Belonging

My name is Dane. I’m 30 and average all around. White, thick brown hair, brown eyes, nothing extraordinary about me really except perhaps my intelligence level. I like video games, space, and the ocean. I work a dead end job and have a small circle of friends. Typical millennial. Oh, except I’m a faggot. I want nothing more than to be dominated, humiliated and abused by men. It’s what turns me on. You could call me a masochist, since I guess that pain is a part of it. However, it goes beyond simple pain. I want to be tied up, used, and made to feel worthless. Unfortunately there’s a catch: I’ve never been with another man.

As the years go by, I get closer and closer to living my own personal rendition of the 40 Year Old Virgin. It’s not that I don’t want to find someone, I just tend to focus my attentions on the wrong people. I have a thing for straight guys, to a fault. It’s a common trope against gay men, but for me in particular it is accurate. I don’t know what it is, but nothing gets to me like a straight guy. One such person is my best friend’s older brother, Mike. He’s a couple years older than me. White, country boy, military cut, average height, tattoos on his back and hips. He probably knows me better than most people at this point and vice versa. We are like brothers. I have been swooning over him for quite a long time. He’s aware, but he chooses to ignore it for the most part. What he wasn’t aware of is just how subversive my admiration for him is.

All that changed one night when I was over at his house. In the past year, I have learned some info about his personal life that intrigued me. He told me that in high school he let a guy suck him off once, but didn't feel the need for a repeat performance. He is into bondage, and likes to be the one in charge. I already knew that he could have a bit of a mean streak in bed from his various stories about ex-girlfriends over the years. He used to be an athlete, but now he works security at a military base. Blue collar through and through. After kids and an ex-­wife he has gained some weight in all the right places. Basically he is the perfect guy for me. I was over at his place, and we were just hanging out playing video games. He was in between girlfriends, the last one turning out to be a real bitch in the end. We got onto the topic of sex, as we usually do, and he mentioned that he really needed to get laid. That comment made me a little more bold than I normally was with him. I wanted to come clean about the extent of my feelings. I wanted to lay all my cards on the table and see what he did with them.

“I wouldn’t mind being tied up by you,” I said.

“Um, okay. I’ll keep that in mind,” he said. He turned back to his game, eyebrows raised, brushing off my advance like he normally does when I say something along those lines.

“I’m sorry. Was that too far?” I asked nervously.

“No, I just wasn’t expecting that from you.”

“Would you ever consider tying me up?” I asked, pushing a little more.

“Dane, you are like a little brother to me. That has never crossed my mind. ”

There it was. The ‘little brother’ comment I had heard so many times. I didn’t want to be his ‘little brother’ anymore. I wanted him to train me; I wanted him to break me. Deep down I needed to be used like the faggot I knew I was, and I wanted him to be the first to do it. I wanted to bury my head in his lap and inhale his scent, but more than that I wanted him to make me do it. A couple days prior to that moment I had established the precedent of sitting at his feet while he games. He didn’t seem to mind really; he never does. There is something about sitting at a guy’s feet that makes me feel safe, I can’t really explain why. I decided to use that to my advantage and moved my way in between his legs on the floor, my head nearly in his lap looking at the television. After a couple minutes of silence, I decided to speak up. It was now or never.

“Well why not?”

“Well for one, I’m straight. And two, again, you are like my little brother. That would be weird.” I could tell he was starting to get irritated. I needed to go for broke. I laid my head back so it was practically in his lap and looked up into his face.

“But I want you to. I want you to do a lot of things to me.” I said meekly. He sighed and looked down, his green eyes boring through me.

“Yea?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Like what?” 

This was the moment. I could either back down and nothing would ever happen, or I could spill my guts and hope he wouldn’t kick my ass and never talk to me again. He waited for me to answer as I gazed up into his face, steeling myself to say what I had been wanting to say for years. A minute passed.

“Well?” He wasn’t expecting me to answer.

“I want you to turn me into a whore.” If my words moved him at all, it didn’t show on his face. He just kept staring at me, pinning me to the floor with his eyes.

“A whore?” His voice was indifferent. I couldn’t draw my gaze away from him.

“Your whore.” 

He scoffed slightly, looking up. 

“Get up.” It was an order. 

His hand moved to the back of my head and lifted it out of his lap. I quickly shifted into a sitting position in front of him. He had turned the t.v. off by the time I got situated. He looked down at me, his face still betraying no emotions.

“I already told you, I’m not gay. You also already know that. So why me?” he asked.

“I’m not asking you to be gay. In fact part of the reason it’s so hot is because you aren’t. I’m not asking you to reciprocate anything; I wouldn’t want you to. I’m not asking for a relationship. I’m asking you to use me because I need it. Teach me how to worship a man. Make me your faggot. That’s all I want.”

I could feel the tent in my shorts, and I know he saw it too. My eyes never left his. I wanted him to see my desperation; my vulnerability. I would beg if that’s what he needed. He stood up and pointed at his feet.

“Kneel.” I moved to where he pointed. He leaned down and almost whispered, “Let me make this clear. If we start this, there is no going back. I will never be able to see you the same way. If this doesn’t work out, we won’t be able to go back to just being friends. If you can’t handle that, this ends now and I forget it ever happened. Do you understand me?”

His tone was even and I could tell he was serious. My dick was so hard it hurt, and I could feel a wet spot forming on the front of my shorts. But this is what I wanted, so I didn’t hesitate to nod my head vigorously.

“I asked you a question.”

“Yes!” I nearly screamed. He lifted my chin and forced me to stare up at him.

“Yes what? What’s my name?” 

I thought back to all of our previous conversations about our likes and dislikes. I needed to get this right. I thought I had the answer, so I went for it.

“Yes, Daddy.” We said the words simultaneously. He leaned in a little farther and whispered directly into my ear. “Good boy.”

My cock erupted. I doubled over and tried to brace myself with my hands on the floor. He was faster though, and caught me before I could finish the maneuver. The smell of cum filled my nostrils. He stepped behind me, pulling my arms back and pushing my body forward in one motion. He leaned back down and whispered to me again.

“Ride it out boy. I’ve never had that effect on someone before, and I want to see it all.”

It was the most powerful orgasm of my entire life. I could feel his warmth on my back, and knowing he was watching me just made it all the more mind blowing. Minutes went by as I rode the feeling. While I was coming down, I could feel that my shorts were completely ruined. He still had my arms in his hands when he spoke to me again.

“That was impressive. I didn’t realize how hot for me you were. That information will come in handy later.” He lifted my chin and forced me to look at him. I could feel the heat from my face and knew it must have been beet red.

“Thank you.” I could barely get the words out I was so winded. He cocked his eyebrow expectantly. “Daddy. Thank you, Sir.” I finished.

“Sir? Huh. ‘Sir.’ He repeated the word to himself as if testing it. "I like that. Well you’re welcome, faggot. Hope you enjoyed it though, because from now on you don’t cum unless I give you permission or there will be consequences. Is that understood?”

He was inside my head. I tried to think back to remember if we had conversations about control and denial, but I could not remember telling him I was into that. A sharp pain came from the left side of my face in the form of a slap. I had let my mind wander. I looked up at him.

“When I’m talking, you give me your undivided attention. I asked you a question whore!” he barked.

"Yes Sir, I understand. I will not cum without your permission," I whimpered.

“That’s a good boy. You learn quickly. Well now that you’ve had your fun, do you think it’s time that Daddy has his fun with you?” He was smirking down at me, seemingly enjoying his new found power. I wanted to use this opportunity to show him how committed to this I was going to be.

“Yes Sir. Please use me. I want to learn to be a good slut for you.” I must have looked pathetic. Face flushed, reeking of cum, my chin in his hands forcing my sex glazed eyes to stare up at him.

“Oh you will, faggot. Don’t you worry. Daddy is going to train you right.” With that, he backed up to his bed, pulling my face along with him. He sat down, feet on the floor, and pulled my head into his lap. “Get a good whiff bitch, I know you’ve been chasing that for a while.” I immediately inhaled. He snickered. “God you really are a faggot. This is going to be fun.”

I didn’t care what he was saying above me, his smell was intoxicating. I was taking deep breaths of his crotch, and I wanted to stay there forever. It was a musky, heady scent. I could feel his bulge grow, which made me even more adamant. I hadn’t noticed I was moaning until he started laughing. He pulled my head up by my hair and stared directly into my eyes.

“Listen to you, moaning like a bitch in heat, getting off on my stink. I should have done this a long time ago.” He pushed my head back down into his lap and kept his hand on the back of my head.

“Yeth thrr.” I mumbled into his lap, my lips wrapping around the outline of his cock in his shorts. I could feel it pulse with his heartbeat. My own hardon had returned in force, leaking a steady flow of precum into the already substantial deposit there.

“What was that slut? I couldn’t hear you with a mouthful of my crotch.” He chuckled but didn’t let up pressure on my head, so I assumed he wanted to hear me mumble around his bulge. I repeated myself as best I could. “Mmm that feels good boy, but I think it’s time for you to finally get your reward for being such apathetic cock whore.”

His verbal harassment was just making me hotter and hotter, and I eagerly nodded my head in agreement. He lifted my head up and held me at arm’s length while he slowly lowered his shorts. He had a light treasure trail that led to the base of his dick. Each second was pure agony, and he relished in my moans of frustration while I was trying to stick my tongue out far enough to get a taste of him. When he got to his cock, he slowed down even further, increasing my need. Inch after inch came into view. My eyes were glued to it, memorizing every vein, every fold of skin. He was thick too, which I appreciated. I knew he would stretch my throat. Finally after what felt like hours, the head came into view. His shorts fell past it and his proud, hard cock was on full display. I was so enamored I stopped everything I was doing. I just stared at it, wanting painfully to taste it. My own erection was still leaking into my shorts, forgotten. Another chuckle broke me from my daze.

“Listen to that whimper. What’s wrong puppy, huh? Are you hungry? You are drooling all over my leg faggot.” he sneered. I looked down and sure enough there was a small puddle of drool on his right thigh. “Clean up your mess slut.” I felt his grip loosen a smidgen and I dove down to clean up after myself. “Good boy. You are making me proud.” I felt a surge of pride hearing that, knowing that he was enjoying my services. That was what I wanted, to make him happy. “You want Daddy’s cock?” he asked mockingly, taunting me with it.

“Yes Daddy. Please give me your cock. Teach me how to make you feel good. I will do anything for it.” I was in full on begging mode at this point, all notions of pride lost to my oversexed brain.

“You will get it boy, but not tonight.” My eyes shot from his magnificent cock to his face, which was contorted into a wicked smile. I whimpered pathetically, trying to show him my need. “I know baby, you are so hungry. But I think tonight you just get a taste.” 

With that, he started stroking himself with his free hand. On every upstroke, I could see a single drop of precum build at the head, and then be collected by his fingers and used as lube for his self pleasure. I was so confused. Did I do something to make him mad? Why was he doing this to me? While I was racking my brain trying to figure out how to please him, he stopped stroking. He did one more upstroke, collected his precum on his index finger, and moved it toward my lips. I dove for it, but he held my head with a firm grip.

“Easy puppy, have some patience. Jesus you are hungry for it.” He slowly moved his finger toward me, and smeared his precum around my lips. Then he slipped his finger into my mouth. “Suck.” he ordered. My forgotten cock exploded for the second time that night. As I greedily sucked his finger, my body convulsed in the throws of my orgasm. “Good boy.” he cooed.

Once my orgasm subsided, he withdrew his finger from my hungry mouth, wiped it off in my hair and put his cock away. He lifted my face to his and kissed my forehead.

“You did well tonight boy. But what did I tell you about cumming without permission?” his face was stern.

“That there will be consequences. I’m sorry, Daddy. I couldn’t help myself.” I was on the verge of tears, worried that I had ruined the whole arrangement.

“It’s okay boy, I know you couldn’t. That was the point. However your punishment will be that you don’t get my load tonight. We need to teach you some self control.” He pulled me up onto the bed with him, and laid my head on his chest. “We will get there slut, don’t worry. For now, we’ve both had a long night and I need to sleep. Enjoy it tonight. I won't be going easy on you after tomorrow.”

He put his arms around me and was asleep in minutes. As I lay next to him, my cum soaked underwear becoming increasingly uncomfortable, I felt more accepted than I had in my entire life. My body and mind were exhausted, so I let his warmth envelop me and drifted off to sleep. I had a feeling I would need my strength in the morning.