Ask GayDemon: Daddy Lessons

I'm a 55-year-old gay man in good shape, and I have salt 'n pepper hair, and a big grey mustache. I guess I fit the daddy look because I'm constantly being hit on by younger men, even 40-year-olds, who want to call me daddy and be dominated while I'm topping them. I prefer to top, but I've never thought of myself as a daddy and don't really know how to play this role, nor do I want to all the time. Is there an online daddy school where I can learn the ropes? What is this daddy stuff all about?

-New Daddy

Your physical appearance is coming off as a gay archetype to some. That doesn't mean you have to consent to being addressed as "dad" or "daddy" or that you have to fulfill a specific sexual role, even when interacting with a younger guy. Even among the guys drawn to you for your look, not all are looking for tops. Some want to fuck a daddy and some daddies like to get fucked. So it still is about what you and your partners each want to experience.

If you happen to be exclusively drawn to younger guys, you may be playing, or more precisely "being" this role more frequently as time goes on. But not all younger guys even care about seeing you that way or want to put that role on you. And some guys with your similar look may want to be with you because you're you, not just your physicality.

Still if you want to have fun playing the role, then even within that, it's complicated. Some guys may want genuine age play, you to call them "son" and sit there on a Sunday morning reading the actual physical newspaper while wearing slippers and blowing bubbles with your toy corncob pipe.

I just can't promote smoking, even in theory, so enjoy the toy pipe.

They may also want you to squint and show smile lines, maybe do a daddy thing like not recognize their young people music and then ask them to rub daddy's shoulders because he's had a long hard day reading the newspaper and wearing slippers. Not necessarily a recreation of their actual family experience, just a male/male relationship dynamic as a starting point. Because homosexual doesn't mean two identical people together.

Some may have just a pure association of daddy with dominant while others may associate it with sensitivity or caring, or some combination. Consider the variety of actual fathers. Some spank their actual kids. Some are total lunatics and horrors. Some are boring as hell. Some wear pleated pants.

The best way for you to learn is to just be yourself, communicate with your partners, asking what daddy means to them, and figure out what it means for yourself. Don't get typecast into a role that isn't a 24/7 fit, but you can play around with roles, as long as it's not the only one you play around with.

Most guys know it's a turn on in theory and that life isn't a porn movie. You can talk about yourself in the third person sometimes like "daddy wants to see you do..." or "daddy gets so hard when you..." or "suck daddy's dick, boy" or "daddy wants your cock in his ass."

Maybe not that last one, but you did say you didn't want to get fully stuck in a role.

If you fall in love with someone who is into seeing you that way, that can be okay because they can take it all with a grain of salt and not put pressure on you to be someone you're not.

As for if you want totally anonymous, porn-like encounters where you are the perfect daddy, well watch lots of daddy porn, use your words and find your niche. There are lots of types of daddies. Personally I prefer the climate change scientist daddy type. Lab coat and black framed glasses and wanting to save the world (including me).

You may wish to talk to actual guys experiencing the same thing as you. Popularity can be a double-edged sword and they may have some words of wisdom. At least wisdom is my stereotype as to what all daddies have.

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