The ride to school was pretty much the same as it always was, me and Jake just chatting shit and joking around with each other. The only thing that was really different was that I couldn't stop thinking about what Dad had said to me about how he would love to have Jake as a son-in-law. I don't know why that statement struck me the way it did. Maybe it was the fact that even though Dad knew I was gay I never really knew how he felt about it. Sure, he said he accepted it and he never treated me differently after he knew, but we never really talked about it either. To hear him say that he would be happy to have a guy as a son-in-law, with the clear implication that I was going to marry a man and not a woman, it gave me the confirmation that everything would be fine with my parents when I did eventually find a guy who wanted to be with me.
That thought led me to thinking about Tyler. He wanted me. At least he wanted to fuck me. My dick started to harden a little in my pants as I thought about his words from the bathroom again and how his cock had been throbbing as he talked about fucking me. I still thought Tyler was a total asshole and there was no way in hell he would ever become my boyfriend or anything more, but a part of me, and it's probably obvious which part, wanted to walk up to him, take his hand, drag him to the bathroom to one of the stalls and just say the words he'd told me he wanted and needed to hear... "Fuck me".
I was brought out of my thoughts when Jake slapped my thigh, his hand landing so close to my now rigid dick that I almost came from thinking about him touching it. He had noticed that I had gone quiet and wanted to know what I was thinking about.
"Nothing, what were you saying?" I replied.
"Fuck, Ev, you're hard," Jake gasped. "What the fuck were you thinking about? Actually, no, who were you thinking about?"
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as we continued to drive and Jake's eyes kept darting from the road to my eyes and then down to the bulge in my pants before going back to the road.
"No one," I said in barely a whisper.
"Don't give me that fucking shit, Ev, we're best friends. We've shared nearly everything about our lives with each other. If you've got the hots for someone, and I know you have since it's been obvious for a few days now, you can tell me."
Could I really? How could I tell Jake that the guy he hated more than any other in school was the guy I was thinking about having sex with? How would I explain that it wasn't even emotional because I didn't want to date Tyler or take him to bed with me? I didn't want to sleep next to him, holding him all night like I had wanted to with Jake so many times. I just wanted Tyler to fuck me, to pound my ass and give me what I'd been craving from Jake for almost two years. I couldn't tell him. He'd think I was insane.
"It's no one you know," I said, turning away from Jake as much as I could.
"Bullshit!" Jake spat. "If it was someone I didn't know you'd be blabbing about how great he is, how hot he is, how you think his dick will taste."
"I've never talked about how I think a dick will taste," I protested.
Jake laughed then and it made me laugh too. "I know, I said that to get a reaction. It always works."
I shook my head, looked down at the bulge in my pants and without thinking said, "Yeah, you always get a reaction out of me."
"Wait," Jake said, putting his foot down hard on the brakes so the car jerked and came to an abrupt stop as he pulled up at the side of the road. "Is that because of me?"
"I... It's..." What the fuck could I say? It wasn't about him this time but it had been so many times before. Fuck! I could feel my face flushing and I had to turn away.
"Shit, Ev," Jake breathed in little more than a whisper. "You're hard because of me? Does that mean..."
I looked around frantically, wanting to focus on anything that wasn't Jake's amazing eyes.
"Ev?" Jake pressed.
"Please don't, Jake..."
"Ev... Are you in..."
"Stop!" I screamed. My heart was pounding so hard and I felt like I was going to throw up.
Before I really knew what I was doing I jumped out of the car and took off, sprinting as fast as I could. I didn't stop until I was inside the school gates and I didn't look back to see if Jake was following me. I hadn't heard him calling my name so I knew he wasn't and that only made my heart sink lower. Why didn't he follow me?
When I stopped I was behind the science building facing the empty field. There was no one else there so I pressed my back against the wall and threw my head back with a sigh. I wanted to scream. Why did I run? Why didn't I stay and face Jake and whatever he had to say?
It was those words. He was going to say the one thing I could never take back, the one thing that could change our relationship forever. He was going to ask if I was in love with him.
I felt my heart racing even harder than it had from the run and I thought I was going to either have a panic attack or pass out. If had he asked if I was attracted to him or if I thought he was hot I could have laughed it off and said of course, that it's not a big deal. But love is a big deal. The biggest of all deals. And if I said yes, if I told him I was in love with him our friendship would never be the same.
I was lost in my thoughts, hoping the world would just swallow me up so I didn't have to see Jake later to deal with what had happened, when I felt a warm breeze on my face. I opened my eyes and nearly jumped to see Tyler standing in front of me with his lips pursed as he blew softly onto me. My stomach tightened and I felt really nervous.
"What are you doing?" Tyler asked, his voice soft and curious.
"Nothing," I answered a little too quickly.
Tyler laughed a deep, sexy chuckle, "You're cute when you're nervous."
"What?" I asked. I had to have heard him wrong. This was Tyler, the guy who had only ever been an ass to me.
"You heard me," Tyler smiled. "You're cute. You're hot too. I can't stop thinking about you. When I saw you naked in the showers... I wanna fuck you so bad."
I shivered hearing him speaking like that. I wondered if he was saying that because he thought it was the quickest way to get me to say yes to him but there was such lust in his voice that it was totally seductive. He was so close too, looking straight into my eyes.
"Tyler... Please, not today."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"It's nothing. What do you want?"
"I saw you run over here. I wanted to check that you're okay. You don't look it."
"I'm fine," I replied. "Like you'd give a shit anyway."
"What?" he asked.
"What the fuck is this? You've been nothing but an asshole to me and now suddenly you're all nice? I don't buy it."
"You will," he said. "Are you looking forward to tomorrow?"
"Your birthday. I know you're having a party."
"You're not invited," I said, quicker and harsher than intended.
Again Tyler laughed. "I know I'm not. Besides, I want a private party with you. Just the two of us."
"Look, Tyler, if these are just games you're playing you really have to stop," I said, quickly looking around to make sure no one was watching but we were completely alone.
"They're not games, Evan. What is it going to take for you to realize how hot you are?"
"Yes, you are. You're one of the sexiest guys I've ever seen and you don't even know it. I think that makes you even hotter. You don't parade around in your jock in the locker room or play ball without your shirt, you always keep yourself covered up but you've got a great body. I can't tell you how much I wanna rip your clothes off and lick every inch of you before I fuck you."
I was stunned by what Tyler was saying, especially since the tone of his voice told me he was serious. He placed his hand on my hip and slowly moved it up under my shirt so his fingers were gently rubbing my abs. I shivered and felt my dick jerk from the touch.
"Tyler..." I moaned.
"What?" he said, leaning in close and sliding his hand a little higher.
"Are you... are you gay?"
"No," he said with such conviction I knew he was telling the truth. He pulled his hand out from under my shirt and took a step back. "I don't put labels on things. I don't buy into the whole exclusively straight or gay stuff. I like both. If I think a girl is hot I'll fuck her. And if I think a guy is hot with a cute ass like yours, yeah, I'll try to fuck him too."
"So that's what's you're after? A fuck?" I asked.
"Were you wanting more?" Tyler replied with his eyebrow raised.
"I... I don't know what I want. I'm so fucking confused right now."
"Take your time. I can wait. I will tell you this though, when I do fuck you it won't be like those bitches I just fuck to get off. I'm gonna make love to you. I'm gonna make you cum so hard you'll think you're about to pass out."
"Say it, Evan..."
"Say what?" I asked, looking straight into Tyler's amazing eyes.
He leaned in so his words were no louder than a whisper in my ear. "Say you want me."
"I... I... I can't."
"Okay. Like I said, I'll wait. You will say the words. We both know it. There's only one thing stopping you."
I lowered my head and broke eye contact. "What?" I breathed.
"Jake. Get over him. Or get under him. It doesn't matter. If he doesn't love you now he's never going to. Let him go. He doesn't deserve you."
"And you do?"
"Maybe not, but I want you. Can you say the same about him?"
I closed my eyes and felt like there might be tears rising in them. My jaw was quivering when I shook my head, no.
"There you go, you know the answer. Now look at me."
I opened my eyes again and stared up into Tyler's blazing eyes. He was so close I could feel his panting breath on my cheek. He inched slowly closer until our lips were almost touching. A hair on his lip touched one on mine and I shivered. We were so close and yet miles apart. I wanted to close the distance, to lean into the kiss, but my body was frozen and Tyler didn't move. After a few more moments he pulled away but stayed close enough that his words were still just a whisper in my ear.
"I'm not going to kiss you. Not like this. I need you to kiss me first. I need to know you want it. I'm giving you three days. On Monday I'm going to come to you and I'm gonna put my lips back where they just were. I want you to close the gap. I want you to kiss me. Then we'll move from there."
With that Tyler stepped back, leaving me panting against the wall. My dick was so hard in my pants it almost hurt and I realized he was right. As much as I disliked him personally I wanted him physically. I wanted him so bad I would have let him fuck me up against the wall right there and then. But then I thought of Jake and what I felt for him. I thought about what might happen with him and my dick slowly began to deflate.
"See you on Monday. Oh and have a Happy Birthday tomorrow." Tyler turned and began to walk away.
What the fuck?! What the hell is going on? Is he serious or just fucking with me? I just... I can't... Fuck!
I sank back against the wall more confused than I had ever been. Before when Tyler had been kind of threatening it at least made sense, but to hear him talking so normally, so nicely, about me, it shook me up. Did he really want me as much as he said he did or was he just messing with my head? Was that the real Tyler coming out from behind all the bravado and bullshit or was he just playing me to get in my pants so he could brag to whoever he wanted to tell?
I didn't have any more time to think about things because the bell rang and I had to hurry off to class. I was thankful I didn't have Jake or Tyler in my classes that morning or I don't know what I would have done. I didn't want to speak to either of them because I was afraid of what I might say or what might happen. I had been dangerously close to telling Jake that I loved him and I had been almost as close to telling Tyler to fuck me.
I buried myself in my work, trying to take my mind off the two hottest guys in the school. I was pretty successful and actually managed to get most of the notes down, answering a number of questions along the way.
When it was time for lunch I didn't know what to do. I was hungry but I still wasn't ready to face Jake. I knew he'd probably be waiting in the cafeteria with Emily, or at least that's where he normally was. I had no idea how he had reacted to what was nearly said this morning but I was fearful of what it might mean so I decided staying away was the best option.
I headed out of the school building and walked out of the gates, heading down a few streets until I came to a coffee shop that I had been to a few times with Emily in study periods. They served some nice warm sandwiches so I bought one and sat down at a table in the window.
For a while I enjoyed the silence, but then I started thinking again and I wanted to scream. That's when my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Emily asking where I was. I sent a quick text back saying I'd gone for a walk and when I'd heard nothing back after three minutes I assumed she was done so I slipped the phone into my pocket and ordered a fruit smootie. It was just as the waitress put the drink down in front of me that my phone buzzed again. This time it was Jake.
"I hope that walk is a warm up for later when I pin your ass to the mat. You need all the help you can get."
I couldn't stop the smile that rose to my face. That was Jake. He was just like he'd been so many times before. I let out a long breath and felt so many emotions running through me from relief and elation to a sense of fear because he knew now for certain that I had feelings for him.
I finished my lunch and walked slowly back to school. Just as I got through the gates I saw Tyler and some of his buddies over on a patch of grass tossing around a football. He looked so damn good and his muscles popped as he caught and then threw the ball. As they were playing, a soccer ball rolled along the ground toward them with a younger kid running after it. He couldn't get to it in time and after a few passes between the jocks it ended up at Tyler's feet. Tyler took one look at the kid and kicked the ball in the opposite direction as hard as he could so it disappeared into the distance. When the kid made a pained face Tyler just laughed and pushed the kid over onto his ass, laughing with all his buddies as they went back to their game. I shook my head in disgust. I thought maybe after how he'd acted with me earlier he was actually a nice guy but seeing him then made me think it was all just a ploy to get into my pants so he could fuck me and brag about it to the jocks and then rub it in Jake's face.
I headed inside after watching the kid start the long walk to retrieve his ball. Even after the text I got from Jake I was kind of worried about bumping into him because I had no idea what to say. I went straight to my locker to get the books I needed for my afternoon classes when a hand slammed against the locker next to mine, making me jump. It was Emily.
"Where the hell have you been?" She asked.
"I went out for lunch," I replied, not telling a lie.
I smiled, "I just..."
"Should have asked... I would have come with you. I hate that crappy cafeteria food. What did you have?"
"A hot wrap and a fruit smoothie," I said.
"Damn," she sighed, "I could have done with a bit of hot meat inside me."
I grinned, "Been too long already?"
"Nearly two weeks," she said. "I'm so horny I'd even hump you."
"Yeah, one problem with that," I said.
"No, you're hideous."
I laughed and she punched me on the arm. "Nice to see you're smiling. I heard about what happened."
"Of course with Jake. Why? Did something else happen?"
"No," I said a little too bluntly.
Emily stared at me for a moment. "Did you really get hard in his car and then almost admit that you're in love with him?"
I looked around quickly, worried that someone would overhear us but it seemed like we were in the clear. I turned to look her in the eye but her gaze was too piercing and I felt like she was staring right into my soul. I just nodded.
"Fuck, Ev," she chuckled. "And you just ran?"
"I didn't know what to do. I was terrified of what he'd say. And you know running is my defence mechanism."
"I do, which is why we still need to talk about the other day when you ran home instead of waiting for Jake."
"That was nothing."
"If you say so... But you do know what needs to happen now, don't you?"
"Yes," I nodded.
"Talk to Jake. I don't mean just have a chat with him, I mean have a serious one-on-one talk about how you feel. Tell him everything."
"Are you insane? I can't tell him everything."
"Has he ever turned his back on you before, Ev? Look, he's known you've liked him for a while. I think he thought it was just physically and that's where it would end, but we all know that's bullshit. You love him. You need to tell him. Just be prepared for him to tell you that he doesn't love you back in the way you want him to."
"I know," I said quietly. "That's why I never said anything before. It was always easier just thinking nothing would ever happen rather than having to actually hear him say the words."
"I know, but he does still love you, it's maybe just more like a brother, and you know he'd never abandon his family."
"I know," I smiled.
"Good. So go to class and to his tonight, wrestle his hot ass and rub your hands all over his body. Get close enough you can smell him."
"Em!" I exclaimed. "Don't, or I'll..."
Emily laughed, "See, you're just as horny as I am. Maybe we'll both get lucky this weekend."
With a wink she headed off down the hallway and I stood for a moment in a daydream, thinking about wrestling Jake for the first time since he knew for certain that I had feelings for him. It was only when the bell rang that I came back to reality and went to my next class.
The final two classes raced by and it was only when I was walking out to the parking lot that I realized where I was going. I was heading to meet Jake at his car for the first time I saw him since he almost asked me that question. I didn't know where any conversation we had would go but I couldn't hide from it. Emily was right. We needed to talk, if for nothing else but to clear the air. I took a deep breath, swallowed and walked out to see Jake standing at his car with the door open, ready to hop in when I was in the passenger seat.
"Hey Ev, good day?" Jake asked, smiling when he saw me.
"Not bad," I said.
Jake chuckled since that was always my response. I never said yes or no and it was technically the truth, my day wasn't bad, it just wasn't exactly good for the most part.
"You ready to get your ass whooped?" He asked.
"Bring it," I smiled. "You think you're such a hot jock."
"Yeah, so do you," he quipped.
We both fell silent and we just stared at each other. I had never felt so awkward in my life. Did he really just say I thought he was hot too? Or had he meant that I had an ego because I thought I could beat him?
After what seemed like the longest time we broke eye contact and he turned his head away. My hand was trembling as I reached for the handle on the door.
"Emily said you had a smootie at lunch," Jake said.
"Yeah, I did," I replied, pulling the door open.
"You know that shit's not good for you. You'd be better off eating the lasagne in the cafeteria. And that shit tastes like it's made with old bed sheets instead of pasta."
"I guess you're just gonna have to work me extra hard then, to burn off all those calories," I smiled.
"Oh don't worry, I'm gonna make you work up a real sweat."
Our eyes suddenly met over the roof of the car and again we fell silent. Why did everything seem to have a different, dirtier meaning since what had happened that morning?
"Aww, look at the boyfriends staring at each other. I bet they're going home to fuck now, don't you boys?"
We were pulled from wherever it was we'd gone in our heads when we heard Tyler's voice and the laughing of his buddies as they slowly drove past us in Tyler's SUV.
I turned to look at Tyler. He had a huge grin on his handsome face as he looked back at the guys in the other seats but as soon as his eyes met mine the smile dropped and he looked almost apologetic. What the fuck was going on with him? I didn't exactly expect him to change after what he'd said but to still be making fun of me and Jake while he was also trying to talk me into sleeping with him made me question his true motives even more. Was he honestly interested in me but wanted to keep it from his football buddies? Or was he really just trying to fuck me so he could use it to bait Jake into something? Until I knew for sure I would never give in and I would never say the words he wanted me to.
Jake had tensed hearing the words and I could see the anger building up inside him. He looked like he was going to walk up to Tyler's car so he could punch him through the open window.
"Get in the car, Jake," I said.
He turned his head to look at me and nodded, taking one more look at Tyler before he climbed into the car. I did the same, still trying to figure out what was going through Tyler's mind, but what I got was a slight smile before Tyler mouthed the word "Monday" and took off, his tyres screeching as he sped out of the parking lot.
I slid into my seat beside Jake and closed the door. It felt strange to be sitting back in the car with him, in the same seats as that morning but I didn't have time to think about it before Jake said, "I fucking hate that guy."
"I know, but he's gone," I said.
"He'll never be gone, not until we leave here. I can't fucking wait, Ev."
"You'll meet dicks like Tyler at college too," I said.
"I know, but they probably won't be so in your face about it. I wanna punch him so hard. I don't care if my fist breaks as long as his jaw does."
The venom in Jake's voice scared me a little. I don't think I'd ever heard him talk like that. He really hated Tyler. What would he do if I did let Tyler fuck me and he found out? Tyler was right. Even if Jake didn't love me that way Tyler is the last person he'd want in my bed. Was that really what Tyler wanted, to get that reaction out of Jake? Was that all I really was to him.
"I'm sorry, Evan," Jake said, with his hands clenched tightly on the wheel.
"What for?" I asked.
"For what's about to happen."
"What do you mean?"
"Tyler's got me so fucking worked up I think I'm going to have to take it out on you. Do you think you can handle that?"
"You're still talking wrestling, right?" I asked, suddenly nervous.
Jake actually chuckled, breaking the air of tension. "Yes, I mean wrestling. I might be a little rough tonight."
"I'm sure I can take it." Fuck, again with what sounded like a double meaning.
Jake laughed again and started the car. He slapped his big hand down on my thigh and then drove off, taking us out of the parking lot and towards his house. I just hoped I could keep my cock in check when we were on the mats in his basement and our hands were all over each other when we wrestled. For Jake it was all professional, a true training session, I couldn't always say the same for myself.
To Be Continued...