Ask GayDemon: Under What?

I have just discovered something a little weird about my boyfriend of six months. Well, maybe it's not so weird. Maybe I'm the weird one. We don't live together yet, and one night at my boyfriend's condo as we got ready for bed, he took off his underwear and put them in a baggy. I asked about it and my boyfriend tells me that he has guys who have standing orders to purchase his well-worn underwear. He's connected with the men on Craigslist, but has never met them in person and has no desire to. They send him money and he sends them another pair of his underwear. Weird, right?

-Puzzled Witness

Welcome to capitalism. A theoretical place that controls most everyone's life and casts them as either product/service provider or product/service consumer. In this case the real winner is the plastic bag industry.

And your boyfriend for finding customers for his product. Because there used to be the adult section of eBay where this was a mainstay, with the keyword being "customized" as in "customized" socks, jocks or underwear. Hint: that means the guy sweats, pisses and/or ejaculates on the thing and, again, ships it in a plastic bag to waiting mouths and penises and whatevers to rub and sniff and suck and whatever.

I doubt so many brick and mortar retailers would have gone out of  business if they had been allowed to sell customized versions of every day wear. It would make job interviews go a bit differently.

"As your last test before being hired, ejaculate in this underwear."

Pardon me while I get wistful at my career that never was. 

So in your relationship, it is relevant that he packaged his underwear in front of you. That was a semi-decent way to tell you and then he communicated his boundaries. I suppose there is some post office bio-hazard fine possibility here. Or a DNA extraction placing that underwear at the scene of a crime or building a clone of your boyfriend.

If  you'd had an interest in those types of customization, you may have brought it up already. I would hope if you do, he would integrate it into your relationship for free. And you can just do the laundry after because there's always more fluids where those came from.

Or you could offer to go into business with him so he could start advertising "Double Cummed Undies" or "Double Piss Soaked Jocks" or "Black Dress Sock Used as Full-Release Condom for Deep Ass Fuck" (though Craigslist might have some bots that delete those ads for ever so slightly crossing the line or propriety).

Or just skip all that, let him take you out to dinner with his spoils, and then customize you directly, no products involved.

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