Ask GayDemon: Topless Bottoms

Posted 2 Jul 2017

I've been seeing this guy off and on for a few weeks and I like him. The sex is mostly pretty hot. We both love kissing and sucking dick, so there's no problems there. But we're also both bottoms. Can this work out long term?

-That Empty Feeling

Labels are positive as long as they aren't limiting. They can bring communities of people together, be liberating as one rails against the status quo, and, in this case, be a fun way to publicize your holes.

But when a label constricts you, keeps you away from what would otherwise be a good interaction, it's something to reassess. Now, if you genuinely have no interest in being a top (whatever that specifically means to you sexually) and he requires someone being a top, then your sexual interactions are limited to what you do now.

And vice versa. So the issue is if that's a deal breaker for either or both of you. And if it's a deal breaker on exclusivity or a door into some more creative connections. Like you two could be a couple and invite in a third (versatile or top guy) occasionally. Or even as part of a long term three-person relationship situation if all parties are amenable.

Or you could be each other's dildos sometimes, just getting off not on the being a top part inherently but on how much it turns on the other guy. But only if you really enjoy it on some level and it has a positive impact on your relationship. Not just to avoid not breaking up.

But if it gets down to how you just are in bed together, each wanting the other to be more dominant, each wanting the other to treat the other person with a demeanor that turns out to be genuinely not authentic, then it may not be a match. It's fine to want someone to try new things, and to go with the flow, but if it's just too much of an act, not coming from a genuine place at all, then it may be time to move on.

After kissing for a few hours and sucking each other's dicks for a while or keep that connection and each of you venture out on your own polyamorously. It's up to you to come up with creative solutions. And think about what bottom and top mean to each of you.

Because someone can ride or suck a cock in a way that takes control of the cock and is dominant as hell. Or fuck someone like a total submissive, helpless dildo. It's all in the brown eye of the beholder.

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