The Obituary of David Hall Robinson

David Hall Robinson, 43, of Fort Lauderdale FL, surrounded by family, friends and his loving husband Pete Hall Robinson is dying after a long battle with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma...

The Obituary he wrote himself a year ago and revised a month ago raced through his head. Everything had to seem perfect because nothing was. His family and few fiends were not there. His husband of 7 years held his hand as the hospice nurse administers the smallest amounts of medication to comfort him but not knock him out. David was specific. He wanted to feel death, not slip into it. David stopped drinking and doing drugs 10 years ago. This feeling was familiar and odd.

Through the pain, he couldn’t help flashing back to being high again, Really high. Elton John bleared in his memory, “I wanna be high as a kite by then...”

As he lay dying, his life was flashing before him, not just the drugs but all his regrets. Why only regrets? Triumphs, success, happiness gone, he was haunted. He lay frozen in his memories as his short time left on earth ticked away, slipping by...

25 years earlier at 18 it was 1978. David Hall moved from Lansing Michigan to Hyde Park New York. David was fulfilling his dream of being a chef at The Culinary Institute of America. A long way from the little boy who loved to cook with his grandmother Ruby. She would sit him on the table in the kitchen as she made her stufffed cabbage or Golabki’s. After the cabbage cooled, at just 9 years old, David would dig out the pieces he knew she would want, big, easy to stuff and roll. Then he would explain how she should put the 2 smaller pieces together, just right as not to waste cabbage or the end of the meat stuffing. He was always so proud when Ruby announced to the family, “David made dinner tonight.”

It wasn’t just Stuffed cabbage, David loved to make all the family favorites including cakes, pies and puddings. He loved to cook. a chubby unpopular kid, David longed to finish school and get home to his grandma. Actually, it was Ruby that heard of the CIA, Culinary Institute, and with good grades he applied and was accepted.

David met his roommate Anthony at orientation that first day. Anthony Bucci was an exotic and foreign creature to David. First, he was nice to him. David wasn’t used to that in Lansing. Anthony was funny, olive skinned and Italian. David never met an Italian. That first day he talked about his girlfriend, how much fun they would have. Cooking seemed secondary to Anthony. David felt good about his new life as Anthony made him laugh, joking and poking at him as they set up their room. 

That night, David brushed his teeth, put on his pajamas and jumped into bed. While Anthony was brushing, David was daydreaming about his new start. Anthony came in and pulled off his shirt. His body was shocking to David, smooth, muscular, dark and exotic. As David acted unfazed, Anthony pulled down his pants and underwear in one swoop. He smiled at David, who was trying to hide his shock. Anthony said “get used to it. I hate clothes. Wait until Angela gets here next weekend. I’ll be naked and in action.” He laughed as he jumped on his bed and kept talking.  David was focused on trying not to look at him and wanting to see everything. Eventually, Anthony got under the covers, let out a loud fart and said “I’m really gassy too, you’ll get used to that. Good night kid. He shut his light off and turned around. 

David was in shock and confused. He never had a girlfriend but never found a boy attractive. He never found anyone attractive. Now, with the light on Anthony’s bear back, covers down to his waist, he looked at every muscle, his smooth skin and he felt excited. He wanted to touch himself but didn’t. He wanted Anthony to like him. He was confused. He felt hot, with a lump in his throat to match the growing lump in his pajamas. He fell asleep 2 hours later.

David enjoyed everything about the next week. His Professors or “Chef’s acted tough and demanding but that didn’t intimidate him. The other students treated him well. They treated him like an equal. He vowed not to allow anyone to treat him badly again. 

There were students from all over the country and some outside. David was fascinated by a gay couple. They were very flamboyant yet everyone treated them well. They laughed with them, not at them. Scooter and Jerry, their names, made David feel better about his feelings for Anthony. David knew he wasn’t gay. He was nothing like those guys. He started to look at the girls around him and wondered who he would have sex with for the first time. Well, he wasn’t feeling it yet but he was hopeful the day would come.  

The weekend came! So did Angela, oh and Anthony several times each night! David was polite to Angela but he didn’t like her very much. She was loud. She asked stupid questions like, “ So do you want to cook Italian food like my Anthony?” Or “if it’s 6:00 here, what time is it in the city?” 3 and a half hours was a lifetime away for her. David started to zone her out. 

Friday, he gave them the entire night. He hung out in his RA’s room, a slightly older really nice guy from Boston. They ate and watched movies. Mike let David lay at the bottom of his bed rather than the floor. Around 2am, David thought it was safe to go back. He listened at his door and then entered. They were asleep. David changed quickly and jumped into bed. He fell asleep only to be woken by moans, Angels and Anthony’s. He couldn’t look but he focused on Anthony’s voice saying dirty things to Angela. David rolled to his side and listened. This time he couldn’t help himself. He started touching himself, carefully, quietly. As Anthony’s voice got thicker saying “you like that don’t you” “tell me you want it”  David was so excited, he heard Anthony say “take it you pig, take every drop”. Angela came, as Anthony came, as David came under his covers all over his pajama top and his bottom lip. David was breathing hard and was a mess. He thought “was I noisy, did they hear me? How will I clean up... ?” he stayed silent as they all fell asleep. 

David was relieved that nothing changed on Saturday. He didn’t get caught. All was good. Angela and Anthony went out for the day, shopping and then dinner. Later they told David not to worry about staying away. Just go to sleep when you’re tired. So that’s what he did. 

Again he was wakened by moaning. This time he was facing them, both naked on top of the covers. David couldn’t turn away as they made love in every position he ever heard of. He hid his eyes but he watch Anthony’s every move. Again Anthony was talking dirty to Angela. He was on top of her with her legs in the air he teetered on his knees and then flat on her. Telling her how she felt inside and what he wanted to give her. David found himself slowly touching himself again. He watched Anthony in action and couldn’t believe how beautiful he looked. Again, Anthony announced he was going to cum. “He said “cum now. Cum now” in that moment he turned to David and smiled. David in such shock groaned and exploded all over himself. He quickly rolled over in his drenched sheets and pajamas, he couldn’t believe what happened. Was it a coincidence? It had to be. He wondered how Anthony would treat him. He wondered if he was gay like Scooter and Jerry. Did he have to hang out and act like that? He was confused wet and nervous but he managed to doze. He woke up early, still soaked. He ran to the bathroom and looked at his wet shirt and part of his pants. He never saw so much wet before. He showered. Stripped his bed, surprisingly and equally wet. He washed every bit of evidence and disappeared for the day. 

He didn’t come back until after 10pm. Anthony was at his desk. He was annoyed. David was worried he got caught. Here it comes. Anthony said “where were you all day?” David started stammering and listing everything he did. Anthony stopped him and said “Angela was surprised you didn’t say goodbye. She really likes you David. Don’t you like her?” “Yes yes, of course” he said I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. I didn’t want to be in the way”. Anthony laughed. “You’re never in the way. You’re my Robin. My little buddy. Don’t disappear on me..”No, no never. I’m sorry Anthony”, “No problem bud”. I gotta finish now”. David threw himself on the bed, relieved.

Anthony was a handsome kid in the midst of handsome kids that looked very similar to him, not exotic, in Providence Rhode Island. He lived in the Silver Lakes section, once an Italian ghetto but now a mixture of many immigrants and the Italian’s that never got out. He lived in a 3 decker with his Grandparents on the first floor, his mother and 2 sisters on second, his Aunt Barbara and Uncle Sammy on 3. Anthony was the jokester and full of energy. Everyone liked him. He was good at everything he did. He excelled in sports, especially baseball and loved to cook. As Nonnie got older, he took over on the holidays. With his apron on he’d say “ah, get out of my kitchen. I’m creating”. That he did. He cooked all the family dishes for the Fiesta of the Seven Fish on Christmas Eve plus he created new concoctions for the family like Tuna Tar Tar and Oyster Rockefeller with exotic oysters with shells that curled. He would ordered them at the fish market. When he decided to work at Palmarie’s Bakery with the rest of the family, Auntie Barbara brought over the application for the ICA. She said “Ant, you can’t just do what everyone does here. You got a talent. I know it. You know it. Try. What do you got to lose? Palmieries ain’t going anywhere. Do this for you.” He did.

David and Anthony were both enrolled in the associates Culinary Arts Program. Management, Baking, wine weren’t their thing. They were competitive with their cutting skills, butchering, sauces, cooking methods and picking a good cut of meat. Anthony never missed the chance of hanging a tenderloin between his legs and saying “Dave, have you seen my boxers”, or “you should see her walking today.” Everyone laughed. David laugh. David was in love, a love he knew he could never have and that was okay. He accepted that. Anthony was constantly trying to fix him up with all the girls he couldn’t have because of Angela. Soon Anthony stopped. His efforts were in vein.

Every other weekend Angela would show up. During that time, David got better at hiding his excitement. He still watched and played along but he was prepared with tissues and a pillow over his head that he would peak under.

One weekend Anthony went home for a family wedding. David kept busy with other friends and his RA Mike. Mike was cool. In the 4 year program,  he was a senior. On Saturday night he brought a bottle of Yagermeister to David’s room. All is legal when the RA is supplying. They got drunk and sang songs and started playing games. Mike took his shirt off as they restled on the floor. He had Dave pinned. Both shoulders under his knees. Half joking, Mike pulled his dick out and slapped it in his face. Dave in shock looked in Mikes eyes and opened his mouth. Mike gave Dave what he wanted 4 times that night. There was no love.  Just pure lust. They were both naked and drunk as they fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

The next afternoon, the door opened and Anthony walked in. He saw what he saw and put his laundry on the bed along with some food his Nonnie made for him.  Anthony, totally unaffected asked if anyone wanted eggplant parmigiana. “Actually, would you like the best eggplant parm this side of the Mississippi... and probably the other side too”. Anthony laughed at his joke as Mark and David pulled the covers up. Dave said from under the covers, “Ant, could you get a coffee and come back in a half hour”. Anthony said “and miss you limp dicks get out of bed? Lol No. you’ve been watching me for over a year. My turn.” Dave yelled “Anthony”. Anthony laughed and said 30 min, I’ll be back. I’m sure you have a big appetite by now.” He was laughing loudly as the door shut behind him. 

Mike jumped up and searched the floor for his clothes. David now sober saw him, all of him for the first time. Besides his larger than average penis, he wasn’t very fit or attractive. Dave pointed at pieces of clothing, “there’s a sock” until mark was dressed and awkwardly said goodbye. When mark was leaving he said “ I really like eggplant.” Dave simply said “no” and headed for the shower.

Dave, with a Towel around his waist left the bathroom. Anthony was back and sitting on his bed eating eggplant and pointing to Dave’s plate on his bed. He smiled and said it’s still a little warm. She just made it. Dave smiles and went to his closet. Anthony said “in over a year, I’ve never seen you without a shirt on until now. You got a hot little bod  buddy.” Dave said “shut up” slipping his pajama bottoms on under his towel, then the top. He walked over to the bed and picked up the plate. Put it in his lap after sitting. They looked at each other and laughed. They laughed hard until Dave started crying. “Hey, hey, hey, he walked over to Dave. It’s alright. I knew. Well I figured.” “Dave snapped, how could you know when I didn’t. I don’t even know what happened last night?” “Wait, what?” Said Anthony. “Your first time? Well besides me” Dave said “what?” “Well all the times you were watched me, and jerking off, moaning. Not too subtle dude” Dave wanted to die right there and then. He put his head down. Anthony sat next to him and put his arm around him. “Dave, I’m not gay but I was totally flattered and it was kind of a turn on to me. Ya know, to be watched. It’s cool” Dave laughed and said you really knew? Hell yea. I even smiled at you when you were groaning louder than us early on and you tensed up. I could tell you were coming harder than Angela. Two birds with one stone” they laughed. “of course Angela thought you were hot for her. I let her. I told her she turned you on. Ya know, you told me so. Kinda completed the circle. So now eat my nonnie’s eggplant before it’s cold or I’ll tell her the truth” Dave said “no don’t”. “Eat.” They turned the TV on to Jeopardy. They ate they smiled they laughed. They were friends forever now. 

Of course Anthony tried to fix him up all the time now. He was selective and possessive in a funny way. “No, not him, bad shoes. Bad hair. He wanted only the best for Dave. He worried about him. He even went to a safe sex lecture and came back with condoms and lube and information. He wanted to know if he took it or gave it because it was safer to do one, he couldn’t remember.., Dave said “gross, I don’t even do that.” Anthony was shocked he said “why not? That’s being gay”. “I don’t want to” Dave said “ “so you’re not gay?” Anthony said. Dave was frustrated. “I’m not talking about what I want especially when I don’t even know what I want”.

David started to figure out what he wanted as a few drunk guys would show up at his dorm room, including Mark the RA that wanted quick and easy release, often. Dave used Mark to master his skills on his knees. It was a mutually gratifying situation. David didn’t have any feelings for mark but he loved his large penis. During this time David learned to separate love from sex. Unlike Anthony, he preferred sex without love or even like. He liked the ones who didn’t talk  best. Wham bam, next...

 A month before graduation, Anthony and Angela wanted to party. Angela showed up with an 8 ball of cocaine. David was   

 hesitant the first night. Drunk by the second, he loved this drug that gave him confidences and made him stupid and horny. He openly watched them have sex. He was bold. He didn’t hide what he was doing which made Angela hot and Anthony a little uncomfortable. When that wasn’t enough he banged on Marks door and two others. Before the sun came up, he went down several times.

The last week of school was a blur of drinking, coke, sex and parties. Yes, both were having sex. Anthony was sleeping with other girls. He cheated on Angela at night and felt guilty all day. David was making the rounds to be sure he didn’t miss anyone interested in some fun. 

They were both starting jobs as suse chefs at 4 star restaurants in a month, Anthony in Providence. David in New York City. They should have been excited, planning. Studying but the party was irresistible. Would they be ready for what was expected of them? Angela wanted to marry Anthony within a year. David, so driven, planned to be the Head or Executive Chef of a 4-5 star within a year. The “head” was certainly attainable now.

Graduation was approaching quickly. When the coke ran out in a week, Mark happy with all the tension relief, hooked them up. They bought coke two more times. Graduation came. Everybody came and then they were gone.

Dave secured a job at Chez Jules on the upper east side. He took a room in an apartment with  4 other gay guys from an ad in a gay rag or newspaper. He was ready to straighten out and start his career. 

Dave moved in with little fanfare. Everyone seemed nice and into their own life. He thought of the Village People, a security guard, a nurse, a punk rock guy and him, the chef. He had the smallest room. As one moved out, everyone moved up a slot. They were all average looking except the Punk Rocker in his leather and all the muscles. He wore one earring and eyeliner. When he looked at David, he’d wink. David knew he could be trouble so he avoided him most. Work work work.

Dave was lucky to start as a souse chef and not a salad maker or  in prep. He went into the city 4 times and tested twice an busy night before Chef offered him the job. Today he was ready and what a start he had! Everything went wrong and he was sure his first day would be his last. Now, after his first week, he was getting his footing. He knew what was expected, how much and what size, the rest was falling into place. Things were actually comfortable at work. At home, things were heating up.

Josh the punk rocker kept inviting Dave into his room to “hangout”. Saturday, Josh said “hey Dave, I’m skiing tonight. Wanna come. Dave said where? It’s like 50 out.” Josh said no “skiing”, coke? I scored some coke. Want to do a line.” DAVE knowing he had the day off went right into Josh’s room. After a few lines, they were naked and passionately groping each other like they both had been waiting for this moment. Dave, so high, let Josh do everything to him. He couldn’t believe how easy it all was and how much he liked it. By  6 AM, josh asked DAVE to go to his own room. He left and sat naked in his tiny NYC bedroom. He thought of Ruby, his grandmother. “Do you see that one, she’s a dirty whore”.  Dave was. He knew he couldn’t stop now and wouldn’t. He was going to take on NY. Are you ready for me? He thought.

Things didn’t go so well for Anthony. He was not ready to be a souse chef. He was demoted to salads, not even line cook just 1 month before his marriage. Angela was pregnant, being Catholic she insisted they marry before she was showing for the pictures.

Anthony was trying so hard. He was unhappy. Everyone drank at the restaurant including him and his coke use escalated. Ang had no idea about the coke but his drinking pissed her off. “What the fuck Ant, how are you gonna be a good father if you’re always fucked up.” They argued more than ever now. Anthony was so excited to see David, his best man next week. He missed his buddy, 6 mo had passed and he needed a real friend to talk to.

Dave got off at the Amtrak station in Providence. He couldn’t wait to check out the men’s room there. He read it was cruisey. By now, Dave’s addictions were merging, coke and sex. He was doing a lot of both and didn’t care. When he went up the stairs, Anthony and Angela were waving. The toilet was behind them. Dave was happy and disappointed and confused. “What’s wrong with me?” They exchanged hugs and kind words. Anthony was most excited. Dave laughed at his growing stomach. “Did you swallow a watermelon yesterday” Dave said. Anthony didn’t care. He grabbed Dave’s face with his hand under his chin. He pulled Dave in and kissed one cheek and bit his other. Ouch, what the hell”. Angela said “he thinks he’s a fucking dog”. Dave was over whelmed as Anthony grabbed his bags. They all walked to the car. When they got close Dave said, hold on, I’ll be back. As he was running he said he had to check, uh use the bathroom. Hoping nobody would follow him....

Before the wedding, Anthony opened up while they both snorted coke. He was petrified. Everything changed. His relationship. His job. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to be in the business and he missed his best friend. Dave felt bad for Anthony. He though about how funny and confident he was and what a good friend he was to him. Unfortunately, Dave wasn’t as good in the role of caretaker. The difference in the way they were brought up was playing out. David from a cool waspy family had a difficult time dealing with his own feelings, let alone someone else’s. He tried to be a good friend. He forced himself to listen and tried to help but it was a role he was very uncomfortable with. He loved David but this talking now. Anthony talking about himself. It made David want to sleep or run. He tried to comfort Anthony and give him hope but he just wanted him to change the subject.

Of course Anthony, and his big fat Italian Family wore all their emotions like a comfortable pair of shoes. They would be brought to tears over a good coffee. Call a sisters-in-law with a push-up bra a slut. Celebrate when a teenage niece got her period. “Mary Josephine became a woman this morning at 10am, God bless my little girl, she’s a woman now.” To tears and cheers in the family. 

Today it was all about a big Italian wedding, soup to nuts. Topped off with cookies on each table baked by all the aunts and big fancy wedding cake. The pictures will look fine. Angela hardly looked pregnant. Everyone did what they were supposed to do. Well maybe with the exception of Anthony smearing cake all over Angela’s face as the camera’s clicked. One thing Angela said would not happen. David saw it though. It wasn’t playful. Anthony enjoyed ruining her moment. He got sick pleasure out of it. David watching also got a little pleasure at seeing Angela put in her place. David was anxious to get back to NY on the 6:00 train. Good bye Providence. Bye Anthony and Ang. Hello city. Are you ready for Dave? Are you,  ready for Dave...

January of 1992, just a few years later, Dave’s cold got so bad he couldn’t get out of bed. His room was one of the biggest now. Second only to Josh, who still lived there too. David called out to Josh, his good friend now. Josh walked in to an awful smell. “What the fuck? Did you shit yourself”. Dave called him Anthony. He tried to lift his head and fell back. Josh felt his head and called an ambulance. 

HIV. Human immunodeficiency disease. No cure. Dave was dying. How did that happen to me? “I was so careful, at least when I remembered to be.” He had so many questions now. Can I transmit it? Are there treatments? How long? Who gave me this? Who did I give it to? Will I always be this sick.” The doctor gave him pamphlets. No, you will get better from this” this is an opportunistic infection because your immunity is low. It’s up to you to a degree how fast this will move. If you live healthy, eat right. Take the drugs and vitamins a couple of years? The idea is to keep you going until there is a breakthrough. “A breakthrough he though, like Cancer? I’m fucked” Dave did get  better slowly. He decided to get better. No more drinking, drugging of fooling around. He wanted to live as long as he could. 

Back in Providence, the opposite was happening. Anthony was at the family bakery, 3 kids, 50 lbs heavier and drinking 18 hours a day. At this point, any drug would do. He was miserable.

Dave got a phone call from Anthony a couple of months after he got out of the hospital. Anthony said he was in town on business and wanted to get together. Dave though “business?”, but said he just got over the flu, he could stop by for a while Sunday afternoon. “Sunday” Anthony said. Let’s have some fun, like old times. Friday at 11pm, after work.” Dave refused and said Sunday or noneday. Anthony gave him his room number and they hung up. David was on his 2nd week of AA. He was contemplating NA, and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. He was eating well, taking meds, 12 pills plus supplements and doing everything he could to live. He was optimistic about Anthony based on the phone call. He sounded so much better, happier. He knew that just because he was sober, the rest of the world wasn’t. He could handle saying no to booze, drugs, as long as he didn’t have to deal with anyone’s feelings. He was hopeful. 

He went up to the sixth floor and knocked on 608. He heard a TV blearing inside. The door opened and a very fat, unkempt and loud Anthony greeted him with Hugs and cheek kisses. Anthony was wet and sticky. The room smelled. Dave’s heart sunk. He felt Anthony was in trouble immediately but he wanted to run. Not because he didn’t love his old friend, he just couldn’t, incapable. They were both in trouble.

Dave tried to be everything Anthony needed again but it just wasn’t his wheelhouse. He wasn’t a caretaker. Dave just wanted to run as Anthony kept talking and talking. At least when Anthony talked, David didn’t have to.

At first Anthony talked and talked about how great everything was. Dave knew it was all bullshit but he was okay with that. Then he started telling the truth about his miserable situation. Now Dave struggled wishing Anthony would just keep lying. Now everything was out. He was unhappy and miserable at work, with family, without friends. He went to his desk and did a big line of coke then chugged his whiskey bottle. He started handing his straw to David. David jumped back, “No!” Anthony caught Dave’s overreaction.  Dave explained that he gave it up and was committed... “Dave, come on. I know you want to though. Let’s have fun today. Be good tomorrow.” Dave said “no, I don’t want to.” Anthony looked like he had a bright idea. He moved to the bed. In one swoop like that first night, he pulled his pants and underwear down and sat on the edge of the bed. “Go ahead. Suck it. I know you want it. I know you always did.” Daves stomach turned with a combination of disgust and pity. He said, “I’m sorry you are hurting so badly”. I’m going to an AA meeting at 5. Here is the address. He wrote it down as Anthony was saying, “come on Dave. I was kidding. I’m kidding man. Can’t you take a joke.”  as he pulled his pants up. David went for the door. Anthony begging now. “Don’t go. You’re all I got left.” He was crying. More emotions Dave couldn’t handle. He left and ran for the elevator. Once in, he cried. His emotions were hard too when he thought about how that could have gone 2 months earlier. What would he have done if he was still using? Dave was sick on the way down, he loved his friend yet he couldn’t help him, himself or anything. He said goodbye to Anthony, for now. One day at a time.

A year later, David met Pete Robinson in an all gay AA meeting. They hit it off immediately. He was funny like Anthony was. He was handsome and fit, supportive and also HIV positive. There situations were so familiar. It seemed like they needed to grow up again, together this time, they would explore caring, tenderness, love and maybe eventually sex. They  navigated a sober and exciting life together. Like kids growing to adulthood, they learned how life was so much better than anything they experienced just based on sex. By the time they did get there, it was complete, right and unbelievably good. David learned how to take and give love and care to himself and others. He actually cared about Pete’s feelings. When Pete hurt, Dave hurt. When Pete had a problem. Dave eagerly tried to help or comfort him. He was in love and growing up.

A few months later, they were living together and got the news from a few friends. A treatment was being approved that would keep the HIV from replicating. “Keep you alive until a breakthrough” played over and over in David’s mind. That’s what the doctor said but they say that to cancer patients. Could it be? They didn’t believe it. They were going to live? The plan was to take care of each other until they die. As news outlets made announcements and doctors offices called. Pete said “well, this isn’t temporary. Let’s get married. I want to know you’ll be holding my old hand when I die 100 years from now. The phone rang. Pete answered and said it’s Angela. Dave went to the bedroom and talked to Angela for a while. When Dave came out of the room Pete asked what she wanted. Dave explained that Anthony was in a bad place. Angela was complaining as usual. He changed the subject, emotions were flooding his mind, but he couldn’t dampen this beautiful moment. “So when is our wedding” Mr Robinson Hall or Hall Robinson?

They decided to move to Florida. Both on disability and probably not dying soon, they need a fresh start. They said their goodbyes to NYC, family and Friends and left for Ft Lauderdale where they married, took their daily drugs, ate well, didn’t drink and got a dog, Maddie.  They lived happily ever after. Right?

In October, 2002, David had pain under his armpit. In the shower he felt a golf ball sized gland and 2 others down his arm. He tried to ignore it but within days he just didn’t feel well and he was short of breath. He called his Doctor who took him right in. Dr Edleson  seemed concerned. He did bloodwork. By the time he got home, David got a call from the doctor to meet him at the hospital. David had cancer. Advanced cancer; Non Hodgkins lymphoma. Aggressive treatment would be difficult but he was given hope. David and Pete joked that they beat the grim reaper once and they will do it again. Pete was ready for war. He prepared, planned and wouldn’t lose the love he waited so long to find. Real love. Pete overwhelmed talked about all the things they would do to beat this as David, less optimistic, wrote his obituary.

The year of David’s illness was hell. Nothing worked. Not even the most aggressive treatments they tried. It seemed predestined, doomed. They tried and tied until the doctors said another treatment will kill him. No treatment will give him 3 mo. Pete would not give up. He said no. We’ll go to New York and... David stopped him and said “I’ll take the 3 months.

Two of the three months were mostly hell. It was worse for Pete really. He just didn’t plan on ever giving up or letting go. David, on the other hand, talked freely of dying to Pete’s misery. The last month was the hell of all hells. Pete couldn’t do it himself and had no choice but to call hospice as the doctor instructed 2 months ago. The end was near. With light medication, even weak, David stayed present. He was coming in and out of consciousness and Pete was holding his left hand. Then he felt someone slip in and reach for his left hand. It was Anthony holding his hand. David confused and happy his best friend came. He looked good, slimmer, healthier. It made David feel better. David wanted to tell Anthony he was sorry. Sorry for not being there emotionally when he needed him most. He wanted Anthony to know it wasn’t because he didn’t love him. He didn’t know how but he was his best friend. 

Anthony started talking about good times, old times. David struggled with confusion for the first time.  He’s not sure what’s happening, the drugs maybe? He rememberers the call from Angela years ago. The day Pete and he decided to get married. Wait. The call. The call he never told Pete the details of but it haunted him. Angela was aggressive and mean.  David was in shock. All he wanted to do was get back to Pete that day and be happy. Plan his wedding and new life. Instead Angela taunted him about Anthony dying of an overdose. She was screaming about what a loser he was, a huge disappointment. How could he? Was it a dream? 

He looked at Anthony. It was like Anthony heard him. He said “it’s all right bud, I said I’d always be here for you. I’m here to take care of you. Relax. We’re going to have so much fun. Like old  times. David felt peace now, relieved. Everything was calm now. 

David lovingly looked to each side and smiled broadly. He knew it would all be alright as he took his last breath.

Note. Coming out late in life after a treatment for HIV was discovered, many people in my peer group died or barely lived to see the day treatment would keep them alive. These characters are fictional but definitely based on many stories I know or heard of. This is dedicated to the Warriors!