Ask GayDemon: Choose Your Own Adventure

My  boyfriend keeps trying to get me to blow him in the change room at a department store down at the mall. I want to be sexually adventurous with him, but I don't want a criminal record. What should I do?

-Cautious Cocksucker

You should fight politically for the right to have sex on private property.  Just don't be surprised if (after you win) someone shows up to your job and fucks on your desk while you're trying to finish a report. 

Or fucks on your counter top while you're trying to finish making a pizza.

Or  fucks in your International Space Station module while you're trying to finish an experiment that could potentially determine a cure for cancer and/or freezer burn.

But since you're not seeking political change, just have fun while not getting caught, here are some ideas.

Don't  suck him off in the changing room at all. Rather make a very realistic model of that room at home. Just needs to be a smaller room with a door.  So chop the bottom and top foot and a half off your bathroom door and blow him while he's sitting on the toilet.

Or more realistically make friends with a department store clerk who can make sure nobody will mess with you.

Except the fact is the reason why your boyfriend wants to do it is the fear of genuinely getting caught is thrilling to him. While for you, the thought of getting caught is a turn off. You like the excitement of it but not the actual risk.

Consider they count the number of garments someone takes into a room. Seems quite difficult to smuggle in an entire person. Unless you both take items into adjoining rooms and then scurry under the other's door. Nope,  just doesn't work. Unless you want to do the thing where you stand with each foot in a shopping bag so only two feet are visible. But still the noise, so forget it.

So  tell him no to this specific thing. But yes to working together to find ways to have some excitement while more seriously reducing any risk of negative consequences. And that may end up with more of a verbal fantasy. But that's still real. You two are real. Your fantasies are real. Your desire is real. And so is store security.

So get a job in store security and personally inspect your boyfriend while he's in the dressing room. Then quit right after.

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