Ask GayDemon: Worse Living Through Chemistry

I think I’m addicted to chem sex. I don’t seem to be able to get fucked or fuck unless I’m high. I’ve tried a few times with different guys and it just isn’t the same. I need to stop for health reasons but just can’t. The only thing I can see working is not having sex, but that’s going to be almost impossible. How can I win?
-Chemical Impulses

I think it's totally fine to have sex while in a lab coat. I know my chemistry teacher looked hot in his. Plus with his dress pants underneath, it was a whole situation of exciting hormonal business stirring afoot. Or those are the metaphors of my dreams. Actually I only took chemistry in high school and my teacher was a never-married Italian dykish lady. Just like I'll be someday! Minus the Italian part.

Oh, I just read the rest of your question. Sounds like you're addicted to tina. And I don't mean F-list actress Tina Yothers of Family Tiesfame and nothing else. I mean meth or whatever it's called. I don't take any nor am I a detox professional so asking me this question is officially your addiction talking because you know I can't help you.

But surprise because I can help you! Because I know about personal paradoxes.

Your sex drive pushes you to have sex and your addiction to drugs pushes you to take them while having sex. You would only think not having sex would help stop your addiction if you had an easier time not doing drugs during other activities. Like you don't need to get high in order to do laundry. You don't stare at a dirty pair of socks and want to ingest drug molecules. Or probably you don't.

You could try having sex that you hate. You'd hate it but it would be sex. So that's something. Though you may want to get high just to get through it. Rather than to magnify the non-existent pleasure hiding within bad sex.

So what I do suggest is having sex with men who have had a close friend or family member die from drug use. Go for a guy with a "Meth Kills" t-shirt, or who spends time handing out Meth education materials at bathhouses. Though some of those public health types are secret addicts, generally you'll be better off with someone who fights for men's health, specifically around drug use.

Also you could go out with an addict in recovery. With all these options, just find the absolute super hottest among them. You'll know they will be unwilling to be with you if you're high. And yes, they could tell.

So you may discover you're fully capable of having amazing sex without being high. Or that your standards are different when you're not high. You may need other things, like greater intimacy, even love. Several inches of love.

Even with this advice, you may feel trapped or helpless or otherwise stuck, so I encourage you to reach out, and keep reaching out, for help. Find culturally specific services where you can talk to professionals about what you're going through. That could mean an individual counselor and maybe a group (but not just a group).

The point is you need help. You may not find it right off, but keep looking. Keep trying. And you may end up remaking your life into something like you'd never even imagined possible. Tina Yothers would be proud. And so would Tina Turner and Mr. T. But good luck with Tina Fey. She's too busy filming American Express commercials.

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