Guy Watching: I Want It

Let's break it down together. Here's what I want about each of these guys. But first, sure, I found each with a mouse click. Yet beyond the visual, they are well more than a mouse click away in real life. To find them in the flesh, I'd have to put out some sort of homosexual Amber Alert that would beam each pic to every cellphone in the United States (assuming these guys are even in the U.S.). Then folks could come forward as being or knowing each guy. And then I could get what I want. Totally feasible.

Ass-baring guy on track: The complete disregard for self-exposure is admirable. He's confident with his body, practical (no time for the locker room), and has a poundable ass. Also, he looks like he needs a massage. And he's hopefully dumb enough to respond positively to the come on: "You look like you need a massage." Plus, he has sweaty laundry he needs done.

Bulging spandex push-up guy: Bulging muscles. Bulging bulge. Tight top. I'll just be sliding right underneath him, face down, thank you.

Guy hanging out of his shorts: Dick slips generally make a guy desirable. Okay, this time, but not every time. I was once on a bus with Dick Cheney and he slipped it didn't make him desirable. At all.

Open-mouth guy on subway: He wants to suck cock and isn't afraid to let everyone know it. Though if confronted he may claim he was yawning. Don't buy it. He wants cock. That ugly tie is proof. Cock was on his mind while he was shopping for a tie. And that's the hideous result. I wonder how wide his mouth can get.

Obvious bulge guy on subway: I want to cop a feel. That's pretty much it. He can keep reading that dumb book. I have no problem with that.

Boner clerk: Any guy who applies for the job of "Boner Clerk" and gets it is a real doer in life. Plus he gets a store discount on jockstraps, slippers, iPads, enemas, beer and Cheerios. A true night and morning in. I hope he doesn't make me choose between paper and plastic. I want it all.

[Photos via Home of Homemade Cock, Spy on Cocks and Hot Sport Bulges and Butts]