Ask GayDemon: Cumless Cutie

Help! I can't cum and it is very embarrassing when I meet a really hot guy in the bar, go home with him, and have the best fuck but I just can't get there.

-Frustrated Fucker

Hahahahahaha! Hey squirt, that is a problem. You're a squirt who doesn't squirt. Hilarious! Any of the guys you hook up with laugh at you after dumping their load? Maybe a couple of them have laughed and cum at the same time, which is like sneezing and chewing gum at the same time. Or the oh so challenging full-split handstand ejaculation which ought to be an event in the homosexual olympics.

I use a lowercase "o" out of respect for the corrupt International Olympic Committee. Remember them as the group who allowed myriad official uses of the word Olympics except had a big problem with Gay Olympics, thus the Gay Games.

So if there were some sort of sexual decathlon, I'm thinking you'd look really cute in your shorts and tank top (you pick up really hot guys which I'll take your word for, so you must have some visual appeal). But you'd place last in every event, especially those requiring ejaculation.

It must be absolutely humiliating to never cum with a guy. I'd say maybe listen to your body, and casual sex isn't for you. It's romance you need. Commitment. Love. Patience. Seduction. But you're not looking for any of that. You're looking to blow and go. Cum and run. Blast and get out of there fast.

And you fail every time. Pathetic.

Hard now? This has been me checking to see if you're into being embarrassed. Because why else would you continue to go through the trouble of hooking up with guy after guy knowing you will go cumless. And not the kind of cumless where you've been locked in a cock cage by a dom. The kind where it's the ultimate anticlimax causing that guy to not want to go out with you again.

So find hot, selfish guys who don't care if you cum or not. In fact, make them remind you how tough it is for you to cum, how they should always cum first and they don't care if you cum or not. If you believe it hard enough, it's win-win. And if you want to make twice as many cumshots, don't think of it as his and yours. Rather, make the guy you hook up with cum twice, or hook up with twice as many guys who cum once.

It's simple math. Anyone who cums know that.

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