Losing My Religion

We woke up on Sunday morning after another night of sitting around the bonfire talking, drinking, laughing, and enjoying the break from our studies and the cold. We all dressed up and got out of our causal wear long enough to go to church together. The seven of us (yes, we talked Gina and Teddy into joining us) sat with Mauricio and Darren, it felt good to be home. The readings and sermon were all about family that day, and I got lost in my own thoughts again. I’d been thinking a lot about my family lately, even though they were incredibly awesome, something was missing. After spending more time with the Hall’s, I found myself longing for a relationship with my parents. As the preacher closed the service, I snapped back to reality. As always, we spent a little time mingling with the other parishioners in the fellowship hall, and afterwards we met everyone at Jordy’s for breakfast.

When we walked in, we were greeted by pretty much my entire village. They were such an incredible group of people, and so much fun to be around. I looked around the huge table and watched my new friends blending in perfectly with the people who had supported and loved me for the last three plus years. They were all such interesting people, all so different, but the one thing they had in common was acceptance. They weren’t judgmental, instead they rallied around people and embraced their differences. That was a value they instilled in me when they brought me into the fold.

I always loved the banter among them all, and to have all my friends join in seamlessly put a humongous smile on my face. I looked over the table and saw Max sitting between his two boyfriends, he was moving food between the three plates. He was giving Cam all the bacon, filling Eric’s place with sausage and pulling most of the pancakes onto his own plate. He was making sure each of them got more of what that wanted, that was really intriguing to me for some reason. They really did look out for each other. I also noticed Mauricio watching the trio intently, I’m sure he was onto them… he was very perceptive.

Zach was leading the conversation with a recap of our four-wheeling expedition and had half the tables attention, especially Max and Eric.

“Damn, I wish we woulda’ gone” Eric said.

“Let’s go back out” Eli said with his mouth full of breakfast “The weather’s perfect!” he said as if the weather in Phoenix ever changed. I used to think the meteorologists on TV in Phoenix had the easiest job in the world. All they had to do is repeat “Today will be hot and sunny” over and over again.

Eric looked over at Cam hoping for approval to go, it was obvious he and Max stayed behind because of him.

“Hey Cam, if those guys go four-wheeling you wanna stay back and do a Fat Boy Pool Day?” I asked my best friend.

He got a hug smile on his face and his eyes went wide and he started nodding “Hell yeah, I’m in!”

“What’s that?” Max asked.

“Ugh” Scotty said. “It’s when these two lame asses sit around the pool all day and eat us out of house and home.” Fat Boy Pool Day is something me and Cam invented a long time ago when one of us was going through a rough patch, or we just wanted to spend some time together. We would just sit around the pool, blast music we both loved, talk loudly, eat freaking anything we could find, and generally be obnoxious and drive my brothers crazy. It was our thing.

“I’m in!” Cam yelled back in excitement as he chomped on his bacon.

“Can I go four-wheeling with you guys?” Zach asked Eli, sensing I Cam and I could use some alone time. Eli nodded and the four of them made plans to take the Jeep out to the desert after breakfast as me and Cam started talking about the junk food we needed to stock up on for Fat Boy Pool Day. Meanwhile, Brian, Olivia, Teddy, and Gina were making plans to head to a ghost town and do touristy stuff. The two couples were getting along great, it occurred to me then that Gina and Teddy didn’t have any straight couple friends back home, they just hung out with a bunch of gay guys all the time. They were loving having a couple more like them. I totally understood that and was surprised I hadn’t realized it earlier.

After breakfast we said our goodbyes to the village and headed out. After a quick trip home to change for the day, we broke off and went our separate ways. Zach kissed me goodbye as he piled into the Jeep with Eli at the wheel and Max and Eric strapped into the backseat. The two straight couples loaded into Brian’s old Subaru and headed out to be tourists, Brad and Scotty went over to Kev and Randy’s to hang out leaving me and Cam alone in the house. I went into the kitchen with Cam and started raiding the refrigerator. We got our first course of junk food together and headed out to the pool. I blasted one of Scotty’s 90’s playlists over the speakers and our first Fat Boy Pool Day in almost a year was off to an awesome start.

We caught up on everything. Even though we lived in the same city and worked at the same place. Cam started at my Starbuck’s about a month ago. He and Eric worked together a lot, but I had been picking up different shifts because of my classes. We hadn’t seen much over each other over the past few weeks. Our conversation eventually turned to his newly revealed relationship. Damn, he beamed when he talked about those guys.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Cam?” I asked, trying to make sure he really was good with everything. “I mean, I love all three of you and I don’t want to see anyone get hurt… especially you.”

Cam looked at me with an undeniable happiness in his eyes and said, “Seth, I’m, REALLY happy.” He took a gulp from his Coke bottle, put it back on the little table and laid back in his lounger. “Last semester was the worst time of my life. I was lonely, depressed, I hated life and I hated myself” he said with his sunglasses on as he looked up and bathed his cute face in the desert sun, “but now I’m confident, I love Milwaukee, I’m closer to you, and I have two guys… TWO of them, who want to be with me,” he was smiling as he continued to speak. “They’re both so damn fun and hot, Seth. We have so much fun together and it feels good to have two people watching out for me.”

“THREE” I said reminding him that I had his back.

“Three” he said confirming my statement. “I feel loved again, and it’s a fan-fucking-tastic feeling.” I listened to him trying to identify any clues that he might be lying… there were none. Cam was being sincere. “I know a throuple freaks people out, but it’s working for us. It may not last forever, but for now it’s awesome.”

“What about Adam?” I asked.

“Well,” Cam said hesitantly, “I had to choose, and He was a longshot anyway. He brought me out of my funk and we’re still friends, but that’s all.” He paused to take another gulp of his Coke. “I told him about the three of us, and he was good with it, turned-on by it even, he kind of hinted that he’d be up for a foursome. Of course, Eric’s all over that idea” he giggled a little at his own statement. “He’s actually dating someone else now, but we settled into a friendship and still talk all the time.” Cam went on to tell me everything, he was even talking to his shrink about his relationship. The guy didn’t judge, he just listened to Cam, made Cam think through the different possible scenarios, and raised some possible red flags. Cam was very aware of what he had gotten himself into. He truly seemed happy. It was my job to support him.

After about an hour Brad and Scotty came home and joined us by the pool. We made small talk at first, then Scotty asked, “So what are your plans for the summer?” He was talking to both of us. We just kind of mumbled stuff, neither one of us really thought about it. We were both planning to come home and could always go back to Starbuck’s. “Listen, I have a proposition for you guys, and your friends” Scotty said. Then he told us about The Resort’s plan to promote at Pride events throughout the summer “we’ve been doing this for three years and usually hire local ground crews to work the different Pride events. We spend an hour or so teaching them the basics, then let them loose to get attention and send guys back to our booth where me and Chip, our PR guy do the main work and close the sale. But his year we’re planning on doing more events, in addition to the big Pride events we plan of doing a lot of smaller one all over the country” Scotty continued. “We have multiple events almost every weekend. So, we decided to hire some young, hot college guys that we can train to really know our product and run some of the events. You and your friends would be perfect” Scotty explained. “You’d be traveling a lot, on us. We’d put you up in hotels, pay your flight or rent you a vehicle depending on where you’re going, and give you a per diem allowance to cover your expenses. We’d also pay you for your time to train and per event.” Scotty stopped and looked at us for a reaction.

“That sounds awesome” I said. Then we talked about job responsibilities, dates, pay, and asked a million questions.

“I want to take all of you out to dinner at The Resort before you leave and give you the details.” Scotty said. “But, considering the fact that you’d be representing a gay resort, you need to be male and we people who have experienced the resort… so preferably into men, although the last part isn’t necessary, but most straight guys would be uncomfortable.” We both looked at him with scrunched up faces, wordlessly asking ‘WTF does that have to do with us?’ “Teddy and Gina!” Scotty said. “We want to make the offer to you guys, Max, Zach, and Eric, but I feel bad excluding Teddy and Gina. I’d like them to come to dinner, but I also don’t want to hurt their feelings by leaving them out.” I thought that was thoughtful of him. I said I’d talk to them ahead of time and didn’t see an issue. Cam and I were excited about the offer. This way we could be home for the summer, make some cash, and still see our friends… well boyfriends, I guess.

After our conversation ended, I went into the kitchen and bumped into Brad. We ended up sitting at the counter and talking. After we talked about school, his job, the summer job offer, and everything going on with the family I blurted out “Do you ever miss Mother and Father?”

Brad turned to look at me as I sat next to him, thought for a minute, then said “No. But I DO miss Mom and Dad, the two people I knew when I was younger, before that fucking church came along, and he turned into “Father.” That guy… I do NOT miss.” I looked at him with an odd look on my face. I understood what he was telling me, but in all honesty, I only ever knew Father and Mother. The loving, caring parents who enjoyed their kids were long gone by the time I could remember anything. Brad and my sisters told me about how they used to be before the church, but I had never experienced that, yet I still yearned for a mother and father.

“I think I want to see him” I said, watching his face for a reaction. I had seen my mother a few times since we moved out and talked with her regularly on the phone. But the only contact I’ve had with my father was the call I made from the Hall’s house at Christmas.

He threw me a fake smile and said, “If that’s what you want.”

“That’s it?” I asked. “No words of wisdom? No advice? No trying to talk me out of it?”

Brad laughed a little “You’re a grown man, Seth. It’s you’re decision. I don’t care if I ever see that fucker again, but I understand how you feel.”

“Ever since I started dating Zach and watching him with his family, I’ve been envious of what they have” I explained to my older brother. “I love all you guys and am forever grateful for the life you gave me, but I want a mom and dad too. I guess I want it all.”

Brad looked me square in the eyes letting me know he understood and cared, “I felt the exact same way when I met Mom and Pop Nicholl’s. Scotty’s family seemed so perfect to me and at first, I felt empty inside, like I was cheated.”

“YES!” I almost yelled. He hit the nail squarely on the head! He completely understood how I felt. “The Hall’s took me in, I should feel grateful, and I do but I also feel like I got screwed over. I get jealous of Zach.”

Brad smiled and nodded, “I totally felt the same way. It took me a little while, but eventually I stopped looking at it like that and accepted the fact that Mon and Pop Nicholls were my parents now. It was weird at first, but how many people who get tossed aside by their parents get a second chance like that.” He paused then said, “look, I’ve always been a straight shooter with you. When you came out to mother, I tried to warn you that you wouldn’t get the reaction you were looking for. I think if you’re looking to reconcile, have a happy reunion, and walk away with a dad and mom like the Hall’s, or Mom and Pop Nicholls, you’re setting yourself up for a letdown. Is that what you want from this?” He asked.

I had to think about it for a minute, but yeah. That’s what I wanted, a mom and dad like Zach had. “I… I guess so. I mean, yeah. I want a mom and dad, Brad. I want a fucking dad that shows up at my graduation in stands there with a video camera because he is so fucking proud of his son. I want parents that come visit and jump in the pool with us and goof around because they love spending time with us. I want real parents.” I said in a voice that gradually got louder and angrier.

Brad shook his head “I love you, Seth. But you’re not going to get that from them. They’re going to break your heart again, buddy.” He paused again, thought for a moment, and then continued. “If I were to go see them, my goal would be closure on that horrible part of my life when Father drugged and kidnapped me in hopes of turning me into a straight son he could tolerate. THAT might be possible, I don’t know. But if you decide to go see them, it’s because you think you’re going to turn them into perfect parents. THAT, I don’t think is possible. You need to adjust your expectations.” My face dropped a little and I looked down at my knees. I knew he was right; I just didn’t want to believe it.

Brad and I were turned facing each other, He put his hand under my chin, lifted my face, looked me in the eye and said, “For what it’s worth you have a crapload of brothers, sisters, and friends that love you just because you’re an awesome human being and love being around you. We all have tons of videos of you goofing off, we were all at your graduation filming and cheering, and we’ll all be at your college graduation doing the same thing, making sure everyone knows you’re our brother because we’re so damn proud of you.”

I smiled through my sadness “I know, Brad. And I am so, so, SO lucky and grateful to have you all, especially you and Scotty. You literally saved my life. Is it wrong of me to want more?” I asked.

He smiled back at me “No, you’re human. You want a decent mother and father. You deserve that, and dammit… if I could give it to you I would, but you just might have to live with the fact that it’s not in the cards.” The look on his face was pitiful, my brother loved me and wanted me to have everything, but this was one the thing he couldn’t give me, and it broke his heart. I felt so incredibly loved at that moment. We both leaned in and hugged each other. He was right, but it didn’t change my mind. I still wanted to see my parents.

After a few minutes of hugging, we went out and joined Scotty and Cam by the pool to continue our Fat Boy Pool Party, I brought more junk food with me. The four of us were having fun, just like old times when my phone rang. It was Eli. ‘Eli? What the hell is he calling me for, he never calls’ me I thought to myself. The music was blaring in the background, I answered in a loud voice “Hey, what’s up?”

“Um Seth” Eli said tentatively. “Everything’s okay, but Zach got hurt.”

“Wait, what?” I said into the phone as I motioned to Scotty to turn down the music. “What happened? Where are you?” The others all looked at me listening to my conversation trying to figure out what was going on.

“It was my fault, it was all my fault” Eli said “I told him to get out and look, then I accidentally hit the gas before he was out and the Jeep jump and threw him out and… I’m sorry Seth, I…” Eli was getting emotional. Max grabbed the phone.

“Hey Seth. Everyone’s okay. It was an accident. The Jeep got stuck, Eli was trying to get us out of a rut, and he told Zach to get out and try to push. Before Zach was completely out of the Jeep, it lurched forward, knocked him out onto the ground while his arm was still stuck in the seatbelt. He got dragged him like ten feet on the gravel. He dislocated his right shoulder and has some bad road rash in his left leg. He’s going to be fine. We’re at the hospital, they’re bandaging him up and they’re going to release him shortly.” Max was calm and succinct as he gave me the facts.

“Which hospital? I’m coming now!” I said.

“No. Just stay home” Max said in a commanding voice. “We’re almost done here. We’ll bring him back shortly.” Then he handed the phone back to Eli. Thanks to Max, I was upset, but not too worried.

Eli was shaken, I felt for the guy. “Seth, I didn’t mean to do it. He’s gonna be okay. I promise.” He said.

“It’s okay Eli. Are you sure I shouldn’t come down?”

“No. stay there, he’s coming down the hall now. We’ll be back in a few” Eli said.

“Okay, Take care of him and bring him home” I said.

Before I hung up Eli yelled “Wait, wait!”

Then I heard Zach’s voice “I’m fine Seth, just a little banged up, no big deal. Plus, I got some good drugs, if you’re nice I’ll share. I’ll be there in a few. I love you.”

“I love you too. God, I hope you’re okay” I said.

“I’m seriously fine” he said “love you” then hung up.

When I got off the phone, I filled everyone else in on what was going on. I was surprisingly calm, thanks to Max. he made me feel like everything was under control. I said something to Cam about that and he just smiled and said “That’s Max.” For the next half hour or so we all just sat there and waited until we finally heard them pull up, I ran out to the driveway just as Eli was helping Zach out of the front seat of the Jeep. He looked fine from a distance, but as I got closer, I saw the sling on his arm and the bandages on his leg.

Before I could say anything, Zach said in a loud, Zach-like voice “I’m okay bitches!” trying to downplay it all and make me laugh before I could cry, and the painkillers were helping him a little bit too. Eli was apologizing and trying to explain what happened to Brad. Meanwhile Eric and Max retold the story to Cam while Scotty, and I helped Zach into the family room. Once the chaos calmed down again, we got the full story. It happened pretty much as Max told me on the phone. Zach’s injuries weren’t too bad, the Dr. said his road rash should be healed without scars in about two weeks with proper wound care. His shoulder would take a little bit longer, but he should be able to resume most activities within 2 weeks but should avoid heavy lifting and sports for a couple of months. “He said I should be 100% by soccer season” Zach said.

“Oh shit, I fucked up your scholarship!” Eli said. The poor guy felt awful about the whole thing.

“Shut up, I’m fine” Zach said trying to ease my brother’s guilt. Zach went to punch his shoulder playfully but winced in pain. That didn’t make Eli feel any better. The Dr. had sent wound care instructions and a couple of prescriptions for Zach. Cam and the guys ran to the Pharmacy to get everything we needed while the rest of us tried to make Zach feel comfortable. On top of the road rash there were a few cactus spines still stuck in his skin from being dragged. Those things hurt like hell! They tweezed most of them out at the hospital, but there were still some stragglers left behind. I did my best to get them out. All in all, Zach was okay. I was proud of him for being so positive and doing his best to relieve Eli of any guilt. And dammit… I was proud of myself for not flipping out. We were handling it like adults. It was just a minor glitch.

Later that evening we all went to Kev and Randy’s for the usual Sunday night cookout. Brian, Olivia, Teddy, and Gina met us there after their adventure. Everyone was flocking around Zach, and he was loving the attention. He told the story a million times and it got better every time. At least Zach would go home with a good story. I noticed that he never once blamed Eli for anything and was doing his best to make Eli the hero of the story. He was a genuinely good guy.

Matty was especially intrigued by Zach’s sling and bandages and sat by his side all night petting him. It was cute as hell. We had a great Sunday dinner despite Zach’s injuries.

When we got home, I helped Zach undress, He laid on the bed naked and I massaged ointment into his wounds as per the instructions from the doctor. The road rash was nasty up close, and I was able to see and remove more cactus spines with some tweezers. Once I was done treating his injuries and we found a comfortable position for him to sleep, I did my best to ease his tension. I started by lightly running my fingers up and down his body, doing my best to avoid the tender spots. I started with the soles of his feet using my fingertips. I moved up the inside of his good leg, when I got to his thigh, I lightly touched his ball sac as I passed by moving up to his abs. Using both my hands on his upper body, I played with is nipples. He let out a low, guttural moan at my touch.

His warm manhood was growing slowly in response to my efforts. After I moved up and down his beautiful, battered body several times I reintroduced my warm mouth to his now rigid cock and took him deep down my throat. God, I loved the feel, texture, taste, and most of all the scent of him. That night he smelled like Zach-must infused with the unique smell of the desert. It was fucking intoxicated. I inhaled as deeply as I could, and it drove me wild. I started working his cock with my throat muscles, my tongue, and my hand. I was twirling my tongue around his shaft as I moved my mouth and hand up and down, up, and down, taking him as deep as I could and doing my best not to gag on his massive cock. Zach was moaning and writhing has he pushed my head down with his good arm.

Before long he was pumping his hips up and pushing my head down trying to face fuck me as hard and deep as he could. With just his moans to warn me he pushed my head down as hard as he could and raised his hips high holding his cock deep down my throat and unloaded his balls into my gullet. Spurt after hot spurt shot into me as his hand held my head there forcing me to take it. I fucking loved it! After I swallowed his load, I cleaned up his cock with my tongue. Then I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and got into bed with Zach. I was careful not to bump his shoulder as I kissed him good night.

Zach was still asleep when I woke up at about 7AM. The coffee was already brewing, and Scotty, Eli, and Brad were dressed for work when I walked into the kitchen “How’s Zach?” They asked in unison.

“He’s good, still sleeping. I think the pain killers knocked him out” I said.

Eli was in his overalls and headed out the door already, he had a 7:30 appointment “If he doesn’t recover before soccer season, I’ll never forgive myself.”

I smiled and said “Shit you did him a favor. He loves the attention and he’s going home with a good story. Quit beating yourself up.” Eli smiled at that, then walked out the door.

“You guys should probably just take it easy the rest of the trip” Brad suggested. I just nodded. Right about then Gina entered the kitchen in a long night shirt.

“Good morning” she said in a sing-songy voice as I handed her a mug and she walked toward the coffee pot to fill it.

“Good morning sunshine” chimed Scotty. He and Brad like Gina a lot. They were convinced she kept an eye on all of us boys. “So, what’s your plan for the day?”

“I’m happy just lounging by the pool reading a book” she said.

“We want to take you all to dinner tonight at The Resort tonight” Scotty said. “

“Oh my god that sounds awesome” Gina said. “I know I can’t go into the resort part, but I’m dying to try the restaurant.”

“Good, we’ll see you guys about 6:00 then” Brad said as the two of them headed out the door and drove off.

When they were gone, Gina and I took our coffee and sat out by the pool. I told her about Scotty’s job offer and his plan to talk to the other guys about it at dinner. She thought it was awesome and totally understood what they were looking for. “Teddy and I both have jobs lined up back home, I promise it won’t be awkward” she said. “Put on some tunes!” she said. I grabbed my phone and picked a playlist I knew she’d like. We sat out in the sun and talked. Gina and I were great friends, but we rarely got time alone lately. There was always a boyfriend or a suitemate around. This was nice. It was a good hour before Zach and Teddy got up. By then I was sore from laughing so hard. Cam and the guys came over about 10:00 and we just hung by the pool until it was time for dinner.

Brad came home from work to change and wrangle us all for dinner at The Resort. Scotty stayed at The Resort and the rest of us met him there. We walked through the restaurant and through a back door that led into the executive offices. Scotty and Matty (the original Matty, not the baby) were in a beautiful office talking when we got there. They were excited to see us all, and Matty was checking out his new recruits. After a quick hello we all went down to the restaurant. Matty joined us.

They sat us at a big round table with an incredible view of the desert mountains as the sun set. Scotty pointed out Kev and Randy’s house. The beauty of that place always amazed me. Once we ordered, Matty and Scotty got right to the point. They explained their plan and then offered the five of us jobs. They handed each of us a written offer outlining the program, the schedule, the pay, and the benefits. If we accepted, they would fly us all to Phoenix and put us up at The Resort for training starting a week after final exams, then the first events started the following weekend. The guys were all excited, I had already decided to do it. I could work my Starbuck’s schedule around the Pride events and between the two jobs make a good chunk of change. After the pitch, we all just enjoyed a fantastic dinner. After dinner we went back home and lit another bonfire.

The rest of our Spring Break was low key because of Zach’s injuries. We spent a lot of time by the pool just soaking up the sun and having fun together. It was perfect.

The week went quickly, and all too soon we were back on campus and buried in our studies once again. All five of us took The Resort up on their offer and were looking forward to a fun summer.

To be continued…