Ancestral

Scandal

Winter had turned to spring. Mark and I had taken to walking along the shore together in our free time, and people had begun to notice. It was not greeted with kindly eyes and the town whispered of scandal, preparing to protect one of their own from the filth I was understood to represent.

One evening as we strolled in the moonlight, three police officers approached us. One of the officers took Mark and dragged him off to a group of women who seemed to be waiting on a nearby pier. The other two began to escort me back to the Hathaway. “What’s the problem officer?” I was genuinely perplexed. “We were just walking along the shore. Have we done something illegal?”

“Illegal, immoral, unnatural, take your pick.” He stopped and grabbed me by the throat. “I know what kind of scum you are, but this time you’ve gone too far.”

I couldn’t speak and I was having a hard time understanding what he was talking about. He let me go and continued leading me away from the shore. “Captain Carleton, well, he was old and lonely, and we all know what goes on during those long sea voyages. We could turn a blind eye there. And the Hathaway, we all know what goes on there too, but you keep the rich old perverts happy so they don’t bother our boys, we can overlook that as well, as long as you keep things discrete. But this is too much. One of our own innocent youth. This will not be tolerated.” He stopped again and stared menacingly into my eyes. “You will not be seeing him again. He has a future ahead of him if he can avoid the corrupting influence of trash like you.” The second officer hauled back and punched me hard in the gut. I crumpled to the ground and they stood over me for a moment smiling in satisfaction. The first officer picked me up and pushed me against a wall, once again threatening me with his eyes. “If I ever see you with him again you won’t be walking away. Understand?” I nodded. “And we might just have to take more of an interest in that ‘inn’ you call home. Get it?”

“Yes sir.” I knew better than to fightback. These guys may have been in uniform and official representatives of local law enforcement, but at the moment, they were nothing more than common bullies.

He threw me to the ground in the general direction of the Hathaway, and sneered, “Now get back to that whore house of yours. I don’t want to have to look at you. You disgust me.” Before I could even get up, they had both turned and left. I sat there for a moment trying to understand what had just happened. I was in pain, but it would pass. I was more worried about Mark. I knew it wouldn’t be safe to look for him at the Foster, so I decided to head home and see what Miss Beal had to say.

She listened quietly and shook her head. “I was afraid of this.”

“What? Why? We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Of course not,” she explained. “It’s the new mayor. He ran on a platform of moral decency and reform. I was wondering how long it would take for him to start paying attention to us.” She came out from behind her desk and started pacing around her office and muttering to herself. “How to minimize the damage…everyone already has a respectable cover, chamber maids, cooks, bell boy…” she gestured toward me.

“Miss Beal.” I interrupted her train of thought. “I’m worried about Mark; can we find out if he’s alright?”

She looked up suddenly. “Of course you are. Let me see.” She stuck her head out the door and called, “Sally, would you ask Mr. Peters to step into my office.” Then turning to me she said, “We’ll send a messenger over to inquire. Best you keep your distance for now.” After Mr. Peters had been apprised of the situation and hurried off to send someone out, Miss Beal turned a gentle eye to me and motioned for me to sit on one of the settees. She sat beside me and asked, “How long have you loved him?”

The question caught me totally off guard. “I...I don’t…”

“You don’t know yourself as well as you think you do.” She placed a hand on mine. “I could see it the first time you two met. You couldn't wait to get him alone, and he was in awe of you. I think he could only see the glamor of this life and had no clue of its drawbacks. And you…you have been so hurt. You don’t trust yourself. You think you're nothing. Maggie was good for you, rest her soul, but he’s even better. You can love him in ways you could never love Maggie. We’ll figure something out for the two of you.” She regarded me for a moment, then sent me off to my room. “You need some time to think. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything.”

It seemed hours. I worried that I would never see him again. The thought of that tore me open to my core. I could take being beaten up by thugs, God knows I’ve had plenty of experience with that. But to lose him…I couldn’t imagine life without him. It would be bleak and meaningless, a void. Over the last few months, we hadn’t really done anything unusual. We had gone for walks and eaten meals together. He had tried to teach me to knit, but I was hopeless, and we both just laughed about it. Mostly we just talked and enjoyed each other’s company. The policeman’s accusation that I was corrupting him was ridiculous. We had never had sex, in fact, we hardly ever talked about it, and when we did it was on the same level as when he told me about how his job was going. It wasn’t that I didn’t find him attractive, it was just that I didn’t really know how to share that part of me with someone I cared about. Despite all the men I had allowed to fuck me, I had never had sex with someone because I loved them. There was always a payoff of some sort, even with Captain Carleton. He was a nice old man and I liked him but being physical with him was how I paid the rent, nothing more.

A soft knock came on my door and Sally stuck her head in. “Miss Beal wants to see you.”

I practically ran to her office. “He sent you this,” and she handed me a small note.

It simply read, “I am fine, glad to hear you are too. Meet me at midnight behind Stutter’s barn.”

Miss Beal smiled at me. “We’ll make sure you get there safe,” and she winked.

Two of the groomsmen led me on a roundabout trek through the back woods, stopping periodically to listen for footsteps and rustling in the trees. The forest was dense, and it soon became clear that no one was following us. Perhaps the police just wanted to send a message tonight, and weren’t ready to pursue the matter further yet, but one could never be too careful. The groomsmen dropped me at Stutter’s barn a good half hour before midnight and left me to wait.

I had been thinking about Mark all the way and thinking about what Miss Beal had said. Could I be falling in love with him? Forget sex, I had never even kissed him. I may have loved Maggie, but I had never been in love with anyone. I wasn’t sure I could fall in love. I wasn’t sure what it would feel like. I heard a rustle in the trees, and saw a crouched figure dashing furtively from bush to bush, making his way towards me. I held my breath. It had to be Mark, but I waited until he got close enough for me to be able to recognize him before I made my presence known.

When I stood up and waved him to me, he took a quick look around and made a last mad dash, throwing his arms around me and pulling me in tight. Then still holding me, he said, “I didn’t know what those goons were doing to you. I thought they might even kill you. I thought I might have…” he couldn’t contain himself anymore and kissed me, mingling tears of relief with utter joy. “I thought I might have lost you.”

I was stunned. No one had ever kissed me like that before. No one had ever held me so that I felt like I was part of them. For the first time I knew what it felt like to be in love. It felt like the world could end and it wouldn’t matter because I was with him and he was with me. It felt like all the threats and hatred surrounding us didn’t exist because all I could see was the way he was looking at me right now. It felt like this moment was all there was, and this moment would never end.

I wrapped my arms around him without thinking and returned the kiss, allowing myself to melt into him as we fell to the ground. I don’t know how long we lay there in each other’s arms, lost in passionate kisses and caresses, but as our connection deepened, so did our excitement. I was hard almost as soon as we hit the ground, an automatic response to physical contact with another man. His excitement was also growing and making itself apparent under his pants. He caressed my chest over my shirt, and his hand began to move toward my waist. I moaned and asked him, “Do you want to touch it?”

“I’ve wanted to touch you for so long.” His hand continued to explore my clothed body but remained above my waist. “But I’ve never been with a man before.”

“And I’ve been with too many,” I added.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” he looked shocked. “I know what you do, I know all about your past. I’m not one of those judgmental busybodies from the league of decency that made all this fuss tonight.” He rolled his eyes at the mention of them. “God! They lectured me for a full hour on the evils of prostitution and sodomy. They even suggested a couple of nice local girls that I might consider dating with an eye toward ‘taming the lustful animal that is man”, that’s how they said it. That’s not how I think, and it’s certainly not how I think of you. I love you, all of you.” He stroked my cheek tenderly and continued, “I love how you have faced such hatred and survived. I love how you always find a way and you’re not afraid to do what it takes to keep going. You wouldn’t be you without that horrible past. I wish I could spare you from it, somehow make it go away, but I can’t. What I can do is love you right here and right now, just as you are.” He leaned forward and kissed me tenderly. “I’m just not ready for that yet,” his eyes looked down at my growing bulge, “at least not tonight. I want our first time to be special, something we’ll remember forever, not just some quickie behind a barn because we’re both scared and don’t know what else to do. I want to give myself to you slowly and deliberately.”

“No one has ever…I love you too.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. His declaration was overwhelming. I smothered his face with kisses, finally resting my head on his chest and weeping with joy. He stroked my hair, kissing the top of my head as I repeated, “I love you too, I love you too.”