The Voyage Of Stevie

(Apologies for the very long break in chapters; It wasn't intentional but had a lot of work commitments and other very good things happening over the past few weeks that have taken up my time; Hope everybody is well and enjoys the resumption of the story)

Conflict of the Path to Take

The feeling of telling the most important people in your life that you’re gay is more nerve-wracking than anything I’ve done in my life. Not having my parents around, my grandparents are the only family that I’ve ever had and losing them is more dangerous to me than losing anything that I have right now.

My confidence now though is higher than it ever has been about telling my grandparents because I still have a close group of friends, especially now that Antonio has been open about what he knew about my past with Zak although he did hint the feelings were still there for me.

The next few days are just focused on working and trying to put every little bit of the sideshow in my life to one side at the moment because they were just taking too much focus away from what I need to do with the business and write my speech for the cruise launch that’s coming up after I get back.

The writing is something that I’ve never been strong at struggling to always come up with what I want to say in the way that I want to say it and the option is there to bring in a speechwriter but my grandfather always says that you can’t say what you feel or how you feel about something if you’re reading someone else’s words. I always know that is true and the company is built solely on that factor that this is our legacy and built off the hard work of every single person in the company whether they are high in the board room to our hotel staff and cleaners.

Thankfully for me, the days are pretty easy going with the whole situation with Kierra now just pushed almost completely out of the news now things are pretty easy although a few people still want to bring it up and I just brush it off.

Finishing work in the office for the day, I get the car back to the hotel as I think about what I’m going to say to my grandparents and just rolling through every reaction that is possible just makes me feel so damn awful right now because this is make or break for my entire life. The thought that I could get the support of the people that mean the most to me and I’d do anything for them makes me so excited but at the same time, it could be the end of everything I know if it doesn’t go so well.

The days leading up to heading back to Europe are just going so slow and I know that I wish I could just go right now but with my grandparents in Paris, this isn’t something I can hurry up as I decide to ring Zak which probably isn’t the right idea but he’s my sounding board for everything.

Zak: “Having nerves already?”

Me: “Absolutely shitting myself and I’ve still got days to go you know”

Zak: “You know everything won’t be an issue don’t you; Your grandparents are amazing forward-thinking people and there is going to be nothing that you say to them that they will cut you off because they love you so much”

Me: “Yeah, I know but there is plenty of doubt you know in particular how nerve-wracking it can be to come out and just because your family said the words “We know” before you even said anything” 

Zak: “Ok well I was an open book so probably don’t count necessarily” 

Chatting with Zak I laugh and he always gives me the confidence boost that I need although it would be nice if he could come along with me. The thought of being with Zak as a couple always makes me feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake that I ever could because I was in love with Zak so much, he always knew how to keep me calm when things weren’t going well either at college or working.

Zak: “But seriously, the way your grandparents love you and if they had an issue with you then you wouldn’t be running the company at your age if they didn’t trust you and they know about the situation with Kierra so you will be right.”

Me: “Wish I had your level of confidence”

Zak: “You have more confidence than you let on, you’re not afraid to pretty much chat up anyone… anyway I’ll drop by tomorrow afternoon and get you pumped”

Getting off the phone with Zak always makes me feel more confident as I head back up to the apartment and get back to doing some more work. The paperwork that always comes with the job is the most tedious thing about being Vice President which people think is all publicity and the fun of travelling the world opening things and going to functions when so much of the job especially when I’m running things is paperwork and budgets.

None of this is really my strong point and I’ve been known in the past to just skim over things and miss a major spelling error in what somebody has written. Following that, I always make sure that I give as much effort as possible but the quarterly and annual reports of each of our hotels and resorts and having to read everything and add in my own little bits which is why my secretary is amazing because she goes through them all and tells me what there is of note to focus on.

I read through and it’s mostly all the same nonsense that we’ve seen hotels go through the motions to do with the seasons, parts of the world have had really good years with so many people coming through but other parts have had less than ideal years. The hotel and tourism industry is such a fickle business because it takes one little thing that can either make it a bumper season or an absolute long slow empty thing that we’ve seen.

It takes a few hours to get through all the reading and as much as it is boring, I’ve really got to admit that it is interesting to see the different effects that we have faced on each of the hotels. I take my shirt off and make some coffee and just go out and sit on the balcony and just look out at the city and the ocean.

Just sitting there calms me right down and just puts me back into the right frame of mind where I’m back to feeling confident about what is going to happen about coming out because it’s weird, I’m going through this rollercoaster ride. There’s part of me that sits there and says that everything will be fine, there is going to be no real difference to my life other than my grandparents will know that I’m gay and I can open up the resort that I’ve always wanted to.

Although I have those good feelings, the overwhelming sense of dread is something that I’ve been battling as well because you never know how well people take somebody coming out. Zak is the case of the perfect where everybody knows before they need to say anything whether it’s keeping it as an open secret or just that obvious.

The thought of this just makes me feel sick as I stand up and just wish I could fast forward to the point where I’ve told everyone and it’s all just normal life again where I can be open without having the worry consuming me.

Heading into have a shower, I’ve got an early morning to fly out to attend an opening of a hotel somewhere which I can’t even remember where it’s meant to be which is always the sign of a quality Vice President. Normally, I’d know where I need to go but my head has been so filled with worry and panic that my confidence is completely shot as I’ve been having so many doubts about just about everything ranging from business decisions to even just general things like what I’m wearing.

Getting in the shower, I let the water just run over my body and close my eyes just trying to shift everything swirling around how but it doesn’t work and even though I only just took the break everything is just building up on my shoulders.

I get out of the shower and don’t bother putting any clothes on and just dry off and lay down on my bed, and just let the fresh air coming through the window hit my body as I lay there and just look across at my empty bed and wish Zak was there. I know I shouldn’t be continually going over and wishing Zak and I were together because I knew that I had that chance a long time ago but I just wish I never let it go especially now seeing him with Antonio.

Closing my eyes, I try to settle my nerves by thinking about how things are going to be after I tell my grandparents that I’m gay and picturing how life looks but it’s not the most effective plan because all I can imagine is Zak there next to me nuzzling into me. I try to shake it off but all I can imagine is his muscular frame climbing over the top of my naked body and feeling his firm muscles on top of me as I moan and reach down for my cock.

Feeling my cock get hard, I know I still shouldn’t think of Zak this way but I do and the other day with him and Antonio probably hasn’t helped my feelings as I rub one hand over my cock and the other playing with my nipples. I moan loudly as I keep my eyes closed and I think about Zak as he is leaning over kissing me as we make out his soft lips pressing against mine as his tongue fights against mine trying to take dominance.

Even though I’ve kissed plenty of guys in my life, there is something about Zak’s kisses that feel absolutely amazing and it’s no different when I lay there thinking about them, whether it’s just the natural ability or a passion for each other something always feels different.

Laying there, my phone buzzes as I glance and put it back down just having a moment thinking about Zak as I close my eyes again and see his muscled frame climbing over me as our smooth bodies are sweating pressed up against each other. The feeling of having his hard cock pressed against mine as we make out is something so amazing that I just can’t ever let go of these feelings I have.

My cock leaks precum as I jerk with as Zak is pressed up against me making out with me taking control of my cock with his hand as he starts sliding down my body, kissing very slowly making sure that each part of my pecs gets its own attention. Zak continues kissing down my chest, swirling his tongue around each of my hard nipples making me moan as I feel him twisting the other as he continues to give so much attention to my chest.

Feeling his hands run over my body, I moan as the softness of his pecs pushes up against mine as he moves back up to kiss me making me feel so amazing as he goes down and kisses my body again, pinning my arms back as he has sole control over me. Laying there, Zak continues to go down my body before starting to swirl his tongue around my leaking cock as I moan loudly feeling him worshipping my cock.

Zak’s tongue is like magic as he runs it down my shaft and licks back up to the head where he starts to lap up the heavy amounts of precum that I’m leaking right now. Zak continues to run his tongue down my shaft and then onto my balls where my sack is filling quickly as I feel his tongue ticking my smooth sack. My moans get louder as I feel him giving all his attention to each one of my balls as he sucks each one individually as I keep moaning.

The focus on each of my balls is amazing as Zak then continues back up my shaft with his tongue, running his around in circles as he continues to go back up and then start sucking my head. His tongue laps up the pre that is still leaking as he starts to focus on sucking my cock deeply going down slowly as his nose hits my skin and I watch him deep throat my cock and just holding his mouth over it until he comes back up for air.

Picking up the speed, my hands are pinned behind my head as he continues to suck on my cock head bobbing as he takes all of it down his throat amazingly well knowing where each point in my body that turns me on so much. Picturing all this, I’m jerking my cock harder as I lay there seeing Zak lubing up my cock for his whole as he keeps sucking me before climbing over me and he starts to lower himself over my hard cock and both of us are in a sense of amazement as he does that.

I know I shouldn’t be imagining this but right now I’m so sweaty and so horned up right now thinking about fucking Zak that as I jerk my cock I’m picturing all 95kg of muscle riding my 8 inches of hard meat right now. Jerking my cock, I picture Zak riding it as I do so and it doesn’t take long for me to imagine firing loads of cum up his tight hole right as I blow my own load with 4 or 5 different spurts of cum in there which cover my body as I feel Zak kissing me as now, I picture him lying next to me.

My eyes still closed, not wanting to ruin the moment as Zak leans into me kissing me before pulling away “I love you so much Stevie” he says to me as I smile kissing him back, wishing this moment was real but knowing as well that I shouldn’t be thinking this way.

I eventually open my eyes up and know that I still shouldn’t be thinking about this way about Zak but it’s hard not to have the feelings that have never left me and I know that they are still there for him.

Quickly I take another shower to wash the cum off my body and then just go back and lay on my bed and scroll through my phone looking at Instagram at some of my old pictures where Zak and I were together as a couple but just friends to everyone. I look at those photos that we passed off on social media as just a bromance and I look at them reflecting on how we both look and how much we were in love together back then and how much I missed that opportunity.

Putting my phone back on charge, I realise how much of a shit position this sits everyone in because Zak is my best friend and I love him so much but he moved on to Antonio and the two of them are just amazing and both are such close friends. I know we had the threesome the other day but when I was able to lay there with Zak and even when we fucked, I know the feelings are still there as well and I don’t want to be the person who causes so many issues for everyone and ruins friendships.

 I finally get to sleep after a while struggling to shut my mind off trying to not think about things that actually work for a little while before I wake up earlier than intended and decide that I might as well hit the gym.

Heading down there, Brax is setting things up as he looks at me and instantly knows that I have a lot on my mind. “Hey man, you look like you’ve been awake all night? Worried about the trip?” he asks as I nod but it’s more the feelings about Zak that are on my mind at the moment than worrying about anything to do with my grandparents right now.

“Yeah, a little bit but…” I don’t need to say anything after the but for Brax to let out a groan of pain as he instantly knows what I’m going to say. “Fuck sake Stevie, how many times do we have to go over this? Zak is engaged remember and he is really happy right now doing all that… you know that” he says as I nod and sit down.

“Of course, I know that, I saw that the other day when they came over but Zak is just,” I say as Brax has anything but a sympathetic ear to me as he rolls his eyes and just tries to tell me the same thing that I’ve been telling myself over and over

Letting out a massive sigh I look at Brax “Yeah I know that and I don’t want it but with this whole coming out situation has just made me realise how much of me being gay is linked with Zak and then the other night fucking him again was just like we were young again”.

Brax rolls his eyes “I thought you were past that, you’ve told me that so many times that you wouldn’t keep doing that to him” he says as I nod knowing I’ve said that so many times but at the same time I’m not the only one who is guilty. “Before you say anything else, it was actually the three of us and it was Antonio’s idea to do it because he knows about my past with Zak,” I say as Brax looks at me surprised but then still tells me it’s a bad idea.

“You know it might have been fun but at the same time, it’s not the best idea because it’s only going to make those issues between Zak and you tougher because you’re still having sex and spending that intimate moment together where you’re at your most vulnerable,” he says to me as I nod and realise that.

Brax has to excuse himself to go and finish setting up a circuit for the morning class coming in as I do my own workout for a little while with my music blaring through my headphones so that I’m only in my own world focussed on making sure my legs feel good. I work out for about just over an hour before heading to the showers and taking a shower before sitting with Brax again.

“So, Dr Phil, what should I do?” I say as he just looks at me and glares as I just walk through the staff-only door and sit down on the couch that is in the office as he shakes his head. “You are able to read right? Staff only?” he says which doesn’t mean much to me considering that the gym is inside of our buildings and when Brax had issues I helped him stay in business to the point where he has expanded the franchise across the country.

Brax looks at me “I can’t tell you what to do Stevie you know that but you’re a smart guy and need to think a lot more with this and not down there” he says as he taps his head then points down to my cock as if to say that I’m only thinking with my cock which probably isn’t.

“Yeah, I know that and I’m trying to think rationally but there is so much to Zak that makes my head think different things and now that I’m able to come out to my grandparents and not have any worries that I can just pick things up where they ended up with him but I know it’s not that way,” I say almost coming to a realisation that I knew before but just couldn’t accept.

I sit there in silence for a minute just taking a drink as I check my phone and realise that I’m running late for getting ready and the car will be waiting for me in less than half an hour and I need to get changed properly. “Stevie, you’re an amazing guy remember that because you’ve got a kind heart and are an amazing friend that’s been through a hell of a lot but whether you like it or not a special guy is waiting for you out there that isn’t Zak but will be just as special” Brax smiles at me and hugs me as I quickly head back upstairs.

Part of me really doesn’t want to go on this trip today but I agreed to it and it’s a big deal so I put on one of my grey suits and head out to the car that is waiting patiently even though I’m running late and Rich whilst probably being annoyed doesn’t show it. “So sorry Rich, just had a slow morning this morning,” I say as I get in the car and sit in the back just going over the plan of action for the day.

“How are things Mr Mikovits,” Rich says to me as I smile “Not too bad, just really busy at the moment and have to travel back across to see my grandparents in a couple of days which is good”. Rich smiles “Oh are they ok? I know you were just over there visiting not that long ago?” he asks having been close to my grandfather in particular being his personal driver.

“They’re fine, just some more business to talk about in person and they’ve just come back from Paris so just wanted to see them again to talk about some more ideas about things that’s all,” I say as Rich smiles before I ask about his family and he tells me all about them which is nice to hear about and I always try to offer Rich more money or extra bonuses but he is happy with how things are even though he’s past retirement age.

The day is a slow one as I sit up on the stage as the president and although I’m not giving a speech today it’s important that I’m there representing the company but I can’t help but have my mind elsewhere right now thinking about everything else that is going on. Sitting there distracted, I totally miss what’s going on as I’m welcomed up onto the stage to say something even though I’m not supposed to speak.

“Oh, thank you, I am glad to be here today at the Opening of another Platinum Group Resort,” I say trying to think on my feet as my words probably ramble on but my charisma gets me through it. I sit back down feeling stupid for not even paying attention to my own thing and not knowing that I was supposed to speak as I check my notes and phone seeing that I wasn’t which annoys me a little bit but at the same time I should have known if I was.

Everything finishes up and I answer a few questions from the media and have a walk-around meeting with some of the people coming to stay before just heading to find somewhere to have lunch. I find a restaurant and sit there for a few minutes as I just think about things for a little while as Zak texts me which makes me worried especially after the conversation with Brax this morning.

12:50 pm “Hey man, where you at? I was gonna come by your office but said you weren’t there… want to catch up for dinner before you go away?”

I sit there for a few minutes as my lunch comes and I look out the window as I’m trying to battle between going to see Zak tonight and thinking about what Brax said to me about us being together. I just end up ignoring the text for a while I sit and have a beer with lunch as I continue to think about whether I should see Zak or not.

Finishing up lunch, I look at the time and just wait to call a car to take the airport and just think about everything that I don’t know right now because my confidence feels shot. I finally relent and text Zak back.

1:18 pm “Sup bro, I’m in Langley for an opening… Dinner sounds cool, you me and Antonio?”

Wandering back my phone goes off as Zak replies almost instantly meaning that he isn’t doing anything at work today.

1:20 pm “Nah just us two tonight, Ant is away on a shoot for the next few days”

1:21 pm “Usual place?”

Zak replies with a thumbs up which means we are meeting up at my place and then going down to one of the restaurants which suits me although the fact we’re alone isn’t going to be much of a help right now with the whole situation. Walking along the street back towards where I’m meeting the car, my mind is just racing through everything and whether or not I should tell Zak how I’m feeling about things.

It's about two hours between the city and the airport after getting stuck in traffic because of an accident and then another two hours on the flight back and finally getting back just around six I’m running late to meet Zak. I get back to the apartment just after 7 where Zak is already sitting waiting for me having still got his code to get into my place.

“Hey, was wondering where you were getting here,” he says to me as he walks over for a hug as I wander in with my tie and jacket hanging over my arm pretty exhausted about everything and wanting to have a shower before we go to dinner. “Sorry, got held up in Langley getting back… which place do you want to get dinner at,” I say starting to rush to change my clothes.

Zak just grabs my shoulders and looks at me “Calm down, we can get food up here right? Just order whatever we want and have it delivered up here and we don’t need to rush” he says as I nod and gulp thinking that the restaurant would be so much better.

I order our dinner which we both wanted from the Chinese restaurant and then he goes and tells me to take the shower that I was about to. Zak annoyingly but then also somewhat enjoyably sits on my bed as I strip off and go and have my shower as he talks to me like the old days.

“So where is Ant doing his shoot?” I ask curiously trying to make small talk and not focus on the fact that I’m standing here naked talking to him in the shower while he is probably laying on my bed again legs stretched out on “his” side of the bed that he took ownership of. “In Costa Rica today, I’m heading down to meet him tomorrow which is why I wanted to catch up tonight,” he says which makes me feel a bit better about him talking about Ant.

I want to try and keep the focus on talking about Antonio but Zak already gets the sense I’m trying to deflect the conversation away from me as he wants to talk about me and what is going to happen with my family.

“Come on Stevie, you’ve been talking about coming out to your family for ages and now you want to keep talking about Antonio… what’s going on I know something is up” the tone of Zak’s voice is quite pointed at me and I know I can’t keep anything away from him having been my boyfriend at one point and my best friend.

I let out a sigh as I get out of the shower and wander into my bedroom wearing just my towel “It’s just this whole situation is making me think about us again and before you say anything I know it’s wrong and Brax told me off this morning for thinking this way but I can’t help it and it’s just worrying me that how I think is going to ruin our friendship” I say as Zak looks at me and nods.

“Nothing can ruin our friendship, I know that you have feelings for me that’s never going to change because what we had is special and I won’t lie and say there aren’t feelings from me to you but for me, our friendship is more important than anything else we have,” he says in his usual calming tone which somehow makes this tense situation relatively calming.

Zak looks at me “You don’t need to worry about anything because Ant knows everything between us and he doesn’t have a problem because we all need close friends outside of a relationship and for us this is special” he says as I smile and know that he’s right as I put my head on his shoulder and he rubs my head.

“You look so hot right now" Zak says winking at me as I blush and punch him “You’re not making things easier for me,” I say as I start to get up and Zak grabs my towel so that I’m standing there naked with my smooth body on show.

I stand there smiling at Zak who whistles in pleasure as he looks at me as I go to grab some clothes but he tackles me back to the bed. “I reckon you should stay like that,” he said as his soft hands run over my smooth back as he is massaging me around my shoulder blades where I relent and Zak keeps running his hands all over my body as I relent and moan loudly as he has to make a crack about the body hair stubble I’ve got growing and how weird it is.

Eventually, I move away as I look at the clock and see that dinner will be here in a few minutes and just grab a jock and a pair of shorts “Dinner’s about to be up here bro’ I say putting the jock on as Zak just looks at me “Nothing says we can’t do dessert as an entrée” he says as I get dressed and turn back to look at Zak taking serious thought at what he is offering.