Losing My Religion

Seth’s story

We had a week and a half until our Thanksgiving trip to Arizona. Once Zach had come out, he found himself bombarded with questions and comments about his sexuality from his teammates, friends, family, and even just random acquaintances. For the most part, everyone was cool about it and supportive. Of course, his “old buddy” Sean did his best to twist Zach’s sexuality into something negative, but for the most part he was shot down by anyone who mattered. Sean was just an annoying little gnat buzzing around Zach, And Zach was good at ignoring him, nothing pisses off a bully more than being ignored.

It was a flurry of activity for Zach that week as he answered questions, confirmed rumors, and continued the arduous process known as coming out. Zach got called into the coach’s office mid-week for a one-on-one meeting. He was praised for his performance on the field this season, and informed that he was being offered a FULL scholarship for the next school year. The coach also told him that he had heard some rumors and wanted him to know that if the rumors were true, he had the full support of the faculty and coaching staff. Although he wasn’t asked to, Zach confirmed the rumors.

On Thursday, his father was in town on business and showed up unannounced to take Zach to dinner (and of course to check me out in the flesh).

“It’s nice to meet you in person, Seth.” Said the very handsome, charismatic Nathan Hall. He was the consummate politician. “I’m sorry to take Zach away from you this evening, but I have some private things to discuss with him. I hope you don’t mind” he said with a winning smile.

“Of course not, sir. I’m working tonight so he would’ve been on his own anyway. It’s very nice to meet you, and I can’t thank you enough for getting Zach the plane ticket to Arizona. My family is excited to meet him.” I said in my most parent-charming voice.

“Your family seems wonderful, I’m sure you’ll both have a great time” responded Nathan.

“Well, I need to head to work. You guys have fun” I said as I turned to leave the suite.

“Kelly and I hope you’ll join us on Christmas Eve at our home.” Nathan reminded. I thanked him for the invite and told him I would work on making it happen, then bid adieu to the two Hall men and headed off to work. I couldn’t help but remember what Zach said earlier about waiting for the other shoe to drop. This all seemed way too easy, I really hoped it was this easy for him.

Eric and I worked together that night, so my shift went by quickly and I was back in my room before I knew it. I had just finished changing out of my work clothes when my phone rang, it was Cam. FINALLY.

“Hey stranger, where the hell have you been? I miss you so much and I’ve been worried about you.” I said in an excited voice. Zach was still out with his father, Teddy was out with Gina, Eric was in our room studying, and the lounge was empty, so I stretched out on the couch as we talked. Cam was very subdued, not his usual happy self. “Is everything okay, Cam. You sound sad.”

“I am, I’m sorry I worried you” he said quietly into the phone. “I don’t fit in here. My roommate’s an ass… he’s just mean, Seth. I don’t like him, I don’t feel comfortable in my own room, I hate my classes, and I only have one friend, Sarah, she’s a total nerd. You’d love her. I spend a lot of time in her room” he said still whispering. “I just don’t like it here.”

“Have you told your parents?” I asked.

“Yeah, they made me promise to stick it out until the end of the school year and give it a chance. If I’m still unhappy they said I can transfer to ASU, or somewhere else.” He said “But, I’m not sure this college shit is for me.”

“YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL HERE!” I said half joking and half serious. I truly would have loved to have Cam around, but I knew he’d never go for it. I got a little chuckle from him.

“Seriously, Seth. I just don’t think four years of college is for me. I’m thinking about a trade like massage therapy, or X-ray technician, or something like that. I just know this isn’t for me” he said with a sadness in his voice that broke my heart. “Hey, are you going home for Thanksgiving?” He asked with a little more enthusiasm as he switched the subject.

“Yup. And guess who’s coming to dinner?” I said with a lilt in my voice.

He was silent for a moment as he thought, “no way? Hot straight boy?!” He asked perking up. I had told Cam about Zach before, but we hadn’t talked lately, and he didn’t know about Zach officially coming out and us dating seriously. I filled him in, he was laughing and seemed genuinely happy for me. “Oh my god, I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Hey!” I said with loud enthusiasm “Cheer up! We get to see each other next week!” That cheered him up. I really was excited to see him and introduce him to Zach… my two best friends EVER! We talked for about an hour and then hung up, he seemed much happier after we talked. But I was still worried about him, he was a wonderfully sensitive guy and easily crushed.

It was about 9:00 when Zach finally came back from dinner out with his dad. “Damn, you guys were gone a long time” I said as Zach walked into the room, ran his hand through his thick hair and started to pace around the lounge.

“Holy shit, Seth” Zach said. “My dad laid some major stuff on me tonight.” I looked at him waiting for him to tell me. “Hey, can we go for a walk?” He asked.

“Sure” I said as I grabbed my winter coat and we headed out into the Wisconsin night. It was November and the air was so cold we could see our breath. We walked silently across the campus and into the streets of the city. I couldn’t take the suspense anymore “So, what did he have to say?” I was afraid that his dad was going to talk him back into the closet.

Zach took a deep breath “It was some insane shit.” He said, then paused trying to think about where to start. “Well, he basically told me he was bi, but decided to live life as a straight guy because he wanted a family and a political career.”

I was shocked at what he said and wasn’t sure I heard him right “Wait, what?!” Was all I could bring myself to say.

“Yup. He told me that when he met my mom, he was also dating guys. He fell in love with her and wanted a family, and back then there weren’t a lot of options for gays to raise families, especially in a small conservative town. So, he decided to lead a straight life.” Zach explained.

“Does your mom know?” I asked.

“YES!!” He almost yelled. He was so animated. “That’s the thing. She knew he was bi when they met, but they discussed it, and she made him choose. They agreed to have what he called a ‘mixed-orientation marriage.’” I could tell Zach was struggling to wrap his head around it all. “He said that he has been faithful to my mom since then, and the campaign rumor about him and the younger guy was bullshit, but given his past, it was believable and if anyone really dug into his past, they could find enough to label him a closet case and try to kill his career.” Zach and I kept walking and talking.

“So, he made some tough choices in order to have a family. You gotta admire that” I said. Given his situation, and his desire for a family, I couldn’t blame the guy. “If he would have made different life choices, I wouldn’t have you” I said and I reached to hold his cold, red hand as we continued to walk.

“I know, that’s how I see it too” Zach said. “I asked him if he regretted his choice, and he didn’t hesitate to tell me no. He also said he was happy that things are different now, and that I have more options. Your family really impressed him. The bottom line is he supports me and is proud that I had the guts to do what he couldn’t… his words. The whole conversation was just bizarre.”

“Sounds like it. I mean, he must live in fear that his past will mess up his life. I feel bad for the guy.” I said.

“He mentioned that, then said he’s always been more socially liberal, and that it might actually play well with voters. He’s always thinking about the voters.” Zach said rolling his eyes. “My mom knows he came to talk to me, and he told me I could call and talk to her about it if I wanted.”

“You should” I said.

“I probably will later this week. Right now, I just need to think things through. Shit! This is a lot to process” he said as we headed back to the dorms.

“Are you doing okay with it all?” I asked. He nodded tentatively, “Well I’m here if you need to talk” I said. He kissed me on the cheek. After that we walked in silent for a bit, then he asked about my day. I told him about my conversation with Cam and how he didn’t seem quite like himself. He could tell I was worried.

When we got to the suite, everyone was in the lounge drinking hot chocolate and watching the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special. We joined them, and life went back to normal for a while. That night Max went back to his dorm room alone and Eric stayed in our room. That meant Zach and I couldn’t sleep in the same bed. In fact, we hadn’t slept in the same bed since Sunday. Yeah, I was a little horny, but more than anything I just wanted to hold Zach and whisper in his ear that everything was okay. But I had to settle for kissing him goodnight and sleeping alone. At least for tonight.

Friday night finally came, and I was finished up at work. Zach met me at Starbucks to take me out for a burger at the place just off campus. We sat down at the restaurant, and it was like we were holding court. Everyone there seemed to know us and stopped by the table to say hello. It was supposed to be the two of us, but somehow, we ended up at a table of six with our suitemates and their dates. Gina kept grabbing my fries, Teddy was checking out every chick in the place and getting elbowed by Gina every time he got caught, Max and Eric were checking out all the hot guys (and girls), and I was sitting across from Zach, and at his insistence, quizzing him on my family and friends back home.

He was bound and determined to know everything about them before we got to Phoenix. It was cute how nervous he was. The bottom line is that he was so damn hot that these guys would eat him up no matter what (Welcome to having a family of gay guys). “Zach, just be you! You don’t have to know all this shit, it’s not an exam.”

“I know, but they’re so fucking intimidating! They’re all fucking perfect and confident, and I’m the outsider.” Zach said. It was seriously adorable how this hot, fucking, jock was so insecure about meeting a bunch of confident gay men. Zach wasn’t used to being his true self and what he hadn’t yet realized was that his true self was pretty fucking awesome. I had about five days to calm him down, I had my work cut out for me. I continued to quiz him because it made him feel better.

After dinner we headed back to the dorms, Eric went to Max’s room to spend the night, and Teddy took Gina to his room which meant we could FINALLY have some privacy. Zach and I sat sideways on my bed with our backs to the wall and our legs hanging off the side. “I need you to do me a huge favor” I said to him.

“Anything for you” he said in a sickeningly sweet tone as he batted his eyes and put his hands under his chin.

“Seriously. You need to lighten-up” I said, “this is supposed to be a vacation, but I feel like it’s just stressing you out too much.” He moved closer to me, and we turned to face each other.

“I just want them to like me.” He said as he came in for a peck on the lips.

“They’re gonna love the fuck out of you” then I kissed him back. We started with tender kisses that became more passionate. Our hands started to roam each other’s now familiar bodies. My fingertips were getting to know his muscles and I loved the way he felt. We both pulled back to take off our shirts, my face went right into his armpit. I needed to inhale his scent. That did it! I was rock hard and raring to go. I got off the bed and knelt of the floor between his legs. I untied his shoes and pulled them off his feet, then fumbled with his belt and zipper before pulling his jeans off his legs. I looked up and admired him as he sat there in just his white socks and black briefs, his muscles glistening in the dim light.

I pulled his socks off one by one, then I sniffed them. I know it sounds gross as hell, but it was Zach. Nothing about him was gross to me. I started at his feet, taking the big toe of his right foot in my mouth. He took a deep breath, then exhaled with a “fuuuuuck Seth, what are you doing.” I didn’t answer him, I just took more of his toes in my mouth causing his moans to continue and multiply. He was loving it. I moved on to his other foot and he giggled as I took his foot out of my mouth “Now it’s cold” he said with a chuckle. I just kept moving forward taking the big toe of his left foot in my mouth, then as many more as I could fit. I went from sucking his toes to licking his foot starting with the underside. Then I moved to the top of his perfect foot and moved my tongue up the inside of his leg past the ankle, the calve, his knee, up his inner thigh and I poked my tongue into his leg hole and licked the side of his ball sac causing him to moan and squirm with pleasure. “Fuck, Seth, what are you fucking doing me?! You’re driving me crazy.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing” I whispered seductively as I pulled myself up so my face was inches from his as I reached down and wiggled his underwear off him. It was difficult pulling them over his engorged manhood, but I managed. Once they were gone, I had full access to him. I slinked down his lithe body until my face was between his legs. Again, I inhaled, damn that did it for me every time. My blood seemed to have turned into a mixture of testosterone and adrenaline at it coursed through my veins at a rapid pace making me harder and hornier. I dove in and licked up and down his shaft, then covered his balls with my mouth. I subtly pushed his legs into his chest as I licked lower and lower. It was MY turn to devour HIS virgin pucker.

His moans were guttural, loud, and non-stop as I forced my tongue into virgin territory. This is the most intimate I had ever been with another person; it was even more intimate than getting fucked. I inhaled again. His funk was this… this… indescribable drug that sent tingles through my entire being and transported me to a world where there was only his body and my tongue. At that moment my purpose was his pleasure, and I was living my purpose. With my hands now pressed hard against the back of his thighs pushing them into is chest I had his perfect, smooth ass at my disposal. I pushed my face into his crack and my tongue into his hole, licking his insides as he did to mine less than a week ago.

Zach reached out with both arms and pulled my face into his ass almost cutting off my air… I didn’t need it. I needed his hole; the taste, the texture, the scent, the lust, the passion, the intimacy, all of it. Fucking. All. Of. It! My saliva, his sweat, and his ass juices all mingling to create a dirty, sloppy, lusty hole. Zach was moaning and writhing in pleasure, enjoying the ecstasy, I took my chances and put a finger in. “NO!” Zach yelled as his hole clamped down around my finger, then pushed me out of him. “I’m not ready. I looked up and our eyes met. “I want it to be perfect, like it was when I fucked you. I want to prep, and I don’t want to be fucked on a dorm bed like some sorority bitch.” Zach said with a little laugh in his otherwise serious voice. “I want to experience what you did. Okay? It might take me some time. Can you wait?”

How the hell do I say no to that? He made my first time an amazing experience and I owed him the same. There would be other times, other opportunities. “Of course, I can wait. We’ll have other chances. Maybe when we’re in Phoenix. Or maybe over Christmas break.” I said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you, it was just so…”

“So fucking hot!” Zach said finishing my thought. “I know! Right?!” We both laughed. Damn he was so much fun to be with.

I stood up, pulled off my pants and we maneuvered on the bed to get ourselves into a side-by-side sixty-nine. Damn it was tight quarters on my little bed. This time he was pinned between me and the wall. His cock was down my throat and mine down his as we teased each other’s holes with our fingers.” It didn’t take long before we were both on the brink. We were starting to know each other’s patterns and could sense when the other was about to cum. The amazing thing about that night was that we both shot at the same time. No words. Now warnings. No backing off. His cum finding it’s way down my throat and mine finding its way down his. It was fucking amazing. I guzzled every drop of him, and he did the same to me. Then, he flipped around, got on top of me and kissed me, sharing our loads. CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT?! Zach had my load in his mouth and then I fed him his. It was so fucking disgusting and yet, the hottest thing I had ever experienced all at the same time. It was like every time we had sex, we each pushed ourselves a little further and discovered a little more.

“Wow!” Zach said as he rolled off me, “Just… wow!” And then we laughed. We didn’t bother to clean up, frankly neither one of us wanted to risk running into Teddy or Gina in the bathroom. So, there we were in each other’s filth and each other’s arms. I had my back against the wall and my arm around him. It was freezing outside, but our hot sweaty bodies were stuck together as we fell asleep.

I had the next day off, and Zach didn’t have a soccer or practice since the season was over, so we didn’t bother setting alarms. We awoke to the sound of the door opening as Eric tried to sneak in. “Sorry guys, I gotta work so I need to grab a shower and get my clothes.” Eric said, scaring the living shit out of Zach who jumped off the bed completely naked with his morning wood jetting in front of him. Eric just stared, then smiled with the most devilish grin “Damn. Just damn. No wonder Seth is so fucking happy all the time.” I laughed, but Zach panicked, looking for his underwear. Eric went about his business finding his clothes and grabbing his stuff. In seconds he was out of the door and in the shower.

“That wasn’t cool” Zach said.

I laughed “C’mon. who cares? And you better get used to it. My brother and Kev both have pools and none of my family or friends think twice about stripping down and jumping in. There’s no modesty” I said trying to prep him for entry into a different world next week. Zach looked at me with his jaw hanging.

“Really? I… I… I don’t know if I’m ready for that” stammered Zach.

I said with a laugh in my voice “It’s just nudity, I got used to it you will too.”

“What if I get a boner in front of these guys or something” Zach asked with horror in his eyes.

“They’ll give you shit about it, then forget about it ten seconds later” I answered, making things worse. “Listen, I know your family is conservative, and until a few days ago S-E-X was something you didn’t really talk about. That’s not how my family is. Hell, we talk about everything. Sex is not big deal.” Zach was not calmed by any of this, in fact he looked more horrified. “You know my friend Mauricio?”

“Yeah” Zach answered then he rattled off everything he knew about him “He’s the guy you used to go to church with, he’s Kevin and Randy’s neighbor, He’s Latino, and he’s married to Darren.”

“That was impressive” I laughed. “Mauricio once told me that the two best things in the world were sex and religion. And the two worst things in the world were sex and religion. It all depends on how much you know about it, and how you react to it.” I said.

Zach looked at me as he thought through what I said. “I guess that makes sense. So basically, you’re telling me to lighten-up again.” I laughed at his simplistic translation, but I think he understood.

“Yeah, pretty much. No one is there to judge you. Yeah, they’ll grill you, they’ll give you crap, they’ll treat you like a brother. But no one will judge you.” I said doing my best. “I want you to be comfortable, relax, and have fun. Do you think you can do that?” I asked giving him my most pathetic eyes.

Zach smiled “Damn, I’m kind of a prude, aren’t I?” He laughed.

“It’s all new to you. You should’ve seen me three years ago!” I said trying to make him feel better. “I was a good little church boy who thought all gay people were pedophiles. I was scared shitless of all of them. But they’re all awesome people. They took me in. They love me… and they’ll love you too. I promise.” That got me a smile and a kiss.

“I’ll try to lighten-up, I promise” He said with a grin as he finished gathering his clothes, dressed and went back to his own room just as Gina was taking the walk of shame through the lounge. They kind of grunted hello as they passed by each other.

The rest of the week was boring as I had my nose to the grindstone. I had a lot of studying to do before I left so I could spend the holiday without my books, so did Zach. We made it through the next several days, my final class ended at 1:00PM on Wednesday. I ran back to the dorm to grab my stuff and head to the airport. Zach was already packed and ready to go. He was sitting in the lounge with all our friends… I was the last one to finish. Zach was sitting there in linen shorts and a silk Tommy Bahama shirt.

“What the hell are you wearing? It’s forty freaking degrees out!” I said laughing at my overenthusiastic boyfriend.

“I’m ready for the other side!” He said as ran into my room, threw my books on my bed, grabbed my stuff and came back out to the lounge to say goodbye to our friends. We said goodbye to everyone, Gina insisted on hugs and shed a few tears. We headed down to the lobby to meet our Uber, yelling our goodbyes to our friends.

We got in the Uber and were on our way to the airport. I was so excited to show Zach off to my family. Zach sat there in his shorts shivering. He was about to enter a whole new world… MY world.

To be continued…