Losing My Religion

Seth’s story

We sat with Mauricio and Darren at church, it felt good to be back in the place that helped me understand that god loved me even though I was gay. After church we went to the fellowship room and were the center of attention, everyone seemed so happy to see me back home and they all loved Zach (of course). After church we got into the TT and headed to Jordy’s for breakfast.

“It’s been awesome having you here” I told Zach as we drove to the café.

“I’m having an awesome time with you, and I love it here” Zach said as he leaned back on the headrest and let the wind blow through his hair. “Will you come home with me on Christmas Eve?” he asked with his eyes closed and his face turned toward the sun.

“Do you want me there?” I asked. He punched my arm in response.

“Yes, dumbass! I want you there” he said with his eyes still closed and a smile on his beautiful face.

“let’s talk to Brad and Scotty at breakfast. I think we’re going to Mom and Pop Nicholls house on Christmas Day. So, we can go to your house on Christmas Eve, and then drive there on Christmas Day, it’s less than two hours away.” I said.

“Did you just invite me for Christmas Day?” Zach asked smirking.

“Sounds like it, but I gotta check with Scotty first” I said. The car came to a stop across from the café and I put on my blinker and waited to cross the street into the parking lot. I pulled up next to Scotty’s VW and parked. “I’m planning on staying in Wisconsin over winter break and working fulltime so I can make some extra cash. I have to request permission to stay in the dorms over the break.”

Zach looked over at me as we both got out of the tiny car “So, like you’ll be a little over an hour from me the whole time and have the place to yourself?” he said with a mischievous grin. “Hmmmmmm. Something to think about.” Mauricio and Darren pulled up right next to us and we walked into the restaurant together. Brian was waiting tables and there was a huge table of friends and family waiting for us. They all greeted us loudly as we walked through the door.

There were four open chairs at the end of the table. I sat down next to Scotty and before I even finished taking my seat, asked him if it was okay to invite Zach to Christmas at his parents. “It would mean a lot to Mom if you asked her yourself, I’m sure she’ll be great with it, but she would love to hear from you.”

“I’ll give her a call this week” I promised.

“Good and tell her all about Zach. She’s bugging the shit out of me wanting to know about ‘that young man Seth is seeing’” He said the last several words in a high-pitched voice mimicking his mother. I just laughed. “And while we’re on the subject, call your mom too! She told Brad you haven’ called in over two weeks.” I rolled my eyes at him “Awwww poor lil’ Fella’ it’s rough having so many people love you.” Scotty said as he patted me on the head like a puppy.

I laughed “yeah, yeah, yeah I get it, I’ll call my mom and yours this week I promise.” Scotty was right, being the baby of my biological family, and my chosen family I had a lot of people around me looking out for me. Having Matty and Baby Scotty around took a little of the attention off, which was good. Speaking of which… Matty was sitting across the table from me saying my name trying to get my attention while Scotty had squirmed and squealed his way out of his highchair into Zach’s arms. I don’t know what it was about Zach, but Scotty couldn’t get enough of the guy. If Zach was in the room, no one else mattered. Okay, maybe I did understand it… he had the same effect on me. Eventually Matty ended up on my lap as we all ate breakfast. This was our last meal together before Zach and I headed back to Milwaukee to finish out the semester.

After breakfast we spent a good twenty minutes in the parking lot as we loved everybody goodbye. Mauricio and Darren were off to visit Bruce and Michal (the older couple we visited on Thanksgiving); Zach really wanted to go with them, but we didn’t have a lot of time before our flight. Instead, we went back home to hang out.

Cam came over to say goodbye. He seemed a lot happier but was still nervous about going back. “At least it’s just for another few weeks” he said with a contented smile. “I’m looking into a trade school in Milwaukee, what do you think?” My heart jumped a little.

“Are you fucking serious?” I asked, Cam just smiled and nodded.

“That would be awesome” Zach said. Cam looked at him and gave him a nervous smile, I don’t think he was convinced that Zach really was okay with him trying to kiss me. But he was.

“Zach, umm...” Cam started his apology “I’m sorry, I was out of my mind last night. I promise Seth and I are just friends, and I won’t….”

“Cam, stop. I accept your apology. I get it. You were in a crazy place and Seth felt safe. I trust Seth, and I trust you. I think it would be awesome if you moved to Milwaukee.” Zach said, his words made Cam smile, there was still a blush of embarrassment on his face, but he seemed to know Zach was sincere and wasn’t going to hold his little indiscretion against him.

It was time to head to the airport. Leaving was bittersweet, I loved my life in Milwaukee and missed my friends, but damn, I was going to miss my family. These people meant so much to me, they were my protectors, my advisors, my friends… my family. Eli, Brian, and Olivia said goodbye in the driveway as we loaded into Scotty’s VW Taos, the vehicle that brought me from Texas to Arizona the first time almost three years ago. We had an incredible visit and Zach fit in seamlessly, but it was time to go.

Scotty and Brad drove us to the airport, and we hugged goodbye at the departures curb. “Listen, I can’t thank the two of you enough for the hospitality” Zach said as he gave each of the guys a one-armed hug and shook their hands.

“We’re glad you came, and you’re welcome back anytime, Zach” Scotty said. Then Brad took Zach aside as I said goodbye to Scotty. It was a tear-filled goodbye complete with a bear hug. I felt so safe around all these guys, and it was hard to leave, but it was time to go back to my life at college with Zach and our friends.

We made our way through the airport to the gate, up the ramp and onto the plane. Zach was silent until we sat down. “This was the best damn vacation of my life. I don’t want to go back to Milwaukee.” Zach said in a quiet voice as he laid his head back on the headrest and looked over at me. I just smiled, I understood how he felt.

“So, what did Brad say to you outside?” I asked. Zach got this shit eating grin on his face.

“Nothing” he said as he closed his eyes and reclined his seat.

“C’mon!” I said and punched his shoulder “What did he say?”

Zach turned to me and smiled “he just said that he thought I was a good guy, and that he liked the way I treated his baby brother. He also gave me his number in case I ever needed anything. He’s a good guy.” That sounded like Brad. I just smile back; his hand was on the arm of the seat, and I put mine over it. The village had officially accepted Zach. We both fell asleep shortly after takeoff. My head was against the window and his was on my shoulder. We woke up when the plane touched ground in Milwaukee, and it was a quick Uber ride back to the dorms.

When we got back to our suite it was around 8:00 and everyone was there “YAY! They’re back. I want to hear everything, and you better have pictures” Gina said as she jumped off the couch and threw her arms around me.

“We just ordered a couple of pizzas” Teddy said as he tossed Zach a beer and leaned into the mini fridge to grab one for me. Max and Eric were sitting next to each other studying and looked up and smiled at us.

“Cool” Zach said, then held up his backpack. “Just let us put our shit away.”

We both went into our rooms to drop our bags, then joined the others out to the lounge. I squeezed onto the couch next to Gina, pulled out my phone and started showing her pictures of everyone. She was squealing and asking a million questions. Zach squeezed next to her on the other side (pushing Teddy out of the way) and answered all her questions, I just basically held the phone while he went on endlessly about our trip. The way he gushed over my family was so freaking adorable, god I loved that guy so much. Zach ended up connecting my phone to the TV so everyone could see the pics, and videos. We were basically doing a slide show of our vacation and they were all actually into it! Which made me laugh inside. The pizzas showed up and we all dug in as the others told us about their holidays at home. Eric had a good old fashioned family Thanksgiving on the farm with a feast that was mostly homegrown. Max and his family went to his grandmothers, Teddy and his family had all the relatives over, Gina’s Thanksgiving was just her and her mother, but they had fun together. Their families all sounded awesome, but mine was definitely the most unusual, and my friends seemed fascinated by it.

Zach and I had a great visit with my family, but it was good to be back with our friends. We all had classes Monday morning. Max and Eric had been apart for the last four days and Max basically dragged Eric to his room leaving me alone in my room. Zach didn’t wait for an invitation, the second I got up he followed me into my room and locked the door behind us and within seconds we were nakd and spooning, I was the little spoon.

“Thanks for this weekend” Zach whispered in my ear, his hard cock pushing against my ass.

“Thank YOU for putting up with my family” I whispered back, knowing damn well he loved every minute of it.

He snickered in my ear “You know I loved. Every. Fucking. Minute” licking my neck between words, tickling me, and making me giggle. He kept licking my neck as he pushed his cock up and down my ass crack. I pushed back, I hadn’t been fucked since the night I gave him my virginity and I wanted it. The licks on my neck turned into tiny kisses and went from my neck to the side of my face, I turned, and our lips met as he continued to slide his hardness up and down. The heat of his manhood felt so good and occasionally, it would poke my pink pucker and drive me wild. I reached back, grabbing his head, and kissing him harder. I was tired as hell but so horned up, I had to have him. We had sex every single day while we were in Arizona, but I wanted more.

“I want you in me” I hissed passionately into our kiss.

His eyes popped open, and he hissed back “Really? You want me to fuck you?!”

“Yes” I said snaking my tongue between his lips. In that moment I wanted Zach in me, it was like… I don’t know, like the only way I could think for us to get any closer than we already were. That thought thrilled me.

Zach moved his kisses to my neck, then down my back and ultimately licking my ass crack. When he got there, he turned me onto my stomach and straddled the back of my legs as he bent down and promptly shoved his warm, wet tongue into my tight pucker. Oh my god, I lost track of the world as I pulled my pillow to my face and bit it. The sensation was so incredible, I loved getting my ass ate out and Zach was becoming a pro at it. He got so into it… that made it even hotter for me. I moaned and begged as I hugged my pillow with one hand and pushed his face into my ass with the other. He was an animal! He licked, lapped, and shoved his tongue into me; eating my ass like it was his last meal. FUCK! My moaning turned into whimpering as I reveled in the amazing sensation.

He laid on top of me as he came up for air and kissed me, then whispered, “That’s your ass your tasting” and giggled. For some reason that joke never got old for Zach, he thought it was hilarious when he told me I was tasting my own ass.

Most of my sexual experiences have been sweet and gentle. The first time we made love was so beautiful, so romantic. My first time topping Zach was beautiful and romantic. But this time I wanted it hard and rough, I wanted to get fucked! Our experience at The Resort had piqued my curiosity. Ever since I saw Cam at The Resort rough fucking that guy in the steam room, and tonight wanted it hard, maybe even a little rough… I wanted whatever Zach had to give me. I was aching for it.

I pulled Zach in and kissed him hard, tasting my own hole. I put a hand on either side of his head, looked him in the eye and said, “lube me up and fuck me hard!” A look of surprise crossed his beautiful face, then it morphed into an evil smile.

“Are you sure you want it hard?” Zach asked in a sultry voice that was not his own as his hard cock nestled in my ass crack. “I wanna fuck you doggy style” He said into my ear in a deep voice that tickled my ear drum and made my cock hard. “I want to watch your tight fucking hole eat my big cock” He said in the same voice. Sweet, lovable Zach was gone. He was replaced by a commanding top that wanted to make me his fuck toy as bad as I wanted to be his fuck toy. “I want to watch it slide in and out of your perfect ass” He said and then smacked my ass as hard as he could making me yelp and writhe in immeasurable pain and pleasure. Oh fuck I wanted this. I wanted HIM.

“Yes” I said in a breathy voice of submission. “I’m sure. I want it hard. I want you to take me any way you want to. Make me your fuck toy.” It wasn’t me talking, it was the sexual beast within.

Zach shoved his tongue in my ear making me whimper and writhe in ecstasy as he hissed the words “I want to give you more pleasure than you have ever felt in your entire fucking life.”

“God yes, give me all you fucking got, Zach.” I said lost in the fantasy, my eyes shut, and my ass pushing up begging for him. He reached in the nightstand to grab the bottle of lube. He squirted a little on his fingers and inserted one into my tight hole. He twisted and probed, trying to open me up. I moaned in response. He added a second finger, then a third. With each movement and twist, I moaned, whimpered and begged him to fuck me. HARD.

He started to lube up his big, hard cock then lined it up with my well-lubricated hole, then he came out of his breathy voice “Seth, do you really want me to fuck you hard?” There was concern in his voice, he wanted to fuck me hard but was afraid of hurting me.

“I fucking want it hard, and I want it now. Fuck me, Zach” I groaned with confidence “FUCK ME HARD! I mean it, I’m ready.”

“Tell me to stop if I hurt you, Okay?” he said, again with concern in his voice.

I looked back at him and our eyes locked. “I promise” I said. “Now FUCK ME!”

The evil smile came back to his face “remember, you asked for it” He said as he lined up his cock and shoved it in balls deep with one thrust, then stopped and held it there. He leaned over my back and growled in my ear “Is this what you want? My hard fucking cock?”

There was a shock of pain at first that almost immediately turned into euphoric pleasure. “Yes!” I yelled in a voice that came from within, a deep, manly, lust-filled voice that I didn’t recognize or even know existed. “Give me every fucking inch of that hard cock!” I hissed in my newfound voice as I pushed my ass back into him.

Zach was a tender lover, and he wasn’t quite sure how to respond to my rough sex demands. He timidly pulled out and slowly pushed in. The second time he pulled out, I took control and slammed my ass back into him, then pulled forward and slammed back again, I was fucking myself hard on his cock. That was his greenlight. He smacked my ass hard “here we go” he growled in my ear as he started to fuck me, I mean really fuck me. He pistoned in and out of me, smacking my ass hard, talking dirty to me “This is MY fucking hole” he said.

I responded as best I could, this was new to me too. “Take it! Take that fucking hole, own that ass” I said in my deep voice. “Fuck me as hard as you can!” With that he flipped me onto my back, his hard, throbbing cock never leaving my ass. We were now in the missionary position with him on top kissing me passionately… it was more like he was devouring my face with his mouth as he pounded my barely broken in ass. Each thrust made me groan into his mouth. I held the back of his head with my right hand as my left pulled his ass as deeply into me as possible. FUCK it was hot. We weren’t making love, we were fucking, and fucking hard. It was dirty, it was raw, it was me and Zach giving each other every pleasure we could. Zach lubed up his hand and started to pump my cock. I don’t think I had ever been that hard in my life. I could feel myself throbbing and pulsating. Zach lifted his upper body and sat on his knees as he held my hips and continued fucking into my ass. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked down my body. I didn’t recognize my own cock! It was hard, veiny, and dark purple. It looked bigger than ever as Zach stroked it.

“Make me come, Zach” I said. He started to thrust harder, and his hand went faster. “FUCK, keep going I’m gonna fucking cum.”

“Shoot it for me, gimme your load baby” Zach said as he huffed and panted giving me his all then he leaned in for a deep, wet kiss. That did it. I shot my load between us as I verbalized my orgasm into his mouth. As I came, my hole grabbed onto Zach’s veiny cock and gripped it tight.”

“FUCK!” He screamed into my mouth as his tongue probed hard and his hips moved faster, thrusting deep into my passage. Oh my god it felt awesome, I had already shot my load, but my orgasm was far from over. The sensations in my ass were amazing, we were lost in our own lust. He shot his cum deep into me and the warmth of his load spread throughout my insides. He kept pumping, and we kept kissing.

After we came, our kiss went from lust-filled passion, to tender and caring. His lusty, hard thrusts turned into slow, loving movements as we started to wind down. Finally, Zach just collapsed on top of me. His sweaty, cum-covered body was heaped on top of mine. “Oh my god” Zach huffed out “Is that what you wanted?”

I was huffing and puffing, adjusting to his entire mass laying on top of me “Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh my god, yes! It was fucking incredible.” I said as Zach rolled off me and we lay side by side.

“This was the perfect end to a weekend of new discoveries” Zach said. “I learned so much about you, your family, your friends, your life before college…” He turned to look into my eyes. “Oh my god, Seth. The entire world looks different to me now. We could actually have a family and grow old together.” He said.

His words caught me off guard and made my heart soar. Zach was talking about OUR future. A life together WITH ME. He was thinking about US. It was early in our relationship, but the fact that he was starting to weave me into his future was just the best fucking feeling in the world. “I love you so much, Zach.”

“I love you too, Seth. But I’m not stupid” He said. “A lot can change. We’re young, and both just discovering new shit. I promise you I will be honest and do whatever I can to grow our relationship.”

“I promise the same” I said looking into those deadly hazel eyes and brushing his hair out of the way. Those were the last words we spoke that night as we fell asleep face-to-face, in my village away from my village.

The next morning it was business as usual, back to the grind. Zach and I got up, showered (separately), got dressed and headed to Philosophy class. Teddy walked with us across campus, then parted ways to go to his class. Zach and I sat together in Philosophy as we usually did, but that day he sat a little closer. Our hands touched a couple of times as we were taking notes, and our knees bumped regularly. It was like any inhibitions or hesitations we had about being open and out as a couple were gone. We were together and Zach didn’t seem to care who knew it anymore.

After my classes I went to work. On the way there I called Mom Nicholls to talk about bringing Zach home at Christmas. She was so happy I called and of course she was thrilled by the prospect of ‘meeting that young man who had all my attention.’ For the past three years she had treated me and my brothers like her own family. We were lucky.

Work was uneventful. I talked to Andy (my manager at Starbuck’s) about working over the holiday. He guaranteed me 40 hours and said there would likely be a chance for overtime too with everybody gone. Now, I just had to get permission to stay in the dorm over the break. If that worked out, I had a plan. Christmas Eve at Zach’s, Christmas Day at Mom and Pop’s (with Zach), then back to the dorm for a week to earn some extra cash.

On the way home Cam called me. That’s what I said… CAM called ME for a change. “Hey buddy, are you back in Chicago?” I asked.

“Yup, and I had a fuck of a day” he responded. “I had my first session with the therapist today and it went great. It felt good to talk to someone.”

“Awesome! That’s a big step, Cam. I’m proud of you.”

Cam continued to tell me about his great day, “My mom and dad booked me an Air BNB for the rest of the semester, it’s close to campus and awesome, I went back to my room to get the rest of my stuff and Barry was there.”

“uh oh! How did THAT go?” I asked.

“He was a total dick. He had moved all my stuff into a corner and piled it on my bed and took over the whole damn room. So basically, he’d already kicked me out. That was it.” Cam paused and took a deep breath. “I stood up to him. All I said was ‘we don’t need to be friends; we don’t even need to like each other. But you sure as fuck better show me some respect.’”

“What did he say?!” I asked, waiting in suspense for the answer.

“The fucker spit at me” Cam said.

“Oh my god!! Are you serious?” I yelled.

“That was it. I grabbed the box of my shit, headed to housing, and filed an official complaint against him. They had already received my meeting request and asked me to fill out a report. I did. I named Barry and the others that were in the room, including Adam, the RA.” He had such a confidence in his voice, he was taking charge of his life and I fucking loved it. “I meet with the housing administration on Wednesday.”

“GOOD FOR YOU! I am so damn proud of you Cam” I said, I could almost hear him smiling over the phone.

“I finished moving into my new place, and I sent my application off to the school in Milwaukee. I called and spoke to admissions, and there’s a pretty good chance I can get still admitted for next semester” he told me.

“Oh my god, Cam! That would be so awesome.”

“There are no dorms, so I would need to find a small apartment. I might need you to go check a couple places out for me, would you do that?” He asked.

“Whatever you need!” I replied, I was truly excited at the possibility of Cam moving to Milwaukee.

The Thanksgiving trip home was more than a nice vacation. For me it was a family reunion. For Zach it was a peek into what the future could hold for him, maybe even for us. For Cam it was a reminder of who he was, and a renewal of his confidence. For all three of us, it was a time we wouldn’t soon forget.

###

Cam squirmed nervously in his chair, his leg bouncing up and down as the adrenaline pumped through him. Across the table was Ms. Fredrickson, the head of student housing sitting next to Adam, The Resident Assistant of Cam’s dormitory. Cam had just finished reading his complaint out loud. The head of student housing looked at Adam and asked “Adam, where you there that evening, as Cam states in his complaint?” There was no answer. “Adam?”

“Yes, Mam, I was there.” Adam said not making eye contact with either of the other people in the room.

She asked a follow-up question, “Is Cam’s account accurate?” The room was silent as the young RA looked down at the table.

To be continued…