Voyeur

Brian and Chris

Journal Entry:  As our time together lengthens and deepens, I learn so much more about the boys and what incredible people they both are.

The rest of that semester was mostly busy, for both me and the boys. As the first semester came into the home stretch, the boys were increasingly occupied with school and sports.

I spent lots of time with my grandson and his family on weekends that the boys were busy or simply didn't invite me. This actually made me feel good; the fact that they felt comfortable enough in our relationship to simply assume that I had a life too.

When Beth was home, the boys sometimes dropped by to visit. They often parlayed these visits into invitations for dinner. It wasn't hard. Beth really loved the boys and loved me around them.

I realized, in rereading my earlier journal entries, that I may have left the impression that it was always groups of two or more (not including me) that got together with the guys.

In fact, they more often were just by themselves. Josh on Wednesday's was by no means every Wednesday. Pizza with the Pizza Shop guys was by no means every time we ordered takeout. Even sex with Ano and Kahili or Jeremy were an exception.

The most frequent guests, actually, were Brad and Andrew.

But the boys were a committed couple and nothing they did took away from them as the central unit of their lives. They were together as a quiet couple (well, maybe not quiet, but by themselves) every weekday. My involvement with them was now mostly on weekends – but there again, not every weekend – and most often it was me just being invited over to watch them.

They loved to be watched! They were quite the showmen! And I loved to watch them. It's funny that even though my entire “gay life” was observational-only after my one and only experience with Jimmy, I had never thought of myself as a Voyeur!

Now, I realized that it had its own special pleasures which, it turns out, were also its greatest pain!

Sometimes the “look but don't touch” thing was very titillating for both parties. This constant ache of something just out of reach had its own special power to entice... even as I blew my wad repeatedly. Always though, there was …... something just beyond reach; literally!

And that is where the pain came in. Sometimes, that desire became painful and hard to control. Many times, I had to switch things up so that I didn't give into it. The boys were incredibly hot and amazingly hot together. How I wanted to jump them!

And ALL of their friends and fuck buddies were hot as hell as well. The thing that blows my mind is that, at age 56, I was such an allure to so many guys!

You may think that I am bragging or delusional. But they have all told me this.. both in group situations and individually. It just seems that how the whole thing was presented to them and had unfolded with all of us - - just gave me a certain something.... they wanted because they could not have!

But what I mainly want to convey is that not only are Brian and Chris very sexual and sensual beings, they are two of the kindest, most thoughtful, charismatic, non-judgmental guys I have ever met!

For starters, I found out separately from Bernardo, Darius and Jin that they all three had been helped to transfer to UNC- Wilmington from their community college.

They were all incredibly bright but just did not have the money or were quite good enough to get a scholarship and, in my opinion, wisely decided not to rack up large student loans.

Brian and Chris never mentioned that they had secretly provided money to a scholarship fund specifically set up for them. Bernardo got his letter first.

In it, there was a paragraph mentioning that it was a new fund and that the preferred method of giving out scholarships was via informal friend-networks.

Bernardo had shown me the letter and knowing that Jin and Darius were in similar circumstances, I suggested that he write the fund and recommend them. I even helped him compose the letters.

It was a long shot but what did any of them have to lose? It was only later that I remembered that Brian, having been present when Bernardo told us about his scholarship, was the one who later, when he and I were alone, had offhandedly made a reference to Jin and Darius being in the same situation. Unknowingly, the idea being planted, I carried the thought forward to Bernardo. Clever!

Sure enough, less than a week after they had sent the names to the address of the fund, Jin and Darius got letters of acceptance for a four-year full boat at UNC- Wilmington.

Shortly thereafter, they received another letter stating that the scholarship fund was closed for the next four years while they concentrated on the students they had. This, I found out was to prevent the boys from recommending more friends.

By the following week, they had been set up to transfer to UNC in the spring semester. The fund had provided a special counselor to help them walk through the entire process.

I only found out about this when Brian had inadvertently left some correspondence from the “counselor” (actually an employee of Brian's folks' charity) to Brian on his desk in the apartment.

I wasn't snooping. The boys were making love in their bedroom while I lazily stroked in a nearby chair. But they had run out of lube. They had sent me in search of some saying that they thought there was some in the study (go figure). I saw the letter on the desk and said something to the boys after they finished their love-making and they confessed. It had actually been Chris's idea.

“Yeah,” Chris has become very adept at spending our folks money!” Brian jokes and elbowed Chris in the ribs as they lay snuggling in their bed. I was a little taken aback and thought maybe Chris might have had his feeling hurt. I was wrong.

“Well,” it better than spending it on more fuck dolls for you!” Chris said and reached over to kiss Brian on the cheek.

“YOU are my one-and-only-fuck-doll, babe” Brian laughed and leaned into Chris for a long, passionate kiss. Suddenly, they started going at it again.    

“You two need to get a room? Oh, that's right, you already have one and this is it!” I said.

In a later discussion, the boys asked me not to say anything to Bernardo, Jin and Darius. It was not that they were afraid the boys might react badly but, rather, that they did not feel the need to make the boys somehow feel permanently in their debt.

“Brian and his family have fully embraced me into their wonderful family. But they have also made me feel that I am now a part of them and don't “owe” them a thing.

They have told me that repeatedly until I finally believed it. That is how they view their money and giving,” Chris said, “ and that's how I want the guys to feel... like they don't owe anyone anything!”

“They encouraged us to look for opportunities to “do good” with the money our family has,” Brian added, “They know that it was mainly just through dumb luck, maybe with a little hard work thrown in, that they are in such a position. And they want to share!”

As I came to hang out more with them over the school year, I became more and more aware of the things they did. They both were members of the family's charitable foundation and attended the foundation meetings religiously.

When Jeremy mentioned to us that he might have to leave the university because his scholarship was in doubt due to a late season injury and then less than a week later told us that everything had worked out because an alumnus had intervened with a specific gift to cover his schooling for four years, I knew exactly what had happened.

When Jeremy told us this, I looked over at Brian and we made eye contact. He blushed deeply but smiled.

Similarly, Brian had made sure that Ano's and Kahili's scholarship was secured for four years just in case Kahili's injury or an unexpected change in their father's attitude left them vulnerable.

I also learned more and more about their incredible talents. Not only were they very gifted students pursuing an in-demand field, they were superb and accomplished athletes. How they then found time to pursue their music career was hard to fathom. As they explained, they kept the music on the back burner.

Their group only performed live maybe 8- 10 times a year. They had an incredible online fan base that always turned out in huge numbers. By now, I had seen all of their videos, streaming performances, etc. The music they performed was truly eclectic with its own special feel and sound. When and how they practiced or added online content,I have no idea, except that they didn't seem to require much sleep at all. Midnight?

They almost always entertained Beth and I when they came over for dinner, which seemed to happen at least once almost every week during the year.

I got to see in person many more examples of their generosity and kindness to others. They were not afraid to use their status to get things to happen. When for example, budget cuts in the athletic department threatened to eliminate Josh's position, the guys quietly put pressure on the University via their various funds, to ensure that his position stayed intact. Of course, the large check especially tailored to the athletic departments sports medicine effort certainly didn't hurt.

As the second semester began, things changed again. Our exercise routine had to shift but my flexibility allowed me to adjust. The boys were even busier than before.

Somehow, we managed to reconfigure our schedules to find the time to also enjoy a robust sex-life (for me constrained by the “rules of the game”).

We managed to see all the guys' regular fuck-buddies. Josh at the gym, Ano and Kahili and Jeremy around practices and meet schedules. Bernardo, Darius and Jin on Pizza days/nights. Brad would come by to borrow a little “sugar” ...mmmm. 

We even had a fantastic evening in the limo with Frank; a whole roll play thing where the boys picked me up hitchhiking and while they were going at it in the back as I watched and stroked, Frank went down a backroad. 

When Chris petulantly asked where the fuck we were, Frank pulled off the road, parked the car, took both of them out of the car, told them to shut the fuck up and then proceeded to fucked the living shit out of the boys, each in turn, while the other one sucked his victim's cock and I watched and jacked.

Frank fucked them in every conceivable position and every conceivable place in, on and against the car (back seat, front seat, trunk, hood, roof, against the side standing up) as well as on the ground, against a tree and over a stump. 

He broke up the fucking by repurposing  the boys to both work on his cock, allowing them to simultaneously blow him only to turn and violently face-fuck one then the other of them. At one point, after a fuck and suck marathon, Frank finally, toss them on the ground and invited  me over to join him in unloading  all over both of them while they stroked each other to completion.

Andrew was our most frequent guest. Sometimes he was added into the mix with the Pizza Bois... sometimes to spice up our athletic visits with Ano and Kahili or with Jimmy, sometimes  a pleasant addition to a laid back evening with Brad. But often it was just the four of us. The guys really like Andrew, as did I.

My routine with Beth remained the same. Seeing her off on Friday mornings and waiting for her often with a special meal Monday evening.

Beth tried to make up for at least some of her missed time by working late on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday but when the folks at her work saw that she was burning herself out, they had a serious “come to Jesus” meeting with her and told her flat out that she was to go home no later than 5 p.m. every day during the week. When she tried to weasel out of that arrangement, they would pack up her things and escort her to the car.

They were a great bunch of people operating a great organization. But why would that surprise me since Beth was one of the founding members and the driving force behind its creation and meteoric growth. When we decided to move to Wilmington, the company had made the momentous decision to open an Eastern branch and almost a third of the original group chose to move with us.

We don't get to see many of them socially with any great frequency because they all live nearer to the business (located in a business park considerably outside of the city) and we live nearer to the beach. Beth's commute is a bear! Thus, it becomes more challenging to have a casual drop-in kind of friendship. We “make the circuit” with all of them and Beth makes sure to have plenty of company-wide parties on the company's dime. None of the folks, except for one, represented any potential to show up at the boy's Club.

Our sex lives continued to be very satisfying for both of us. It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder! Despite all the activity I continued to enjoy with the boys, her and my time was precious. For some reason, I was able to compartmentalize my sexual and relationship worlds. Only the boys.. and eventually Andrew.. created moments of discomfort.

The other thing that was mind blowing was the degree to which I was fairly guilt-free about my secret life. This was so foreign to my normal attitude and behavior. Up until now, I was guilt ridden every time I looked at porn, went on SL, made a furtive side trip to a gay bookstore, or even shot a glance at a hot guy!

Looking back, I cannot make sense of this. Truly!! It was as if the boys somehow helped me hermetically seal our adventures from the rest of my life. And the fact that the boys also so smoothly, unapologetically and unashamedly transitioned from our world of sexy fun into being a part of Beth's and my regular life, just seemed to reinforce and somehow legitimize that separation!

The funny thing is that the boys many times helped me prepare for her arrival on Monday, often doing the sweetest and most endearing things- a special wine, a vase of roses, a new sexy album or naughty movie on our digital account, reservations (often impossible to get) at the finest restaurants in town, tickets to the theater! 

I took every bit of credit when Beth gushes over these special moments; again, I somehow felt ok with this because the guys were “part of the team” !

Andrew

Journal Entry:  Watching Andrew grow and embrace himself as a gay man was thrilling. What I didn’t realize at first was that the depth of my feelings for him was growing as well.

The only thing that developed that was truly surprising was my relationship with Andrew. He had taken to the boy's entire group of friends but especially, as I mentioned, to Brian and Chris. At first I thought that I was a bonus of- questionable value - thrown in!

However, after the first few times the guys got together with him, I found out that he specifically wanted to make sure that I was there to watch and participate. He had befriended me at work as well; we were discreet, opting to go “out for lunch” or “out for coffee” separately and then meet up.

Mainly, during these coffees or lunches, Andrew just wanted to talk. Yes, we flirted plenty and more than once I had to ask him to wait for a bit while I “settled down” before I could safely get up from the table. He always had a big churlish grin when this happened.

But increasingly, he was trying to figure out what to do about his father. He had told select friends, his mother and siblings. They all were fine with it and kept his secret for him. But he was finally allowing himself to develop a whole cadre of gay friends.

One day at lunch, he shared with me that the experience at my Birthday had really opened him up to his own situation and to how much better he felt when he could be totally himself! I winced at this sentiment and, ever observant, Andrew saw my expression.

“Sorry,” he rushed to say, “I didn't mean... I know your situation... it's different.... I just meant... for me... I'm sorry.. I didn't ”

“Don't worry about it, Andrew! You are absolutely right!” I blurted out, laughing, “it does feel better.. and that's one of the main reasons I like hanging around with the guys and all their hot friends! It's not ONLY about the terrific sex I get to watch and get off to- although I would be lying if I said I didn't absolutely love that – it's the fact that I can be totally free to be myself – fully!”

“I know,” Andrew hastened to add, “and that's what I want to achieve for all of my life, somehow.”

“And I think you should!” I hastened to agree.

“Look, times are different now than they were when I was growing up,” I continued. “There is absolutely no reason for you not to come out in this day and age. You can have it all.... a relationship, a successful career, even a family when you are ready!”

Andrew smiled at this description of his potential future life.

I impulsively grabbed his hand. We were miles away from the office in a place no one we knew would come to and we were in a secluded corner of the restaurant.

Andrew put his other hand on top of mine and began rubbing it.

“David, I want you to know how much I value your friendship.. and, may I say it, affection.”

“You can most certainly say it... cause I feel exactly the same way!” I said.

The waiter suddenly appeared and without a hint of judgment in his expression or voice, asked us if we would like dessert.

“Or have you guys already found something with just the right amount of sweetness!” he said with a sly grin.

“We have!” I said and smiled broadly.

“There's nothing I like better than to be out on the town with my guy and show a little affection at a nice restaurant. It feels so good to be able to do so. Nothing overt or offensive.. just a small bit of love shining through,” he said to us with a smile.

“Exactly!” Andrew added.

I knew that I had just violated my own rule. It was no more than a hand hold.. but it was charged with real sexual feeling mixed with deep caring (may I say love) for another human being. Somehow, though, it seemed ok.

Andrew came over several times to be with the guys and me. They played. I watched and participated, as usual, in my own “special way”. We always had an incredibly good and sexy time! Andrew was a total turn on to both me and the boys.

One day, Andrew called me up on the phone and asked what I was doing. By now he knew my schedule and when Beth was going to be out of town with her aunt. I told him I was just hanging out- that the boys had gone home for the weekend.

“Want some company?” he asked tentatively.

My cock immediately sprung to attention. “Sure!” I said without hesitation.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

“Hang on a sec, someone at the door” and put him on mute.

I opened our front door and there he was dressed casually but very very sexily.

“I was in the neighborhood,” he said sheepishly.

“Oh you WERE, were you?” I said with a wide grin, "hang on for a sec!"

I took the phone off mute and brought it to my ear. "Sorry Andrew, something VERY urgent has just come up!  Need to take a rain check."

I looked at Andrew devilishly and ushered him in.

“I hope you don't think this is too forward.... just showing up unannounced?” he asked.

“Not at all,” I said pointing to the tent in my pants.

Andrew smiled. “How about you take those off and stroke that cock for me?” he asked quite seductively.

I paused.

“Not feeling it?”, he asked, sensing my reservation. “I certainly understand if you aren't in the mood... it's just I was so horny and I literally couldn't think of anyone I would rather be with than you, even with our... limitations.”

“I think you can see that I'm in the mood,” I said pointing again to the growing bulge in my pants. “It's just that I don't feel quite right doing anything in Beth's and my house.”

Immediately, Andrew looked quite embarrassed and chagrined. “Man, I can't believe I was that insensitive!” he managed to say.

“No, no, it's ok,” I hastened to reassure him and not wanting to break the mood. “I have an easy fix... I have the key to the boy's house and they have given me carte blanche to use it when I want!”

Minutes later, we were letting ourselves into Brian and Chris' place. I got us something to drink and joined Andrew in the living room. I took a long pull off my wine and made my proposal.

“How about I pull my cock out and stroke it while I watch you strip for me?”

Andrew's face lit up.

“I have always been a bit of a show off, David, as you well know!”

Without another word, I unzipped my pants and pulled them down- it had been a commando day- and my cock popped out, already considerably more hard than soft, as if on cue.

I grabbed it as it continued to grow and began to slowly run both hands up and down my shaft. I briefly leaned over to one of the side tables where one of the guys remotes were and selected a sexy "album" on their playlist with a slow latin beat.

“Let the show begin!” I said lustily.

Andrew smiles broadly. As usual, he was dressed very sexily (not all that hard for him!) In literal moments, Andrew found the beat and began to move to it in an amazingly sexy manner.

He danced closer to me and I impulsively slipped out of all my pants and pulled off my shirt in a couple of surprisingly fluid moves, and laid back splayed, naked, on the boy's couch. I lay there stroking slowly as Andrew continued to undress.

Andrew began by rubbing himself all over, then brought his hand up to his mouth and placed two fingers flat on his tongue, mouth open wide and seductively. He closed his mouth around them and began to very slowly “mouth fuck” his two fingers, all the while keeping his eyes drilled on me; my eyes, my body, my cock!

As he continued to suck on his fingers, he moved his other hand and grabbed his throbbing cock and slowly began stroking it. With in no time at all, Andrew's breathing became labored and his body flushed.

“Suppose I get up on the couch with you and stroke my cock until I come all over that hot face and mouth of yours,” he proposed unabashedly, between erratic breaths.

Without waiting for a response, he placed his feet on each side of my body and squatted a bit bringing himself closer to my face. Meanwhile, I scooted down on the couch to create a more optimal target for his hot juices!

“When I finish, hot boi, we will trade places so that I can get a similar taste and drenching!”

“Awesome,” I said. I slowed my stroking down to accommodate this enticing new plan.

I looked up as Andrew became more and more turned on- looking down at me with absolute lust in his eyes as he cock grew impossibly gorged and ready to explode.     

“Open up big boy!” Andrew shouted as he unleashed an incredible torrent of cum which cascaded down upon me, hitting my mouth dead center and then covering my whole face and neck with rope after rope of subsequent hot, steamy cum shots!

I paused my stroking to do a bit of clean-up as I absolutely savored his sweet cum. Man did I love it! I cleaned it off my face and swallowed greedily. In no time at all I was ready to give him as good as he gave!

Without words, Andrew hopped off the couch, I got up, he replaced me as the target and I straddled his awesome body, looking down at him and his incredible beauty.

I was literally having trouble breathing as I took in the sight. My God was he hot! He was already lazily stroking his amazingly recovered cock!

“Oh man, Andrew! Have I got a load for you, baby!”

“ I KNOW you do, hot stuff,” he answered.

It took me no time at all to work myself into an absolute frenzy. Taking a page from Andrew's performance, I unloaded first in his mouth and then all over his gorgeous face. Andrew actually made every effort to catch my cum as I shot and use his finger to immediately retrieve any errant splurts and redirect them to his oh so sexy mouth.

Andrew broke out into the most endearing grin. “Man! Did I need that!!”

I smiled down on him and simply said: “Me too, love!” I reached down and stroked his face, picking up a dollop of my own cum on two of my fingers.

“Just one touch baby... just one," I said, licking my fingers. Andrew made no effort to follow up, fully respecting my wishes. He just laid there with the most contented, beatific expression on his face.

“You do know I love you David?!”

“I know”

The rest of the evening we spent relaxing in the glow of our friendship, simmering passion and regard for each other.

One day out of the blue, Beth mentioned that the boys were coming over for dinner on a rare Saturday when she would be home.

“I asked them if they could invite Andrew and his fiance over as well. Hope you don't mind?”

Beth had met Andrew recently at a company picnic. Andrew's fiance was there for the occasion (what a tremendous friend she was to help him in all the many ways she did!).

They seemed to hit it off very well. Of course, Beth loved that Andrew’s finance had the same first name as our daughter!

When we got home, Beth confessed, as she almost always did when she had such thoughts, that she found Andrew very attractive, even hot. (No shit, he was drop dead gorgeous!)

“Really? I guess... whatever..” I feigned complete oblivious indifference; all the while, my heart was racing with the mention of his name and his hotness in the same sentence.

Now they were all going to be in my house together! I felt the panic setting in but managed to play it off.

“Sounds great, dear. You know best,” I answered blandly.

The evening arrived and Brian and Chris came to the door first. Fortunately, they had arrived only minutes before Andrew and Jennifer arrived. This provided enough distraction for Beth- settling the boys in, offering them wine, that I was able to get the door when Andrew and Jennifer arrived.

“I got the door, Beth!” I shouted. When I opened the door, both Andrew and Jennifer gave me knowing looks.

“Sorry, I tried to back out but Beth called and insisted, willing to move the date to anything that was convenient for us!” Andrew whispered hastily.

Suddenly, Beth was at the door gushing at our new friends. I could tell right away that this could be a permanent addition to our entertainment rotation!

After niceties and drinks all around, we settled in the living room. A few drinks into the festivities, the subject of music came up and before I knew it, Chris, Brian and Andrew all had instruments (our grand piano being one) and they put on an impromptu pre-dinner show.

Beth moved to the kitchen and worked on the final prep for the supper and, quite uncharacteristically, came into the living room with hors d'oeuvres and began singing along to the boys' rendition of an old Fleetwood Mac song: Dreams. Brian had started the song, with a slow, haunting piano instrumental rendition and Chris and Andrew immediately joined in with their acoustic guitars. Suddenly, Andrew began singing the lyrics and the boys flawlessly picked up the vocal accompaniment.  It was at this point that Beth entered and began to harmonize with Andrew, making it a stunning duet.

I knew that Beth had a great voice. But hearing her in this setting made me realize just how good she was. Almost immediately, however, I had the strangest feeling that she was communicating something that was almost impossible to articulate: I certainly did not have the words for it.

She and Andrew gazed at each other, as singers in a duet do- but she interspersed her gaze with a kind of deep, knowing, gaze at me... then back to Andrew.

She seemed, ineffably, as if she were simultaneously revealing, concealing and appealing to us both! A thrill of some sort shot through my body. Was it fear? Was it attraction? Was it ….

As I suspected, the two were invited over several times, sometimes along with Chris and Brian, sometimes alone. 

Once, when Andrew made an excuse about Jennifer being tied up, Beth unexpectedly asked Andrew to come alone. Andrew gave me a heads up at work that he would be doing a solo tour this coming Thursday!

Beth seemed to go out of her way to make it a very special and intimate evening. She prepared a several course gourmet meal and paired each flawlessly with a variety of wines and liqueurs. She flirted unabashedly with Andrew and he took to it like a champ; he was alluring just enough, returning her flirts like a pro tennis pro -- “volley-return-spin-tap” or more appropriately, like an elaborate fencing play, “parry-thrust-advance-retreat”. Intermittently, she would verbally and sometimes physically throw me right into the center of things, making me... and Andrew …        blush more than once.

As always we managed to include music in our evening's festivities. Andrew brought his guitar and entertained us effortlessly. At several junctures, Andrew incorporated Beth into the vocals and at least a couple of times, she simply took the initiative to provide beautiful harmonies.

As the evening finally wound down, we were at the door, Beth reached over to Andrew and gave him a long lingering kiss on the cheek and thanked him profusely for coming. And, when Andrew and I grabbed each other's hand to shake them, Beth grabbed both of our hands with both of hers and held us there for a long magical moment.

“Here's hoping this will be the beginning of a long and deep friendship,” she said in a raspy, almost sensual voice.. but perky enough not to be over the top; leaving both Andrew and I confused and strangely titillated ( we knew this about our reactions because we talked about it at length over coffee the following Monday).

Little did I know.