Ask GayDemon: Ex Sex Drama

I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We live together and have two cats and we're talking about buying a house, so we're pretty settled. A couple of months ago, I ran into an ex (he was my first big love) and we ended up having sex. I didn't tell my partner and we're not in an open relationship. The ex and I have had two other encounters, and they've been some of the best sex I've ever had, and now I'm wondering if there's still a spark. I don't know what to do.

-Cat and Ex Lover

You need to stay with your current partner for the sake of the cats. There are too many cats that are the emotional casualties of homosexual separations. It's not that the cats couldn't move on emotionally and focus on the activities most important to them, like being raging passive-aggressive bitches and cute. But there is a lot of stigma cat divorce victims face from their peers. So think of the cats, the proof of your commitment.

And you should continue to cheat on your partner with the ex you "ended up having sex" with. What an amazing semi-passive verb construction. It's almost like the sex happened to you and you have zero responsibility for it. Which technically would be a crime, because if you didn't have a role in it, you didn't consent. It just happened to you, and isn't that a horrific violation?

But you did like it and it was consensual and you went back for more. But definitely don't tell your partner because then you can't have your cake and eat it too and fuck it then fuck the other guy then fuck everything. 

Plus part of the sexual excitement you're experiencing with your ex is because you have no emotional entanglements. It's in a sense purely physical in a familiar way and carries with it some of the excitement of cheating that for you seems to be boner fuel.

Now if you do want to consider ethics in this situation, I would suggest you ready a backup place to live and tell your partner the situation and that you don't want to stop having sex with your ex (because that's  true). Volunteer to be the one that moves out, including that very day, if he needs space. Which can mean he's considering his response, and it may be okay with him, or something he'll forgive. Or it may be something that's a total deal breaker.

But if he does stay with you, consider that he may not have actually forgiven you and it may be something he brings up repeatedly, and it slowly plays out. The conflict between his desire to maintain what he can versus a crazy thing called self-respect.

Best situation for you is your partner has no self-respect and while he hates what you're doing he stays with you because he doesn't think he deserves a better situation for himself. Ask yourself if that is even something you aspire to be and perhaps you'll break up with him yourself. Just don't count on anything with your ex lasting. Remember your ex has no issue with you cheating and may be that way himself with you later.

Now excuse me while I go cheat on myself with my other hand (who is a total bitch sometimes). 

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