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A Marine Called Jason

Part III

Chapter Fourteen

My Eulogy, My Tribute

It was the biggest funeral I ever attended. They held it at the school gymnasium because the funeral home was too small. Wisely, Allen didn't show up wearing his armband. Two of his friends weren't so considerate; I guessed he hadn't given them my message. I pondered whether to make an issue of it and decided against it, for the time being. I would take care of it at the cemetery.

Two of the Marine honor guard took up positions at the casket and I was seated with Mrs. And Mrs. Seaborne, at their invitation. The priest gave a good sermon. He obviously knew Jason as a boy and he made it personal. He even made us laugh. He went on to extol Jason's bravery and patriotism. I sat with my eyes fixed on the flag-draped coffin, trying to picture him inside. I was so uptight with emotion I felt like I might explode or burst out in sobs. But I had vowed that wouldn't happen. I would suck it up as he would expect me to do.

Afterwards the minister invited others to the podium to speak. Several did, including his high school football coach, and a teacher. Two female classmates spoke, and there was no doubt in my mind from the way they spoke of him that that they'd had the pleasure of his manhood. His former boss spoke about when he worked at a lumberyard. Several of his former teammates made us laugh and cry telling about their antics with Jason. Even the boy who Jason had beaten the crap out of got up and spoke. Mrs. Seaborne patted my arm and asked me if I would like to say something but I declined. I could not say what I felt for the man. But she had apparently already told the minister that I would probably want to speak and the next thing I knew, he was introducing me.

"Mrs. Seaborne has told me that there is one here who most surely has something to say today. He is the man who knew Jason better than anyone. He served with Jason in Vietnam and he is the one who had the honor and the privilege and the duty to bring Jason home. I would like to introduce to you Sgt. Brad Courter."

I felt trapped but I had to say something. I found my courage in the ridiculous image of Jason laughing at that moment. Let's see you pull our ass out of this one, he would be saying. Even as I stood and went to the podium, I didn't know what I would say. The first thing that came to mind was the military oath. I spoke the words slowly and distinctly.

"I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God." I paused, gathering my new courage. "Many of you here recognize those words. These are the words you repeated at your own swearing in. No man spoke these words with more true faith and allegiance and conviction than Jason did. He lived by them." I paused again. I felt more at ease now, and confident that the words I needed to speak would come.

"Jason died a SEAL, one of the most highly trained men in our armed forces, I'm sure with no regrets and without apology, as it should be. I wondered where he found his courage, because he had it in uncommon measures. He would tell you that courage is a word used in speeches, that nobody is courageous or brave; you're scared, doing what you were ordered to do, and trying to stay alive doing it. But I knew him. He had courage beyond measure."

I directed my next words to his parents. "Take solace that he is in good company. Not just with his Maker, but with his comrades, with many who never came out of that jungle where Hell reared its ugly head all around them. He is with men who are at peace with themselves and what they were ordered and compelled to do. I'm not sure that the minister will agree with me on this but I believe that men who have endured combat and the hell that follows them through life, get a pass to the front of the line that others don't get. Because they are in the company of the only other man who said, 'I will die for you.'"

"I don't know how all of you knew him or how he touched your lives. I knew him as the bravest man I've ever met, a comrade in arms with a sharp wit and a no nonsense approach to life. Most of all, he was my best friend. A man I greatly respected and admired. My hero. I never told him that. He would have been embarrassed. I know he's laughing that I had to get up here and say good things about him but he's scowling about now at what I've said. Well, as a Marine to a SEAL, I will embarrass you one more time." I turned to his casket and came to attention. "You've paid your dues.....Rest well, my friend." And I saluted him.

I was stunned that people rose to their feet, applauding, and it embarrassed me; he had the last laugh after all. His mother took my hand in both of hers as I sat back down and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

At the end of the service the Marines took their positions as pallbearers and I followed the casket out to the hearse. Again, I was asked to ride in the limo with Jason's parents. Again, Allen wasn't with us.

"It's so sad that Allen feels the way he does," Mrs. Seaborne said.

I wanted to add reprehensible and inexcusable but I didn't say anything. He was, after all, her son. Neither I nor Mr. Seaborne said anything. I thought it was more than sad, it was a personal insult and a disgrace, showing disrespect even to his parents.

The procession from the gym to the cemetery was so long that they had the local police and the sheriff's department directing traffic and parking in the little country cemetery. Looking back, I saw no end to it. They said there were still cars in the school parking lot even as the cemetery was filling up.

Allen looked more angry than sad while standing behind his parents at the grave with who I presumed to be his girlfriend who looked like she'd just left her lamp post to attend. Jason wouldn't have minded one bit....he would have been first in line to fuck her brains out... but it was a disgrace to his parents. I was having a tough time keeping my composure. I almost lost it, as much from rage as from grief or sadness. When the honor guard fired the twenty-one-gun salute, the two peaceniks actually turned their backs to the casket. It was all I could do to hold my rage in check. But it was not the time or place to vent it. Through the playing of taps I could see the anger on the faces of the other Marines, their jaws tight, the muscles in their faces bulging. Allen glared when the flag was presented to his mother. She took it warmly and held it to her breast before she laid it in her lap. Her husband put his hand over her hands on the flag.

The guys who had turned their backs walked away as the flag was being presented. I was getting more pissed by the minute. I waited for the priest to say his final words and extend the invitation on behalf of the family for everyone to go back to the church to eat, with a special invitation the military contingent, then I stepped back and followed the protestors walking across the cemetery.

"Hey, scumbags," I called quietly.

They stopped and turned around with a surprised look.

"Hold up, assholes," I said. We were far enough away from the gravesite that no one could hear me. I half expected them to run. I didn't know if it was defiance or fear that kept them from it.

"The man in that casket won you the right to wear that Goddamned cowardly arm-band," I said. "The least you could do is honor that service and show some respect for his parents."

"We're only trying to stop more of them from coming home in a casket," one of them said angrily.

"That arm band is going to stop the war?" I scoffed.

"This wasn't the time or the place for it," someone said from behind.

I glanced around and there were four of the Marines.

"Wherever we can be heard is the time and place for it," the other young man said.

"Why don't you all take off the armbands and put on the uniform and help end it?" one of the Marines said.

"It's not our way," the youth said.

"You're right. It's not the coward's way," the Marine said, and he spat on the youth's shoes.

"If this wasn't a cemetery, I would tromp your sorry, cowardly asses into the ground," one of the other Marines said.

"I'll bet you're good at it. I'll bet you're all good at it," the youth said with contempt.

"I'm damned good at it," one said. "I just wish I could show you how good I am."

Tempers were going to flare and I intervened before things could get out of hand. "Guys we need to keep this dignified," I said. "You're making a scene. Go back with your unit. I'll take care of it."

We had moved behind a large private mausoleum. Grudgingly, three of the Marines walked away. The fourth one lingered close by. I didn't need his help but it was called having my back.

"I suppose you expect us to thank you for saving our asses," the youth said.

"No, you don't thank me for a damned thing," I snapped. "You owe your thanks to the guy in the casket. I just want to say, I hope you don't live around here, because if you do....well, you see, I'll be here for a couple more days, and if you see me, run. Run like hell, otherwise, they're going to be gathering up body parts. For now, I'll settle for the armbands."

I thought I'd made my point but neither of them made any move to take them off. The other Marine came up and looking all around, he suddenly he grabbed the protestor who had been doing the talking, around his neck and brought his knee hard up into his groin. The youth doubled over in excruciating pain. Whatever the reason he didn't cry out and I gave him credit for that.

"Just wanted to see if you had any balls," the Marine said, leaving the man to slump to the ground, back against the mausoleum. "Now take off the fuckin' armband like the sergeant said."

The other one blanched, removing the armband as he crouched down with his friend. He took his friend's armband off as well and tossed them both at me. I let them fall to the ground then ground them into the ground with the toe of my boot.

"You're damned lucky that's not your face," the Marine said.

I grabbed the Marine by the arm and we left them there looking pale as ghosts and went back to the gravesite. The other Marines hadn't gone far.

"We thought we would hang back and see if you needed us for anything," one of them said.

"No, it's taken care of, all it can be," I said. "Are you guys going to the funeral dinner?"

"We were waiting to see if you are."

"Yes. I think his parents would be honored," I said.

"Then we'll all go."

"Just keep your cool," I warned.

"We will, Sarge. Do you want to ride with us?"

I saw Allen was walking with his parents to the limo so I told them yes. The workers were standing back a respectable distance as if they were waiting for me to leave.

"We're waiting for you to give the okay, Sergeant," one of them said.

"Hold up for a minute," I said.

I went to tell Mr. and Mrs. Seaborne that I would be riding with the honor guard back to the church. I waited till the limo had pulled out of the cemetery then told the workers they could finish their work. I stood at attention and saluted as the casket was lowered into the ground. When it sank out of sight into the gaping maw of the grave and I dropped my salute, I saw the men of the honor guard dropping their salutes as well. The worker handed me a shovel. First I took the handkerchief out of my breast pocket and shook the dirt from Vietnam into the grave. It landed like dry raindrops on the casket. I stuffed the handkerchief back in my pocket and took the shovel. I slammed it into the freshly turned earth and tossed the shovelful into the gaping hole. I'd heard that sound only once before, of dirt landing on a casket, at an uncle's funeral. I did not remember it being so loud or harsh. I handed the shoved back and thanked the worker, then walked away toward the black SUV without looking back. I waited while the other Marines did the honor of shoveling dirt onto Jason's casket.

We Marines didn't mingle at the dinner, but stood aside, being inconspicuous as possible in full dress blues. I was surprised how many of the younger people our own age avoided us while the older people came up to us with their gratitude and respect. One exception was the young athlete I'd met at the football field. He came right up to me with his hand out.

"Damned impressive service," he said.

"Yes, it was."

"He would've been proud of that."

"No more than I was proud of him," I said.

"Too bad his brother is such an asshole," he said.

"Jason didn't hold that against him."

"If I ever join the military... and I expect I will... Jason and guys like you will be the reason," he said.

"No, it'll be because of something deeper than that. It'll be because of who you are," I said. "But thank you, from both of us, and the Marines would be proud to have you." I looked him up and down, openly. "And I don't think you would have any trouble handling the Marines."

Two very hot young women I'd seen at the wake were at the dinner but not with the boys they'd been crying on. Every time I looked their way they were looking at me. At one point I nodded and smiled to recognize their presence. They finally came over to me. That in itself was an event. By that I mean it was an event just to watch them walk in their modestly short, tight skirts and high heels. They introduced themselves-Madeline and Courtney-as friends with Jason in high school. They were in town from Cincinnati for his funeral.

"We wanted to thank you personally and privately for bring Jason home to us," Courtney said, taking my hand in both of hers.

"It was my honor and privilege," I said. She wasn't letting go of my hand and I felt her draw her fingers across my palm several times.

Madeline took hold of my arm. "We're in town for another night. We would like to invite you for a drink at our hotel if you have time before you have to go back."

"I don't know if I can arrange that but I thank you for the invitation," I said, very aware of her hand squeezing my bicep. I flexed it for her and she squeezed harder.

"It would be fun to have the opportunity to talk with someone who knew him better than anyone on the planet. You must have some wonderful stories to tell," she said.

"Not many that he would want me to tell in polite company," I said.

"No one said it had to be polite company," Courtney said.

"You can bring any or all of your other Marine buddies," Madeline put in.

"Oh, we're not together," I said. 'They're from a Marine detachment in Dayton or Columbus. They probably have to get back."

"That's all right, you're the one with all the stories," Madeline said.

"If I can......"

"The hotel is downtown," Madeline said. "Call room 124, we'll meet you in the bar."

When the girls had left one of the honor guards came up and asked, "Where are all the peace-pricks?"

Allen was there but the rest....nobody knew and nobody cared.

I was pondering the girls' invitation, trying to decide if it would be inappropriate, even disrespectful, to take them up on it. What would Jason say or do if the situation was reversed. I had to think only for a moment to answer that; he would do it in a heartbeat, especially with the other Marines involved. I went over to where the Marines were standing off to the side; four corporals--Landon, Foster, Smith and Atlee--a PFC Campbell and Sergeant Manley. They gathered round when I approached them.

"Listen, I've got an invitation from those two girls I was talking to, to meet them at their hotel for a drink."

"So, do you want us to hang around for a while longer in case those peace pricks come back?" Sergeant Manley said.

"No, the invitation extends to you guys, if you can make it," I said.

Their eyes lit up and they looked at their sergeant. He had a serious look and was shaking his head.

"I don't know, we really need to get back and get the vehicle and the rifles checked in," he said.

I could see their disappointment. "From one Marine to another....that mission doesn't take six men, does it, Sarge?" I said.

He thought for a brief moment. "No, I guess it doesn't. But how do my men get back?"

"I've got a military vehicle, I'll drive them back," I said.

"Okay, but one of you has to come with me. Which one is going to be?"

That put them in a bind, till Corporal Atlee said, "Well, these things are usually settled according to rank."

I saw the young PFC's face fall. There was a brief moment of indecision as the sergeant waited for them to agree on the corporal's solution, then Corporal Atlee said, "Aww, fuck it, I'll go back with you, Sarge. This might be a good time for Campbell to lose his cherry."

They all laughed and PFC Campbell's turned red but there was also relief on his face that he was being allowed to stay back.

We paid our respects to Mr. and Mrs. Seaborne and excused ourselves early from the gathering at the church. Mrs. Seaborne thanked each one of us and hugged and thanked me for bringing her boy home. Mr. Seaborne was able only to shake our hands. As the others were leaving I was surprised that Allen had the decency to come over to me as I was walking to the door. The others paused just outside the door. I didn't think they trusted me to stay back by myself.

"Despite our differences, I thank you for seeing my brother home," he said.

"I did it for him," I said coolly.

"I see how much you hate me, but someday soon, you'll see that we were right."

"I don't hate you, I just don't respect you. But you know what? I would rather come back like my buddy back there than to ever see the day you are right," I said. "Just one more thing. The flag that draped his casket; if it were ever to disappear and catch on fire....as long as it takes, I will hunt you down, along with every one of your asshole friends, I will cut your balls off... if I can find any... and I will feed them to you. I hope you hear me, mister, because a Marine does not make idle threats."

He cocked his head back in surprise then he quickly turned and walked away.

We all piled into the car and Sgt. Manley drove us back to the house. I asked Manley if I might have a couple of the empty cartridges. He reached into his pocket and brought out a handful.

"Aren't these supposed to be accounted for?" I asked.

"They got lost," he said.

I accepted the cartridges and thanked him. There were six in all.

The other four Marines and piled into my military vehicle and I drove downtown to the hotel.

"You owe me big time, Campbell," Corporal Atlee said just before they drove off.

I drove downtown and found the hotel and parked in the small lot to the side.

"You guys need to wait here till I go in and check things out," I said.

I got out of my car and went inside. I checked out the bar first. There was no sign of them so I went back to the desk.

"Would you call room 124, please. Madeline or Courtney," I asked the desk clerk. "Tell them there's someone waiting in the bar."

I went into the bar and ordered Jack Daniels that the guy wouldn't let me pay for.

"I know there're a lot of protestors but nobody in uniform pays for drinks here," he said.

"Sure beats being spit on," I said.

"You brought Jason Seaborne home."

"Yes, sir."

"How does that work? Do you get assigned that duty, or was he a buddy?"

"He was my best friend. He left instructions."

"Must be tough."

"But an honor," I said. "I noticed you didn't ask for ID."

"Marine, I don't care if you not old enough to have a drivers license, as long as you're wearing the uniform, you get served. You waiting on somebody?" he asked.

"Yeah, a couple of girls upstairs, they're meeting me here. They wanted to get together and reminisce about Jason. You might know them."

"What're their names?"

"Madeline and Courtney is all I know."

"Madeline Kessler and Courtney Black," he said with a wide smile. "Yeah, I know 'em. They were cheerleaders. Among other things. The town wasn't big enough to hold 'em, they moved to Indianapolis after graduation."

"That one thing you slipped in there.... among other things?"

"I shouldn't be talking about them," he said. "They were cheerleaders. They just happened to take it more seriously than most."

"Meaning?"

"Well, let's just say they took good care of the team. So you'd better be ready for a long, rough night," he said.

"Thanks for the heads up."

"No problem." He poured me another drink. "Do your buddy proud," he said.

"Actually, I've got backup," I said. "There are four more Marines from the honor guard waiting in the car. Do you think the girls will mind?"

He laughed heartily. "Mind? You'll all need recussitation by the time those babes are finished with you."

The girls came in looking even hotter than before. They greeted Sam, the bartender as they came up on either side of me and put their arms around me.

"We'll have what he's drinking," Madeline said.

"You know I can't serve you," Sam said as he drew two glasses of water and set them in front of the girls. Then he set the bottle of JD on the bar and pushed it toward me. "Why don't you take the ladies to that back booth there where they won't be so noticeable?"

We went to a booth in back of the place where it was dimly lit and deserted. The girls motioned for me to slide in first then Madeline slid in beside me; Courtney sat across from us.

"Sam's a sly one," Courtney said, taking a drink of water. Madeline did the same then they shoved their glasses toward me. I took my cue and refilled them with two fingers of Jack Daniels.

"Tell us about Jason," Madeline said.

"I'll be glad to but....you remember you said I could bring along the guys from the honor guard?"

"Yes. You brought them?"

"Four of them. They're waiting in the car."

"Oh my God! There are four of those hot Marines waiting outside!" Madeline exclaimed excitedly.

"So I should bring them in?" I asked.

"God, yes!" Madeline said.

"No," Courtney said, holding up her hand. "We shouldn't attract that much attention. We'll go back up to our room, you bring them up there. Take the stairs."

They left and I went out to get the other guys. I passed by the bar on the way told Sam to send up a fresh bottle of JD and laid a fifty dollar bill on the bar. He shoved it back.

"Naw, I'll add it to their room," he said.

As I approached the car I waved for the guys to get out of the car.

"They agreed to have us all up?" Corporal Foster said, wide-eyed.

"Yes. We go inside, quietly, and take the stairs," I said.

The door was unlocked and I held it open for the four Marines to go in.

"Oh....my....Godd!" one of them said under his breath when he saw the girls.

I was the last in and closed the door behind me. Courtney was sitting on the arm of the couch with one spike heel on the floor, her other leg cocked up revealing more thigh than would be allowed on the street. Madeline was at the small table pouring JD into the glasses.

"Welcome, troops," she said, handing two of the glasses to Courtney to pass on to the Marines. The boys stepped up to take the glasses, their eyes raking over her body sheathed in a tight, super short dress.

"Drink up," Courtney told them.

"Yes, Ma'am! Whatever you say," Corporal Landon said with a leering smile over the top of his glass.

Landon was the biggest of the four Marines, easily six-two and probably 230 pounds. He had the typical close dropped hair-they all did-that left barely enough on top to know he was blonde. The buzz down the back made his neck look even thicker.

His big hand wrapped around the glass like a ball glove.

Corporal Smith was the smallest at what I guess to be about five-nine, 165 pounds. Small but you could tell he was well put together under his uniform, from his shoulders and thick neck and the way his thighs filled out his pants. What little hair he had was coal black, matching his thick, back brows and dark eyes. He was clean shaven, of course, but still had a dark hue of a heavy beard.

Foster and Campbell were about equal in height and weight, I judged at nearly six feet and 190 pounds. Both had brownish hair and blue eyes. They looked as collegiate as they did Marines. Campbell had a look in his young eyes that couldn't hide his excitement and it made me think that he probably was, indeed, a virgin.

"So, tell us about Jason," Courtney said as she settled onto the couch with her legs crossed as women do, revealing her thighs nearly to her butt. Madeline parked her sumptuous butt half on the back of the couch.

"You probably knew him as well as I did, if not better. Why don't you tell me about Jason," I said.

They opened up, dabbing tears from time to time and smearing their mascara. They'd known him all through high school. He was a super athlete, popular with everybody, not just the girls.

"He wasn't a snob jock. He treated everybody the same," Courtney said.

"Well, not exactly the same. He never put anybody down or anything like that. He had a way of treating you special," Madeline said.

"Oh, did he ever," Courtney said.

"He took Courtney's virginity," Madeline said.

"Madeline! You don't have to tell everything you know!"

"Well, hell, Court, it was never a secret. You told everybody in school."

"I did not!"

"Well Jason didn't tell. You blabbed it at that sleepover."

"Then you and the other girls must have spread it all over school."

"If we hadn't, you would've taken out an ad in the school paper," Madeline said.

I knew it was all in fun and it made me reconsider my doubts about whether I should've come. The Marines were still wide-eyed and smiling that she had announced the news about her friend's virginity.

"He never talked about stuff like that," Madeline said to me. "He didn't have to brag. He was all action."

"For the record, he got your virginity, too," Courtney said.

"Yes. Mine and probably half the girls in school. Girls were lined up to give it to him. If they gathered up all the virginities he got, they wouldn't be able to fit them all in the gym. And that body. Godd, he had a body!" Suddenly she took on a different mood. "Oh dear, you must think we're total sluts, talking like this, just hours after you buried your best buddy. And we don't even know these Marines. But you asked us to tell you about Jason."

"No, no, I'm not offended, not in the least," I said. "I think he would somehow be honored that you're talking about him like this. And you're right, I did ask. And I'm sure these guys aren't offended.

"No, not at all," Landon said and the other's nodded in agreement.

"He was just an all-round great guy," Madeline went on. Not like most of the other jocks. He took his athletic prowess all in stride; it was no big thing for him. They convinced him to run for the president of the student council and he was running against Joy Brown. It was going to be a hands down win for him, he was so popular, and Joy was sort of a nerd but smart as hell. At a rally-sort of a campaign rally-in the gym, after Joy had given her speech, Jason stood up and withdrew from the running. He was so humble about it. He said he was embarrassed after hearing her speech, to even be running against her and hearing her ideas. Joy was embarrassed and stood up and told him he did not have to withdraw, and shouldn't. Jason sort of reared back and told her, "Joy, I am intimidated by you!" Everybody laughed, him standing there, twice as big as she was."

Courtney chimed in with another story. "I remember the Valentine's dance, all the girls were waiting to see who Jason would ask. He'd put the word out that he wasn't sure he was even going, but everybody still hoped. Well, two or three days before the dance he decided he would go. My locker was right beside Joy's and Melissa Grant's locker was on the other side of me. Here comes Jason down the hall. That he was even on our floor was excitement enough because his locker was on the first floor. You could almost hear Melissa's heart pounding. I was a little excited myself, thinking he just might ask me. I couldn't accept because I already had a date but it would've been nice to have him ask me instead of Melissa. He spoke to all of us, just an acknowledgement, then he sidled up to Joy. I'll never forget it. He said, "Joy, I know I'm a little late asking, but would you go to the dance with me?"

She laughed, remembering.

"Godd, I you could almost hear the steam coming out of Melissa's ears. There she was, the sexpot bombshell, and Jason, the stud, was asking nerdy Joy to the dance. Joy was taken aback and even a little embarrassed I think, and she told him he didn't have to do that. He said, "I know I don't have to, nobody's making me, but I'm asking, if it's not too late, would you please go to the dance with me?"

"She was so flustered but she managed to accept and he thanked her profusely and walked away happy as hell that she'd said yes. It was one of those go-figure moments. Joy was so nervous that she'd accepted, she didn't even have a dress and she didn't know if she could get a hair appointment. I told her I was sure I had something she could wear and I would get her into my aunt's beauty shop. So the stud took the nerdy girl to the dance and they had a great time. I think it must have been the greatest night of her life." She paused and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "He was just that kind of guy."

"So now you tell us about the Jason you knew," Courtney said.

Oh, if only I could, I thought. "There's not a lot I can tell you that you would understand or want to hear. He was in the business of killing."

"Well, I'm sure he was very good at that, too," Madeline said.

"That wasn't a nice thing to say," Courtney admonished her.

"No, it's okay," I said. "He was very good at his job and he was proud of what he did."

"Jason always put everything he had into everything he did," Madeline said rather solemnly.

"And he had a lot to put in," Courtney said, more under her breath.

"Courtney!"

Suddenly Madeline began crying. "I just miss him so," she sobbed. "We almost never saw each other after graduation, he went right into the service, but I knew he was here, somewhere on this earth, and that was like comfort and hope, knowing I would see him again eventually. I just never thought it would be like this."

Courtney put her arm around her and I reached over and squeezed her hand.

Suddenly, with a toss of her head, she shook it off. "Oh God, I hate it when I do that. And he wouldn't like it at all, me carrying on so over him. He would want us to get over it and remember the good times."

"Yeah, he didn't like anybody making a fuss over him," I said.

Courtney went over to the table and grabbed the bottle to pour another round of drinks. "I love it when we're sneaking behind the law like this," she said.

"You all must be about the same age as Jason. How do you get served?" Madeline asked.

I patted my stripes and said, "They don't usually card a man in uniform."

"What is your rank?"

"Sergeant."

"What was Jason's rank?"

"He was a corporal."

"Is a sergeant higher than a corporal?"

The others laughed at her ignorance.

"Yes, but that takes nothing away from Jason, believe me. He was Navy, I'm Marines, they do things differently."

"Back to the good times," she said. "I'm going to tell one more story then I think we should hear some Marine stories." She took a long sip of JD. "Courtney blabbed that Jason got my virginity, which he did. But it's where it happened that makes it even more special," she began.

"I don't think you ever told me where it happened," Courtney said.

"Well, it wasn't on the team bus like happened with most girls."

"Where, then?" one of the Marines asked.

"In the locker room."

Courtney muffled her gasp with her hand. "He came into the girls' locker room?"

"No, silly, in the boys' locker room."

"You went in the boys' locker room!"

"He had it all arranged. It was after a game, after everybody left. Adam Cole came out with his gym bag and told me it was safe, Jason was waiting on me. He let me in and told me to be sure and slide the bolt on the door."

"Weren't you scared?" Courtney asked.

"Weren't you, the first time? Yes, a little, I'd heard the rumors about Jason. But I was more nervous than scared. There were hardly any lights on in the locker room, and I could hear the water running back in the showers. I went back there and there he was under the shower in his jockstrap. I told him I didn't know guys showered in their jockstraps. He said they didn't but he didn't want to scare me right off. He asked me if I wanted to join him but he didn't wait for an answer. He came over and started pulling up my sweater. He took off everything but my panties. Even my bra. I was shaking but he told me not to be nervous or scared. He was so nice. Then he led me under the shower with him and started kissing me and making out. Oh, Godd, I didn't think my legs were going to hold me up. I'd never been with a boy before and now I was in the shower with Jason Seaborne. The boy with the body!"

"Madeline, I don't know if you should continue this story here," Courtney whispered, her eyes darting around the room. "These Marines are getting glassy-eyed."

But Madeline ignored her. "When it was time to take my panties off, he peeled them down and stayed down there. I don't have to tell you what he did then."

"Oh! He did that to me too!" Courtney blurted softly.

"He was the only boy who ever did that. Shows you how much of a man he was," Madeline said. "Anyway, he had some wrestling mats over in one corner of the shower that he dragged over under the shower spray, and he laid me down on the mats and that's where it happened."

"Oh, that is so romantic," Courtney said.

"And now, I think we should hear Courtney's story. The whole story."

Everyone agreed, holding up their glasses in a salute. Courtney's story was short and sweet. It happened on the team bus with other football players hovering around to hide them, and to watch.

Chapter Fifteen

Courtney and Madeline

By that time everyone in the room knew where things were going. Girls just don't talk the way Madeline and Courtney were talking without expecting certain action to follow little by little, with subtle hints, they were making their wishes known and the guys were getting bolder. Corporal Landon and Corporal Foster were sitting on either side of Courtney and I saw Landon put his hand on her leg. About the same time Foster put his arm across the back of the couch, along Madeline's leg where she sat on the back of the couch. Madeline inched closer to his arm, welcoming his gesture. Suddenly Courtney stood up and I saw Landon's face fall.

"Wouldn't you men like to get out of those jackets? Those high, stiff collars look so uncomfortable," Courtney said.

I had already loosened my collar and as if they'd been given an order, the four Marines began unbuttoning their tunics. Madeline came around the couch and helped Courtney take them and hang them up.

"We can hang up your pants, too, if you don't want to get them wrinkled," Courtney said.

"Yeah, good idea," Landon said as he undid his belt.

There was a flurry of unbuttoning and unzipping and taking off the uniforms and baring hard, masculine flesh, none of which was lost on the girls.

"My, the Marines truly do build men," one of them said.

The guys, including me, were down to their bright white T-shirts and shorts which were bulging mightily with the built-up excitement and anticipation.

Courtney went back to the couch and sat down, patting the cushions, and Landon and Foster resumed their positions on either side of her. Landon put his hand back on her leg. Foster leaned his head back on the couch to find Madeline's smooth thigh cocked up to press against his face. He boldly kissed her bare thigh.

I was sitting in the big chair and Corporal Smith and PFC Campbell were sitting on the floor, leaned back against the side of the bed. Both of their shorts were shamelessly tented. Campbell was discreetly trying to hide his but Smith was rubbing his fingers gently around the head of his cock, causing a wet spot where the precum was flowing and soaking in.

"I think you girls oughta get more comfortable, too," Landon suggested in a husky voice as he laid his hand on Courtney's lower stomach and tugged playfully at the bottom of her blouse.

Courtney looked back at Madeline. "I think this Marine's got evil intentions."

"Evil is only in the eye of the beholder," Landon declared as he inched his fingers up under her blouse.

"Did the Marines teach you these maneuvers?" she asked.

"No, I learned these back in high school," he said. "Unlike PFC Campbell who slept through sex ed."

"Is that true, PFC Campbell?" Courtney asked.

"No," he replied, turning red-faced.

"How'd you get all the way to the Marine Corps still a virgin, then?" Landon asked.

"Who said I'm still a virgin?"

"Nobody has to say it, it's written all over your face, like now." Then he turned his attention back to the girl as he began unbuttoning the blouse. It buttoned only part way down and when he had those open he tugged at the bottom of the blouse to pull it up. She lifted her arms to let him.

"Ohh, man," he murmured when he saw that she wore nothing underneath.

"Maybe you're the virgin; you've never seen a girl's tits before?"

"None like these," he said as he cupped one and leaned in to suck it.

She moaned and put her hand around his head. I watched it play out as he ran his hand up the inside of her thigh. I guessed from the soft moan that he'd found more bare flesh; I was sure of it when I saw the corded muscles in his forearm dancing as he fingered her. Within minutes she was lifting her butt up off the couch so he could take off her short skirt, leaving her in only her high heels.

On the other side of Courtney, Foster was making equal progress with Madeline. She had flung one leg over the back of the couch and across his chest and his face was buried in her muff. I could see by his throat, and her expressions, that he was eating her out. She had taken her clothes off as well.

Suddenly, Courtney eased away from Landon and said in a loud whisper, "I'll get back to you, promise." Then she stood up and went over to the bed where she stepped over Smith and straddled him, draping her pussy delightfully close to Campbell's head leaned back against the mattress, as she climbed on the bed.

"Ohhh, Godd!" Campbell moaned, gripping his cock hard. "Did you see that, she's shaved!"

I had to laugh; I thought the kid might pass out.

"Why don't you come up her with me, PFC Campbell," she said as she lay back across the bed with one knee cocked up.

Smith got up on his knees and turned around to watch at Campbell crawled on the bed. Courtney welcomed him with her arms out and he crawled right up on top of her.

"Is it really true that you're a virgin?" she cooed.

"Yes, Ma'am, it is," he said, in a choked voice.

"Do you want to do something about it? Or do you want to stay a virgin for a while longer?" she asked as she shoved her hand down between them.

"No, Ma'am, I don't. I'd sure as hell like to do something about it."

Suddenly Landon got up from the couch and went over to the bed. He had a frown on his face and I thought he might be pissed that he'd been thrown over for the virgin.

"Whoa, dude, that's not how you do it," he said as he climbed on the bed with them. "You don't just climb on and start humping."

Campbell pushed himself up off the first women he'd likely ever been on top of and looked around at Landon with a surprised scowl. "I'm not humping. I'm not even in yet."

"Roll off, let me show you," Landon said, then to Courtney, "Sorry for the interruption."

"I don't think I mind," she said with a smile as Campbell rolled to the side and Landon crawled between her legs.

"First rule is, no self respecting Marine climbs in the saddle without....well, you probably don't even know about this so just let me show you." With that he began licking the woman's smooth pussy. She moaned and immediately spread her legs and humped herself into his face while Campbell watched, wide-eyed.

After a moment he lifted his head, his face wet. He nodded for Campbell to come closer as he moved to the side, lying astraddle Courtney's right leg. With one hand he spread her pussy open, exposing her clit.

"See that little rosebud?"

Campbell nodded, too numb to speak.

"Lick it."

Campbell looked at him, hesitant.

"Come on, crawl between her legs," Landon said. When he was settled back into position, lying on his hard cock, Landon told him again, "Go ahead, lick it."

He started to lower his face but was still hesitant. Landon gave him a nudge with his hand on the back of his head and his face was buried in the woman's pussy.

"Ohhhh, yess, honey, that's perfect! Ohhh....ohhhhh....." She moaned, grinding her pussy in his face.

"That'a boy," Landon said. "Learn to do this, it'll make any woman your slave."

Back on the couch Corporal Foster and Madeline were totally into each other. She was leaned clear over the couch, upside down, sucking Foster's cock with his head between her legs, eating her pussy. Corporal and I watched, exchanging furtive glances. I couldn't take it any longer, being a spectator. Suddenly I got up and went around the back of the couch. My legs were shaky and my balance was off from the booze but I managed to steady myself in a stance. I took Madeline by the hips and pulled her back over the back of the couch a little to make her more accessible. Not to be denied her pussy, Corporal Foster shoved himself higher so his head was resting on the back of the couch. Her legs were spread wide and my eyes fixed on her pussy and the Marine's tongue lashing over it. I didn't think he couldn't see me in back of the couch, nor did he know what was going on till I set the head of my cock against the gaping portal and he found himself lapping at my cock.

"Aww, fuck!" he groaned hoarsely when he realized it, but that didn't dissuade him from his task. He simply tried to avoid my cock. We still made contact but he didn't seem to mind. I figured we had all had too much to drink to give a fuck about much of anything. I shoved into the welcoming orifice and felt my balls across Foster's face. He didn't seem to mind that either. In fact, as I started fucking her, I felt his tongue lapping at my balls a few times. I had to wonder if it was accidental.

On the bed, PFC Campbell was eating pussy like there was no tomorrow and purring like a contented kitten, while Landon was on his knees at Courtney's shoulder, feeding her his cock. I suspected that having her pussy licked made the blowjob even more enjoyable. I noticed that Landon had also taken a keen interest in the PFC's butt, caressing it like he was petting a kitten. Granted, we'd all had enough booze to pretty much abolish inhibitions and I wondered now what deviousness and secret perversions lay beneath those macho Marine images.

Corporal Smith had taken my chair. He had poured himself about four fingers of JD and was watching over the rim of the glass. I motioned for him to bring me a glass, holding up four fingers. He poured the glass nearly full and brought it over to me. I gulped about half of it and the stuff burned all the way down. Then I pulled my cock out and slowly drizzled the warm, amber liquid on Madeline's pussy which ran down into Foster's mouth. While I was doing that, Smith seemed to take an interest in my ass. I not only let him, if he'd pursued it, I would've let him have his way if that's what he had in mind. But he left and went back to the table where he poured another glass of JD then took it to the three on the bed. He handed it to Landon first and he downed about half of it in several hard gulps before he handed the glass back to Smith. Then he pulled Campbell's head up from between Courtney's legs and nodded to Smith. Smith put the glass to Campbell's lips and they forced him to down the rest of the glass. He winced momentarily then buried his face again.

Drinking the JD so fast was making my head spin but it didn't affect my performance. I was stroking Madeline's pussy with the precision of a well-oiled piston. But the booze also caused me to have some wild notions, fueled by the sight of Corporal Foster's open mouth with his tongue lashing out of it, an in a spur of the moment I eased back and aimed my cock across his tongue. I penetrated his throat before he realized what I'd done and he started to choke. I quickly pulled back but I left my cock throbbing and bobbing up and down like it was reaching out. After a moment I did it again and this time Foster didn't choke when I shoved my cock a little deeper in his throat. I wasn't entirely sure he was completely aware of what was happening.

I was suddenly aware of something else that was happening. I'd seen Corporal Smith pour himself another drink but hadn't realized that he'd come back around behind me till I felt a warm, slick sensation against my butt. I froze for a second but then felt a cooler sensation across my shoulders. I took the glass that was offered around my shoulder and downed what was left in it. I welcomed the burn going down, just as I welcomed the gentle probing at my ass. I was able to distinguish that it wasn't a finger as I first thought. Maybe it was his fingers at first but now it was his cock. My first instinct was to stop him; I couldn't let this happen in the presence of these four Marines. But then I saw Corporal Landon's interest in PFC Campbell butt had become more intense, to the point that he had two or three fingers inside his ass, and Campbell was twisting around and jutting his butt back against the Corporal's hand. Suddenly the perverseness that I suspected was permeating the room, and I didn't care what the other Marines might think. In fact I thought if they saw me being fucked all inhibitions might be shattered and they could succumb to whatever deep seated, secret desires that lurked in them. Bravely, I pushed my butt back against Corporal Smith's cock and he shoved in with ease, to the sound of my grateful moan.

I knew Corporal Landon was watching us on the couch while he fingered PFC Campbell, and from the surprised look on his face, he'd seen his buddy impale me. Sure enough the idea took hold. He pulled his cock back from Courtney's hungry mouth and stood off the bed.

"I heard you say you wanted to do something about your virginity," he said as he knelt on the edge of the mattress between Campbell's legs and shoved his fingers into the boy's ass again.

"Not that!" Campbell exclaimed, jerking his head up, his face wet with his own spit and pussy juice. "No, no that kind of virginity!"

"It goes with the territory," Landon said as he inched further up between his legs.

"No! No, I can't do that!" the youth cried out.

"Oh, please let him, while you fuck me," Courtney cooed, stroking his face. "This way you'll have your virginity vanquished from both sides, for all time."

"Yeah, it's good getting it up the ass at the same time you're pounding pussy," Landon told him.

Whether the boy wanted to get fucked or not, his body certainly wanted it. He couldn't hold still on Landon's twisting fist with his thick fingers gouging his ass.

"Come on, you know you want it, look how you're fucking back on my fingers," Landon said.

"No, I don't! I can't help how you're making me feel," he whimpered.'

"And that's just my fingers. Just think what my cock will feel like."

Meanwhile, Courtney was urging the young PFC up on top of her till I knew his cock must be nudging against her pussy, and I was certain that was gaping and palpitating, anxious to be filled with hard, hot cock.

More in a move to escape Landon's twisting wrist and probing fingers, Campbell moved up over her, giving Courtney her first good look at his manhood.

She gasped aloud and said, "How in the world did you manage to stay virgin all this time, the way you're put together!"

"I was taught I was supposed to wait," he said sheepishly.

"What a terrible waste," she said as she was positioning herself to take him. "And to think of all the pussy just quivering to be impaled on that gorgeous cock."

"I guesss I didn't know they were, or I would've done something about it," he said. "I never even saw a naked woman before now."

"Ohh, I can't wait!" she exclaimed as she took hold of his cock to guide him to her.

Her yowling groan announced that he'd entered her and the groans of pure pleasure continued for a long time as the young PFC fucked his virginity out of existence. His own guttural moans joined with hers, brought on partly, I thought, by Corporal Landon's fingers brutalizing his ass. I didn't think Campbell fully comprehended what was happening to him till he felt Landon's cockhead processing against his hole and by the time he did, it was too late. His head snapped up with a surprised outcry that turned into a quieter moan as he was deliberately and completely impaled on the corporal's big cock.

"Ohh, Godd....Awwhhh!....Ohh, fuck!" he moaned as Landon pressed his loins hard against the young Marine's taut butt. They might have been intended as moans of pain but all I could hear was pained pleasure, and when Landon pulled back, Campbell shoved back onto his cock with another loud groan. Landon started to fuck him but soon remained still and let Campbell fuck himself and Courtney at the same time.

The girls got passed around about as often as the JD, so that every Marine had his chance with her and twice they had their chance in pairs, double fucking the girls. I had another bottle of JD sent up. At one point Courtney had four cock in her; one in her ass and two in her pussy-don't ask me how they did that-plus one in her mouth. She was like a woman possessed. It happened that Campbell was odd man out and after he'd watched up close for several minutes he came over to where I sat in the big chair. I motioned for him to park his butt on the arm.

"This has all been so fuckin' unbelievably hot," he remarked quietly.

"All of it?" I asked as I slipped my arm around his butt. He glanced down at me, a trace of innocence still in his eyes. I suspected it would stay there for a while, till he fully absorbed what had taken place here.

"Yeah, all of it," he replied with a tight smile. He knew I was talking about losing his virginity.

"How's it feel, being without your virginity?" I asked.

"It feels great," he declared.

"If you had it to do over again...."

"I would do it a lot sooner," he cut in.

"All of it? Everything?" I asked.

"If you're asking, did I like getting my ass fucked, the answer would be yes, and yeah, I would do it again."

I squeezed his butt and waved my cock at him.

"Is that an invitation?"

"It's however you wanta take it and whatever you wanta do with it," I said.

"Can I ride it?"

"Do you think you can stay in the saddle?" I asked.

It was late when we bid the girls farewell. I needed to get the Marines back to their base. Oddly, I hadn't thought about Jason the whole time, till now, when I swung by his parents' house to tell them I had to drive the honor guard back.

When we all got out, I thanked the Marines serving as honor guard for Jason. They thanked me for arranging such a great time with Madeline and Courtney. As they were going to their cars, PFC Campbell held back.

"I wanted to thank you, for the way things turned out," he said.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"For showing the courage you did. If they hadn't seen you getting fucked, it would've never happened to me."

"I wasn't so sure you wanted it to," I said.

"I didn't at first but then......."

"Yeah, when you felt Corporal Landon's fingers," I finished.

"Yes, I couldn't believe anything could feel so good."

"Well, I'm not sure Landon needed any encouragement from me; he seemed dead set on fucking you."

"He wants to get together with me sometime"

"No kidding! That's great!" I said.

"He said he can show me a lot more."

"I'm sure he can."

"He hinted that he would let me fuck him."

"I hope it works out between the two of you," I said.

"Well....thanks again.

I got back as dusk was approaching. I had decided I wasn't staying even though Jason's parents said I could stay as long as I wanted. It was over and it was suddenly too painful and I didn't think I would feel Jason's presence there anymore. I changed out of my dress blues and packed my bag. I was hesitant about taking Jason's football and his GI Joe that his parents had offered to me but in the end I did. I thought that to leave them would be affront to them. When I was finishing packing my stuff I happened to see Jason's jockstrap in the bag. I shed my shorts and put the jock on. It would feel good on the drive back. I said my goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Seaborne and thanked them for their hospitality and for giving me their son's GI Joe and his football.

I drove back to the cemetery to say goodbye before I left town. As I was standing at the grave letting my thoughts ramble at will, another car drove up. It was Allen. I cringed inside. Shit, couldn't he give it a rest? But then I saw him carrying something on a hanger. It was Jason's athletic jacket.

"I took a chance....Mom and Dad said they thought I might find you here," he said. "They want you to have this, too."

I took the hanger. It was heavy. I couldn't say anything for a minute.

"You don't have to say anything," Allen said.

"No....." I stopped him before he could walk away. "Thanks. And thank your parents for me."

He nodded and walked away. Somehow, I hated that there might be a thread of decency in him, but then it was his folks who had given me the jacket, not him; he was only the delivery boy. Another car had driven up and two burly young men got out and came over to the grave. I'd seen them at the funeral but they weren't in suits now. One wore a school athletic jacket. The other one looked like he should've been wearing one. We nodded and spoke; we all felt uneasy.

"You were his buddy," one of them said.

"I still am," I said. "I'm guessing you were team mates."

"Yeah," he said, eyeing the jacket I was holding.

"His brother brought me his jacket," I said, holding it up.

"He had way more awards than I did," the one guy said, laughing.

"He had more awards than anybody," the other one put in.

The other one nodded. I could tell he was having a tough time being there.

"Bill Townsend," one of them said, putting out his hand.

"Jeremy Cole."

"Brad Courter," I said.

"Sergeant Courter, if I know my rank," Jeremy said.

"What's a stripe or two," I joked.

"He was a hell of an athlete," Bill said.

"He was a hell of a man," I said.

"You would know that better than anyone," he said.

"No, I think you did too. The Navy didn't make him a man; that started back here," I said.

"I wish we knew more about him, as a SEAL," Bill went on. "But none of us were much on writing letters, even though we said we would. And the few times we did see him... we got together when he was home... he didn't seem to want to talk about it."

"He was never much on talking about it," I said. "Just know that he was the bravest guy I ever met."

It was awkward for all of us. If we'd been in a bar, I thought, we could've talked more easily over a few beers and that gave me an idea.

"Listen, in his last wishes Jason told me to have a beer on him. He even left me the money for it. Do you guys want to join me?"

"We couldn't get served," Bill said.

I swore under my breath as I realized that I couldn't either; and neither could Jason. It angered me that he was old enough to be laying in the grave in the uniform of his country but not old enough to walk in and have a beer in his own hometown.

"I guess I can't get served either back here," I said.

"They would probably serve you if you were in uniform," said Jeremy.

"Yeah, you could get a six-pack and we could drink it right here," Bill put in.

I liked his idea. I decided to give it a try even though I wasn't in uniform. We drove downtown to a bar they showed me and I went in. All eyes turned on me as I walked up to the bar. I told the bartender what I wanted.

"We're not a package liquor store. I can't sell you a six pack to walk out with it," he said.

"I'm not old enough to get served either," I said cockily but I didn't move. I showed him my military ID and stood my ground, letting him know that I intended to walk out with a six-pack.

"You brought Jason Seaborne home, didn't you?"

"Yeah. We just buried him."

"Fuck it," he said as he got an empty carton from under the bar and filled it with six cold beers. "This is on the house," he said as he set the six-pack on the bar.

"No, he told me to have a drink on him; he left the money, I have to pay for it."

"Okay, give me a buck."

"Fair enough."

Me and the two boys drove back to the cemetery. We sat at the head of Jason's grave, heaped with flowers now, and popped our beer cans. It felt good to be with the two athletes who knew Jason as well as I did but from a different time and in a different way. We were quiet at first, most of the way through the first round of beers. Then Bill started talking and Jeremy joined in. They told one story after another about their escapades with Jason and soon had us all laughing. I told some stories about Jason and me and answered their questions. I even told them he was a sniper when they asked what he did in the Navy.

"No shit! He never told us that. Damn, he always did have balls," Jeremy said.

"More balls than anybody I knew," I said.

"Fuckin' nerves of steel," Bill put in.

"And a stud," Jeremy added. "I think he fucked every girl in the county who wanted to be fucked. And if they didn't he convinced them they did."

"Shit, I know he fucked one of their mothers," Bill said, laughing. Then his tone changed again. "Did he, uh... take many of them out over there?"

I knew he wasn't talking about girls.

"I believe he did but I don't know how many. He would never say," I said. "He was an expert rifleman. I don't think he ever had a miss. I could tell you one big target he took out but you wouldn't believe it."

"We would believe anything about Jason," Jeremy said.

"Yeah, tell us."

I hesitated then said, "He took out Dwong."

"No shit! Really?!" Jeremy exclaimed.

Bill didn't seem to know who Dwong was. "He was the president of Vietnam for a while," Jeremy told him.

"He took out the fuckin' president of Vietnam!?" Bill blurted in disbelief. Then he broke out laughing. "That is the damnedest thing I ever heard. Who would have thought... fuck, I can hear it now, at graduation.... And the most likely to take out the president of Vietnam is... Jason Seaborne."

"Is this being disrespectful or what?" Jeremy said.

"Hey, we're not pissing on his grave," Bill said.

"Is it being disrespectful?" Jeremy asked me, in a more serious tone.

"No," I said. "He would be sitting right here laughing with us if he could. He would be pissed at me for telling you some of this stuff though."

"Yeah, he's smiling and shaking his head and saying, what a bunch of dumb fucks," Bill said as he popped his second beer. His voice choked and I saw his eyes tear up. He popped a beer and handed it to me but I didn't drink it. I took one hard slug then set the can on Jason's grave. The two boys did the same.

"That was a good talk you gave. You said it all," Bill said. "I never heard of people standing up and applauding at a funeral."

"I was stunned at that myself," I said.

"I'll bet he tore through those Vietnamese women," Jeremy said.

"Yeah, he was the horniest fucker I ever saw," Bill put in.

"He did his share of damage," I said. "He was the only guy I knew who never had to pay a prostitute." I was stretching it a bit, but it made a good story.

"They gave it away, huh?" Bill said, laughing.

"To him," I said.

"Shit, he should've been charging them," Bill said. "Damn, he was hung." He looked at Jeremy. "Remember how he was hung?"

"Who could forget that? Hell, we didn't know if we were in a locker room or a horse stable," Jeremy said. "Godd, I'll bet he tore up some pussy with that thing."

I told them about him getting hurt and me taking Ling to his hospital room. They laughed their asses off.

"Shit, he would've fucked her if he was in traction," Jeremy said.

"Hey, do you remember that old jockstrap he always wore?" Bill said, laughing.

"Yeah, I think he wore the thing all through high school," Jeremy said. "I think it was the only one he ever owned. Four fuckin' years, he wore the same jockstrap. He said it never got washed. By the end of his senior year, it looked like the mice had been chewing on it."

"It wasn't mice, it was the cheerleaders," Bill said.

I laughed. What would they think if they knew I was wearing that same jockstrap? The conversation with the two big hunks was turning me on. I was surprised and impressed that they were talking so intimately about Jason and I got the impression that Jeremy, especially, was getting his own personal charge out of the tone of the conversation. I had a hard time believing that there had ever been anything between Jason and either one of the boys, but then no one would ever believe what Jason and I had. I had the fleeting thought of trying to get something started with one or both of them but if they didn't go for it... well, finding out that Jason's best buddy was gay... it would've somehow degraded his memory. Suddenly I wanted to tell them about the jockstrap; that I was wearing it. They had no doubt seen him in it more than I had, it somehow right they know.

"I don't want you to think this is weird, guys, but I can tell you guys this 'cause you knew him as a jock. I'm wearing it," I said.

"Huh? Wearing what?" Jeremy asked.

"That jockstrap you were talking about. I'm wearing it."

They both blinked, then guffawed, then broke out laughing.

"No shit! You've got it on?!" Jeremy blurted.

"Fuck, how cool is that!" Bill exclaimed. "He still had the damned thing even over there?"

"Yeah, he said it was the one he wore in school. It's really tattered. He called it his lucky jockstrap. He wore it when he went out on a mission, said it's what brought him back."

"Hell, I'm surprised it's still holding together, considering the strain all these years."

"It was in his locker when I inventoried his stuff and I decided his Mom didn't need to have it back," I said.

"You know, it's not weird at all," Jeremy said thoughtfully. "It's a goddamned honor to wear it. I mean, how much more can you honor a guy than by wearing his jockstrap. I would wear it if I had it."

"Yeah, me too," Bill said. He laughed. "Too bad that was the only one he owned; we could've all had one to wear."

I was getting turned on by the two studs and the way they were talking, how they really expressed the intimacy of the locker room.

Jeremy had one leg slung out and his other knee cocked up. He leaned up to retrieve his beer from the grave. "One more drink and the rest is yours, buddy," he said, nodding to the grave. He took a hard slug then poured the rest into the flowers on the grave. It seemed a good thing to do, and Bill and I followed suit. One by one, we crushed the cans into little pieces and tossed them in with the flowers. Suddenly I had an idea for something to leave behind for the boys to remember their old teammate by since they didn't have a jockstrap.

"If you guys don't think the jockstrap's weird, you won't think this is weird," I said as I took two of the four condoms out of my shirt pocket. I really didn't know why I'd brought them except that they held some significance in all of this and should be part of the final honors bestowed on Jason. I just hadn't figured out what or how yet.

"Here you go, something of Jason's to remember him by," I said, handing them each one of the condoms.

They took them, looking bewildered.

"They were in his locker too when I cleaned out his stuff. I didn't think his parents needed to have them either. You guys could probably put them to good use, in honor of your teammate."

I could see the idea was soaking in from the smiles coming on their faces.

"Fuck, yeah, what better way to honor him than by using his condoms that he wasn't able to use," Bill said.

"Yeah, but it's gotta be a special girl," said Jeremy. "Shit! Extra large. Are you gonna be able to fill that out?" he asked.

"Are you?" Bill shot back.

"I'll do my best," Jeremy said.

I stood up. The laughter had died down. The beer was gone, the cans were crushed and it was time to go. Jeremy lay for a moment, staring at the flowers that heaped the grave, then he stood up as well, brushing off his pants. There was an awkward moment, like it often is with guys who don't know how to say goodbye.

I put out my hand. "It's been great meeting you guys," I said.

"Yeah, same here."

"You, too."

The awkward moment lingered and a little part of me wanted to stick around for another day to see if I might get something going with these two studs but I thought better of it. Without them offering even a hint of interest, that would expose me and therefore expose Jason and I couldn't do that. He was a hero to these boys.

"Hey, don't wash it," one of them as we approached my vehicle.

"Never," I said. I was about to get in the car but Jeremy was too close to the door.

"Hey, uhhh......" He didn't finish. He looked down at the ground then back up at me a mischievous grin on his handsome face. "Nothing else has been too weird, maybe you wouldn't think this is either."

"What?" I asked.

"Just for the hell of it....I'd like to see the jockstrap."

I laughed, thinking he was joking. Bill punched him in the shoulder, howling with laughter. But he was serious, and my suspicions of Jeremy were no more confirmed than before. He simply wanted to see his teammate's jockstrap one more time, for old time's sake. Maybe it was weird, but what the hell. He wanted to confirm that connection, to walk away with the renewed bond that only athletes have in the locker room.

"If you don't think it would be disrespectful.... I mean, we are in a cemetery," Jeremy added.

"It would be great to see the team's good luck charm again," Bill put in, without even cracking a smile now.

"And it's not like we haven't seen it before," Jeremy said.

"Yeah, it just wasn't with you in it," Bill joked.

I didn't have to think twice about it. The jockstrap I had on was obviously like a sacred icon and these guys were dead serious. I opened the car door to use as a shield. Their faces lit up as I reached for my belt, their eyes fixed as I unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them down enough to show my thigh and offer a full view of the jockstrap. The way the both boys looked, rather intently, I thought, and I had to wonder if they were looking at the sacred garment or at me inside it.

"Look familiar?" I asked.

"Whew, that sure looks like Jason's jockstrap all right," said Bill.

"That's it all right," Jeremy said quietly. "Looks like chipmunks made a nest in it.'

"Listen, I don't want to freak you out or anything but could I have a look at the back?"

"His name's still there, just a little faded," I said as I turned around to show him the waistband, along with my ass.

"It's his all right," Bill said.

"I know you must think this is weird but he used to hang his jockstrap on the corner of his locker door while he put on his socks and shirt and guys would come by and feel it, like for good luck. That's how it got to be our team's good luck charm."

Bill agreed. "This is fuckin' deep, standing here at his grave, looking at his old jockstrap on another guy. It is weird, but it's a good kind of weird, not sick weird."

"Do wanta feel it again?" I asked. "I wouldn't take it to mean anything except honoring your teammate, and a way of taking something of this moment with you."

They looked at one another. "Yeah, it would just be an act of honor to feel it one more time, a connection to this moment," Jeremy said, and he reached out and ran his fingers along the inside of the waistband. Bill was more intimately bold. He slipped his fingers up under the waistband then ran them down the other edge of the pouch, brushing my cock and balls ever so lightly with their fingers.

"Fuck, man, I feel a connection," Jeremy said.

"Yeah, it's his jockstrap all right," Bill said again. "I think I could tell it with my eyes closed."

Suddenly they drew back their hands and shoved them in their pockets. I tried not to take anything from it. It was a moment of male bonding with the worn jockstrap as the focal point. I tucked the pouch back into my pants and pulled them up.

"That was a ballsy thing you did, letting us do that," Bill said.

"Yeah, and I was gonna say, you fill it out damn near as good as he did."

The boys muttered 'thanks' as they stood back for me to get in the car. They stood there as I pulled away. I looked around and Bill gave me a thumbs up with the condom between his fingers. Jeremy just smiled, nodding his approval. Dammit, I thought, maybe I should stay back. The jockstrap was a perfect opening and they were damned intimate about it. But in my mind, I was already on my way back. I drove out of the cemetery with Jason's football tucked between my legs.

I decided to take one last drive through Jason's hometown, as he might have done when he was home, cruising main street. As I drove past the hotel, smiling and thinking about the other four Marines. Had we dishonored Jason's memory by gang banging the girls? I didn't think so. I thought he would consider an act of a honor and duty.


As much as I didn't want to go, I went to visit my parents. How does a guy not want to see his parents after such a long time in a hotbed combat zone? I couldn't explain it; I just didn't want to be there; I knew I didn't belong there anymore. It dawned on me that I hadn't even told them I was coming home. I stopped at a roadside café to get something to eat and call them. I thought my mother might faint when I told her I was only a few hours from home. She shrieked to my dad and he came to the phone, giving me hell because I hadn't told them. I was already half wishing I hadn't called but it would've been unforgivable not to see them. Mom got back on the phone and started babbling about plans to get the family together. I stopped her.

"No, Mom, I can't. I don't have the time. I'm not on leave. I'm home on official business," I told her. It wasn't a total lie, although the colonel had given me leave time to visit my family. I explained about Jason and told her I could only stay a little while, maybe a night or two at the most, then I had to fly back. She didn't say anything.

"You're going back." It was my dad's voice.

"I haven't been discharged, Dad," I said. "Look, I'll be there in a few hours. Tell Mom not to go to any trouble."

It was a long drive and I didn't want to go. There was just no reason to. I didn't know how to see them. I didn't know how I would explain to Mom and Dad that, God help me, I wanted to get back to Vietnam where I belonged, to that terrible war, as they put it; back where I could be with Jason's memory. Much as I loved them both, it was guilt that made me go, and love of country, and yeah, love of a man that was drawing me back.

Contrary to my wishes, Mom had gathered a lot of family together for a big supper. I wished she hadn't, but I appreciated it. For a few hours I was just another cousin, the hero uncle, the pride of my parents. It was fun as long as I didn't think about why or how I'd come to be there. Actually, They didn't seem to grasp that I'd buried my best friend, not even after I'd shown them Jason's athletic jacket that his parents had given me. I enjoyed seeing my brother and his family, especially my niece, Melanie and my young nephew, Hunter. He was turning into a real hunk. Untouchable, of course, but he was funny and studly and wonderful eye candy. By the end of the evening, I knew I had to spend at least one night.

Much like Jason's room, mine was just as I'd left it. Only I didn't feel at home there anymore. Shit, I missed the barracks! I hung Jason's athletic jacket in my closet beside mine, then undressed. I lay in bed feeling much like a stranger, looking around at familiar things that weren't familiar to me anymore. I felt more at home in Jason's room. Mom, bless her heart, came in to tuck me in. I was a little embarrassed because she just didn't get it. I slept because I was tired, but I would be glad to see morning come.

Dad came in to wake me up the next morning.

"If you have to leave so soon, you can't waste time laying here in bed," he said.

Breakfast was strained. It was like there was so much to say but so little time that it wasn't worth trying to say it. We talked about mundane things, partly because they didn't seem to want to talk about my life, or even why I'd come home. I couldn't even pick up that they were proud of me as a Marine. We got through it though, and through an emotional goodbye. By the time I left I wished I hadn't come. How do you feel that way about your family? I didn't understand it. I just wanted to get back to that terrible war, even knowing that the one person I cared about in the world would not be there when I got back.

I was in a muddled daze the whole trip back to the air base, trying to turn it all around in my mind, wrestling with the reality of it all, and confused that I felt like I was only now going home. I turned the car in and boarded the plane. It was more comfortable accommodations than the trip over, but I felt guilty about that, and torn that I was going back and leaving Jason behind. He would laugh at that, and give me hell. He would tell me to get my ass back over there and finish the job we had started.


Chapter Sixteen

Back To Vietnam

When I arrived back in country, the first thing I did was go to Toby's; the very first thing, I didn't even report in. As usual, he had my beer on the counter before I got to the bar.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Very impressive, but I never want to do that again."

"How'd his parents take it?"

"It's hard to say. I think they were numb the whole time. His brother, on the other hand....."

"I didn't know he had a brother," Toby said.

"I didn't either till just before Jason left to go home," I said. "The guy was a first-class prick and a certified asshole all rolled into one. He and some of his friends wore black armbands to the wake."

"No shit!"

"Well, the brother didn't. I asked him not to and he took his armband off and gave it to me."

Toby laughed. "Yeah, I'll bet it was real easy to convince him," he said.

"I never wanted to stomp somebody's ass so bad in all my life. First thing, we were met stateside at the airport by a bunch of protestors. We weren't supposed to react but I did manage to knee some peace-nik prick in the balls in the airport restroom," I said.

"No shit! You did?"

"Couldn't restrain myself," I said.

I told him about the funeral. I sipped my beer and Toby watched me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Don't even go there right now," I said.

"Okay."

"I can't handle it yet," I said. "I don't know if I ever will." I quickly washed down the choked sob in my throat. In my mind I had gone where I'd told Toby not to go.

"Listen, I don't want to intrude on your thoughts or your life, but... well, if you ever want to be with someone who knew him, to talk or.... anything else... I'm here."

His meaning soaked in and I nodded with a forced smile. "Thanks."

I gradually got back into the swing of things. In the natural scheme of things the body makes its own demands, for nourishment, sleep, even sexual gratification... and in time those things take priority over emotions. My sexual urges weren't long in making themselves known and the need began to build up. I went to Toby's a few times but never made any contact. Hell, I hardly knew how. I didn't really go there for that reason but I figured if it happened--and it would eventually--well, what the hell, there were always some pretty hot guys there. Then there was always Toby's standing offer.

Back in the barracks I began to take note of a couple of the guys I'd been living with for all those months. One guy especially.... Tom McCord, who had a drop-dead sexy butt that he didn't seem to mind showing off. His entire body was something to show off. He never wore a towel in the latrine. The other guy, Randy Jones, it was his cock that drew my attention. He was legendary hung; thick, veiny, long, with a generous collar. I often wondered if he was as big as Jason.

I dreamed up one scenario after another. The one that I dwelled on the most was of me eating Tom's tight, round ass while Randy fucked me. I was afraid to make a move on either of them, though. I knew I was in great and dire need for sexual satisfaction when I awoke from a dream about Jason and realized I'd had a wet dream! I had to laugh, and knew Jason was up there laughing with me; or at me. I was covered with cum. Shit, I hadn't done that since I was a kid. I woke up just as it was coming to an end, my cock still pulsating and the stuff was still warm and lying in the thick globe and ropes on my abs and chest. There was nothing handy to clean it off. I quickly smeared it all over my abs so it wouldn't run down, then headed for the shower. A few minutes later, Tom came into the latrine. It was early for anyone to be up. I had a reason but I wondered what his was. He took a piss then stepped into the shower, three down from me.

"What're you doing up so early?" I asked.

"I couldn't sleep," he said.

Great, if he was awake, I wondered how much he'd seen of my little fiasco. A lot, obviously.

"That must have been one hell of a dream," he said with a sly grin.

I flushed with embarrassment and tilted my face up into the shower to wash it away.

"I haven't done that since I was a kid," I said.

"It was a fuckin' whitewash," Tom said.

"You saw it?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"I wonder who else saw."

"Anybody who was awake. It was pretty hard not to notice, and you were groaning all through the finish," he said.

I felt myself blanch. Groaning what, I wondered? "Groaning what?" I asked. "What was I groaning about?"

"Couldn't tell for sure, something about Jake, or Jack, it sounded like."

Shit, I'd groaned his name! A guy's name in a wet dream. But Tom didn't seem to think anything about it.

"Having wet dreams; that means only one thing, you know," Tom said.

"What's that?"

"You're damned hard up."

"Yeah, I guess so," I agreed.

"I've noticed you don't go out much since your buddy got it," he said.

"It's not the same. Everywhere I go, I'm expecting him to be there, and he's not. You get to know somebody and get close to a guy like I was to him, and you expect he's always going to be there and it's hard to accept that he never will be."

"It's been a tough time for you. Do you want to go have a beer sometime?"

"Sure," I said. "Do you know Toby's?"

"Yeah. I know the place but I usually hang out at the Dragonfly. The girls are prettier there... If that matters to you," he added.

I looked at him and he was looking right at me and in that moment I thought we had a private understanding. At the very least, I was sure he'd seen through me. I had only to decide whether to be leery and act ignorant or trust him and jump on it. I chose the latter.

"Maybe it doesn't, now," I said.

"Besides, I've heard too much about Toby's," he said, his eyes unwavering.

"Like what?"

"Like it could be risky going there. The MPs and Shore Patrol keep an eye on the place."

"I've never seen anything out of line there, and I've never seen the MPs or the Shore Patrol in or even near the place," I said.

"There's just as much going on at the Dragonfly," he said.

"Yeah, I've met some sharp girls there," I said.

"I thought pretty girls didn't matter to you now," he said.

"Sometimes they do." I was a little uneasy yet heady with the way the conversation was going and for the first time I was thinking about sex with another guy without feeling guilty about it. I couldn't believe I'd gone so long.

"It's okay, you know," he said.

I looked at him with a scowl. "What's okay?"

"I've noticed you noticing my butt," Tom said.

I was taken aback but tried not to show it. "You've got a mighty fine butt," I said casually.

"Interested?" he asked.

"Are you offering it?"

"If you're interested."

I couldn't believe it! It was there all the time, right under my nose. This stud's fine, hard ass was mine for the taking. "Where do you go?" I asked.

"To a little place that passes as a hotel, out on the edge of town. It's almost in the country. Six rooms. A lot of guys go there."

"And nobody watches the place with guys going in and out?"

"A lot of them bring girls. Those that don't, there are two daughters that serve as a good front."

"Damn, how come I don't know about this place?"

"Maybe you've been too occupied," he said.

We picked up passes and headed out together. There was a sense of relief in not going to Toby's for a change. A sense of freedom, like I was breaking away from the pain that haunted me day and night. Somehow I knew Jason wouldn't mind that I was doing this. It would be what he expected me to do. It was what he would do. I thought about Steve.

We took a cab but Tom told the cabbie to pull over while we were still well in town and we walked the rest of the way. The place was small and pretty run down. I wondered how they had six rooms. I found out. Tom paid a woman some money and she gave him a six-pack of beer. He led the way upstairs to a room no bigger than our combined space in the barracks. We walked right in without benefit of a key.

"No keys?" I asked.

"Naw, they don't mess with locks."

"That means anybody could walk in," I said.

"If that bothers you, you have to put a chair against the door, but most people don't care one way or the other," he said.

"That could be risky if they start watching the place," I said.

There was a cot against the wall and a chair and table with a bucket of water and a metal washbasin and some towels.

"It's not much," Tom said as he pulled his shirt off. "That's the reason they don't watch the place.

"I don't think I'm going to mind," I said, eyeing his muscular upper body quite openly.

Tom was naked first. He laid out across the cot on his stomach, his legs cocked apart with his butt turned up so inviting that it made my mouth water. In that moment I think I became Jason.... I was going to do the fucking.... and the guy on the bed was me, the one who was going to get fucked. Except that I crawled between the guy's legs and buried my face in his butt. Jason would've never done that. Tom was stunned out of his mind that I ate his ass. Fuck, it was wild! I couldn't get enough of him. But the guy was crazy and anxious for my cock. I gave it to him. Twice. He turned into a slut when he was getting fucked.

"How the hell did I not pick up on you?" I asked after I'd fucked him the second time.

"Like I said, you were occupied."

"When did you pick up on me?" I asked.

"I don't know, sometime when I noticed how uptight you were about your buddy; when you wouldn't see him for long stretches."

"Shit, has anybody else picked up on it?" I asked.

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, I sure as hell wouldn't have guessed about you," I said.

"I wouldn't have guessed about your buddy. I saw him a couple of times. He was a certified stud. It's hard to believe he was gay."

I rose up, gaping at him. "He wasn't gay. He was straight as they come."

It was his turn to gape at me. "You mean... fuck, man, are you saying you... you're gay?" he asked, surprised.

"Hell, I thought we had that understanding back in the barracks," I said. "And you saw how I ate your ass."

"Well, fuck me!"

"I already did, twice," I said.

"And now it's your turn," he said as he rose up and rolled on top of me.

We wrestled around, laughing, till I let him pin me, and fuck me.

Things were different in the barracks after that. It was nice to be able to ogle Tom, and I liked the way he looked at me, openly, with raw lust, when nobody else was looking. We got together often after that but it was just casual sex, something we both needed. It didn't begin to approach what I had with Jason and I didn't try to pretend that it did or ever would.

Chapter Seventeen

Still Lost

I finished my tour in country and extended for six more months. Don't ask me why. It was just something I had to do. The war was still going on and maybe I thought I could make a difference in six more months. Maybe I wanted to honor my buddy by serving part of his re-enlistment that he never got to serve. Whatever the reason, I didn't want to go home, and I didn't, not even for the leave time I got for extending. I went to Hawaii instead. It was nice and I met some really hot, horny guys on a beach, but like always, everywhere I went I expected to see Jason. I missed him so much it hurt. The trip to Hawaii was mostly about rampant sex, like I was trying to get it out of my system, but it didn't work. Do you ever get sex out of your system? When I got back in country I was ready to be there.

Jason's death took something out of me. The hate. I didn't hate the VC like I did before. They were still the enemy and I remained diligent in my job of getting information out of them but the intense hate was gone. Maybe it was because it wasn't the VC who had killed him.

One day I came across the roll of film I'd used up taking pictures of Jason that time at the Trent. I stood at my locker holding the film cartridge tightly in my hand. I had forgotten all about it and my mind was suddenly flooded with the images that I knew were on the film. The problem was where to get the film developed. I took it to a civilian photo shop and told the little man that I was having them developed for a buddy of mine. I also told him the nature of the pictures and said we'd taken them so he could send them to his girlfriend. The man gave me a leering smile and nodded and said he understood.

When I went back to pick them up, the man smiled even wider. "He very big. He a stud," he said.

"Yeah, wouldn't you hate to be his girlfriend," I joked as I paid him, along with a generous tip.

I stopped at the little park across from Toby's and found my secluded bench under some trees. I was nervous opening the packet of pictures. My breath went out of me and a sudden dull pain manifested itself in my chest when I held them in my hand. I gazed at the picture on top, of Jason, shirtless, in his combat fatigues and boots and web belt. My Godd, he was beautiful. In the next one he was in his old, ragged jockstrap. How well I remembered that bulge; his manhood so heavy that it pulled the jock down in front. The next one, he was in all his glory naked. Big, muscular, so damned good looking, and....my eyes fell last at his manhood. My Godd, he was hung! His cock was an absolute work of art in itself. I lingered over each picture till I sucked the very essence of him into my being. I think I was trying to bring him to life inside my own soul.

The next picture, he had a hardon. I had to laugh at the way he posed to show off his huge cock. I remembered that I'd said I needed a wide-angle lens. And he joked back that the pictures would be something to show my grandchildren. He was stroking his cock in the next one. Looking closely, I could see precum glistening in the slit of his cockhead. The pictures I'd taken from the back made me want to cry, he was so gorgeous. Such a magnificent butt! My mouth watered as I remembered the hours of pleasure I had derived with my face buried between those beautifully rounded, taut muscles and my tongue boring deep into his tight hole. How he loved it. The pictures of him in the shower and drying off were equally priceless. His last pose was sitting on the chair with legs spread apart and his heavy balls hanging low. He had his thumb pressed against the base of his cock to make it stand up straight and tall for me. Damn, he was HUGE! And then I had laid the camera down and mounted that huge cock.

I went through the stack of photos several times before I put them away. I had to sit for a few minutes while my hardon went down. Jason would have laughed at that. Now that I had them, I didn't know where I was going to keep the photos. I could use the same story I'd used with the photographer if somebody happened to find them but I didn't want to cast suspicion on myself and I wasn't sure the Colonel would buy that we'd taken them to send to Jason's girlfriend; especially not if I still had them. I devised a way of hiding them. I put them in a sealed envelope and placed that envelope in another sealed envelope and wrote on it, "In case of my death, see that these pictures are sent to the address on the inner envelope." The address was one of a girl that I'd taken from Jason's personal stuff. It was a bold and risky thing to do but I didn't much care if some ex-girlfriend received a mysterious envelope from a deceased ex-boyfriend. I taped the envelope to the underside of my footlocker tray. About once a month, I would tear the envelope off to look at the pictures again.

One day the colonel....he was a bird colonel now, one step away from being a general....called me in.

"I never had a chance to ask you how things went back home."

"Well, I got a taste of what they think of us back there when I took my buddy back to bury him. I don't need the crap, sir, that's why I extended," I said.

"Does your family feel that way?"

"I don't really know for certain, sir, but they never give any indication that they're proud that I'm over here. I have to take it that they don't support our efforts." I told him about Jason's brother and the incidents at the wake and the funeral, and at the airport.

"Damned shame," he said.

"You know what, sir? After seeing the mood back home, I would've buried my buddy over here if there was a place and I had the say-so. He would've been more at home here."

"I expect a lot of them would. It's just too bad we don't have something like the cemetery at Normandy over here."

I extended for a second six-month tour. Again, I didn't go home to see my family. Toby cautioned me to go home for good after my second extension was up, before I ended up like him. I didn't see how that would be so bad. I'd heard that a lot of guys were taking their discharges and staying in country.

My life was pretty much run-of-the-mill Marine issue... do my job, eat, drink, sleep and have sex, not necessarily always in that order. But I couldn't get past Jason's death. I missed him every minute of every day and night. The nights were the worst because there was time to remember. More than once I buried my face in the pillow and quietly cried myself to sleep. I missed him so much it hurt. More than once I walked the streets of Saigon looking for him, knowing full well that he was not the soldier walking ahead of me or across the street. I died a little each time I looked into a soldier's face and saw a stranger.

One night I met up with Jack Burnside at Toby's; he was the soldier who came up to me in the church to console me when Jason died. He recognized me right away and came up to the bar.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asked, putting out his hand.

"Still hanging in there," I said. He had big hands, and the way those long, thick, strong fingers wrapped around mine sent a chill through me for some reason. He asked if he could join me and took the stool beside me without waiting for my answer. I bought his beer.

"I thought you steered clear of Toby's," I said.

He shrugged. "I decided to take a chance. I've heard some interesting things about the place."

I thought it was an odd thing for him to say. Maybe he was trying to tell me something. I didn't pursue it but I left my options open and let my guard down. He asked how I was doing... really, like he was concerned how I was doing.

"I'm doing okay," I told him.

"I remember you were taking it pretty rough," he said.

"It's still rough," I said.

"I know how that is."

"How about yourself?" I asked.

He shrugged. "At some point the pain becomes like an old friend. Just don't work too hard trying to get over it. Let it work itself out, and if it doesn't, well, that's okay, too," he said. "It's hard teaming up with anybody else, isn't it, when you lose somebody that close?"

"Yeah. Hell, it's been, fuck, nearly a year?....and I'm still wandering around like a lost puppy."

"I never did get it laid to rest completely," he said. "It's like I'm lost out here somewhere."

"Yeah, sometimes I feel like a zombie," I said.

"I know what you mean.... like you're not really alive, just going through the motions till you die for real. But it makes it easier when you can talk to somebody who's gone through the same thing."

I nodded. He was sounding philosophical, which surprised me.

"Hey, I've got a place now if you wanta go there sometime," he said.

"All right, thanks," I said.

"Do you wanta come with me now? I can show you where it is. You'd be welcome to go there anytime, even by yourself, just to hang out, if you don't want company."

Another surprise. I couldn't gauge what was behind his invite but I was curious enough to want to find out.

"Sure," I said, and downed the rest of my beer to indicate that I was ready to go.

Outside, he hailed a cab and gave the driver an address.

"Where is this place?" I asked.

"I'll show you."

We drove all the way through the GI district of Saigon. When the cabbie pulled into a dark alley and stopped I began to get the jitters. It was a better part of town but it was still a dark alley. Jack paid him and we got out. The cab sped away like he was running away from something. Jack let us through a tall wooden gate into a small but beautiful garden. It was almost surreal, so peaceful and serene. I loved the Vietnamese gardens.

"Right up these stairs," Jack said, leading the way along a path between well-manicured bushes. Up the stairs he unlocked the door and held it open for me to go in first.

"Welcome to my little corner of Saigon," he said as he closed the door and locked it.

"Your little corner? This is not a hotel, is it?"

"No. It's a place I keep to get away from the insanity out there," he said.

There was absolutely no trace of the war, not even the smell of it that permeated even the barracks. It was a large room with comfortable, not-cheap furniture, with wall hangings and sconces with candles. There was a state-of-the-art stereo system, and built-in shelves holding a small library of books. In one corner was a kitchenette and beyond that I could see a bathroom. Jack opened the French doors that opened up onto a balcony overlooking the garden.

"This is damned civilized," I said. All the while I was wondering how he managed to have such a place... how he afforded it. But maybe he came from money.

"It's a place to come to," he said.

"This is all yours?" I asked.

"Well, it's rented," he said. "Everything in it is mine."

"It looks like you're planning on staying a while," I said.

"That's a distinct possibility," he said. "My time's up in about three months and so far I haven't found any good reason to go back to the world. I didn't like what I saw when I buried my buddy." He handed me a drink.

"I know. I didn't either." I told him about my experience with Jason's funeral.

"I can top that," he said. "My buddy's mother is an anti-war activist and she wouldn't allow a military funeral. There was no honor guard, and he wasn't even in his uniform. He was buried in a suit. Not even a flag. I wasn't even allowed to wear my uniform and she wouldn't let the minister make any mention of his military service. The bitch erased the whole time he was over here; that entire part of his life. His dad and older brother fought her on it but since she had custody when he was growing up, the judge gave her the say-so. I was so damned pissed... and hurt. Mostly I was hurt for his dad and brother. Both of them were in the Marines. I went out to the cemetery with them before I left, in uniform, along with some high school buddies....guys we played football with....and I had my rifle from the honor guard that they wouldn't allow. I told the captain at the armory about it and he let me take the rifle and ammo. We planted flags on his grave and I gave him a fuckin' twenty-one-gun salute myself. Fuckin' fired off twenty-one rounds." He laughed. "It brought the cops, rolling into the cemetery. I explained what we were doing and he said it was something that should've been done in the first place. One of the guys brought his trumpet and played taps. We gave him a proper burial. I doubt the flags stayed on his grave very long but the guys said they would see that he always had a flag even if they had to take one out there every day." He laughed softly. "I even took some of the empty brass and buried it in his gravesite. She would shit if she knew that."

"Geezusss, what a bitch."

"I didn't even tell her goodbye when I left. Hell, I practically grew up in that house, but I didn't know who the fuck that woman was. He would have been so ashamed of her." He paused, or stopped, and quickly chugged the rest of his beer. "God, I miss him," he whispered, swiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

I was tearing up too, remembering Jason's funeral. Then out of the blue he threw me a curve that hit me right between the eyes.

"Do you want to go to bed?"

I was taken aback, not completely sure how he was asking the question. He saw my surprised look.

"I'm taking a big risk here but I think we're rowing the same boat," he said. "If we're not, then I'm just offering you a place to sack out for the night. If we are, then... well....." He stood up and pulled his shirt out of his jeans. "I'm going to bed. If you want to join me, I won't kick you out."

I set my beer down and followed his tight bubble-butt over to the bed.

"Wow. I never had a come-on like that before," I said. "What made you think we're in the same boat?"

"In the church... I could tell you lost more than a buddy. Losing a buddy tears your guts out, but man, your heart was breaking into little pieces. And I know how that feels."

He stripped off his clothes and stood and watched me undress.

"You top or bottom?" he asked boldly.

"Either....both, and everything in between," I replied.

"Good, so am I. This oughta be real interesting."

I knew I would never forget Jack Burnside, any more than I would forget Tom McCord. Damn, Jack knew how to fuck, and he knew how to move his butt.


Chapter Eighteen

A Night With Toby

My second extension was coming to an end and Toby said we should celebrate before I left. I thought he meant buying me drinks for the night, which he did, or maybe going out on the town.

"Be here at closing time," he said.

I left and walked around for a while to get some fresh air. I showed up at closing time, ready to celebrate. But when he was done cleaning up he didn't make any move to leave the bar.

"Let's go upstairs," he said.

Shit! I knew Toby lived up over the bar but I'd never been up there. My heart suddenly started thumping. If this is what he meant by celebrating and being there for me....Damn, Toby was such a stud! He got a cold six pack and I followed him upstairs.

His quarters were compact but comfortable. There was a small kitchen and a small living room, and much of that space was taken up by a set of weights and a workout bench. In fact, he used the bench as a coffee table. The bedroom was a small alcove with the bed up on a platform, quite common in Saigon.

He tossed me a beer. "I need to shower first," he said as he peeled his shirt off over his head.

His muscular upper body fairly exploded out of his jeans. I had already showered and he didn't invite me to join him so I sat on the couch in the living room to wait. He came out a short time later with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked sexy as hell. He was just plain HOT. Fuck, muscles layered over muscles. I knew he was built, the way he filled out his clothes, but this was ridiculous.

"I didn't ask if you wanted to shower," he said as he opened a beer for himself.

"No. Well, yeah, but you didn't ask me," I joked.

"Fucked up there," he said. "But I'll make up for it." He stepped over my legs to go to the bedroom alcove and the towel came off. It dropped and swirled to the floor when he was standing right in front of me. I don't know, maybe he made it happen, but there he was in all his naked, studly, muscular glory.

"Are you going to get naked, or am I supposed to get dressed?" he asked.

"I, uh.... wasn't sure what you meant by celebrating.... if we were going out or something," I said.

"Do you want to?" he asked.

"Don't bother getting dressed," I said. I stood up and started taking my clothes off.

"You need another beer?" he asked.

"Might as well get a buzz," I said.

Toby got me another beer then went over and sat back on the bed, his shoulders against the headboard and his legs spread out with his balls hanging down to the mattress. He was hung like he was built. Bulky solid. Heavy-looking. Thick. Damn, he made me hungry. I thought Jason would be happy about this moment, me finally getting together with Toby. I wondered if they had ever gotten together. When I was naked I stood hesitantly for a moment.

"Lucky bastard," Toby said.

"Huh?"

"Jason. He had that at his beck and call every time he came back in," he said, nodding to my nakedness.

"Pretty much any time he wanted it," I admitted. But I was surprised and confused at Toby's remark. "I was the lucky one, though," I added.

"Damn right. He was a stud."

"More than you know," I said. "Or maybe not more than you know."

Toby shook his head. "It never happened," he said.

"It probably could have. He thought you were pretty hot," I said.

"I would never come into that tight circle you guys had," he said. "There wasn't room." He was pulling on his cock. He patted the bed and told me to bring the rest of the beers with me. I had to step over him to get to the other side. By the time I laid down, I swear, his cock was hard, standing up between his legs like a club. He wasn't as big as Jason... hell, nobody was as big as Jason.... but he was thick. He reminded me of the big, beer-can sergeant except for his smooth body. His cock looked like a tall beer can with a head so big that it looked blunt. A network of thick, bluish veins added to the look of virility. Shit, his cock was muscular! I reached over for it. I couldn't get my hand around it any more than I could get my hand around Jason's cock or a beer can.

"Damn, I don't know if I can even get my mouth around that," I said.

"Is that the way you want it?" he asked.

"For starters, yeah."

"Okay, but just so you know, I'm open to anything," he said.

I bent over his middle with my lips wet. His thick cock stretched my mouth something terrible. I could barely take him. The head was like trying to stuff a small orange in my mouth. I did what I could, lapping my tongue all around, swiping up the ball juice that ran copiously out of the wide opening. I mean wide. I was able to drive my tongue into the opening and dip the stuff out. Damn, he tasted good. I like ball juice better than cum; the juicy stuff before the thick globs got mixed in, and he had plenty of it.

I sucked him and drooled and played with his balls while he sipped his beer. I dragged my fingers along his crack, using my drool to work my way into the crevice. He didn't stop me but he didn't spread his legs or offer me any encouragement either. After a few minutes I rose up.

"I'm doing the best I can," I said.

"You're doing great."

"I could take it better the other way."

"Are you sure? Well, maybe so, after Jason."

"He was huge," I said.

"How do you want it? On your back or on your stomach?"

"How do you want it?" I asked.

"On your back, but it goes in deeper that way. But what the hell, deep shouldn't be any problem for you, after Jason. You said you wanted a buzz, let's finish off the beer," he said.

We downed the rest of the beer. I was seeing through a haze. The buzz felt good. Toby twisted around to get some lube out of the drawer of the nightstand and I stretched out on my back. He had a condom too that he held up like he was asking if he should use it.

"It's your call," I said.

"Good." He tossed the condom aside. "I hate the damned things. They're all too tight."

"No wonder," I said, as I reached out and worked the lube all over his cock.

He gave me some more on my fingertips and I put it in my hole. He positioned himself between my legs and I lifted them onto his shoulders.

"Fuck! You've got an awesome ass," he said as he squeezed my butt muscles. "I've wanted this ass since the first time you walked into my bar."

"Why didn't you say so?"

He laughed. "It was pretty much occupied," he said. He set the head of his cock against my hole and pushed a little. "Are you sure you wanta do this? It's gonna be awfully tight."

"You've been in tight places before, I'm sure, with that thing," I said. He started to say something else but I cut him off. "Hey, you're talking to a Marine, I'll handle it," I said.

It was a lot of bravado on my part. I was always apprehensive just before getting my ass plugged but this time I was approaching scared. It'd been a while since Jason and Toby was going to pry my ass wide open, like the beer-can sergeant, and Jason, but it'd been many months since I'd had a cock this size. I closed my eyes and sucked in a quick breath of air as he pushed harder. I was ready. I wanted it. I needed it. I opened my eyes and let them rake over his incredibly-muscled body. That heightened my desire even more. I reached up and squeezed his pecs and then his tits.

"Ohhhhhh," he gasped. "Fuck... yeah... squeeze `em... pull `em.... Ohhh, yeah, man, here... goes.....!" With that he entered me.

"Oh, Geezusss!!" I exclaimed. I froze. "Fuck!" It felt like he had truly shoved a beer can through my asshole.

"You said you could handle it... are you sure?" he asked.

I cringed under the excruciating pain. "Goddamn!" I gasped.

"I can take it out," he said.

"You fuckin' take it out, you're gonna have a real fight on your hands," I said.

He pushed harder and I winced and started gasping like I was in labor. I was sucking in air like a steam engine. I should've been getting used to it but the deeper he went the thicker his cock felt. I hadn't noticed that he was thick at the base but he was sure prying me open.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Oh, Fuck... don't even ask!" I gasped through nervous laughter. "Just give it to me... all the way, man... shove it in me and let's get it over with."

He obliged. He didn't slam me but he gave one hard, serious shove and his cock was embedded in my guts like meat in a sausage casing.

"My Goddd!"

"I'm not pulling out now," he said.

I tried squeezing my asshole around his cock but he was so big I couldn't feel it doing anything.

"You tell me when you're ready," he said.

"Ready for what?"

"Ready to be fucked."

"What the fuck are you doing now?" I blurted.

"Waiting for you to get used to it," he said.

The banter helped. I squeezed harder and was greatly relieved when it started not hurting so bad. I could finally feel my tight sphincter muscles contracting around his cock. I had feeling again, and it was starting to feel good. His girth was stretching me so that it didn't matter that he wasn't as long as Jason. Without asking or waiting for me to say so, he started fucking me.

"Ohhh, go easy... easy, man. it feels like you're pulling my ass inside out."

He fucked me easy but with great determination, not to be put off by my whimpering. His cock was like an electric prod emitting tiny shock waves all the way in and all the way out. He had me trembling. He was good. He was incredible. Godd, he was making me feel things that even Jason hadn't made me feel; or perhaps I'd forgotten.

"Geezusss," I gasped softly.

"You okay?"

"Awwhh, yeah.,. Fuck, I'm okay... fuck me, man... Godd, your cock feels incredible. Fuck me. Just leave me an asshole."

"Yeah, I'll leave something for the next guy," he said.

Toby was good, both talented and long winded. He had the moves and staying power that are rare among men. I didn't know what the big 'O' was all about in women, but Toby had me on the verge of something with every throb and move of his cock. I hadn't felt anything like this since Jason.

"You getting close?" he asked. "You look like you're about to come."

"I've been close for a long time. I've been close with every stroke of your cock. I don't know what's keeping me from cumming, because I want to."

"I can take you over the top if you want," he said.

"Take me anywhere you wanta take me," I said breathlessly.

He started driving his cock into me at odd angles, twisting his hips, lobbing his cock around inside me. He pulled back till just the head of his cock was lodged in my ass and the thick, gristled rim pulled out on my ass muscle. It felt wonderful. He used corkscrew motions that drove me crazy. The blunt head of his cock hit and rubbed against my prostate which made me want to scream. He was fucking me with a steady, determined pace, working me up, pushing me toward insanity when suddenly he slammed into me like a pile driver with a loud gushing groan.

"Aw, Shit!... Fuck, man, I hope you're close... 'cause I'm gonna come... I can't hold it back... I'm gonna come!"

"Yeah, give it to me, stud," I moaned as I leaned up and clamped my mouth over his tit. I sucked and munched on the turgid nipple, driving him nuts. He clasped his hand around the back of my head to hold me there. His entire body bulged and flexed like a mountain of muscle and shook like an earthquake. Seconds later he was pumping heavy loads of cum inside me. Fuck, I could feel it! The stuff was hot!

I wasn't quite there. I willed my climax but it just wouldn't happen. Sensing my frustration, Toby fucked me like a madman to try to get me to go off.

"It's okay, man, I don't have to come," I gasped.

He pounded my butt a dozen more times then slowed down. "Fuck, I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I had you so close... but all of a sudden my trigger tripped... your ass is so hot and tight and alive, I couldn't hold off."

"It's okay, don't worry about it," I told him.

"Don't you worry, I'll make it up to you. I'll get you off," he declared. He hovered over me till his powerful arms were shaking then shoved himself up. He reared back on his haunches and I started to lift my legs off his shoulders but he grabbed me by the calves and held me there. He watched intently as he extracted his cock from my ass.

"Damn, you are wide open," he said.

"I don't doubt it, with that beer-can cock of yours." I reached down to feel my ass. "Geezuss, I could get my fist in there. Are you sure you didn't use a ball bat on me."

He pushed my legs toward me, tilting me in half with my asshole aimed right straight up.

"That is hot, looking right down inside your asshole," he said. "Fuck, I can see your inner muscles moving. I can actually see my cum. Squeeze your asshole."

I squeezed but didn't feel anything happen. Toby laughed.

"It ain't closing up," he said.

"Are you sure you didn't fuck me a new asshole? Maybe a larger one?"

"Listen, I've got a ball bat....," he said with a smirk.

"Geezuss, No!" I said.

"How about my fist?" he said, as he made a fist and punched against my gaping hole.

"Fuck, Toby....." Getting fucked so hard hadn't sobered me up any. I saw him reach for the lube. "You're fuckin' gonna do it," I said.

"Let's try it," he said.

I couldn't argue with him. I couldn't resist him. I watched him lube up his entire hand, numb to the idea. It was like you know something is going to happen but you don't really believe it will even though you're watching it happen. He squeezed some lube into my asshole. Then he slid four fingers inside me.

"Aawwwwhhh!" I moaned loudly.

"That's about the size of my cock," he said. He worked his fingers around inside me then added his thumb. There was nothing to prevent it from happening how. His thumb, the safety hook, was inside me as well. I laid my head back as he worked his hand back and forth through my hole without actually entering me.

"Man, you're taking it good," he said.

"Have you ever done this before?" I asked.

"No. You?"

"No, and I don't know why I'm doing it now."

"Because you're horny and you've got a buzz on, and you've got a hungry ass. Who needs a reason, anyway," he said.

While he was talking he was working my hole and I suddenly realized that his hand was inside me! My asshole was locked tightly around his wrist!

"Ohh, Fuck!" I moaned softly, laying my head back. Then he made a fist. "Ohhhh....Ohhh, My Godd!" He clenched and unclenched his fist. "Ohh, Geezuss.... Ohhh, fuck, Toby!" I could feel myself floating off. The buzz, or insanity taking over, I didn't know, and I didn't care. I went with it. I rode the crest.

"You are fuckin' awesome," I heard a voice say; a voice I barely recognized, then I heard myself whimper. I reached down and felt Toby's elbow. He had most of his forearm shoved up inside me! "Ohh, Goddd!" How far was he going to go? I squeezed his bicep. Oh, fuck, if he shoves in that deep.....! I got scared. "Please... aww, please, Toby, I don't wanta do this," I whimpered. He didn't say anything. He began pulling his arm out. Instead of pulling his hand out, he made a fist and pulled that through my asshole. I thought I was going to pass out, but it wasn't from pain, and I almost told him to shove it back in.

"Ahh, Yessss!" he whispered as he gazed at my gaping asshole. I saw him flick his tongue out to wet his lips. He wouldn't....fuck, not Toby.... hell, he was practically straight. Most guys at the bar thought he was straight.

"Okay, I said I would get you off....." His words trailed off and he wet his lips and I shivered at what he was going to do. Suddenly he buried his face in my ass and drove his tongue into my gaping hole. Deep. Deeper than anybody had ever tongued me. Hell, his mouth was inside me, and his tongue felt like a small cock darting around inside me. I groaned but I choked on it and it didn't come out. I pressed my head back into the pillow and clawed the sheets. It felt like my asshole opened even wider to welcome his tongue. Maybe I got it wrong. He hadn't really fisted me and maybe he didn't intend to. He was simply opening me up so he could do this to me.

I felt his hot spit drooling into my ass and he washed it all around the delicate inner muscles. "Oh, Geezusss, Toby!" I moaned. "Ohh, yeah....tongue it....eat it, you big stud.... oohhnnnn....awww, you're getting me there.... so close.... so fuckin' close... don't stop, man... please don't stop Toby!... I'm comin'....!!!"

I came so hard the bed shook. I shot off so hard my head ached from the blood pounding in my temples. I sprayed myself; shot come all over my face, neck, shoulders, chest and in my mouth and nose. There were pools of cum in my eyes. My Godd, where was it all coming from! Toby kept tonguing me. He had me so far over the top that I couldn't take any more.

"Aww, please....." I grabbed his head in both my hands. "Fuck, man, you gotta stop! I can't take any more.... fuck, man.... let up on it.....!"

He rose up, reluctantly, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He laughed when he saw the cum all over me.

"Let me down... let my legs down... I gotta get my breath," I gasped.

He pulled my legs down and laid them on either side of his hips. My ass was still wide open and I felt his cum drooling out. I tried to tighten the muscle but I only squeezed air.

"That was wild," Toby said.

"That's an understatement," I gasped. I was groping for the sheet to wipe the come out of my one eye.

"You made a real mess," he said. "I never seen anybody come like that."

Toby pulled a pillowcase off for me to use. I got myself cleaned off and let my arms fall at my sides. Toby moved from between my legs and lay beside me.

"That was fuckin' wild," he said again. "You've got muscles right up in your ass. You were pushing my cum right up into my mouth. Did Jason ever do anything like that for you?"

"No. God, no! He would've never thought about doing that. With him it was pretty much a one-way street."

"I would've thought so," he said.

"I thought it would be with you, too," I said.

"Going one way all the time is boring. How come you thought that?"

"You're so damned straight-acting....nobody in the bar would believe this."

"I'm straight-acting?" he scoffed. "You're straight as a ramrod. And Jason.... nobody would believe he would go for anything like this."

"Jason really was straight," I said. "He just liked having sex with other guys."

"With one guy, mostly," Toby said.

"I liked to think so... but I was never sure," I said. "Damn, I hope my asshole closes up," I said. "I won't be able to walk till it does."

"You're spending the night anyway," he said.

"You know something I always wondered about?" I said.

"What?"

"I wondered if he ever made it with any of those Vietnamese boys he met up with along the way."

"Geezuss, he would fuck those little guys a new asshole."

"Have you ever fucked a Vietnamese boy?" I asked.

"Yes, on occasion," he said. "Have you?"

"Yeah, they're as good as Vietnamese girls," I said.

Toby rubbed his hand across my stomach. "The celebration isn't over. The fireworks have just started," he said.

"I'm sorry I wimped out on you," I said. "I should've known you weren't going to take me any further than I wanted to go."

"Yeah, I wasn't gonna really fist you, like shove my whole arm up inside you. I think you thought I was, the way you were feeling my bicep."

"Yes, I was trying to imagine it," I said.

"I just wanted to get you ready for the main event; my tongue."

I couldn't believe that night. We did everything together. What I did for him, he did for me and I reciprocated. Godd, he was insatiable, and as virile as Jason. His cock looked and felt like a club the whole night, despite him using much of his forearm on me. Towards morning he was whining that it'd stayed hard so long that it was aching. My cock wasn't sore but my ass was numb from the repeated poundings he gave me. Neither of us wanted to stop but we ran out of night and were running short on morning.

"We'd better knock it off and give your asshole a chance to close up before you have to leave," he said.

"Shit, I need to see if I can even walk," I said.

We lay together and talked and caressed each other and Toby checked my asshole every now and then with his fingers. Toward the end, he used his thumb and smiled.

"Aw, I can feel it squeezing my thumb... you're closing up," he said.

"Too bad in a way," I said.

"Why do you say that?"

"I was eyeing the baseball bat in the corner," I said jokingly.

I fondled his cock till it was hard again. I gaped at it in disbelief. "Goddamn, I don't believe I took that thing."

He laughed. "Are you forgetting my fist? Shit, after Jason, you could take an Arabian stallion."

"Anything left in your tank?" I asked, fondling his balls.

"There's always more where that came from," he said.

"I want it." With that, I hovered over him and went down on his cock.

Toby gave himself up to me one last time. It was almost nostalgic. He made me work for it but finally his muscular cock fairly blasted thick streams of cum into my mouth. I savored it for a moment then swallowed it.

"Are we going to go have breakfast like civilized men, or are we going to keep acting like a couple of wild animals," Toby joked.

"I guess it's gotta end sometime," I said.

We showered and got dressed and walked to the little café that was Toby's favorite. Over breakfast Toby talked about Jason. He managed to draw it all out of me and I felt better for it.

"Is this a therapy session?" I asked.

"I don't know, is it making you feel better?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I didn't mean to intrude but I'm the only one you can talk to about it who understands," he said.

"It's the first time I've let it out....all of it," I said.

"Are you sure you want to go back to the States and get out? I know I told you to, but......"

"I'm not sure about anything, but I think it's time," I said. "I think I'm burning out."

"Why don't you stay in country after your discharge? For a while, at least," he said.

"Like you stayed, for a while? How many years has it been?"

"If it's more than a while, yeah, you can make a good life here."

"Not if we don't win this thing," I said. "And I'm not all that sure they're going to let us. Naw, I need to go back and see what's there."

"You saw what was there," he reminded me.

"I saw some decency among a few people," I said. "If I don't find what I'm looking for, maybe I will come back."

"You're not going to find what you're looking for," Toby said. "Especially not back there. He's gone, Brad... you're not going to find him no matter where or how hard you look. And the closest you're ever going to come to finding him is right here."

"But it would be just a memory.... a ghost," I said. I dropped my eyes and started to choke up. Finally, I looked up again. "I'm going back. But we'll keep in touch, okay?"


Chapter Nineteen

Adam Randall

I considered enlisting in the Navy and becoming a Navy SEAL but I didn't. Honestly, even as a tough Marine, there was a tiny part of me that doubted that I had what it took to become Jason. I didn't have his steely eyes and his big, brass balls. So I decided to get out. If I didn't like it on the outside, I could always come back in.

Saying good-bye to Vietnam was harder than I thought. You think and talk about getting the hell out of the place and back to civilization till you remember that where you came from isn't so civilized anymore. It wasn't just saying good-bye to the country; I was saying good-bye to Jason. He was buried in Ohio, but Toby was right, this is where I felt his presence. It was the reason I came back, and the reason I stayed for as long as I did through two short-term re-enlistments.

I took a Jeep and went in search of his old unit. It was still there, in full operation, even his old hooch. I went inside and looked around. There was a guy sitting cross-legged on the floor beside his bunk cleaning his rifle and another guy stretched out on his bunk in his shorts, staring at the ceiling.

"Can I help you?" the guy asked, looking up from his rifle.

"I just came to....." I paused, suddenly unable to explain why I was there.

"Came to what?" he asked, sounding impatient, as if I had no business there in their hooch.

"Just wanted to see the place one more time before I left," I said as I looked at the bunk where Jason had slept.

"When were you here?" he asked.

"Not me. A buddy. I visited him here. Buried him some time back."

The other guy rose up. "What was his name?"

"Jason Seaborne. He was a Navy SEAL, a sniper."

"Didn't know him, but I've heard the older guys talk about him. Fuckin' menace with a rifle, and the ladies."

It was suddenly awkward. There was no connection between Jason and these guys and I thought I didn't belong there. I turned to leave. Going out the door I ran into another guy coming in. He was naked except for the towel around his neck, obviously just returning from the showers.

"Watch where the fuck you're going," he growled.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I stepped sideways to get out of his way.

"Hey! You were supposed to look me up when you got back," he said.

I recognized him then; the guy I'd sucked off behind the ammo dump.

"Hey," I said, suddenly glad to see a familiar face that I could connect to Jason.

"How come you never looked me up?" he asked, coming back down the steps.

"Just never got around to it," I said.

"Sorry I made such a piss-poor impression."

"No, it wasn't that. I just never made it over here. Only reason I'm here now, I just wanted to see the place again before I left. I'm heading out."

"For good?"

"For good if I can make it back in the world," I said. I shrugged. "If not, who knows?"

"Maybe I could give you a better reason for coming back," he said with a tight smile in a hushed tone.

"Doesn't look like the right time or place," I said.

"If you've got the time, I've got the place. Give me a minute to get some clothes on."

I didn't know why I stood outside the hooch waiting on him except that he was fuckin' sexy and built and hung and he was a better reason for being there than the reason I'd come.

"That your Jeep?" he asked when he came back out carrying his rifle.

"Yeah."

"Let's go."

We climbed into my Jeep and he gave me directions outside the compound. I drove along a grassy road through the steamy jungle till we came to a small clearing with what looked like the remains of a village.

"Through there," he said, pointing to a narrow passage leading between the only two buildings that remained intact.

I barely got through without rubbing the vehicle against the sides of the buildings.

"Right, here," he said. I turned right. "Stop." We were behind the largest of the buildings, a structure made of old scrappy looking lumber with a tin roof.

"Is this safe?" I asked as he was climbing out of the Jeep.

"Safe as you're gonna get out here in broad daylight," he said.

I didn't feel safe but I felt adventurous. Besides, the guy was hot and ready, and I was horny for him. I followed him into the building. It was completely empty, with no trace of what it was once used for. The floor was nothing but thick dead grass and it was well ventilated, with cracks between the boards. The guy was undoing his pants, shoving them down.

"I'll keep an eye out," he said as he shoved his shorts down.

"Keep your weapon handy, too, will you?" I said.

"You worry about this weapon, I'll worry about my rifle," he said, groping his manhood.

I stepped in front of him and took hold of his cock. I pulled on it, looking all around, then went to my knees.

"Aww, fuck, this is gonna be great. I remember you were good," he said.

I took his cock in my mouth and began sucking him. I remembered his cock. He tasted good--fresh from the shower. It was one of those times all too familiar now, since Jason's death, when it was just raw, snorting sex. It was the way I liked it... all I had... really all I wanted now.

"Hey, do you like to fuck?" he asked me.

I reared back off his cock, fisting it with one hand, fisting my own cock with the other. "I've been known to turn tail," I said.

He pulled me to my feet and turned me around and almost slammed me against the wall. He lubed up his cock with more spit, and more that he worked into my ass. I arched my back and jutted my butt back for him. He found his target and shoved.

"Aaawwwggghhh!" I moaned when he entered me.

"Oh, fuck," he gasped. "Shit, this is enough to make a guy give up pussy."

I didn't think he had a clue about fucking another guy, except that it was a tight, hot hole to service his cock. He didn't know what pleasure he was giving me; in his mind I'm sure he thought he was using me. He pulled me straight and smashed me against the rough boards, my own hard cock standing up, pressed into one of the cracks between the boards. If someone came by close enough, they could see it. He was almost brutal. I didn't mind. It was the way it ought to be. We were in a goddamned hut in the jungle of fuckin' Vietnam, and besides, it was just raw, snorting sex; the way I liked it... all I had... really all I wanted.

I drove back to the barracks satisfied for the moment, knowing it wouldn't last long. It never did anymore. I packed my shit, remembering to take the packet of pictures from under my footlocker tray. I said my good-byes to the guys in the barracks. Tom lingered back till last.

"Wish we could've gotten together one more time," he said.

"Yeah, me too."

A driver took me to Tan Son Nhut Air Base to catch my flight back to the world. It was a poignant time, driving through the streets of Saigon for the last time. I thought about asking him to drive past Toby's and the Trent one last time but it would've served no purpose except to tear my heart out. It was then that I realized that in the time I'd been back, after Jason's death, I had not gone to the hotel except that one time when I went alone and jacked off to his pictures. I'd had enough goodbyes. My driver dropped me off and wished me luck back home. After I checked in I went to the NCO lounge to wait for my call. I was dreading the flight back. It was a long fuckin' way, and it wasn't with TWA. Deep down I was dreading going home.

As usual, it was hurry up and wait. I never figured out why they wanted you there two or three hours before departure time. It wasn't like a flight ever took off ahead of schedule, or even on time for that matter. I walked around, dozed, got a cup of coffee and chatted with some guys, walked around some more and dozed some more. I was just waking up again when I saw somebody walk in who looked familiar, decked out in a Ranger uniform. I couldn't place him, but dammit, I knew him from somewhere. Suddenly, it hit me. Sgt. Randall, of the beer can cock! It was his son! Had to be! I recognized him from the picture the sergeant had showed me. My heart started jumping around as I made mental comparisons with his dad. Fuck, would he be on my flight, I wondered? I hoped so. Nervous as I was, I didn't hesitate about making myself known. I walked up to him at the counter where he was getting a cup of coffee. I waited till he turned around.

"Excuse me, is your name... well, yeah, there it is... Randall," I said, noting his nametag."

"Yeah... do we know each other?" he asked. His voice didn't match his ruggedness. He was soft spoken; it would've been meek except for the rugged, handsome face it came out of.

"No, but I knew your dad, Sgt. Randall. Well, I met him."

"No kidding? Where'd you meet up with him? Were you in his outfit?" he asked excitedly.

"No. We met up in a bar in Saigon. He was buying beer for everybody."

"Yeah, he was always generous that way," he said. "Hey, can I buy you a cup of coffee?"

"Sure."

He bought my coffee and we retreated to a table back in the corner. I went and got my duffel bag.

"Didn't get your name," he said.

"Brad Courter."

"Adam," he said. "How did you recognize me?"

"Your Dad showed me your picture. Are you heading back to the world?" I asked. "Not getting out, are you?"

"No, and no. I'm going to Hawaii on R and R."

"Lucky bastard."

"How about you?" he asked.

"I'm heading back; getting out," I said.

"You won't like it back there," Adam said.

"If I don't, I'll find someplace else," I said. "I'm burnt out. I don't think they're going to let us win this thing; the politicians."

"Maybe not, but it's the only war I've got."

"You sound like a mercenary," I said.

"No, I just want to do what I'm trained to do. I saw my dad go crazy between Korea and Vietnam. I like what I do. If they don't find me a war, I might be a mercenary. So, when did you see my dad?"

I told him about our meeting and made up some shit; I couldn't tell the kid that his old man had fucked me a new asshole. All the while, I was trying to picture him out of his uniform, and trying to figure out a way to maybe get him out of it. There was probably the time, but it sure as hell wasn't the place. Besides, he looked like he might tear your head off for simply suggesting it. But then, Jason was a tough and rugged SEAL. In my panic, nothing would come to mind. I couldn't think of one damn line to kick things off. It would've been great if I could've come right out and told him about his dad and me and would he like to follow in his dad's footsteps; or cockpath, as it were.

"He was damned proud of you," I told Adam.

"Hell, I'm just trying to fill his shoes," he said with great humility.

"To hear him tell it, you've pretty much done that," I said.

He smiled an appreciative smile. "If I can be half the soldier he is, I'll consider myself a man."

I looked at him, not ogling, but openly taking in the breadth of his shoulders and his arms and chest packed inside the uniform. "I don't think anybody would argue that point now. A fuckin' Ranger... shit, that pretty much says it all."

"Naw, it don't say shit, except I'm doing what I always wanted to do. Hell, you're a Marine; I know they didn't just hand you that uniform with those stripes sewn on it. And then there's the SEALs. There're a lot of guys out there doing what I'm doing, just in a different uniform."

"My best buddy was a Navy SEAL," I said. "I would've kissed his fuckin' boots. I buried him some time back."

"Damn, that had to be tough. Were you the escort?"

"Yeah." I was noticing the guy's hands wrapped around his coffee cup. He had big hands, long, thick fingers; muscular fingers. Fuck, wouldn't they feel great wrapped around my butt, digging into the muscles, probing inside me. I squirmed in my chair at the thought of it. God, I was turning into a slut! I wondered if I could be lucky enough that he might have inherited certain other genes from his dad. We talked a while longer, Adam glancing at his watch from time to time, impatient.

"You sure remind me of your dad. You certainly got his genes," I said.

He chuckled. "More than you know."

"What's behind that belly-chuckle?" I asked.

"Never mind. You don't wanta know."

Just then a big black master sergeant strode up to us.

"Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that your flight has been delayed."

"No shit. What's it been doing up to this point?" Adam asked sarcastically.

"I mean de-layed. They had to drop an engine. It's going to take six, eight hours to replace it, hell, maybe longer."

"Shit!" Adam swore, looking at his watch again. "Hell, it's gonna be one, two o'clock in the morning before we get out of here."

"Could be longer," the sergeant said. "We've got emergency quarters if you would like to avail yourselves. Small rooms with a bunk. Nothing fancy, but a place to get out of uniform and sack out."

"Might as well," Adam drawled as he downed his coffee and plunked his cup down. "Which way?"

"Go out in the hangar, there's a stairway leading up to a catwalk. Stop at the desk to sign in and get a key."

"Thanks, Sarge," Adam said.

I shouldered my duffle bag and Adam picked up his travel bag and we headed for the hangar. We stopped at the desk and I asked for two rooms. It was against my better judgment, but I figured it would look funny, asking for just one room for the two of us. The sergeant had said they were small.

"Only got one left," the corporal said.

Adam and I looked at each other.

"Go ahead," I told him.

"Naw, you take it," he said, patting my sergeant stripes.

"I'm not gonna pull rank on an Army Ranger," I said.

"I don't fuckin' care if you both take it, just make up your mind," the corporal said impatiently.

It was an opening I couldn't resist. "I guess we could share it," I said.

"It's a bunk," the corporal pointed out. "One bunk."

"That's okay, I'll take the floor," Adam and I said at the same time.

"Tell you what, one of you sign and here's the key," the corporal said, holding out a pen. "You can grab a couple of extra blankets from that pile over there to soften the floor."

I took the pen and signed my name, took the key and grabbed up two blankets, then we started up the stairs.

"Have fun, guys," the corporal said.

Adam paused with one boot on the first step; actually, he froze for a second, then slowly turned around. He strode back to the desk.

"Do you wanta say that again?"

"No, sir, Ranger," the corporal said, cowering back. "No offense, no, sir, just making a joke. I'll wake you for your flight."

"You do that," Adam growled, then turned and went up the stairs.

At the top Adam paused mid-step. "You know, it's probably not a good idea for us to be seen, both of us going in at the same time," he said. "One of us ought to sort of walk on past the door then come back, know what I mean?"

"Right," I said. I handed the key to Adam and motioned for him to go up ahead of me. "Go ahead and let yourself in, I'll join you in a couple of minutes."

"I walked back and forth along the steel catwalk like I was looking for the right room, then went back to unit #8 and let myself in. Adam had his jacket off and was undoing his tie.

"There's not much room in here," he said.

He was right. The room was small, made smaller by the size of two men our size trying to occupy it. Hell, even my duffle bag took up a big part of the room. A bunk sat against one wall with a small table at the end with a lamp on it, and a chair beside it. That was all the furniture. There was a shelf high over the bunk with towels on it, and hooks along the opposite wall to hang clothes on. I started taking off my clothes.

"This is like a cell in solitary confinement," Adam said as he pulled off his shirt and hung it up. He was still with his back to me as he pulled his T-shirt off over his head, then twisted around to hang it up. He looked even bigger without his shirt. His muscular barrel chest stuck out easily an inch over the flat plate of his abs. His shoulders were heavy with muscle, as were his powerful arms. Suddenly, the room seemed even smaller by his presence.

I was at the other end of the tiny room taking my clothes off, reaching toward him to hang them up. My throat was dry as I watched him unbuckle his belt then unzip his pants. He leaned his butt back against the wall to take them off then hung them on a hook. His hairy thighs were massive, the muscles leaping and bulging at his slightest move. He wore a small pair of green camo briefs that barely covered him. They pulled down in front almost to the hairline from the weight of his manhood, and the bulge was mighty. Part of it was the design of the briefs, but there was no mistaking that the bulk of the bulge was all thick cock. I could make out the shape of his cockhead.

"Where'd you get those shorts? I've never seen any like them," I said as I was taking off my pants.

"They're not exactly Army issue," he said with a crooked smile. "I buy from a catalog. Actually, my girlfriend bought me a pair and sent them to me and I liked them so well, I had her order me some more. Not much to 'em," he said looking down, "but they're comfortable."

He picked up one of the blankets and unfolded it part way and flung it out across the narrow space of floor beside the bunk. When he got the other blanket I took hold of one end of it and helped him spread it out. We both started to lay down at the same time.

"I'll take the floor," I said.

"Too late, I've already got it," he said, and stretched out on the blankets.

"Okay, if the floor gets too hard, wake me up and we'll trade," I said.

"That little prick better wake us up for our flight," he said.

I lay down on the bunk and turned out the lamp and there was only the light coming in through the small window from a nightlight outside in the hangar. I might as well have taken the floor; there way no way I was going to get any sleep. I could almost feel the tension in the room--all mine--fueled by the imaginary smell of the big Ranger's testosterone. Fuck, he must be filled with the stuff; everything about him spelled STUD. I tried to stop thinking about it; the fact that I was cooped up in this tiny cubicle with the guy, and the endless possibilities, with no hope of any of them coming to fruition....remembering his dad. If only it were his dad lying on the floor beside me! Except his dad wouldn't be lying on the floor beside me; he would be on top of me, fucking my eyeballs out. I stared at the ceiling for a while then turned over on my stomach to try to get some sleep.

I came awake and punched the lighted dial on my watch; barely an hour had passed. I listened to Adam's quiet, steady breathing and my imagination kicked in again, conjuring up all sorts of scenarios that could happen while he was asleep. The risk was, he would probably come awake and there might be mayhem in the small room. I flopped back onto my stomach and when I flung my arm over the edge of the bunk, my hand touched bare flesh. I started, froze, but he didn't move and I didn't pull my hand back. I let it rest lightly on his bare chest. My imagination ran wild and my cock started coming to life under me. My hand rode the steady rise and fall of his powerful chest as he breathed. It was more than I could take; the opportunity more than I could resist. I tried to calm myself enough that I could at least think straight. I could minimize the risk of being mutilated by carefully making every move appear to be accidental, in my sleep; something I could withdraw from at any moment with a reasonable explanation.

I withdrew my hand and scooted down on the bunk and hung my arm over the edge of the mattress again so my hand would rest lower on his body. I was on target! I had hoped to find his lower abs but I closed my fluttering eyes with a quiet gasp as I felt my hand come to rest squarely on the front of his briefs!

Oh, My Godd... My Godd... what do I do now? I couldn't just grab him. I lay perfectly still, too frightened to move even a finger. When he moved in his sleep I left my hand to drag over his bulge. He settled and I held my breath. Moments later, when he snorted in his sleep and turned over, I pulled my hand back, fearful that he might be waking up. But his breathing quickly returned to sleep-mode and I was left with the dilemma, whether to try again. Fearful as I was, I couldn't resist. My hand was itching to go back. I moved slowly, cautiously lowering my hand till my fingers touched warm, bare flesh again. I wasn't sure where it was on his body. I held still for a moment then trailed my fingers lightly downward, searching for the feel of his briefs again. I didn't find them. I explored blindly and felt the definite curvature of his bare butt! Holy Shit! He had taken his briefs off!!

My panic soared. He was awake! How long, I wondered. I couldn't be sure if he wasn't setting me up, or extending an invitation. I didn't move my hand. I left it resting on his bare butt, pretending I was asleep, but my heart was pounding so hard I imagined he could hear it. I lay perfectly still as I pondered my next move, or any move at all except pulling my hand back to safety. Then he moved again; he was turning over onto his back!

In those brief seconds that followed, the scenario of him coming up off the floor in anger flashed across my mind but I thought it better that I left my hand where it was and continued to pretend I was asleep. I bravely left my arm dangling over the side of the bunk so my hand dragged across his butt and over his hip to come to rest squarely on his manhood when he was turned over. Without moving even a finger, I could feel the rubbery warmth of his cock and my fingers touched his balls. I was terrified for that brief moment but then my fear began to wane. If he was awake--and he was--he would surely move my hand if he didn't want it there. I almost asked him if he was awake but I couldn't find my voice. The next moment I felt movement. Slight, but it was there. Then again; a gentle pulsation. Then another, stronger. And another, more powerful. He was getting a hardon!

My hand pretended not to notice. I lay perfectly still while his cock grew bigger, gradually lifting from between his legs, moving my hand with it. I couldn't judge his size and I was still afraid to explore and find out. As he grew harder his cock literally threw my hand off as it swung up over his stomach, throbbing stiff, but my hand still lay beside it and I could feel the heat of his throbbing cock. Eternal seconds ticked by and I wondered why or how long I would lie there pretending to be asleep and that nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Finally, I moved my fingers, ever so slightly, brushing up against the side of his cock, still leaving possible doubt that I was awake; that I had moved in my sleep. His cock throbbed and I could no longer keep up the charade. I boldly traced the length of him then curled my fingers around his cock, leaving absolutely no doubt that I was wide wake.

"Geezusss!" I swore softly.

"I was wondering if you were gonna wake up," he said, his voice deep, but soft and husky.

"I was wondering if you were awake."

"I am now," he said.

I squeezed his cock, trying to judge how much my fingers lacked encircling it, then I felt up and down the length of his cock again to confirm his size. He was huge. Easily as big as his dad, as I remembered him, maybe bigger. I moved my hand up and down the shaft, causing it to throb and swell in my hand. Finally, I leaned over the side of the bunk to have a look.

"Daauummm! That is a cock and a half," I said. He was every bit as big as my hand told me he was. It felt like he was nearly the size of two stacked beer cans. My hand lacked well over an inch of reaching all the way around it.

"I couldn't believe my luck when I woke up and felt your hand," he said, in a pleasant but studly tone.

"I can't believe my luck, having our flight delayed," I said.

"Yeah, I guess it's not so bad after all," he said. "Man, I hope you're gonna do more than a hand job."

I leaned down over the bunk to take his cock in my mouth. Not that I was going to be able to do it justice, especially in that awkward position; he was too big to suck like a normal cock. Or so I thought.

"Oohhhhhh," he moaned softly. "Awww, fuck, your mouth feels good."

I did my best but I was already thinking I could better do him justice if he fucked me. But I wasn't sure of his experience, and I didn't want to freak him out by suggesting it so I sucked him for a few moments.

"Godd, that is a jawbreaker," I said, rising up from his cock.

He leaned up then stood up beside the bunk. I lay back on the bunk and he lifted one leg and set it over me with his manhood sticking out over my face.

"Here, you can get to it better this way," he said, aiming his cock to my mouth.

I opened my mouth and he began fucking it.

"Fuck, you've got a hot mouth. And a real live tongue. Shit! Ohhh, Fuck, yeah.... suck it!"

I swear, I had both hands wrapped around his cock and still could barely take what was left of it in my mouth. I felt so damned inadequate. His cock was a log. Strangely and surprisingly, I couldn't make an accurate comparison with Jason in my mind. It'd been so long; but in my mind's eye, Adam was quite a bit bigger. I just knew Jason's cock was big and beautiful and it was him, the man, that made it so. Being attached to his body was what that made his cock so magnificent.

Adam pulled back and dragged his balls over my face.

"Suck my balls."

He dropped one into my waiting mouth and I sucked and mauled it with my tongue, causing him to moan and grit his teeth. I sensed that he liked rough treatment and I munched harder. He showed his teeth in a grimace, but didn't pull back or tell me to stop. After a moment he pulled it out and dropped the other on in and I gave it the same treatment.

"Fuck, man, you're rough," he said.

"You liked it," I said.

"Yeah, I did," he said as he shoved his cock back in my mouth.

"Sorry, I can't do this big fucker justice. You're just too much man," I said.

"You're doing great," he said. "Fuckin' lot better than most women that ever tried it. They're always so tender and loving, which is fine--I love to lay and watch a woman working on my cock--but I like it a little rougher, like you're doing."

As I sucked him, he moved up on the bunk, straddling my chest on his knees, and cradled my head in his big hands to fuck my mouth. Several times the head smashed hard against the back of my throat and I had to fight down the gag. Twice I didn't and he pulled back.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's okay," I mumbled around his cock.

The next time it happened, I clasped my hands around his butt to hold him in place and keep the head of his cock pressing against my throat. He held it there but didn't try to force it. He pulled back.

"Are you wanting to take it down your throat?" he asked.

"Let's try it," I said.

"Are you sure? Nobody's ever had that much courage."

"How many guys have you had swinging on this thing?" I asked.

"You're the first," he said.

"Well, most women don't have a clue about satisfying a man," I said. I squeezed his butt muscles and he hunkered forward. It was what you would call the perfect thrust; gentle but firm, determined, and suddenly the head of his cock shattered the opening of my throat. I didn't choke or gag. I had no hope of taking him all the way, but I wasn't going to wimp out. At that moment I thought it was the biggest cock I'd ever had in my throat.

"Fuck, that's tight," he gasped softly. He was shaking, he wanted to go deeper so bad.

I did some swallowing exercises, clenching my throat muscles and milking what I had of his cock. Then I urged him deeper.

"Shit, you're gonna take more of it?" he said, surprised, as he hunkered an inch or so more through my throat. I kept doing my exercises and it was sort of like my throat was pulling him deeper. "Shit, man, I'll kiss your ass if you take all of it," he said.

My heart skipped at the thought of it. Not that he meant it, of course, but his words gave me the impetus to try harder; hell, to do the impossible. I urged him deeper and he gave me more cock. He was so big and hard I could feel the bulging veins pulsing on my tongue. I could see how distended my lips were around the mighty girth; I could only imagine how my neck must look. It felt like my neck was stretched out of shape and as he gave me more, I wondered if he would push my lungs aside. I was doing okay, keeping up the swallowing exercises, controlling my breathing, but there was a long way to go and his hard cock wasn't going to adhere to the curvature of my throat in the position we were in. I eased him back.

"Let my head down and raise up over me, like you're doing pushups," I said.

"Sure, I can to pushups all day long," he said. He let my head down and I pulled the pillow out so I lay flat as he arched his muscular body up over me.

I took his cock back in my mouth and he pushed it through into the already familiar territory. I wrapped my hands around his butt and pulled him down. His cock burrowed into my throat, deeper... deeper... my lips were approaching his hairs, my nose close to his hard abs. Finally, in a final desperate move, I pulled his hips down and lifted my head to meet the thrust and his huge, magnificent cock was buried to his balls in my throat!

"Ohh, Goddd!" he cried out as he gently smashed his pubes into my face, crushing my nose with the lower bricks of his abs. "Ohhh, fuck, I don't believe this!"

I did okay till he started to ease up and it set off my gag reflex. I choked and he pulled back into to my mouth.

"Shit, that was fantastic!" he said.

"Yeah, pretty incredible," I agreed, getting off to breathe while I stroked his slick cock with my fist. "We'll try it again in a minute," I said.

"Okay, but first.....," he said as he stepped off the bed.

"What?" I asked.

"I said I would kiss your ass if you took all of it; turn it up here," he said.

"Fuck! You're really gonna do it? You don't have to," I said.

"Damn right I am. I said I would."

I turned sideways across the bed, on my knees, with my butt sticking up for him. He didn't just lean down and kiss it; he grabbed the taut muscles and laid a wet kiss on each side, surprisingly close in the inner slopes. I could even feel his tongue. I was shocked when he kissed them again. "Fuck, you smell good," he said, and began licking my butt. He gave it a few laps on each side. "You know, maybe you could take it easier from this side," he said huskily. "Do you fuck? Have you ever been fucked?"

"Yes, and yes, a couple of times," I lied.

"Do you wanta try it?" he asked.

"I thought you would never ask."

"I was afraid to mention it, figured you'd be scared I would rip you apart."

"You probably will, but my throat handled you," I said.

He gave my inner slopes a couple more laps, pulling my butt apart, and I thought he might go for the gold, his tongue was that close to my asshole, but he backed off.

"It's gonna be a tight fit. You got anything for lube?" he asked.

I got up and rummaged around in the top of my duffle bag to get the lube out of my shaving kit. I applied it generously to my asshole then lubed up his cock. Remembering Toby's fist calmed my nerves a little but I still acted like I was a novice.

"Geezusss!" I swore softly. "I can't believe I'm gonna do this."

"I can't believe you are either. You don't have to," he said.

"Yeah, I do. I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try."

"You know what, I think you'll take it," he said.

"I think I will too," I said. "I don't want to sound like a wimp, being a Marine and all, but take it easy going in, will you?"

"Hell, I'm not gonna rape you," he said.

I resumed the position across the bed, on my knees at the edge of the mattress and my head against the wall. Adam filled the crevice of my ass with his thick cockhead and set it firmly against my quivering asshole.

"You let me know if you want me to stop," he said.

"You won't hear the word come out of my mouth," I assured him.

I didn't know what it was about him, or us, or the chemistry between us, but we just seemed to fit together. It wasn't an easy fit but his cock slipped inside me before I was ready for it, almost before I realized I was being stuffed like a sausage. It hurt like hell, yet the baseball-sized cockhead spread my asshole open with surprising ease. My sphincter locked tight around the gristled rim and my ass muscles kicked into gear, clenching and trying to pull him deeper.

"Wow!!" I gasped, my eyes popping open.

"Feels like you want it deeper," Adam said in a husky tone.

"I want it was deep as you can plant it," I said bravely, not at all sure where a cock his size was going to fit. But I remembered Jason, and he never had any trouble finding all the right places.

"You got 'er, stud," he said, and with one long shove, he buried his cock to the hilt. At the end he pulled my butt apart to give me the advantage of every last bit of it.

"My Goddd!" I whispered. "I can't believe anybody could be bigger than your dad!"

He suddenly froze and I realized what I had blurted out.

"What'd you say?" he asked.

I broke out in an instant sweat, fearful now that he would get really pissed.

"You got his genes, I was just wondering out loud what the hell your dad must look like," I said, trying to cover my blunder.

"Naw, that's not what you said. You said you couldn't believe anybody could be bigger than my dad! Did you have sex with my dad? Did he fuck your ass?"

"Oh, fuck," I whispered.

"Naw, it's okay, I just wanta know," he said. He didn't sound mad; just very surprised, and now very curious.

"Yes," I admitted, still rather meekly. "We both had too much to drink and it just happened." I was suddenly and greatly relieved when he started fucking me again.

"Just happened? You said he bought drinks; he didn't fuck you right there in the bar, did he?"

"No, we.... we ended up at a hotel," I said.

"Well, he knew what he was after, then," he said. He just kept fucking me but I was still too concerned to really appreciate the pleasure he was pumping into me.

"Well, fuck me. So the old man likes male tail," he said, chuckling softly.

"I don't know that for sure; it was probably just a fluke," I said, coming to the man's defense.

"Yeah, maybe. Like this is a fluke," he said. "So, I've got him beat by how much?" he asked.

"Godd, Adam, I don't know. It feels like you're using a ball bat on me," I said.

He laughed again, softly, as with great satisfaction, and continued fucking me. When he didn't say anything else about it I was more able to enjoy the outstanding job he was doing and we both were soon caught up in it.

"Ohh, Goddd, yeah," I whispered. "Fuck me, you big stallion... Geezusss, you've got a cock on you."

"You like that, huh?" he said, twisting his hips around to corkscrew his cock into me.

"Oohhhh! Yessss!" I cried softly. "Like that! Skewer me.... fuck that ass, soldier."

"Yeah, I'm gonna fuck you a new Marine pussy," he said.

I didn't like him calling me a pussy, especially a Marine pussy, but I wasn't going to argue the point; not the way he was making me feel. I was clawing the other side of the mattress and the bed was rocking, tapping gently against the wall. I hoped nobody heard, and I tried to shove one shoulder against it as a buffer. Adam paused to pull the bed out a few inches.

"Hey, can you take it on your back?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Let's get on the floor, off this bed and on solid ground," he said as he slowly extracted his cock from my ass.

"Damn, I hope I close up," I said, feeling the air wafting into my gaping hole.

"We'll stop in time to let you tighten up before we take off," he said.

We spread the other blanket off the bed onto the floor to make a decent pad and I stretched out on it, my legs raised high and wide.

"Take it easy at first, it goes in deeper this way," I said.

"That shouldn't be a problem," he said with his handsome grin.

He positioned himself on his knees, aimed and buried his cock again, all the way in one sure thrust. He didn't ram me, but his sheer size burst open new territory deeper inside my ass.

"Fuck!!!" I gasped, digging my hands into his thick shoulder muscles.

"Much deeper?" he asked as he bore his loins hard against my butt.

"I think you nailed me to the fuckin' floor," I said.

Without recounting every gasp and stroke; Adam fucked my brains out. Not just once, but twice. I gave him the best head I could muster in between fucks and he blew me a massive, delicious load to savor and take with me. He'd just shot off a half hour before, and he delivered nine--count 'em, I did--nine more salvos of the thickest, tastiest cum I'd ever had in my mouth.

"Shit! Where'd all that come from?" I asked.

He laughed. "How does that compare to my dad?" he asked.

"Shit, stud, you set the standard. It's so thick, it's like pudding," I said. "You must have a hell of a big seminal vein for it to shoot out."

"Yeah, I've always been a heavy, hard shooter," he said.

We got up on the bunk, snuggled in tight to make room and Adam was surprisingly cuddly, spooning his muscular body to the back of mine.

"Damn, Ranger, I like the way you're put together," I told him.

"Yeah, I sort of like the feel of your Marine body, too," he said. We lay like that for a few minutes longer and he eased back from me. "Hey, turn over, face this way, let's see how a Ranger feels against a Marine."

I turned over and he pulled me tight against him; a solid connection from chest to toes.

"Fuck, that feels good," he said, smashing and writhing his muscles against me.

"Damn good," I agreed.

"We ain't gonna last long, lying this way, though, are we?" he said, pressing his massive meat against my thigh. "Feel that?"

"It's pretty hard not feeling it when you're sleeping with a log," I said.

"I'd like to fuck you again in a little bit if you're up to it," he said. "Man, I had no idea a guy's ass could feel so great."

"With your stamina, we'd better get started, or they'll have that engine replaced before we're done," I said. "I can't believe you've never fucked a guy's ass before. With your looks, and the way you're put together, you've surely had guys come on to you."

"I have but I've always shied away from it. Can't get that reputation," he said.

"How come you didn't shy away from it this time?"

"Right guy, right circumstances, I guess."

We finished the last fuck barely in time to shower and get the smell of all-night sex washed off and for my ass to close up. When we were getting dressed and Adam was stepping into his briefs to pull them on I reached out with my arm on his bicep. He looked at me.

"Would you be willing to part with those?" I asked.

"My shorts? You want my shorts? I can tell you where to buy them."

"Yes, but I would like to have that pair, something to remember this layover," I said.

He laughed and stepped out of them. "Fuck, I guess so," he said, handing them to me.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said as he dug around in his bag for another pair of shorts.

Our flight was finally rescheduled and we sat together in the waiting area, quietly recalling the incredible time we'd had together. He was still raving about how great his first experience at man-sex was as he was getting on the plane. I gave him my home address and told him to look me up if he had a chance, then I boarded my plane and flew on to the world.


Chapter Twenty

Home, Settling In

I went to see my family for a brief visit before setting out to get on with my life. The first thing I did was drive to Dunnsport to see Jason. Yeah, I know, he was in the ground in that goddamned cemetery, but I needed to visit him there. First thing I did was pick up a six-pack of beer. I was old enough to get served now. Damned if the bartender didn't recognize me.

"You back to visit Jason's folks?" he asked as he was ringing me up.

"No, Jason," I said.

"Oh," he said, nodding.

I drove to the cemetery and parked as close as I could to his grave. I got out and walked to his grave, the six pack of cold beer dangling at my side. I froze when I saw his bronze military marker. I didn't know why it hit me so hard; I should've expected it. But it wasn't there before, at his funeral, and it was such a final and stark reminder that he was dead. I stood and read it. "CPO Jason Seaborne, United States Navy, NS401226454, SEAL Team One, Sniper, Vietnam." Damn, what a resume!

I sat down in the grass facing the marker and popped a beer.

"Hey, fucker, I'm back," I said, holding the can up in a salute. "And I'm out. I know you wouldn't approve, you think I'm a pussy for copping out, I should've stuck it out and finished the job, but they're not gonna let us finish it. The goddamned politicians aren't going to let us win. All those young lives are being wasted. Sorry, buddy, but that's how I feel. I know you wouldn't have come back. Well, I wouldn't have either if you'd still been there with me. I would've stuck it out with you no matter what. But you weren't there and Goddammit, I couldn't stand being there without you. I tried. Fuck, how I tried! I even extended twice." I paused, took another drink and pursed my lips, fighting down my emotions. "Toby said to say Hey." I paused again, trying to decide whether I should tell him. "I shouldn't tell you this, but maybe you already know--I don't know how things work up there. Toby fucked my eyeballs out before I left." I paused again, like I was waiting for him to respond. "He wasn't as good as you, though. Nobody ever will be." I started tearing up again and finished off the beer. I crushed the can and laid it carefully on the other side of his marker. I reached for another beer but didn't open it. I just sat there, staring at the ground that covered the man I loved more than anything or anybody else in the world, till finally, I dropped my head and let the sobs take over. I didn't cry long.

"Fuck, I swore I wouldn't do this!" I mumbled. Finally, I stood up and brushed off my pants. I picked up the rest of the six-pack but set it back down on his marker. Maybe he might have another visitor who would like a cold one. I stared at the marker for a moment then turned and walked away. I didn't look back. I knew I would come again and it felt good that he was so close.

I stayed with my folks for less than a week. They were disappointed when I told them I was moving on; somehow they thought I had come home to stay. For how long they planned that, I didn't know. Fact was, we didn't get along like we did before. Try as she might, Mom couldn't help being Mom and treating me like I was still a kid in school. Dad... well, that was a simple matter of two men living under the same roof. Truth was, I wasn't the teenager who left and I didn't think they liked the man who came back home. We parted on good terms, but we all understood that parting had to happen, for all our sakes.

I was drawn to Columbus, Ohio. It was a big city but close enough to Jason in Dunnsport, as well as my hometown of Benton Heights over in Indiana. Maybe Toby was right; maybe I was still looking for Jason; and I knew where he would always be now, and I took comfort in that. I moved into a motel till I could find a permanent place. There was construction all around Columbus and I landed a job as an assistant foreman on one of the sites and began looking to buy a place of my own.

My choice of a real estate agent was a real fluke. He turned out to be gay. I didn't see it in him but he saw it in me first. Hell, I was looking for a place to buy, not a sex partner. We'd been working together for over a week and he revealed himself to me one day when he was showing me a property. It was a place well out in the country, located in heavily wooded hills back off a winding lane. A small stream cut into the back of the property for several hundred yards. The house was a big, old farmhouse, on its way to being run down but with a lot of potential. There was a small barn, complete with hayloft, and horse stables and some other outbuildings. I envisioned myself becoming a part-time farmer. There was still some furniture left in the house; a big kitchen table and chairs, an old cabinet that I deemed to be an antique, and some chairs and tables and a huge woven rug in the living room.

"There's not enough land to farm, but you could raise farm animals, and a big garden," Josh, my agent, was saying as we stood in the barn.

"I guess that'd be close enough to being a farmer," I said.

"You could do about anything you want back here," he went on. "It's very much out of the way, secluded to a fault up here on the hill. You could have loud, wild parties and nobody would ever know."

"I'm not really a party guy," I said. "At least not loud, wild parties."

"Ah, the more intimate type," he said.

I laughed. We went back inside for me to take another look through the house. My mind was already pretty much made up but I wanted to go through it again and inspect it for any serious faults that I'd missed before. I found nothing new and the ones I saw were fixable.

"I think I'll take it," I announced in the kitchen.

"Great. I'll get the paper work started."

"How long do you think it'll take?" I asked.

"Well, since there's no one living here, occupancy can be immediate. It's just the time to get the loan approved and the papers shoved through the system. I'm very good at that."

"When can we start on the paper work?" I asked. "The loan won't be a problem; I've got some money saved up."

"Right now, then, if you want to come back to my office," he said.

"Fine," I said.

I took a moment to look around the kitchen again.

"Makes you want to celebrate, doesn't it?" Josh remarked.

"Maybe I will when it's mine," I said.

"I could think of a thousand ways," he said.

I glanced at him, thinking it was an odd thing for him to say. He caught my glance and in that split second of eye contact, as most often happens, something clicked. We both hesitated and neither of us made any move to leave and it was awkward for a few seconds till Josh spoke.

"You're new to the area. I could show you places to go celebrate," he said.

It came to me in a flash and the words came out. "How about right here, right now?" I said boldly.

Josh smiled, still hesitant.

"I gotta admit, I've been admiring the way you're put together," I said.

"Likewise. And I've got a soft spot for Marines," he said. "Especially Marines with balls who aren't afraid to go after what they want."

"You could say I've got balls, then. Have to have to be a Marine," I said.

"I'll bet you have." He laid his briefcase on the table and moved toward me.

"And where would that soft spot be that you've got for Marines?" I asked smartly.

"I'm sure with a little recon, you'll find it."

We undressed each other and I found his soft spot and he offered it to me. I fucked him bent over the kitchen table. He wasn't Jason... he never could be, especially in that position, but he was a cute, live, warm, responsive man of muscle and I needed that. I fucked his eyeballs out. He was a wreck by the time I finished. He lay sprawled across the table, limp and gasping for air. I saw the puddles of cum on the floor and cum still draining out of his cock when I pulled out. My own cum was trickling out of his asshole.

"My Godd!" he said as he struggled to rise up from the table. "I've never been fucked like that in my life!"

"You've never been fucked by a Marine, then. There's more where that came from," I said cockily.

"I'll take it! Shit, you're not even breathing hard!" he exclaimed.

"That's the Marine training," I said.

Josh and I got to be good friends after that. He showed me around the surrounding towns and Columbus, Ohio. He took me to the two gay men's clubs and bathhouses, several gay bars and a male strip club. I was grateful to him, and showed it on more than one occasion, but as soon as I knew my way around I began to venture out on my own.

For brief moments from time to time I forgot about Jason, but he was always there, inside me. As I went about fixing up the house I always imagined him there with me. It was like I was fixing it up for us. Every man I met was gauged against him and none of them measured up. And I had my three pictures of him enlarged and framed and they hung in my bedroom.

I made the trip to see my family again when my mom decided to have a reunion over Labor Day weekend. It would be good to see my grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins that I hadn't seen for so long. And especially my brother and his wife and kids.

I was taken aback when I saw Brian's kids. Melanie was a knockout teenage babe and Hunter had fulfilled his potential as a young stud. Melanie had her boyfriend with her but he was off talking to someone else while she was gushing full of questions about the war and Vietnam, the country and the people. I thought that unusual for a teenage girl. It took a while to get around to Hunter because of getting reacquainted with people. He and I ended up sitting across from each other at a picnic table to eat, along with Melanie and Roger, her boyfriend.

"Geezuss, what happened to you?" I said as I looked Hunter up and down. "Last time I saw you, you were about this high. Hell, probably still shitting green."

"I guess I grew up," he said. "It was bound to happen."

"He's still shitting green," Melanie said.

Roger, the older of the three seemed quiet and reserved; he laughed but didn't say anything

"You grew up and out," I said, clapping my hands around his broad shoulders. "Well, shit, no wonder," I said, nodding to his plate heaped with food.

I learned that Hunter was about to turn eighteen, starting his senior year.

"What sports?" I asked.

"Football, baseball, wrestling. I tried out for track and basketball but I'm too heavy and I don't have the speed. I played soccer this summer," he told me.

"Well, it's good to know that all of that isn't going to waste," I said, indicating his muscular upper body.

"Oh, I make good use of it," he said, laughing. "Hell, I've got it, I might as well use it."

"Somehow, I don't think that was a reference to sports," I said quietly with a suspicious grin.

"He likes to brag," Melanie said.

Just then a car drove up and a drop-dead blonde got out, wearing shorts and a top that barely covered and contained her tits.

"Speaking of sports....." Hunter said with a proud smile as he got up from the table. "There's my main squeeze."

"That's something to brag about," I remarked as he was going to meet her. I noticed Roger noticing her too.

Hunter went to meet her, brought her back to the table, and introduced her. "Uncle Brad, this is Angie. Angie, this is my Uncle Brad. He's just out of the Marines."

I stood up part way and took the hand that she offered me. We chatted for a moment then she headed off to see Hunter's mom.

"Damn!" I said softly. Hunter laughed. "You were speaking of....?" I said.

"Like I said, I try to put all of my God-given talents and attributes to good use," he said.

"She is obviously very comfortable around the family," I observed. "How long have you been going with her?"

"About a year. And yeah, I try to make her real comfortable," he said with a mischievous grin.

It was a fun day. I couldn't get my fill of Hunter. He was funny and he was great eye candy, just like before only now he was close to legal. I was almost jealous of Angie--the way he hung on her, with his arm around her. His hand would slip down to her butt from time to time and hers to his butt when they thought no one was looking. Evening came and I needed to get on the road. I began the rounds of telling everyone good-bye. My mom and dad walked out to my car with me then Hunter came up, along with Angie, and Melanie and Roger. He'd remained rather aloof; he hadn't talked much.

"Hey, maybe I'll come for a visit over Thanksgiving break," Hunter said.

"That'd be great. I've got plenty of room," I said.

"I'll be having Thanksgiving here," my mother said as she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"We'll play it by ear," I said, then her and Dad walked back a ways to wait for me to drive off and they could wave goodbye.

"Maybe we'll all come," Melanie chimed in. "Do you have room for all of us?"

"All, meaning....?"

"The four of us," she said quietly so her parents wouldn't hear. "That is if you'd like to go," she said to her boyfriend.

"Sure, I'd like to see your place," he said.

"Just make sure your parents never find out, nor your grandparents," I said.

That scenario, of the two couples and especially the big hunk, Roger, staying with me for a couple of days whetted my appetite and gave me something to look forward to. I got the house in order and set about fixing up rooms for them. I'd planned on making the room farther down the hall from my room into a guest room anyway, and I also fixed up the room right across my mine.


Chapter Twenty-One

Hunter and Roger

Come Thanksgiving, my mom wanted everybody home. She got her wish but Hunter and Melanie told her they had already planned to come to visit me. She seemed to be peeved at me. I told her we would all be there first but I told her I couldn't go back on my word. In truth, I couldn't pass up such a golden opportunity. I know, it was selfish of me. It was agreed that Hunter would take Angie home, and Roger would drive Melanie to my place.

It was unseasonably warm for Thanksgiving. Warm enough that Hunter drove up with his windows down and wearing just his T-shirt.

"Where's Angie?"

"I have to go pick her up later, like we're going on a date. She has to make arrangements for a girlfriend to cover for her."

"Good, I'm not ready to face off with mom or your mother and dad on that issue if they found out," I said.

I took him through the house and showed him his room and told him I would walk him around the place.

"This is an awesome place to bring women," he said.

"That's an interesting observation," I said.

We wolfed down sandwiches and Hunter helped himself to a cold beer and set one out for me.

"That's not a habit with you I hope," I said.

"Naw, I can take it or leave it," he said.

"Unlike sex," I joked.

"Unlike sex," he agreed. "You got a girlfriend, Uncle Brad?" he asked.

"No one steady. Nobody that I can introduce around."

"Oh... sneak 'em in and sneak 'em out," he said, laughing.

"Well, I haven't been in circulation very long, you know, I'm kind of out of practice," I said.

"Crap! You were a Marine. You never got out of circulation, or practice," he said.

"Okay, civilian circulation. The girls are a lot different back home. And by the way, I'm only going to say this once... there is no such thing as a 'were' Marine. Once a Marine, always a Marine."

"Yes, sir. I stand humbly corrected," he said. "You got a lot of that Vietnam pussy, I'll bet."

"My share, I guess, like anybody else," I lied.

"What're they like?" he asked anxiously, obviously wanting to talk about sex, like any teenaged boy.

"Small," I said.

"And tight, huh?" he said with a leering grin.

'Small in stature, but they can handle a horse. They love American GIs."

"And you know that first hand, being the horse you are," he joked.

He wouldn't let it go of it; he wanted to talk about sex. He was old enough so I told him about some of my escapades with women in Vietnam. He loved hearing them. I wondered what he would think if I told him of more of my escapades with men.

Roger arrived after lunch, without my niece.

"Where's my sister?" Hunter asked.

"She backed off. Her mother was getting suspicious. She wants you to pick her up, try to placate your mom," he said.

Moments later Angie called and Hunter went to pick her up and I was left alone with Roger. He was a big guy, a college running back and a wrestler. It all showed in the way he was built.

"Well, I was just about to take Hunter around the place, would you like to take the tour?" I asked.

"Sure. It looks like you've got a nice place here."

We walked across the yard and back around the barn and headed back through the woods. It was up and down hills till we went up to the highest point overlooking where the small creek snaked back through the property.

"Nice," Roger said. "Is it deep enough to swim in?"

"Only in one spot. Mostly just wading or just playing around in the water."

"I'll bet you come here a lot," he said.

"Yeah, it's a great place to wind down." Then I asked, "How long have you known my niece?"

"That question always has overtones," he said with an easy smile. "You're really asking how well I know your niece."

"No, just making conversation," I said.

Roger stepped aside, not turning completely away from me and undid his shorts to take a piss. I didn't make a point of looking but he didn't make a point of concealing anything and I was taken aback at what he hauled out of his shorts.

"Well, damn, dude!" I exclaimed, laughing.

He laughed. "It gets the job done," he said nonchalantly.

"I'll bet it does."

Since he was so open about showing himself, I didn't feel awkward about watching him. He finished pissing and milked his cock several times and shook it but he didn't put it away.

"You done looking?" he asked cockily.

"Yeah. Geezusss, I'll bet you go over big in the locker room."

"Girls or boys locker room?" he joked. He still didn't put his cock away.

"Either one or both, probably. Shit, can you even get your hand around it?" I said.

"This way, I can," he said as he put his hand around it and squeezed his fingers to touch. "I can barely touch my fingers when it's hard, though. The guys in the locker room call it a beer can cock." Then he knocked the wind out of me. "Do you wanta see if you can get your hand around it?" he asked daringly. "Your hands are bigger than mine." He held up one hand.

I didn't know where he was heading, if anywhere, but the way he said it, so bold, made me feel comfortable taking him up on his boyish dare.

"Not much bigger," I said as put my hand up to his to measure. My fingers were a little longer.

"Bet yours would reach," he said. He put his hands on hips, looking down at his thick cock still hanging out of his fly.

I boldly reached out and wrapped my hand around the thick hunk of meat. He jumped, but didn't recoil. He was already pretty solid and beginning to grow and I was barely able to touch my fingers around it. "Damn, Roger, how big does it get?"

"Pull on it a few times, you'll find out," he said jokingly.

I didn't pull very hard but I squeezed and milked it and gave it enough attention that it was responding without making me appear to be anything more than curious or taking him up on his dare. As his cock expanded and hardened, extending through my fist and spreading my fingers apart I knew I had to let go before all was lost. He was my niece's boyfriend; I couldn't let it go past a boyish dare, something we were both too old for. I let go and his cock hung way out and lolled up and down in a wide arch. He still didn't put it away and we stood watching as it got bigger with each pulsating throb. Actually, Roger watched himself; I gaped.

"How big is it gonna get?" I asked again.

"I don't know for sure how big it is. Eight inches, maybe; it was getting close to eight the last time I measured it. I'll take these off so you can see it full length," he said. With that he undid his shorts and let them drop and shoved his shorts down, exposing his manhood fully. It swung upward with a powerful throb and quivered, hard as rock, as if it were glad to be free.

"There it is, in all its glory, along with the balls to match," he said proudly.

I thought he shorted himself with the eight inches and the thing was thick as hell. It was youthfully smooth, without the mature, gnarled look of thick veins. He was neatly cut, the broad, meaty head stood out proudly at the end, flared back almost menacingly, the hood swelling out with each throb that brought the big cock quivering up at a sharp angle.

"And Melanie can handle all of that?" I asked. He blinked, surprised, and laughing softly."I'm her uncle, not her father, I don't have to hide my head in the sand," I said.

"If I take it slow and easy," he replied. "Once I get her stretched to fit, she handles it okay."

I almost reminded him that she was underage but it wouldn't matter. I was practically drooling, wishing he hadn't shoved his shorts down. His hiking shorts and his briefs were down around his ankles now, and he looked too naked. From the side view I took in his high-set, rounded, tight, bubble butt. I ached to touch the smooth, hard muscles. I wanted desperately to get in there between those twin mounds with my tongue. Dare, I kept telling myself over and over. It couldn't go beyond a dare. I could stand and look and be curious, but no more than that. But it turned out that Roger had other ideas in his handsome head.

"Wanta see if you can get your hand around it now?" he asked again as he twisted his hips back and forth, causing his cock to sway back and forth.

I nearly choked. Was he just being bold and cocky or was he baiting me, or coming on to me? In the end it didn't matter whether it was an invitation or a challenge, I couldn't resist his boyish manly charms. I reached out and wrapped my hand around his cock as far as it would reach. Even when I squeezed, I couldn't touch my fingers around the hard shaft.

"Geezusss!" I gasped.

"Yeah, sometimes I don't believe it either," he said as he added his hand below mine around the long shaft. "Look at that, both hands around it and we still don't even cover the head."

"Now you're bragging," I said.

"Looks like fact to me," he said cockily. He moved his hand back and forth on the shaft, taking my hand with it. "Scared Melanie the first time she saw it."

I wanted to hear that story but another time. I was weakening. Literally, my legs were threatening to buckle under me and I would be on my knees in a moment if I wasn't careful; on my knees where I longed to be, but where I didn't dare go. I had already allowed things to go too far. My niece's boyfriend was standing in my woods, naked for all practical purposes, with a hardon that wouldn't quit, and with both our hands wrapped around it. It was not a proper scenario by any standards and there would be no plausible explanation if we were seen. Roger moved his fist up and down the shaft a couple more times, taking my own hand with it. My hand shouldn't have been where it was because he removed his hand and I was left holding his cock all by myself. I had to decide pretty damned quick whether to let go of his cock or play my hand.

"I'm kinda glad things worked out the way they did, Hunter leaving to pick up Melanie," he said hoarsely.

In those five or six seconds it took him to say it, his cock throbbed in my fist, rendering me helpless and I started moving my hand back and forth on his cock.

"That feels good, Uncle Brad," he said huskily. "Is it okay if I call you Uncle Brad?

"If you want to."

"Somebody else's hand always feels better than your own," he said.

"Have you had very many hands wrapped around your cock?" I asked.

"Sure, plenty of girls, but never another guy. Ohhh, you can squeeze it harder if you want when you jack it."

His words reduced the situation to what it really was. I was jacking him off, no two ways about it; because it was just my hand on his cock, and I was moving it back and forth. Shit, my own niece's boyfriend! I continued to move my hand up and down the long shaft.

"Aww, yehhhhh, that feels good when you stretch the skin back like that," he moaned. "You can squeeze my balls, too, if you want. They can take it rough. I damn near squeeze 'em off when I jack off."

It was great to hear him talk so openly about jacking off. I let go of his cock and cupped his balls in my hand. They overflowed my hand. "Damn, you've got balls like a young stallion," I said.

"Do 'em both, my cock and my balls at the same time," he said.

I didn't know exactly when he had taken charge--probably from the beginning--but I did as he said. I took his cock in one hand and his balls in the other. I didn't know whether it was innocence or bold arrogance but he made no bones about letting me know what he wanted me to do to make it feel better. I wondered how far he would take it; if he would ask or tell me to suck him, and whether I would. There was precum oozing out the wide slit, just a wink glistening in the bright sunlight, then more that started to run down the head. I wanted to lean down and lap it off but he flicked it with his fingertip and then surprisingly, licked his finger.

"Fuck, man, I don't know why I do that. I just don't like to see it go to waste. I wish I could take my cum when I jack off, but I don't like the taste of the real thing."

"Maybe it's an acquired taste. Maybe you should practice," I joked.

"Precum doesn't taste so bad, though" he said. "You ever taste your own cum when you were a kid?"

I laughed. "Yeah. Who hasn't?"

"Did you like it?" he asked.

"Actually, I didn't mind the taste all that much," I admitted.

"So you did it more than once," he said.

"Yup, afraid I did."

"I've done it lots of times, licked my precum off my fingers," he said. He stood watching my hand on his cock thrusting his cock through my fist. "You wanta jack me off and taste mine?" he asked.

Oh, Fuck! Where was he taking me? I wondered if he even knew himself or if he was just blundering through a situation not of his own making; racing with his own curiosity. I hesitated and I think it shook him back to reality.

"Fuck, I was probably out of line with that," he said quickly.

"No, it's okay," I said as I continued moving my fist up and down his cock.

"Take yours out, why don't you," he said. "Let's see what you've got."

He was pushing me over the line. I grabbed hold of some vestige of my common sense, and said, "Look, Roger, I don't think we should be doing this." But I didn't let go of his cock.

He looked a little embarrassed, like I was scolding him.

"But you're still doing it," he pointed out.

Yeah I was still doing it, like my hand was glued to his big cock, and when I didn't let go, he put his arm across my shoulder and held me in closer to him.

"Aww, yeah, Uncle Brad, that feels so good, don't stop doing it," he moaned as he thrust his cock through my fist. "Maybe we shouldn't be doing it, but nobody's gonna know. Just jack me off, please. You don't have to taste my cum. Just make me shoot. Your hand feels a whole lot better than mine. Anyway, who says we shouldn't be doing it?"

"You're my niece's boyfriend," I said.

"So? She's not here."

He was begging me; how could I refuse him? I started jacking him, partly just holding my hand while he thrust his cock back and forth through my fist. He held me tighter against him.

"Awww, fuck, Uncle Brad, how come your hand feels so much better than mine?"

I started pumping my fist up and down on his cock, meeting his desperate thrusts, stretching the skin back tight like he liked. He was breathing hard and his muscles were bulging and twitching, and we were both so into it I thought it was a good time to take things to the next level.

"Roger....." My voice was a hoarse whisper. "Listen, we're already into it... I can do better than this, if you want me to," I said huskily.

"Better than what?" he asked.

"Better than my hand." I wondered if he knew what I was getting at, from the bewildered look on his face; as if jacking off was the greatest thing anybody could do for him outside of fucking Melanie. I was wrong; he knew. Hell, yeah, he was in college.

"Melanie won't give head," he said huskily.

"I don't know if I can get my mouth around this big fucker," I said.

"Aww, try... please try," he begged.

I thought my jaws might lock but I leaned down and got my mouth around the baseball-sized head.

"Awwwhhhhhhhh!" he moaned aloud, tossing his head back in sheer pleasure. "Ohh, fuck, that feels incredible!"

I massaged the head thoroughly with my tongue and the precum ball juice flowed freely. Godd, he tasted good. I loved the tangy freshness. The young guys are always so fresh.

"Ohh, Fuck, Uncle Brad.... Godd, I never dreamed it would feel like this."

I got the impression that he'd never had a blowjob; not by another guy at least. I went fully to my knees and began sucking him while I pulled on his balls. I pulled hard, with my fist wrapped around them, pulling them down in the sack.

"Ohhhh... OHhhhhhh!" he cried.

I eased up on his balls, thinking I was hurting him.

"No, go ahead, pull on `em," he said. "Fuck, it feels good."

He stood with his hands on his hips, easing his cock in and out of my mouth. I reached up under his shirt and flattened one hand over his rock-solid abs and on up to squeeze his pecs. He put his hand over mine to hold it there. I let go of his balls and wrapped my other hand around his hard, round butt. He pulled his T-shirt off and tossed it on the ground. Standing there like that, naked and so muscular and handsome, he was like a young forest god and I was the woodland slave doing him homage; worshipping his magnificent body.

There was no way I could take his cock down my throat when it was hard but I made a mental note that I would do it when he was still soft and then let it expand. But then I remembered Adam of the beer can cock and I knew I would handle this big jock if I tried hard enough. And I longed to show him the joys of fucking another man. I wanted to show him all kinds of joys.

"Awww... awww, you don't know how good that feels... the way you use your tongue like that... Geezussss, I can't believe anything could feel this good. Ohhh, suck it... suck it, Uncle Brad... you're gonna make me cum! You're going to get to taste my cum! The real thick stuff!"

I didn't know if he was that close but I was alert for the signs. He wasn't that close; he lasted for another ten minutes or so, although he moaned several times that I was going to make him go off. The more I played with his butt the hotter he got and the more I had to have a lick at those muscular mounds. In lustful desire, I got off his cock and turned him around.

"Oh, Man, w-what're you... Ohhhh.... OHHH.... Awwhhhhhh!"

In those utterances I kissed his butt, then licked the crack of his ass, then pulled his butt muscles apart and tongued his hole. He must have been already close because within seconds, he was losing it and I almost lost his precious load to the woodchucks.

"Awwhhh... Oh,Godd... Ohhh, Godd, Awwww, I'm gonna cum! Don't stop doing that... I'm gonna come!" he practically screamed.

I gave his asshole a few more lashes with my tongue then turned him around, just in time to see his first spasm that sent a huge thick, long rope of cum sailing up in the air. It looked like a white whip lashing through the air till it landed with a soft splat and draped down the side of a small sapling. His second blast hit me in the face but I captured his cock in time for the third and everything that followed. It was a lot. He filled my mouth with hot, thick cum. I slathered it around the head of his cock and the stuff kept coming. Shit, I thought I counted at least ten or eleven spurts. Finally, his body was lurching and his legs were shaking and he was choking on his gasps.

"Oh, Fuck!" he gasped. "Ohh, Fuck, you got it... you got it all, man... there's no more!"

By his tone he was begging me to stop. I hung on for a minute or two longer then reluctantly pulled back off of the rubbery cock. I looked up at him as I swallowed his cum.

"Aww, you're swallowing....you're fuckin' eating it! Fuck, that's hot!"

I leaned in and sucked his cock back into my mouth one more time to get the drippings that lingered in the meaty tube, then I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and stood up. He helped me to my feet but we were both so shaky that we collapsed to our knees.

"Geezusss, I never had anything that felt so good," he said. "And you ate my load... Fuck, that's the hottest thing I ever saw."

"Part of your load," I said. "The best part is hanging over there on that tree."

"I couldn't get turned around in time, and I couldn't hold it back... fuck, what you were doing to my ass... Godddd! I couldn't believe you were doing that."

"Next time I'll take your load and hold it in my mouth then give it back to you," I said.

He frowned. "I don't know if I wanta do that," he said. "I don't know if I could. It'd be like... kissing."

"Look at it as mouth-to-mouth," I said.

He laughed like hell at that.

We tumbled back and lay in the thick, cool grass till Roger was recuperated.

"This is gonna be a great Thanksgiving," he said.

"I didn't plan on cooking a turkey," I said.

"Here's your turkey," he said, grabbing his big cock and waving it around. "And a couple of hot potatoes. And even some nice warm, thick gravy you can work up. Heck, I'm coming back for Christmas vacation, and every other chance I get."

"Are you talking with or without Melanie?" I asked.

"Would it matter if I came by myself?"

"I don't want anyone to get suspicious," I said.

"Have you ever done anything like this with Hunter?" he asked.

"No. I'm not going to go over that fence," I said.

"Poor sucker, he doesn't know what he's missing."

"I can trust you not tell him about this," I said. "Or Melanie."

"Trust me, you can trust me. Hey, can we really do this again sometime?" he asked. "Doesn't have to be an overnight, I could just be driving by sometime."

"Sure. Anytime you like," I said.

Hunter arrived with the girls and Roger greeted Melanie with a warm kiss as if nothing had happened. While the grill was heating up I took the boys upstairs and pointed out their bedrooms.

"The girls can share this one and you two guys can share the room next to mine." They gave me a dumb, 'are-you-serious' look then broke out laughing.


Chapter Twenty-Two

Roger's Visits

I advanced in my job and became a foreman, in charge of my own construction sites. The pay was good. I was enjoying fixing up my place, and I especially enjoyed Hunter's visits. He was great helping me out. One time he brought Roger with him and he proved to be pretty handy with tools, too. I was beginning to appreciate my niece's choice in men.

Roger dropped by several times by himself "to help out." We didn't spend much time working on the house before we were in bed. Godd, he was hot. Careful as I was, we became careless and nearly got caught one time. We had gotten right down to sex; his cock found either my mouth or my ass--yeah, I had introduced him to fucking male ass--he was fucking me into next week when a voice came booming up the stairs.

"Hey, anybody awake?"

We both froze and Roger's cock bolted like cold steel in my ass just before he pulled it out.

"Ohh, Shit! It's Melanie's Dad!" he gasped as he climbed off of me and rushed to the bathroom, clothes in hand.

I slipped on a pair of shorts and a robe on top of that to hide my hardon. I went to the top of the stairs just as my brother was about to come up.

"I was on my way back from Columbus, thought I'd stop in."

"Yeah, great, I'll make some coffee," I said, trying to sound happy to see him as I went down the stairs. I was, actually, I just didn't know if I was rid of another kind of happiness that I didn't want him to see on my face.

"That's Roger's car out front," he said.

"Yeah, he's been helping me, along with Hunter, with some projects around the house. He's just getting out of the shower. We were doing some plaster work."

Roger came down a few minutes later in his jeans and a T-shirt. We sat around the kitchen table and talked for a while and I sweated it out whether my brother had caught any clue about me and Roger. Apparently, he hadn't. He was jovial when he left and he never made mention of anything to either of us after that.

"I gotta remember to lock the door," I said.

"Yeah, that was close," Roger agreed.

"Can we finish what we started?" he asked.

"Yeah." And we went back upstairs to my room.

I went to visit my parents from time to time out of a sense of duty but I never stayed long. It was better that way and we got along. They came to see me only when I invited them, which wasn't often. I didn't really want them to feel comfortable enough to just drop in. I visited Dunnsport, and Jason, on a regular basis. It was where he was and it was where I went to find him whenever I got lonely for him. I took a flag to his grave on Memorial Day and Veterans Day and on the anniversary date of his death. Other times I took a couple of beers, drank one and left the other one on his headstone. On the anniversary of his death I took a six-pack, drank two and crushed the cans and left the rest unopened. I went back one time just to check and found the other four cans empty on his headstone. I wondered if someone drank them or just poured them out. I was sure there were those who thought leaving beer on a headstone was disrespectful. It wasn't. Sometimes I talked to him, other times I sat and sipped my beer and stared at his grave and let the memories of our times together flood my mind. Sometimes I still cried.

"You didn't know it, but you were my hero," I told him one time. "I've got your football; I sleep with it," I told him another time. Always, I told him I loved him.

I visited his parents once. They welcomed me warmly and seemed to appreciate that I'd come, but I sensed something in them that made me feel uncomfortable; I thought perhaps they resented that I was alive and their son was dead. I never visited them again at their home, but gave them my address and phone number if they ever needed me.

One Saturday evening I was washing up three days worth of dishes that I'd let soak when the phone rang. It was Roger.

"Roger. What's up?" I asked.

"A lot of shit floating around in my head."

I wondered, did I take this boy to raise? But I greeted him warmly. "We can't have that handsome head of yours full of shit. Nothing serious, I hope. You're not in trouble are you? Melanie's not in trouble."

"No, nothing like that. Just stuff. I need to talk to you if you've got time. Hunter said you're a great guy to talk to and help sort things out."

"Sure, any time," I said.

"When?" he asked. He sounded strangely urgent.

"Any time."

"How about now?" he asked.

"All right, as soon as you can get here," I said.

"Actually, I'm at the gas station at the turnoff," he said.

"Okay. I'll set us out a couple of cold ones," I said.

I slipped on a T-shirt--I didn't know why--and got two beers out of the fridge. I went out on the porch and let the screen door close easy behind me and set the beers on the small table between the two rockers. A few minutes later he came driving up the lane. When he got out of the car he had an expression on his face that I'd never seen before, and his stride as he came up on the porch was determined; he was a man on a mission. I twisted the cap off one of the beers and handed it to him as he sat down.

"What's up?" I asked after a moment.

"So much shit," he said. "I don't know where to start."

"Start at the beginning, all the rest will follow," I said.

"I'm not even sure when the beginning is. Goes clear back to grade school, I guess," he said. "Nothing of my doing but I had a natural gift for athletics. I was the proverbial natural-born jock. My Dad even jokes that I wore jockstraps instead of diapers. College was never discussed, it was a given. I was scouted by several colleges, so you know I'm on a football scholarship. But college was really my parents' idea. Like I said, we never really talked about it for them to find out what I wanted. Now, I'm having second thoughts. I've been thinking about going into the military. The Marines, specifically. Hunter said you were a Marine." He laughed, still without looking around. "Only thing is, I don't know if I could make it."

It was my turn to laugh. "You gotta be kidding. You and the Marines could be made for each other," I said.

"I don't mean the physical part, or even the mental," he said, but he didn't say what the problem was.

"What part then," I asked.

"I don't know....the psychological...." He paused and looked at me. "What's been happening between you and me.....well, it's like a veil has been drawn back from a big mirror and I'm all of a sudden seeing myself for who I really am. And as a result of that, I....well, I don't know if I could handle being around all those other Marines....I don't know if....I mean, I....." He let his voice trail off. "Bottom line is, I'm sort of having doubts about which side of the fence I wanta be on. I don't know if I'm straight or gay or somewhere in between," he said.

"Let's try to put things in perspective, Roger. You're a horny, twenty-some-year-old with enough hormones to explode a bomb. Having sex with another guy doesn't mean you're gay or bi. Hell, it's sex; your cock doesn't give a damn where you put it."

He chuckled softly. "Well, I guess that's true but up till now, sex with Melanie was God aplenty. But there's just stuff....." He stopped again.

"What kind of stuff?" I asked, thinking he might have experimented around with some other guy, maybe on one of his buddies and he was having remorse.

"Well....you, for example." He glanced down then looked at me again. "You seem to really like giving head; it's like you enjoy it as much as I like getting it, and I'm the one on the receiving end."

"It's up for grabs, who gets the most out of it," I said.

"Well, it makes me wonder. And you really go ape when I fuck you. Even I know it hurts at first, and I wonder what you can be getting out of it, except making it good for me."

"That is part of what I get out of it," I said. "There's more to it of course--a lot more--but that's part of it. You sorta go ape yourself when you fuck me."

He was quiet for a moment, sipping his beer.

"So, what's this stuff that's bothering you?" I asked. "You're dancing around it, Roger, whatever it is that you really came to talk about."

"Well, like I said, I've got my eye on the Marines, but I think I need to learn more about myself....my feelings....before I sign on the dotted line and get myself into a situation I won't be able to handle."

"You definitely need to think it over before you sign on the dotted line, but what do you hope to learn? What, exactly are you looking for?"

"You said none of it makes me gay or bi, but I've been on the receiving end....you know what I mean?"

I laughed. "If you wanta find out what it's like to have a cock in your mouth, the way you're built, you could probably find out on yourself. I don't think you mean you wanta try getting fucked."

He glanced around with a sheepish look.

I raised an eyebrow, surprised. "You've had those thoughts too?" I asked.

"I'm curious about what you get out of it," he admitted.

"None of those thoughts or feelings makes you gay. They make you curious, and that's pretty normal."

"I think I might be too curious," he said. "Can I have another beer?"

"Sure. But don't count on driving any too soon," I said. I got us both another beer. The way he downed nearly half of it, I was sure he was chugging his courage. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"You were saying you're too curious?" I prodded him.

"What we've been doing, it's all new to me. But the curiosity has been there all along, I know that now. Little things, like I'll take the urinal next to a certain guy, hoping I can get a look at him. In the locker room, I've always had to force myself to not look at guys too openly. And when a new guy comes on the team, I can't want to get a look at him undressing or in the showers. What I really want to ask is, when did you start to understand your feelings?" he asked.

"Completely and fully? It wasn't till after I joined the Marines," I said. "Maybe I still haven't fully come to grips with them yet. I don't know if I'm gay or Bi, and I don't really give a shit. What's in a label anyway? I still like women. A good-looking woman turns my head as quick as a good-looking stud. I can get just as turned on with my face buried in some chick's pussy as with a cock in my mouth." It was sort of a lie but a necessary one I thought." I play both sides of the fence, but I admit I spend a lot more time in the pasture with the stallions than with the mares."

"Sounds like you're Bi, then," he said.

"Well, you can't judge or try to gauge yourself by me, that could really get you screwed up," I said.

"You don't think if I tried it, that it would help me decide?"

"Being gay isn't something you decide, it's something you are. Or aren't," I told him.

"Okay, help me find out then, discover which it is. I gotta know to help me decide about going into the Marines."

I rocked out of my chair and stood up. "Wait right here," I said. It was a spur of the moment decision and I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but I went upstairs and got two things that I thought would help set the boy's mind straight. When I came back to the porch, he'd gotten us two fresh beers.

"I've got a feeling I'm going to need this," he said, uncapping his.

"You know more about me than anybody in my family. I want to keep it that way, because I'm going to let you in on some of my life's darkest secrets. I told you I discovered my true feelings, or faced them, after I joined the Marines. Actually, it was in Vietnam that those feelings jumped out and hit me in the face, when I met this guy. This may sound perverted to you, but he is the only person I ever loved. I brought him home from that hell hole and buried him under a bronze military marker in the cemetery over in Dunnsport. He was a Navy SEAL. The toughest, bravest man I ever knew. He died before he was old enough to buy a beer. The football that sits on my bed was his. His parents gave it to me. This choker necklace was his," I said, fingering the necklace around my neck.

"That's him in the pictures I saw hanging in your bedroom?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"If I was so inclined, I don't blame you. He looks like a total stud."

"I still die a little bit every night when I go to bed and lie there and look at him. His athletic jacket hanging in my closet; fucker's weighted down with medals and awards." I opened the blue velvet box I'd bought especially to hold the treasures and took them out as I spoke. "I've got his combat medals, a pair of his athletic shorts, a pair of briefs....I've even got the jockstrap he wore all through high school and all the time we were over there. It's ragged and tattered, I sleep in it sometimes, and his Navy SEAL T-shirt. Those things are what hold him to me. They're all I've got."

Roger had everything in his hands now and was gazing down at them. I handed the box over to him to put them back in it.

"Sounds like you've got a lot more than that, like a lot of great memories," he said.

"It's all I've got to hold onto, or lay my hands on," I said, making a swipe at a tear. Roger saw me.

"Looks like you really loved him. I don't think that's perverted," he said. "I've got a buddy....a teammate....I sort of feel that way about. I would go through anything for him."

"That's how you know, deep down, for certain," I said. "If you ever feel that for another guy, then you know. But I think you feel it too strongly for my niece."

He glanced away and took a quick swig of beer and handed the blue box back to me. "That's some great stuff there," he said. "And I don't think it's the least bit perverted," he said again. "I think it's great that anybody can feel that for another person, man or woman."

I picked up the other box. "I've got something here that might help you make up your mind about a couple of other things," I said as I took the lid off. I handed it to him, almost smiling at the surprised look on his face.

"Dildos?" he asked, his surprise turning to bewilderment.

"Yeah, I won them as a prize at a party one time, as a gag gift," I lied.

"Must've been a hell of a party," he said.

"Try those on for size; get some practice if you want, that'll let you find out if you get anything out of it. Better start out with the small one."

He picked it up and hefted it in his hand. "Feels real," he said.

"It's molded after the real thing," I said.

"I don't know where I would keep these," he said.

"Do you want to spend the night?"

"I was hoping you might ask."

"Try 'em tonight," I said. "That'll satisfy your curiosity and you won't feel like damaged goods like you might if you took the real thing and decided you didn't like it."

He picked up the bigger one, the nine-incher. "Shit, I don't know about this one," he said, hefting its weight. "Hell, I don't know about the other one. Geezuss, I don't know how you take me."

"Well, it sounds like they're already helping you decide," I said with a smile.

Roger wanted to hear about Jason and me. I opened up and told him of some of the wonderful times Jason and I had together, right down to the intimate details. He reached over and picked up the blue box and went through the stuff again as I talked.

"You guys had some great times together," he said. He had left the dildo box open and I saw him glance at them from time to time.

Dusk was upon us and we went inside to make supper. Roger chowed down while he kept pumping me about Jason. It felt good to talk about him, and I appreciated that I had someone I could open up to about him. We watched a little TV then went to bed. I picked up the treasure box.

"Don't forget your toys," I told him. I sort of guided him into the guest room instead of my own bedroom. He looked at me sort of disappointed.

"You've got some experimenting to do, on your own," I said with a grin. "Be sure to check out the back of the toilette tank. It's important," I said. I had set a Fleet there for him to use.

He shrugged and went in his room. I took him some lube and towels. "They make stuff to deaden the pain but you need to feel it for real," I said.

"I'll be okay," he said.

I went into my room across the hall. I thought it odd that Roger closed his door. I left mine open. Perhaps he was embarrassed. Later I heard the toilette flush. I read for quite a while then lay and gazed up at Jason's pictures. It was my way of communicating with him before I went to sleep. The pictures brought warm feelings over me, I think partly because I had now shared him with someone else. His GI Joe stood guard from his perch on my dresser and his football lay within easy reach.

I thought of Melanie, and wondered what she would think if she knew her stud boyfriend was spending the night. I was about to turn off the lamp when Roger appeared at my door, with the towel over his arm and holding the dildos, a towel and the tube of lubricant.

"I was wondering if I might... well, stay in here for a little while," he said.

"If I said no, it'd probably be the first time you got kicked out of bed," I joked as I moved over to make room for him.

"I tried this one," he said, holding up the smaller dildo. "Actually, I didn't get it all the way in."

"Well, then, maybe you've got your answer," I said.

"No, I wanta try it all the way, and the other one. I thought you might help me out, show me what I'm doing wrong."

"I can," I said. I took the towel from his arm and laid it between us and he laid the dildos on it. He lay down beside me, on his stomach. I lubed up the small dildo and set the head between his taut buns.

"Relax 'em," I said.

He let them relax and I twisted and worked the rubber cock between them and prodded at his hole with the head.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yeah. I know it's gonna hurt, but that's okay. Give it all to me, even if I yell out."

He didn't yell, but he gasped and jerked his head back when I penetrated his hole.

"Squeeze hard on it," I said.

I waited a moment then began shoving it in him, slowly, with a gentle, back-and-forth twisting motion. I slowly bore deeper and deeper while his shoulder muscles tightened and his triceps bulged.

"Fuck!" he gasped as I shoved it in the final inch and twisted the rubber balls hard into his butt muscles.

"Let me know when you want to call it off," I said.

"No, I'm not calling it off, not till I find out."

"Calling it off would be finding out," I said.

"No, calling it off would be chickening out and still having doubts."

I couldn't believe the guy could be so determined to find out if he was gay or straight, and I couldn't help thinking this was a dumb way to find out, even though I'd given him the dildos.

When I felt his sphincter muscle begin to relax around the girth of the dildo, I withdrew several inches then shoved it back in. He gasped again and laid his head back, but without any grimace of pain. I began fucking him with it and he gradually began to relax and spread his legs out wider and hump his butt up to meet my prodding. I concentrated on finding his prostate. It was a mean thing to do; the little love nut could trick anybody into thinking they're gay. I found it, and he let out a little yowl and rose up on his hands and knees.

"Damn! What was that? I never touched that spot when I was doing it."

"Your prostate. Your love nut. The nerve center of your sexuality."

"I didn't even know I had a love nut," he said.

"Now you know. But it's deceiving; don't let it make up your mind for you," I cautioned him. I fucked him with the smaller dildo for twenty minutes or so while he fought from jacking off.

"Ready to try the other one?" I asked.

"Yeah, I think so."

I pulled the smaller dildo out and lubed up the larger one. "This is going to be easier since you're stretched out, but it might not be a piece of cake," I warned.

"That's okay, I'll handle it," he said bravely, jutting his butt back to me.

I plugged his hole with the larger head and pushed it through. He tossed his head back again but his gasp was stifled. I worked all nine inches up inside him, using the same gentle twisting motion. He winced once when I must've hit something but he worked around it himself and bore back on the dildo. I shoved it all the way in.

"Goddamnn!" he swore. "That is a cock!"

"No, it's a dildo. A toy," I corrected him.

"Well, it must be what a cock feels like," he said.

I wanted to tell him a cock feels a lot better. I managed to purposely touch his prostate with every move. He was grinding his butt back on it and twisting his hips around and humping his cock through his fist.

"Ohh, Godd, Uncle Brad, this is feeling so good! I'm getting a pretty good idea what you get out of it now," he moaned.

I let him moan and groan and hump his fist and ram back onto the dildo. I wanted him to feel it, so he would know the full pleasure of male sex and still know that he was straight as fuck.

"Ohhh... ohhhh, fuck... ohhh, Godd, Brad, it's sooo good! Ohhh, yeah, fuck me with it! Oh, Shit, I never felt anything like this in my life! It's almost as good as fucking you!" He humped in silence for a few minutes then looked over his shoulder at me, eyes fluttering, like he was on something.

"Brad, I....I think I wanta try the real thing," he said, his voice almost pleading. "Would you fuck me? Show me what it really feels like.... the real thing. Please? Fuck me, Uncle Brad, just this once. That'll make me know for sure, having an actual cock inside me."

"Roger, this is a dildo--a toy--getting fucked by a real live cock... well, with your doubts, I don't want you to get all fucked up in the head over that."

"I won't. If I don't like it I'll tell you to stop and I won't ever do it again. Please! I wanta feel your cock rubbing my love nut. Just show me what it's like! Just this once," he begged.

I pulled the dildo out and moved up on my haunches behind him, my cock aimed and ready. I was already hard and his well-lubed asshole gaped open, the sphincter clenching, the inner muscles palpitating with anticipation. I wouldn't hurt him; I wasn't any bigger than the dildo. All I would do was make him feel what he wanted to feel. I entered him with one strong thrust and ground my pubes hard against his butt, fucking him in short jabs, my balls smacking against him.

He choked on his outcries. He wasn't going to last long, and I didn't want him to, as much as I wanted to fuck him all night.

"Gonna.... Come!" he choked, his right arm bulging as he jacked himself furiously. "AAAwwwwggghhhhhhhh!" he cried out like an animal and I knew he was losing it. His ass clenched hard around my cock. I kept fucking him, rubbing against his prostate, trying to work up my own climax. I felt a dozen or more tight contractions from the powerful spurts of semen he shot out on the bed. He was ebbing down when I gave him mine. I slammed into him harder than I intended, causing him to groan aloud, and deposited my own semen deep inside him.

"UUUhhnnnn," he moaned. He must have felt it shooting in him.

The next moments were a blur for me. I clung to his hips to keep from floating off till he collapsed under me. I collapsed on top of him, our sweat intermingling. We were quiet for a long time except for our labored breathing.

"Geezusss! Fuck!! What happened?" he asked.

Thinking I might be getting heavy, I rolled us over, keeping my arm locked around his tight waist so we would stay connected. My cock felt too good inside him to pull out, and besides, I wanted him to ponder it.

"Geezusss, I soaked the bed," he said.

We were both breathless, unable to talk. I didn't want to talk; I wanted him to be in his own thoughts and sort them out now. We dozed off and woke up in the same position. He came awake first and woke me up as he was trying to work away from me, extracting my cock from his ass. I pulled back and it fell free and heavy. Roger got up and went to the bathroom. I heard nothing for a long moment then heard the shower turn on. He took a long time in the shower. Too long. I got up and went to check on him.

"You okay in there?" I asked, tapping on the door.

"Yeah," he replied, rather short.

I went in the bathroom; I wasn't so sure he was okay. I hoped I hadn't fucked him up in the head. I was sitting on the stool when he opened the shower curtain. He looked at me with a weak, cute smile.

"One down, one to go," he said.

"What?" I handed him a towel.

"I know what it feels like to get fucked, now I gotta find out what it feels like to have a cock in my mouth. I tried doing myself like you said, but couldn't get in the position." He didn't finish drying off. Instead he draped the towel over his shoulder and started to go to his knees in front of me. I stopped him with my hands cupped under his arms.

"Not here, not this way," I said. "Let's go in on the bed."

"Hey, maybe we can sixty nine?" he asked as he stretched out on his back.

"No, that wouldn't be a true test," I said.

By the time Roger left the next day he had all the experience he needed under his belt. I would not know for a long time after whether I had done him more harm than good.


Chapter Twenty-Three

Bill and Jeremy

The war ended, with honor, of course, according to the politicians. To us who were there, it was a cowardly withdrawal, just short of defeat, and a disgrace to everyone who served in that Godforsaken piece of hell. There was no honor except for those who had no honor; the protestors and the peace-pricks. The day the "surrender" was announced--and that's just what it was--I was so pissed I left work. I bought a six-pack from the first liquor store I came to and headed to Dunnsport to tell Jason. I was so mad by the time I reached his grave I was crying. Angrily, I popped a beer and guzzled it all down, crushed the can and threw it. I popped another one and dropped to my knees at his headstone.

"I told you the fuckers wouldn't let us win it!" I said. I vented for quite a while and downed two more beers. I opened the fifth and poured it on his grave and I left one on his marker, unopened. It was a bad day. And a worse night. I went to the bar and got drunk.

Over time I grew comfortable with my life--happy in my skin--and the pain lessened except for those times when I brought it out, almost as if to be sure I could still feel it.

Sometimes when I went to see Jason I went into the town and walked around, placing myself back in time, pretending I was there with him as a teenager. How I wished that could've been. I walked the football field where he played and imagined hearing the crowds cheering him on. I even drove around and found the gravel pit where he said he took his dates and I lingered there as I pictured him with some girl in the back seat of his car. Some of it--the memories and the imaginings--was painful. Part of it, I think, was that I was getting older and Jason was still young in my memories and he would always be young, and I was afraid of outgrowing him.

I stopped by one time on the way back from Thanksgiving with my family. It was a cold, blustery day, threatening winter, and I had on his athletic jacket. It was the first time I didn't have a beer with me and I was feeling a little guilty about that. I had barely arrived at the cemetery when I saw two men in uniform walking toward me. I knew immediately it was Jason's high school teammates, Bill Townsend and Jeremy Cole, as best I remembered their names; I hadn't seen them for a very long time. They were big men, walking straight and tall and proud, like true warriors, and with good reason; they were wearing green berets. Fuckin' Special Forces. They recognized me.

"Sergeant," Bill said as they came up to me, his hand out.

I barely got a chance to shake his hand before he pulled me into a tight bear hug.

"Good to see you again, Sarge; it's been a while," Jeremy said as he hugged me too.

Godd, they felt good; like hugging a couple of boulders.

"Damn, Special Forces, and wings," I said with a proud smile, tweaking the parachute medals they wore

"Couldn't let him out-do us," Jeremy said, nodding at Jason's headstone.

"Looks like you held your own," I said, eyeing the colorful ribbons on their chests.

They had enlisted together and stayed together through two tours in Vietnam, and they hated the peacetime Army. They were home for Thanksgiving.

"They trained us just to turn us out to pasture," Bill said.

"Don't worry, they'll find you another war," I said.

"Hey, Sarge, are you the one who leaves the beer on his headstone?" Jeremy asked.

"Yeah. You guys found it?"

"Twice when we were here. We opened them and drank them."

"I was hoping someone who would appreciate the gesture would find it. I didn't want to think his asshole brother came and dumped it out."

"Should've brought whiskey this time to keep warm," I said.

"I know where there's a liquor store. We can get served now," Jeremy said.

We remained at the grave, chatting small talk, shivering in the cold wind.

"Hey, Sarge, I wanta show you something," Bill said as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket. He dug into a compartment and drew out a condom in a badly wrinkled wrapper. I could still read the brand name and Xtra-Large.

"Shit, you've still got it? I intended for you to use them," I said, laughing. "I hope you don't plan on using it now. It's gotta be so outdated."

"I've still got mine, too," Jeremy said. "We almost put them to good use. We came back to our class reunion and ended up with two of the cheerleaders," Bill said.

"Out at the gravel pit," Jeremy put in.

I laughed, remembering the time I'd driven out to a gravel pit. "Jason told me about the gravel pit," I said. "And? You went bareback?"

"Yeah, just didn't have the heart to use them," Bill said.

"What're you saving 'em for?" I asked.

"I don't know, something special just never came along. Nothing special enough to use one of his condoms," said Bill.

"I remember you had four condoms. What'd you do with the two you kept?" Jeremy asked.

"There were two girls from out of town at Jason's funeral. Hot babes. They invited me for a drink at the hotel. I started out in the bar, ended up in their room. I don't remember their names."

"Son-of-a-bitch!" Jeremy swore, laughing as he high-fived Bill. "He fucked Madeline and Courtney!"

"Yeah, that was their names. How did you know?" I said, then they both high-fived me.

"Those are the girls we took out to the gravel pit," Bill said. "Shit, I wish we'd known, we could've had group sex."

"It was a last minute thing," I said. "In fact I was leaving town. I took one last drive along the main drag and there was the hotel and I had their room number. Something made me pull over." I never told them it was a gangbang with four other Marines.

We stomped our feet and shivered against the cold.

"Damn, I'm ready to go get that whiskey, what do you say, guys?" Jeremy said.

"As much as I honor and respect Jason, I don't wanta stand out here in this cold wind and drink it," Bill said.

"Hell, he would laugh his ass off if we did," I said.

"Yeah, we need a place where we can get stinkin' drunk and sleep it off," Jeremy said.

The two boys looked at each other and I could tell they were thinking something between them.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Jeremy said.

"The old trapper's cabin?" said Bill.

"Yeah."

"There's an old trapper's cabin way up in Cotter's Woods," Jeremy said to me. "It'd be a great place to pass the bottle and tell war stories. We can build a fire," Jeremy said to me.

"You got me with the fire; let's go," I said.

They went to get the whiskey then picked me up at the grocery store parking lot were I left my car. It started snowing like hell. It was about twenty miles to Cotter's Woods, good time spent talking and laughing and telling stories. More than that, I got to listen to their stories. By that time the snow was piling up and it was still coming down in blizzard proportions.

"That fire is going to feel mighty good," one of them said.

"So is the whiskey going down," I said.

The cabin was small, designed for one man, two at the most, with a table and two chairs against the wall by the window. There was a small cast iron stove and an old iron bedstead.

"Shit! The son-of-a-bitch who used it last didn't leave any firewood," Bill said.

We all went outside and gathered armloads of wood and brought it in and Bill started a fire. Jeremy said he was the boy scout. Jeremy took the old, handmade quilt and comforter off the bed and shook them out, to scare out the varmints, he said. Then he broke open the bottle of whiskey. I took one of the chairs and Bill took the other; Jeremy laid back across the bed, his shoulders against the wall. Looking at his thighs bulging inside his pants, spread out like that started giving me ideas.

"This place has been here since way before we were born," Bill said as he took a drink and passed the bottle to me.

"Yeah, my dad talks about coming here with his dad," Jeremy put in.

"It's in surprisingly good condition, and pretty air tight. It's warming up in here already," I remarked.

"Most people tend to take care of it. I remember some guys came up and put a new roof on it one time. And every once in a while somebody will take the quilts and stuff home and wash them. It's sort of a community project. Except when some prick comes along and uses up the firewood and doesn't replace it. Probably some city shit."

The cabin began to warm up and the bottle going around a couple of times warmed us more.

"Hey, Sarge, are you still wearing his jockstrap?" Bill asked with a belly chuckle.

"I don't have it on today. I'm wearing his camo briefs," I lied. They were actually Adam Randall's briefs that he'd given me at the airbase just before we flew out.

"You still miss him, I'll bet," Bill said.

"Every day," I said. "You don't ever get over losing your best friend. People don't understand that."

"Yeah," Jeremy said, and the moment passed. "Getting warm in here," he said, and he started unbuttoning his jacket.

Bill removed his jacket as well and I shed my sheepskin, wondering for the first time if there was even a remote possibility. I shrugged off the thought as quickly as it came to me. No way. Not with these two big Special Ops studs.... but then I thought of Jason, and Adam Randall, and Adam's dad. They didn't get more studly than those guys. And I wasn't exactly a swish myself. Okay, maybe there was a remote possibility but the how wouldn't come to me. I tried not to dwell on it because it was so remote. But I still did, thinking maybe if they got a little drunk.

I listened to their stories and enjoyed their laughter. It was good to be in the company of military men again. The whiskey made the rounds every now and then, warming us and loosening our tongues, but not making us drunk. Every once in a while one of us would stoke the fire. The cabin grew warmer and the guys took off their uniform shirts. Seeing them bulging in their T-shirts caused me to revisit and explore the possibilities. Would I dare? Was there a snowball's chance that they would go for anything like that? Thinking back, I could count on one hand the guys who had turned me down. And I remembered the guys wanting to see Jason's jockstrap when it was on me; one of them feeling it with me in it. I didn't remember which one did it but that wasn't something every guy would do, so maybe there was a possibility.

"Did you guys ever bring girls up here?" I asked.

They both shook their heads.

"Nope, I never did," Bill said.

"Me either," said Jeremy.

"Why the fuck didn't we?" Bill asked him.

"I don't know, I just always went to the gravel pit."

"Or up to her bedroom," Bill put in.

"Well, yeah, there was that one time," Jeremy conceded as they both started laughing. Bill started telling the story.

"He went over to this girl's house when her parents were away for the weekend, and they tumbled right into bed, thought they would have the house to themselves all weekend. He gets going real good and hears a car drive up."

"It was her parents," Jeremy filled in. "They came back early for some reason. Fuck, I thought I was had. And her dad was a cop."

"What'd you do?" I asked.

"I crawled under her bed and hid till everybody went to bed. Fuckin' six hours I laid under there!"

I burst out laughing along with Bill.

"How'd you finally get out? I assume you escaped with your balls intact."

"You're not gonna believe the rest of the story," Bill said.

"Well, her folks finally went to bed and Shelly came back into her room, said I couldn't leave yet till her folks were asleep," Jeremy went on. "I slid out from under the bed--I'm still naked--and she laid on her bed and reached down and started jacking me around."

"You mean jacked you off?" I asked.

"Jacked me around," he said. "Pulled on my dick, jacked it, played with it, jacked me around. I finally pulled her off her bed on top of me and we finished what we'd started."

"You fucked her with her parents in the house?"

"Hell, yeah, she had me so hot I wouldn't have cared if her dad had walked in with his gun drawn. I got what I came for. We waited a little bit after I was done then she sneaked me downstairs and out the back door."

We had a good laugh and passed the bottle around again. They wanted to hear some of my stories about Jason and me. The best one I had that I could tell was about the time he was in the hospital. I told them about his hands being bandaged and he couldn't even take a piss by himself, and about the orderly having to give him a bucket to piss in because his cock was too big to fit in the urinal.

"Sounds like somebody else, I know," Bill said with a sly grin.

I wondered what was behind his remark.

"He was the horniest guy I knew, and he was hurting after a few days of total incapacitation," I went on. "I finally went downtown to a bar and hired a hooker and brought her back to the hospital.

"They let you do that?"

"I cleared it with the orderly for a time when nobody would be making rounds or coming into his room. I guarded the door while she climbed on. Mann, did that poor girl earn her money!"

"You guarded the door, inside or outside?" Bill asked.

"Inside."

"You watched while he fucked her?" he exclaimed, laughing.

"Actually, I had my back turned with my toe against the door but he said I could turn around and watch. Then he said I should come over and join in. So I propped a chair against the door and joined in."

"Joined in, how? Shit, this is making me hot just hearing about it," Jeremy said, rubbing his crotch lewdly.

"I worked on her clit while she rode him, and I sucked her tits."

"Mann! What I wouldn't give to be in a situation like that with you!" Jeremy said to Bill.

I only told them part of the story, but they didn't ask about the condom. We had another good laugh and passed the bottle again. I could see Jeremy's crotch was swollen.

"Hey, Jeremy, do you remember Gordy Hill?" Bill asked with a sly grin.

Jeremy laughed and choked and spit his whiskey out. The both started telling it but Jeremy took over.

"There was this kid, new in country, fuck, I don't think he was even eighteen. He was one wild fucker. Not very big, but he was built tough. Didn't take shit off of anybody, and like Jason, he was the horniest bastard I ever saw. We were at some damned sleazy bar, the three of us--we'd never been there before--and he right away picked up a girl and said they were heading out. Yeah, he worked fast. He was cute as hell, young looking and the girls all went for that. She was a looker, remember?" he said to Bill.

"Yeah, she sure was," he agreed, laughing.

"Well, he's gone about an hour and he comes back without the girl, acting sort of funny. We started asking him how things went but he wouldn't talk about it. Another guy comes up to the bar and puts his arm around his shoulder and asks him how was his date, and where had he left her; why didn't she come back with him. The way the guy was laughing, we knew something was up. Anyway, Gordy was pissed, told him to fuck off. The guy said, 'Well, look, next time, when you're done with him, tell her I'm interested."

I didn't catch it at first till Bill started laughing.

"Wait a minute.... you said done with him....."

"Yeah, the babe was a him; a guy, dressed up like a woman. Damn, she was gorgeous, I'll tell you."

"You wanta hear the best part," Bill said, taking over the story. "He fucked her.... him. Yeah, he said he wasn't wasting a perfectly good pass; there was a nice smooth hole and he was horny so he fucked her....him, right in the ass. He said it was better than pussy."

"Yeah, I often wondered if he ever went back for more," Jeremy said.

I didn't know what to say; I laughed with them so I wouldn't have to say anything. But the laughter died down, and I took another hard slug of whiskey while my mind ran amuck again with possibilities that lay before me.

"Did you guys ever go back to that bar?" I asked.

"No," Bill said. "We talked about it, though," he said rather thoughtfully with a sly look at Bill. "Couldn't help wondering what it'd be like. I mean, the way Gordy talked, it was one of the finest pieces of ass he ever had. He said he took the guy from behind, he was nice and smooth, like he shaved his ass, and it was just like fucking a woman, only better, as long as you didn't reach down for a pussy."

I had to wonder where they might be taking it; why they were telling me the story in such detail. I wondered more where I might take it.

"Well, shit, look what you've done," Jeremy complained as he brushed his hand over the front of his pants.

"Hell, don't blame that on me, you can get that way looking at a knothole," Bill said.

As surely as fate had delivered these two studs to me, as she had delivered Adam Randall to me at Tan Son Nhut Air Base in Vietnam, she cast her blessing on me once more. Jeremy missed his mouth when he started to take another drink and poured whiskey all down the front of his pants.

"Fuck!" he swore, jumping to his feet. "Damn, now I'm gonna smell like a brewery."

"A distillery," Bill said. "They don't brew whiskey."

"What the hell ever. Shit!"

"Take 'em off," Bill said.

"What?"

"Take the damned pants off. Take your wallet and money out of the pockets."

"What're you gonna do?" he said as he was undoing his belt. He unlaced and took off his boots then shed his pants and emptied the pockets and handed them to Bill.

Bill grabbed a bucket and went outside. He came back in with the bucket full of snow. He took Jeremy's pants and began rubbing snow on the spot from the inside and out.

"Snow is not going to take whiskey out," Jeremy said.

"It'll help if we apply it quickly enough," Bill said and kept rubbing snow into the material till the pants were soaked through. Then he hung them on the back of a chair up close to the stove.

"Okay, how long is it going to take for them to dry out?" Jeremy growled.

"Does it matter? We don't have anyplace we have to be."

Through it all, I was taking the opportunity to check out Jeremy in his shorts and T-shirt. Fuck, he had legs on him like tree trunks, nice and tanned, that contrasted with the white of his briefs. And the way he filled out those briefs!! Suddenly it felt like somebody had turned up the temperature in the room. Damn, he was sexy. His shorts were bulging with his manhood, not tented, but filled to stretching with a hardon that was either still developing or going down, I couldn't tell which. Either way, I could see the outline of his big cockhead, the thick rim. He sat back on the couch and picked up the bottle of whiskey.

"I'm gonna try this again," he said, tilting the bottle to his mouth. He took a long swig while he pressed his bulge down with his other hand.

"One of us should've had sense enough to think of bringing a woman along," he said, pressing his bulge down harder, almost groping himself.

"Don't look at me, I don't know any women in this town," I said.

Bill was removing his pants, too.

"Are you taking your pants off for a reason I should know about?" Jeremy joked.

"I don't wanta spill whiskey on them like you did," Bill said.

"Fuck, Billy, don't bend over like that, with me in this condition; shit I wouldn't even care if you didn't shave your ass," Jeremy said, pushing down on his bulge with his palm spread along the length of his cock.

Things were fast getting out of hand, at least in my fuzzy mind. I felt that all I needed to do was play my hand and they would fold. As it turned out, I didn't have to. Jeremy played his cards first.

Bill had been standing close to the stove where he had used his chair to hang Jeremy pants on. He walked over to take the bottle from Jeremy then sat down beside him on the bed. They passed the bottle back and forth and every time Jeremy took the bottle for a drink he would rub the front of his shorts, his legs splayed out wide.

"You know, guys, nobody would know," he said hoarsely as he passed the bottle to Bill with a mischievous grin.

"Know what?" Bill asked.

"If we took 'em out and jacked 'em off," Jeremy said. "Even if we helped each other out. You know....what happens in the cabin stays in the cabin."

"Looks like you're the only one who needs helping out," Bill said, laughing. "So help yourself."

"But it's your fault, and yours," he said to me, "you're the ones telling all those stories that got me this way," Jeremy said.

"Lets see, Sarge and I heard the same stories and we don't have the problem you've got," Bill pointed out.

"Yeah, I do," I said. I didn't blurt it out, but it came out quicker than I'd intended.

"Yeah, so what the hell's wrong with you?" Jeremy asked Bill.

They passed the bottle around again, this time to me; the amber liquid was getting close to the bottom. Then it was strangely quiet for a few minutes; eerily so.

"He's right, you know," I said quietly, looking at them both. The opportunity was at hand and I couldn't let it pass. "If you're serious, that is.... nobody would know except us." I added.

Quiet again. We were indisputably all on the same track.

"Well? Is anybody going to volunteer to go first?" Jeremy asked.

"Hey, it was your idea," Bill was quick to point out.

"Hey, I'm not gay," Jeremy said.

"And you think I am?" Bill retorted.

"Shit, guys, if jacking off made you gay there wouldn't be a straight guy on the planet," I said.

"What about helping each other out? That's a step beyond just jacking off," Jeremy said."Fuck, I know you're not gay. None of us are. It's just.... it'd just be helping each other out. That don't make anybody gay."

"How come we have to help each other out? Why can't we just help ourselves out? Like a circle jerk?" Bill said.

"That's high school stuff," Jeremy said. "Hell, even grade school."

Another long pause.

"Draw straws, maybe?" Jeremy suggested.

"Yeah, that's real not grade school stuff," Bill scoffed.

"Are we talking about being mature or getting our rocks off," Jeremy grumbled. "What do you say, Sarge; you're not saying much."

"I was just thinking, I wouldn't want to be in your outfit, under your command, if it takes you this long to make a decision. If it was something major, the war would be over," I said. "But since you asked, here's my take," I went on, holding up the bottle. "Whiskey's about gone and we're about drunk. We have to make a decision before we get any drunker, or before we start sobering up."

"Fuck, that's deep, Sarge," Bill said.

"Deep as shit, but it ain't no decision," Jeremy scoffed.

Bill and I both looked at him. "You're in charge, we're waiting on you to make the decision," Bill said.

"How'd I get in charge?" Jeremy asked.

"Hell, I don't think either one of you even know what you're talking about, about helping each other out," I said.

"Yeah, fuckhead, what are you even talking about, helping each other out?" Bill asked.

"I don't know," Jeremy said with a shrug. "A hand-job... maybe give a little head if anybody's drunk enough, and brave enough," he added, laughing.

"Hey, I'm not giving you a blow job," Bill said.

"Not even if he gave you one?" I asked quickly.

Jeremy chuckled, staring at his buddy for an answer. The booze was having its proper and desired effect.

"He wouldn't give me one," Bill said. "Would you?" he asked him.

"No. Fuck, no, man, I ain't giving anybody a blowjob," Jeremy said.

"Well, welcome back to your own fists, guys," I said with a shrug, rubbing my own crotch harder.

"Yeah, what the fuck, might as well take care of it myself," Jeremy said as he shoved his hand down inside his briefs. "Never gonna get any sleep if I don't."

"Welcome back to grade school," Bill drawled.

"My hand probably feels better than your mouth anyway," Jeremy said.

"Are you saying I don't know how to give head?" he said, feigning indignation.

"Do you?"

"No. Fuck, no I don't. How the fuck would I know how to give head?"

"I don't know, natural talent maybe?" Jeremy asked.

I started laughing. "You guys are fuckin' pitiful. You're that far"---I held my fingers about an inch apart--"from coming together and you're both too pussy to make the first move. Geezuss, you're Army Rangers, it's time to find your balls," I said as I dug a quarter out of my pocket. I held it out on the tips of my fingers. "Here's the deal, heads I do both of you, tails you both do me."

They were both obviously taken aback by my bold challenge but I could tell by their faces and tight-lipped smiles as they looked at each other that they weren't completely rejecting it.

"How about it?" Jeremy asked Bill, issuing his own challenge.

Bill shrugged. "Fuck, I'm up for it if you are," said bravely.

"What're you up for? I wanta know exactly what the stakes are first," Jeremy said.

They both looked at me. "What'd you mean, about doing both of us, or us doing you? Doing what, exactly?" Bill asked.

Somehow I thought they might be skittish about taking it as far as giving head; like maybe that would be too much of a test of their masculinity.

"I don't know, we could make it more interesting and do a coin toss just to decide the stakes," I said.

They thought about it for a moment.

"Okay, that's fair enough," Jeremy said.

"Yeah, I'm game for that," Bill declared bravely.

"Can I see the quarter?" Jeremy asked.

"You don't trust a Marine?" I chided him.

"I don't trust anybody when the stakes are this high," he said.

"Here, you can toss the coin," I said, handing it to him.

There was a long pause while he examined the quarter and hefted it in his palm several times, like he hadn't made up his mind whether he was going to be part of it.

"You all are sure you wanta do this," he said.

"Sounds like you're wanting to chicken out," Bill said.

"This ain't poker, dude, where all you've got to lose is a month's pay. A flip of the coin and you could be down on your knees giving him head," Jeremy said.

"Or you could be giving me head," Bill said.

I sensed that Jeremy had let himself get in over his head and he was trying to find a way out. I thought he wanted to do it, yet he didn't want to take the chance of being the one on his knees with a cock in his mouth; at least not the first. Finally, Bill reached over and took the quarter out of his hand.

"What'd you say again?" he asked me.

"I don't know, are we deciding what the stakes are going to with this toss?" I asked.

"No, the stakes are what you said; just say it again so we're clear."

"Heads I do both of you, tails you both do me," I said.

"No, what're the stakes?" he asked.

"Geezuss," I said, grabbing he coin. "Heads, it's a blowjob, tails it's a hand job." I tossed the coin but Bill snatched it out of the air and slapped it on his wrist and peeked under his hand. "Blowjob," he said and handed the quarter to Jeremy.

"Wait a fuckin' minute!" Jeremy exclaimed. "How do we know it was heads? You're the only one who saw it."

"You flip it, then," Bill said.

Jeremy flipped the coin but Bill snatched it out of the air again. He grabbed Jeremy's hand and slapped the coin on his arm then raised his hand so Jeremy could see it.

"Heads. Blowjob," Jeremy said.

"Okay, flip it again," I said.

"What was the bet again?" Jeremy asked.

"Heads I do both of you, tails you both do me," I said.

"Last chance to chicken out," he said to Bill.

"We're in too deep, just flip the fuckin' quarter," Bill said.

Jeremy flipped the quarter high, snatched it out of the air and slapped it on his wrist.

"Last chance to call it off," he said, looking at Bill then me.

I thought Jeremy wanted to do just that but Bill reached over and lifted his hand from his wrist. They both looked at it, not noticing how breathlessly excited I was. I didn't know what to read in their faces; they were sort of blanched and I thought they might have lost the coin toss and were facing the reality that they would have to deliver.

"Sarge....fuck, man, you lost," Jeremy said. He was almost breathless, as if he were delivering some horrible news. He had no idea that I was about to leap with joy.

"Fuck!" I swore. "Well... somebody had to lose," I said with a shrug, resigning myself to my terrible fate. "Could've just as easily been you guys."

"You don't have to do it, Sarge," Bill said in a serious tone.

"You think I would let you guys off the hook if you lost?" I said cockily.

"No.... no, I don't think you would, Sarge," Jeremy said cockily, shoving his hand back down inside his shorts. I glanced up to see the leering grin on his handsome face, then looked back between his legs. "Okay, Bud, you lost, and this ain't grade school," he said as he stood up. He took two steps to stand in front of me, his feet planted apart, his hips jutted out. He pulled his hand out of his shorts, leaving his big cock to fend for itself, throbbing steadily, and reaching out toward his hip. I just gazed at him. Some tiny part of me wanted to back out and maintain the macho image I had with these guys, but it was such a tiny part that it got crushed under the lust that charged my body.

"You're not chickening out, are you, Sarge?" Jeremy asked.

"A Marine never goes back on his word," I said.

"Sarge, you don't have to do it," Bill said. "Or we could do two out of three," he suggested, rather meekly.

"This ain't fuckin' grade school, no two out of three," Jeremy said sternly.

"I'm just saying....he outranks us for chrissakes," Bill said.

"You gonna pull rank on us, Sarge?" Jeremy asked. I didn't answer. "Like you said about us, I wouldn't want you in my outfit, Sarge, if you're that slow on the uptake," he said with a soft chuckle.

I laughed and placed my hand over the front of his shorts and he pushed his bulge against my palm.

"Fuck, I think he's gonna do it," Bill whispered in disbelief.

"Damn right he's gonna do it; he's a Marine, ain't he? And a Marine is as good as his word," Jeremy said.

I reached inside and got hold of his cock. He was big. Long and thick and meaty; close to eight inches, I guessed as I pulled it out and tucked the waistband of his shorts under his balls.

"Might as well just take 'em off of me, Sarge," he said as he shoved them down and stepped out of them.

"Yeah, get 'em out of the way," I said as I stroked his cock. There was ball juice already oozing out and I leaned in and licked it off as I pulled his shorts off and tossed them aside.

'Fuck!" Bill gasped in disbelief

I kinda reared back and made a face. I licked his cockhead again and tentatively wrapped my lips around the head, making them believe it was the first time my lips had ever touched man meat. Finally I slid them down the shaft about three quarters of the way down.

"Fuck!" Bill gasped again, his eyes wide.

I started sucking his cock. I tried to act like a novice and be awkward, like I was doing it out of obligation, a sense of duty, but I didn't know if I was fooling anybody. I slurped and gagged and sucked and slobbered all over his cock, trying to match his thrusts. Bill came off the couch and knelt down on his haunches beside us where he could watch up close. Jeremy put his hands around my head.

"See if you can take it all the way down," he said.

He wasn't asking; he was telling. He held my head and shoved his cock against the back of my mouth, hard against the opening of my throat. I managed to relax and open up just in time and it slid right through.

"Fuck, he's taking it!" Jeremy gasped as he buried his cock in my throat till his balls were smashed against my chin. "Shit, I don't believe it!"

"I don't believe he's even doing it!" Bill exclaimed.

I reached out and groped Bill's shorts. He lurched back in surprise then settled back on his haunches and let me feel him up.

"Stand up here and let him make a believer out of you," Jeremy told him.

"Fuck, if he can take you that easy, he can sure as hell handle me," Bill said as he stood up and shoved his shorts down. His cock sprung up like a steel spring, quivering violently toward his stomach. He wasn't as big as his buddy, but damn, he was hard! And thick!

"Hey, nobody said this was easy," I said, stroking Jeremy's slick cock. "Fuck, man, you think that's gonna be easy?" I said reaching out for his cock.

"He's bigger than me," Bill said.

"Yeah, unless we measure by beer can," I said. "Fuck, my hand won't even hardly fit around it."

"Yeah, I'm pretty thick," he conceded.

I twisted around and took Bill's cock. He tasted and felt wonderful, a good seven inches, and easily as big as a beer can. I had to work to get the head through my throat and work harder to get him buried all the way. But I did it. I wanted to make it good and maybe give them some ideas.

"Ohh, Goddd, I don't believe anything can feel this great!" he gasped as he clasped his hands around my head to hold me in place and fuck my throat.

I alternated between their two cocks, changing from one to the other as they vied for the pleasure of my mouth. I went the extra mile; I sucked their balls and buried my face way back between their thighs, toward their butts but they always seemed to stop me when I got close.

"Turn around, guys," I told them finally.

They turned around, facing the bed.

"Bend over."

Bill bent over but Jeremy stayed standing straight.

"Hey, getting fucked wasn't part of the deal," he said.

"I don't wanta fuck it, I wanta eat it," I said. I was past the charade; I no longer cared if they figured out I was a seasoned cock sucker and knew what I was doing.

Still with a bewildered look on his face, he bent over beside his buddy. I moved in, tongue flicking.

"AAAwwhhhhhh!" Jeremy cried out, tossing his head back as I tongued his ass first. "Ohhh, Geezusss, you thought getting head was great. Wait till you feel this!"

I moved to Bill's butt and his reaction was the same. Now their butts were vying for my tongue. I reamed them good, and deep, pulling their assholes apart so I could get my tongue inside. As they became relaxed and their assholes began to open up I ventured inside with my finger. Jeremy glanced over his shoulder when he felt my finger penetrate his hole and he reached back for my wrist.

"Just let me do it, it's not gonna hurt," I said. I pushed my finger deeper as he slowly released my wrist.

"Ohhh, fuck," he gasped as I wriggled my finger around inside him. Then, "OOOhhhh, Fuuucckkkk!" when I found his prostate. "Damn, what're you doing in there? What is that?"

"It's your love nut, nobody ever discovered it before?" I said.

"Ohhh, fuck no....nobody's ever been that close to my ass before. Hey, Bill, you gotta let him try this on you," he said.

I was already moving to Bill's butt and when he felt my finger he didn't try to stop me. I worked my finger through his hole till he let out a tiny gasp, then a louder moan. I worked my other finger back inside Jeremy's ass and began finger-fucking them both.

"Shit, man, he could make me come doing this," Jeremy said.

I had them turn around again, facing me and began sucking their cocks while I worked my fingers back up inside their asses.

"Ohh, My Godddd!" Bill cried out, tossing his head back.

"Ohh, yeah, this is way better than pussy," Jeremy said.

After about twenty minutes of fingering and sucking, I figured they were ready for more and I stopped.

"You guys wanta raise the ante?" I asked as I pulled my fingers free.

"Raise it to what?" Jeremy asked.

I got the quarter and held it ready to toss in the air.

"Raise it to what?" Bill asked.

"Heads I fuck you guys, tails, you both fuck me."

They looked suddenly sober, poker-faced.

"I don't think so. Nobody's gonna fuck my ass," Bill said.

"Yeah, but what if we get to fuck him?" Jeremy said sounding a little excited.

"And what if he gets to fuck both of us?" Bill shot back.

"I don't know, man, if it would be so bad," Jeremy said with a nervous laugh. "His finger was feeling mighty good up there. "Might just be worth the risk."

"Then why don't one of you guys flip the coin," Bill told hm. "Or better yet, just take turns with each other. I don't think I wanta take that risk."

I looked up at Jeremy; he was still undecided, which was a good thing. I was almost ready to say, to hell with it, they could both fuck me, but I didn't want to turn my ass up too freely. If Jeremy lost the toss, I didn't know if he would make good on it, but I might let them off the hook. If I lost the toss, I could still hold onto my macho image; a Marine paying off a gambling debt. I pushed the issue; I flipped the coin up at him and he snatched it out of the air.

"Are you calling it off, or is this the coin toss?" he asked, hefting the quarter tightly in his hand.

"Your call either way," I said. "Call it off, or show the coin."

"What'd you call again?" he asked.

"Same as before. Heads I fuck you guys, tails, you both fuck me." I decided to up the challenge, make the stakes high enough that it would be hard for them to turn down. "Hell, I'll even throw in a double fuck if you win," I added.

"What do you mean, a double fuck?" Jeremy asked.

"You both fuck me at the same time."

"Both of us....you mean both our cocks in your ass at the same time?" Bill asked, with renewed interest.

"Yeah."

"But wait, you're not in on it," Jeremy reminded him.

Bill thought about it for a moment. "Maybe I am. I'm feeling lucky."

"Are you in or out?" Jeremy asked him, sounding impatient. When Bill didn't answer quick enough, Jeremy said, "Yeah, you're in, dude," and tossed the coin.

"No! Wait! Fuck, no, man I......"

But by that time Jeremy had snatched the coin out of the air, slapped it on his wrist and showed it.

"Tails. You lose again, Sarge."

"I mean....I'm in," Bill finished quickly.

There was a moment of dead, uncomfortable silence, but neither of them said I didn't have to go through with it this time.

"Shit, my luck ain't worth fuck tonight," I grumbled as I got up and walked over to the bed.

"Are you really gonna do it, Sarge? Are you gonna let us fuck you?" Bill asked, still not saying I didn't have to.

"If you don't let me off the hook," I said.

"He's gonna let me fuck him, I won the Goddamned toss," Jeremy said.

"Hey, I said I was in," Bill said.

"Yeah, after the toss. Okay, you're in, but I get to fuck him first."

"Hey, isn't anybody going to say I don't have to do it?" I asked.

"We could say it, but that would leave you a Marine going back on his word. Are you gonna do that, Sarge?"

"You fuckers," I growled. I began lubing up with as much spit as I could bring up and laid back across the bed, pulling my knees to my chest with my butt tilted up right at the edge of the mattress.

Jeremy eyed my ass, stroking his cock. "Damn, that's a smart looking ass," he said huskily, his eyes sort of glazed over.

"Use some spit on your cock," I told him.

"Hey, come over here and give me some of your spit on my cock," Jeremy told Bill.

"Spit on your own cock," Bill growled. Then he said, "Hey, Sarge, I'm saying it....you don't have to do this. Giving head is one thing, but...."

I thought Bill seemed a little pissed that he wasn't sure whether he was in or out and I could see by his face that he wanted awfully bad to be in.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jeremy said. "He's a Marine, he's not gonna go back on his word. Are you, Sarge?" With that, he spit on his cock and hunkered down to take aim. "Have you ever done this before?" he asked as he planted the head of his cock against my hole.

"No," I lied.

"It's probably gonna hurt, your asshole looks awfully tight," he said.

"Just shove it in and let's get it over with so I can call this debt paid," I said.

He didn't argue. And Bill didn't try to discourage him. Jeremy pushed, and pushed harder and suddenly the head of his cock popped through my hole.

"AAAwwhhh," I moaned, rearing my head back in the mattress in a display of great pain.

"Fuck, that's gotta be killing him," Bill said. He had moved up closer so he could watch.

I cringed but asked no mercy. Jeremy shoved deeper and I breathed deeper. He pushed all the way in then, shoving the air out of my lungs in a loud swoosh.

"You've got it all," he said.

"Fuckin' tell me about it," I growled.

He started fucking me. I didn't have to fake the pain for the first couple of minutes; he was big and he hurt. But then with the pain subsided there was the problem of not acting like I enjoyed it too much. I mean, what Marine in his right mind lets on that he enjoys being fucked to pay off a gambling loss to a couple of Army Rangers? But I couldn't help it. Jeremy's big cock ramming in and out of me took its toll and he soon had me riding the pleasure rail.

"Ohhh, Geezusss!" I gasped, unintentionally as he corkscrewed his cock into me.

"That good or bad?" he asked. "Maybe I'm hitting that spot that you touched inside me with your finger."

I was glad he said it; giving me a legitimate excuse to admit that it was feeling good and I couldn't help it. "Yeah, you're hitting it," I gasped. "Godd, are you hitting it."

"Just let me know how you want it; how it feels best for you. Make it as easy on yourself as possible," he said. Then he laughed. "Fuck, you don't have to tell me. I can tell by looking at your face, how you like it."

Jeremy fucked my eyeballs out. He could tell by my face and my groans just how to move and a dozen times he had me ready to go off. But he could tell that too, and each time he backed me off.

"Look, if Bill's gonna fuck me, you gotta let him have his turn, before you make me go off," I said.

Jeremy looked at Bill. "Were you in on this?" he asked.

"Yeah, I told you I was in," Bill said.

"Was that before or after you told me you weren't?"

"Shit, man, just let me at him," Bill said, stroking his thick cock.

"I don't think you were in, but okay, you can have a stab at him," Jeremy said, pulling out to step back. "But don't make him come. I wanta finish him off."

Bill nearly pushed him out of the way to get at my ass. He set the head of his cock and shoved. He was thicker than his buddy and he stretched my ass even more, but I barely winced. Jeremy gave him about ten minutes with me and then told him to move out so he could have a turn. They did this for over an hour, then while Jeremy was fucking me, Bill straddled my chest to feed me his cock.

"You getting close?" he asked Jeremy over his shoulder.

"I've been ready to come for an hour, working like hell to hold off," Jeremy said.

"Me too. Why don't we just give it to him with both barrels, at both ends?" Bill said.

Bill shoved his cock in my mouth and Jeremy buried his cock in my ass and they took me from both ends. I was surprised to feel Jeremy's big, rough hand wrap around my cock, and equally surprised to feel Bill reach behind for it, too. I think they surprised each other. They compromised; Jeremy took hold of my balls and gave Bill my cock. They were an excellent team. They pulled it off with precision. Bill's cock bolted in my mouth and exploded with copious amounts of thick semen that literally filled my mouth. The next instant I felt Jeremy's cock exploding deep inside my ass, bathing my insides with his hot come. They worked together to bring me off as well, and seconds later I was spurting long, thick ropes of hot cum all over Bill's back and shoulders.

"Fuck, that shit's hot," Bill exclaimed.

When they were drained, Jeremy helped Bill stand down off the bed. I saw my cum streaked all down his back and his shoulders and even on the back of his neck and head.

"Damn, he really got you," Jeremy said.

"Yeah, the fucker comes like a horse," Bill said.

Jeremy pulled his cock out and milked his cum onto my balls then pulled me to my feet. "You okay, Sarge?" he asked.

"Ask me in the morning," I said, stumbling to the chair.

Bill was at the stove, ready to stoke the fire. "Hey, are we staying the night?" He asked. "Otherwise, we need to let the fire go out."

"Stoke it," Jeremy said. "That okay with you, Sarge?"

"Yeah, I need the sack time," I said.

We were all beat, and the whiskey, along with the sex, made us groggy. I made it to the bed and stretched out. Jeremy came over and looked down at me, then over his shoulder at Bill, and then back at me.

"Climb in, we'll make room," I said.

He climbed over me to take the spot against the wall. Bill came over to the bed and Jeremy clasped his arm around my waist to pull me tighter against him to make more room for Bill. He climbed in on the other side and laid an arm and leg over me to hang on.

"Fuckin' Rangers and a Marine make strange bedfellows," Jeremy said.

Without laboring the details, I got fucked three more times during the night, and took two more loads down my throat. Those guys were damn near insatiable with their newfound sex.

I woke up the next morning caked with dried cum. It was chilly but we were leaving so we didn't build a fire. I thought back and wondered why we never got around to double fucking. Maybe another time.

It was quiet for the first few miles driving back. Finally, Jeremy spoke.

"Are you okay with this, Sarge? Cause nothing's changed as far as we're concerned. You lost a bet and paid off, that's all."

"No problem. I paid up, just like you guys would've if you'd lost," I said. "Wouldn't you?" I asked, punching Bill in the ribs.

"Yeah, I would've paid off," Bill said.

"Damn right you would've; I would've seen to it," Jeremy said. "Hell, truth be known, the way your finger was feeling in my ass, I was about ready to pay off and I didn't even lose the bet."

"Yeah, you really had me going, too," Bill admitted.

"You fuckers. Now you tell me," I said.

"Maybe if we'd just had another bottle of whiskey," Bill said.

"That's a fact, Sarge," Jeremy said. "If we'd just had another bottle of whiskey....fuck, I might've been gobbling cock myself."

They dropped me off at the parking lot to get my car. "Hey, guys, I told you where I live. Don't be strangers," I told them as we were shaking hands goodbye. "And next time bring that extra bottle of whiskey."

Roger defied his parents, and Melanie, and joined the Marines. Melanie was perturbed at me because she thought I'd been an undue influence but she got over it, and she was sure proud when he came home on leave wearing his uniform. I happened to know that they spent a couple of nights in a motel room. He also spent a night with me, and I told him he was always welcome in my bed.

My life was on track. I managed to put the war as far behind me as possible, although it reared its ugly head from time to time. I figured I would live with that for the rest of my life. When I visited Jason's grave that brought it all back, but that was between him and me, and it was okay, because that's what we had together. I hated it when anyone else mentioned it, though, even in passing.

I made regular visits to the gay club baths when I was in the mood for an orgy, and I even befriended a young stud--Ricardo--who worked for me at the construction site. No, it wasn't sexual harassment on my part, me being his supervisor and all. He came on to me. He made it known that he liked older men.

Bill and Jeremy paid me a weekend visit and double fucked me into exhaustion. Adam Randall came home for his mother's funeral and went way out of his way to come by for a visit. Godd, he looked great. He re-opened my asshole for me. I asked him if he'd ever mentioned to his dad what I'd blurted out and he said no.

Ricardo's come-on was gradual and subtle. I had seen the interest he took in his job and started taking him with me when I visited the other sites to help me trouble shoot. We were on our way to one of those sites when he started talking about his family, but mostly about his dad, how smart he was, and how well built and how handsome he was. He said he missed him. That's when I learned that his family lived in Costa Rica. He missed his dad but he never mentioned any of his other family. I remarked that he and his father must have been very close.

"It sounds like you have a very close relationship, despite the distance, and you don't see him often."

"But not the kind of close relationship I would like." Then he looked around at me--I was driving--and said, "I don't mean anything sexual about my father, but... well, I like older men." Our eyes met and held, and I know he was looking at the surprise in mine. I was even more surprised--shocked actually--when he added, "You are as near like him as any man I've ever met, and I really miss him."

Wow! I was blown away. What a come on! I never figured him for anything but stand-up super straight and I had refrained from entertaining all but the most passing thoughts about him. Now those thoughts weren't so passing. Ricardo was a knockout; over six feet tall, with dark, olive skin, snappy, dark eyes and a smile with perfect white teeth that must leave the girls dripping. And he was coming on to me. I thought. No, I was sure. His remarks could have been completely innocent except for those eyes when he looked at me the way he did, and the tone of his voice.

"Ricardo, this a bit of a shocker," I said.

"I'm sure it is," he said. "When you get over your shock, will you fire me?"

"No, absolutely not," I said with a frown. "Your sexual orientation is none of my business, and it certainly doesn't affect your work."

"I would like to make it your business," he said as he boldly reached over and put his hand on my thigh. "I know you're straight, but that's part of the attraction, on top of being older than me," he said.

I reached down to remove his hand from my leg, but instead I left my hand over his.

"I take that as a yes," he said as he moved his hand up my thigh and curled his fingers into my crotch.

"You're very bold, Ricardo," I said.

"And you're being very receptive," he said. "I know you've heard of hero-worship, have you ever heard of muscle worship?" he asked.

"I've heard of it." Godd, how many times had I been the hero worshipper with Jason!

"I would like to worship your body, and have you use mine," he said. "Any way you like," he added.

I was ready to pull off onto a country road, but my good sense prevailed, for the time being. "Ricardo, I don't think this is a good idea; you work for me."

"You said it hasn't affected my work," he reminded me.

"But....." Before I could speak, he moved his hand and faced forward.

"You're the boss," he said with a shrug.

"I didn't mean....that," I said.

"What did you mean, reminding me that I work for you?" he asked.

"I meant, it's probably not a good idea," I said.

"I understand, I respect your position," he said.

I was suddenly pissed at myself. I'd just blown a chance with about the most gorgeous worker I had. But I still had the ball. I had the choice of simply dropping it, or tossing it back to him. I knew if I did that he would throw it right back and it would be a whole new ball game. We were at the site. I told him we would continue the conversation on the drive back home.

I finished our business in short order and we were on the way back. He brought it up again after a few miles and I hadn't said anything about it. We'd been talking about the visit to the worksite and there was a lull in that conversation.

"We left off with you saying it's not a good idea, and I said I respect your position," he said by way of reviving the subject. "Before you say anything, there's no way I would cause you any trouble, like sexual harassment. I respect you too much to do that, and besides, I'm the one harassing you."

"You're not harassing me," I said, laughing. I had already decided that if there was another opening, I wouldn't slam the door on it. "All right," I said.

"All right?" he asked excitedly.

"We can get together sometime and see what happens."

"How about now? Do you wanta come to my place?"

So we drove to his place. I would've never invited Ricardo to my place. I would have had he not been working for me, but I didn't want to become that "friendly" with an employee. But I was okay with going to his place. It was a one-room efficiency with a large couch dividing the room into a bedroom/living room, and the kitchen and bath. I was a little surprised, because he made good money and could afford more, but he told me that he sent most of his pay home to his family in Costa Rica.

I thought we might have a beer and get more intimately acquainted but he didn't waste any time. He told me to get comfortable as he started taking off his clothes. We hadn't really talked about it--having sex--but we both knew why I was there. He was down to his briefs and I took his lead and was taking my clothes off. He stopped me.

"No, this is my show. I'm the worshipper. I get to take your clothes off of you," he said as he brushed my hands away and finished unbuttoning my shirt. From that moment, he turned into a worshipful slave. He really turned me on. He was so damned gorgeous, and when he shoved his shorts down to bring his cock out, I wanted to shove him onto his back and crawl between his legs and worship him. But I knew that would ruin it for him. I would let him have his time.

Ricardo gave good head, and the longer he sucked my cock and worshipped my body with his hands and eyes, the more he got into it. At one point, he paused, breathing rather heavy, and whispered, "Ohh, Godd, I love your body." And I wondered if I had become his father in his mind. It wasn't my problem.

When I shot off he let my cum run out of his mouth and down the shaft of my cock, and onto his own cock and used it for lube. When he had drained me, he lapped up the cum from my cock and swallowed it. Then he rested back on his haunches and just looked at me.

"That was awesome," he said.

"Yes, it was," I said. I cupped my hands under his arms and pulled him to his feet. "But next time, I think it should be more mutual."

He gaped at me, totally surprised. "You.... no, y-you're not.... you want to reciprocate with me?"

"If it wouldn't ruin it for you," I said.

"No! No, absolutely not!" he said, excitedly. "Oh, Godd, I wouldn't have imagined....I mean, you are the ultimate stud."

I laughed at his excitement. "You're pretty damned studly yourself, Ricardo."

"Then, we're a go," he said excitedly. "But you'll still be my object of worship," he added quickly.

I was a regular visitor to Ricardo's place after that, till he went back to Costa Rica.


Chapter Twenty-Four

Letters From Vietnam

Life was good, but I was looking middle age in the eyes. I hated the thought of facing old age without the man I loved, but his memory gave me strength.

Then one day I got a letter unlike any ordinary mail I received. It had been forwarded from my parents address with a foreign stamp and return address that I couldn't make out except that it was from Vietnam. The thought bolted in my head that it was news of Jason! That there had been a huge fuck-up, his plane hadn't gone down after all, or it had and he had survived and they'd just found him wandering around someplace. But reality hit me just as hard. He was dead. Hell, I'd brought him home. I had seen him in his casket. I had felt his cold, dead hands. Godd, the terrible tricks the mind can play! Then I thought it might be from Toby. Or Adam Randall. Maybe he had gone back after the war; a lot of guys had, to build a life over there where they felt more at home. I opened the letter and began to read. By the second line I knew what it was and I felt a chill go through me.

Dear Mr. Courter;

I am writing this with the help of Sister Marie; she helps me say what I want to say properly. I am not sure when I was born but I am now fifteen years old, according to when my mother brought me here. My mother's name was Ling Dwang. My father, I believe, was Chief Petty Officer Jason Seaborne, a Navy SEAL who was in Vietnam. I understand he was killed in a plane crash. My mother disappeared in the fall of Saigon. I was taken to the orphanage where I still live. Sister Marie gave me a letter that my mother gave to her before she fled, stating that Officer Seaborne was my father. She also showed me a letter from him, acknowledging that he was most likely my father. He writes in the letter that you were his best friend and that if I ever needed anything to contact you. I hope you are still at this address or that my letter will follow you to your present address. I would like very much to come to the United States if you could help me do that. I don't feel like I belong here. Please let me know if you get this, even if you decide you can't or don't want to help me come to the America, which I will understand.

Very kindly yours,

Jason Seaborne, Jr.

"Jase"

There was also a note from Sister Marie.

My Dear Mr. Courter:

When Jason recently began to ask questions about his father, I decided it was time to give him the letters identifying his parentage. I implore you to seriously consider and do all you possibly can to bring the boy to the United States; as his sponsor if at all possible, if that will fit into our life, or if not, at least to initiate the paperwork and see it through the channels of red tape. You see, Jason and those like him, children of American fathers, are not considered to be Vietnamese. He is AmerAsian and looked down upon in this present society. He belongs nowhere; he is not accepted among his peers. He is very lonely and lost, which is bad for this time in his life as a teenager. The place he will be accepted is on the streets, dealing in drugs, or worse, in the booming sex industry that has sprung up here. He is an exceptional boy in every way but I fear that may not long be so. I have included the phone numbers of places you should call to begin this very urgent and worthwhile mission. I beg you, please save this boy's life. I/we at the orphanage have done nearly all we can do. He will soon leave us and then he will be lost to the world.

Most gratefully,

Sister Marie.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . continued

 

peterbilt

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