The Crab Barrel

Chapter One

“You need to leave before my Mama gets home from work,” I whispered to my best friend Donny Maginot.

He did not say anything; he just went about the task of putting on the sweatpants and white tee shirt he’d worn the night before. If Mama had caught him in the house there would be hell to pay. Donny was pretty much hated by all the parents in our community.

He wasn’t any worse than any other kid: however, the fact that he was not allowed in his own mother’s home was enough to make him enemy number one among the grownups in the neighborhood, especially since his mother, Sister Althea Maginot, was practically worshiped within the community. If an anointed, God fearing woman could kick her own seventeen-year old son out of the home, then he certainly had done something ungodly and unforgivable.

I suspected, though hadn’t confirmed it with Donny, that his being kicked out had a lot to do with the rumors surrounding his sexuality.

“Thanks man,” he said once he’d finished tying the laces of his Jordans. “I just had to sleep somewhere quiet.”

“I wish you could just stay here man but…”

“Who the fuck is in my house, Quintavius?!” My Mother’s voice thundered. Her blue booted feet thumped down the hallway. Before I could answer, or at least try and hide Donny, my bedroom door flew open.

“Nigger, you got five seconds to get your trifling ass out of my house before I call the cops on your ass for trespassing!”

As much as my Mama’s vile words hurt my feelings, they seemed to have no impact on Donny, whom they were aimed at. He just quietly picked his backpack up from the floor and heeded my Mama’s crude warning.

“What was he doing here?”

“Mama He just…”

“He is not your friend, and he is not your responsibility. I don’t want him in my house!”

“Mama he hasn’t done anything,” I argued

“You don’t know what he does; or do you?”

I hated it when my Mama looked at me with those accusing eyes. She always had a way of making me feel guilty when I hadn’t even done anything.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied.

For the past couple of years, my Mama had been fishing for clues as to whether or not I was like Donny. The fact that I wanted so desperately to be an actor only fueled her suspicions.

“Play dumb,” She said walking out of my bedroom. I was relieved that she didn’t want to argue any further. Recently Mama and I have gotten into marathon arguments that started from nothing and ended without any real resolution.

I didn’t feel like going to school, but I didn’t want to give Mama a chance to start up again. While things stood peaceful, I grabbed my backpack and headed to the bus stop.

Chapter Two

Damn, this wasn’t my lucky day for sneaking around. I wanted to get away from C hall before the Drama teacher, Mr. Easley, saw me. I’d done just that, only to run into him in the restroom.

“Quintavius, I noticed your name wasn’t on the list to try out for the spring production. I think you’d be excellent in “Fences”.”

“Mr. Easley, I’m sorry, but Mr. Reirdan, over at the Thespian Theatre, has assured me a part in their production of “Cats.”

Mr. Easley ran his fingers through his dreadlocks in frustration. He didn’t like the Thespian Theatre and he really could not stand Mr. Reirdan, who at one time, was the drama teacher at Hertford County High. Mr. Easley had been one of his students. Though Mr. Reirdan spoke very highly of his former student, Brian Easley, Reirdan’s name was shit in Mr. Easley’s mouth.

“Cats!” He guffawed. “There ain’t but one black cat in the production, and your ass ain’t hardly big enough to play him.”

“I’m playing Rum Tum Tugger,” I said, feeling slightly offended by his laughter.

“Oh, the one in the tight body suit that gyrates his ass for an entire number. That figures.”

“Mr. Easley, I’m gonna be late for class,” I said. I had to get out of there before I cussed his ass out.

Hell, yea I wanted to do “Cats” and not “Fences”. I wasn’t about to become boxed in as a “black actor”. Mr. Richard Reirdan gave me the best advice not long ago:

“Son don’t let yourself get labeled as a black actor. Black actors get stuck playing thugs, pimps and all the basic black stereotypes. Actors play a broad spectrum. Will Smith, Anthony Mackie, and Laurence Fishburn are actors; Clifton Powell, Allen Payne, and Bokeem Woodbine are black actors.”

“Just watch yourself around Reirdan!” He called after me.

I didn’t even bother to respond.

Mr. Easley was one of those pro black brothers that thought every white person on earth was the devil. I lost a lot of respect for Mr. Easley when I learned that he was a Hebrew Israelite, and held a negative opinion of homosexuals, especially black homosexual males, whom he referred to as damaged pieces of flesh, and perpetuators of black genocide.

All through last period his words rang through my head: “Just watch yourself around Reirdan.”

He almost sounded like my Mama.

Recently, the bulk of me and Mama’s arguments centered around the time I spent at the Thespian, specifically the time I spent with Mr. Reirdan:

“That white man ain’t taking you to all those shows and giving you all those free acting lessons for nothing,” she said, one day, out of the blue. “He’s going to expect payment one day, if he isn’t already getting it.”

I was God smacked by what my own mother was accusing me of. Mr. Reirdan had never once said or did anything to suggest that his intentions were anything more than to make me into the best young actor (Not black) I could possibly be.

“That’s so fucken disgusting,” I hissed, not worried about the slap that I was sure to receive for using such language towards her. Surprisingly, she let that one slide. “Mr. Reirdan has never asked anything like that of me, and I damn sure wouldn’t do it, if he had. I have talent, and he recognizes that.”

“Humph, and you also are a teenaged, black boy from the projects that is being raised by a single mother, and you just happen to like theatre.”

“So?”

“So, that white man ain’t helping you for nothing. He wants something. I just hope and pray that you don’t get desperate enough to give it to him, if you haven’t already.”

“I’m done talking to you for today,” I said as tears started to well up in my eyes. I ran to my room and slammed the door behind me, though I couldn’t shut out my Mama’s cussing and fussing.

I was so glad when the bell rang to end school. I couldn’t wait to go to the Thespian and become Rum Tum Tugger. I could relate to the character, for I, too, was a curious cat.

Chapter Three

The way that my face beamed when I was handed the sheet music for “Cats,” one would think I was handed the winning Powerball ticket. I’d been fascinated with the musical, ever since I was nine and ran across it on PBS. I was too young then to really understand the story, but the music and costumes were enough to draw me in.

Of course, my Mama hated it. Like most black people I knew, if a play didn’t have Tyler Perry in it, running around in a dress and shooting at people, my Mama wasn’t interested in it.

After rehearsal, Mr. Reirdan treated me to a meal at McDonald’s. I ordered a grilled chicken wrap and water. I wanted to remain a fit as possible. Though acting was my first love, I was equally passionate about dancing and singing.

“I am so excited about having you in our little production.” Mr. Reirdan smiled. “I wish that Brian Easley would get out of the little black box he seems stuck in. “A Raisin in the Sun” for the fall production, and now “Fences”; Where’s the diversity?”

“There is none,” I said rolling my eyes. “He’s already planned to present a production of “For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide when the Rainbow is Enuf” at the C. S. Brown Cultural Arts Center this summer.”

“The Tyler Perry play?”

“No, the play is by Entozke Shange,” I corrected. “Tyler Perry adapted it into a movie.”

“A man throws his children out the window, a woman gets raped, women having abortions, and catching venereal diseases from screwing the same man.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, but when will black people get tired of seeing themselves portrayed as sufferers and savages? There is never any middle ground.”

“I agree, but if I say that to someone like Mr. Easley, or the people in my neighborhood, then I will be called a sell-out, or an Uncle Tom.”

“So fuckin’ stupid. You live in a crab barrel, Quintavius. Brian grew up in the same neighborhood you live in. He was talented as hell. I helped him get a performance arts Scholarship to UNC Greensboro. He could have been a successful actor. He chose to let the crabs drag him back down in the barrel.”

“If I get a chance to get out of Hertford County, there is no way I’m coming back, especially back to the Murfreesboro projects.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” said Reirdan, fishing through his briefcase and retrieving a form. “There is a scholarship competition coming up at Wake Forest University in a couple of weeks. I think you should enter for singing and acting. You shouldn’t have to worry about how you’re going to pay for college when your talent can get you a free ride.”

“Thanks,” I said. I wanted to hug him, but I knew a lot of the customers and employees. The last thing I needed was for someone to tell my Mama that I was in McDonalds hugging some middle-aged white man. That would be all the confirmation she’d need. I’d probably end up without a place to stay like poor Donny.

“It’s going to be a lot of hard work practicing for “Cats,” and learning a solo and monologue. I have faith in your ability to do well Quintavius.”

I almost wanted to cry. My Mama hated the fact that I wanted to pursue a career in acting. My Dad tried to sound supportive but, he didn’t seem too thrilled about my career goal either. It felt good to know that somebody believed in me and supported my dreams.

I fought back tears as I quietly said, “Thank you.”

Chapter Four

I’d just gotten out of the shower when I heard the knock at my bedroom window. As much as I wanted to ignore it, my heart wouldn’t let me leave him out there when I knew he had no place to go.

“Go to the back door!” I yelled as I quickly stepped into my boxers and pulled a tee shirt on over my head.

“I swear, I’ll be out before day light,” Said Donny when I opened the door. He still wore the shirt and sweats from the night before. “Can a brother get a shower?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said, feeling guilty for the thoughts that were going through my mind. “Let me get you a towel and wash cloth. You need to borrow some boxers?”

“Nah, I got some.”

“By the way man, I’m sorry for how my Mama acted this morning,” I apologized as I foraged through the linen closet for a clean towel and wash cloth.

“It’s all good. She’s just going on all the bullshit people ‘round here are saying about me.”

“Still, I’m sorry.”

“Thanks man” He said taking the blue towel and burgundy wash cloth. We never had matching bath sets.

I was about to go to my room and rehearse the monologue Mr. Reirdan and I chose for me to perform at the scholarship competition when he said, “Hey why don’t you come join me? You know how I like to have somebody to talk to while I take a bath.”

I couldn’t tell if the look on his face him was being flirtatious or him fondly recalling how I’d sit in the bathroom and we’d talk none stop while he took a bath when we were kids. That was when we were kids. We were now seventeen, practically grown ass men.

“No man, I really gotta rehearse.”

“You can rehearse in there. I would love to hear what you’re working on. Look man, I know you’ve probably heard some shit. It ain’t like that, for real. I just need…Quintavius, I just need to not hear silence. I’ve been by myself, with no one to talk to since I left out of here this morning. I just need to be around somebody and talk.” His eyes appeared glassy.

“Okay,” I said following him into the bathroom, and thanking God that my Mama was several miles away, working the night shift at Perdue.

Don’t look at him. Do not look at him. Listen to him, but do not look! He’s been your best friend since kindergarten. You cannot have those thoughts in your head about him. Not him. Not while the two of you are here, alone in this big old empty apartment. Don’t look at him....

Goddamn, when did he develop such a nice physique? Damn look at that…

What is the right name for his complexion: cinnamon? Reddish brown? Caramel? Were his lips always that full and sensuous? I wonder how many guys he’s been with. I wonder if it’s even true at all. People probably have shit twisted, and he’s getting more pussy than a tampon.

Why did I look at him?? I know I can’t have him. I know I just need to stop looking, but I can’t.

“Thanks man,” he said when I handed him the blankets and a pillow to make a pallet on the floor. I wonder if he noticed how hard I was checking him out in the bathroom.

“You’re welcome. Don’t forget to set the alarm on your phone.”

“I did it before I came here; I’ll be out by six.”

“Alright, then.”

“Quin; when are you going to ask?”

“Ask what?”

“Why my Mama kicked me out of the house. You’re my best friend; don’t you want to know?”

“Well, I was kinda curious, but I felt it was your business, and if you wanted to tell me you would.”

“Well let me first say that I didn’t molest a kid, or no off the wall shit like that.”

“I knew better than that!”

“My mom came home from choir practice and caught me jerking off in my bedroom. She really flipped out when she saw that I was using the olive oil she had Reverend Jamison pray over and anoint. Well she flipped out over that… and what I was watching on the computer.”

“What were you watching?” I asked, as if I didn’t already know.

“Don’t play stupid!” He smacked his lips. “I was watching niggas fucking each other. I’ve been watching it since I was thirteen. I cannot get hard and jerk off to niggas fucking bitches, or bitches fucking each other, but niggas fucking other niggas, that shit gets me cock-diesel every time. For the first year, I was scared to death, because I knew it was wrong, and I knew that I was going to hell.”

“After the first year, the fear of going to hell was less intense than the need to watch niggas fucking each other and play with myself. Hell, by the time I was sixteen and doing what those niggas on the internet was doing, I won’t scared of shit: not hell, not right or wrong, not even my Mama. I just wanted to do what the niggas on the internet did with other niggas.”

Damn, it was out in the open. My best friend, Donny Duane Maginot, liked guys. My best friend, Donny Duane Maginot, had actually had sex with other guys. My best friend, Donny Duane Maginot, was gay.

“Donny, you’re my boy, no matter what.”

“And I really appreciate that. Goodnight Quin.”

“Goodnight.”

“Yo, come lock the door behind me,” said Donny, shaking me awake. Robotically, I followed him to the back door.

Once the sleep fog cleared from my eyes, I noticed that he’d put on a fresh outfit: a pair of khaki shorts and a clean white tee shirt.

“Thank you so much Quin. You’re the only nigga around here that I know I can fuck with.” I was startled by the deep bear hug that he gave me. “I love you man.”

“I love you too, Donny; I’ll always have your back.”

“I might have to stay again tonight, if that’s ok.”

“Tonight, is fine, but tomorrow and Sunday, my Mama is off.”

“Okay.” He nodded before heading out the door. I don’t know why I felt the need to stand and watch him as he walked away. Once he was across the street he turned and waved at me before shuffling away into the darkness of South Drive.

As I returned to my bed, I couldn’t help but think of how much Donny looked like a specter under the streetlights.

Chapter Five

I didn’t wake up until around noon on Saturday. The potent smell of weed wafted through the air. I could hear Mama and at least one of her loud ass, rachet friends yacking it up in the living room. As bad as I wanted to stay in my room and avoid whoever was in there being loud as hell, the hunger pains in my stomach would not allow me to.

“Damn Keeysha, your baby is fine!” said Latrice, the loudest and most rachet of my Mama’s loud and rachet friends. “How old are you now, Quin?”

“Seventeen, Ma’am.” I said showing her the respect that she did not deserve especially for the shit that she said next.

“Umm, you’re fucking age. You had any pussy yet? Shit. I’ll gladly volunteer to take your cherry.”

“Bitch, \ leave my baby alone.” said Mama, laughing as if that shit was in any way funny or appropriate.

It always bothered me that in my neighborhood everyone was always on guard against adult men who dared to look at underage girls, but the women could be as sexually explicit as they pleased with boys of any age. It was nothing to see a grown woman freak dancing on a boy as young as eight at a block party while people egged it on. I shuttered to even think what would have been done if a grown man had been bold enough to say something sexually inappropriate to a young boy.

“Shit, he fine though.” Laughed Latrice. “When you ready to become a man, you know where my apartment is.”

I cringed. The woman did not practice the best hygiene and her house was nasty as hell.

“Latrice, leave my baby alone, your ass barking up the wrong tree anyway.” said Mama staring coldly at me.

“Oh, he got a girlfriend?” She asked looking back and forth between me and Mama.

Did I also mention that Latrice was slow as hell?

“He’s doing something.” Said Mama. “If he fuck around and catch something, he’s getting the hell out my house.”

I turned and went to the kitchen. I was not about to have the fight my Mama was trying to pick in front of her friend. I hated when my Mama drank. She always did the most after a couple of beers; it was worse when she had some of friends around to provide her with an audience.

I had just poured myself a bowl of Golden Grahams when Mama yelled from the living room, “Oh, your black ass Daddy wants you to visit him. Don’t discuss shit with him about me.”

“Okay.” I answered back. I never understood why Mama felt the need to instruct me not to discuss her with Dad.

“And make him give you some money. Shit, you are his child, he don’t know if that bitch’s child is his or not.”

“Ok Ma!” I said not trying to hide the annoyance in my voice. I didn’t even want my damn cereal anymore.

I packed a couple of outfits in my backpack boarded my bike and headed to my father’s house where things made sense.

Much as I had expected, my Dad and his wife, Casandra, needed me to babysit my little brother, Cameron while they went out of town for the night. Let me make it perfectly clear, that has never been the only reason my Dad wanted me to come stay at his house, plus he and Casandra made sure that I was paid well every time, this time being no exception. I placed the one hundred -dollar bill that Casandra handed me before she and Dad left in my wallet.

Watching my little brother was no trouble at all. He was eight years old and loved video games. As long he could play those, I was willing to wrestle with him in between his breaks from the game, and made him his favorite peanut butter, jelly and syrup sandwiches, he was a breeze to babysit.

Cameron was fast asleep by 10 PM. I sent a text to Donny to see where he was and how he was doing. When he texted me back that he was staying with his cousin, I felt better. I had every intention of telling him to come spend the night over at Dad’s house with me if he didn’t have a place to stay for the night. He could have slept in the bed that Casandra’s oldest son, Riley, used whenever he was home.

I had settled down and was just about to fall asleep, when Riley, flipped the light switch on and stumbled into the room either drunk, high, or both.

“Oh, Hey, Quin,” he said. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

He stripped down to his boxers. For some reason, Riley had a raging erection. I turned my back to him to give him the time he needed to walk across the room and get into the other bed. I felt my cover being pulled back. Riley got into bed with me and his dick was pressed right against my ass.

“Riley!” I flipped over onto my back. His cock pressed against my thigh, but it was better than where it had been before. “Your damn bed is over there.”

“I’m horny as hell, Quin; ain’t nobody got to know about this.” His weed and Miller Beer breath was as offensive as what he was proposing.

“Riley, this isn’t about to happen.”

“Come on Quin, you can fuck me too. You can go first.” He slid his boxers down and turned his ass to me.

“Riley, get the fuck out of my bed. This is the last time I am going to say it nicely.”

“Why you fronting; your dick’s getting hard. Everybody already knows you’re a faggot.”

“Do they know that you’re a faggot?”

“I’m not gay, I just do freaky shit from time to time.”

“Of course.” I rolled my eyes. “Go to your own bed, Riley. I would really be a faggot if I had sex with a nigga like you.”

Reluctantly he got up and went to his own bed, walking the less than 15-foot distance unnecessarily slow with his boxers still pulled down so that I could see his ass. I felt mad at myself for having gotten aroused.

Riley spent the next several minutes very loudly masturbating. I placed a pillow over my head in a vain attempt to drown out his overly exaggerated moans of passion. When he finally finished, he just rolled over and fell asleep snoring loudly.

Chapter Six

The next day, Dad and Cassandra treated me and Cameron out for pizza. I was glad when Riley declined the invitation. I didn’t want to be around him any more than I had to. He did apologize to me the next morning giving the lame excuse that he had been drunk and high. I made it clear to him that I wouldn’t tell anybody, but he had better not ever approach me in that way again.

I was grateful when Dad and Casandra said that Donny could join us. On our way to the pizza parlor, I got a text from him saying that he and his cousin had gotten into a fight and he hadn’t eaten all day.

Judging from the way that he attacked slice after slice of pizza, I knew that Donny had been without food longer than just that day.

“Wow, he can eat a lot.” Said Cameron

“And you eat too little.” Said Cassandra pointing to the one half- eaten slice on his plate.

“I got full watching him.” Said Cameron

“Well, since you’re full, let’s go play a few rounds of Mortal Combat.” Said Dad, wanting to get Cameron away from the table before he made the situation anymore awkward than it already was.

“Eat all you want, baby.” said Casandra once Dad and Cameron were over at the arcade machines.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” said Donny, “Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Quin, where has that baby been staying?” asked Casandra when he was gone.

“I’ve snuck him in and let him sleep over while Mama was a work a couple of nights. He stayed with his cousin last night, but now he has nowhere to go.”

“I have heard that his Mama kicked him out of the house, people spread so many rumors, do you know the real reason why?”

“He’s gay Casandra, and Sister Maginot doesn’t agree with it.”

“So, is he your__”

“No, Casandra, he’s just my best friend.”

“Well, I want you to know that it would not matter to me or James if that was the case. We love you.”

“Thanks Casandra. I love the two of you too.”

“Now, I am not trying to be all up in your business, but do you have the same preference as your best friend.”

“Yes.” I said finally admitting it to someone else. “Please don’t tell my Dad.”

“Quin, James already knows, he’s just waiting for you to tell him. Hell, I’m still waiting for Riley to tell me.”

“Riley?” I asked feigning ignorance.

“I know my son is gay. He’s 23 years old, very good looking and has never once had a girlfriend. I don’t know why he feels he has to hide it; I have always made it clear to him that he could tell me anything and I would love him no matter what.”

“I wish my Mama felt that way.”

Casandra tried but failed in her attempt not to frown when I mentioned Mama.

“You cannot not be who you are because of what you mama thinks. She will either come around or not, but you have got to live your life for you. Now as for your friend, how can we help him?”

“If Riley isn’t going to stay over tonight, could he please sleep over tonight?”

“It shouldn’t be a problem; I would have to run it by James. Now, you swear that there is nothing between you two, because I am not trying to facilitate no hook up between two teenagers.”

“Come on Casandra.”

“Hey, I was seventeen once.”

“I swear, there is nothing like that going on.”

“Nothing like what?” asked Donny returning to the table.

“Never mind, Baby,” said Casandra. “Would you like some more pizza.”

“No thank you, I’m good” said Donny rubbing his stomach.

“I am going to run it by James, if it’s cool with him, you are welcome to spend the night, Donny.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.” He said looking relieved to not have to worry about where he would stay for the night.

“I’ll be right back, let me go talk to James.”

“She asked you if we were fucking?” asked Donny once Casandra was out of earshot.

“Yeah, but she’s not homophobic, she just doesn’t want any hook ups in her house.”

“You think your Dad is going to be cool?”

“If Casandra tells him she thinks it’s alright, he’s going to go along with it.”

“You boys ready?” asked Casandra

“Yes.” We both said.

“Alright then, let’s roll. Donny, Baby, you are welcome to spend the night and tomorrow, I am going to see what we can do to help you.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

“Baby, call me Miss Casandra, Ok.”

“Yes,” he said, “Thank you, Miss Casandra.”

On the drive back to Dad’s house, Donny reached over and grabbed my hand. I didn’t know what it meant; I just knew that it felt right.

“Yo, Quin, you awake?” asked Donny sitting on the side of my bed.

“I am now,” I said. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted thank you for looking out for me.”

“Donny, you’re my boy. You don’t have to thank me.”

“But I want to.” He said reaching under the covers and feeling my dick.

“Donny_” I couldn’t say anything else; his head was under the cover sucking my dick like a hungry baby does his bottle. I should have made him stop. I didn’t want to lie to Casandra, but he had me feeling some shit I’d never felt before, and I was loving it.

I placed the pillow over my mouth to drown out my moaning. He put his middle finger in my ass. It was the first time that anything other than tissue and a wash rag had been there. I didn’t really like that, but his sucking my dick made it bearable.

“You ready to get this ass?” He whispered, still holding my raging hard cock in his hand.

I nodded, even though I didn’t have a real clue about what to do. I was still a virgin and had never seen any type of pornography.

Donny stripped off his boxers and mounted me. As soon as my dick head made contact with his hot, tight ass, I shot my load, flooding Donny.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized. “I’ve never_”

“It’s ok.” He said. “You think you can handle me.”

“I don’t know.” I said fondling the long thick rod between his legs. “I’ve never been fucked before.”

“Why don’t we just do this?” He said lying on top of me and grinding his dick against mine. His hard cock head rubbing against mine, combined with his sucking on my neck had me damn near about to bite my tongue in two to keep the scream that wanted to come out of me in.

I felt his nut spurt out and ooze down the shaft of my dick and puddle around my balls. He kept grinding until my second nut shot forth.

“You like that?” He asked.

“I loved it.”

“Good.” He kissed my lips then got up and went to the guest bed.

It took me a few minutes to gather myself together before I got out of bed, pulled on my boxers and went to the bathroom to wash the cum from my crotch.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I had just had sex, well, I had just been extremely sexual with another male. I didn’t feel like a faggot or something evil. I was still Qunitavius Reed and it felt good.

Chapter Seven

“I am so sorry, Baby.” Apologized Casandra to Donny who looked as if he had just been beaten into submission. Verbally, he had been.

Casandra took him by his mother, Sister Maginot’s house to reason with her that the last place a 17-year old black boy needed to be was homeless in Murfreesboro North Carolina. Sister Maginot made it clear that as long as Donny chose to be a an unclean, Devil serving faggot, he was not welcomed in her home and she had washed her hands a dusted her feet of him.

“You don’t have to apologize for nothing Miss Casandra. Could you please put me out here, I would like to be alone for a little while?”

“I usually have dinner ready at six, you come on back tonight okay.”

“Thank you.” He said somberly as he got out of the car and walked towards Riverside park.

“I hate I subjected him to that, I just thought woman to woman, mother to mother I could get through to her.”

“Now you see why I don’t tell my Mama.” I said

“I don’t think Keeysha would be that extreme.”

“She just won’t come from a biblical perspective.”

“I really think your Mama’s animosity comes from her thinking you are keeping something away from her. She knows you’re gay, Quintavius. Based on the conversations I’ve heard from James, she’s just worried that you aren’t telling her because you’ve got something going on with some older white man.”

“Oh, Goddamn,” I sighed. “I am so sorry I cursed around you, Casandra, but she told Daddy that foolishness?”

“Yes, and your Dad fussed her out, and I had to intervene, and I promised both of them that I would talk to you and get you to talk to them.”

“Thank you, Casandra for always being the adult in the room.”

“It’s not always easy, Baby. You are blessed though, your Mama and Daddy both love you, regardless of how damn crazy they act towards each other. They just want to know what’s going on. Now, depending on how far you want to go in the conversation, you might want to wait a couple of days and use some tooth paste to hide that hickey your “friend” left on your neck.”

Damn, I hadn’t even realized with all the sucking Donny had did on my neck that there would be a hickey.

“Casandra, I swear…”

“Don’t even fix your mouth to lie,” she smiled “I told you, I was 17 once.”

Chapter Eight

My heart sank, the Thespian Theatre’s production of “CATS” was being put on an indefinite hiatus until they could find another director and, as I assumed until enough time for the scandal to pass. Mr. Reirdan had sent several inappropriate pictures of himself to three teen white boys who attended local private school. A search of his cell phone and computer had uncovered several images of naked pre-teen and teen aged boys of various races. To make matters worse, there was a video of him performing oral sex on a young black male floating around the internet.

I had the misfortune of seeing the disturbing video that had been recorded by someone in the Murfreesboro McDonald’s parking lot. Reirdan’s head disappeared into the lap of the young man on the passenger’s side of his car and bobbed up and down for several minutes until the boy’s body shook and bucked. He then rode around to the drive through and ordered food for the young man and paid for it. The young man exited the vehicle and Reirdan drove away. The young man walked right into direct view of the recorder’s cellphone revealing beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was my best friend, Donny Maginot.

It had been a week since I’d seen or heard from Donny. He had not returned to Dad and Casandra’s despite the invitation. He did not return any of my calls or texts. I figured he was laying low out of shame.

Really, he had nothing to be ashamed of, the ones who should have been ashamed are Sister Maginot for kicking her son out of the house and Mr. Reirdan for taking advantage of a homeless minor. I was disgusted with the both of them.

“Did that white man say or do anything inappropriate to you?” asked Mama when I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

“No, Mama.” I said

“Are you sure. It’s not your place to protect him. Even if you enjoyed it or he gave you money or something, he’s still wrong and his ass needs to be punished for it.”

“Goddamnit Mama! I said no!”

Mama stopped stirring the cheese sauce in the pot of Kraft Deluxe. Her eyes narrowed to slits.

“Who the hell are you talking to like that?”

“I am not going to do this” I said turning to leave, Mama grabbed me by my arm and forced me to sit down at the table.

“Listen to me; Listen! I am not asking you these things to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself for whatever your sexual preference is. I am asking you these things because I love you and don’t want anybody to ever get away with taking advantage of you. And I want the law to handle it before James does. He gets on my nerves, but I don’t want him locked up for killing that white mother fucker.”

“Mama, I swear to you, that Mr. Reirdan never said or did anything inappropriate to me. I don’t know if he had it in his mind to do so, but it never happened.”

“Good, because I don’t want you out here like your friend Donny being some trifling faggot tricking dick and ass.”

“Mama, if you were to kick me out of this house, and I didn’t have Dad and Casandra to fall back on, do you realize that I would have to do stuff like that to survive? Donny’s Mama threw him to the wolves. I am not going to lie, I snuck him in a few times because I didn’t want him to have to do stuff like that for a place to stay or something to eat.”

“I am sorry, I didn’t know it was that bad. People were saying shit like his Mama threw him out because she caught him watching videos of little boys, others were saying she caught him in her house having sex with a grown man, then some said she caught him messing with a young boy, I didn’t know what to believe, I just didn’t want you to be caught up in it.”

“None of that was true. Sister Maginot confirmed to Casandra and me the same thing that Donny had told me: she had caught him masturbating to gay porn.”

“That is all?”

“I swear that is all, you can ask Casandra if you don’t believe me, or you can go ask Sister Maginot, she has no problem telling everybody.”

Tears filled Mama’s eye

“That poor baby; where is he?”

“I don’t know, he won’t return my text or my calls.”

“Lord, I hope he’s alright. Between these homophobes, the police, and all these sick ass sexual predators it’s not safe for that boy to be out there like that.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. “I will never put you out there like that; you hear me?”

Tears were pouring down my face. For the first time in a long time, I was able to talk to my Mama, not argue with her, and for the first time, I was able to hear her, and I was able to understand that she loved me.

There was a knock at the door. Mama ran to answer it. She returned to the kitchen followed by Dad, Casandra, and Riley. Casandra had clearly been crying, Riley had his head hung down and Dad looked as if he was searching for the right words to say something he really didn’t want to say.

“Umm…Cameron is asleep in the car,” He began awkwardly. “Son, I am so sorry, but they found your friend’s body in the Meherrin River. Some boys found it floating there when they were fishing.”

“What!?” I bolted to my feet , felt dizzy and nearly collapsed but Mama, Dad, and Casandra all held me up , all hugged me as I cried for my best friend who was dead because he did not have what I had , grown people in his life who loved him unconditionally.

Once my crying ceased, Daddy went out to the car to check on Cameron. Riley stood close by Me, Mama and Casandra looking lost and confused.

“How is Sister Maginot?” asked Mama

“Girl, I went over to see her, and it took everything in my soul not to cuss her out, especially when she started crying and asking Donny to forgive her. I just hugged her and stayed by her until she calmed down and her family came over.”

“I can imagine that she feels like shit. Ain’t nothing in the world would ever make me throw mine away.”

“I know that’s right Keeysha.” Said Casandra. “Ain’t nothing neither one of my children can ever tell me to make me throw them away.” She looked directly at Riley. “Being gay is not the worst thing in the world and I would never want one of mine to think that death is a better option than being what he is.”

“Ma.” Riley began. I squeezed his hand to give him the support and encouragement that he needed. “Ma, I’m that way. I am gay.”

He fell to his knees and cried. I knew that those were tears of relief. After all those years of hiding, he was finally able to say it out loud, to own it, to be it, and he was surrounded with love and security.

The End

Happy Pride Everyone!! Thank you all so much for reading my work. I felt it important to share this story this month because , queer people have come so far in the 21st century yet, there is still a long way to go. Let us never forget that there are still young people out there like Donny Maginot , who are persecuted just for daring to be themselves and there are far too many like Quintavius who suppress themselves out of fear of persecution .