13th steppin

I've had struggles with relationships for a very long time. I spent a lot of wasted hours online on Grindr and desperately trying to hook up. Mentally and emotionally, it wrecked me. Consulting various resources, I found out that some of my problems were related to sex addiction. It includes problems with getting into and staying in relationships. Unknown to me was this entire community of sex addicts in recovery through a 12-step program, which is the same model as used for Alcoholics Anonymous.

I dug up the courage to go to my first in person meeting looking to get some help with depression and addiction to hook up sex. It was in a church and it was my first ever experience. I was so nervous. When I got there early, it was in a small room with lots of chairs in a big circle. There was an older gentleman who was the group leader and he welcomed me. Being so nervous, I only waved. He introduced himself as Bruce (pseudonym, and all people named will the same). I told him my name, "Hi, I'm Joe". He told me to sit whenever I want.

Slowly, people trickled into the meeting. I felt very out of place, because the majority of people in the room were much older than me. Right on the hour, the meeting started and Bruce read through a speech to guide the meeting. We got to the part where we had to introduce ourselves and Bruce started, "I'm Bruce, I'm a sex addict". Every other person followed the same and it got to me. I said, "I'm Joe, I'm new to this...I think I'm a sex addict." Everyone said, "Hi Joe" and some added, "Welcome to the meeting".

It felt so good, because it was the first time I felt welcomed anywhere. After me, it finally came to this one guy who introduced himself as "Dave, a sex addict". I looked at Dave and he looked younger than the rest of the guys, pretty close to my age. He was very cute, wearing a sports jacket, some loose jeans, and these red Converse chucks. He had this very cute brown-haired hairdo with a part in the middle. His fashion style reminded me of David Tennant from Doctor Who, which was kinda extra points in my book.

After going through a few other standard activities, we came to the special portion of the meeting. It was an in depth testimonial from a member about their experiences as a sex addict & being in recovery. Bruce then introduced Dave as the speaker.

Dave started talking about his personal experiences growing up. He started about how he discovered masturbation at a very young age and he became addicted. Growing up in a rural town, he said there was no porn magazines or internet when he first masturbated. The thing that got his rocks off was apparently finding women's underwear, whether it was in his own house, department store, etc. and he would jack off with it. Even though I was trying to be focused, him saying that got me rock hard. I felt uncomfortable sitting there and I kept adjusting my legs to hide my boner.

Dave then talked about how the internet arrived when he was a freshman in college and then he became out of control. He spent so much time downloading porn and spent a lot of time going on cam sites like Omegle and exposing himself to anyone who was interested. He definitely talked about how he liked women, but his addiction led him to stroke on cam and didn't care who would see him. It just kept making me harder and harder thinking about the idea that I could have seen Dave with his cock on cam.

He then talked about regretting how bad it got. He started to then having erotic fantasies about women in public and had urges to do things like groping girls on the train. By this point, Dave looked like he was gonna cry. I felt bad hearing about his confession, but I couldn't stop looking at how cute he was, how sensitive he was. He talked about how he spent years trying to control his sexual urges and how he abstained from porn, masturbation. He talked about how many times he failed. I couldn't stop looking at Dave, but at the same time I felt a bit ashamed at how badly I was crushing on this guy pouring his heart out.

Dave finished his talk and the meeting entered into a Q&A where people can ask the speaker any questions about recovery. I didn't work the nerve to say anything, but I definitely wanted to. After everyone shared, Bruce ended the meeting. Bruce then came to me directly afterwards and thanked me for coming and said, "Thanks, Brother, keep coming back." He then said, "Let me know introduce you to our new members outreach person, Dave." He pointed to him and Dave then came up to us. Bruce walked to talk to other people and Dave and I were just there...

Dave shook my hand and said, "I hope you liked your first meeting". I replied I did and then he said, "If you're looking for someone to chat with in between the meetings, I can give you my number." My heart nearly exploded. I tried to be as calm and replied, "Ok, cool, that would be great". I handed him my phone and he typed in his number. I then sent him a txt and he confirmed that he got it. After that, I went home after my first meeting, kinda feeling really good about myself.

In the initial few weeks, Dave and I would end up talking. I called Dave at night when I felt lonely and had the urge to hookup with random guys. Dave would tell me to try and hold off. He emotionally comforted me. For the most part, Dave was helping me and didn't really ask for my help in return.

I kept going back to meetings and Dave was almost always there. He always looked depressed and ashamed. He would talk a lot of his failure to abstain from masturbation. I would sit across from him and stared at him up and down, mentally undressing him...all except the red Converse shoes he wore to each meeting. I actually ended up wear my own Converse chucks to meeting, hoping that he'd comment about it, but he never did. I had this bad feeling that I was infatuated with this straight guy who would never like me.

Dave and I kept going to meetings. I actually went to different meeting locations and was surprised to see Dave there too. Although we talked well on the phone, I felt awkward talking to him face-to-face. Mainly because I thought he was so cute and way out of my league. Plus he was straight.

After one of the meetings, a person who regularly went invited both of us to go to a special event being held at this bar/restaurant. I had grown close to these guys in the meeting and welcomed the chance to socialize, but not feel the pressure to hook up. Dave didn't want to go, but I worked my magic and said, "Come on, Dave, go with us. If you feel uncomfortable or triggered, I'll leave with you, no problem." Dave agreed.

At the bar, we all had fun. It was like the first time I ever had someone buy me a drink, and believe it or not, it was a straight guy! The person who invited us didn't mind spending money on us, so we were being spoiled bad. Dave was nursing his drink and I looked at him, still that puppy dog sad face he always had. I grab his beer and swirled it around and told him, "It looks flat." Dave admitted that he wasn't a good drinker. I said, "It's ok, I'll finish it for me." Through the night, we all kept getting new drinks and I kept finishing Dave's drinks. Slowly, Dave loosened up and I would just keep staring at Dave while he talked. I was getting tipsy and his words blurred, but it didn't matter.

Dave then got up to take a piss. He was gone maybe 2 minutes, but it felt like forever. When I was finally silent with my own thoughts, I realized that my bladder was gonna explode. 5 drinks in, I probably should have taken a piss much sooner if I hadn't been preoccupied with Dave.

I went to the bathroom, slightly stumbling with my balance. When I got there, there was a row of urinals. It was empty...except for Dave standing at the very last urinal away from the door. He had his right hand on the wall and he stared off into space. At first, I unzipped and use the urinal on the opposite side, too scared to piss next to a guy. Even though I was pissing almost 15 secs in, I forced myself to stop, still unzippered, and walked over to the urinal next to Dave's. I resumed pissing and the loud stream was like background music. Dave still stared into the wall. This was the point where I became a perv. I looked over at Dave's crotch, being totally obvious and spied on his meat. To my surprise, Dave wasn't even pissing. He was rock hard and stroking himself. His dick looked so juicy. It wasn't super long, but it was thick, with a very thick head and wide shaft. He's slowly jerking off.

This was a gift from god, so I took my chance. I reached over and touched it. It felt moist like a combination of sweat and piss. I tug on it gently, unsure of how he would react. As i'm jerking him off, Dave finally looks over at me with his glazed over eyes. He knew who I was, but he didn't say anything. He just let me jerk his hard cock.

I finally finished letting the last of my piss out...but I still had Dave's cock in my other hand. I wanted to lean in and kissed Dave so bad. Then for whatever reason, my instinct was to get down my knees and start sucking him off. I did it for probably a minute, like I was trying to suck every drop of piss and cum out of him. He then pulled his cock of my mouth and zipped up. He went to wash his hands. I followed him to the sink to do the same. Dave never said one word while in there. He then left first to go back to the table. I waited in the bathroom for a minute before coming out too.

When we both sat at the table, we were even more awkwardly silent. The other guys didn't pay much attention to how long we were away in the bathroom, together. There was another offer for a drink, but I bowed out, realizing that any more meant I wouldn't be able to walk straight. As we concluded the night, we all walked to the train station together. Dave didn't give me any eye contact. I wanted to hold his hand so bad, because I had this cute, sensitive man with me.

When we got to the station, we ended up going in opposite directions. I stared at him from the upper plaform, he looked like the same sad guy he always is. I watched him get on the train and he never once looked up to see where i was. A minute later, my train came and my night out with Dave ended.