I must change for Kirk

YOU HAVE TO KISS HIM

Freedom can move your life and it can be seen even in the hardest conditions, together with love and friendship, happiness and beauty. Have a look at the life of eight beggars who live together at: luces-delatierra.blogspot.com or in English at: lightsoftheearth.blogspot.com

I saw Kirk coming back home full of bruises. My brother Kirk Morris, at 22, was still in a vocational school studying to be a mechanic. He and I have been living alone for ten years cause soon both our parents passed away. I’d always felt a great affection for my brother; was, I hope, his best friend. Since childhood we had shared everything and even today we still played together. I’d never hurt him, even though I usually hurt people for I have been for six years a skinhead.

I’m Desmond Morris, only one year older than Kirk. My last job was as a waiter, but now I’m unemployed and possibly I am ruining my life, being with those guys and always thinking about the many people we call scum, especially faggots, that’s something which I can’t really suffer. It’s not natural boys having sex with boys. It strongly disgusts me and we had beaten and humiliated some faggots.

Now I asked Kirk of course what had happened to him. He looked into my eyes unsure of my reaction and finally spoke.

-I’d better tell you nothing, Desmond, you’re a skinhead and you won’t understand me.

-Come on, Kirk, you can tell me anything. I’m your friend, aren’t I? I’ll never be angry at you.

-Well, at least I can tell you that it has been your friend Robert that has beaten me.

-I have three friends called Robert. Who do you mean?

-Robert Astwell –he was also a skinhead in our gang. We were twelve.

-He’s beaten you? Why?

-What if I told you now I belong to one of the social groups you hate? For that very reason I’m sure you will beat me too if I tell you.

-What if I solemnly promise you first that whatever it is, I won’t beat you?

-You’ll beat me, but well, I cannot have this secret any longer so if I have to be beaten twice the same day, I will. And I will also lose your affection. Well –he was very nervous but finally told me why and his words took me aback-, Robert has beaten me because I told him that I love him.

-Oh, my God –all my opinions underwent a brusque transformation then. I realized then how I loved my brother. The only thing that mattered is I was seeing him full of bruises, crying his eyes out and believing his own brother would be mad at him. I couldn’t, I simply couldn’t get mad at Kirk, that was something as impossible as watching the sun going from west to east. Yeah, I must change for Kirk. He really needs me now-, then you’re gay?

-I’m a faggot.

-You can be sure I will never use the word faggot for you. I understand now that you didn’t want to tell me but I promise you I will always respect everything you are. Come here and hug me, Kirk.

Totally shattered and with a lot of tears in his eyes, he came to me and embraced me fondly, knowing at least I wouldn’t despise him.

-Maybe one close day, I will also respect the other gay boys, but you can be sure I like you just as you are, and you can always tell your brother anything affecting your feelings.

It was lunchtime. Kirk was learning to cook but so far he couldn’t and it was me that made lunch. As we were eating our pomfret, I had to increase my affection and respect for him.

-So Kirk, I love you whatever you are. Now you can tell me what you have never dared tell me. Can I ask you some questions?

-You can.

I asked him when he had discovered he was gay. He told me that for two years he had thought he was bisexual and at 15 he reached the conclusion that he didn’t like girls after all and all he liked was boys. Shortly after I had become a skinhead and he didn’t want to tell me anything. Then I asked him how long it was that he had discovered his love for Robert. He told me it had been just three months ago. He knew perfectly well that Robert would never understand him but he had suffered such stress that this morning he finally told him. My brother knew Robert only due to his frequent visits to our house but this morning he’d casually met him in a park and Kirk had told him there, just where Robert had beaten him later.

-I had appointed to meet Robert and two more friends this afternoon to swim by the lake. I will speak to him. He must make amends with you.

-Please, Desmond; don’t be stupid. Robert will never understand me. I thank you that you wanna talk to him, but it’s impossible. Anyway, Desmond, thanks for your respect.

-I will just try to take some common sense into his stupid head. Don’t fear me, Kirk.

And lunch already finished, I kissed my brother’s cheek and left him.

I was soon by the river, and Robert was already there. First he told me.

-Lucy and Melvyn couldn’t come after all, so it will be only you and I, shall we swim? –he was looking at me with some fears that I knew what he had done and I wouldn’t like it.

-Let’s swim –I told him apparently calm, with the only desire that Robert couldn’t guess what my real intentions were. Just then, before he could reach the shore, I viciously grabbed him and putting my arms around his shoulders, I started to have him immobilized. I would not easily release him-. You scum, my brother has just told me that you’ve beaten him.

I wasn’t choking him, I was just trapping him so he couldn’t easily move or disentangle himself from my arms.

-I’m sorry; Desmond, but we hate faggots, don’t we?

-You hate faggots. I’m not sure now whom I hate, but the only person I care about now is Kirk Morris. He’s told me he’s gay, so you can call him gay, cause that’s a fact, but first thing you must do is stop calling him faggot.

-Ok, your brother’s a good boy at heart. It’s just that I was mad cause he told me he’s gay and loves me. Please, Desmond, don’t hurt me. Set me free. I’ve already admitted your brother’s a good boy.

-That’s only the first thing I wanted you to say. Don’t you ever call him faggot again. You know I’m stronger than you and I could have you pinned down again. At least you can see that I’m not beating you and I won’t unless one day you make me really angry.

-What else do you want?

-Now I need a commitment on your part. Two things you will tell me you will do or else I would have you like this for hours.

-What do you want?

-You will tell me that if I set you free, you’ll accompany me now to my house and will make amends with Kirk. You will tell him you’re sorry.

‑Ok, I will. Your brother’s a good boy. I promise I will apologize.

-And just one more thing, even if you don’t like it after all. But remember he loves you. I won’t ask you to have sex with him, but you have to kiss him.

-You mean kiss his mouth?

-That’s what I mean.

-Desmond, you know very well what I think, don’t ask me that, please. I will make amends with him and apologize and even invite him to a drink later so we could talk, but not kissing a boy, please.

-It’s no big deal, Robert. I suppose you have kissed many girls and it will be something similar. I’ve never kissed a boy but if a kiss would mean becoming reconciled with someone I’ve hurt, I would kiss him, I would. You not only have beaten Kirk today; you’ve also hurt my brother’s feelings. You have to kiss him. Unless you tell me you will, I’ll spend the whole afternoon like this.

-Ok, Desmond, I promise you. I won’t like kissing a boy but I will take it as if I was gonna be given an injection: I’ll kiss him. Is it enough?

-I will let go of you and now you’ll come to my house. Don’t play any tricks with me anymore.

-I won’t, I will make amends with Kirk, and mostly with you, I hope. Just don’t tell the others what I will do, please.

During the road home I told Robert that my brother’s feeling were more important than any other consideration. And that’s why I had wanted to change and I was changing, not sure I hated anybody now and I would surely leave the gang sooner or later. He told me he had to think now but maybe he’d wasted too much time hating people and told me again Kirk was a good boy and at least he was glad he was coming with me so he could apologize. At least he desired that.

We soon reached home and Kirk was still there. He was surprised when he saw me entering with Robert, but the latter started to talk to him.

-Kirk, I’m really sorry for having beaten you. Just hope one day you can forgive me. I would like you to hug me strongly. It will be my sign that after now you’ll have my respect.

Kirk went to him then and his eyes were rivers when they embraced affectionately as two good buddies.

-Do now what I have asked you to do, Robert –I told him then.

Robert knew what I had asked him to do but Kirk knew nothing and he almost collapsed when unexpectedly he felt in his lips the lips of the boy he loved.

-A bit longer, Robert –I urged him when I saw him getting surprisingly hard-. As fondly as if he were your boyfriend.

They kept on kissing and I saw that Robert had suddenly creamed his pants.

-You can stop now.

I told him that he could leave now. Blushing he just said now he had to think about what he’d just done but he would always be Kirk’s friend and hugged him again. Then he embraced me too and left.

When I was alone with Kirk, my brother told me.

-Oh, I could never expect you would come back with Robert, he would apologize and not only that: he would also kiss me. I guess you have convinced him to all that.

-I have Kirk –and then I took a good while telling him all that had happened by the river. And about right now, I told Kirk something else.

-I told him to keep on kissing you when I saw he was getting hard and later I don’t know whether you’ve seen him but he’s creamed his pants. He’s loved kissing you.

-Oh, Desmond, he’s a skinhead. Not sure he could accept having cum for having kissed a boy. He might hate me.

-He’s shown you his respect, Kirk. He will have to think now about his own reactions but he’s assured you his friendship and I don’t think he will repent about it. Let’s have dinner now.

And we sat and ate just something quick, two hamburgers I think. But I saw Kirk’s eyes were still blushing as he told me he had so much to thank me for today.

-I see in your eyes there’s something else you haven’t told me, Kirk. Please have no more secrets with me. I will never get angry at you.

-Ok, Desmond, I’ll tell you. My other problem is I also lust for you.

I was moved and hugged him first. Then repeated his brother would never be mad at him.

-When I discovered I was gay, I instantly saw what a sexy brother I had. And you were a perfect person before you joined the skinheads. Of course I’ve never wanked over you. You’re my brother and it wouldn’t be correct.

-You still think, Kirk, there are things that can separate us. But that’s not possible and I’ll show you now. You’ve been kissed by a boy tonight. But you will be kissed twice.

And quickly I approached my lips to my brother’s and merged with him in a long fraternal kiss, telling him.

-Let’s keep on kissing. I like it and this is my blessing. You’re changing me today and it is a wonderful sensation, believe me. You will always have not only a brother but the best friend you can have, Kirk. And I will kiss you more times. Now please keep on opening your heart to me.