Adam and Steve Chased from Paradise (Erotic sketch for 3 guys)
Staging: The set is minimalist: a backdrop evoking a lush garden (the Garden of Eden) with cardboard plants and a large central tree, wide enough to partially hide the characters during the final scene. On the left, a golden door symbolizing the entrance/exit of Paradise, left slightly ajar so the Archangel can spy.
The costumes are caricatural: Adam and Steve wear plastic or fabric fig leaves (poorly adjusted for comic effect). The Archangel is dressed in an over-the-top SM outfit (shiny black boots, leather harness, cheap feather wings, a far-too-tight leather jockstrap that he comically adjusts, and a sword strapped to his belt). He also carries a riding crop.
Lighting starts bright, then softens for an intimate atmosphere during the final scene behind the tree.
Props (carrot, branch, cucumber, vine, feather) are placed near the rock for the search scene. A celestial phone (comically anachronistic, old-fashioned golden rotary style) appears in Scene 4 for calls from the “Boss.”
Characters:
- Adam: Naive, curious, clumsy, but clearly dominant.
- Steve: Mischievous, provocative, but naive.
- Archangel: Cruel, voyeuristic, sadistic.
- Invisible extra: A character whose only visible element is a booted foot that delivers the final kick to the Archangel in Scene 4.
Scene 1: The Expulsion from Paradise The curtain opens. Adam and Steve stand center stage looking sheepish, nervously adjusting their fig leaves. The Archangel bursts through the golden door, riding crop in hand, boots clicking like a drill sergeant. Dramatic church-organ music with a light techno beat plays for absurdity.
Archangel (military tone, barking): “Sinners! Traitors! You have defiled Paradise! ON YOUR KNEES!”
(He cracks the riding crop on the floor. Adam and Steve jump. His eyes gleam with cruel delight. He adjusts his tight leather jockstrap with an exaggerated gesture.)
Adam (rubbing his ass, whiny): “Ouch! Why so much violence? My leaves are already all crumpled!”
Steve (looking at the Archangel, impressed despite himself): “Those boots… they shine like the stars! And that jockstrap… it can’t be comfortable!”
Archangel (chuckling, stepping closer to Steve): “Silence, worm! Your ass is going to dance for me tonight!”
(He licks his riding crop slowly while staring at their asses.)
(He delivers a theatrical kick to Adam’s backside. Adam yelps and jumps. Then he turns to Steve and gives him a second, slower kick — almost a caress — with a twisted smile.)
“Hmm… your asses, what perfect targets! I could aim at them for all eternity!”
(He adjusts his jockstrap again with a wink to the audience.) “Too bad there’s no time to whip you into shape… but I’ll keep those cheeks in mind!”
Adam and Steve stumble toward the exit, shoved by the Archangel, who clicks his heels and disappears through the golden door. The lights soften. Adam and Steve are left alone, looking lost.
Scene 2: The Argument and the Confessions Adam and Steve sit on a cardboard rock, sulking. They exchange accusatory glances while comically readjusting their slipping fig leaves.
Adam (pointing at Steve): “This is all YOUR fault! Why did you eat that banana? Weren’t the apples enough for you?”
Steve (blushing, stammering): “But I didn’t eat it! The worst part is that I didn’t eat it! We were forbidden to eat it, so… I tried another way.”
(He looks down, nervously fiddling with his fig leaf, looking guilty.)
Adam (squinting, puzzled): “Another way? What, did you make juice out of it or something?”
Steve (even more embarrassed, squirming): “No… not juice. Let’s just say I… used it differently.”
(He bites his lip, avoids Adam’s gaze, and grabs a leaf to fan himself awkwardly.)
Adam (insistent, curious): “Used it how? Come on, Steve, spit it out!”
Steve (exploding, red with shame): “Fine! In my ass, okay! Up my butt! In my hole! Between my cheeks! There, I said it! Happy now?”
(He crosses his arms, pouts, then lowers his head, mortified.)
Adam (mouth open, shocked): “You put the forbidden fruit… up your forbidden hole?!”
Steve (relaxing a little, naive): “It was so smooth, so curved! I thought, ‘Why not?’ And then… it wasn’t bad at all. It tickled… in a weird way.”
(He smiles dumbly, then blushes even harder.)
Adam (hesitant, scratching the back of his neck): “Okay… I’ll tell you something, but promise you won’t laugh.”
(He nervously glances at the audience as if checking no one is listening.) “The serpent… it… uh… convinced me to try something too.”
Steve (intrigued, leaning in): “What, you ate part of the serpent?”
Adam (panicking, waving his hands): “No, no! Not eaten! It… it slid its tail somewhere.”
(He mimes a serpent with his hand, then stops, embarrassed, looking at the audience with a “I did something naughty” face.) “And… I found it… not unpleasant.”
Steve (bursting out laughing, then catching himself): “Wait, wait… You? With the serpent’s TAIL? Oh Adam, you’re no better than me!”
(He gives Adam a friendly slap on the shoulder — a bit too hard — nearly knocking him off the rock.)
Adam (rubbing his shoulder, sheepish): “I couldn’t help it! It was so… persuasive, with those smooth scales! And it gave this strange feeling… like tingling, but better.”
Steve (dreamy, nodding): “Yeah… like my banana. You think we’ve… discovered something forbidden?”
They look at each other, complicit and intrigued.
Adam (curious): “It was… weird, but… I want to try it again. Don’t you?”
Steve (enthusiastic but hesitant): “Oh yes! But we need something that feels like the banana… and the serpent. Something long, smooth, but… alive!”
They stand up and start rummaging through the set, grabbing props comically.
Steve (brandishing a carrot, pressing it against his ass and grimacing): “Too pointy… I don’t want my first time to feel like I’m being stabbed by an angry Roman!”
Adam (shaking his head, picking up a branch): “No, too rough! It’ll scratch like a cursed rose thorn!”
(He throws the branch into the audience.)
Steve (triumphant, holding a cucumber): “And THIS! Look, it’s smooth, curved… but… it’s not alive.”
(He puts it down, disappointed, with a theatrical sigh.)
Adam (struck by an idea, with a loud “ding!” sound effect): “Steve… what if… WE were the banana AND the serpent?”
Steve (eyes wide, excited): “You mean… you want to put your serpent in my garden? … Fuck yes!”
(He jumps up; his fig leaf slips halfway off and he clumsily catches it.)
Scene 3: The Discovery Behind the Tree Adam and Steve head toward the large central tree, excited and embarrassed. They whisper like kids plotting mischief. The staging is burlesque: Adam goes behind the tree (dominant side), Steve in front (submissive side), but their heads and torsos remain visible on either side. Soft spotlights create an intimate atmosphere.
Adam (behind the tree, authoritative): “Okay, Steve, you ready? Just gotta… uh… aim like the serpent!”
Steve (in front, nervous but cheeky): “Wait, wait! Is it gonna hurt? The banana stung a bit at first. But I’m in control, okay!”
(He adjusts his fig leaf, which suddenly looks “too tight,” and pulls a funny grimace.)
Adam (reassuring but sadistic): “Don’t worry, the serpent promised it becomes divine eventually. We just need… lube.”
(He picks up a sticky leaf and examines it with a sly grin.) “This’ll do, right?”
Steve (disgusted grimace): “Ew! It’s sticky! If only I’d kept my squashed banana, it would’ve been perfect… but it stayed in Paradise!”
(He sighs theatrically, then nods.) “Fine, go ahead, but listen carefully: if you go too fast, I’ll slow you down!”
(He points an authoritative finger despite his submissive position.)
Adam starts “getting busy” behind the tree (exaggerated but non-explicit movements). Steve, on the other side, alternates between grimaces of pain and surprise, controlling the rhythm with theatrical gestures (hand raised to slow down, nods to speed up).
Steve (jumping, yelling): “Ouch! Adam, it’s sticking! It’s rubbing like a bull plowing my garden! We didn’t use enough lube, I told you!”
(He grimaces, frantically adjusting his fig leaf as if it’s “too full.”) “And now, wait… what’s this pressure under my leaves? It’s… it’s growing!”
Adam (proud, sadistic): “Take it, you little sinner… This is what happens when you eat the wrong fruit! Ha! My serpent is ready to spit holy fire! That’s the magic of the forbidden garden!”
(He gives the tree a little slap; Steve jumps and lets out an exaggerated cry.)
Steve (whiny but cheeky): “Slower, you bastard! My hole isn’t the Red Sea, it doesn’t part that easily! Ouch! It burns, it pulls… but… it’s weird, I don’t want you to stop!”
(He adjusts his leaf again, looking overwhelmed, then regains control.) “Easy, serpent! I’m the one setting the pace, got it?”
Adam (chuckling, dominant): “Me? I prefer being on the other end of the stick, buddy! Making you scream is my thing!”
(He slaps the tree again; Steve jumps but shoots back a mischievous look.)
Steve (controlling the rhythm, authoritative): “Oh, you act all tough, but I bet the Archangel would have you crawling with two cracks of his crop!”
(He slows Adam with a hand gesture, then nods to speed him up, playing on the comic dominant/submissive contrast.)
Steve : “Fuck… it burns but it feels so good. Is this what the Original Sin really was?”
Adam : “Shut up and take your punishment, you curious little slut.”
The Archangel appears stealthily at the slightly open golden door, watching. His eyes widen in shock, then he breaks into a lewd smile, biting his lip exaggeratedly. He stays in the shadows, invisible to Adam and Steve but visible to the audience.
Adam (amused, sadistic): “Crawling? I’m the one holding the leash, and you’re the one dancing!”
(He speeds up slightly; Steve lets out a theatrical cry, mixing pain and pleasure.)
Steve (whiny but teasing): “Oh Adam, it’s scraping like I’m being rubbed with papyrus! Find some lube or I’ll scream all the way to the firmament!”
(He fans himself with a leaf, comically overwhelmed.)
Adam (savoring his role): “Scream, Steve! It makes the game even more divine!”
Steve (smiling despite himself): “You’re a monster… but, oh… it’s like I love the pain!”
The scene accelerates: the movements become rhythmic.
Adam (breathless, theatrical): “It’s like I’m storming the gates of Paradise… with a battering ram!”
Steve (savoring his role, provocative): “And I’m the temple shaking under your assault!”
The Archangel, still at the door, ramps up his voyeurism. He discreetly rubs the handle of his riding crop against his too-tight jockstrap in a comic masturbatory gesture.
Archangel (whispering to the audience, biting his lip, lustful and frustrated): “By all that is sacred… look at that tight little Eden getting plowed…”
The dialogue shrinks to comic “Oh!”s and “Aïe!”s, with Steve punctuating with “Not so fast!” or “Again!” to keep control. Then Adam stops, looking puzzled.
Adam: “Steve… there’s… there’s a white liquid coming out! Is that… natural lube?”
Steve (exhausted, laughing): “Too late, Adam! You should’ve pulled out BEFORE!”
They collapse behind the tree, their fig leaves completely disheveled.
Scene 4: The Archangel’s Return Adam and Steve reappear from behind the tree, looking blissful but still naive. They sit side by side, exchanging complicit and embarrassed glances.
Adam (dreamy): “You know, Steve… I think we just invented a new game. Way better than the banana AND the serpent!”
Steve (smiling): “Yeah… but next time, we should ask the Archangel to lend us his boots. That could spice things up!”
Suddenly, a metallic clang: the Archangel’s sword falls near the golden door, revealing he was spying. The Archangel, panicked, steps out of the shadows, red with shame, his leather jockstrap slightly askew. He tries to pick up his sword clumsily, tripping over his boots.
Steve (laughing, pointing): “Well, well! The mighty Archangel peeping? You liked the show, didn’t you, heavenly voyeur?”
Adam (sadistic, standing up): “Look at that, wandering hands! You’re no longer the guardian of Paradise — you’re the guardian of asses!”
Steve (provocative): “We should lend him a vine to calm down, that feathered pervert!”
Adam (chuckling, giving the Archangel a loud slap on the ass): “That’s for free peeping, angel boy. Next time it’ll cost you your dignity.”
Steve (sarcastic): “Hey angel, aren’t you ashamed? Spying like a devil in heat!”
Archangel (stammering, humiliated): “I… I was just doing my duty! Watching sinners is my mission!”
Adam (cynical): “Your mission? Your eyes are shining like a demon in a brothel!”
Suddenly, the golden phone rings loudly. The Archangel answers, terrified; we only hear his replies.
Archangel (stammering into the phone): “Yes, Boss… No, I wasn’t touching myself while watching two sinners fuck like animals… I mean, engage in forbidden knowledge! … What? No, I didn’t… I didn’t touch my… uh… sword! … What? Transfer to Purgatory? … With… with a chastity belt? Nooooo! Mercy! Not that!”
(He hangs up, his sadistic smirk replaced by a beaten-dog expression. He clenches his buttocks exaggeratedly and protectively covers his crotch with his hands, miming terror at the idea of a chastity belt.)
Adam (cynical, mocking): “Look at that, the great guardian of Paradise! Kicked out like a common sinner! You wanted to play voyeur, and now you’re the one getting it!”
Archangel (retorting, indignant): “It’s not fair! I only watched! You two, you actually…”
Adam (interrupting, threatening): “Careful, feather-brain! Criticizing divine justice is blasphemy! Want another call from the Boss to straighten your wings?”
The phone rings again. The Archangel, trembling, answers in a panic.
Archangel (terrified, on the phone): “Yes, Boss… Toilet duty? Uh, I… Yes, Boss, understood, Boss! … Boss, about the chastity belt, I wanted to explain that it’s totally useless because… Shit! He hung up.”
(He puts the receiver down, crushed, shoulders slumped. He looks devastated, sadly looks down at his crotch and weighs his dick with his hand as if evaluating a lost cause.)
Steve (mocking): “Oh, the angel of the toilets! You traded your sword for a broom, it seems!”
Adam, chuckling, grabs the Archangel’s fallen riding crop and brandishes it theatrically.
Archangel (panicking, reaching out): “Give that back! It’s… it’s my badge of office!”
Adam (sarcastic): “Badge of office or perverted toy? Either way, your new badge of office is the toilet brush, and your new perverted toy is a chastity belt! Ah ah! You’re such a loser! Come on, feather-boy, get lost — I don’t want to see your asshole face anymore!”
The Archangel turns to flee, but Adam quickly yanks his jockstrap down. The Archangel’s erection is obvious.
Steve (mocking): “Look at that… even his holy sword is standing at attention!”
Adam (provocative): “On the other hand, I do want to see your ass!”
The Archangel tries to pull it back up but slips on a fig leaf. He grabs a fig leaf from the set to cover himself, but it’s comically too small and barely hides anything. He stumbles toward the golden door and goes through it. Suddenly the door flies open violently, and the Archangel is propelled forward by a powerful booted kick (from the invisible extra — only the foot is seen). His jockstrap still down, leaf flying, he collapses, then crawls out through a side exit, muttering curses like “Fucking hell! By that feathered Azrael, what an outrage! Damn sinners… Damn serpent! It’s their fault! It’s their fault!”
Steve (sliding his hand into Adam’s fig leaf belt, cheeky): “Oh, your serpent hasn’t gone soft!”
Adam (chuckling): “Nope! The Archangel’s misadventures got it even harder!”
(He brandishes the riding crop provocatively.) “But don’t worry! You’re still my new secret garden!”
Curtain falls. Techno-SM music resumes for the bow.
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