My straight friend

There's no sex in this one, so I'm prepared for it to not do very well, but I felt like they needed another slower chapter. This one is heavily inspired by real life events from a couple of years ago. I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to share your feedback in the comments. I enjoy reading them.

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I woke up around half past 1 p.m. the next day. The room was dark. Jeremy had probably drawn the curtains at some point to block the daylight. I looked towards his bed but found it empty. Bummer. I had hoped we’d be able to talk before rejoining the others. Guess there’s no such thing as too many assurances that things are fine when you’ve fucked your straight best friend last night.

I sat up and stretched my arms above my head before leaving the bed. I went through my bags and picked up a pair of underwear. Red and black jocks that an ex of mine had gotten me for Valentine’s a few years ago. I put them on and went to brush my teeth and wash my face. I found myself stalling a bit as I went through my mourning routine. I could hear some of the others, had already woken up. Voices and laughter crept through the bedroom door, just enough to let me know people were there, but not enough to make out what they were saying.

I couldn’t pick out Jeremy’s voice. I found myself wondering if they had heard us. If they had, would they confront him about it? If they did, how would he react? Would he leave? I looked back in the bedroom and his stuff was there. I peeked through the curtains, and looked for his car, but couldn’t see it. Did he park in the yard or behind the villa? I couldn’t remember.

I felt the tension in my stomach rise. I guess now that I was sober, I realized how many consequences what we did could have for him. I went back into the bathroom again and splashed my face with cold water.

“Calm down” I thought to myself. “He hasn’t left. Worst case scenario, he hopped to one of the neighboring villages for alcohol or something like that.”

I dried my face again. Put on some socks, a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, and left the bedroom. I made my way to the kitchen where a few people had gathered. I saw Nat and Alex sitting together on the kitchen sofa talking, Sean, another dude from university and his cousin Jess were washing dishes.

“Morning.” I said a bit too quietly probably.

“Heey, sleeping beaty awoke. You stayed up a bit too late last night or what?” Sean teased sarcastically.

“What?” I asked already starting to panic.

“Why’d you go to bed so early last night dude? And now you’re sleeping through half the day? You’re missing all the fun.”

“Oh, let him be, Sean. He’s probably tired from the week, plus tonight’s the main event so he hasn’t missed anything.” Said Jess.

“Yeah, I had to do some extra time at work to get Friday evening off so that I could make it here for last night. Guess it just tired me out.”

I looked around the kitchen for some coffee or breakfast but didn’t see either.

“There’s pancakes and coffee in the living room. I think Jeremy and Kate might still be there unless they also decided to go for a hike in the mountain like the others. I think there might be something there, he was dancing with her last night.” Said Nat.

“Could be. Time will tell.” I replied trying to sound unbothered, while also figuring out if I was bothered at all. For all I knew he was drunk and horny and doesn’t even remember last night. Of course he’s still gonna be pursuing girls.

“Anyway, I’ll go eat something and see who’s here. See you later guys.” I said as I made my way towards the living room where we partied last night.

“See ya.” I heard them say back as I walked through the hallway to the living room.

I heard muffled voices as I approached the door. I opened it and saw Kate and Andrew talking on the couch. Interesting.

“Morning guys. Hope I’m not interrupting.” I said as I entered and made my way towards the dining table.

“Not at all. I was just telling Andrew how I barely got any sleep last night, turns out the same happened to him.” Kate said in a teasing tone.

“Oh.” I said as I poured myself some coffee, my back facing them. “Why’s that?” I asked, trying to seem nonchalant.

“Dude, come on.” Andrew said giggling. “You’re a loud bottom. You know that, right? Since when are you two..”

“We’re not. Just..” I took a deep breath and drank a big sip of coffee. Fuck… of course someone heard us. For all I know, they all did.

“We’re not.” I said again “Not that that is any of your business, but just please, don’t talk about it with the others, for now at least.”

I knew they both were cool, but I didn’t know if they could resist gossiping around, and I didn’t want Jeremy to feel pressured into explaining himself to anyone.

“Ok, ok. Sorry.” Said Kate quickly. “I was just surprised, that’s all. He was all over me last night and then you know. Next thing I hear is him blowing out your back.”

“Yeah dude, it was just unexpected. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think anyone else heard anything.”

“There’s that at least.” I said somewhat relieved. “I’d appreciate it if you kept it a secret until he’s figured himself out.” I pleaded. “Please.”

“Kyle, it’s ok. It’s staying between us. Sorry if the teasing came out wrong. I tried to talk to Jer as well earlier, but I think he kind of freaked out and just ran off with the others on a hike or something. If you get to talk to him before me, make sure to mention I am sorry.”

“Shit.” I mumbled under my nose. I knew firsthand how confusing experimenting can be and the thought of him just spiraling while trying to behave as usual made me a bit sad.

“Did they leave a while ago? Maybe I can catch up with them?”

“I’m not sure man, maybe like half an hour ago or something like that.” Andrew said “They mentioned they’d be heading for that waterfall nearby and Ashley’s with them so they’re probably taking their sweet time walking there. You could probably catch up.”

I ate two pancakes as quickly as I could and finished the cup of coffee. In less than 15 minutes I had changed for a hike in the snowy mountain and ran out of the front door. I didn’t know how much comfort I would be to him, but in my mind, I assumed that it was always better to know there’s someone on your side beside you.

I was prepared for a rather exhausting journey if I wanted to catch up to them, but I had barely stepped out when I heard someone chopping wood. I turned the corner of the house and saw him in a rather secluded part of the yard, swinging an axe and chopping log after log, and then piling them up. I watched him briefly, his stance, the strength in his swings, but realized that if I wanted to talk to him, just the two of us, this was the perfect opportunity, so it wasn’t the time for silent admiration.

I walked over to him, slowly, and sat down on the ground a few meters away from him.

“Hey.” I said, but he didn’t reply right away.

“Hey.” He said after chopping two more logs. “They heard us.”

“I know, that’s why I wanted to talk to you.” I said quietly. “It’s just Andrew and Kate, I think, and I talked to them. They won’t tell anyone. You’re good.” I said reassuringly. “I know it’s not ideal, but the secret’s safe. No one’s gonna say shit to you.”

“Oh, I know.” He said quickly. “Anyone says shit to me about fucking a guy, they’ll find a fist up their ass.”

“Oh..” I exclaimed rather surprised “Well then… why are you here, all alone, looking all moody and shit? And Kate said..”

“Yeah Kate.. I guess I’m just pissed at myself that my initial reaction was to run off. Cause you know.. I ‘ll kick anyone’s ass if they’re being a jerk to you for being gay, but then my first thought when she confronted me was ‘oh no, she knows I fucked a dude.’” He sighed deeply “It’s just hypocritical, and I felt like a douche, as if my brain thought it’s ok if others are gay, but you know, not me, I’m a man. And just to be clear I don’t think that, but I guess I also kind of do, If I reacted the way I did, and I don’t want you to see me as someone who thinks that. I just panicked and that’s a really dumb thing to panic about considering my particular circumstances.”

It felt weird to see him wrestling with that struggle. It almost made me chuckle because of how familiar it felt. We remained silent for a bit. He kept on chopping wood, and I kept on watching him.

“I get that.” I said eventually. It was difficult to figure out what to say. I didn’t want him to feel like I was telling him what and how to feel, but I also didn’t want to tell him to simply figure it out on his own.

“You know it took me years before I eventually tried bottoming.” I told him.

“What?” He asked confused by what I had just said.

“Back in high school I didn’t really get to come out on my own terms. My relationship with my parents went to shit for a while. They ended up saying a lot of hurtful things and some of them stuck with me for a long time. And I guess it was that and a lot of internalized issues that resulted in me having the mindset of ‘It’s okay, I only top. I’m still a man.’ It was all bullshit, but yeah… I was always drawn to it of course but felt so incredibly guilty about it. As if all the homophobic shit my dad would say, would only be true if I took a dick up the ass.”

He stopped chopping the wood and sat down next to me on the ground.

“I’m sorry.” he said simply as he leaned against me.

“Yeah… anyway, eventually I worked through it, and now I bottom so hard that Kate and Anrew know that you were, and I quote, ‘blowing my back out’ last night.” I said, softly laughing. “The sad truth is that we’re all a bit homophobic in the beginning. Some, long after as well. Don’t beat yourself up about it. What matters is that, whether you’re straight or bi, you know it’s all bullshit, and what happened last night makes you no less of a man” I said and turned my head to smile at him, only to be surprised by his lips landing on mine. It was a quick peck. I wasn’t sure what the intent behind it was, but I still felt my cheeks going red. It was a kiss that wasn’t born of drunken passion.

“By the way, Kate says she’s sorry if she was a dick to you earlier today.” I said and chuckled.