Exploring the Edge

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Chapter 4

DAN 

And there he was, as I slid into my seat, gorgeous as ever, his black hair in a wavy mane around his head to his shoulders, exactly the way I loved it best. From those his black lashes his almond shaped ice blue eyes stunned me all over again.

He looked like he wanted to speak but wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to say, so I opened my mouth, took a breath and said, “Hi. Fancy meeting you here.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upward, and his husky bass voice responded, “Fancy that.”

A perfectly beautiful waiter appeared wearing the black slacks and blue dress shirt of the uniform here.

“Greetings, my name is Lysander, can I get you handsome gentlemen a drink?” The waiter’s voice was mellifluous, and he was a blond, with beautiful dark blue eyes, and very fit looking, nice thick bulge. Hot. I took him in and looked right back at Jake. I wasn’t going to be distracted tonight.

Jake responded calmly, ordering a glass of Chablis, and I followed his example.

“How have you been doing, Jake?” I asked.

Jake looked at me for a long moment and then said, “Do you need me to tell…” then he cut himself off, and I could swear he wore a look of annoyance as if pissed at himself. Instead of whatever he had been about to say, his eyes gained an intensity, and he said, “I’ve been miserable. I miss you so much. So basically, I’ve been a wreck.”

“You don’t look it. You look amazing.”

“The product of a frantic forty minutes.” He said and I laughed.

“Me too. This has been torture.”

“Really? What happened to …” He broke off, as if unwilling to ask, and I answered for him.

“Dean went home to the rents for a vacation.” I debated saying more, but then figured, with Jake I better not hold anything back, not if I wanted to have a life with him. “I… I am supposed to call him when I have made up my mind.”

The waiter chose that moment to return with the wine. Sizing us up, the waiter, Lysander wasn't particularly subtle, he poured for Jake, who looked relieved to be distracted, but then sniffed, sloshed the wine about in his mouth and swallowed, nodding.

The waiter poured our glasses and left the bottle with us. “Shall I take your orders?”

“Come back in five minutes. We should be ready by then,” I said.

The waiter, Lysander, nodded and withdrew.

Jake looked at me. “He's waiting for you to make up your mind, about me, I take it?”

I nodded. “That’s about right.”

Jake pondered that a moment. “You said you had a question for me. Maybe I better hear it. Frankly, I have a lot of questions for you.”

I read the look in his eyes pale blue eyes and saw the hurt there, and my heart plummeted to the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t really thought this would be easy, but I had to try if we were ever going to have a chance.

“Ok, well, the first thing I want to tell you is that, though Dean fills some needs for me, I never realized I had, and though that sparked a love I didn’t expect, I love you. I haven’t stopped loving you.”

Jake opened his mouth to speak, but I rushed on, “please let me get all this out, Jake. I love you and I want to work on our marriage, but there is one condition I need to find out about before I would put you through any more stress or drama. Alex and I have talked, and, maybe because we already went beyond best friends, or maybe we would have ended up there anyway, Alex has to be part of my life, and as more than just a bestie. Alex wants to be part of us and both of us agree that we want that with you. Before we discuss boundaries, or however that would work, I need to know if you want us to try again, and if this time you would agree to being a Throuple with Alex. I can let go of Dean and let him go his own way, which, I have to think, makes me wonder if I really love him. I’d rather be with you, though we need to work on what went wrong. But I need Alex to be part of us. I know it would be complicated, but trying to avoid it’s become complicated, and I don’t want to fight that anymore.”

I stopped and looked at Jake. I’d put the ball in his court, and maybe that wasn’t fair, but unless we talked about Alex, Jake and I weren’t going to get anywhere.

Jake sipped his wine rather than answer immediately, as if he were going over everything.

Finally, he said, “That won’t work with Alex unless we fix a lot of other stuff, most of it, my fault, by the way.”

I didn’t get where any of it was his fault, I was the one who had done almost all the cheating, but I wasn’t going to argue faults at the moment. I needed to know the answer to this question. “But the basic concept? If everything else is ok, could we be with Alex?”

Jake twisted his mouth and snorted but then, shrugged. “I see some pitfalls. Remember I tried a three-way relationship before, twice. But assuming Alex presents a different slant to all that, I could accept it, and go with it.” Jake smiled, “It's not as if I don’t like Alex. I love him as a friend and brother, and I could easily love him as a lover, providing you don’t get jealous.”

       “I wouldn’t get jealous over Alex…” I began but stopped myself. No, I could, and I would be lying to myself if I said otherwise. “I could, I guess, if were not careful.”

Jake raised a brow at me, but then let it go. “What happens with Dean if I agree to this, and you tell him about your sticking with me and Alex? You going to keep seeing him?”

“I have to. He works for me, if he comes back, and, Jake, I could be in legal hot water if I fire him over relationship issues. More likely, he would quit or not even return to Rehoboth if I tell him I want to stay with you. He said he won’t share me anymore.”

Jakes black brows rose, and his striking eyes flashed. “So, I share you with Alex, but Dean doesn’t have to?”

“Jake, you know the history with Alex. Alex doesn’t really want me to be with Dean either and I think he knows a three way wouldn’t happen if it were Dean and me. He likes Dean but not like he loves you.”

Jake sighed. “And here I thought this was about us and it turns out its’ been about Alex, all along.”

My heart hit bottom. This wasn’t going to work. Jake was jealous of Alex.

But then Jake surprised me. He was looking at me, and he just started laughing.

As if that were a cue, the curtains were pulled back and Lysander asked, “Are you ready to order?”

“Surf and turf for me, medium rare with garlic spinach and broccoli.”

“I’ll have the same,” Jake said, but make my meat Pittsburg style.”

“Uh, Pittsburg, Sir?”

“Just ask the chef, its well done outside, rare inside.” Jake offered, with a friendly smile at the beautiful waiter. "Seals in the juices." Jake licked his lips and the waiter blushed. My husband wasn't even trying to flirt, but the waiter was already completely entranced.

“Oh, yes Sir.” The golden boy waiter retreated again, and Jake grinned at me.

“So, you going to let me in on the joke?” I asked him, wondering about that laugh.

“I was teasing you about Alex, baby. You guys have loved one another as besties forever. And it's only natural you would slip into sex. Your both too sexy to keep your hands off each other. Anyway, we might as well try it. We went off a cliff, baby, and right now we have nothing, so what have we to lose by trying it with Alex? Either it works, or it doesn’t.”

I looked at him, a little stunned. Was it going to be this easy? Really?

But Jake disabused me of that, fast. “Anyway, baby, we have a lot of other stuff to fix first.”

“Ok, I am all ears,” I said.

“First of all, unlike before when I made the rules, you're going to make them with me.” Jake said. “So, you name a rule we follow and then I will and let's see how far we agree on that. I feel like, when I made them, I fed my kink for wanting to watch you tease yourself and get hot with other men, and it got out of control for both of us.”

“That hasn’t changed?”

“No.” Jake gave me a resigned smile.

I sighed over that one. I sort of felt that was hot too, seeing Jake flirt, but that was all it was. I wasn’t sure I liked watching him have sex with others. But I was going to have to allow it with Alex, wasn’t I?

“Maybe we should start with what we just can’t put up with first.” I suggested.

Jake nodded but then he said, “I need to know something first. Maybe I know the answer, but I need to hear it.”

I just looked at him, trying to sense what he needed to ask me.

Then he said, “Do you love me?”

Almost, I said automatically, “of course I love you,” but realized that wasn’t what he meant. We had just been through a week of doubting our marriage, being separated, and not communicating at all, so, no, there was no “of course,” about it.

I reached out across the table, and after just a moment of hesitation, he reached back. I took his hand firmly and squeezed. “I love you; I am in love with you, and I have always loved you almost from the moment we met. I am sorry about Dean, but you need to know that whatever I felt for him, doesn’t hold a candle to what I have and always will feel for you.” I put all my love into that statement and came out of it surprised by the overwhelming rightness of it. I did love Jake, he was my man, my husband, my lover, my true best friend, and I needed to start treating him that way. I needed to trust him as my best friend.

Jake squeezed my hand back, brought it to his lips and kissed it, gazing at me.

“And I love you, worship the ground you stand on, Dan. And if you want Alex in our lives, then ok, but know I will love him too, just as much or maybe differently than my love for you, but I will keep that love as equal as I can. It won't be the same as with you, but Alex and I will have to focus on each other."

I nodded, understanding and agreeing with that.

"We're going to have to go through this conversation with him too.” Jake said, reaching out with his other hand, and I took it.

We leaned across the table and kissed. The kiss was tentative at first, but we both jerked from the bolt of invisible energy that struck us at the contact. The kiss continued, mounting in passion, both of us moving out from either side of the table to meet in front of it, our bodies slamming together.

Oh yeah, it was still there. My cock rose and stiffened in my jeans so fast it was shocking and judging from the long stiff lifting bulge in Jake’s jeans, he felt the same thing.

We both started smiling in the middle of the kiss, as if we both recognized what was still between us. Jake’s tanned smile and white teeth, brilliant in the romantic lighting. We might have kissed again, but the curtain opened, and Lysander stood there with a tray of food on a cart.

We turned to him, and his eyes were everywhere on us, particularly our crotches.

“Oh, sorry to interrupt. Um, your dinner, Sirs.”

Jake's smile turned sheepish, and I just giggled, as both sat down, I could tell Jake noticed as much as I did the lengthened bulge across the waiter's crotch. Yep, we definitely needed to reestablish some rules.

Lysander didn’t want to leave, but we both cut into our steaks and assured him they looked cooked perfectly. Then with a few more looks at our crotches, he left us to it.

“One thing I agree with you, Jake. I like the way men look at you, and if you don’t mind the way men look at me, I am good with that.” We both chuckled, and Jake grinned.

We both dug into the food without waiting, but I knew we were putting off much of the tough stuff, and if I was supposed to start this, it was my turn.

"Jake there is one thing I found out about myself with Dean."

He looked up from a forkful of lobster and gave me a receptive look. "Jake, Dean was super romantic. Some of yours and my love making, before Alex joined our household, had gotten a little routine. It was still hot, but maybe it's your Seal training, but sometimes I can't read you at all. Sometimes, I need to be reminded how much you love me. Dean took me dancing, not just bar dancing but ballroom type dancing. Just the second floor of a dance studio. But I am going to add a dance floor to The Shores and have romantic couples dancing there during the week, and if it takes off, weekends. Be slow Latin music, maybe some other kinds, but different clothing themes, including formal. Probably start small, but you know I love to dance, and this, if you would dance with me, would fill a place in me."

Jake's expression had gone from attentive to startled, to slightly wide eyed and now looked, super intense and a small smile played about his broad sensual mouth. "I never knew you liked that kind of dancing. I am such a dufus. Dan, I never even thought to ask you."

"Thats ok, I never thought to tell you. But Jake, I need romance in my life... from you."

Jake jerked a nod. I knew that nod. It was the nod of a man on a mission, a commitment nod, almost like saying "Aye Sir," in the military. It made me grin.

"Maybe I could use some of that too," he said, thinking it over. "I mean, I've never thought about it, receiving flowers, or being surprised by a candle lit bedroom, but why the fuck not?" He grinned at me. "Your on, baby."

I felt a spark inside of pure happiness. This was the first time I had heard him call me "baby" in several days.

"Speaking of romance," I decided to continue, "I know I was the one that did it, falling for Dean like I did, but I agree with you, except for Alex, no falling in love with anyone else and if we even start to, we tell each other right away before anyone gets hurt.”

Jake nodded emphatically and said, “Even if we think we COULD fall for someone, we better open up and warn each other.”

“The only thing is…”

“Yes?” Jake gave me a look.

I was thinking of Dean. “Sometime sit can creep up on you. I really didn’t realize I had fallen for Dean, not until you asked me.”

Jake didn't get upset. He clearly thought it over. "Well were agreed to take Alex on as a third. How bout we trust each other to guard against that. If two of us think the third may be a little TOO distracted by someone, we say so.”

“Will you say so?” I looked at Jake, doubtfully.

Jake eyed me back. “I would like to say I would, but my hard cock whenever I see you kissing or making out, or dancing with another guy, or going further, suggests I might not."

“Don’t put that all on yourself.”

Jake’s brows rose. “What do you mean?”

“I love showing you off, too. Maybe I haven’t said this, but I am really proud of my man… of you. You are so handsome and sexy and beautiful, my x seal, gorgeous hunk of a Lifeguard, and when others notice that, and make their plays for you, ok I get jealous, but it gets me hot, too.”

Jake gave me a grin that was half self-satisfied smirk, and we both laughed.

But then he seemed to consider me, and he said, “I don’t like making you jealous.”

“Oh, hell you can’t help that. You're so beautiful, I just want to possess you, and keep you all to myself.”

“You won’t be able too if we really let Alex in,” he warned me.

“Alex will have to be the exception, and I will just have to get used to sharing you.” I paused and then added, “With HIM.”

He grinned and winked but then got serious again. “OK my turn. First before I say what's on my mind, maybe having Alex with us will help us spot troubles before they get too far along. We're going to have to sit back and be a lot more patient with everything and not jump to conclusions."

I nodded, agreeing with that. 

Then Jake went on. "Ok here's my absolute "No". Absolutely no getting fucked by other men without protection and I mean prep, and condom both. We are taking no chances with STDs. I don’t know how two, or three, men can love each other if they break that rule.”

I nodded emphatically on that one. “Agreed, and I hate to say this, but we need to be on prep and wear condoms with each other too. I don’t care where we draw the lines with others, but we could be raped. There was a near case of rape at my hotel, and if Dean hadn’t heard one of the younger patrons, yelling “Stop, I said NO,” and gone to investigate, a certain nineteen-year-old cute twink whose name I will withhold, would have been raped. The guy molesting him, was someone I was already wary of because of previous aggressive behavior with staff. He had the kid in a hammer lock and was pressing his fat cock at that kid’s ass when he was yanked off and confronted. I kicked the man out and told him never to come to the Shores again. I tried to get the kid to report the man to the cops, but he is too closeted, and didn’t want his parents to know.”

Jake frowned in sympathy, but then said, “I get your point and I agree. “I do like taking you barebacked, baby, but yeah. Maybe someday we can move to the country and away from that kind of danger. Though, I have to say, with my martial arts training and yours…”

“But there is Alex, who doesn’t have any.” I cut in.

“There is that. Let's see if we can give him some lessons."

I had to laugh. “Getting Alex to take self-defense? Alex? That might be fun.”

Jake laughed too, but then asked, “Ok what about fucking others with protection. Are we allowing that?” His beautiful eyes were intent on me, and I knew he was checking to see where MY boundaries were.

“Do you like watching me get fucked or fucking others, Jake? Do you need that? I don’t need to watch that with you, not unless I agree to it with you ahead of time," I said.

Jake gave me a half grin. “No, I don't need to see that, unless it happens. Then i don't want to be left out. I at least want to watch." He paused and shook his head. "You want to know the truth, what made me hot was watching you go over the edge with someone or get close to it. It was the tease of it that gets me going.”

“You must have watched me through the door to the bathroom with Alex when we weren’t looking.”

Jake flushed and looked uncomfortable, but then he nodded. Damn he could move quietly, I thought. I never caught him peeking. 

“So, what does that mean, going over the edge?” I asked him. “Does that mean the edge of climax?”

Jake shook his head. “No, the edge of our boundaries, whatever they are. It hurts me in a way that makes me cum when you went over. But when you manage to resist, if barely, it makes me feel so damn good. It’s a kind of addiction, baby. It used to bone me up just seeing some guys snatch a kiss off you or give you a grope when you thought I didn’t notice. Then it got so I wanted to see more. It got so I wanted to watch you have sex, but I was begging silently for you not to cum, to save that for me, so yes, the edge of climax, but it wasn't just about that.

I smiled and nodded. I did understand. “The edge of whatever was forbidden." I said, and he nodded.

"You know, I think maybe we can make all this work, but we have to agree that’s what we're doing ahead of time. Maybe some nights it goes one way, maybe some nights the other. One of us pretends to be a good boy, while the other plays a bit where the other can see us.”

Jake’s eyes lit up. “Damn that sounds hot, baby, but can we reign it in for a while? We can maybe French kiss other guys but not make out too long. No sucking or fucking, but guys can kiss us, maybe kiss us all over?”

Jake’s voice got all husky just talking about it.

“That does sound hot and teasy, doesn’t it?” I grinned.

“It sure as fuck does. You think Alex would agree?”

“I think Alex would agree to anything that gets his ass in bed between us.” I laughed.

Jake got this look of resolve on his handsome features, “Ok, so, we reign it in. No more orgy dinners, no actual sex outside the three of us. Good hard flirting, kissing, cuddling allowed, but do it where the others can see us. No hiding it and tell each other about it. Between the three of us, always truth, particularly if we go too far with someone. We should have a confession time every week to make SURE we spill it all.” Jake said, excited but determined.

“But, what if one of us does go too far and we confess. What is the punishment?”

Jake got an evil look on his face, "Oh I can think of a lot of things, but remember there will be three of us, and we need to find out what Alex thinks.."

Jake looked at me with a huge grin on his face and I couldn't help almost laughing. What would Alex think?