Losing My Religion

Seth’s story

After dinner with Cam, we drove back to the house. We talked about happened at The Resort and hashed out what we liked and what we didn’t. I loved it all, EXCEPT having strangers shoot their loads on me, that was a little more than I was ready for. Zach loved it all too (including the guys shooting on me), EXCEPT when the guy tried to grab my cock. He didn’t want to watch another guy touch me, he said it made him jealous. It was really an interesting conversation as we explored each other’s turn-ons and limits. Our drive home went fast as we discussed our adventure and out feelings. When we got home, the driveway was full of cars and there were a few parked the street.

“What the hell’s going on?” Zach asked with excitement in his eyes.

“I see Brian’s car and Eli’s car, but I don’t recognize the other ones, Brad and Scotty are probably parked in the garage” I answered. “It’s probably friends of Brian’s from school using the pool.”

“So, like an impromptu party?!!” Zach asked excitedly. We parked on the street and walked up to the house, the music was blaring… and it wasn’t the usual 80’s/90’s stuff. It was Doja Cat.

“Gina LOVES Doja Cat” I said to Zach, he just laughed. Weird, that was the first time I thought about Gina and my friends this trip, I’d been so preoccupied with my family. Suddenly I really missed them all. “I miss Gina, and Max, and Eric… and even Teddy” I said.

Zach moved faster towards the party “We’ll see em’ all tomorrow. It’s our last night here, come on let’s party” he said as he entered the house. When we got inside there was a full-on party. Brian and Eli and a bunch of their friends were in the pool. Including Dane, Cam’s brother. Brian’s girlfriend Olivia was in the kitchen.

“Oh my god, SETH!!!!!” Olivia yelled when I entered the room, then ran over to hug me. “God, I missed you!” Olivia started dating Brian about a year ago and came to the house a lot to hang by the pool, we became close. Zach went through the house and right out to the pool by Brian, Eli, and their friends while I caught up with her. As usual, he made friends with everyone out there, and within minutes he was stripped down to his underwear and in the pool with a bunch of Brian’s hot ASU friends.

After I caught up with Olivia and grabbed a beer, I headed out to the pool and saw Scotty and Brad sitting in lounge chairs having a cocktail as they watched the guys playing volleyball in the pool. “Hey Buddy” Scotty said to me, “pull up a chair.” I pulled up a lounge chair and they made room between them. “So?” asked Scotty. “Was it worth taking a stand for Mr. ‘I’m 18 I can just buy a day pass anyway?’” He and Brad were staring at me awaiting my reply.

“We had a great time. Thanks for setting us up with passes.” I said, sipped my beer, leaned back in the chair, and went silent.

“That’s all we get?” Asked Brad. “You’re not even gonna tell us if Cam had fun?” He had a grin on his face as he said it, I knew I was busted.

“How did you know about Cam.” I asked.

“Shit, Seth” Scotty said. “I spend about sixty hours a week at that place, I know fucking everything. Now tell us about your day so I don’t have to ask around.” They both laughed knowingly as I turned red.

“Fine. Cam met us there. It was… it was… I don’t know, an experience. Okay, it was hot. So may hot guys.” I said not wanting to tell them but wanting to tell them at the same time.

“Did anybody give you trouble?” Brad wanted to know.

“No, some guys tried to… um... engage us. But Zach told them no and they were fine.”

“Good. Was it weird having Cam there with Zach?” Scotty asked.

“Um… we mostly hung by the pool, and Cam was in the steam room” I said. The two of them exchanged glances, they knew what kind of things went on in the steam room.

“Well, as long as you were all safe and smart. But I swear, Seth… if Anne and Danny find out, this is all on you guys. We don’t know anything about it! GOT IT?” Scotty was serious. I know he didn’t want Cam to go, but we brought him anyway.

“Well, I’m glad you finally got that out of your system.” Brad said.

“Are you kidding me?!” I said loudly. “If I come home for the summer, I’m getting a membership.” They both let out a sigh as they looked at each other with a look that said, ‘we’ll deal with that problem later.’ They continued to interrogate me about our trip to The Resort and I continued to avoid their questions looking towards the pool and watching Zach play volleyball in the water with Brian, Eli, and their friends. Fuck he was hot.

I zoned out for a few minutes staring at my hot boyfriend when Cam came around the corner. He was walking fast, his face was red, and he was looking down. He moved past everyone in the pool, including Dane yelling his name, and came right up to me “Hi, can we talk in private” He said in a ragged voice, I could tell he’d been crying.

“Are you okay, Cam?” Brad asked, it was obvious he wasn’t.

“Yeah, um, yeah I’m fine” Cam said trying to hold it together “Seth, can we go somewhere?” Sensing something was wrong, Brad and Scotty stood-up to help him, they were obviously concerned, but Cam waved them off, grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall to my bedroom. When we were alone, he looked at me and said “They’re gonna make me stay for the whole FUCKING YEAR!” He screamed the last two words in a maniacal voice then added, ‘FUCK MY LIFE!” There was little doubt that the entire house heard him.

“Calm down, Cam” I said. “What’s wrong?”

“I talked to my parents when I got home, and they just shot me down. No discussion. They said they talked about it and think their original decision that I finish out the year is the right plan.” Then he started to sob, he continued to talk through his tears “they made decisions for me and about me without listening to a fucking thing I said. They ignored me completely. Like I wasn’t even fucking there.” He paused as his sobs took over his voice “I’m a goddamn adult and it’s my fucking life. I’m leaving at the end of the semester, and I don’t give a fuck what they say.” He was starting to rant and swear as he paced around the room. Suddenly the door opened, it was Dane. He saw his brother rush through the yard and probably heard him yell.

“Hey guys” He said as he peaked into my room. Then he looked at Cam “What’s wrong, Cam?” he asked with genuine concern for his little brother.

“They’re fucking making me go back and stay for another semester” Cam said. “I swear, Dane. I’ll fucking kill myself!” Those words sent chills through me, Dane looked right into my eyes looking for anything, I could tell he had the same reaction I had. Cam didn’t say shit like that, and he didn’t make idol threats. He was scaring me… he was scaring us.

“Don’t fucking talk like that, Cam.” Dane said. “I know you hate it, but it’s not that bad…”

Cam cut him off “THE FUCK IT ISN’T! NO ONE IS LISTENING!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, his voice carrying throughout the house. His face was bright red, his fists were clenched, his eyes were bulging, and he was shaking uncontrollably. “I can’t fucking go back” he said quietly, “I WON’T GO BACK” he yelled. I didn’t know what to do, I looked at Dane, it was clear he had never seen his brother like this either, I saw fear in his eyes. He was as worried about Cam as I was.

“CALM THE FUCK DOWN!” Dane yelled back trying to snap him out of it. It worked. Cam seemed to calm down a little, unclenching his fists and he seemed to settle down a bit. “We’ll talk to them together; I’ll make them listen. Just breathe little brother and quit talking crazy.” Dane walked up to his brother and held him tight. It was a combination of a bear hug and a restraint hold. I could tell Dane was shook by Cam’s outburst and was doing his best to make his brother feel safe and heard.

By now all the yelling had brought Scotty and Brad to my room. Cam took some deep breaths to calm the sobbing and he sat down on the foot of my bed. We all stood around looking on in empathy, trying to reassure him, Scotty ran to the kitchen to grab him a bottle of water. No one spoke for a while, we all just waited for him to get his composure back.

“Cam,” Brad said softly “Tell us as calmly as you can the biggest problems and we’ll see what we can solve together. You’re not alone.” Over the past couple of years Brad and Scotty had become experts at calming emotional teenagers down and helping them work through their problems. They both had incredible powers of empathy. When you talked to them, and looked in their eyes, you believed they understood you and felt what your pain.

Cam took a gulp of the water and said, “The worst part is my roommate” He paused “I went to my room last week to pack for my trip. That’s the first time I had been there in over a month. I’ve been sleeping on my friend Sarah’s floor.”

Brad sat on the bed next to Cam “Why?” he said calmly as he turned to face Cam with an empathetic smile. “Has he hurt you?” That sentence surprised me. I hadn’t even thought about that. I knew Cam hated the guy, I knew he thought he was mean, but abuse? That hadn’t crossed my mind. Cam didn’t answer. His silence was deafening. “Cam?” Brad said softly.

“Not really. Not yet.” He said weakly, but I could see his fear was genuine. “He constantly has friends over, like all night… past lights out.” He said taking another gulp of water. “I had a huge midterm exam and needed my sleep one night. I was pulling down the blankets about to get into my bed and asked him… very politely… if they could go somewhere else so I could get some sleep.” He stopped. the room was silent. “Then...” he stopped again, continuing after a few seconds. “Then he said, ‘fuck you faggot, it’s my room and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want’ and his buddies all laughed at me. Then one of them came over and pushed my back up against the wall and held his face inches from mine, it was his buddy, Dave. I could feel and smell his breath. He was about six inches taller than me and looked down at me. Then he hocked up his spit and let it dangle from his mouth, like he was gonna spit on my face. Neither of us said anything, we just stood like that for a long time, me trembling and his friends laughing at me. Then the guy sucked his spit back in, slammed me against the wall with his right hand on my chest and just held me there for a minute. Then he said, ‘know your place faggot.’” He paused; Brad was going to say something when Cam started up again. “I crawled into my bed under the covers and fell asleep, scared shitless to do anything else. These guys were big and drunk and there were four of them. I was asleep for like an hour when My roommate, Barry, woke me upholding an empty beer bottle in his hand and said “don’t you EVER fucking embarrass me in front of my friends again faggot or I will shove this bottle so deep up in your ass that they’ll have to do surgery to get it out. That is if I don’t decide to smash it first and cut up your little faggot face with it instead. This is MY fucking room not yours.” We were all silent, the fear in my friends’ eyes was painful as fuck, I hurt for him.

Brad started to speak, but Dane cut him off “I’m going back with you, and I’m gonna kill that mother fucker.” His voice was calm, confident, and resolved.

“Dane.” Brad said putting his had up to hold the raging big brother off. “Have you told anyone? Did you report it to the RA or tell your parents?

Cam breathed out a laugh “HA! The RA is Barry’s best friend; he was one of the other guys. He just sat there and acted like nothing was going on.”

“Dammit, Cam. Why didn’t you tell mom and dad about all this?!” Dane said, and he was pissed! If Cam’s roommate was within driving distance, I believe he would have gotten his ass kicked that night. Dane loved his brother and it hurt to see him like this, but his words just made Cam feel bad about how he had handled it.

“Because I’m 18 fucking years old and being bullied like a little child. It’s fucking humiliating! And I was afraid they’d try to fix it and make me stay. Barry is just the biggest problem, not the only one. I’m not cut out for a four-year college. They think if I just stay for a year that’ll change. It won’t. I want to go to trade school and be an X-ray technician, I made up my mind. I’m dropping out at the end of the semester and going to trade school.” Cam said with a tiny bit of confidence and no tears.

“C’mon” Dane said grabbing his brother’s hand. “We’re going home to talk to mom and dad, then I’m fucking going to Chicago with you tomorrow” Dane said taking control. “Get your plan together and get ready to sell it to mom and dad, you’re done at the end of the semester.” There was a look of relief on Cam’s face, ha finally had an advocate. It was far from over, but someone heard him. FINALLY. Scotty and Brad offered to come but Dane was resolved to help his brother and make his parents listen. Cam and I promised to see each other before we left and hugged goodbye.

After he left, I just stood there for a minute with Brad and Scotty looking at me awaiting some kind of reaction. I just lunged at the two of them and threw an arm around each of their necks. “Thank you guys for always listening to me and hearing what I have to say.”

Brad laughed “yeah, like you’d let us ignore you. Ya’ little shithead” I laughed at that. He was right, I was pretty vocal. After a moment of appreciation for my unconventional guardians we went and joined the others by the pool. By now they were all out of the water and lounging around. I went over to Zach who was laying on a lounge chair with a sweatshirt on. He pulled his feet up to make room for me on the edge of his chair and looked at me expecting me to say something. I just subtly shook my head ‘no’. I didn’t want to discuss Cam’s personal business in front of everyone, Zach got the hint.

We hung out with my brother’s friends for a couple of more hours and had a good time just laughing and talking, but I couldn’t get Cam out of my mind. Conversations were going on all around me, but I was zoned out. I couldn’t shake his words “I swear, Dane. I’ll fucking kill myself!” He was serious too. I know my friend and that wasn’t just an emotional outburst, he had thought about it, I just knew it. I had seen the many of faces of Cam this weekend and most of them scared the hell out of me. He needed help. Even if he got out of that situation, he needed to seek professional help, he was pretty messed up.

“I’m up for it, but Seth will probably want to go to church first” Zach said looking at me. I had missed the entire conversation.

“What?” I said in a daze.

“They all wanna go to breakfast in the morning, I said you’d probably want to go to church.” Zach said as he summed up the conversation I missed.

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. We can meet you guys there at like 10:30 if that’s cool.” I said with a weak smile on my face. Soon after that everyone started to pack up and leave, we headed to my room.

“So, what’s going on?” Zach asked once we were in private. I told him what happened. “Poor guy. Do you think Dane can convince his parents?”

“I hope so. He’s pretty fucked up.” I responded as I stripped down and got into bed. We were pretty wiped out from the day’s events, Zach laid behind me and fell asleep almost instantly as he held me tight. My brain was on overload, I couldn’t sleep, Cam’s words were haunting me. After about two hours I got up and went into my closet, reached into my inside pocket of my blue suit where I kept a pack of cigarettes. They were old and stale, but I didn’t care. I went out and sat by the pool wrapped in a hoodie and dipped my naked feet in the warm water as I lit a cigarette. “Goddammit, Cam” I said to myself quietly as I took a drag from the old cigarette. I was angry that he had kept this all to himself and I felt like an awful friend for not being there for him, but at the same time… HE shut ME out, not the other way around. I also started to have pangs of guilt for being happy. I LOVED school! I liked my classes, I like my job, I had awesome friends, I had Zach, and I felt free to be myself. Meanwhile Cam hated school and was dealing with Assholes. I was deep in thought as I took another drag and looked up. I saw something move in the corner of the yard. Just then Cam leaped over the fence and scared the living shit out of me!! “What the hell, Cam?!” I said in a loud whisper.

“Sorry, I was gonna knock on your window” He said, then pointed to the pack of old cigarettes and said “Gimme one of those.” He kicked off his shoes, sat next to me with his feet in the water and took a drag and coughed from the old tobacco. “These are awful.”

“Yup. SO? What happened?” I asked.

Cam smiled “They said if I come up with a plan in the next week, I and finish out the semester with good grades, I can leave at the end of the semester.” He took a drag, then looked down as he exhaled.

I wanted to scream as I hugged him but didn’t what to wake the house. So just said “YAY!” in a loud whisper.

“I sent a meeting request to the head of campus housing already” Cam said. “I’ve decided to lodge a formal complaint.”

“How do you feel about that?” I asked knowing that if he reported his roommate, he’d also have to report the RA and it would probably get brutal.

“Good.” He said, sounding like himself again as we leaned back on our hands and quietly kicked our feet in the water. “I only have to go to my room one more time to pack up my shit. Mom and dad already booked me an Air B&B off campus for the rest of the semester, so I don’t have to sleep on Sarah’s floor.”

“That’s awesome” I responded, genuinely happy for him. “Is Dane really gonna go back with you?”

Cam laughed, “No. You know Dane, he’s a big talker, my dad talked him out of it. But…” he said with his head down. “Dane told them I threatened to kill myself. That scared the shit out of them, and they made me agree to see a counselor when I get back. The campus has a resource center.”

“I think that’s a good idea” I said. “You seem like you again.”

Then he leaned over and hugged me whispering “Thanks to you and Dane listening to me.” Then he kissed me. On the lips. With his mouth open. Trying to push his tongue in. He moved his hand to the back of my head and pulled me into him.

I pulled back, my eyes widened “Cam, what the fuck?!” I said in shock.

Just then a voice behind me quietly said “yeah, Cam. what the fuck?” It was Zach. SHIT! He was in just his boxers, and he sat next to me putting his feet in the water.

“Zach, I didn’t….” I started to say.

“I know, I saw the what happened.” Zach said calmly as he fixed his gaze on Cam. “Cam?” is all he said. Cam stammered in complete embarrassment and started to get up to leave. “Sit down, Cam” Zach said. “It’s okay, I know you’re dealing with a lot of emotions right now. It’s okay.” I couldn’t believe Zach. He was so calm, so understanding. If I caught his ex kissing him, I would’ve beat the crap outta them both. “So, what happened with your parents?” He completely ignored what he saw between us and focused on his concern for my friend. He trusted me. God he was fucking amazing. Cam told him everything, he was nervous at first, but soon realized that Zach wasn’t going to make a big deal of the kiss.

The three of us smoked old cigarettes and talked quietly for about an hour trying not to wake anyone up. Then Cam got up to leave, he was still embarrassed about the kiss, and I think he was half-expecting Zach to turn on him. He stammered out an apology, Zach stopped him. “Cam, we’re all friends. You got caught up in emotion. Right?” Zach said giving him an out. Cam nodded. “I know you guys are just friends, and it was a stupid mistake. You’re Seth’s best friend, and I plan on being around a long time and don’t want things to be awkward between us.” Damn, Zach was an incredible guy. “Just forget about the kiss. I already have.”

Cam smiled, and hugged him goodbye, and said “thank you, Zach. You’re a good guy.” Then he jumped back over the fence and left.

“Are you really cool with it?” I said.

“Fuck yeah. I saw everything, you didn’t kiss him, hie kissed you. The guy is pretty fucked up at the moment. The last thing he needs is to feel awkward around his best friend.” Zach said. “Remember when we first met, and we went to that party with Gina?” He asked. I nodded. “Remember how I got into your bed and said I thought it was mine?” he asked with a twinge of embarrassment in his voice.

I just snickered a little bit and said “yeah, that was a smooth move.”

He gave me a little smile as he continued “I was so fucked up at the time. The pressure of dealing with my own sexuality, The fear of being outed and maybe disowned, my conflicting feelings for you, my worry about not fitting in or being accepted by the others in the dorm… it all fucked up my judgment so badly. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me I wasn’t alone. You did that for me. Cam was out of his head tonight and needed the same. That’s all it was.” WOW! Was all I could think. Zach saw past my history with Cam, ignored any jealous thoughts, and was able to look at Cam with empathy and compassion. Damn, I loved this guy.

As we stood there in the moonlight, I put my forehead against his and said, “You are so fucking amazing.” Then I kissed him, I could feel the smile on his lips. The kiss was going to be a quick peck, but it turned into something more as my tongue found its way into his mouth and his tongue pushed its way into mine. We started to make out under the desert sky, out in the open.

My hands roamed his perfect body, snaked their way under the waistband of his boxers, and landed on his ass. I kneaded and squeezed his white mounds of flesh creating low, guttural moans that escaped from Zach’s mouth and found their way into mine. Zach reached down and grabbed my manhood; it went from flaccid to fully erect in just a few seconds. It was like Zach could flip a switch in me that triggered my hardon. Before I knew it, we were lost in lust, out in the backyard with Brad, Scotty, and Eli all asleep in the house. At any moment any of them could look out their bedroom window and see us. I didn’t fucking care. I wanted this guy. RIGHT THERE! I pulled back from our kiss, pulled off my sweatshirt and stepped out of my underwear, then pulled Zach’s boxers to his ankles.

“Seth, are you fucking nuts?!” Zach whispered with a grin of disbelief. “Your family is right there” he said pointing towards the bedroom windows just a few feet away. I put my fingers to my lips signaling him to be quiet. Zach kicked his boxers away and we quietly stepped down into the pool, making out and exploring each other’s bodies. “Oh my god” Zach whispered, “I can’t believe we’re doing this.” When we got into the water, I immediately tried to insert a finger in his tight pucker. He was sewn up tight and not about to let me in.

“Push out, baby, let me in” I whispered. Zach pushed out and I pushed in, it was tight as fuck, but I was able to move in up to my first knuckle. We kissed some more, and I pushed in further, my middle finger now up his ass completely. Meanwhile, the palm of Zach’s hand cupped my cold, tight balls as he tried to finger my tight pucker with his middle finger.

“fuuuuck Seth” Zach muttered in a guttural, primal voice that sent vibrations through me. We were freezing from the waist up, over heated from the waist down, and completely impassioned from head to toe. I was fucking lot in this. “Dude, I can’t do this here” Zach said. Let’s got to your room. We got out of the water and dried ourselves off with my sweatshirt, it was all we had. We creeped naked through the house and down the hall to my room. Zach locked the door behind us, and I pushed him onto the bed.

“I can’t believe you blew me in front of all those people” I whispered to Zach as I took his cock in my mouth and looked into his eyes. I pulled off him for a second “You were the hottest one there, and all eyes were on you.”

“All eyes were on us” He whispered back as he pushed my head down. “You are so fucking hot!” he said as I took him deep down my throat, then took him out of my mouth, licked my way down his shaft and took both of his still cold balls into my mouth, warming them up. I inserted my finger again, this time his hole was a little more open and I pushed in to the hilt. He gasped and writhed, I started probing around until I found the spot that made him whimper then I worked it with my finger, twisting and turning as I moved it in and out, wiggling it for more stimulation. I looked up at his face. He was in pure bliss.

I flipped around, mounted his face, and put my cock right at his full lips pushing lightly. He willingly opened to take me down. We were in a sixty-nine with me on top. I shoved my cock down his throat making him gag, then pulled back. He reached up, grabbed my ass, and pulled me in deep again. I took his cock all the way down, massaging it with my throat. I playfully bit the base, and he smacked my ass (if my brothers were awake, they heard it). As we deep throated each other, I put my finger back up his ass and probed again, trying to massage his prostate. He moaned around my cock sending pleasure waves through me and encouraging me to get him off. Without any warning he flooded my mouth with his essence. I swallowed in response hoping to get every drop, but he kept shooting, spurt after spurt was too much! It seeped out of my mouth, down his balls and onto the sheets. I pumped his mouth harder, face fucking him. I was about to cum bit I couldn’t warn him because my mouth was overflowing with his cock and his cum. Zach took it. He fucking took it all. Every drop. He pulled my ass tight, bringing me in deep so my load went right into him. We were both sucking, slurping, and swallowing furiously. Lot in the moment.

When we were done, we stayed in position as he cleaned each other’s cocks. Then I moved up the bed next to him and we kissed, sharing our loads. After a few minutes we said our I love yous (Which had become so easy and natural) and I fell asleep in his strong arms. It had to be about 2AM.

When we awoke to the alarm, we were both still exhausted. It was a long day, and a long night. We kissed good morning and wordlessly got into the shower where we lathered-up each other’s familiar bodies. We got dressed for church, packed our bags for our later flight back to Milwaukee, then went into the kitchen for coffee. Eli was still in bed; Brad was with Scotty out on the patio with their morning brew. “Good morning, guys” Scotty said, “Going to church?”

“Yup, then breakfast at Jordy’s” I said

“We’ll see you guys there. So… what was going on out here last night?” Brad asked. It was not an accusatory question, but, borne more out of curiosity. “I woke up to pee at about 1AM and saw the two of you out here with Cam… smoking” He emphasized the word ‘smoking’ and looked at me with a scowl. Over the years I’ve gotten ma y lectures about my tendency to smoke when I drink or get anxious.

“I couldn’t sleep, then Cam came over to tell me how things went with his parents” I said, then filled them in on what Cam told us.

“That poor kid, I’m glad Dane intervened” Scotty said. “I hope Danny can sort it all out with the school, and Cam can find a better situation.” Zach went into the kitchen to get us some coffee, and the four of us talked for a few more minutes.

Zach thanked them for their hospitality and then surprised me “More than your hospitality, I want to thank you for changing my life” he said to them. “I have always felt that the world was not built for guys like me. I ALWAYS felt like the odd man out. I saw so many different things this weekend… gay men with babies! A gay couple who has been together 70 freaking years! A bunch of people who support each other without judgment!” Zach’s voice started to crack. “Thank you for welcoming me into your world.”

“Fuck” Scotty said as he got out of his chair and walked over to Zach. “That statement calls for a fucking hug, brother.” Brad followed suit and my two guardians sandwiched my boyfriend in a welcoming hug.

To be continued…

Author's note: The next few chapters may come a little slower than usual. Please be patient with me.