Father, Son, Movies and More

The movie ended. I sat dumbfounded, unable to move, unable to even pull up my pants, although rivulets of cum rolled off my abdomen onto the chair. I hit the replay button and watched the movie again from start to finish, hoping it would magically show something different, but it didn't. Sleep bypassed my bedroom that night, as I tried to think of the reasons for Julian’s actions and my reactions. Why did he do it? What could possibly motivate him? Was I too permissive — did I raise him wrong? Who were the blond guy and cameraman? What should I do? How angry should I be? Or, should I remain calm and logical? Why did I violate his privacy? Why was I sexually aroused?

Early the next morning, I was puttering around the kitchen, when Julian came in for a light snack before heading off to swim practice. Nothing seemed amiss. (Julian wore his skin-tight, blue and gold speedo [his school colors]. The suit barely covered his butt. For a second or two, I mused about his butt’s recent activities!) He was his usual chipper self, informing me that, “The movie sucked!" (My sarcastic self wanted to say that “I saw a movie that had actual sucking” but, of course, I opted to keep quiet!) He also informed me that he and his friends walked out of the movie to go to Howie's to play video games, but that Ricky had to go home because of his 10:00 p.m. curfew. I was secretly relieved that he wasn't angry -- yet!

After swim practice and a huge breakfast with his friends on the team (why do swimmers eat so much), Julian returned home and disappeared into his room. Hours later, he emerged to prepare a sandwich (more eating), spreading bread, tomatoes, lettuce, and turkey on the kitchen island. I busied myself sweeping up the mess around the dog dish. With no warning, Julian said, “I know you used my lap top last night!” He paused. I froze. The only sound was the dog licking his balls which, come to think of it, was an appropriate back drop for our conversation.
“You snooped! On my computer! Why?” Said harshly.

I knew that’s what he was going to say. I’d have said the same, if our roles were reversed. I should’ve had a rational response prepared but, instead, I blurted out in an accusatory voice, “How could you do such a stupid thing? A porn movie, really? I thought you had a better head than that on your shoulders.” Absolutely, not the right thing to say or tone to use. I was pissed at him but, maybe, I was also reacting to my feelings of guilt.

My statement raised Julian's ire. “You snooped! Since I've been a teen, you’ve always said you would respect my privacy. Were those just some meaningless words?”

“My snooping isn’t the problem! What were you thinking? Such a dumb thing to do. What other things should I know about?”

“You're trying to change the subject. You invaded my privacy!”

“Good God, you made a porno movie! I think that's something I should know about.”

“I’m 18. I'm an adult. I can make decisions for myself!” My son quoting every older teen ever.

“I’m your father. I make the rules. I pay the bills. My family, my rules!” Me quoting every parent ever. “I never thought I’d need a rule saying, ‘No gang fucking allowed!’” I immediately regretted that statement too. Anger mixed with sarcasm isn’t the best formula for a conversation.

“Oh, fuck you!” With anger.

“Julian!” said sharply.

“Fuck you!” Loudly and with more anger!

This discourse was getting us nowhere. Time for me to act the adult before we said things we would regret. I decided no more anger, no more recriminations on my part. I paused and looked at the young adult I loved, collected my thoughts, and retreated from my position. “Listen, I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I snooped. I shouldn’t have. I knew it was wrong the moment I did. But, at the same time, I’m not sorry either. Last night, put me in an impossible situation. I love you. Nothing’s more important than your well being. I just want to protect you, and that’ll be true whether you’re 18 or 58. Seeing that movie, well, obviously, I can't help being concerned and worried.”

Julian didn’t say anything for a few long moments. I don’t think he wanted to fight either. “I know you love me. Love you too. But, after all the talk about trust and respect and pulling together and pitching in to help each other because it’s just the two of us, all that seemed trashed.”
“I know how you must feel. Can you accept my apology?” I didn't think I should be the only one apologizing but decided it was the best thing to do now.

Julian didn’t look happy but said, “Yeah.” Then, he added, “I’m sorry I cussed at you.” He paused before he said, “But, I’m not going to apologize for the movie.”

I was disappointed in Julian’s statement about the movie but figured that he was being defensive. He’d made a major decision about his life and, even if he thought it was wrong, he wasn’t going to admit it, especially now to me. I decided not to press him about the movie. It could wait for another time, since there were so many other things to talk about.

“May I change the subject? Are you gay?” Hopefully, this would get us on less contentious ground. And, be a subtle reminder that if he was gay, he’d been lying by omission to me.

“Yeah,” said softly, eyes downcast.

“Why didn’t you tell me? For God’s sake, I’m your father, and I’m gay!”

“I don’t know. It never seemed like the right time.” Julian paused, then, “I know that’s not a good reason.”

"For sure."

"Maybe I didn't tell because you're so relentless about sharing and talking, talking, talking about everything. I just wanted something I owned -- a part of me -- that I could have that you didn't know about.”

“You know, my love isn’t dependent on whether you’re straight or not.”

“I know.”

“Does anyone else know you’re gay?”

“My friends. They’ve known for a while.” Julian could see the disappointment on my face that he'd told others first. "Dad, it's just that my friends . . . ." Julian tried to justify his decision, but his voice trailed off.

“Well, as far as I can tell, it appears Robert’s happy you’re gay!” I tried to inject some humor.

“Yeah," Julian smiled. For once today, a light-hearted moment. "And, before you ask, Robert’s not gay; he’s bi. He told me at least a year ago.”

“Robert didn’t look like he knew what he was doing.”

“He’s never done it with a guy! He was so nervous he was shaking!”

“Okay, can we do a ‘no judgement zone’ conversation — a ‘let it all hang out time!’ Help me understand how you, my son, my Julian, ended up doing a porn movie.”

Julian gave me a 'Do we have to?' look. My fingers responded with a backward wave indicting 'Tell me.' Julian responded, “Um, I dunno, I guess I just wanted to be in a porn movie. To see what it would be like. To learn how a movie was made and to meet people.” A pause, “And, like, I figured I’d probably enjoy the sex!” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. Julian was displaying my dry sense of humor!

Our earlier anger had dissipated. “How'd you get hooked up in this whole situation?”

“I looked up scores of porn studios on the internet and thought about filling out their application forms. But, I never actually applied to any studio. I guess I was too scared. Until I saw an ad from Max.”

“Max?”

“Max — the cameraman. He lives right here in town. Not way off in California. Max was advertising for models to help make a movie. He wants to start his own studio. We texted back and forth after I sent photos. We met in person and he hired me. On the spot. I was so psyched.”

“Wait! Photos? Like nudes?”

“Yeah, Dad, that’s how it’s done.” I bit my lip to keep from veering onto the exit ramp from the no judgement zone. I have a feeling I’ll have a bloody lip by the time this conversation's over! “A couple of months passed. I didn’t think the movie would ever be made. But, I was happy; at least, I can say I got hired! About a month ago, Max texted me, saying the movie was on. The movie you saw was a trial run to get Robert and me acclimated to having sex in front of a camera and for Max and Sammy to get experience behind the camera.”

“Sammy?”

“The blond guy. Since it was a trial run to be seen by no one, I thought there was no downside to doing it. Max made some sort of mistake and there wasn't any sound.”

“Do you really think that no one will ever see the movie?”

“I got the promise in writing!”

Wow! Smart! Julian was thinking. “Did Max tell you what the movie would be like?”

“He just told me I’d bottom for three guys.”

“You were okay with that?”

“Sure. Why not?”

My son, the bottom! Who knew? “Didn’t it hurt?” I replayed in my mind the way Sammy and Max fucked him.

“Like a son-of-a-bitch. Couldn't you tell? I screamed! Several times! The pain was . . .” My son went silent before adding, “Sammy’s blow job wasn’t easy either, you know.”

“No, I bet not. But, you enjoyed getting fucked.” I was blunt.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You were having unsafe sex. You know better than that!” I bit my lip again.

“All four of us took tests. No STDs. No HIV. Everyone safe.”

I wanted to say more about unsafe sex but let that subject slide for now too. “Were you a virgin before the movie?”

Julian gave me an exasperated eye roll and a long, drawn out, “Dad!”

I turned up the palms of my hands as if to say, 'I’m curious.'

"I've had sex a couple of times. If I wasn't going to tell you I was gay, I wasn't going to tell you about having gay sex!"

I changed the subject again. “What did you mean before when you said ‘trial run?’” I had the sudden horrible vision of more movies in my son’s future!

“Like I said, we were practicing, since we’re new to this stuff.”

“So, more movies?”

“Well, yeah. At least two more.” Said casually, as if children routinely said 'Dad, I'm going to appear in two more porn movies,' to their parents all the time.

Over the course of the next few minutes, I tried to dissuade Julian from appearing in more movies. My son was adamant. He promised Max he’d be in two more movies, and he wasn’t going to let Max down.

You know,” Julian said, “I’ve already done a second movie!”

“What?”

“Max asked if I wanted more practice. I said ‘Sure!’ So, last Saturday, I went to Max’s house. Max filmed. Me and two other guys.’”

@@@@@@@@@@

A few minutes later, we’re in Julian’s room, sitting in front of his lap top, and peering into the screen, as another movie starts. This time, the movie has sound! Good job, Max, you’re learning! The movie begins with a still photo of the faces and torsos of Julian and his co-stars, Pedro and Randy. (Pedro is six feet tall and muscular without being a bodybuilder. He has dark hair and eyes, a smooth chest, flat stomach, and some tats on his arm. Randy is about the same height with a slightly less muscular build. He's also blond with a lightly hairy chest and quite a few tats on his back.) Julian says that Pedro and Randy are straight but that, according to Max, the more you pay them the gayer they'll act!

The actual movie begins with everyone on a bed in their underwear — my son wearing bright blue boxer briefs, Pedro in brightly colored, red and green, flowery briefs, and Randy in classic white briefs. Everyone is kissing everyone. Hands are busy fondling cocks through their underwear. Erections are quickly exposed.

Julian immediately takes Pedro’s cock in his mouth. Pedro groans and instructs Julian to “Take it all!” Julian complies and swallows Pedro’s six and a half inches. There’s an extensive scene of Julian making love to Pedro’s cock; sucking, licking the shaft, tonguing Pedro’s cock head, and jacking it with his hand. At the same time, Randy starts sucking Julian’s cock. Although the camera focuses mainly on Julian sucking Pedro's cock, there are several look ins at Randy fellating Julian. Much moaning and groaning!

While this action is playing out on the screen, my cock is rising to full attention. Thankfully, I’m wearing oversized cargo shorts that hide my crotch. If Julian saw my hard on, I’d die of embarrassment. Again, the question, “Why am I so turned on watching my son having sex?”

Pedro tells my son to get on “all fours.” Pedro gets behind Julian's ass and begins licking and tonging Justin’s hole. My son’s face is complete bliss. The camera concentrates on Julian's smooth hairless hole, which fills the entire screen and the camera lingers as Pedro licks and tongues my son's ass. When the camera moves away from Julian's hole, Randy crawls onto the bed and reclines against the headboard. Julian immediately goes down on Randy's 6-inches of meat. Meanwhile, Pedro wiggles a finger at the opening to Justin’s hole and, then, pushes it in. Julian groans with delight. Pedro finger fucks Julian's hole, eventually sliding in a second digit.

My rock-hard dick is leaking pre-cum into my cargo shorts. I silently petition God, “Please don’t let Julian see my aroused cock!”

Pedro inserts a third finger into Julian's ass. I could tell that Julian enjoyed being fucked by Pedro’s fingers, while sucking on Randy’s cock. After a couple of close ups, Pedro positions himself behind Julian, rests his cock briefly on my son’s hole, and pushes in. Julian’s hole is wide open from the finger action. Unlike Max, Pedro pushes in slowly until his shaft is buried. He starts rhythmically fucking. My son groans his approval. Julian starts to masturbate himself.

The camera concentrates on Pedro fucking my son for several minutes. Occasionally, Pedro lowers his chest onto Julian’s back in order to lick his neck or nibble on his ear. Pedro replaces Justin’s hand with his and starts masturbating my son’s hard cock. Julian continues to suck on Randy's pole, with Randy thrusting into Julian's mouth. Next, Pedro flips Julian on his back, applies more lube, pulls my son’s legs up to his shoulders, pushes his cock into Julian’s hole, and resumes fucking. At this point, Randy moves to the side of the bed and begins jacking his dick.

"Fuck me," my son gasps. "Don't stop!"

"Don't worry, kid," Pedro responds. Pedro thrusts harder.

I wonder if I should talk to Julian while the movie plays. What’s the etiquette about commenting on your teenaged son’s performance in a porn movie? What should I say? (“You could’ve deep throated Pedro’s cock longer!” Or, “Too much lube is leaking from your ass!”) Finally, nervously, I said, “You appear to enjoy being fucked!”

“Pedro’s great,” Julian responds. On screen, Julian’s eyes roll back in his head. “This is my favorite part,” he announces. After a momentary pause, Julian continues, “I like Pedro’s pace. Pedro’s getting in all the way.” Another pause, “He’s hitting my prostate with every thrust.” Yet, another pause, “Maybe, I should’ve talked here because there’s only groaning for several minutes.” Later, “Too much light here.” And, “Max’s spending too much time on this angle. He needs to move the camera around.” Julian’s now a porn movie critic!

I must interrupt my movie description to say that this was a bizarre moment. I’m sitting next to my son in front of his computer, watching him kissing, performing oral sex, and getting fucked! And, we’re making comments about the lighting, camera angles, and close up shots, as if fathers and sons do this all the time.

After several minutes of fucking, Julian announces, “I’m cuming!” Almost immediately, cum’s squirting from Julian’s cock, landing on his chest and stomach. He gasps with each spurt. He makes an impressive mess! Pedro leans in and scoops up some jizz with his fingers, and inserts his cum-covered fingers in Julian’s mouth. Julian cleans Pedro’s fingers and swallows the cum.

"Ahhhhh,it's time," Pedro cries.

"Give me your load!" Julian is already acclimated to gay porn movie conversation!

Pedro’s grunts increase in intensity; his trusts increase in speed. He exclaims, “Now!” Max focuses the camera on Justin’s ass. Pedro erupts, never pulling out, shooting his entire load deep into Julian’s guts. Pedro lowers his chest onto Justin’s chest and they engage in a long kissing session. Pedro continues to fuck Julian until his deflating cock slides out of Justin’s hole. Small droplets of cum ooze out along with Pedro's cock.

Meanwhile, I curl my toes and discreetly pinch my upper leg as hard as I can to keep from cuming in my shorts. Thank God, I succeed! Julian, not noticing my struggles (I hope), states in a matter of fact voice, “Pedro sure knows how to fuck!”

On screen, Randy moves back onto the bed (by this time, Julian’s sitting up) and slides his hard meat into Julian’s mouth. Randy thrusts a few times before Pedro taps him on the shoulder. Randy gives way and Pedro inserts his cummy cock into Julian’s mouth.

"Clean it," Pedro said. Julian complies. A wet but clean cock soon emerges from Julian's mouth.
Randy, then, resumes thrusting into Julian’s mouth. After several minutes of oral action, Randy announces “I’m cuming!” Julian opens his mouth wider. Randy slides his cock far enough out so that the head rests on Julian’s tongue. He shoots an enormous heavy, creamy load into Julian’s mouth, flooding it with cum. Julian has to swallow multiple times to move the cum into his stomach. When Julian finishes, Randy pushes his cock back into my son’s mouth, so that Julian can clean it too.

From off camera, Max says, "Great job, guys."

"You're right,” Pedro exclaims. "The kid is hot. I want to fuck him again soon!"

"Maybe, you'll get the chance. You never know," Julian states.

Wow! It’s true! My beautiful, smart, and talented boy is a cock- and cum-loving bottom!