The Exploration Of Nate

CHAPTER VIII

NATE. STOP.

NATE: Hey, you didn't text me last tonight. Did you get home ok? 

JUSTIN: Sorry. I was so tired. I just flopped into bed.

NATE: No worries. I'll see you later. Big Dick. Can't wait.

Justin read the message while sat on site in work. He swallowed the awkwardness down as he thought about the situation he was now in. 

JASON: Prince. Last night. That was incredible. Look, you free to talk? 

JUSTIN: I shouldn't have been there. I'm not being shut out again. Kept a secret. I'm not posh like you, but I'm not beneath you either. I loved you for fuck sake. 

JASON: I fucked up. I know. I'm out now. Fuck, even my ex wife (as of yesterday) is happy for me. I think 50% in the divorce had something to do with it. This is hard for me too. Thankfully friends, family and business partners are respectful of my formerly coming out to them. I've always loved you. I treated you badly. I'm sorry

JUSTIN: Great. Everyone’s happy for you. But they aren't me. Your drugs, have you stopped? Are you clean? 

JASON: It was a fucked up time. I know it's horrible because of your mum and I'm really sorry to have put you through the situations I put you in. I was a mess. I'm happy and clean now. Christ, a glass of champagne and I'm drunk. 

JUSTIN: You can meet me on site and we can talk. I’ll message the address. It’s not far.

JASON: Ok Prince. 

A little while later.

Jason arrived in his Porsche. Obviously. It was Saturday so there were no other guys from Justin's team on site. He'd just got the contract to plumb a huge office complex and he'd taken on more recruits. He just wanted to check progress. Nothing fucks with work.

He felt a mix of nerves, excitement and there it was. Guilt. Nate. What the fuck about Nate. He let his mind wonder about the beautiful boy for a moment and then a text chime brought him back. 

JASON: Ok, where are you? This place looks like a fucking bomb site. 

JUSTIN: Get stairs up to first floor. I’m in the room on the left. 

Jason crept up the stairs recoiling at the dust and general mess everywhere. Much more comfortable in his home office or the one in the city. 

He found the door and opened it sheepishly. Usually a confident and charismatic guy, Jason was actually feeling a little nervous. 

There he was. His Prince. Sat with his back to him, on an iPad tapping away. Something plumbing related he hazarded a guess. 

Justin let the silence fill the room for a moment. Knowing Jason was there. Then back toward him.

“Hey.” He looked at Jason and smiled the smile that broke hearts everywhere. 

“Good morning. Is there another chair in this place or do I have to regress to being in school and sit on the floor?” Jason said with sarcasm. 

“Fuck, I’ll get you one now” Justin slammed the iPad down on the floor and went to another room. Smile gone.

“I was joking. I’m ok just standing.” Jason called after him.

“No you’re not. Let’s be honest. You couldn't deal with your arse touching the floor.” He slammed the chair down and smacked it. “Pop your posh arse on there.” Justin went and sat back on his chair. Leaning forward, elbows on knees. 

“So I’ve come to talk. To apologise. To make things work again. Just, I still love you. You never did a thing wrong to make me question that. I was a total fuck up and an obnoxious bitch. Right person wrong time, maybe? I’d like to think there is a right time for the right person though? Despite everything.” Jason searched the beautiful face of his former lover.

“You hurt me. You made me feel like I was a dirty secret. Even though I was the one carrying around your dirty secrets. Fuck Jas, some nights I’d come back to the flat with you unconscious on the bathroom floor covered in sick. Always scared fuckin’ shitless thinkin’ you’d fuckin’ died. I’ve been through it with someone I love and you never ever get over that.” Justin spoke with anger. He flexed his hands into fists and rubbed them along his thighs before closing his hands around his chest. 

Jason went to touch Justin’s leg and thought better of it. He shifted in his seat realising the gravity of what he’d made Justin go through.

For the first time it hit him hard. His voice started to waver. The lump in his throat consumed his ability to speak and he wept into his hands. “I lost you. I let you down. I treated my ex with more respect and she was leaving my life as you were trying to come into it and just make it better again. I want to start again. I know I’m older with baggage, you could have anyone. I just hope I haven’t ruined things forever.” He was practically hyperventilating into his palms. 

Justin couldn’t watch this anymore. He bent to his knees in front of Jason and grabbed Jason’s face. “Hey. Calm down. Yes you’ve been a fuck up. What else did you say? Obnoxious bitch. What else was there…” Justin kissed Jason and laughed.

“Fuck off. You’ve made your point.” Jason laughed back and smacked Justin’s shoulder and pushed him back playfully. Justin laughed at him and wiped a tear away with his thumb.

Jason felt the urge to have his Prince. There and then. He grabbed Justin’s neck chain and pulled him in for a kiss. The kiss was rough and furious. Like it had been months overdue. Maybe it was. They fell to the floor and scrambled with their bodies. 

Justin, on top, reached his arms under Jason’s arse and pressed Jason’s legs against his chest. “I gotta have you.” He pulled Jason’s jeans up to expose his hole. “No underwear? Someone’s prepared.” He chuckled. “Of course baby, didn’t think I was going to visit you at work in your work gear and leave without a load?” Jason teased. 

Almost in a plank, Justin reached under with one hand and pulled his cock out of his work trousers roughly. “Spit on your hand, lube me up babe.” Jason complied, happy to be Justin’s ‘babe’ again. He slapped a hand around Justin’s shaft and pulled hard. “I’m your babe again? Hmmm, show me how much I mean to you. Just fuck me.”

Justin pulled Jason’s hand away guided his tense body toward Jason’s hole. Jason reached down eagerly pulling his cheeks apart. “Beat my pussy up baby. Ruin me again.” Jason pleaded. 

Justin heaved forward and sank into Jason. “Oh my god.” Jason reached back, licked his lips, rolled his eyes and grinned. He was going to lie there and let Justin do whatever the fuck he wanted. 

Justin’s immense strength kept him in his plank without even a struggle as he slammed Jason powerfully with a teasing break in between thrusts. With his legs clamped in place by Justin’s arms, Jason was powerless. He didn’t care. His prince was back between his legs where he should be. 

Justin knelt back and grabbed Jason’s jeans that had gathered between his legs and rocked him back and for on his cock. “Fuck that feels good. You’re gettin’ my head. This ass. Amazin.” He picked up the pace using Jason as a fuck toy practically. 

“Go deep. Youre gonna make me cum.” Jason reached up and clawed and Justin’s t shirt.
“Fuck it.” Justin grunted, he leant forward and slammed Jason, the impact booming in the empty office space. Slam after slam. He didn’t relent. Justin was silent, the power overwhelming until he felt his orgasm come in a gradual prickling of his legs all the way into his belly. “Yeah, harder I’m gonna cum. Oh yes baby. I’m cumming.” Jason had reached for his cock and pulled it frantically. Justin leant back and sped up even further. 

“Fuck I’m gonna blow.” Justin shouted not caring who could hear. Jason pulled himself up and Justin grabbed him tight. Jason pumped up and down while the load landed deep inside him. “Oh there it is. Fuck.” Justin slumped slightly and Jason rocked on his cock back and forth for a few moments. They kissed while catching their breath. 

Eventually, Jason rolled back and pulled his jeans up and stood. “How it used to be, carrying you around in my pussy all day.” He reached down and ruffled Justin’s hair. Justin leaned still, back on his hands, cock still out. 

“Sit down.” Justin commanded. He got up and shoved his cock back in his work trousers and sat on the other chair again. He grabbed Jason’s hand pulled it between his thighs. 

“I can’t do all this shit with LBM tonight. If we’re gonna do this, make another go of it I mean. I can’t have any distractions from us. I need you alone not with other guys. I got mixed up in it because you wanted it. You told me to make that move on Gray when I went for trials.” He rubbed Jason’s hand.

Jason came to kneel in front of him. That was another thing Jason missed about his prince. His all consuming intensity.  “I’m ok with whatever you want. I’m not willing to throw you away again. You could be with anyone and you chose me.” Jason looked up pleading. 

“I wanna leave the group. Like now. Will you? You can give David the money for the next month. But I want you to leave the group at the same time. I don’t mean just WhatsApps I mean not go back.” Justin looked Jason in the eyes.

“There, for what it’s worth. Just left. I’ll speak to David as well.” Jason showed Justin his phone.

“I’ve left mine too. Ok good start. Don’t hurt me again.” Jason searched familiar eyes. He knew this was a massive risk but he also couldn’t ignore his feelings for the man he’d loved.

“I won’t.” Jason replied.

“Promise.” Justin asked.

“Yeah.” Jason assured.

“Now get the fuck out. I’m working. I’ll call you later.” Justin teased and slapped Jason on the arse. “And by the way, that car is fuckin’ ridiculous. But I’ll definitely fuck you on the bonnet.” 

“Yours when ever you want it. Car, bonnet, pussy. Whatever.” Jason teased as he left the room. 

“I KNOW!” Justin shouted after him. 

Justin sat for a moment and thought. Jason and him had history and although complicated, he loved him when things were good. He loved him when things were bad. They just were bad way more than good recently. 

JUSTIN: Are you free? 

NATE: Yeah! Ring me.

Justin exhaled hard and hit call.

“Hey, I got a little worried not hearing from you. Last night was so sweet. Can’t wait to do it…”

“Nate. Stop.” Justin felt pain creep up his face. It didn’t make him change his mind. He had to go back to the relationship that meant so much to him, despite everything.

Nate was trembling. He’d built up feelings for Justin beyond lust. He had a feeling he might shatter into a million pieces. “Uh, ok. What’s happened? Are you ok?”

“Uh, yeah I’m ok. Look I really don’t want to hurt you anymore or lead you on. I met up with Jason after I saw you. Not planned or nothin’ but we slept together and again this mornin.” Justin just kept going.

Nate had to sit down on the sofa they’d hugged sweetly on only the other morning. He couldn’t breathe. And the lump in his throat was getting harder to control. The words Justin fired were like bullets.

“We’ve got a fuckin’ massive history and it’s not simple. I never told you but we love each other. It’s hard. Are you there?” Justin remembered to stop.

“Yeah. Uh, I don’t know what to say.” Nate held his head in his free hand and cried silently.

“Fuck Nate, you’re beautiful, inside and out. I’m just that big dicked prick who wasn’t honest about where I was at. We’re not goin’ to that thing tonight, fuck if David can’t have his own way he’ll cancel it anyway. No biggie. I can’t be in those situations with Jason right now. It’s just not good for us.” Justin babbled again.

Nate felt numb. Like his head was being pressed in a vice and all his nerves were severed. It wasn’t the list of sexual athletics that hit him. It was that word. Us. 

“I actually do know what to say. Don’t you fucking dare feel sorry for yourself. You shouldn’t have made me feel that way last night if he can just click his fingers. Actually, the best thing to say is. FUCK. OFF.” Nate hung up and threw his phone across the floor and buried his head in the sofa. He could faintly smell Justin’s soapy scent. 

Justin slammed his phone down and fought back tears. “You better be fuckin’ worth this babe. Better be fuckin’ worth it.” He said to himself , hoping on some level Jason felt the energy. 

Nate cried for an hour. He had booked the weekend off for obvious reasons but those plans seemed totally obliterated. “I need to get drunk tonight. Blind fucking drunk.” He reasoned out loud. 

NATE: Well don’t I have fucking news. 

CHRIS: Where fuck have you been, not heard from you in days. Why is everyone leaving groups, tonight is off clearly. I’m not bothered to be honest. 

NATE: Ring me and I’ll fill you in.

“Well hell the fuck o, ya dirty git!” Chris practically barked down the phone. 

“Jesus. You have way too much energy in the morning. Good to hear you though.” Nate felt mildly better hearing a friend. 

“What’s the matter?” Chris knew Nate was a crap liar clearly.

“Uh. Shit. Ok. Justin came by again last night and we had a date on the beach. Fucked. I came home. I thought I’d grown to really like him. Full on question this whole ‘just having fun’ thing.” Nate quoted the fun thing. 

“Shit that’s deep. He’s hardly something you can ignore in the looks department. Carry on.” Chris listened to his friend unpick everything. 

“Well he’s called me this morning to say he fucked Jason on the way home last night and again this morning and they’re back together.” Nate laughed, completely exacerbated.

“Oh god. I could see this coming. Not to say it was something to warn you about, didn’t think you’d felt that way for him. If you RANG ME, I’d have told you.” Chris shouted sarcastically. “But, those two go back a couple of years. They met outside of all this. Justin is the reason Jason came out. His marriage was dead anyway, I’d even say his wife will end up being a fag hag eventually. Aww, nice isn’t it?” Chris tried to make Nate laugh. Nate tried but it came out as a shallow exhale. 

“Look, those two are complicated. Best be avoided. I can see you and Justin together. But you’re going to have to push passed that. Try not to go hard on him, he’s dealt with a lot with Jason. I hope Jason knows how lucky he is.” Chris managed to be fair in his assessment.

“Well, he’s a sweet guy but obviously I told him to fuck off. Look, cool if you’re busy but fancy getting blind drunk tonight? I think I need it.” Nate pleaded.

“I’m in! Mind if I invite Gray along? I needed to fill you in on stuff too.” Chris sounded slightly excited but restrained at Nate’s news.

“Shut up. Have you?” Nate was willing his friend to say it. 

“Well me and Ryan sat down and agreed we’re just really good friends over anything else. He’s gone. Gray and I are absolutely having fun. Nothing serious but just a little more exclusive than before.” Chris sounded happy.

“I’m so happy for you. You too are such a fucking brilliant match.” Nate smiled genuinely.

“Ok, let me check on Gray’s plans and let you know later. Shame though, was hoping to fuck you in that house tonight and cum all over Justin’s face, but never mind.” Chris Chuckled.

“Haha. You pig. Ring me later. Bye.” Nate left the call and fell back again into a slight sleepy drift. He woke a little later. 

‘I need to run.’  And so he did. He ran for miles. He felt he was running from this morning, as fast as he could.

As he reflected on the last couple of days he became angry with himself. Why did he let himself fall for someone like that. Were there signs he missed? He kept thinking maybe this was all a mistake and Justin would text him and he would come and lie on the sofa with him this afternoon. 

He stopped and sat for a moment. Downed half his water and pulled out his phone. He ignored the chaos from the LBM group. Couldn’t care less. There it was. 

JUSTIN: Nate I’m sorry. You’re better than me. Look after yourself. 

Nate wanted to reply. But didn’t. He blocked him instead. Out of sight out of mind. 

CHRIS

“Hey babe. Nate needs a blow out. Gotta take him out. What you doing tonight?” Chris rang Gray. 

“Christ things have gone mad on that group.  I think its days are numbered. I’ve had Brandon on the phone asking what’s going on. What happened?” Gray asked.

“Long short version. Nate and Justin have been uh, hangin’ out. Feelings grew. Then Jason clicked his fingers.” Chris delivered abruptly. 

“Oh Jesus. We saw that coming anyway. Divorce, coming out. It’s obvious timing. I hope Justin knows what he’s doing. Lord, Justin and Nate, what a beautiful pair. Sorry.” Gray giggled.

“No you’re right. They’re similar in age and I think Nate would have been good for him. He’ll need to figure it out. Are you free tonight? I know we’re keeping things more serious between us but Nate? Come on. Imagine me and him spit roastin’ you.” Chris teased.

“Oh now there’s an idea. I can go one better. My house  is free. Other half has moved into our holiday home indefinitely. I’ll being doing a Jason soon. Maybe not the taking the ex back part though. Get him round here for 7. We’ll have drinks and if he’s in the mood, we’ll have a lot of fun.” He spoke the ‘fun’ right into the phone. 

“I have an idea too. But, go easy on him. We do nothing he doesn’t want to. If he wants to talk and cry all night, he can. We can fuck all Sunday.” Gray added cheerily. 

“You’re on.” Chris hung up.