"Well I guess the summer was fun while it lasted," I thought as I was getting dressed for my first day of eleventh grade. Everything had to be extra tight and just right for my grand entrance. I set my alarm clock for five thirty this morning, so I would have at least an hour and a half to get ready before catching the bus. Majority of my time was spent making sure my mohawk was just right. A little bit of shampoo and a little bit of Pink moisturizer was all I needed to do the trick. I put on one of the outfits that I got from Urban Outfitters and rocked some fresh Nike's to match. You couldn't tell me nothing this morning. I was smelling myself, like the old folks say. By seven o'clock, I was ready to catch the DC Metro bus to Benjamin Banneker High School. The bus was packed with students, all donned in fresh new gear. Gear that most parents probably couldn't afford. I wondered how many of these students were heading back home after school to no electricity or no cable because of the cost of their clothes and shoes. As I am walking into the school looking for my first period homeroom I hear someone say, "Hey phat butt." I keep walking hoping to find the classroom so I can stop looking like a lost puppy dog. "Hey phat butt, you hear me talking to you," I hear. I turned around and almost screamed. "Clarence. Omg, you go to this school too," I asked. He rolled his neck. "Um yeah. I'm a senior," he replied. I was so happy to see at least one person I kind of know. "You can't be calling me phat butt. People may start to think things," I said. "What will they think--they truth--that you are gay. Don't gag. I peeped your tea when I saw you in Urban Outfitters last week," said Clarence. He assured me that he would not call me that name again and that I didn't have to worry about being outed. "I am out and most people know that I like dudes, but I have straight male and female friends too. You won't be guilty just by association. You need someone to show you the ropes because a pretty nigga like you would get eaten up and taken advantage of," he said. "Could you really tell that I was gay?" I asked. "Girl, you came up in Urban Outfitters with your tight ass pants and your toes out looking like you just had a fresh manicure and pedicure. Oh that and I watched as you kept checking out every fine dude that walked by in the store. But it's not like everyone will be able to tell. I have a built-in gaydar. Ain't nothing wrong with liking some dick," said Clarence. We both laughed and he walked me to my first period homeroom. "Meet me in this same location before lunch starts," Clarence yelled as he ran off to make it to his own class before the bell rang.
I must say that it felt good knowing that I have someone that I can talk to about liking guys. And the fact that he is a senior makes it that much better. Every class was pretty much the same that day. We had to go around the room and introduce ourselves and then spend the rest of the class going over the course syllabus. I had a few people in my classes that I knew from last year, but it was my first time seeing a good majority of them. When lunchtime came around, I waited for Clarence as instructed. "Phat B...", he said, cutting himself off before he could finish. "You know you haven't told me your name. What is your name?" he asked. "My bad, I'm Tony," I replied. He threw his hands in the air. "Oooh I once dated a Tony. Chile he had a big dick but a small bank account, so I had to drop him," said Clarence. We laughed so hard tears started coming from our eyes. I wasn't really hungry and neither was Clarence, so we just walked around the cafeteria until we found an empty table. Not long after we sat down, my friend Josh walked over to the table. "Is there room for me?" he asked. Clarence responded, "Of course there is room. I'm just saving one seat for one of my good friends. I'm Clarence by the way," said Clarence. Josh replied with, "nice to meet you." Clarence gave Josh a once over like he was inspecting a piece a meat. "I use to date someone name...", Clarence said before I cut him off. I gave Josh a big hug, and was truly glad to see him. "Oh my God Josh. The last time I saw you was last school year. You went to go stay with your father for the summer and left me here all by myself. How is your first day going?" I asked. "It's going OK. Some people have been mad cool, but I can tell some people changed since last school year. I'm feeling my teachers. They seem cool so far. All the girls from last year all came back with a lil more ass and body. However, they all seem to be a lil stuck up and shit, not trying to speak," said Josh. Clarence jumped back into the conversation and agreed with Josh. "Yeah some of these dudes are acting stuck up as hell this year too," he added.
The bell rang before Clarence's friend was able to make it over to the table, so we all left the cafeteria and headed to class. We all seem to hit it off pretty good, laughing and joking in the halls. Josh's classroom came up first, so we said goodbye and Clarence walked me to my class. "Josh is kind of cute. Did you have that?" he asked. "No. Josh is straight, and I've never looked at him like that," I responded. I guess I gave the wrong answer from the look on his face. "I would have been all up on that dick if I were you. Let me stop before you think I'm a hoe. I'm just playing around," Clarence joked. We said our goodbyes and I walked into my last class of the day. I just sat and watched the clock until it was finally two thirty. Today proved to be very interested; I just wondered what the rest of the year would bring.
Even though we had just met a few months ago, Clarence and I developed the closest relationship out of our four-member group. Our clique included Josh, Clarence, Michael, and me. Michael was a friend of Clarence's before he was introduced into the group. They had known each other since freshman year and were commonly referred to as Tree & Shorty by students at the school. Clarence is tall and thin-framed, while Michael is short and built solid. They had totally opposite looks, but they were both very attractive in their own way. The two also had the same sense of humor and had the kind of personalities where you either loved them or hated them. There was no in between. We all ate lunch together during school, and hung out some weekends. It was funny during the first couple of months when we were all getting to know each other. We had to tiptoe around certain topics or avoid saying certain things because Josh didn't know our sexual preferences. Well we thought he didn't know, until Clarence just came out one day and asked Josh how he felt about gay and bisexual people. Josh shocked us with his response. "Look, I don't have a problem with dudes fucking around with other dudes. That leaves more bitches for me. If I didn't like gays, I definitely wouldn't be hanging with you all," he said. Clarence stood up beside the lunch table. "Bitch. Who said we were gay? Just because we like a little dick from time to time does not make us gay," Clarence replied. We all burst into laughter. Josh had a ton of questions and we answered all of them one by one.
"So when did you know that you liked guys?" asked Josh.
Clarence: I've known since I was about ten years old. I kept having crushes on the boys in my class.
Michael: I wasn't really attracted to guys until freshman year of high school. I was watching porn one day and found myself looking at the guys just as much as the girls.
Me: I've known since I was four years old. On the bus ride to kindergarten I use to play around with another boy on the bus. We would feel each other up. That continued throughout elementary school.
"Does your family know?" asked Josh.
Me: Let me start by saying, "Hell no". My mom and dad would not go for that.
Clarence: I told my parents when I was in middle school. Well actually my mom approached me and asked me if I was attracted to the boys or girls in my class. I just told the truth. She wasn't shocked at all, and simply said that she had always known. She didn't tell my father for about a year. When he found out, absolutely nothing changed.
Michael: My parents are a little hood and are always talking about gay people. It's always faggot this or faggot that. So I won't be telling them at all.
"Have y'all ever had sex with a girl?" asked Josh.
Clarence: You are really asking a lot of questions Oprah. I am strictly dickly. No fish for me.
Michael: I've fucked a few girls in my day. I truly believe that I am bi because my dick gets hard for pussy just as much as it does for ass.
Me: No I haven't.
"Are you attracted to me?" asked Josh.
Clarence: I am gonna speak for all the gays & bisexuals here and say that we don't wanna fuck everything with a dick between its legs. Next question.
"Are you a top or a bottom?" asked Josh.
Clarence: You forgot a category...versatile. I am a bottom, but I won't get to graphic.
Me: I really don't know yet, but I think I may be a bottom.
Michael: Top. Ain't nothing going in my ass. No offense Clarence and Tony.
"This concludes today's episode of Ask the Gays," joked Clarence. We all burst into laughter and our clique became closer than it had ever been.
It was so relieving to be able to be our true selves now that we knew that Josh knows what's up. Josh was so secure with himself, he felt comfortable talking about anything. We would pick out dudes during school and give our opinions on their looks and whether we thought they got down. Josh played along with us each time. During once particular game, I guess we were a little too loud because one of the guys who was being judged looked at us and called us a bunch of sick faggots. Before we knew it, Clarence hauled off and hit the dude in the face. Another guy came out of nowhere and pushed Clarence to the ground, and that is when "The Clique" jumped in. We beat those two guys like the stole something. I hope that they got a kick out of calling us faggots because they sure got their asses whooped.
We were all taken to the principal's office where we were questioned about what happened. The guys spoke with the principal first and had lied and said that we just jumped them out of nowhere. Benjamin Banneker has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to violence, so we were all facing expulsion. We had to come clean and tell the truth about what happened. Clarence told the principal that we were being harassed for being gay and that we were merely defending ourselves against an attack. It wasn't entirely true, but it was enough to get our consequence knocked down to a five-day suspension. Each of our parents were called and told about the incident, as well as the five-day suspension that resulted. My father told me to head straight home from school, and I did just that. Both he and mom were sitting in the kitchen when I walked in the house. Dad pulled out a chair and told me to have a seat. I was nervous at this point because they were acting way to calm. "Tell me what happened in school today Tony," mom said. I know that they already knew because principal Smith already went over it when he called earlier. However, I obliged and retold the story of what happened, leaving out the part about my group judging the guys and them calling us faggots. "So two guys just started fighting with you and your friends for no apparent reason," dad asked. He began to raise his voice at this point. "Again. They started fighting you and your friends for no damn reason. Tell me the fucking truth Tony," he demanded. I was scared as hell at this point because dad had never cursed at me before. I've seen him angry, but the anger was never pointed in my direction. "I---I----I was called a faggot by those guys dad," I replied. "And why would they call you a faggot," my father asked. I said that I didn't know, and he was not having it. "We are going to sit here until you tell me why anyone would call you or your friends that name," he said. Tears began flowing down my face as I answered. "Because we were talking about how attractive him and his friend were," I confessed. The next set of words that came from my father's mouth stung like hell and have stuck with me ever since. "So those guys didn't say anything wrong because a bunch of faggots were sitting around talking about how attractive they were. Un-fucking-believable," he said. I looked over at mom. She just hung her head and shook it back and forth in disbelief. I ran up to my room and curled up in the corner.
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