Andy's Little League Coach

Have you ever had the suspicion that someone in your family was gay? Maybe it was just a feeling, or perhaps it was something specific, such as noticing how he watched other guys. Perhaps it was the way he talked about other guys.

My little brother Andrew was called Andy by everyone, and when he was five, I noticed how he liked to hang out with the older men. He liked to sit in their laps. If the man happened to be hairy, he would say, “You’re like a Teddy Bear.” The men would laugh, and I would wonder. I kept the thoughts to myself, and I kept my eye on Andy.

Andy never confided in me any attraction to the men he seemed to flirt with. Maybe he was just playful, and none of it meant anything, but I grew more certain over the years.

I didn’t actually care whether Andy turned out to be gay. As I began to realize that I was gay, I secretly hoped he was, too. As I was entering my teenage years, it would be easier for me to come out if Andy came out first. Our parents were Baptists; although they weren’t the strictest, I knew from hearing them talk about Jack Warren, a kid who was discovered by his parents with another boy, that they wouldn’t be happy about it. I also knew they wouldn’t kick either one of us out. That still didn’t make me want to tell them until I had to.

With each day, each week, each month, each year, I made sure that Andy stayed safe. I worried that one day, one of the men he was so friendly with might take advantage of him, and I wasn’t going to let that happen. When Andy wanted to join the scouts, I joined, too. My best friend, Gordon, was glad when I did. I had hinted to him a few months earlier that I wasn’t feeling the same thing that the other guys were verbalizing about girls.

When I told him that I was worried that I might be turning gay, he rolled his eyes. “You don’t turn gay,” he said. “You just find out that you are. It’s not like you can do anything about it. I have a cousin who’s gay, so I’ve read all about it.”

I voiced my concern about being a scout and later finding out I was gay. “Benjamin, Benjamin, Benjamin. Let me tell you something, Bennie. There are no gay guys in the scouts. Until you go on a camping trip; then about a fourth of them are sucking off another fourth of them. The other half is wishing they were getting sucked off. The only thing you have to look out for are the scoutmasters, not the gay ones because those guys are just there to help the kids who realize they’re gay. It’s the guys who like to fuck little boys. I heard of a troupe in California that had a scoutmaster who fell into a ravine and died on a camp-out. Rumor says the other adults found out that he was trying to get into a cub scout’s pants, and they pushed him and claimed he fell accidentally. The scouts don’t care if you’re gay, but they’ll kill you if they find out you’re a pedophile.”

So, I joined without further hesitation. Andy and I went on one camp-out, and he bailed after that. He said that roughing it was ‘icky.’ I loved it. Watching the other guys in their uniforms made me admit to myself that I did prefer guys over girls, but I enjoyed the activities and the projects, I enjoyed leading the younger scouts, and I made it my goal to be an Eagle Scout by the time I graduated High School. I believe scouting led me to my career as a teacher.

Andy joined Little League when he was nine. I thought he developed his pitching skill naturally. He seemed to pick up on the techniques that his coaches taught him. I was impressed by his ability to stay focused during a game. He managed a high percentage of strike-outs while pitching. I also paid attention to his interactions with his teammates. He didn’t seem to favor anyone in particular nor did he seem especially close to any of his coaches.

I wondered whether my little brother might be straight after all. I was going to have to come out to my parents without his help. I hadn’t met anyone that I wanted to ‘date’ so coming out wasn’t imperative.

Three years later, my senior year arrived. I was busy with all the usual senior things as well as completing my eagle project of connecting two isolated parts of a nature trail with a bridge and walkway over an area that was often impassable when wet. I didn’t find the process too difficult, it was just time-consuming. I was able to get the donations for the project without any problems; I was confident in my success.

About halfway through the year, I went to pick up Andy from a practice session, and I saw him talking to a coach I’d not seen before. I estimated the guy to be in his early twenties. He was maybe an inch over six feet and seemed to have about one hundred seventy pounds of athletic muscle. Andy was talking to him, and I walked up to introduce myself.

“Oh, Coach Ethan, here’s my brother,” said Andy with enthusiasm.

Ethan, how I loved that name. Ethan. It had to be the sexiest name on the planet. The handsome, strong-jawed man who owned that name had the most beautiful powder blue eyes with just a touch of amethyst. He had a perfectly straight nose, and his ears were just a half-inch too small for his head. He was adorable. He smiled as I put my hand out. Beautiful lips and straight white teeth completed the picture of perfection.

He took my hand and gave me a firm shake.

“Benjamin Hastings.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Ben. Ethan Cromwell.”

Andy asked him a question. I don’t know what it was. He had called me Ben, the way an adult addresses another adult. He didn’t call me Benjie or Bennie. I looked down at his crotch; I’m not sure why I didn’t try to do it more discreetly. He saw me; I know he did, and I felt my face get hot when he raised one of his eyebrows.

“Will you be at Andy’s game tomorrow?”

“I’m going to try. I’ve got a project I’m trying to complete, and I want to get a certain part done and not miss the game.”

“I hope you’re able to. I look forward to seeing you again.” He winked at me. Andy didn’t see it because he was picking up his mitt.

“I’ll do my best,” I replied. I looked down at his crotch again. What the hell was the matter with me.

This time he smiled.

“Goodbye, Coach,” said Andy. He turned and practically pulled me away. He was hurrying to the car.

I turned back around and saw him walking away. It was the first time I saw an ass that I wanted to squeeze.

We got in the car, and I started it. I needed a moment to gather my thoughts before starting home.

“Oh, fuck me,” shouted Andy.

I knew the cursing would happen one day, but not now, not while I’m thinking of Coach Ethan.

“He has to be the most handsome man who ever walked the planet. Oh, Bennie, when he talks to me, he puts his hand on my shoulder. He’s handsome as fuck don’t you think? I bet guys just drop to their knees to suck his dick.”

I drew a deep breath. My little brother was talking about sucking the dick of the man that I was going to marry. “When did you start thinking about guys sucking dicks?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you that I’ve been thinking about dicks a lot lately.”

“So you aregay,” I said.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’ve suspected that you’re gay since you were about five years old.”

“The fuck you say.” My little brother cursed with ease.

“When did all this cussing come about?” I demanded the way a hypocritical adult would.

“Really, Benjie? You’ve been doing it for years. I’ve been doing it for years. All the guys on the team do it. So, grow up. And this from a guy who was staring at Coach Ethan’s dick. Think I didn’t notice?”

Fuck. I took a deep breath.

Andy turned to me and put his hand on my arm. “Sorry. That was mean. You like him, don’t you?”

Was I about to have a man to man with my little brother? “Yeah,” I told him. “I do. I’m not sure what it is, but I feel drawn to him.”

“You don’t know what it is? Benjamin Elijah Hastings, you are not an idiot. That man should be a model. He’s handsome; he’s got muscles in all the right places. He’s hot as shit, and he’s nice, too. I know I’m too young for him.”

“You think? You’re almost twelve; I’m eighteen, and I’m probably too young for him.”

“I bet he doesn’t think so. I saw the way he looked at you and talked to you. I bet he asks you out after the game tomorrow?”

I studied Andy’s face; he had a genuine look.

“Do you think he will?” I could even hear the uncertainty in my voice.

“Hell, yes, I think he will.” He laughed. “Besides, I’ve got a better chance with Chandler.”

“Who’s he?” I asked.

“He’s the backup catcher. And I wish he wanted to catch my dick with his ass.” Andy made an evil laugh.

“Are you sure you’re only twelve?”

“Will you buy me condoms and stuff if I need them?”

“Of course. Keeping you safe has always been important to me.” I looked over at him. “I love you, little brother.”

Andy smiled a goofy smile that told me he loved me, too; he just didn’t want to say it out loud.

“Do you want to come along to help me work on the bridge? That way I can be sure to be at the game the entire time. Maybe you can tell me more about Chandler, and I can help you scope it out.”

“I’ll give you an hour of free labor, then I need to do some math,” he sighed as though I were the only one getting something from his helping me. But we both knew better.

That night, after dinner, I went to my bathroom and showered the grime from working on the bridge. Andy and I had worked on it for almost two hours. The warm water felt good, and I lathered, rinsed, and toweled off. I slipped between the sheets of my bed with no clothes. A damp washcloth on the nightstand assured me that I was prepared.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head to the side. I pretended that Ethan Cromwell stood next to my bed in his coaching uniform. He slowly removed his clothing and got into bed next to me. He kissed me gently at first and then more passionately. His hand reached down to grab my hardening penis--only it was my hand. As I manipulated myself into full erection, I imagined his mouth on my cock. His tongue felt so good that I began to thrust into his mouth. “Oh, Ethan,” I muttered before shooting my load onto the sheets.

My hand still held my softening dick as my breathing slowed its pace. I smiled and sat up, grabbing the washcloth to clean up the evidence of our secret meeting. I rested my head on the pillow when I had finished. He had to ask me out on a date tomorrow; he just had to. I knew he would, and I listened to the wind swirl around the corner of the house as I drifted off to sleep.