Life Isn't A Fairytale

Dad smiles and nods “Of course it is but don’t think that you need to be avoiding me, I’m not angry at you and I want to make sure that you know that” I look at Dads face and see the pain that he’s in about everything.

I hug him again “Do you want me to stay home tonight and we can have some time together again because it’s been a while since we’ve been able to do that”. I let Dad go from the hug and he replies “It’s fine, I need to go tonight because we’re heading out to the movies and I’ve been looking forward to actually going to see the Price of Pain even though it wouldn’t normally be something that I’d see.” I smile and know that it’s good Dad is getting out of the house because if it wasn’t some pretty heavy prodding early on he’d be sitting doing Jigsaw Puzzles or playing Mahjong on the computer.

Dad leaves the room as I take a long look at the jerseys that both Mum and Liam had gotten me and that picture of us all at Goodison and I just remember where we are all smiling and happy. I study the photo and look at the picture closely between Mum’s smile that always lit up the room and then the happiness that Liam had just being part of the family. It’s funny, I wanted to give Liam some space but now looking at the picture I can’t help but wanting just to hear his voice for even 30 seconds.

Liam isn’t perfect but he’s been my best friend since we were five, he was my protector when the bullies came at me in Primary school, he was the one who could always tell when I was upset about something without even having to know what had happened. I sit there thinking about whether I should try to contact him even though he told me directly not to.

In the end, I don’t bother to contact him because it’s what Liam wants and I need to trust him to do the right thing so I forget about it and head downstairs. I look at the clock and it says it’s only 4pm and still a few hours before I could even head to Josh’s. In the end, I sit and just talk with Dad about various and inane things about how he’s going at work which is good to hear because it feels like there is a normality coming back into life.

We talk for about an hour before Dad goes and gets ready to head to the Movies and Dinner, I ask him if he wants a ride down to the city but he says it’s fine because he is going to pick up a few friends on the way. He leaves and I’m sitting at home, I get out my phone and text Josh “Hey, I’m just going to stay home tonight, not feeling like heading out and just want some quiet time”. It’s only seconds before my phone buzzes and I see Josh’s name on it.

“Yeah no worries, I’m actually at the pub having a chat with Dan if you want to pop down and spend some time with us”. I sit there and weigh up my options on what I want to do, I don’t feel like much going out but at the same time with two of my close buds hanging out together, how can I say no?”

I text Josh back, “I’ll be there in about 20 minutes, just having a shower and get changed” I shower and can’t help but get hard knowing that a guy that I’ve dreamt about in Dan would be there with Josh who I’ve cuddled up with is going to be with him. I put the shower on cold and calm down before quickly getting dressed and heading to the pub.

I use the back entrance so that I can check the rosters on my way through, I see that other than Sunday night, I’ve got two afternoon shifts on Thursday and Friday which will be a good change of scene. I head from behind the bar out and see both Dan and Josh sitting at a booth, both wearing their Rugby singlets so their massive biceps stand out. I wander over and sit down next to Dan “what’s up boys?” I say sitting down.

Josh and Dan give me a fist bump each and I sit down and let them finish telling their stories. I can’t help but have my mind wandering to thinking about each of them and what fun they would be to be with fully and even just watching them together. Josh gets up and gets some drinks as Dan sits there looking at me “You given up on me and moved on to a more exotic model?” he laughs. I shake my head “Nothing like that, you’re just always busy at the gym so how could I not” I laugh as Dan rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I get that plus Josh is a really good guy and I’m glad he’s getting some mates from outside of the team for sure”. I nod along before Dan puts me on the spot “Is there something going on between you two that I should know about?”. I look across at Dan… “what are you talking about, we’re friends and that’s it”.

He just nods and gives me an unsatisfied “uh huh” and then talks about ordering dinner before Josh comes back with the drinks. “What are you two up to?” he says as he puts the drinks down on the table before looking at the menu. “Just catching up that’s all you know”. I haven’t been able to talk to Dan to fill him in on all the details with what is going on with Liam, so I’m a bit worried about what he is thinking about the friendship me and Josh are growing.

We sit and chat for a bit, before I head over to order the food that we all want, Dan wants the Lasagne special, Josh and I both have Fish with Sweet Potato Fries. I do the ordering because I use my staff discount plus Stacey takes some extra discount off so I’m only playing a third of the usual price that I would be normally or the people after me would be.

I keep glancing over to see if Josh and Dan are talking and try to get the sense of what they are talking about. It seems to be funny whatever it is and after a minute standing away and watching I wander back over with the table buzzer as they keep laughing about the first time Josh joined the team. I sit back down next to Dan and continue to finish my drink as we talk.

The night goes on quickly as we have fun before Josh excuses himself for the night and heads home leaving me and Dan sitting there and I can see that Dan is itching to probe my friendship with Josh a lot more. I finally bite “Alright… what is it? You look like you’ve wanted to say something all night but can’t do it”

Dan sits there looking at me “What? I mean I’m curious at how quickly you two have become friends but at the end of the day it’s none of my business unless you want to tell me”. I sigh “It’s a long story if you’ve got the time?”.

I feel Dan’s thick arm go around my shoulder “Of course I’ve got time for you Ben, you know that”. I sit there filling him in about everything that happened with Liam between the trashed apartment, him getting back into trouble and him leaving.

“That’s a lot to happen but I know you’ve probably heard this enough but you don’t need to worry about Liam at all, the only person that you need to be focusing on is you especially with graduation coming up very soon”. I sit there nodding “I know, that’s what Josh said to me about focussing on my own world and not letting Liam’s dramas become mine”.

“But this whole situation as got me feeling really weird because Liam was my first love I guess and my best friend, I just feel really conflicted about what I need to do and how to feel about things because on the one hand I still care about Liam so much and care about him and the little things remind me of how good things are well were between us”.  I sigh “But then Josh has been the person who I’ve been really able to open to and just feel connected to him and I guess that you could see that” I chuckle nervously.

Dan laughs “Yeah, it’s not hard to see that you have a connection between you two and you know that I can’t tell you what to do because ultimately only you know what to do at the end of the day and it doesn’t matter whether it’s Liam, Josh or somebody else, you’ll know when that person is right for you.

I sit there taking in Dan’s advice “I know that but it’s just that I feel a loyalty to Liam because of how long we’ve been friends and especially with everything that he’s going through that I need to be there for him”. Dan nods and before he goes to speak, I jump back in “I should do what’s right by me and still be a friend to Liam but whether that’s as more than friends I’m not 100% sure that I need to do it because of our past”.

Dan sits there looking at me “Just make sure you remember that alright, because you’re too good a person to be brought down by worrying about someone else who let’s admit is very troubled”. I nod and take everything he said in as he gets up “I’ve gotta go because I’m opening the gym at 5 tomorrow and I need to do some other stuff before I hit bed.

I give him a bro hug and tell him that I’ll see him soon as I keep sitting there, thinking about things. My mind is racing between now realising that as much as I care about Liam, I don’t know if I have the strength to keep going with all the dramas and being so connected to him. I finish my drink off and get in my car, I look at the time and see that Dad won’t be home for a while yet so I make a decision not to drive home straight away.