Matt, the Fainting Musclebottom

After a thorough shower, I walked into the room to see Matt slipping into khaki dress pants without underwear.

“No jockstrap tonight?”

“Nah, this one’s soaking wet and I can’t rush through my underwear like that on vacation! So I’m freeballing tonight.”

I knew myself well enough that just the knowledge of Matt going commando during a formal dinner with my parents would drive me crazy with desire. I knew my own underwear would have to be tight enough to conceal a hard-on.

Even without this knowledge, Matt looked amazing: the tight-fitting dress pants were complimented by a blue short-sleeved button-down shirt. I wore black pants and a white polo shirt. Walking down the outdoor stairs to meet my parents, I couldn’t keep my hands off the khaki-clad butt walking in front of me. I noticed the trousers were really skintight as they showed off those marvellous cheeks.

“Ah, young love”, I heard my mother’s voice say just as I was squeezing away.

My Mom had just turned the corner of the house with empty glasses in her hand to go inside and looked up the staircase as we finished its lower steps.

We must have looked embarrassed, as she continued:

“Please don’t be shy to be touchy feely around us. It’s so good to see our Alex in love, at last.”

Now at the bottom of the stairs, I showed I had listened to her as I put my arm around Matt’s shoulders.

“We’re sitting on the front lawn, having a drink before we go. Iced tea?”

“That sounds great”, Matt put his perfect son-in-law charm back on that had been turned off for the last hour. It’s sort of hot that I just railed him up the ass one floor up and now we were on lawn chairs sipping iced tea with my parents.

At dinner, my father declared that there would be red wine on the table, as a toast was most certainly in order.

“I would like to bring out a toast to my wonderful son, Alex, gracing us with a visit down here in Florida. I am glad we are not a family that only sees each other at Christmas. And a toast to the wonderful gentleman he brought with him, Matthew. I hope you feel welcome with us this week and you certainly landed yourself a beautiful man with my Alex. Cheers!”

“And cheers to you, Erin and Bob, for inviting me into your home without having met me. You surely have a wonderful son and it is privilege to finally meet his parents. Cheers!”

“Cheers!”

I smiled, my parents meeting Matt is surely going well so far. When Matt revealed to my Dad he used to play golf, I knew he was in. When Matt used the restroom in between courses, my Mom said “his butt is like a shelf”.

“Erin!”, my Dad seems shocked at this statement.

I gasped and looked at her.

“You looked, too!” she pointed at me. “And your butt is also very nice”, she told my father. I covered my face with my hands.

“Now I know it’s the wine talking”, my Dad replied. “Can we have another bottle of this, please?”, he asked as our waitress walked by.

Then I suddenly realized Matt was drinking. In the last six months he hadn’t been drinking since the incidents in my shower. I would have a beer now and then but he would always stick to soda or water when we went out.

“Are you OK?” I asked when he returned. He didn’t seem unstable as he walked back to the table.

“I’m doing great, actually”, he said as he planted a kiss on my lips.

Mom clearly meant what she said earlier, as she seemed thrilled to witness a kiss between Matt and me. My Dad looked down and fidgeted with his silverware.

“Oh you mean, alcohol-wise?” Matt then asked. “I am keeping a slow pace, I’ll be fine”. He winked at me.

He turned to my parents and said “I don’t drink alcohol very often so I’m a bit of a lightweight. I made a bit of a fool of myself the day we first met, I’m afraid”.

My parents couldn’t tell yet, but I did notice the effects of the alcohol on Matt already. This clearly isn’t a story my parents should hear and Matt seemed to realize that halfway through telling it.

“So I remember our first kiss, thankfully. But your son was a true gentleman with me”. He had ended the story without telling them the parts I had to inform him about the next morning.

As the fourth bottle of wine was opened during the main course, my mother said that tomorrow we were invited for a game of beach volleyball and a barbecue with the lovely new neighbours. Dad interrupted and told Matt that a game of golf would have to be fit in somewhere as well.

“You bet, Bob!”, Matt said as he let my Dad fill his glass up to the rim.

“Calm down, he said he’s a lightweight”, my Mom said, laughing.

“I’ll be fine, I don’t even feally reel it”, we all laughed at Matt’s reply. I knew I would have to be careful getting him home.

Once my Dad insisted on paying the full bill and then asked the waitress for a cab to be ordered, we all got up. I helped Matt to get up and told him to go slowly so he wouldn’t get disoriented. He wrapped his arms around my neck. His shirt got untucked from his pants, showing a sexy bit of stomach.

“Do you really think I will fall over if you’re not here to support me?”, he smiled at me and gave me another kiss.

“You reckon you’re going to be fine without me?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely, mate. Watch me go!”

Matt walked backwards towards the exit, with his arms spread out like a magician who just performed a trick. He however hadn’t seen the waiter with the tray behind him, who had stopped dead in his tracks as Matt and his massive body approached. The waiter put his hand on Matt’s back to avoid a collision. This is what caused Matt to lose his balance.

Matt tried to reach for a chair that was close but he seemed to slip and instead fell across the seat of it. I heard a rip and a bang as his stomach landed on the chair. The reason for the rip first became clear as the beautiful khaki dress pants had given way to the constant pressure of Matt’s bulging bubble butt against the fabric. Because exactly this night he had decided to go commando, he was showing off his big bare ass to the whole restaurant. Matt laid still, however, as he seemed to have hit his head against the table, causing him to lay unconscious, ass-up, with his limbs and head dangling off the seat.

Everyone seemed sort of frozen in time as this took place. The waiter was the first to come into action as he put his tray down on the table and squatted next to Matt’s body draped over the chair.

“Sir?”

I walked toward them as well, avoiding the look of my parents.

“Sir, are you with me?”

I rubbed Matt’s back as I kneeled to the other side of the chair.

The waiter saw me and looked so apologetic “I am so sorry Sir, this is my fault”.

“Don’t worry, he also had a bit too much to drink.”

“You don’t understand. His head hit the table because I pushed him. I was scared to drop the drinks.”

The waiter had been standing at a different angle than me and my parents and maybe saw more than I did.

“Is he bleeding from his head?”, I asked as the waiter sat closer to Matt’s head.

“No, there is no cut, but I can tell where he hurt himself. Will leave a nasty bruise.”

My parents were now just standing behind Matt, blocking the view of his behind to the rest of the restaurant. I saw that Shelly, who waited on us and flirted with Matt all night, also looked on with a concerned look on her face.

I moved myself closer to Matt’s face so I could slap his face a few times.

“Babe”, I said. No reaction. “Could you hand me that glass of iced water?”, I asked the waiter.

The waiter, who I now saw had a nametag, Chuck, gave me the glass from his tray over Matt’s body. I took an ice cube and rubbed it all over Matt’s face and neck.

Matt started to stir. He first asked where he was, but as he got up that changed to “What happened?”

Chuck insisted Matt get up slowly so he could find his footing. As he stood, I could now see the bruise on his head. It looked worse than what he ended up with in my bathroom at the time. As he stood up and turned around, the rip in his pants seemed less severe as when he laid bent over. Noticeable, but not as revealing. Matt seemed oblivious to this.

“Do you feel OK?” my Mom asked.

“A bit woozy”, he smiled as he then rubbed his head. “Ow! And my head hurts”.

“You fell and hit your head on the table. Would you like me to call an ambulance, Sir, just to be certain?” Chuck asked.

Matt said there was no need and that he just needed a lie down. I could tell he was embarrassed as he realised he had had another public loss of consciousness.

“Thank you both so much”, he told Chuck and Shelly. “Come on, let’s get back” he motioned for us to leave.

I held his arm as he still seemed a bit wobbly as we walked outside. It must have been the outside air as he suddenly looked at his butt and asked “Did I bust out of my slacks?”

“I’m afraid you did”, my Mom chuckled.

“I had to keep that Shelly to keep her hands off of you!”, my Dad joked.

Matt buried his face in his hands. “Oh crikey. I am so embarrassed. I’m sorry, Bob and Erin. Not the greatest of impressions on the first day”.

“You have made a brilliant first impression, Matthew” and “Don’t worry about that”, my parents told him as we walked towards the taxi that just pulled up. Matt tried to keep the fabric of his pants together as we walked and he told me “I am mortified”.

When we got home, my parents told us to go upstairs so Matt could lie down.

“I am so sorry, babe, I can’t believe your parents saw my arse”, Matt took the pants off and went to lie down on the bed on his stomach.

“Honestly, it was kind of hot to see you laying there”, I also took my clothes off.

“I think your brain has connected me being out cold to sex by now and I’m not sure I like it”, Matt chuckled.

“I think my brain connects your naked ass in the air to sex”. I was now lying on my side next to him, both of our bodies naked. I caressed his back and then the curves of his buttocks.

“I can’t tonight, babe, and literally because I have a bit of a headache”, he smiled and gave me a kiss.

“You’re forgiven”, I winked.

We cuddled and slowly fell asleep in each other’s arms on top of the covers.

To be continued...