I awoke once again, but this time Evan was not there. I sat up and thought about what had happened the night before. I really couldn't believe that I had slept with another guy after Ryan. I felt really low and worst of all, it was his cousin whom I haven't seen in years. I opened the curtain and I did not realize how great the city was. We were in a very large building and I had a great view of the city. I turned on the TV and the first thing I heard.

"Graduation night is supposed to be one of the best nights in a young person's life. Now, recent Maple Heights High School graduate, Ryan Gallagher lies in a coma. After chasing a friend and saving him from suicide, whom identity is hidden, Ryan was struck by a speeding car. The young man who he was trying to save is currently okay but has asked to remain anonymous..."

"Grant made a good choice by keeping his identity secret. It gives you a little more time before shit completely hits the fan," Evan said as he walked in the room with nothing but a pair of white gym shorts on.

"Now an interview with one of the ambulance drivers, 'Yeah, when we picked him up and were checking for injury, it appears that the young man had just recently had anal sex, as there were blood and semen in his undergarments, but our main concern was curing his injuries,' the ambulance worker said.

"Oh god, they just said that on the news. Everybody must know now," I said to him.

As I said that, my phone rang, I looked at the caller and saw it was Tracy, our friend and Ryan's ex, who was the reason why we started dating.

"Shit," was the only thought I could think of, but I decided to answer the phone.

"Hello?" I said nonchalantly.

"Hello, is that all you can say? Do you hear what they are saying on the news about Ryan?"

"Yes, sadly," I said back.

"Well, shit's going crazy here," she said.

"What's happening?" I asked eagerly.

"Grant said that he was the one who had sex with Ryan, and that after he felt so guilty that he tried to kill himself and you both tried to save him. Now, nobody can find him, and the town is up in arms and has harassed his parents for raising a 'faggot' and me for being with both of them. They called me a whore and all sorts of nasty things," she said crying.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. It'll all blow over hopefully," I said to her.

"I don't think so... At least for not a while. James, where did you go? You moved out according to your parents," she said sobbing.

"I moved in with Evan until I go away to school," I said quietly back with obvious guilt.

"Please, can you come over? I need somebody to talk to. Nobody wants to talk to me," she asked pleadingly.

"I'm sorry... I can't. I can't see what they are saying about him. I don't... I can't deal with that drama. He's my best friend and I love him way too much to not lose my cool," I said while letting a tear run down from my eye.

"At least, let me come visit you," Tracy said.

"Okay, you can do that, but give me a couple of days to get myself situated. Don't forget what happened the last time we hung out. I'm still a little upset over that," I said knowing that I wasn't mad at her, but I felt horrible for her.

"Okay, well I have to go then. I'll see you soon," Tracy said while crying and hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?" Evan said while making flipping pancakes on two plates.

"Tracy... Ryan's..." I responded

"Ex. I know," He responded quickly.

"You all still talk?" He asked with a frown.

"Yeah. After what happened that one night that she and her friend pretty much raped me, we have all been friends, well because I didn't think it was right just to leave her as a friend. She wanted to come over and see me. Is that ok?" I asked as I had already finished.

"Yeah, although I'm not a big fan of it." he said as put the pan in the sink

"Thank you. She won't cause trouble."

"Don't worry, Elli."


"Oh shit... I'm really sorry." Evan responded by bawling and falling to the floor down to his knees.

I looked at Evan with nothing but sympathy. I almost lost Ryan to suicide. I... really had no words for what I was feeling at the time. All I wanted was for him to live, for me to be able to see him and hang out with all of the time. I didn't want our time to be cut short. And all of this was before I realized to what degree I had loved him. I couldn't imagine losing a lover to suicide. I can't help to wonder if I had the strength to withstand that pain myself. He sobbed harder than I have heard any man before and it was enough to make me cry. I would say I'm a really strong person mentally, but the sight of seeing him and all of the things I have dealt with as of late have made me see a more sensitive side of myself. I grabbed his hands and pulled him off of the ground, but Evan was just dead weight. He was a little heavier than me, even though it was all pure muscle. I let him cry onto my neck.

"I'm so sorry James. We need to talk about last night." he said as he sputtered with tears.

"It's okay. It's okay. Please, not right now." I said.

"We do. I shouldn't have gotten you drunk. I shouldn't have fucked you. You weren't mine. And I just took advantage of you." he said as he cried even harder while squeezing hard enough to crush me it felt like.

"Look, it's alright. We were drunk. I wanted it then."

"But, still I fucked my cousin's boyfriend while he's on his deathbed."

"And I cheated on him with his cousin. You weren't the only person having sex. I was hard the moment we reunited. I kissed you while sober in the hospital. Plus, me and Elliot... we look a lot alike. And you look like Ryan... We just had a connection and the alcohol took it farther. It was great. But... we are not in a relationship. Ryan and I are. Here..." I said as a picked him up by the back of his neck and knees.

"I'm getting you to bed to take a nap. Come on" I said with a smile.

I carried him off to the room and laid him down on the bed. He looked at me with a smile, but he was still sobbing. I took off my shirt as well and he looked at me, still sobbing and asked, "James, can I just hold you until I fall asleep?"

"Sure." I said hesitantly.

I laid down into the bed and I grabbed his muscular back and pulled him towards my chest. No part of this felt sexual, but I knew to what extent how hot this man truly was. He was so beautiful, blonde, toned, masculine, any guy or girl's dream. I accidentally held my hands at his tight ass and squeezed. He fell asleep, still crying and saying Elliot's name. I just remember how hard he held me as he was asleep and I too was falling asleep, missing Ryan. I closed my eyes and saw him smile at me, pure white teeth with his little dimples.

"Thank you." he said to me.


James Knoll

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