Losing My Religion

Author’s Note: Seth had spent most of his life under the control of his abusive, religious zealot father until his older brother and his husband were able to get custody of him and his two brothers. While living with his brother he became more independent, came out, and grew more comfortable in his own skin. Now he’s heading off to college in 2,000 miles away to start life on his own out from under the control of his father and without the support of his brothers and friends. This is his chance to discover who is and who he wants to be.

This is a spin-off of my story “Adulting,” but you should be able to get into it without having read the other series. However, if you want to learn more about Seth and his upbringing feel free to read that story (all freaking 56 Chapters of it). For more background on the characters in THAT story see my first series “Exploring My True Self’ (40 more chapters of tears, cheers, and orgasms). Warning: I grab onto to the characters in my stories and just keep writing, so my stories tend to turn into to several chapters and include characters from previous works. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy this story.

Seth’s story

“So, what do you know about the guy anyway?” Eli asked as we drove over the border from Illinois into Wisconsin.

“Well, we’ve video chatted a few times. His name’s Eric and he’s a farm boy from Northern Wisconsin. Seems like a nice guy” I said, then added “tall, lanky, kinda cute in a nerdy way.”

“Is he gay?” Brian piped in.

“I have no clue.”

“Does he know you’re a big old queen?” Eli laughed at his own question and Brian chuckled with him.

“It never came up. So, it could get interesting” I answered.

“Well, we’re gonna find out before we head back to Arizona. I’m not leaving you two thousand miles away from home with some fucking homophobic roommate.” Eli said. My brother Eli was my protector. Our father was a religious zealot who wouldn’t think twice about locking us up for hours or beating us until we obeyed. Eli stepped between me and father’s belt more than once and always tried to make me feel safe. Basically, Eli was your typical big brother, He gave me a lot of shit and tormented me, but no one else was allowed to mess with me.

“Eli’s right. It’ll be easier living with the guy if you just put it out there,” Brian added. My brother Brian was my emotional support. He always listened to me and offered advice… it wasn’t always good advice, but he was always there for me. All my brothers and sisters cared about me, and each showed it in their own way.

“I’ll figure out a way to bring it up” I said trying to shut them both up.

For the past almost three years we had lived with my oldest brother Brad and his husband Scotty. They were able to get custody and get us away from my father. Up until that point I had lived in fear. Fear of god, and fear of my father. We were all still in touch with our mother, but Brad’s the only one who had spoken to Father in almost three years. My father called Brad and asked if he could come to my graduation party, but Brad concluded that he still wasn’t repentant enough to visit… that’s a nice way of saying Brad still considered him a dangerous asshole. I’m glad Brad told him no. I missed my mother, but honestly, I didn’t care if I ever saw my father again. I know that sounds awful, but I lived in fear of him for years… and the fear eventually turned to hatred.

Anyway… moving in with Brad and Scotty was scary as heck but it turned out to be the best thing for me. I was able to be myself and was comfortable enough to come out to them about a month after I moved in. Now I was moving across the country on my own and starting a whole new life at college. I was excited, but a little scared, and happy as hell that my brothers wanted to drive me across country to get me settled in at school. We’d been on the road for three days and stopped at every Stuckey’s and stupid tourist attraction along the way. We were having an awesome time; I was going to miss the hell out of them when they went back to Arizona.

We were spending the night at Mom and Pop Nicholls’ house, then it was off to Milwaukee in the morning where I’d start my new life as a college student. Mom and Pop Nicholls were my brother-in-law Scotty’s parents. They’ve basically been grandparents to me and my brothers for the last few years. They lived about an hour from campus. Mom N ran out to the car before it even stopped in the driveway, she was facetiming with Brad and Scotty and pointed her phone at us. “They’re here!” She yelled excitedly, “and they all look to be alive and in one piece.” Brad and Scotty said hi, were glad we made it safe, then hung up to let us hang out with Mom N and Pop. They always made me feel loved.

“How’s the road trip so far, boys?” Pop asked as we piled out of the car with our overnight bags. We all started to blurt out everything we had done and seen on the way. We were having a lot of fun together. We all talked as the three of us helped Mom N put dinner on the table, then we sat down to our first meal in three days that didn’t come wrapped in paper with French fries on the side. “I’m glad you guys stopped in to see us. Seth, we’re just an hour away if you need anything.”

“I know, Pop. Thanks” I said as I savored the homemade meal in front of me. We talked all through dinner, they asked us a million questions! They wanted to know about my roommate, my major (which was yet unknown), Eli’s apprenticeship, Brian’s new place, his classes, etc. It wasn’t just small talk with them, they really cared about us and wanted to know. After dinner we all headed up to bed.

I laid on Scotty’s old bed and I’m a little embarrassed to say I had a raging hardon. I hadn’t beaten-off in five days. I was so pre-occupied with packing that I didn’t even think to toss one out before we hit the road, and then I was stuck sharing motel rooms with Eli and Brian. I had zero privacy.

Technically, I was a virgin. My best friend Cam and I dated for a while when we both first came out, and we would mess around, mostly mutual masturbation, hand jobs and the occasional blowjob (I only did that a few times, but I loved it). Honestly, I saw myself as more of a relationship kind of guy than a “quick fuck” and was hoping to meet someone at college that I could… you know… ‘give myself to.’ As I lie there I started thinking about Cam and the different stuff we did. That wasn’t helping my hardon to go down, Cam was hot as fuck, and he really had a big penis. I thought more about him and started to stroke myself under the covers. My warm manhood felt good in my hand, and my warm hand felt good on my manhood. I got up, went to my suitcase and pulled out the bottle of lotion I had brought with me.

I squeezed some into my hand then reached down and rubbed it up and down my hard dick and started to stroke, dang, the cold, slick cream felt so good. I moved slowly because the bed was old and squeaky, and I really didn’t want the whole house to know what I was up to. I would be embarrassed as hell if Mom N and Pop caught me, and my brothers would never let me live it down. As I thought about Cam, I started to stroke harder, I pictured his hand on me, then his mouth, I could almost feel his warmth on my dick. I thought about the time he deepthroated me. Oh my god it was amazing, he kept swallowing to contract his muscles around my hard shaft, he choked a couple of times, but it didn’t stop him. I could see him looking up at me as he sucked, making eye contact. In my mind I was looking into his beautiful eyes, god he was sexy. The bed started to squeak as I stroked myself harder, I didn’t freaking care at this point, I was on a mission to empty my balls. I stifled my moans as I accomplished my mission. I pulled back the sheets and shot my pent-up load, oh my god, the first shot hit my chin and the rest landed on my chest and stomach. I was panting hard as I lie there in the afterglow. Dang, I needed that! After a minute or two I realized I was covered in cum so I grabbed one of my dirty socks from the floor and cleaned myself up as best I could, then hid the sock in the laundry bag I had in my suitcase. I planned on getting up early and doing laundry in the morning before we left. After my release I slept like a baby.

I woke to the alarm on my phone going off at 5AM. God, I hated that noise, but I couldn’t find any alarm sound that made waking up easy for me. I liked to sleep… so sue me. I hit the showers, then went to the laundry room to wash my clothes. The laundry room was just off the kitchen and Mom N was already up and making breakfast for us. “You’re the first one up” she said to me handing me a glass of orange juice “You must be excited to get going?”

“Yeah, check-in starts at 9:00 and I’m meeting my Roommate Eric at the Student Commons so we can check-in together” I said. “He’s bringing some loft beds that his brother gave him from when he lived in the dorms and I’m going to help him unload and then make Eli and Brian help us put it all together.”

“Sounds like you boys have it all planned out” Mom N replied shoving a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me. Just then Pop came in followed by my brothers who were both still in their boxers. They pounced into the empty seats at the table. Pop sat quietly while the other two grabbed anything they could get their hands on. “Eat up boys, after this it’s back to fast food for a while” Mom N said putting platters of bacon, eggs toast, and fruit down on the table. We kept shoveling it in.

“Hurry up you guys, I wanna get going” I said.

“Take it easy. Were only an hour away, Squirt” Eli said. “We’ll get you there on time to meet your new boyfriend.” He was sitting next to me, and I punched him in the arm. After breakfast we all got dressed and hit the road. Mom N walked us out and put a bunch of bags filled with groceries and homemade cookies in the back of the Bronco, and Pop slipped a hundred bucks into my pocket for “fun stuff,” then handed Eli some cash for gas. They always treated us like we were their own. That’s just how they were.

The last hour on the road felt like a lifetime, I was so freaking excited to get to the dorms, meet Eric, and explore my new world. When we finally got to the commons the three of us walked in and I recognized Eric right away. “Eric” I yelled as I waved across the room and started walking his way. As the three of us approached him he stared at us. He stood up when we reached him and I put my hand out and said, “Hey Eric, I’m Seth.”

He looked at the three of us, took my hand and said with a smile “You forgot to tell me you were triplets.” We got that all the time, the three of us looked a lot alike and we were extremely close in age. We all laughed, then sat down and had a cup of coffee before heading over to the dorms. Eric was charming. He looked a little nerdy, but he had a fun personality and was easy to talk to, he also took all the crap my brothers could dish out… and trust me, those two could dish out the crap.

Subtlety not being Eli’s strong point he blurted out “So Eric, you got a girlfriend?” Eric just smiled shyly and shook his head no. To my mortification Eli pushed harder “boyfriend?”

Eric’s eyes grew wider, and he blushed a little. But before I could punch Eli in the arm and say something to let Eric off the hook he said “I’m pansexual, it’s not about the gender, it’s about the person. But I’m currently single.” That took guts. Eli had no idea how to respond and just shut up. I liked anyone who could make Eli speechless, it was obvious we were going to get along fine.

“For the record, I’m gay. I hope you’re cool with that.” I said with an unexpected confidence in my voice. I honestly hadn’t planned on being that blunt about it, but what the hell, I decided to seize the moment.

“I’m good with that.” Eric smiled at me. “We should get rolling and check-in. My mom, dad and brother have the loft and all my stuff in the pick-up, they went to see my aunt on the West side. They’ll be back around 9:30.”

“Cool, let’s go!” I said and we walked over to the dorms. We were almost an hour early, but the lines were still long. Eli and Brian took off to explore the campus and Eric and I stood in line getting to know each other. I told him about my religious upbringing and then moving in with my gay brother, and he told me all about growing up on a dairy farm. He said his parents were both quiet and reserved, but awesome people, and that he loved his brother… but he was an asshole. I just laughed and said, “you met Eli.” We had a lot more in common that I thought we would. He loved to read like I did, was into video games, and even worked at Starbucks back home like me. His boss had a connection at the location just off campus and set him up with an interview. He said he’d try to help me get in too if I wanted. I wanted… I needed a job to help pay my way through school. I had saved up a lot of money, was able to get some financial aid, and Scotty and Brad were helping me too, but I was determined to get out of college without huge debt.

The check-in line seemed to move fast, I’m not sure if it really did or if we were just having a good time talking to each other. We finally checked-in and got our room keys. We were on the fourth floor, so we took the elevator up. The dorms were split up into dorm houses, each house consisted of two floors. Our dorm was co-ed, the third floor was girls and the fourth boys. The two floors were connected by a common area with a spiral metal staircase. The rooms were broken up into suites. Our suite had 2 double rooms with a lounge in between them, and a shared bathroom. Eric and I were the first in our suite to check in. We looked around, then met our relatives in the parking garage to unload.

After about two hours of unpacking and assembling, we were moved in with the loft set up and all our crap put away, our room turned out awesome. Our beds were in an L shape in the corner with Eric’s bed elevated, under his bunk there was a desk and a mini fridge. We set up my desk and the TV in the other corner of the room so we could both watch from our beds. We had everything we needed.

After we set up, Brian and Eli took me out to lunch while Eric said goodbye to his family. When we got back up to the suite, Eric was in our lounge with two other guys having a beer. “It’s the triplets!” Eric yelled as the two strangers laughed. “Hey, Seth! These are our suitemates Teddy and Zach.” I looked their way and stepped forward reaching out my hand. I shook Teddy’s hand first, then Zach’s. Eli and Brian introduced themselves as they all gave each other bro hugs (of course Eli initiated that. I wish I was that outgoing and confident).

“It’s great to meet you guys” I said with excitement in my voice, they were both good looking, had athletic bodies, and seemed like nice guys, but Zach. Fucking Zach. Oh my god he was beautiful. Blonde, chiseled features, toned body, a smile to die for, incredible hazel eyes, and charm just oozing out of every pore. It wasn’t a fake charm either, he was authentic. Real. And when he touched my hand… damn it was like an electric jolt shooting through my body. Eli nudged my shoulder with a dopey grin, he obviously saw me about to drool.

“Here catch” Zach said throwing me a beer. I put up my hand and caught it, then took a seat on the loveseat next to Zach while my brothers each took chairs. The six of us had a couple of beers and got to know each other (except Brian he was driving). I had no clue if Zach and Teddy were gay or straight, or something else. I listened for clues… you know talk about girlfriends, or how hot the girls in our dorm were, stuff like that. Nothing. I wondered if Eric had told them I was gay, I doubted that he did, he didn’t seem like the gossipy type. Not that I would care if he had, I never told him it was a secret or anything. Eli did his best to get them to talk about girlfriends, etc. but he didn’t get much information out of them.

After about an hour Brian stood up and said, “Eli! We need to hit the road if we want to make it to St Louis tonight.” They were driving as far as St louis and spend the night with the friend of the family. I walked them to the Bronco, and we all hugged goodbye, it was bittersweet. We had been through so much together. Our road trip out here had been a great way to say goodbye, I was going to miss the hell out of them. We pulled each other into a three-way hug and embraced for a couple of minutes. No words. No tears, just three brothers saying goodbye for a while. Eli tried slipping me a few bucks, but I wouldn’t take his money, he was struggling too, but that’s how my family was, we shared what we had. After they were out of sight, I headed back up to my room to hang out with my suitemates.

As I walked up the steps, I realized that I was on my own for the first time in my life. I wasn’t scared, in fact I was excited by the thought. Growing up in Texas I was known as the religious freak with the strict, zealot father. When I moved to Arizona to live with my brother, I was known as the gay kid who lived with his gay brother… the funny thing is that it was a lot easier to make friends being the gay kid than it was being the religious freak. Now… I’m Seth. I get to put the spin on who I am. I had a clean slate, and really hadn’t thought about who I was going to be… I guess time would tell.

I got back to the suite and the four of us just kept talking and hanging out until it was time to head down to dinner. They were all decent guys, and I was feeling like I hit the roommate jackpot. Teddy grew up in the same hometown as Scotty and knew of Scotty’s family from church. Zach grew up a couple of hours north of campus in a small town where his dad was the mayor. He was here on a partial soccer scholarship and was a real down to earth guy. I couldn’t take my eyes off him and hung on his every word but did my darnedest not to stare at him and be too obvious. I was smitten!

There was a welcome party in our dorm house that night, a mixer for us to get to know each other. When we got back from dinner people had already started gathering. A lot of kids hadn’t checked in yet so only about 75% of the house was there. The party was lame as hell. A bowl of chips, a bowl of popcorn and a couple of 2-liter bottles of soda sat on a table next to some paper plates and red solo cups. After living around a bunch of gay guys for the last couple of years I’d gotten used to loud, colorful pool parties full of half-naked people laughing, and mountains of food everywhere.

People seemed to cluster with their suitemates instead of mingling with the others in the dorm like we were supposed to. Billie, the Resident Assistant for our house stood in the middle of the common room and welcomed us all. She went through the house rules and got a lot of snickers when she announced there was a zero-tolerance rule on alcohol and pot. The four of us nonchalantly put our beers behind our backs (and we were far from alone).

After the intros and rules lecture Billie pulled out a bowl with a bunch of slips of paper. she reached in a grabbed two slips of paper, each with a name on it. She paired us off and we were supposed to talk to that person for the next ten minutes to get to know them. When our time was up, we were to introduce our partner to someone we knew, and they would spend ten minutes with them. The goal was to force us to meet new people.

I got paired with Gina. She was dressed in shorts and an oversized sweatshirt with her hair pulled back in a ponytail, but it was still obvious she was hot. Every other guy in the dorm was hoping to get paired up with her. “I’m sorry I look like shit; I’m just taking a break from unpacking” she said. I introduced myself and she gave me a devious grin and said “Well, at least they paired me with a hot guy.”

“Sorry, I’m gay” I said. OH SHIT! I just told her I was gay! I hadn’t even thought about it, I just said it. Nature was taking its course and my true personality was presenting itself.

Gina just laughed and said “It figures. I always go for the gay ones, they’re the most fun. Plus, you’re the hottest guy here.”

I smiled at the compliment, tilted my head in Zach’s direction and responded “Well, maybe second.”

She looked over at him and said “Okay, you win. Is he on your team or mine?”

“Not sure yet” was all I said.

“Okay, we won’t fight over him until we figure it out. If he’s bi… it’s on!” I laughed out loud at that, and we kept talking like we were best friends forever. The whole time we were talking Teddy was watching us, it was obvious he was into Gina, as was every other straight guy. I took that as my sign that Teddy was straight. When our ten minutes was up, Gina put her number in my phone, kissed me on the cheek. and then I flagged Teddy over and introduced them. Gina just rolled her eyes at me. Teddy gave me an appreciative smile and a fist bump. With that move I went from his competition to his wing man.

Gina pushed me in the direction of Matthew, a cute, slight guy who was flamboyant as hell. She told me she met him at check-in, and he was on my team. I rolled my eyes back at her then went over to Matthew and made a new friend. After Matthew I met two more of my dorm-mates then they set us free from this inane exercise. I’m sorry, but I have always hated crap like that. Father’s church loved ice-breakers and they always just made me cringe. I went back to my suite to find Teddy and the others in our lounge waiting for me. Teddy held up a vape and said, “c’mon boys, let’s go get high.” I had gotten high a couple of times before, frankly I liked it. So… I was all in.

The four of us followed Teddy out of the dorms, across the quad and into a wooded area that was only about 20 feet deep. On the other side was a private grassy hill, the four of us laid down looking at the night sky with our knees in the air and our feet planted firmly of the ground. I was between Teddy and Eric, and Zach was on the other side of Teddy.

Teddy took a drag from the vape, then passed it around. We were quiet for the first few tokes, then Teddy said, “Damn that Gina is fucking hot! And she was all over you West” (a shortened version of my last name that Teddy immediately started calling me). “Damn, I don’t wanna cock-block you, but if you aren’t gonna go for it, I will.”

“Go for it” I said, “she thinks you’re cute.”

“You’re not gonna go for that?! Really? She was all over you and she’s so fucking hot, smart, funny, the total package dude, what more could you possibly want?!” Teddy asked.

By now the beer and the weed were hitting us all and Eric, who had been mostly silent all day, answered with “a penis” and started laughing out loud at his own joke. Then he went completely silent realizing that he had just outed me.

It was quiet for a bit, then Teddy said “What? Seriously? Are you gay?”

Poor Eric. He turned to look at me and I could tell he felt like shit. He didn’t mean to out me, and frankly… it wasn’t really a secret. I just hadn’t figured out how to bring it up. Well, it was out there so what the hell. “Yup. I’m a big old queen” I said using Eli’s vernacular. I was still looking right at Eric and mouthed “it’s cool” a smile of relief came across his face.

“Are you fucking serious?!!” Teddy yelled. “That’s awesome! Brody, my best friend back home is gay, I used to get laid all the time because of him. He could talk to any chick. They loved him… you’re my new wingman West! Eric, you gay too?”

Eric was laughing again and said, “Not completely, I’m pan so you have a 50/50 chance of me being your wingman or your competition.” We all laughed out loud as we smoked and talked a little more.

Well, all of us except Zach. He hadn’t said a word since Eric outed me. Crap!

To be continued…