January 2026
The diner was eerily quiet and nearly empty. People had gone home to avoid being caught in the snow falling from the night sky. At a small table for two in the back, Noah and Matthew sat. They held each other's gaze. Both of them were searching for something in the other.
Noah searched for any signs of the man he loved. Matthew searched for the smallest clue that it could all be a lie. The weight of the moment was conveyed through their eyes.
“I have so many questions,” Noah finally said. His voice bordered on a complete meltdown. “You’re alive. I can’t believe it. I don’t understand how, but I’ve never been as happy in my life as I am right now.”
For a moment, Matthew sat silently. His face was stoic. He refused to allow himself to feel anything.
Noah slowly reached out. He just wanted to touch him. He needed to feel his flesh. It was the only way to make sure the man was real. His hand nervously reached out across the table.
Matthew watched the hand move toward him. It moved slowly across the distance. With just a few inches of space left, Matthew suddenly pulled away. His sudden movement startled Noah.
“Are you sure? Are you sure that I’m who you think I am?” Matthew asked.
A single tear dropped from Noah’s right eye. As it began to roll down his cheek, he quickly wiped it away. He didn’t want Matthew to question it. He wanted him to accept it, but he knew that was an impossible ask.
“I know with every part of me. Ten years and you’re still as beautiful as you were the last time I saw you. Your voice still haunts me the same as it always did.” His voice cracked with emotion as he spoke.
Noah fished his phone out and went to his photo gallery. He slid the phone across the table. Matthew looked down. His eyes landed on the photo.
Proof of a life and a love he couldn’t remember. They looked happy together. They looked so in love. They held each other in a warm embrace that screamed love.
“Us,” he mumbled as he looked up from the photo.
“Us,” Noah repeated.
Matthew looked at him. His olive-green eyes suddenly misty. He wanted to remember. He’d wished for the last ten years to remember his old life. Now he was staring at someone who played a pivotal role in his former life, and the thought of remembering terrified him.
“You’re afraid,” Noah said matter-of-factly.
Matthew swallowed so hard he swore Noah heard it.
“How do you know that?” he asked.
“I know that look. I know you,” he answered.
Matthew looked away. He looked out the window at the snow. Even with his head turned and his eyes away, he couldn’t help but see Noah’s reflection.
“That makes one of us,’ he mumbled.
“I could tell you…about you. Your name is Matthew Liang. You have a mother and father who love and miss you. You have a sister. Her name is Emily. You were born in Alabama. You’re 1st generation Chinese American. We went to high school together. You were the star wrestler at our school. I didn’t like you in high school. Mainly because I didn’t know you, but who I discovered you to be…moved me beyond words.”
Matthew turned his attention to Noah. “None of that sounds like me. I’m sorry. I’m Greg, Gregory Black. I’m not this guy. I’m not him, and you can’t make me be him!”
Matthew’s voice rose with the last part of his sentence.
The last thing Noah wanted was to upset him. He’d just gotten him back. Upsetting him was completely out of the question.
The waitress walked over. She was an older woman with curly red hair and a face that could intimidate anyone. Her presence, however, helped calm things between them.
“You fellas wanna order anything?” she asked.
“Two coffees, please,” Noah quickly answered.
“I don’t like coffee,” Matthew blurted out.
“I know,” Noah said as he gazed at him with soft eyes. “You would only drink it when I order it for you.” He turned toward the waitress. “Two coffees, three drops of sugar, two splashes of half and half, a splash of hazelnut, and a splash of vanilla. Thank you.”
The two men stared at one another. Their eyes dared the other to break the silence first, but they refused to cave to one another in the moment.
The waitress smirked. “Sounds like I’d like the way you order my coffee.”
She walked away. The two sat quietly.
Matthew’s gaze slowly began to soften. He wanted to keep his defenses up, but the longer he stared in the man’s eyes, the harder it became.
The waitress returned and placed the two cups of coffee on the table. She stood watch over them. She had no intention of leaving just yet.
Matthew glanced at her.
“Is there something wrong?” he asked.
“Well, I wanna know if he’s right about the coffee.” She nodded her head at Noah.
Matthew sighed and rolled his eyes. He picked up the cup and took a sip. The moment the flavor touched his tongue, his eyes fluttered.
“Yeah, that should do it.” The amusement was evident in her voice.
She turned and walked away. Matthew took another sip. He looked up and caught Noah with a smug, knowing grin on his face.
“Wipe that smug grin off your face,” he said, sternly.
“Just as soon as you admit that I was right,” Noah retorted.
“HA,” he laughed. “Lucky guess.”
“Still as stubborn as ever.”
“Something tells me you’ve always been a know-it-all.”
“Absolutely!” Noah quickly owned up to his behavior.
The quick banter felt just like old times. It was medicine for his soul.
Things between them fell silent once again. Matthew ran his fingers through his hair and then across the back of his neck.
“Why didn’t you look for me…for him? I…he woke up alone and afraid. There was no one there.” Matthew’s voice trembled with sorrow.
Noah closed his eyes. He inhaled and exhaled deeply—the weight of Matthew’s question and admission pressed against his heart.
“Evidence. It suggested that you were dead. They found this guy at the Canadian border with your car and wallet. Blood was inside that belonged to you. He said he had killed you, but he couldn’t remember where. I wanted it to be a lie.”
“I can’t imagine how that must’ve felt. I woke up after being in a coma for four months with no memories. I had no idea who I was. I wondered for so long why no one ever came for me. I wondered why no one looked for me. Boston is a big city, but it’s not that big.”
“I had no reason to think you were alive, let alone in Boston. We lived together in New York City. If I had known for one moment that you were here, I would have been at your bedside every day. You don’t love someone the way we loved each other, and not be there. I would have moved heaven and earth for you.”
“The same way you jumped in that river after him?”
“I’ll jump every time. I love you the same way I did yesterday. Even if you don’t remember me, because the truth is I never got out of the river.”
Matthew exhaled. The tone and emotion in Noah’s voice slipped past his defenses. Something shifted inside of him. His body slipped into a knowing place of comfort, safety, and trust.
Matthew cleared his throat. “I used to have this dream for years after I first woke up. I would get discharged, and I would be asking for the doctors to keep me because I had no one, and I didn’t know anything. Just as they are about to cave and let me stay in the only place I felt safe, the doors would fly open. This figure of a man would walk in. I could never see his face because it was wrapped in this brilliant bright light. But I knew he was there for me. I’d run toward him, and every time just before I could fall into his arms, I’d wake up. I’d wake up, and I’d be once again on my own…alone.”
“You don’t have to be…alone.”
“Aren’t you alone?”
“Yes, but not in the memories of us. Being on the bridge that night was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I fell in love with you that night.”
“How?” Matthew asked softly. It was almost as if he were afraid to know the truth.
Noah smiled as his mind began to drift back to that night. Back to the night they met, and he fell in love.
October 2005
Matthew and Noah stumbled into the bedroom. They both shivered under the weight of the wet clothes that clung to their flesh. Matthew closed the door and locked it.
“You can just toss your clothes wherever. I’ll grab you something of mine to change into,” Matthew instructed him as his teeth chattered.
Noah looked around the bedroom. It was clean and well put together. Posters of athletes and pictures of Matthew lined the walls. The dresser was full of medals and small trophies.
“Your parents won’t care that I’m in your room?” His body and voice shivered as he began to peel the wet clothes off his body.
“No,” Matthew chuckled. “I mean, they have no reason to care. We aren’t doing anything. Besides, they aren’t home.”
Both young men undressed down to their underwear. Their backs were toward one another, giving respect and modesty.
“Even when my parents aren’t home, they’re home,” Noah confessed. “I’m nineteen, and I feel like a prisoner in my own life.”
“You feel like that because of them or because you’re gay?”
The question stopped Noah in his tracks. He paused and turned around before he could stop himself.
Maybe it was the question. Maybe it was the softness in Matthew’s voice. Maybe it was something different altogether. Whatever it was, it died the second he turned around.
Matthew stood a few feet away by the edge of the bed. His damp, dark hair dripped onto the sharp line of his collarbone. Without his clothing, there was nothing to hide him. Water clung to the smooth golden skin of his chest. It traced slowly downward over his lean muscles and narrow waist. It disappeared beneath the black briefs that sat dangerously low on his hips.
The sight made Noah forget how to breathe.
Matthew wasn’t bulky or intimidating. He was unfairly graceful. He had long limbs, a toned stomach, and a soft definition beneath his wet skin. Matthew Liang was beautiful in a way that didn’t feel real at first glance.
All of that was wonderful, but the contrast is what completely ruined Noah.
The calmness in Matthew’s face, paired with the vulnerability of seeing him the way Noah could suddenly see him. The sharpness of his jaw was softened by the damp strands of hair. The way his olive eye lifted toward Noah without realizing what being around him half-dressed did to him.
It all made Noah’s stomach twist with heat in the lowest regions.
It felt immediate.
It was violent.
It was fucking terrifying.
“Because of them,” Noah finally answered. “I don’t think they’d care that I’m gay. I think they’d use it. I’ve been so afraid of my every move being used that I don’t know how to do anything with anyone. I’ve never been touched. Never been kissed. Never been held. Yet, I know with absolute certainty that I’m gay. It’s the only thing I know.”
“I’ve had experiences with girls and one guy. Just kissing. Nothing heavy yet. I enjoyed kissing them both, but my experience with the guy was way hotter. Guess that makes me bi or something.”
“Is that why you wanted to jump tonight? Because you’re bi…or something?”
“Partly. Mainly because I don’t know who I am. I graduated with no direction, and college is not high school. No one knows me there. My parents expect so much out of me. I feel like I’m failing to live up to their expectations. I’m afraid of disappointing them as I try to figure out who I am. I just wish I had figured it out before college.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing that you didn’t. You can be whoever you want to be there. No expectations.”
“What if I just want to be scared and confused but have someone around to tell the scary stuff to without judgment?”
“Then you tell it to me. I’ll be there for you. Seems only fair. I did jump in after you. I have to make sure I didn’t waste the jump.”
Matthew chuckled, and then his smile faded. He gazed into Noah’s eyes and found safety. It happened so fast that he didn’t bother to question it. He just knew he’d found the one thing he needed in life.
Noah’s view of Matthew changed instantly. What had been a meeting of coincidence felt deeper. There was now an awareness that hadn’t been there previously.
Noah suddenly became hyperaware of everything: the rainwater still running down Matthew’s things, the outline beneath the black fabric, the quiet rise and fall of his breathing, the warmth that gathered beneath Noah’s own skin.
His pulse beat hard against his ribs. For a disorienting second, Noah wanted to touch him. That was far more terrifying than anything.
He didn’t want it casually or accidentally. He wanted to know what Matthew’s skin felt like beneath his hands. It felt shameful.
Noah quickly looked away. Guilt washed over him.
Matthew blinked at him from across the room.
“What?” he asked softly.
Noah swallowed hard.
“Nothing,” he lied instantly.
Matthew looked him over. For a moment, he wanted to press harder for the truth, but he decided against it. Instead, he jumped into the bed and switched the TV on. Matthew patted the empty side next to him.
“Don’t make me watch TV alone, Monty.”
Noah scoffed, “Monty?”
Matthew nodded his head. “Monty.”
Noah didn’t move because, standing there in the warm glow of Matthew Liang’s bedroom, soaked from the rain and river water, Noah realized something inside of him had shifted.
And he knew he would never be able to shift it back. That very bit of knowledge made everything both terrifying and exhilarating.
TO BE CONTINUED
© Beckham G 2026. All rights reserved.
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