Pain

Should I go in? I have no friends, so I couldn't stay with a comforting friend. I held by bloody arm. 'What luck I have' I mumbled. I tried to see if I could get back up. But, I couldn't. I stood there...motionless.....lifeless....hopeless...I backed up against a scrawny tree behind me. I had always sat up on this tree anytime my father beat me. The most recent beating was 1 week ago. I had come home and did my homework. Being a Junior in high school I was loaded down with as much homework as possible. However, I had forgotten my dad yelled at me to get more groceries. Heading to my desk, I took out my crapload of homework and a thin, yellow, glistening pencil; letting the soft, pointed tip run along the white, black printed paper. After finishing my homework, I started up my computer. The blue screen popped up. Clicking 'Ctrl, Alt, Delete' I typed 'BrianS, *****' the computer loaded my settings. I clicked on the 'E' (internet). On the search bar I visited my AOL. DING *you have a new message*. I opened it up. It was from my school, it read 'Your child is being recommended for guidance.....BLAH BLAH BLAH.' I froze as I hear my name.

'BRIAN!! MY FOOD ISN'T HERE!!!' My father kicked the door open. His large, tan hand gripped around my neck as he slammed me into the bathroom door. 'YOU ARE DOING BAD IN SCHOOL? YOU ARE LAZY AS SHIT!' My father screamed as he pinched my ear. 'FUCKING QUEER!' My father screamed as he kicked me in my gut. I yelped in pain as he punched my face, tears spilled down my face. With blood dripping down my face he punched my wall, leaving a dent.

Tears spilled down my face, from pain. Not only from my arm, but from inside me it hurt. I felt I had no need in this world. I heard a close, hungry growl from behind me. I was instantly paralyzed. Then, I heard an echoing, spine chilling, bark. I jumped up and ran into the forest. I know, a wolf is about to eat me and I run into where he lives, but I had no where else to go. The loud barking came closer and closer, I knew this was it for me. All of a sudden, I heard another, more powerful bark. Only this one wasn't at me, but at the wolf chasing me.

I slowed; falling to the ground, and heard the two dogs biting, clawing, and snapping at each other. Turning around, I saw the wolf that had, defended me? He was male because of his fierce bark. His golden fur glistened under the perfect full moon. The other wolf was black, with yellow teeth, messy, and obviously dirty fur. The golden wolf gave one last bite at the black wolf and the black wolf fled. The black wolf's eyes had hatred in them. However, when the golden wolf looked back at me on the ground, he had a compassionate, maybe loving? Look in his eyes, it was odd considering he was a wolf and not a human. Then, he ran off into the forest; his golden fur still straight, untouched.

What the fuck just happened?! I thought. I sat still on the ground, thinking I was crazy, I was hallucinating. But, to my surprise, I wasn't. Hesitantly I got up off the ground, still thinking I had finally lost it. Cautiously, I walked back to my yard. I heard a sudden crash of glass which startled me. I looked into my window of my room to see the shadow of my father with his hand curled into a fist. Oh shit, I thought to myself. I had to eventually go inside to face my father, but I couldn't; I had faced enough pain, and confusion already. I walked cautiously and hesitantly to the door. Slowly, I knocked on the door, it swung open. Pulled in by my neck by my father, I stood face-to-face with his beat red face. 'Where the fuck have you been?!' He loudly and angrily questioned. 'I...I...I...' I stumbled. He kneed' my gut. I winced in pain, 'ANSWER ME!' He yelled. 'I...jumped out the.....window...' I mumbled, he punched me in my face, as I whimpered. 'SO....YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE AND LIVE HAPPY?! HUH? HUH?! WELL NO!!' He screamed in my ear. My father then pushed me to the stairs. 'Fucking gay bastard...' my father mumbled. Trudging upstairs, I saw what he had broken, and I was torn. My father had broken my computer, my desk, and...my picture of my third birthday. I was young, and my mother had taken the picture. I kept it because...it was the last time I was happy. I sobbed, and curled into a ball under my sheets. I finally wanted to disappear from the world.

I had no reason to stay alive. No one cared for me. Even my family had stopped checking on me when I was 6. I only had one friend; his name is Curt. Every year he left to visit his family in the spring, so I was all alone. I remember the day he left...

'Hey Brian!' Curt shouted from across the parking lot.

'Oh, hey Curt!' I shouted back in reply. Curt ran up to me.

'Brian, I'm leaving to visit my family in Maine again.' Curt said quietly.

'Oh...' I replied softly.

'I don't have to go Brian...' Curt replied sadly.

'No, go visit your family; I'll be fine, really.' I replied, trying to sound supportive.

'Ok, if you say so.' He said uneasily. Curt never liked leaving to visit his family; he always wanted to just comfort me. Especially when my father would beat me. Curt was also the only person who knew I was gay. So I would talk to him about that.

Why was I so stupid to say I'll be fine? Obviously, I'm miserable. Shaking hysterically, I walked to the bathroom slowly. In the doorway, the thoughts flooded back in. Why should I live anyway? Still shaking I picked up the razor and walked back to my bed. I clutched the razor hardly and cuts formed, deep cuts. I lie in my bed still clutching the razor, and fell asleep. Hoping I would finally disappear so I couldn't have to handle this pain anymore.

I awoke the next morning and looked hesitantly to the alarm clock. '8:00 AM' It read. I wasn't going to school anyway today. I was too weak. I looked at my hand, now coated in blood. There were two blood stains the size of books on my bed. I shakily got up. My knees buckled for support to walk to the bathroom.

After what seemed like hours I made it to the bathroom. I looked up at the mirror to see bloodshot eyes and a pale face. I groaned. Maybe I just needed some sleep, I thought. I walked back to my bed, curled into a ball and fell asleep.

I awoke to sounds of Jake talking to my father. I looked at the alarm clock, it read: 4:00 PM, Thursday. HOLY SHIT, I thought. I had slept for two days! I heard footsteps get louder as they got closer and closer to my room. Looking at the doorway I saw Jake.

'Hi Brian.' Jake said. I smiled in reply.

'I was just wondering if you....WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS?' Jake said, his eyes looking terrified.

'I'll call the hospital.' Jake said taking out his phone. I watched as his giant fingers pushed the buttons to dial '911.'

'Hi, my friend has lost a lot of blood and he needs help.' Obviously, he had seen my hands covered in blood, and the blood stains. Telling the 9-1-1 answerer my address he rushed over to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

'What happened Brian.' Jake said scared into my ear.

'I...I...I held a blade...' I replied ashamed in a soft voice. This made Jake even more scared.

'But why? Why Brian? Why would you do something like that?' Jake said louder and now more terrified.

'I thought...that...no one cared for me...' I replied shakily.

'But I care for you Brian...I do...' Jake said hugging me tighter.

I heard sirens outside the house. Three men burst into my room. One of them pulled me onto a stretcher. The other two carried me downstairs. When I made it to the emergency van they checked my pulse. I knew it had slowed. Slowly I fainted from loss of blood.

Once I 're-awoke' I was in a hospital room. Two separate doctors were working on my bloody hand and cut arm.

When they had finished on my arm a nurse wheeled me out to the waiting room. Jake ran up to me in tears and pulled me in for a hug. Then, he softly turned his head and kissed me fully on the lips. His soft, warm red lips comforted me as his arms wrapped around me. My part muscular arms wrapped around his tan, smooth body. As he broke our kiss he hugged me tighter.

'I love you Brian.' Jake whispered in my ear.

'I love you too Jake.' I whispered in reply in his ear. As the nurse explained that I was to be kept in the hospital for three more days, he nodded. Then to my surprise the nurse said not to worry about paying because it was debited out of my fathers account. The hospital had a weird kind of plan that worked that way, so I sighed in relief. I now had someone who cared for me, who loved me, who I had fantasized about for a while now. What more could a person want......