Discovering The Real Luke

Shielding Feelings

The rest of the week away with AJ is just so relaxed as we both try out new things while we’re away including going scuba diving, windsurfing and other things like that which make us both chill out before things get busy again for the two of us.

Getting home, I check my messages on my social media and see that there is one from the mystery person who thinks they are threatening me but at the same time they really aren’t

“Oh, it’s so sad to see you have a quiet week but glad you’re listening” 

“There’s another message from our friend,” I say to him as he shrugs and looks at me “Does it say anything worthwhile?” he says as I look at him and shake my head. “Well then forget about it then, it’s probably just some fuckwit wanting to think he looks tough behind his keyboard,” AJ says which is probably right but I can’t deny how disconcerting it is that I’ve been able to control everything thus far only to have somebody hang the threat over my head.

The next week, I spend focussing on school work which is good because I think the change of scenery and taking a break from things helped me look at something with a new perspective as I work through this presentation. Sitting at the desk, there’s a knock at the door which I know isn’t someone from outside, it has to be somebody in the building.

I open the door and see Nathan standing there all sweaty “Hey man, mind if I chill out here for a while? Tyler’s at work and I’ve just come back from the gym and realised I left my card in there, so need to wait until he gets home” he says as I nod laughing, having had done the same thing before and needed to wait for AJ.

“No worries man, there are drinks in the fridge make yourself at home,” I say as I head back to the desk to do some more work on my presentation. Sitting at the desk in the corner as Nathan heads in to have a quick shower, he borrows a pair of my shorts that I don’t really wear but stays shirtless as he goes and sits down on the couch watching TV.

“How was the week away with AJ?” he asks as I get surprised that he is actually interested even though he is a mate now. “Yeah, was good, just to get away from everything for a week and just do some new things,” I say as he nods and asks me a few more questions. The last question though takes me by surprise but I really shouldn’t be because it’s the question that I ask myself a fair bit lately.

“So what is the actual story between you two? Are you proper dating or what?” I shrug my shoulders and look at Nathan not really sure what to say really. “Nah, we’re just roomies and mates that’s all,” I say which doesn’t really give him a full and proper answer because honestly, I don’t know what to say about it.

Thinking to myself, AJ doesn’t do that much escorting anymore and he is pretty upfront to everyone that he doesn’t have sex with them, he doesn’t really do much filming on his OnlyFans anymore with other guys, mostly just solo stuff and the stuff that we’ve put up together and just the recent trip that he tried to make romantic. I don’t know whether I’m overthinking everything but it’s hard to explain how I feel about him and how he feels about me because neither of us really wants to put a label on anything.

“You on planet earth Luke?” Nath says to me as I realise that I was lost in my thoughts not hearing him talk to me about things. “Sorry got caught up concentrating on what I had written and trying to get it right,” I say covering as Nathan nods accepting what I had to say which is a relief.

Nathan doesn’t repeat his question as we both focus on things, he watches a sports documentary on ESPN while I sit there and finish doing the bit of editing on the presentation.

As he sits there, I grab an apple and walk over and start talking about OnlyFans “How’s the channel been going?” I ask him as he looks over at me. “Yeah not too bad man, dealing with some of the freaks is interesting but really enjoy pushing the boundaries and most importantly making some cash,” he says as I nod, the cash that comes in is absolutely eye-watering and I don’t really need to worry about anything anymore on that front.

“Look about that thing we discussed before I went away,” I say looking at Nathan who nods, knowing that I mean about doing the duo shoot that we talked about. Nathan was unsure about it, to begin with, though he did have the idea in his head and said that he would think about it and I don’t want to sound pushy but I am keen on what he thinks about doing it.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it man but I’m not sure about it, I know that it will bring in the fans and cash but you know that I am straight and doing something with a guy is a bit odd,” he says as I nod understanding where his concern is but I want to reassure him that everything is ok.

“It doesn’t change what you are man and really, it’s just gay for pay and won’t really affect your chances with Charli because she finds what you do hot right?” I say as Nathan just laughs and nods, not realising that we all know that Nathan and Charli are getting really serious and how much she is into his pushing the boundaries.

“Fuck, I mean I won’t lie that I am keen for that extra money but you know what I mean right?” he says as I nod and really want to do more with him and I try to convince him to do some more today.

“Would you be keen on doing it now?” I ask him as he shrugs, I think he is in the mood right now to do something if we do it now then I think he will change his mind. “I can see you're keen on it and I know AJ isn’t home but that’s what could make it more spur of the moment and they’d enjoy it more,” I say as he thinks it over.

Nathan runs his hands over his head as he agrees and we head into the spare room where we decide to come up with an idea, that is pretty corny but actually might work and be pretty popular. “So the idea is, you’re jerking and I walk in on you, acting dumb and everything seeing you naked, I convince you to let me suck your cock and go from there?” I say as he nods at the idea and we make some ground rules that he doesn’t want to suck me and that kissing isn’t a great idea either.

I get the camera filming, just using the one to make it more spur of the moment and let Nathan get started as he starts jerking slowly, rubbing some oil on his body running his hands over his chest as I wait a few minutes to come in. Walking in, Nathan’s totally smooth tattooed body is on show as I knock on the door.

“Hey man… woah I was just telling you I was home,” I say as I pretend to walk away and he acts as if he’s been so long since he had sex. “Oh, sorry man… just since you know who left, I’ve been so damn horny,” he says trying so hard to not look awkward about things.

I sit down on the bed, “I know man, look the offer is always there for a helping hand or mouth if you get desperate” I say as I pat his leg which makes his body tense up a little but he still seems relaxed.

“I don’t know man, I’m straight and well isn’t a bit gay?” he asks as I’m not sure if he’s still playing for the cameras or actually concerned but I play along. “Dude, just let me do the work for you, I know you won’t regret it” Nath’s nodding reassures me that he is ok with it as I climb towards his cock.

Putting my mouth on Nath’s cock is like a dream come true, he moans as I start swirling my tongue around his head, his massive cock being touched by another guy for the first time and it being me turns me on so much. I move my tongue around the shaft, licking it around in circles feeling it get even harder.

Moving down his shaft, I play with his massive balls which turn me on so much and I can feel that he hasn’t blown a load in days with how thick and filled his sack is right now. Moving my tongue back up to his shaft and head, I finally suck on it taking each inch further and further as I slightly gag towards the end.

I start sucking deep on his cock, taking it all in as I struggle with my first really big cock going down my throat. Nathan closes his eyes for it and I know that it is taking some adjusting for him to know that a guy is sucking his meat, I can sense that he is enjoying the expertise of how a guy knows what is good for him.

As I suck him, I take a risk and move my finger around to his hole and run it along his taint but any worries are gone as I hear him moaning which makes me feel good about what I am doing. Sucking on his cock, I push my finger around his hole as I feel Nathan start to put his hand on my head and taking control of my mouth.

Starting to fuck my mouth, Nathan is really into it as his cock goes deep down my throat and I gag as I feel his pre starting to unload down my throat. I can feel Nathan really into the feeling as he moans “Fuck that feels so good bro” he says as I keep pushing my finger towards his hole and eventually in.

Nathan moans as I push my finger into his hole, stretching him out as I get an idea to put a butt plug into him while I moan. I don’t know whether he is going to be annoyed but I grab it as I take a moment and he nods telling me it’s ok.

In my head, I realise that this straight guy might be more up for taking a cock than he ever lets on but I don’t want to push too far. Pushing in the butt plug, I look at Nathan’s face reaching a peak of enjoyment that he hasn’t ever had before as I go back to sucking his cock.

Sucking him deeply, I feel his cock getting ready to the point of blowing that I keep pushing the butt plug in and out almost like it’s a cock and Nathan’s load keeps building “Holy shit that feels good” he says as I keep doing it, almost like the cameras aren’t there and he is just enjoying it.

As I focus on pushing the butt plug in and out, I feel Nathan about to blow and I put my face near him so that he can blow all over the two of us and it is a lot of cum that he is releasing right now as the straight boy gets a whole new feeling. Nathan finishes blowing his load as my cock is hard and I turn off the camera and lay back next to Nath who looks at me and tentatively grabs hold of my cock which surprises me.

“What’s the matter?” Nathan says to me as he sits there holding my cock which surprises me a fair bit because I wasn’t expecting him to touch me. “Dude, it’s the least I can do,” I say taking my shorts all the way off and throwing them on the floor as his muscular grip on my cock feels so good right now.

Moving my shaft up and down as I lay back and watch Nathan jerking my cock while he still has the butt plug in is just so hot. It doesn’t take long for me to blow my load because everything right now is just amazing having been the first guy to touch Nathan’s cock and then giving him an amazing blowjob, which helped him reach a new peak whilst having the plug in.

After blowing my load, Nathan looks across at me and smiles before I take the plug out as I don’t know what he is feeling right now “How’d that feel man?” I ask as he gives me an approving nod about it.

“It was different to what I thought, in a good way,” he says before adding “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that I can do it all that often and not if it’s for money,” his tone of voice tells me otherwise but I won’t push the issue with Nathan because getting him to do this was amazing for me at least.

Nathan and I shower together for a little while before he gets dressed again as he goes and sits down on the couch. A little while later, Tyler gets home and lets Nathan in so I go off and start editing the video that Nathan and I created.

Getting home just after 5:30, AJ calls out to me as he gets in “Hey I’m home” he says as he notices me working in the spare room, editing the video as he looks. “What’s that you’re watching?” he says looking at it and realising that it’s me and Nathan this afternoon.

“Damn, when did you do that?” he asks me as I fill him in on the details of the afternoon how Nath was locked out of his place and we got talking and just went on to film it. AJ starts to watch the video as he looks at me “I don’t know whether we should call this the kernels or the cob version” he says as I look at him confused by what he meant.

“What? I mean the video is hot but the only thing cornier than this video would be corn itself” AJ says as I laugh and shrug knowing that it is but it’s hot nonetheless. Sitting back, as AJ takes over the editing, I can see that he really enjoys the video as he watches it and is surprised how far Nathan let me go with him.

AJ’s cock bulges in his pants as we finish editing it together “Damn, that was so fucking hot and especially you fingering and then butt plugging Nathan is just perfect” he says as I send Nathan a copy of the video so that he is ok with it.

After finishing editing, AJ and I have dinner which I realise I’m supposed to cook and sit down at the table as he and I just talk about things. “I’ve got that presentation done you know now, I finally got that last section right because it was just something so simple and staring me in the face,” I say as he smiles and pats me on the hand as we sit across from each other because I know that he would be saying something given that I had been filming on one of my days off and really he hadn’t said yes to me doing it.

I know that it sounds pretty controlling needing AJ’s permission to do anything related to filming and going out but I don’t mind it because even though I’m a young man who has been able to take control of things in my life, those boundaries and encouragement are what I need to help me get to where I want to be.  

Heading back to school is a good thing after needing the break, I quickly realise that I want to be back at college because I want to do my presentation. For the presentation, we need to wear business attire as if we’re presenting to a company board so for my first class, I wear pretty casual gear before AJ picks me up to take me back to our place so that I can change into the suit.

Putting on a tight white business shirt and then a grey vest to match my pants, I’m feeling really nervous about both the presentation but even more so the suit because of how much it cost AJ even though he has given it to me because he doesn’t wear it. Putting it on, he tells me how hot I look and then drives me back to the college as I walk in and fist bump him rather than kissing him out in public.

Walking in with my bag and laptop which I want to present with and head into class right now, there are a few looks as I walk into class, with my really sophisticated look with my new watch on that cost a fortune but AJ got for me as well as a present for my six-month moving in.

Sitting at the front of the class, Amy Walters is there with her cronies as they look at me and give me both death stares and a look of surprise at how professional I look. Despite wanting to go first, our lecturer says that she will pull names out of a hat at random.

The draw actually works out to go well because I end up right before Amy Walters and after Cameron Hampden who is one of her cronies. Getting up to do my presentation, I can hear the comments of the group “Here we go… blind everyone with the good looks and fancy suit, style over substance”.

I do my presentation which I think I do really well on and get a great response on from everybody including my lecturer and the other people she has brought in on the presentation. The comments are even more noticeable on the way back down to sit in my spot.

Sitting there, Amy is absolutely flustered by having to follow my presentation and it is an unmitigated disaster for her still thinking that she is going to get her way and get top marks easily. After about another hour and a half, we finally can have the choice of leaving or staying and I decide to stay because a few of my mates are presenting and I want to support them and it’s always good to make a good impression. I put my jacket over the back of my chair and sit there for the remaining time as I see Amy reluctantly stay and I notice that she only did so because I’m still sitting there as well.

Eventually, we get to leave as Amy and her group of friends walk in front of me, at a slow enough pace that I cannot get around them but I know what they’re wanting to talk about it. “Those presentations were just amazing out there although it amazes me how some people are still in the class and at the top when we know they are really just frauds,” Amy says as her little group especially Cameron is trying to make their comments about me and make themselves look more important than they are.

I just ignore them and focus on texting AJ about how good everything went today and whether he wants to head out for dinner and drinks tonight seeing as I don’t have any more classes this week. I keep listening in to the conversation and as the others head off to the carpark, I notice Cameron desperately talking to Amy as if he had something to say to her or trying to attract more of her attention which doesn’t work.

Not thinking too much of it, I wander down to the tram stop and get on board the tram for the ten-minute ride back to the apartment and head home to get changed before heading out. In the past few days, I’ve put up a couple of more pictures and the video with Nathan up which has been quite popular across both our channels which is what we wanted.

I check my messages for a moment while I’m getting changed and see a new one from a couple of hours ago

“So, we’re back performing videos… might be something good for the cinema in Franklin” 

I shake my head as I have the urge to reply but AJ rushes me as I quickly get changed and we head out to a pub just up the road for dinner. Sitting at a table outside, AJ orders the Pork Schnitzel and Chips while I just go for the Chicken Schnitzel and Chips with both of us having a beer to go with it.

“Do you still want to go visit your family?” he asks me as I nod, more certain about going to visit them and tell them the truth about me being gay which I know is something that almost certainly won’t go down well but at the same time, I think that I’m in a position where I can cope.

Nodding at AJ “I’m pretty confident about going to visit them because I think it’s a good time to come out to them because everything is good in my life right now and I’ve got the support network that I need” I say as he looks a bit worried.

“Without bringing you down like a lead balloon, are you sure that you can cope if things go that badly with your parents because I mean thinking that everything is ok is different to them actually not being ok,” he says as I nod. I might be pretty naïve about the situation but the limited communication that I have with them tells me that I can handle it because they don’t hold a big part in my life right now.

“Well yeah I know that, but considering that it’s really just the odd email and message, there still really isn’t any real relationship to speak of so it’s not like that I’m going to lose all that much,” I say as AJ looks at me and doubts whether I will be ok if things go wrong.

“You know that this visit doesn’t have to be a coming-out you know? And you don’t need to think that this arsehole sending you the message is forcing you to out yourself to anyone” he says as I shake my head, knowing that the person behind the messages isn’t forcing me to do anything even though it probably is in the back of my mind considering that I’ve been thinking about it.

Enjoying dinner with AJ is good fun, especially after one of our good friends Jess runs into us and joins us at the pub that makes the night a lot of fun and takes off the seriousness from the conversation. Walking home, I can sense that AJ is nervous about the trip and I decide to ask him about it because it might be the fact that his coming out didn’t go so well or that he is nervous about going to see his parents.

“About this trip, is there something that is bothering you about it more about you than me?” I ask him as he doesn’t really answer my question and deflects to talk about how much he likes the outdoor bench that is sitting in the window of the antique furniture shop that we walk past.

“Yeah, it is, just a shame that we don’t have anywhere to put it and not an 80-year-old couple,” I say as I joke and AJ laughs before I try to bring him back to the question. “Come on man, you need to be honest with me about things because it’s hard to judge sometimes and I’m not trying to mean that in a mean way but you tell me to be honest with myself”

I don’t know whether I had anything in my tone of voice or the question was accusing him of anything but he seems to take offence at my question “What do you be honest with myself? You don’t think I’m being honest with who I am or everything that I do and say to you is really all just one big lie?” he says as I shake my head.

“AJ, that isn’t what I meant,” he says as he picks up his speed and walks off from me as I shake my head trying to understand what’s wrong with him. Walking off on me, I feel gutted because AJ is pissed at me and I don’t know what I did wrong or what it was exactly that upset him and I want to know.

Getting back into the apartment, AJ just heads straight into the bathroom and locks the door which is unusual considering how open that we are together with everything and how often we share things. I sit down on the couch, wanting to know what I did wrong and as AJ gets out of the shower but he just ignores me as he goes to his room and closes the door on me.

Opening the door, AJ looks across at me “I’m not in the mood alright Luke” he says as I know should be giving him the space he wants but at the same time, I don’t want to leave this situation without knowing what I did.

Sitting there on the edge of the bed, I look at AJ who rolls his eyes “Fuck sake Luke, I’m not in the mood to deal with anything right now” he says as I sit there not moving.

“Well if you tell me what I said that was so wrong that upset you man because I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” I say desperately wanting to know what upset AJ because the last thing that I wanted to do was upset the closest person I’ve ever had in my life.

Sitting there he looks across at me “You bugged me to tell you everything and then tonight you had the nerve to tell me that you weren’t being honest with me” AJ says as I realise that he’s taken offence to what I said when I didn’t mean it.

“That wasn’t what I meant at all, I was just meaning that you tell me to just let out my feelings and that I’m the only person in control of it and I was saying that to you,” I say to AJ who doesn’t look interested in my explanation and is probably so angry that he isn’t really listening to me.

“Ok Luke, you didn’t mean to call me a liar, now I can just go back to reading my book,” he says with sarcasm as I walk out closing the door feeling pretty upset because I never meant to hurt AJ and I just wanted him to feel much better than he was about the trip.

That night, I try to focus on everything but AJ and making him upset but instead I think about nothing but what I can do to try and make it up to him. I don’t come out of my room for the rest of the night and the next morning I try to avoid AJ at all costs because I’m feeling so terrible about everything.

Sitting on my bed, AJ comes in to tell me that he’s made breakfast and closes the door still not saying a word to me as I get up and sit at the table across from him. “Look, what the fuck is going on?” I say to him really annoyed by him giving me the cold shoulder after last night.

“If I wanted the cold shoulder then I would just drive home alright? So tell me what the issue is because honestly, I never meant to hurt you” I say to him as he sits there and just looks at me, getting annoyed at my attitude but I’m not apologising for it because I want to know what I did wrong.

AJ looks at me “Seriously Luke, I said to you that I don’t like talking about my life at home but you kept asking me about it so I opened up honestly to you about everything especially things that I tell very few people about my Dad and that before you have the nerve last night to tell me to be honest?” he says getting up having not finished his breakfast.

“I think that I’ve been more than honest with you and given you everything in this world, a place to live when you couldn’t afford the rent, buying you clothes and so much stuff, encouraging you to be you and now you tell me to be honest with myself?” he says as I put my head in my hands realising how much he’s pissed off with me over a misunderstanding.

“AJ, I never said you were lying to me or were never trying to tell me the truth about your life because I wanted to know your history but I kept saying that it’s up to you to tell me what you wanted to and were comfortable to tell me,” I say to him as he stops to me.

I let out a sigh “I could have put it a lot better last night, but I just want you to be as open with your feelings to me as you tell me to be to you” I say looking at him as he just stands there and nods.

“Both of us have been through a lot in our lives and I’ve become the person I am and the person who I wanted and needed to be because of you, I wouldn’t have been able to come out, go to college and done everything like that if it wasn’t for you” he looks at me, a more contrite look goes over his face.

“It’s clear that we are more than friends and the way that you talked to me both at the hospital and then when we were away showed me that it’s more than friendship and I feel the same way for you” AJ can’t look at me now as I talk to him, I don’t know whether he’s angry or not but I want him to look at me.

“From the very first night you met me, you were honest with me and I know for sure that you don’t tell people what you tell me when you first meet them when they book you,” I say as he smirks and laughs nodding “The only thing that you have ever been to me is supportive and been there for me every time I needed an ear to listen to me” I keep saying to AJ as I think he understands where I’m coming from.

“I only meant that you should tell me everything as well because I want to listen to you and be the support that you are for me” AJ walks over and hugs me and then steps back for a minute.

“You’re such a sweet guy Luke and I’m sorry that I took it out on you, I know you have enough on your plate at the moment and I don’t want to pile on your plate because I love you”.