Losing My Religion

His plane had already landed, and we were waiting near baggage claim, looking up at the escalator waiting for him to come down. I was so excited to see him! The last time I saw him he was lying in a hospital bed with a bump on his head and a couple of broken bones and I really needed to see him to know he was alright. “There he is” Zach said as he pointed to Cam descending. He looked good considering it was less than a month since the attack. We waved to him. Cam was still wearing a neck brace, he slowly moved his body around looking for us, then waved, but not to us. He was looking in the other direction and didn’t even see us. When he got to the bottom, he had a humongous smile on his face, and he limped his way towards a guy standing there holding a plant.

Cam was hugging the guy and still hadn’t even seen us. “Who’s that?” Zach asked.

“I have no clue” I said and started walking towards them “Let’s go find out.” We approached from behind, Cam was still wrapped in the stranger’s arms when I tapped him gently on the shoulder.

“Oh my god, Seth! Zach!” he screamed in excitement as he turned to embrace me. Then he introduced us to Adam, his RA from the dorms in Chicago. “Adam came all the way from Chicago just to see me.”

Adam was a good-looking guy, a couple of years older than us. I’m sure he was a nice fella’, but I still held a grudge. He was in the room when the others bullied Cam and he just sat there and did nothing. If he would’ve intervened who knows what would’ve happened. Maybe Cam would’ve fit in better, maybe he would’ve liked school enough to stay, and I was definite that he wouldn’t have been beaten up. I know Adam didn’t beat Cam, but I couldn’t help but see him as part of it. Cam had forgiven him. I hadn’t.

Adam was shy in his approach to us, he reached out to shake our hands “I heard a lot about both of you, it’s nice to finally put faces with the names.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Adam” Zach said with a smile. I just kind of sneered at him. He just sort of looked down at the ground. My distain for him was pretty obvious.

The four of us gathered Cam’s luggage off the conveyor and started walking through the airport to Zach’s car. Cam limped along with us while the three of us did the heavy lifting. Cam’s exterior injuries were still noticeable. He wore a neck brace, had a small bump on his head, a little scar on his cheek, and of course the limp. He looked a fuck of a lot better than he did the last time I saw him. I think the biggest change was his smile. He was glowing.

We loaded the car and Adam started to say goodbye. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay and bring a little life to your new home” He said as he handed the plant he had been lugging to Cam. “I’m going to head back to Chicago.”

“Already?” Cam said. “At least come check out my new place with us, then maybe we can all grab some lunch before you go.”

“I don’t want to intrude” Adam said politely.

Before anyone else could say anything, I responded “It was nice to meet you, have a safe trip back” in a curt tone. Zach shot me a nasty look and elbowed me signaling me to shut up.

“You’re not intruding!” Cam said, ignoring my bitchy outburst. “Where are you parked?” he asked. Adam pointed towards his car a few rows down. “I’ll ride with you, Zach do you know how to get to the apartment?”

“Yup. You guys can follow us. It’s about fifteen minutes away.” Zach said with a smile, “C’mon Seth, get in.” As Cam limped with Adam towards the other car, Zach and I got into the GTI.

The doors slammed shut “What the fuck, Seth?” Zach said in an angry tone. “I know you’re pissed at the gut, but obviously Cam likes him. He forgave him, you need to do the same.” He started the car and the engine whirred.

“I don’t need to do shit” I sneered back. Zach started laughing as he shook his head and pulled the car out of the parking space.

“You’re loyal to a fault” he said with a grin.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I shot back still pissed.

“You think Adam hurt your friend, therefore he’s the enemy. God, hurt you friend, therefore he’s the enemy” Zach said, finding it all amusing. “You’re loyal to a fault.”

“Don’t fuck with my friends” I sneered at him making him laugh out loud.

“Let it go Seth” Zach said with an amused smile. “Cam glows around the guy, maybe this is a good thing for him. Listen, obviously Adam has issues… issues I can relate to. Coming out isn’t easy, he made a huge mistake, and he knows it and has to live with it. Cam forgave him. It’s your turn.”

“I’ll be nicer to him, but I can’t guarantee I’ll forgive him” I said. By now we were back on the freeway headed to the East side of the city, and Zach was pushing every speed limit, “Slow down or we’ll lose them in traffic” I said.

He slowed the little car down and then looked at me and said “Cam deserves to be happy. If Adam makes him happy, isn’t that a good thing?”

“Not if Adam’s not a good guy” I said looking out the window as we sped down the freeway looking down on the Third Ward district, then downtown, moving closer to our destination. Zach slowed down and took an exit just north of downtown and headed east towards the lake.

“He’s probably a good guy who just made a dumb mistake” Zach reasoned. “If you’d quit being a bitch and get to know the guy, you could decide if he was a good guy or not” Zach said grinning at me and giving me the side-eye.

God, he knew me so well and he didn’t hesitate to call me out on my shit. I chuckled a little and tried to suppress my grin as I said “Fine. I’ll be nice. But I can’t make any promises.” Zach pecked me on the cheek. We drove about another mile and then pulled up in front of an old brick building, Adam pulled up behind us. Zach and I had checked the place out before Cam signed the lease, so we’d been there before.

We all got out of the cars; Cam looked around, still holding the plant Adam had given him. He pulled the keys the landlord had sent him out of the pocket of his heavy coat, walked up the cement steps, and unlocked the door to the lobby. Then he handed me the spare set and said “hold onto these in case of an emergency.” His apartment was at the end of the first floor. We walked down the hall and he unlocked the deadbolt letting us into the tiny, furnished apartment.

“It’s cute, I can make this work” Cam said as he walked in, “I love it!” He looked around, there wasn’t much to it. A small living room with a kitchenette off to one side, and a tiny bedroom and bath off to the other. It was furnished sparsely with old, mismatched pieces that had seen better days, but it would do. The building was centrally located and had twelve units in the building, most of them occupied by students, some going to UWM, some to Marquette, some to MATC, and others to trade schools like Cam.

“It’s a definite step up from the dorms” Adam said.

We all headed back to the cars and unloaded Cam’s stuff. We helped him unpack, he made a shopping list … silverware, plates, furniture covers, and of course food. We decided to go to Ma Fischer’s for lunch, it was just about five blocks away, and then make a Target run. Adam was going to join us for lunch, then head back to Chicago.

At lunch I let my guard down, and I hate to admit it, but I started to like Adam. I really didn’t want to, but he was a nice guy. Zach was probably right; he just made a mistake that he regretted, and it was obvious that Cam liked this guy. ‘FINE! I’ll give him a chance’ I thought to myself. I didn’t like to admit when I was wrong.

Zach, Adam, and Cam were laughing and getting along, I tried not to join in out of spite for Adam, but eventually I caved, and we all had a great time. Adam really was a good guy, and it was obvious that he cared for Cam too. He was in his final semester, doing an internship in radio and planned on starting his job search in the spring. He wanted to get into broadcast management, he knew what he wanted to do. His family was from Peoria, Illinois and he wanted to live in a larger market within driving distance from his family. He hoped to settle in Milwaukee, Chicago, or maybe St Louis. He had goals, and Cam hung on his every word as he spoke. After lunch we walked Adam to his car and said goodbye. He shook my hand and then gave me a one-armed hug and whispered in my ear “I know you haven’t forgiven me for what happened to Cam, I haven’t forgiven myself either.”

He caught me totally off guard and I wasn’t sure what to say. I lifted my arm and hugged him back and whispered, “be good to Cam, and I’ll forgive you.”

“Promise” he said. Then let go of me, hugged Cam, got in his car, and headed back to Chicago. The three of us got into Zach’s car and went to Target to get Cam stocked up and settled in.

When we got back to Cam’s we unloaded all his purchases and helped him unpack. After a couple of hours, I walked Zach to his car and said goodbye. I was sad to see him go but I knew he’d be back in a couple of days. Plus, it would give me a chance for some alone time with my best friend. After I watched the little GTI Whir off, I went back into Cam’s apartment, it was shaping up nicely. Cam picked up some nice furniture covers and throw pillows that gave the place a cozy, homey feel. He also bought a nice comforter and a set of dishes. He put the plant from Adam in the center of the tiny kitchen table.

It was about 6:00 when we finally took a break and sat on the two chairs in the tiny living room and talked. “You like Adam, don’t you?” I asked. Cam nodded and then babbled about him endlessly, he was smitten. “But don’t you kind of blame him for what happened?” I asked, “He could’ve shut it all down but didn’t.”

“Geez, Seth. Let it go” Cam said. “It happened, it sucked, I got to move on. Adam didn’t do anything, he just happened to be there. He was scared shitless of outing himself… remember what that was like?” Cam asked looking me square in the eyes. “Remember when it felt like the world would end if anyone found out you were gay? We were lucky, we had each other. Adam was surrounded by pricks and did what he had to do to survive. He NEVER thought it would go as far as it did. I’m past it, now let it go and let’s talk about how fucking adorable he is!”

Cam hit a chord with me. I DID remember that awful feeling. That anxiety. That fear of being discovered and the world as you knew it ending. Plus, all I wanted was for my friends to be happy and there was no denying that Cam was the happiest I had seen him since high school. I decided then to let go of my anger for Adam, and for god, and instead be happy for my friend. So, we talked about Adam. Cam was falling hard for the guy, but the long-distance thing was a pain in the ass. They hadn’t dated or done anything, in fact this was the first time they had seen each other since Cam left Chicago, but they talked every day. They decided to play it by ear, they were both free to date other people, but they were going to keep in touch and see where it went. Cam was hoping that Adam would move to Milwaukee after graduation, but he was also being realistic and knew it was a longshot. I loved how Cam got so animated when he talked about Adam, I was just worried that he’d get hurt.

We ordered Chinese delivery and ate our first dinner together in Milwaukee. It was awesome having my best friend living just a mile or so away, we were together again, and it felt good. He noticed my ring and asked if we were engaged, I just laughed and told him the story behind it. He thought it was cute that Zach worried about me being alone and told me again how much he liked him.

I spent the night at Cam’s, we slept side by side in his bed. Me and my best friend. I slept great!

I had a couple of more days left of being alone in the dorms. Cam’s place was close to work, so every night after work and we had dinner and hung out. We went for walks, and I showed Cam around the city. Hanging with Cam was so much better than being alone in the dorms. I was so glad he moved to town. On Sunday I went to church… alone. If Cam could forgive Adam, I could forgive god. I listened to the readings and the sermon as I sat there alone wearing the St Joseph medal Kelly and Nathan gave me, twirling the reminder ring on my finger, and thinking about all the great things in my world. If there was a god he deserved credit for the good things too, not just blame for the bad. I didn’t have the answers, maybe god was good, maybe he was vengeful, maybe he didn’t exist. I didn’t know. All I knew for sure is that I was pretty damn lucky.

After church I went into the fellowship hall for coffee, a woman in her seventies approached me “now which one are you?” she asked “Max?”

We had spoken to her before, and I remembered her name was Mary. “No, I’m Seth. You’re Mary, right?” I responded.

“You remember me, how nice” she said. “Where are all your friends today?” She asked, I explained they were all home for the break, then she said “I noticed you haven’t been coming with them lately. I thought maybe you all had a falling out or something.” She took a seat at one of the round tables and motioned for me to sit with her. I told her about my feud with god. She listened and nodded as I spoke.

When I was done, she just looked at me thoughtfully and then told me her story. “I was raised in a very religious home where it was believed that god was vengeful, my parents were very controlling. I got very married very young to get out of there. I got lucky and married a great man who I loved, and he loved me. He helped me see that god was loving not vengeful. We had a beautiful, smart daughter who we loved; she was the center of our world.” She paused and looked down at her coffee cup. “She was killed in a car accident while driving to her first day of nursing school.” She looked up at me “I blamed god and hated him for a lot of years. I became bitter and awful to be around. My husband sat me down one day and told me he loved me, but couldn’t take living this way, I either had to figure out a way to make peace with god, or I would lose my husband. That’s when I found this church.” She told me that she made her peace and she and her husband lived a good life together until he passed away about two years ago. Her biggest regret in life was the time she wasted being mad at god.

Her story hit home, she understood exactly what I was going through. “So, what the hell is the answer?” I asked in desperation.

She reached across the table and grabbed my hand, “How the fuck would I know? I’m just a crazy old lady.” She said with a look of sincerity. I laughed out loud. “Honey, no one knows the answers, that’s why we come here… to figure it out and be surrounded by a bunch of other good-hearted idiots just like us who have no clue but just want to be the best people they can.” I smiled at her, she was about six decades older than I was, and she was still trying to figure it out too. That thought was surprisingly comforting. I invited her to have breakfast at Ma Fischer’s with me and she excitedly accepted saying she hadn’t been there in decades. We continued our talk over a greasy breakfast, she really helped me. We hugged goodbye and I promised to see her at church the next week. After we parted I headed off to work for my last shift of the break. The new semester started the next day.

When I got back to the dorms after my shift, the front doors were officially unlocked, and the lobby was buzzing with students moving back in. I was so happy to see life in the building again. When the elevator door opened on the fourth floor, I heard laughter coming from my suite. The door was wide open, and my suitemates were all back and hanging out in the lounge. I was so happy to see them, hell I was happy to see anyone in that big, cold, creepy building. My week there alone was awful, thank god Cam showed up when he did to keep me occupied or I would’ve lost my mind.

I walked into the suite “SETH!!!!” my suitemates all yelled, Zach jumped up and hugged me, I was genuinely happy to see them all, the week from hell was over! Thanks to Zach and Cam I made it through.

“We ordered pizza; you owe me fifteen bucks” Teddy said as he handed me a beer.

I pulled out my wallet and threw him a twenty “tip the guy for a change” I said. Damn I was glad to see them all and to have some life in our suite again.

The pizza came and the four of us inhaled as we talked about the break. We were laughing and talking so freaking loudly, we were back… and it was awesome. “Where are Max and Gina?” I asked.

“Gina’s mom wanted her to stay for dinner tonight. She’ll be back about 9:00” Teddy said. ‘Good’ I thought, ‘maybe Teddy will sleep in her room and Zach, and I can sleep in his room tonight.”

“What about Max?” I asked.

The room went silent as everyone ate their pizza. “Uh oh? What did I miss?” I asked looking at ach.

“Um… Max is kind of not talking to me” Eric said as he continued to eat. “I kind of hooked up with my ex over the break.”

“Eric?!” I barked in a disappointed tone. “Are you back together with him?”

Teddy and Zach both snickered a little “Um her. Not him” Eric said, “and no, it was just a hook-up. Me and Max aren’t exclusive or anything, I was out with a group of friends, she was there, I was a little drunk…shit, it just happened, it was stupid.”

“So, are you and Max done?” I asked

“I think we’ll figure it out. But for now, he’s pissed off and avoiding me” Eric said. “It’s gonna take a while.” I felt bad for Max, he was such a good guy. I know, I know, Eric was too, he just made a mistake, but Max was the one who got hurt.

I went into my room to change, Zach followed me in and locked the door behind us. I took of my winter coat, and he unbuttoned my shirt then pulled the undershirt over my head and went to work on my nipples, licking them one at a time, his tongue was creating magical sensations. I threw my head back and Zach undid my belt and unzipped my pants as he licked and bit my nipples some more. I stepped out of my shoes as Zach pushed my pants and underwear down to my ankles. I was standing there completely naked.

Zach was still fully clothed when he put his hand on my bare chest and pushed me onto my bed. I plopped down on the tiny bed with my feet hanging off the side and still on the floor. Zach was on his knees and looked up at me as he took my cock into his mouth and deep down my throat in one gulp. Oh my god the sudden attack made my cock raging har. I could feel his throat muscles contracting on my pulsating cockhead. He moved his head up and down, pulling completely off my cock then licking around the head. He made one long lick down the underside of my cock, and down to my balls, taking them into his mouth and bathing them in its warmth. His warm oral cavity enveloped them both, I could feel them moving in the sac. He gave another long lick, this time up my shaft to the head, then took me down his throat again, grabbing my wet balls with his hand as he did. While his left hand massaged my balls, his right worked up and down my saliva-moved shaft following the up and down movements of his mouth.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I was on the bed propped up on my elbows with Zach between my legs working the orgasm out of me. After several minutes he had me on the brink of shooting my hot load down his throat, then he stopped. He took a quick break to come up and kiss me. We made out for a minute or two all the while he was slowly stroking my engorged cock. The he worked my nipples some more on his way back down to take my cock back in into his throat. Soon he worked me up into a frenzy again and had me on the brink. This time he didn’t stop. I shot my three-day load deep down his throat, I could hear him gulping and feel his throat contracting as he swallowed. I was groaning and moving my head from side-to-side as I emptied my balls into him. When we were done, he licked my cock clean, stood up, leaned over, and kissed me. Then he said, “You earned that, you worked hard this week.” He took his right hand and touched our rings together before he turned and walked out the door and said, “It’s good to be back.” I laid there with a smile of contentment, huffing and puffing as my cock softened. Finally, I took one deep breath, exhaled, then got up and changed into my sweats and went in the lounge to hang with my suitemates until it was time to go to bed. They had no clue Zack just gave me an incredible blowjob.

We sat in the lounge comparing our new class schedules and trying to figure out where we all needed to be the next day. I had at least one class with each of my suitemates… two with Zach. We had stats and logic together. Both courses were supposed to be tough, I was happy to have a study buddy.

Eventually Gina burst into the room yelling “I’m back boys! You can stop missing me now.” Teddy jumped up and gave her a hug kiss, then she told us all about her break. She was still filling us in when she stopped midsentence and screeched in a high-pitched voice “OH MY GOD YOU GUYS GOT ENGAGE!” She was looking at our rings as we sat on the couch,

“No, no, no, no NO!” Zach said as Teddy and Eric took notice of the rings. Zach did his best to explain the rings, but Gina kept looking at me. I know she was thinking there was more to it than we were letting on. There wasn’t. Zach finally convinced her that we weren’t hiding some secret engagement from her.

It was almost 11:00 when we all went to bed. Gina’s roommate was back, Eric and Max were fighting, so that meant we all slept in our own beds that night. No spooning with Zach. Dammit!

The next day we started our second semester, it was so different from the start of last semester. I was comfortable on campus, found my classrooms easily, and knew a lot of people in my classes. I even had one class with Sean, and we sat together. His whole demeanor had changed since we saw him at the country club on Christmas Eve, I found the guy very likeable when he wasn’t being a competitive prick.

I think the main difference from the first semester is that I didn’t feel lost anymore. I liked all my classes. I was busy with school and work and didn’t get to see much of Cam that week, but we talked and texted a lot. He had another week before he started school and was excited to start. He was getting to know the city and getting comfortable in his new place. He had met a few of his neighbors and couldn’t wait to make friends at school. On Friday night Zach picked him up before coming to get me and Eric from work. Eric and Cam were bonding in the backseat of the little VW, getting to know each together. We went back to the dorms so Eric and I could change, then we all walked over to the burger place for dinner. The place was packed, luckily Gina and Teddy went early and got us a table. We had all just sat down when Max joined us and took the empty seat between Eric and Cam. He and Eric had made up for the most part, but he was still a little pissed at Eric for hooking up with his ex-girlfriend over the break.

He turned to greet Cam as I introduced the two. I saw it instantly. Their eyes locked and there was a definite spark between them.

To be continued…