I'd never given much thought to how I would die... But dying in the place of someone I love seems like...
What? Wrong story? Oh god, how embarrassing! No worries, let's start over...
Once upon a time, in deep winter, a queen was admiring the falling snow, when she saw a rose blooming in defiance of the cold. Reaching for it, she pricked her finger and three drops...
Really? Again? Why am I so bad at this? I could seriously do with an Editor right about now...
*Takes a deep breath*
So three months has gone by since my sex... I mean... Escapades and a lot has changed.
My name is Keegan Hill Bryson.
I met this guy when I went to stay with my "once homophobic" dad for a few months. Names aren't really important right now, so let's call him... Pablo (What? I had mexican for dinner last night! "Mexican": As in food... Ever heard of protein on a plate?)
So Pablo and I dated for about a month before I cheated on him with a guy I met at school. Let's call him Fabio.
Pfff and the say school is supposed to be good for you!
Anyway... Pablo went AWOL on my keister when I told him about Fabio but he decided to forgive me after I told him I loved him. I then lied to him about my ex, being my ex and he kinda asked me to marry him, but I said no. Stupid, right? I know.
And so my dating faux pas continue...
Pablo lied to me about having a son and he got mad at me about asking him, totally unaware of the fact that he had a son, if he someday wanted children. That's why I slept with Fabio... And I kinda, sorta, mighta had a few drinks too... Okay, so it wasn't a few... But who's counting?
And after a very heated conversation, the truth came out like the gay community after the 1960's.
Think that's all? Well get the fuck off of your delusional train of thoughts and get into this cab called "Keegan being screwed by Karma".
My dad remarried after he and my mom got a divorce and I got stuck with two stepbrothers.
You didn't hear this from me but the one they call "Chase" has a way of seriously suppressing one's libido. He acts like a complete jerk. Like total "Derection" mode... He's one of those " Errors have been made, others will be blamed" kinda guys. Kind of like that rare breed of human born with a stick the size of a the Big Ben implanted up their anus.
Oh and I realised Kate, the woman my dad married, wasn't the momster I thought she's be... Far from it actually. She tried teaching me how to cook once but due to my "mad skills", failed miserably. Other adjectives describing my cooking abilities: Horrible, Terrible, Disastrous, Shameful .... I could go on but I think you get the point!
I also found out that my dad had a son two years before he met my mother. Hey, at least it's not one of those stories where the guy cheats on his true love with the secretary on the third floor and his love child screws everything up when he tries to find his father.
The first time I met my brother was undoubtedly hilarious! I actually thought my dad was pimping me out! Come on, what would you think if a random stranger came up to you and planted a "When Harry met Sally" on you?
It took us a couple of days to get used to the idea of one another's existence but we became really close. His name is Josh and he's a really great guy.
The best part about Josh? He doesn't judge! My dad on the other hand always had a strong dislike for same sex relationships, "fairies" as he call them...us. Don't believe me? I wasn't even allowed to believe in the Tooth fairy when I was growing up. So the illusion of most of my childhood fantasies were shattered before my tenth birthday.
Do we really have to talk about relationships? Yeah? Okay... So I haven't dated anyone since Pablo. Satisfied?
One thing I've learned is that you should never give your heart to someone if you're not ready to completely trust them with it.
What? I can be deep! Again, sexual preference excluded... This time!!
So I'm moving back to Pretoria to live with my mother. I know, it's not the best idea ever, but come on, after all that?
Okay, so call me a coward for running away but I sure as hell don't want to run into my ex all the time and believe me... That's bound to happen.
I almost forgot to tell you the best part! My dad formally informed me some time ago that he no longer has any objections whatsoever when it comes to my... How did he put it?... "Declaration of imperishable yet indecorous tenderness regarding the same sex." No wait... I did tell you! Hence the "Once homophobic".
Now, as much as I would love to believe in my dad's sudden change of heart, I still think he hasn't fully wrapped his head around the fact that, you know, he might have to accept having a son-in-law one day or not having grandchildren.
Yeah sure, there are other options if I decide to have children, but it won't be his own grandchildren in a matter of speaking. Not that it bothers me, but I have a feeling he won't feel the same way about it.
From a very young age I could see that blood always meant a lot to my dad... God, I make him sound like a vampire.
What I'm trying to say is that although he doesn't necessarily accept my relationships with other guys... He's making an effort to accept the fact that I'm not going to change who I am.
If you're still with me, which I hope you are, let's continue with the story!
"You all packed?", his voice suddenly came through, startling me a bit. I thought I was the only one the house... A clear sign that I should never be in a horror movie!
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in an important meeting right now?"
"Yes I should, but I cancelled. I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye."
My dad? Missing a meeting? Aww he really is going to miss me! It's a miss- miss situation.
"Uh... Dad, I said goodbye to you last night."
"Oh details", he said pulling me in for a hug.
He involuntary wrapped his arms around me almost making me reached the point of I. Can't. Breath... Oh wait, there it is...
"Dad, desperately gasping for air here", I said sounding like a constipated bear.
"Oh sorry, I'm just gonna miss you so much."
Now it's a miss- miss- miss situation! Because I sure as hell am going to miss him too!
"I love you, dad."
"I love you too, son."
I slept through most of the flight and I was relieved when we finally arrived. It's not that I'm scared of flying, it's just the idea of putting my future in the hands of a man-made machine that kinda freaks me out.
Oh and luckily airports don't charge for emotional baggage (just saying).
The house looked exactly the same and nothing changed except for the decor, the furniture, the lighting, the colours, the feeling and the ambiance. On a scale of one to Martha Stuart, I'd say my mom went all out again...
"I really thought you forgot about you're mother, you know, the one who gave birth to you."
"How could I ever forget you? I have a recording of you in my head under the file: Lana "I kick your ass if you ever forget me" Hill.
"Hey", she said throwing me with one of the many pillows on the couch.
She stood up, like the perfectionist that she is, and returned the pillow to it's original place. Her arms warmly wrapped around me as she pulled me in for a hug.
"It's so good to have you back."
"Good to be back."
My mother oozes beauty and sophistication (true story). She has long blonde hair, mostly in a professional high-up ponytail, with a flawless complexion and irresistible fruit punch lips.
Her most prized possession has to be her eyes though. She has these strange grey coloured eyes, almost the exact same colour of a winter sky on a bright summers day. They resemble a deep pool of "look at me".
My thoughts were startled by the sound of the doorbell.
"I have a surprise for you", she said beaming with happiness.
"Oh god, please don't tell me you have another son too."
She went to open the door and in they came!
"Uncle Sam! Aunt Helen!", I exclaimed excitedly.
They moved to America so I haven't seen them in about two years. Excuse me while I pull out a hanky.
"Now we see why everyone says you look like your mom. Finally, some truth in advertising", Aunt Helen said ending the embrace.
"Wait a minute. If you're here, that means... Jo- Bear!" I exclaimed ecstaticly.
"Kee-Bear!" My nephew came running up to me wearing a Spider-Man costume and in one swift motion he jumped into my arms.
He's the epitome of adorably cute! Baby lion cubs ain't got nothing on Jordan and he's quite the comedian, too.
I remember babysitting him this one time and he tried in vain to get a bottle of pills open, so I explained to him that the bottle is child proof. Eyes wide with wonder he asked me: "But how does it know it's me?" It was hilarious.
We conversed about everything and anything for a while when I noticed Jordan had the "Please stop, My ears are bleeding" look on his face. I hated the feeling accompanied with that face when I was little.
"Why don't you come help me unpack?", I asked giving him the winking signal.
His eyes lit up as his mouth formed a smile.
We made my way to my room and I started unpacking. He sat down on my bed... Okay, "sat down" is a bit of an understatement.
"So I was thinking we could get some ice cream later."
"My mom says too much sugar is bad for your teeth but I guess that's what densist are for."
Isn't he just a treasure? Not really the kind you find on treasure maps but a treasure nonetheless.
"You probably mean dentists?"
"I don't know, you're the adult here."
"Okay Nancy Drew, you've made your point. So is that a yes?"
"I see I'm going to have to take things slow around you."
I know right? He reminds me of someone too. This should be interesting...
*Author's note: My sincere apologies for not finishing "Finding my way home". I'm not going to get into why I did not complete the story but let's just say I'm not a big fan of thunderstorms anymore.
"Next time you hear the sound of thunder
Don't get too pissed.
Just save your work
and say these magic words:
"Fuck you, Thunder.
You can lick my stick.
I prevented another blunder
So, you can suck my dick."
*My pimped out version of The Thunder Buddy Song (Eat your heart out Ted)
Sorry, I felt an obligation. Anyway... I hope this one makes up for it!