Public Exposure: How to Accessorize Naked

1 Nov 2018

Public Exposure: How to Accessorize Naked

When a guy is going to be naked in public, there aren't a lot of ways to make a fashion statement. So it comes down to accessories. And within those options, a belt is generally out as people don't tend to wear belts when not wearing pants.

Though at the moment, I'm wearing a belt and no pants, which, if I were to leave my apartment right now, would make me a trendsetter. Or a pariah. One of those two things.

So these guys are making the most of their limited sartorial options. When flashing truckers, dressing (or undressing) the part means a dirty cap and wool socks. Vogue magazine tyrant Anna Wintour, who has the subtlety of an 18-wheeler,  would honk her approval.

Public Exposure: How to Accessorize Naked

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Work boots and tube socks will always be a win in my book. They scream "I'm here! I'm naked! I'm in work boots and tube socks!" Not a complex political statement but at least accurate.

Roller blades, sneakers, gloves, headphones, and a pot leaf knit cap are all fine accessories with some form and function.

That leaves the guy at the top right, whose only accessories are a camera and a giant penis, which makes him the best undressed of the lot. Plus the person he's taking a picture of may themselves be nude, which makes him an exhibitionist and voyeur all at once. This is an enviable skill.

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