Alexxx is Back

I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Alex. I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me but I’ve spent the past year trying desperately to find love. I’m one of the few boys out there who still believes in it, silly me. And I’m one of the few who believe there has to be love before there can be anything physical exchanged. Some might say I’m behind the times but through my stories, you might have spotted something pretty clearly.

I write a lot about being a virgin and in my writing, through multiple storylines, multiple boys have taken that virginity from me because I’ve wanted them to. Each story was a fantasy of a certain boyfriend taking that virginity from me and cumming in my ass, acting like my handler and treating me like a pup, and even stories of us blowing each other in the most public places. But the reality is, I still have that virginity through no fault of my own. I still don’t know what it feels like to have a dick up my ass or mine in someone else’s. I still have no clue what it feels like to shoot my load in a hot guy’s mouth. For the past year, I’ve been in three relationships. One for three months, another for a week, and a final one for seven months. But yeah…I’m still a virgin and I absolutely hate it.

The first boy I dated for three months. His name was Larry. He was truly a milkman which is why those few stories existed of me getting fucked by the milkman and he really did used to work in a theme park. I wrote all about him and how I wanted him to be my milkman and drink my milk for life. I even have a story of him and I having fun in a theme park restroom. But sadly, he abused me for three months.

On our third date, him and I got a little hot and heavy after watching “Love Simon” and ended up groping each other with me eventually going down on him right there on my couch. It was my first time so he couldn’t and to his credit, didn’t blame me for failing to get him off after twenty minutes or so. But he never got off and he left me high and dry without showing me how it was done. I spent the next nearly three months without even once having him grope me again. Heck, every time I even tried to do more than give him a peck on the lips, like let’s say for instance we were saying goodnight and I was leaving his house and I would try to French kiss him, he slapped me across the face for trying to kiss him like that.

If I even dared to push my pants against his, the next thing I knew, I was pushed to the ground. And a month into our relationship, when things should have been the hottest and heaviest they are ever going to be, I came home from an eight-day vacation and he didn’t want to even see me. I felt used and like I was the only one to actually feel in love. But I still can’t figure out why I fell in love with him at all. How could I love someone who abused me so bad?

And that’s when I told him how I truly felt, that it wasn’t going anywhere and he didn’t fight for me. He just told me I was much too good for him, and honestly his mom told me the same thing. And it’s sad but I think they were right.

I spent the next week furiously going through Grindr, trying to find anyone who thought I looked cute. Like my stories at the time suggest, within two weeks, I really did meet a boy named Keith. On our first date we talked a lot about sex and what we want in a relationship. Things such as marriage one day, kids, the whole works which help let you know if that person is the right one for you.

On our second date, he brought pizza over my house and we watched “Dream Boat”. We both got really hard looking at the hot guys in the movie and ended up giving each other hand jobs that night, which was perfectly fine. I mean, it took well over two hours to give each other hand jobs even though only fifteen minutes of that was him giving me one…he was SO much slower to shoot than me. But that didn’t matter to me. We were both horny and it’s fine to give in to some temptation. By the way, I don’t blame those who have hookups. I just thought that if I ever personally do anything physical, I have to do that with someone I see some future with. And this was something I saw a future in, so why not? Right?

Things went well for about a week until I went to go visit him at work and as I was leaving, I accidentally forgot he wasn’t Larry and said “See you later, love you Larry”. In retrospect, that wasn’t my best move but Keith texted me once more after that to say goodbye. In that final text, he told me I wasn’t ready for love yet which was likely true. But he also told me the reason it took him over two hours of getting a hand job to shoot. The reason was that he really wasn’t attracted to me anyway. I mean, it was kind of a dick move to call me unattractive at the end of our relationship but I was kind of a dick to say “I love you” to him and include my ex’s name. So, I let it slide.

Again, I was back on Grindr and opening my phone everywhere I went, hoping that the search radius for guys would be just wide enough to allow me to see someone new, someone who would be my next boyfriend. And sure enough, I was working about a half hour from home when a boy named Jim found me on the app and said I looked cute. Within twenty minutes, he was already asking me on a date because he knew I was busy at work and only had so much time to chat.

We went on our first date and then a second and a third. Each time, we spent a good half hour French kissing in the parking lot of whatever store we chose to meet up at. Things went so well that by the fourth time I met up with him, it was at his house meeting his parents and I stayed the night.  His parents long went to bed and him and I were left in the living room watching television and talking.

That’s when we started kissing and kissing led to us both getting hard which we each took notice of. At this point, I already told him of my past experiences of not knowing how to give a proper blowjob but in the heat of the moment, I asked him if he was alright with my trying my mouth at it and seeing if I could succeed this time.

I slowly went down and wrapped my lips around his cock. It tasted so sweet and I loved it. I began to stroke and suck on it with my lips and he began to hold his hands on the back of my head which I knew was a good sign. Before too long, he was shooting his load into my throat and I was swallowing every drop for the first time in my life. And I fucking loved it. I don’t mean to sound like a cheap whore but I realized just how much I love the taste of cum.

I sat back up on his couch and pulled down my pants to the ground so he could have a good look at what was next on his menu. But he just sat there watching television again. Even when I tried getting on top of him and clearly showing him I was still hard by pushing my cock into his chest, he told me to calm down.

I was obviously upset and went up to his bedroom, jerked off and then came back down. He just laughed. When I told him how upset I was, he just told me we would try again in the morning. And when we did try again, I chose to have him do me first. He just used his hand and some lube to get me to the finish line. No mouth at all. Although he did tell me later that he rarely uses his mouth because he gets bored after a few seconds of going down on a guy…well, too fucking bad I thought to myself because even for me it gets boring but you know how much your partner loves it so you keep fucking sucking his cock. Pretty simple, I thought to myself.

We spent the next few weeks hanging out at each of our houses with lots of romantic dates, dinners, and sleepovers. I would blow him, he would hand me. That’s the way our relationship worked I guess. I told him that I was beginning to fall in love with him, he told me he was starting to have some feelings for me too. And this was fantastic to hear.

Right around Christmas season, a whole three months into our relationship, he finally put his mouth around my cock and gave me…one…whole…stroke up and down before lubing me up and using his hand to take me to the finish line…and that was after about an hour of begging like a sad puppy for him to go down on me after all the times I’ve swallowed his cum already. But stupid me, I took that as a victory.

Closer to Christmas we had a fantastic and romantic date night. We got back to his place and no one was home so we decided to try something bigger. I knew it wasn’t going to be perfect and honestly had my doubts it was going to work at all but we tried anal. He put his cock against my hole and he kept losing his boner.

Now, it’s important to note that I know of such things as ED. I know they exist and I’m in no way making fun of those who have those conditions. But Jim didn’t have that or anything like it. I knew he wasn’t a virgin and all he ever did was top. Oddly enough, we ran into two of his exes already at this point in our relationship and they kept telling me how hard Jim always was around them. I heard how easy it was for Jim to fuck them. I heard how Jim’s sex drive was especially strong and these exes felt so bad for me from how much sex Jim must have wanted from me all the time. It was such a weird conversation in the middle of a mall that day.

But anyway, Jim couldn’t keep it hard enough to penetrate my ass and it honestly fucked with my head for quite some time. I thought it was me. So, I bought myself an anal training kit and practiced every night like clockwork. Twenty minutes a night having a butt plug in my ass, each week switching to the next size higher in the kit.

Christmas went by great and it was honestly the first time in my life where I got to spend Christmas with an entire family gathered around. Granted, that family was Jim’s family but I never had much of a family so it was a welcome feeling to have a holiday to celebrate.

New Year’s 2019 was fantastic. I got my first ever midnight kiss to ring in the new year and when I woke in the morning at his place, Jim had already gone off to work. He asked me if I could fix something on his computer since I am a sort of tech guy and so I went on his computer to help him out.

That’s when some guy texted him pictures of his cock. Jim had an iMac so his text messages get sent to his iMac and his phone. So, curiosity struck me and I opened up the message to see. Sure enough, Jim and this guy were texting back and forth pictures, video clips of each other cumming, and dirty talking for several months. But he wasn’t alone. There were a dozen other guys who were texting Jim in the same way. All of which were over sixty years old. I mean, you have to keep in mind that I’m 26 and Jim is only 27 so it was very weird to say the least.

But Jim’s whole explanation for it was that he thought I would allow him this sort of freedom. And stupid me, I thought I didn’t make it clear that we were exclusive. So, I gave him another chance.

I kept training with my anal kit and about three weeks after Christmas, we tried again to have anal. Again, Jim never even got his tip inside of my ass. And I hit an all-time low. I was so frustrated at work from my company doing poorly back in January that all I wanted was to be fucked and feel used in some way. But Jim couldn’t give me even that. And although he knew how sad I was about my work, all he did was just wrap his hand around my cock with some lube and jerk me. Not even then was I able to fuck his mouth.

We kept going on dates and building our relationship. But then in the start of February, I spied on him. Yeah, I know it was wrong of me but I truly didn’t trust him anymore that he wouldn’t cheat. And sure enough, he was still cheating. He was still telling guys we had an open relationship and this time, he was chatting with the 60-year-old guys about going over to their houses and doing things with them, although he never actually did because I knew he was actually working or with me when those messages were sent. You heard that one right, he was beside me in bed sometimes when he was sexting them…how unattractive do I have to be to have my 4-month boyfriend sexting someone when Jim could’ve turned around and asked me to help him?

It wasn’t fair but he promised not to text anyone else. His claim was that he was trying to find friends who would be willing to come over for a bukkake party with me in the center one day. Hence my story on the bukkake sex dungeon he promised to build me one day. Stupid me, I let it slide again and gave him another chance.

On Valentine’s day we had a very romantic dinner and went for a nice romantic walk with a fire. It was beautiful. When we got back to his place, we tried once more to have anal. This time, I tried leaving a big dildo up my ass for almost a half hour before just to make sure my ass was loose enough for him to enter. He even held the dildo in his hand and used it to fuck me which was kind of hot. But the moment he tried replacing it with his dick, he got very soft.

That was my lowest point and I don’t even think I got off that night at all. I remember going to the bathroom and just sitting in his shower crying. He must have heard me but he didn’t come in after me. When I worked up the energy to go back into his room, he was already sleeping. To this day, I still can’t tell you what hurt worse, the fact that I failed again at losing my virginity or the fact that he didn’t care enough about me to even stay awake. I know one thing’s for sure, I should have been hurt more by the fact that THIS was the guy who I wanted to take my virginity. I only have one virgin card to give and why I thought he was good enough to take it, is beyond me.

That was the final time we ever tried anal. From then on, I would give him a blowjob and he would give me a hand job in return. Don’t get me wrong, we had our moments. We went to sex shops and he encouraged me to get a tail so I could roleplay as I always wanted to with Pup Play. He even treated me like a puppy and tied me up to the bed with my arm and leg straps. He would gag me and blindfold me. He would finger my ass and whip me. But never once other than that one time before Christmas, did he ever wrap his lips around my cock. And never once after that third date did he ever let me French kiss him.

Near the end of April, he was moved into his new house which he had all to himself. He would tell me his plans to put an office into one of his spare bedrooms so I had a place to work and he promised me that by my birthday in July, I would be able to live with him full time if I wanted. And believe me, I wanted to. I was and still am sick of living with my dad. I mean, yeah I love him but I need space too. I need space to jerk off or walk around naked if I wanted, wear my tail in my ass to dinner, get whipped, bark, and moan without anyone being able to hear me and judge me.

Jim would tell me all his grand plans to marry me someday and he even considered adopting kids with me someday when the time was right. I felt as if he was on the cusp of telling me he loved me for the first time when we hit our six-month anniversary. I celebrated our six months and posted to Facebook. I couldn’t wait to go see him and kiss him. I couldn’t wait for dinner that night with him. But he never said it. He heard me say it for the millionth time in our relationship but he just said “Awe, that’s so sweet of you”.

It bothered me a lot…It fucked with my head and he knew it. I was so in love with him and I kept telling myself there was something there in return because he was promising me an office, to live with him, to marry him…

I was at work one day about a month later when a friend texted me a screenshot of Jim’s text messages to him. Turns out, Jim began texting one of my best friends who was our age and also gay, asking my friend to start sexting. Jim actually wanted one of my good friends to cheat on me with and honestly thought I wouldn’t find out.

That was my final straw. I gave him four chances and each time, he cheated on me. His only rational as to why he had to sext other guys was that while he felt an emotional connection to me, in his eyes, I wasn’t attractive enough to do anything physical with.

That’s why every time I went down on him and looked up to see how good I was making him feel, he just had his eyes closed, thinking of something else. That’s why when he gave me a handy, he would complain about his arm getting tired after a whole minute and a half. That’s why he couldn’t ever keep his dick hard enough to fuck me. According to him, that’s why we broke up…because I wasn’t attractive enough for him.

I guess that’s the reason I’ve spent the past month diving deeper into my work, hoping to distract myself long enough to get tired enough to fall asleep. I guess that’s why every time I wake up, I feel nauseous when I look across my bed and see no one there. But who was I fooling? He only ever stayed over my house three whole times in our seven-month relationship so he was hardly ever here anyway.

But what I can’t figure out is why he still has a hold on me like this? Since we broke up, I’ve downloaded all the apps again: Grindr, Surge, Adam4Adam, Scruff, Recon, Kinksters (I’m a very kinky person who loves Pup Play so those last three are sort of perfect for guys like me). But I hardly open those apps and even when a boy messages me and things are going well, I fear a boy asking me out.  

I truly can’t seem to figure out if I’m, in some fucked up way, still in love with Jim and just need some time to heal my heart before moving on, or am I afraid of love? Was I so hurt by Jim and the other boys that I fear that no love, no matter how good it is, will ever work out? I keep thinking to myself and asking others around me the question “when do you know?” When do you know a person is the right one for you? Obviously, I can go seven months and think everything is going great, overlooking all the things which make it imperfect, and then things can blow up. So, at what point in a relationship can you trust that person will be there for you, forever?

I even got myself a new Fleshjack just because I never had my own but I used to use Jim’s one. Yeah, pretty sad that I had to resort to using his Fleshjack when I was at his house alone because I couldn’t trust that when I got him off, Jim would get me off too. But I treated myself for once in my life and got one this past month and it’s fantastic but I’m tired of using it, hoping to feel a tad better.

The truly fucked up part is that I can’t write any more break-up songs telling the world how bad Jim is. I can’t ask my family for more advice because every time, they have the same “there’s plenty of fish” kind of speech for me. I can’t even write a fun and juicy story for my fans out there and help them have a cum-filled night of fun hearing about my fantasies. I’ve only ever had one fantasy though through all my writing…to have a boyfriend who wants to fuck me.

I thought being open about being gay was going to be easier. When I heard about straight relationships, I knew couples waited a while to have full sex because there was always the risk of having a kid early-on in the relationship. I knew as a gay guy, I would still have to use condoms but from everything I heard, I thought a boy would be all over me and I would be all over him. The three guys I dated came from the hookup culture where they had sex on night one of a relationship in a parking lot in the dark. I thought they’d at the very least be able to be physical with me because that’s all they wanted with others. But they didn’t want sex at all with me. Can you even imagine how much that fucks with my brain?

Larry spent three months abusing me, never wanting to kiss me, and ended things by telling me that I was too good for him. Keith spent a week with me, let me kiss him but wasn’t attracted to me enough to get off without hours of work. And Jim spent seven months with me, never letting me kiss him the way I wanted to, thinking of other guys when I went down on him, never going down on me, acting like it was a chore for him to jerk me off, never kept it hard enough to fuck me, and while promising me the world, ended things by telling me I’m ugly.

After all this time, I was hoping to come back to writing stories and be able to tell you how it went. I thought I would finally have a story which didn’t talk about my fantasies but instead told you the truth…well, I guess in some ways I finally get to do that but not in the way you or I wanted to.

It’s been a long month after the breakup of pouring myself deeper into my work, hoping to distract myself. On days that there’s no work to do, it’s been a long month of going for long enough walks in the middle of the night just to be so tired when I got home that I would be able to get a quick cold shower, jerk off, and fall asleep with my cum sock still wrapped around my cock. (Yeah, that story a while back of the cum sock was one of my fantasies too of my boyfriend staying over and finding my crusty sock under my pillow).

But I don’t know where else to turn. I honestly don’t know who can help me find a boyfriend so I wouldn’t be so lonely here. I mean I’m in no way thinking that I should end it all. I’m not thinking that so please don’t worry but my mind has gone past the “fucked” stage of the game. For three boys to not find me attractive enough to fuck but yet nice enough to date, it really fucks with your brain. Even when two of them have read all my stories and are the only two people in the world to know my pen name and my real name, for them never to want to recreate one of these stories for me to make one of my fantasies come true, it really does a number on your heart.

On the plus side, I now know what cum tastes like and I’ve improved my skills at giving blowjobs. I figured out that I’m ready to move out of my family’s house and live on my own, although I don’t think this month is the perfect time for that considering how lonely I feel. I figured out that I want my next boyfriend to be both a top and a bottom so I can experience both. And I figured out that if you pour yourself into your work enough, it actually does produce some awesome quality products for your clients while at the same time putting an incredible toll on your mental health. Lol.

On a lighter note, I’m hoping to come back in full swing with cum-oozing stories really soon. I love writing these stories and I’ve learned that any boy worth keeping should be happy that I share my fantasies with my readers. After all, it’s easier for him to figure out what he can do to make those fantasies come true then.

And while this specific story of mine may not help you get to the finish line, I know some of my readers have been wanting me to come back. Many of you have been reaching out to me, asking me for another story. Since they didn’t know my true identity, they didn’t know I was in a relationship and part of this was to catch you up to speed on what’s been going on. The other reason why I wrote this was to hopefully get out whatever emotions I’m feeling right now. It’s been a month and I still can’t go a day without thinking of Jim or hoping my phone will suddenly ring with a text message from someone who cares for me and wants to spend forever with me.

Unbelievably, writing it all out I think has helped a little. It’s too soon to tell how much it helped but it has helped so thanks for reading and stay tuned for more regular Alexxx stories cumming very soon.

Luv you all, Alex.