I Said Yes

As I dressed for dinner, one that I was certain would create even more uncertainty for me, I kicked myself in the ass for, once again, giving in. I had spent so much time, over the past several years, learning Michael, his ways, his charm, his mood swings, and his moves…and I just didn’t understand why I was falling for it all again. Michael was a good man…a man that knew what he wanted and always went for it. I shouldn’t have been surprised he was back in my life…forcing me to twist and turn in the wind. I had settled my world and my life without him and here it was, all crazy and chaotic, once again, with him in the center. I often wondered if he knew what he was doing, if it was a clear-cut plan, on his part, to upset the balance…if he had some constant ulterior motive to get what he wanted. None of it was sinister, by any stretch, but, like a victim drawn to a vampire’s stare, I seemed powerless to avoid being drawn back into his world of love, lust and crazy. Slipping on my pants, buttoning my shirt and putting on socks, I could hear him whistling in the bathroom. It was like a normal Norman Rockwell scene…well a gay Norman Rockwell scene…us together, having just had amazing sex…dressing for dinner like it was just going to be another night on the town…the anticipation of a fun evening together…the stare I gave when he walked out of the bathroom…in all his hotness…signature white CK boxer briefs…his chest…that bit of belly starting to show…his smile…dimples…and, oh those piercing eyes. I could easily get hard with him just standing there. He bounced around the room like he was getting ready for a homecoming dance or his senior prom…all happy and singing his favorite pearl jam song…well…attempting to sing it as he was practically tone deaf in my opinion…except when he did Karaoke…ha!

The anticipation was killing me, and I had butterflies in my stomach…just like it was my senior prom. As the server brought a bottle of Michael’s wine to the table and presented and opened it, I just sat there, staring at him…this really could be our life. I felt a tinge of sadness at having missed the previous year and a half with him…Sure, he was married and had a son…a marriage that, by his account, was the worst decision he ever made, except for having a son…To hear him talk about it made me sad for him. In the short period of time we were testing the wine and looking at the menu, I felt a serious change in my attitude…going from sadness and missing him…to sadness and a bit of anger over the whole situation. Why could he not see what I saw? Why did he have to go and prove himself by getting married and having a kid? Why was our relationship not enough to sustain what he wanted…why wasn’t I enough of a man to give in to his desire to have a family? In that short period of time I beat myself up over what I was doing and what was happening. Was it fair for me to bring all this up and bring him down…could I maintain throughout the evening without screwing it all up…again? And I had to ask myself once more…what the hell was I doing?

I was determined to make it through dinner without blowing a hole into the evening. As the minutes went by, I became more certain that this weekend might, in fact, be the last significant period of time we spent together. Though I thought I was being somewhat selfish, I just didn’t think I had it in me to continue to play along…to give in to what, I was sure, was his plan…the plan to leave Kanae and have me join him back in Walla Walla…raising his son, Hikari. Was I just being naïve to think I could put all our history (good and bad) aside and go about my business and my life? At the end of the day, the heart wants what the heart wants…but with conditions I suspect. I wanted him, so bad, but I could not say I wanted the life that would be presented to me. I also knew myself well enough to know that the minute I met Hikari and saw Michael with him, I would give in…I would go back to going with the flow…I wondered what purpose that would serve.

Dinner went without incident…as I imagined it might. He did not facilitate the chat…I knew it would happen that way…if there were to be a chat…I would be the one who had to push the issue. Because I had committed, to myself, to stay strong (in some respects), I was not going to push the issue either. Maybe he had decided not to go down that road…maybe he was content with us just getting together, having a nice time and having great sex…who knew…I, after all that time, still could not read Mr. lumberjack’s mind…oh, I knew his ways and his patterns…but reading his mind was an entirely different matter.

At some point, during the meal, Michael got a text from Chris wondering where we were and what we were doing “later”. It was then that I knew it was going to be just another evening with the gang. Michael’s habit of avoidance…or in some cases, denial, would cover and save him from having to discuss what was happening. It was, at that point, that I knew I was the one who, once again, would have to make the call, the hard decision, and I was prepared to be the bad guy in that scenario. He would say he understood…or it could go in the complete opposite direction by him just disappearing again…who knew…but I was working hard to convince myself that, for all concerned, it was probably the best course of action. We had that night, and one more after, for me to enjoy being with him…for me to have, once more, a sense of what would have been. As I have said before, few people are ever lucky enough to find true love…let alone, finding it on more than once occasion and I, for all my eccentricities, self-doubts and longings to be with him, knew that I was the lucky one…even if for only a short time in the grand scale and big picture.

He took me in his arms and just stared at me for, what seemed like, hours. As we hugged, he leaned back and kissed me. His taste was sweet and his lips full as I nibbled on them. He kissed his way down my cheek to my neck and, then on to my chest as he unbuttoned my shirt…one button at a time. His tongue gently caressed my nipple…then the other while his fingers played with the first. I felt myself moaning and becoming aroused. As always, his touch was electrifying to me. My fingers run through his hair as he leads me to those places that I haven’t been to in a while. He kisses his way down my chest to my naval and his tongue plunges deep into my belly button…I find myself in heaven from the intense pleasure his simple touch gives me. He slips my shirt all the way off, down my shoulders and it drops to the floor. His fingers run lightly at the waistband…the hair standing straight up as this particular spot gets me going…and he knows it. With stealth-like moves, Michael manages to undo my belt and the button and zipper of my dress pants as his hands move around the sides back towards by butt. As he gently squeezes my ass cheeks through my boxer briefs, he buries his nose in the pouch of my Calvin’s…inhaling my scent and tonguing the front of the pouch…

With his hands in the back, he slips his thumbs inside the waist band at the same time he uses his teeth in the front…my underwear slides down with coordinated motion in the front and the back…he knows I am close as he licks up a large glob of pre-cum off the pouch while caressing my bare ass. Further down the underwear goes until my hard cock slaps upward and out…he buries his nose into my bush…he swallows my cock to the end, down to my bush and then slowly comes back up. As I become a bit unsteady, he senses my closeness and lifts off my cock and takes my balls into his mouth…slowly rolling and sucking them…and then I feel his finger push into my waiting hole.

Instinctively, my ass lifts up, as intense feelings run through my body…he moves his finger in and out and around, until he finds my prostate. He puts in another finger and soon begins to work them both around. I am so freaking close…I don’t know how much longer I can hold off and I whisper that to him. By then, we are both completely devoid of clothes…at some point he stripped, and I was so lost in the ecstasy, I didn’t even realize it. He stands up and gently turns me around facing the bed…and with a soft push he moves me forward…prone. He pulls out his fingers, and spits into his hand. He works it into my hole and puts some on his cock. He moves closer to me and positions himself and he gently pushes against my tight hole. I push back and his cock's head breaks through, and I moan loudly… he stops to let me relax. He slowly starts to fuck me, pushing a little bit more in with each push…He is fully in, and we find our rhythm, like we always do…a familiar rhythm that gives us both intense pleasure…we fuck with no cares at all.

Somewhere in mid stroke, he grabbed my shoulders and, without ever slipping out of me, he turned me, so I was now on my back on the bed. He leans in and kisses me as he grabs a hold of the backs of my thighs and raises them so my legs are wrapped around his waist…I use my legs to pull him closer and tell him to go deeper. Michael picks up the pace as tiny beads of sweat begin to run down from his temples. With one incredible push I am there…I arch my back and I shoot a huge wad all over my chest. My cumming tightens my ass around him and soon he is filling me up with his own huge load. I push and bounce to get him deep as Michael holds onto my legs as if to steady himself…he is deep and hitting all the right spots and I feel his jizz…shot after shot filling me to the brim…He opens his eyes and they are sparkling…almost as if he had tears in them and he kisses me deeply…one of the most passionate kisses we had ever experienced together…I was lost in the kiss and being filled with and by him…it was so damn intense my cock stayed hard…and I continued to dribble my own juice out and down the shaft…

When we finally calmed down, he collapses on top of me and we get lost in, yet another deeply passionate kiss. As he pulled away for a second, he just stared into my eyes…he looked as if he wanted to say something but, sadly, he did not. He sighed and looked away…and I felt my own tear running down my cheek. His lovemaking was incredible and the after-glow, if that what it was, was intense…my body still tingled with excitement and I could tell he was in the same place…he was still rock hard, inside of me and, for all intents and purposes, I would have never, ever, traded that moment. To this day, I think, consider the setting and the circumstances, it was the most intense, electric, and special of all the times we had sex or made love. I knew I would cherish that, and the aftermath…the cuddling and the snuggling, the next round that same evening, and the shower after…I knew there would be no comparing of that night…I just knew…