A little sex, a lot of heart

Everything written here is one hundred percent true. There are, of course, light embellishments for your pleasure as the reader. But every scenario, every setting, and every feeling is factual to the best of my abilities to recall.

My name is Cody, twenty seven years old, about six feet tall, and a blonde ginger. Blonde hair, fair skin, freckles and blue eyes. I had always been insecure of how pasty I was. Real masculine guys are tan with dark hair and piercing eyes. I was skinny, raised by a single mother, and constantly supervised by the community of adults I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by.

There was a level of emotional maturity I developed very early on. Constantly surrounded by my aunts and uncles who scolded, lectured, and spanked me in to being a better person. And it worked. I was kind and friendly, ready to share, and knew what it meant to be a decent member of society. But that didn’t change the fact that my Mother could only mold me so much. She would never broach the subject of sex, and never dated a single man in my seventeen years of living at home.

I had no idea how to be masculine. I was high energy, embodying the effeminate nature of my mother. And it got me in to a lot of uncomfortable situations. Kids are the worst, especially in middle school. So I, as a clearly feminine, well-natured closeted gay guy, was the target of a lot of bullshit. Suffice to say I hated every moment of middle school.

Then came high school. I had been in band for all of middle school, played the Euphonium, and so I was the lowest man on the totem pole in my brass section upon becoming a freshman. I found my seat and patiently waited for the teacher to assume her position at the podium. I wondered what my first class here would be like, as music always provided a moment of respite amongst all the fucking bullying.

I didn’t want a bully to sit by me.

Little did I know that my best friend, most passionate lover, and most intelligent person I would ever know was about to take his seat as my section leader. I watched as an Italian boy just about my height took his seat, looked towards me, and quietly introduced himself,

“Hi, I’m Nick,” He said, pulling parts and bits out of his instrument case. I expected more, a brief run-down on what to expect from my first high school band class, but it seemed that was all he had to say on the matter. I studied him for a moment, as I did all guys, and drank him in. Sure, he was quiet, but he couldn’t have been cuter. His skin was the softest I had ever seen, not a single pore caught in the fluorescent lighting of our practice space. He had hooded eyes as an Italian boy, oddly enough, but they were a soft brown and sharp. He was tan from marching all summer, and a year older than me, so better developed. His voice was deep, and although I wouldn’t pick up on it until later, he had a small lisp that would make itself known every so often. He worked very hard not to let it slip.

I couldn’t really parse what I was feeling at the time, as all matters of the heart were still a mystery to me at the time. But now, as an adult, I can confidently say that it was yearning at first sight. Not only was he cute, but immediately, just by his body language, I could tell he was what I wanted to be.

If I could learn enough from Nick, I would never be bullied again. I would learn how to be reserved and stoic and boy-ish. Nothing like the feminine, energetic, scrawny nobody I was. And as my section leader, I would have ample time to learn from him all things to do with being a boy. Very quickly, high school was already looking better than middle school.

* * * *

“Would you fuck someone like this?” Nick asked me. A moment later, my AIM messenger pinged. A link from Nick. I opened it, safely away from the prying ears of my mother, tucked under the blankets of my lofted bed. I clicked the link as my heart began to race. I had known Nick for a year now— he was a junior, and I a sophomore— but nothing like this had ever happened between us.

Sure, I would fantasize about having all these internet guys as my personal fuck toys. All these buff, tan, tall Sean Cody models just groveling at my feet, begging to be fucked. Begging to have my dick. And sure, I would only have these domination fantasies about the models that looked like my bullies.

But this was Nick. And he was anything but a bully.

So I opened the link, ready to see a video of the biggest tits and the fattest ass of a woman I really didn’t have any interest in viewing in the first place. But, again, this was Nick. If he was going to share porn with me, I damn well was gonna open it and play my part in the eroticism.

I was intrigued by what he sent me. It was a grainy amateur video in dim lighting, as was par for the course those days, but I could certainly make out three figures. Two guys fucking the same chick.

“Sure,” I typed back to Nick, “As long as the balls don’t touch, who cares.” I cringed inwardly saying that to Nick, but I had to keep some semblance of heterosexuality up with him. Otherwise, my gayness would be too obvious, and he wouldn’t ever want to spend a single moment with me again. For, as you the reader know, it is the greatest crime in all of human history to be gay. Cant tell anyone. Nope.

“No, I mean, who they’re fucking,” Came Nick’s reply after a brief moment. It caught me off guard, it was just some random internet chick, right?

Wrong. This chick had a dick. The bottom was actually a guy wearing garters, and I couldn’t originally tell from the four pixels of video quality I was trying to get off on. But it was clear that Nick was referencing the fact that two men were fucking a man. Sure, a man dressed as a woman, but a man nonetheless.

My heart started pounding even faster now. This was a test. In the middle of this incredibly intimate, soul bearing moment for Nick, he was also testing whether or not I was straight. Of course! It had nothing to do with him trying to parse out his own sexuality, seeking validation from me as a close friend. No, no, no. He was trying to trick me. Like everyone else, he wanted to test the resolve I had developed to hide my sexuality.

“I mean, as long as I can’t tell that she’s a dude, I guess I don’t care.” I replied. Because, of course, both men and women can be sodomized, so anal is anal, right? Ah, the logical gymnastics of a self-loathing adolescent gay. It was at that moment, the moment where I said, ‘Yea I guess I could fuck a dude as long as I could feign that I thought I was fucking a woman to maintain the appearance of heterosexuality,’ that my mom came in to enforce curfew. I said goodbye to Nick and handed the laptop over to her reluctantly. I was having the most sexually charged moment of my life with the sole and only object of my affections, and I was being told to go to bed? Damn it all.

* * * *

The entire cast of my high schools production of ‘The Mystery of Edwin Drood’ had gathered at someone’s house for the post-production cast party. Some kid had volunteered because they had an in-ground heated pool. And their parents agreed to a herd of high schoolers in their house to make sure every other parent that would stop by to pick up their kid could see the wealth they so flagrantly flaunted. Every parent that came that night would see the perfectly manicured lawn, the three story manor and the turn-about drive with a water feature.

But I didn’t care about any of that. No, what I cared about was seeing all the boys rough housing with each other, wet and only in their trunks. I was sitting next to my then girlfriend and a bunch of her friends. I was about six feet tall at this point, had finished up my braces, and had learned some lessons on how to act less effeminate. So when I asked her to go out two weeks prior, she had said yes. I was relieved at the time that a girl as pretty as her would say yes to going out with me. Surely, with a beard like Allie, no one would think me a homo.

Between laughs and banter, I watched Nick walk to a cooler to grab a soda. He had, and still does have, the single most massive ass I have ever seen. Had we lived in Cali, I would be suspicious he had gotten work done on that thing.

I ogled him as he bent over, the muscles in his legs sliding past one another, the different muscle groups clearly visible beneath his perfect skin. He stood up straight after grabbing a can, and I found myself admiring... everything.

Nick had always been athletic, always spending his free time doing something active. Ultimate frisbee, hiking, trips to Europe with his parents, you name it. And it showed in his body. The way his lats went all the way down to his waist, the individual striations of muscle that separated his obliques from his abs. And to top it all off, his Italian heritage left him bronze and tan, even after a particularly long winter in upstate New York.

And even with so much to drink in, my eyes wandered back south, each individual glute flexing, relaxing and bouncing like jello with each of his steps on the concrete surrounding the pool.

When he walked up to me, I hadn’t even noticed that my girlfriend and her company had left to go play party games indoors. I simply kept my eyes glued to his, not willing to break eye contact for fear of my gaze betraying just how eager I was to fuck this guy. He smiled his big smile as he sat down next to me, his perfect lips parting to reveal a beautiful set of white teeth against his brown skin, “Everyone went inside, then?”

“Guess so,” I said, standing up from the damp pool cushions, “Allie is in there anyways, I should see what she’s up to.” I remember hearing tittering followed by playful yelling coming from inside. I looked through the screen door and didn’t see anyone, though. They must have been in some adjacent room. Nick must have noticed too. His smile turned in to something softer, more playful, as he took one of the pool pillows and set it on his lap. He looked up at me and patted the newly created seat.

He was motioning for me to sit on his lap. The look I had must have been incredulous, because by way of response, he simply shrugged his shoulders, “I’m I bum and don’t want to get up.”

I beamed at him. I couldn’t help myself as I almost threw myself in to his lap. We were theatre kids after all. There was no lack of homoerotic behavior, and I had been warming up to the idea of casual male fraternity over the past couple of years. All this to say, this wasn’t exactly out of place. I had sat in the laps of my friends and them in mine.

But not alone, and not with Nick. There had always been an element of performance, as if to say, ‘Look at how comfortable I am being close to another dude. I must be very secure in my sexuality.’ But this felt more intimate. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I would find out that the pillow had been very strategically placed over his crotch.

All this to say, I very gladly took a seat. I felt his skin touch mine briefly as I positioned myself, and it felt like electricity. His abs were firm, and his pecs raised slowly up and then back down with each breath, his nipple grazing my elbow ever so lightly with the rise and fall of his chest.

Why was he breathing so heavy? Why was I breathing so heavy? There was a moment when I looked at him, the soft brown of his eyes darkened to a pitch black in the dim lighting of the pool area, that I realized exactly what he meant to me. Everyone was full of hormones and energy and angst, including Nick and I. And in that moment, all the casual flirting, the playful subtext, I wanted it to come to a head. I wanted to steal a kiss from him. So very badly, I wanted to lean over and begin working his body over with every part of mine.

I wanted him to be mine. I wanted permission to touch him, invade him, love him, and explore him. I wanted the go-ahead, the signal that would allow me to finally act on everything I had been feeling. But I wasn’t going to get that signal, not in that moment, as Allie slammed open the screen door, shattering the moment in to a million infinitesimally small pieces, “C’mon, guys! Stop being gay and get inside, we need you for teams!”

I stood up and did as I was told. Except for the gay part. I never did stop being gay.

* * * *

Nick was a Junior in school at this point. He had already turned seventeen, so he drove his parents old used vehicle. He had been my ride to the cast party, so when he had been summoned by his parents to come home, it was my time to leave as well. He was my ride, after all, and I was sticking to it. Even if Allie had offered to take me home instead.

“You know, Allie is hot as fuck,” He said, his hand deftly navigating the wheel of his vehicle. We had driven down this road a million times, he could probably do it blindfolded. “If she was here, you might be able to get some road head.” He smiled wryly at me. I saw an opportunity to bring up the subject of sex with Nick, and leapt on it.

“I’d have to be driving for it to be road head, dumb ass.” I retorted, my lopsided smile already coming out.

“If it meant getting you head, you could drive my car.” He said, coming to a stop at a red light.

“And what about you, just sitting in the back seat, watching it happen?” I said, silently counting the moments it would take to be at my house and dropped off. I wished Nick would drive slower, that I could enjoy his company for just a few more seconds.

He hummed, a hand rising to his chin in faux deep thought, “I guess your right. We’d have to take turns driving.” He kept his eyes fixed to the road, his own wry smile still plastered to his face, “I get her first. My car and everything.”

I whapped him on the arm and we laughed. I took every opportunity I could to touch him, and a whack counted in my books. But, as he and I finished our laughing, I saw my porch light getting ever nearer to his car. Everything that night, the talk of road head, me sitting in his lap, eating up the sight of him shirtless and more muscular than he had any right to be, it had clouded my judgment.

He parked on the curb to my house, and we met eyes one more time. I still wanted that kiss. But that would be too gay. So, I mustered up all the courage I had, I’m sure I gulped somewhere in there, and I reach my hand over to his crotch and grabbed his dick.

His eyes widened and he didn’t say anything. And I didn’t say anything. Nothing happened for what felt like the longest two seconds of my life as I heard my heart pounding in my chest. Then, very slowly, and very gently, he grabbed my wrist and moved it off his cock.

The love of my life, the man I had spent two years pining over, the man who I wanted desperately wanted to be like, had just rejected my advances. I took the hint and smiled awkwardly, gathering my bag, “I’ll— uh, see you tomorrow, at school.”

“Yeah.” Is all he said, eyes glued to the street in front of him. Which, honestly, was lucky for me, as my eyes were already welling up. My pale skin, even in the darkness of night and incandescent street lamps, was surely beat red and blotchy already.

I swung my bag over my shoulder and let myself out of his car, closing the door more forcefully than I had intended. With tears already staining my cheeks, I fumbled to find the house key, turned the latch, went inside and slumped down against the nearest wall. I held my knees to my forehead and cried harder than I ever have in my whole life.

My whole world, everything I had built as a teenager, had just come crashing down around me. It felt like my life was over, and now, I would have to face my mistake every single day at school. It would haunt me during band class, lunch period, and drama club. I squeezed my knees tighter, heaving and hiccuping.

I cried, and cried, and cried, until I finally found the energy to strip of my clothes, and climb the stairs to my lofted bed.

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you! I know there’s no *real* sex yet, but al the tags might suggest, this is indeed a slow burn. It does, however, make that moment all the more special. Just as it did in my actual life.

Get ready for me to get eight inches deep in to Nicks absolutely massive, ridiculously bubbly butt!