Sam and Toby

Sam opened the door and stepped inside. He recognized some people, but many more were strangers. He figured they were more Toby’s family than anything else. He scanned the room, his six-foot four-inch frame making it easy to look over or around most heads in the apartment. It’s hot, he thought; too many heat creating bodies in a small space. He saw Robert and Toby’s brother, Taylor, as well as Chris and Doug. He saw someone that looked like an older version of Toby and Taylor. Knowing Toby’s dad had died, he assumed it might have been their uncle? He was quite handsome. For a brief moment, Sam’s mind moved from finding Toby to this new man. 

Refocusing his intent, Sam turned away from the new, handsome man that reminded him of Toby, and searched for the man of the hour. He moved to the table, dropping his gift there with the others. 

“Hey Sam” he heard. He turned and saw Mieko. 

“Hey Mieko” he said, unaware of Mieko’s deep desire to be his girlfriend. The past couple of years Sam’s mental fortitude and awareness had vastly improved.

“There’s a lot of people here” she said. “Have you seen Toby?”

“Not yet. I just got here” he replied, still scanning the room.

“He’s in the kitchen last time I saw them. With Lisa.”

Sam stomach sank. With Lisa, he thought. Jealously filled his insides, anger creeping in filling him almost fully and instantly.

“OK. Thanks” he said, walking away leaving Mieko sulking like he did so many times in the past year. He walked into the kitchen and saw no one he knew. Eyes straining, he looked through the sliding glass door onto the patio. He saw Toby’s handsome face outside. Along with Lisa. He stretched onto his tippy toes, making himself more visible. That caught Toby’s attention and he turned, eyes locking with each other. Toby smiled. Sam’s heart skipped a beat, disseminating the anger he had earlier. Toby threw up his hand in a wave. Sam did the same and stepped towards his direction, trying to make through the people. Then Sam saw a hand reach up and grab Toby’s, pulling it down and turning him around, facing away from Sam. In a slow-motion action, Toby’s glee turned to dismay as Lisa pulled him away and towards her friends in which they were sharing the patio.

Eagle eyed as she is, she had seen Sam earlier and made sure she had Toby’s full attention at all times. She had zero use for Sam. And she wanted to ensure Toby spent as much time with her, and as such less time with Sam, as humanly possible. For all of Sam’s mental immaturity, he knew this for a fact. 

Sam’s smile disappeared as Toby’s back was turned towards him. He stopped his forward momentum - stalled in the kitchen. He watched Lisa pull Toby away and into the circle of Lisa’s friends. Sam heart sank, allowing anger to fill back in.

“I don’t like her” Mieko said from Sam’s right side, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. “She’s too possessive. She has kept him out there for the past thirty minutes. He hasn’t even got to the gift table yet.”

“Yeah” Sam said. He turned and hastily headed towards the door, leaving the apartment.

When Lisa arrived – hours ago – Toby tried to show excitement, but he couldn’t. He wished Sam would have shown up before Lisa. This way they could have had some time together before Lisa arrived and, inevitably, took over. Like she does. 

“Hey baby” Lisa said, grabbing Toby’s hand.

“Hey” Toby said, unexcitedly.

“Well, don’t sound too excited!”

“Sorry. I was hoping Sam would be here early – he lives so close.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Sam Sam Sam… that’s all I hear. You spend too much time with him, anyways. You have me now. You don’t need him!”

“Sam’s my bestie, babe” Toby said.

“Oh…” Lisa said, frowning. “I thought I was your bestie?” She sat you his lap seductively. Over the past couple of weeks Lisa had been sexually advancing with Toby. And Toby wasn’t having any of it. He pushed her away more than once, much to her chagrin. 

Toby forced a smile, leaned up and kissed Lisa. He knew this would appease her for the time being.

Over the next thirty minutes or so, people trickled in – both friends and family. Each time he heard the door open, his heart stopped, expecting to see Sam. When he didn’t, his heart sank a bit. 

Lisa eventually pushed Toby out to the patio with her friends. She knew that was the furthest area from the front door she could muster. Toby feigned interest in Lisa’s friends, while he anxiously waited for Sam to arrive, more than once being caught by Lisa looking back towards the apartment. Lisa thanked God it was nice outside – it made her manipulation easier.

Toby listened to Lisa and her friends’ stories as best he could. Nothing her friends spoke about held any interest for Toby. He wondered how he allowed himself to get into this situation while he smiled and nodded. The nod was to placate Lisa’s friends, and the smile was because he was thinking about Sam’s eyes. Those beautiful, blue eyes…

Something caught his attention. He snapped out of the daydream and focused on the tall, pale thing, standing a head over everyone else in the kitchen. It was Sam! Toby’s heart skipped more than one beat. He hasn’t seen Sam in three days! Texting wasn’t the same as physical, face-to-face contact. Especially when it came to Sam. Toby needed to be in Sam’s presence as much as possible; feel his energy, smell his smell. Well, he didn’t really thing that, he just listened to his ‘feelings’, but that’s what his feelings were trying to tell him. When he wasn’t around Sam, it felt… wrong; like he was missing something he needed. 

Normally, Toby tried to squash these types of thoughts about Sam. But it’s been three days! There was no way he could suppress these feelings today. Three days is almost the limit of the amount of time Sam and Toby have spent apart since the first day they met!

Toby threw his hand up, trying to catch Sam’s attention. It worked! Sam smiled and did the same thing. Toby watched Sam take a step or two towards him when he felt someone grab his hand and pull it down. It seemed like slow motion to him as Lisa pulled his arm down, and turned him around. He was sure she was saying something, but all he could hear is his heart beating hard in his ears. As his body turned, his head tried to remain stationary. He watched Sam’s smile fade and his hand fall. A look came across Sam’s face. It was utter sadness – something he’s never seen from Sam before. As he felt his body being pulled around, he looked over to Lisa – her mouth was moving but he couldn’t hear what she was saying. Like a direct ignite lighter, he flushed with anger. He felt hot. What the fuck is she doing, he thought! He thought it so loud it sounded like he screamed it, but it was all internal. He looked back and Sam was gone.

“What are you doing?” he yelled, jerking his arm from Lisa’s grasp.

“Babe! Sara’s telling us about her vacation!” Lisa said.

“I don’t give a fuck” he growled in her ear. Lisa’s friends gasped – their eyes wide as saucers. 

“What?!?” Lisa said, honestly shocked. Toby’s never used that word around her, much less ‘to’ her.

Toby stood there, somewhat surprised in what he said. He wanted to see Sam and didn’t give a rat’s ass about Lisa’s friends – or Lisa, he admitted to himself.

“Sorry. I gotta’ go” he said before turning around and darting through the sliding glass door, leaving Lisa and her friends alone outside.

Toby smiled as he pushed through his family. He spotted Mieko.

“Hey! Did I see Sam?” he asked, somewhat out of breath.

“Yeah. But he just turned around and left as soon as he came in” she replied.

Toby sighed, his big brown eyes glassing over.

“Did he say where he was going? Is he coming back?”

“Don’t know. I told him you guys were in the kitchen and he started that way, then stopped, and just bolted right out the front door. He didn’t say anything. He looked upset.”

“Do me a favor. If anyone is looking for me tell them I’ll be back in a couple minutes?”

“Sure” she said.

“Thanks Mieko!”

Sam stood in front of his mirror. He studied his perfectly styled hair, his pressed shirt and his face, now red instead of pale. His blue eyes looked deep into their reflection. Why does he put up with her, he wondered, his chest and shoulders heaving as he inhaled and exhaled? He reached over and started his playlist from his phone and dropped on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Sam is a good, nice guy, but he really disliked Lisa. For many reasons. He’d noticed Lisa’s advances towards Toby in the past few weeks. And he knows that Toby had already slept with a girl before he moved here. He put two and two together and assumed Toby and Lisa were sleeping together – or had at least once. It turned his stomach. He knew he liked Toby – he’s admitted that to himself. But he never did ‘anything’ to advance their relationship. He wondered if that was a good idea or not. Maybe, instead of acting on it, he should have just told him how he feels? He gritted his teeth as he’d had this conversation with himself so many times, he’d lost track. And he never got a good answer.

Laying there, thinking, he heard the front door open and close. Great, mom’s home, he thought. He’s been good at hiding his feelings for Toby from anyone so he had to collect himself so his mom wouldn’t think something’s wrong. She’d be right, but he didn’t want to deal with this with her at this time. Still on his bed, he tried to ‘man up’. His bedroom door opened, and he looked over, expecting to see his mom. It was Toby.

“Hey” Toby said.

“Oh. Hey” Sam muttered, sitting up.

“Why did you leave?” Toby asked.

Sam’s body bounced on his bed when an unexpected laugh escaped him. Surely, Toby knew why. 

“Nothing. I left your gift on the table with the others” he said, turning away from Toby.

“Why didn’t you stay? There’s some pizza, soda… Mom even got a cake. Red velvet just like we like.”

“Nah. It’s ok. I saw you were… busy.”

“I’m never too busy for my Bud!” he said, sitting down next to Sam on the bed. Sam would have been excited to have Toby next to him on the bed, if he wasn’t so mad. No, not mad. Hurt. Sam felt his heart rate increase, but it wasn’t the same as when Toby’s normally next to him.

“Yeah, well, it looked like Lisa had other thoughts on that” Sam said, obnoxiously. Normally, Sam thinks long and hard before he says things, but this time, it just ‘came out’. Toby sighed.

“Well, we’re dating Sam. Guys spend more time with their girlfriends than their boyfriends…. boy – friends…” Toby made sure he made the verbal correction so Sam would know he meant friends that are boys, not boyfriends. “…when they’re dating a girl.” Sam huffed in disapproval.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be dating Lisa at all” Sam said, under his breath.

Toby jumped up. “Why are you so jealous, Sam? It’s not like we’re…. like we’re…. “

“Like we’re what?” Sam said, jumping up, facing Sam. “Dating?! Oh no, that would be so wrong, right!” Sam yelled. Toby took a step back. He’s never seen Sam mad before and it was a bit intimidating. 

“No, Sam. We’re not dating. We’re dudes. Dudes don’t date!”

“Oh, is that what ‘Lisa’ says? Is that her goddie two-shoes Christianity rubbing off on you?”

“What?!? No!” Toby said, somewhat dumbfounded in what was happening. In the past couple of years, they’ve never had such a disagreement. 

“Yeah, right!” Sam replied.

“What?” Toby yelled, then lowering his voice, he said “You want us to date? Is that what you want, Sam?”

Toby reached up and grabbed Sam face and pulled it to his. Their lips met. 

For both boys, time seemed to stop; their lips seemed locked together for hours, when it was merely a second – maybe two. 

Toby pulled back, Sam’s face still in his hands. He studied Sam’s face – a face that was moments ago angry was now, simply there, staring back at him with those blue eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes, glistening. Toby rubbed his thumbs over Sam’s chin, feeling the stubble that was there. He’s so beautiful, he thought. Toby felt something inside. He wasn’t sure what it was, just that it felt ‘right’.

Sam stood there, looking into Toby’s brown eyes, his long lashes seemed to be something Sam hadn’t noticed before. Sam’s heart, which was previously beating hard from anger, was now beating hard due to pleasure. He’d never kissed someone before. He realized this was his ‘first kiss’. And it took his breath away – literally. Sam had an upswelling sensation that seemed to emanate from his core, throughout his entire body. His long arms, that hung down to his side, seemed to tingle.

God, what just happened, Toby thought? Why can’t I remove my hands, he thought? His heart, which was beating fast before, seemed to jump to hyper-drive, fluttering like a hummingbird’s. He felt weak, yet powerful, controlling yet submissive. What do I do now, he thought? 

Instinct took over, and Toby pulled Sam to him again, their lips meeting. This time, neither pulled away. Sam’s lips were softer than they looked, Toby thought. The sensation was familiar, yet different. Sam’s soft lips felt amazing and warm, their lip stubble scratched loudly Toby’s lips fought for control. He tilted Sam’s head slightly and pushed his tongue inside his mouth. He heard Sam inhale deeply as his tongue explored its foreign environment.

When Toby’s lips touched his lips the first time, it took Sam by surprise. But this second time, his desire – long hidden – came to life. He kissed back. He didn’t care if he was good at it or not, he just didn’t want it to end. His mind was wondering on what to do next when Toby pushed his head aside. Then he felt Toby’s tongue in his mouth. He groaned into Toby’s mouth as Toby’s tongue filled his mouth. It tasted wonderful! His heart seemed to stop as all bodily sensations focused on Toby’s tongue. Toby pulled away, their lips parting with a wet, yet quick ‘smack’. Toby rested his forehead on Sam’s chin. Both boys started breathing again, deeply, Toby slowly let his hands fall from Sam’s face to his shoulders, then sliding down to his chest.

“I needed that” Toby said in a whisper.

“Me, too” Sam replied.

“You smell read good” Toby said. He felt Sam’s arms envelope him, pulling him closer. He let it happen. His body stirred when it touched Sam’s, feeling Sam’s heat, smelling his scent. Toby seemed to melt into Sam. Toby snapped himself out of it and pulled away.

“Sam… I…” he started to say before looking to, and getting lost, in Sam’s captivating blue eyes – like none he’s ever seen before.

Toby dropped on the bed, Sam sat next to him. They sat there, not knowing what to say to each other. Finally, Sam broke the tension.

“Well, that was unexpected!” Both boys chuckled.

“Totally” Toby replied.

“What… what does it mean?” Sam asked.

Toby felt Sam looking at him. His mind swirled. For a couple years he’s been battling his feelings for Sam. He often wondered what they were: man-crush, just BFFs, a phase…? 

“I don’t know, Sammy. I just know…” he looked over to Sam. “…it felt right.”

“Yeah?” Sam smiled.

“Yes” Toby replied, quietly laughing. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long, long time.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“I just… I just wasn’t sure what I wanted, ya’ know?”

Sam smiled. “Kinda’. But I know I’ve wanted you for a long, long time, myself.”

“Yeah, I kinda’ knew that” Toby said.

“So, now what?” Sam asked.

Toby leaned in, Sam met him halfway. Their lips met, again. But this time, it was an innocent, quick kiss.

“I’m not sure” Toby said.