Ask GayDemon: Loud Fucking Roommate

I'm having trouble coming to terms with some of the things my new roommate is into. Every night he has 2 or 3 guys round and gets tag teamed, or hosts a mini group session. I need my sleep and the headboard banging constantly is making me tired at work. What should I say to him?
-STFU

Say you're absolutely sick of him having a headboard and that he needs to not have a headboard. Instead offer to buy him some wall cushions made especially for group fucks. IKEA has a whole line of these for cheap. The same IKEA that actually has sold a computer desk with the name JERKR. Not kidding. They understand.

Alternately, you can ask to participate because considering how much energy is being expended you would certainly be drained after. So probably get some sleep at a different time of day in advance, so you need less sleep before getting up in the morning.

If your boss is a hot guy and you want to explain to him why you're tired at work, do so and perhaps he can rearrange your schedule and his so you can both participate in the fun.

Or get a good pair of earplugs and sleep in the bathtub. Sure it's your apartment too but the benefit is random guys will be peeing right next to you, which can be very soothing as far as sleep. It's like counting sheep. Peeing sheep. Peeing sheep who look like top men.

He does seem quite inconsiderate though. I recall one time I was hunting for a roommate and went over this guy's place. He made a point to say that he and his boyfriend had very loud sex but that if I had a problem with it I could put a mattress in the closet (that shared a wall with his room). That would have eliminated my closet space so was a ridiculous suggestion. Though I did appreciate his honesty.

I was sort of intrigued about the situation until he added that he also had a friend who visited often who had an allergy to plastic bags. As in not being able to be in the same room as a plastic bag without ill effect. Chemical sensitivity is a thing, but I fail to see how that person could even make it as far as the apartment avoiding plastic bags. How they could ever go to a grocery store without risking their life.

So despite that he'd said he wanted me to meet his boyfriend before I would move in (some 3-way audition?) I just pretty much ran away.

Meaning everyone has their limits. So just fucking tell him your needs and if it's not a match then you or he need to go because his ass is hungry and not about to shut up.

That said, there are noise ordinances generally, but not from within the same place. So if a neighbor hasn't complained, there's no real enforcement possible by some outside force. If you're in the U.S., you could wait until the upcoming Supreme Court outlaws same sex activity, then call to have your roommate and his buddies hauled away and imprisoned. Something to look forward to. Though you may end up in the cell next door and he may again keep you awake with his fucking.

So probably just get some ear plugs and rub one out.

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