Ask GayDemon: Faster than a Speeding Cumshot

I cum too quickly and it's ruining my sex life. Heard of a two-minute wonder? I wish I could last two minutes. It doesn't matter if it's a handy, a blowjob, or fucking. I cum in under a minute. What can I do?

-Quickie Hater

So you've identified that you want the ability to last longer during sexual activity. And from your description, the issue is with direct sexual activity. You're not cumming from kissing or conversation. With fucking you don't say if it's from fucking someone or getting fucked or both, but either way it's still directly involving your penis. 

I don't suppose restating it does you a hell of a lot of good, but part of this is about your definition of the present state and your desired future state of being. You are a good, valid, sexual person regardless of this issue. And you have no trouble finding a sexual partner (or possibly partners). 

But there are a few ways you can proceed with this. One is to further define your desired future state. Don't compare yourself to porn stars (who may be on erection meds and have the benefit of editing). But rather think about what you want and what experience you want to provide to a partner.

That doesn't mean 95 minutes of fucking to the point that all the rubbing starts a crotch bonfire. But it could mean some longer direct sexual contact in which you have a better sense of when you're getting close and how to reduce stimulation. It's unreasonable to think that incredibly powerful stimulus during a sexual encounter wouldn't be a turn on. It is. 

But it is about you learning the place of that stimulus and also, and this is number two, finding partner(s) you can communicate with about this without judgment or pressure or ego. 

There is going to be some trial and error as you work on this. And even those supposed errors are part of the process. 

Three,  I would suggest you talk to your doctor, not inherently for some immediate urologist referral, but for a hopefully holistic view of what's going on with you. You may benefit from talking to a counselor about the expectations you place on yourself. But also you may benefit from understanding the biology involved.

So it's a combination of your relationship with yourself, your partner(s) and your body.

Be gentle with yourself throughout this. You're just trying to get to a future state that you define. And that definition can change along the way. There may be ways for you to enjoy sex without the intense level of direct stimulation that is an immediate challenge. That requires asserting yourself, and getting to know your body.

All told, by working through all this, you'll end up being a really good sexual communicator and know yourself better. You'll also be able to pick partner(s) who share your emphasis on verbal and nonverbal communication. All good things.

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