The Library

Almost every time I'd see him at the same table, books spread around his laptop, piles of paper everywhere, and him, typing away, pausing every so often to look at a piece of paper or consult one of the many books he had. When he was deeply concentrating, he'd run his fingers into his hair and stop, holding on to it while he frowned at the screen, his cute round glasses perched on his nose. He looked very serious all the time, intent on getting work done, whatever it was. He was always there when I got there, and left after me. On several occasions I lingered outside the library to see if he was leaving soon after me. It never worked. He had this great shock of blond hair, cut short but longer in the front. Sometimes he'd slick it back, looking like he came right out of a 1940s film. Other times it sort of hung in his eyes and he'd constantly push it back out of the way, unless he was holding it in his hand with that look of serious concentration.

I tried to sort of tip toe behind him once, to see what he was working on. The books were all history books, Russian history. He must be writing a thesis or a paper or something. I couldn't really see what was on the laptop. He began to turn around and maybe he saw my reflection in his screen. I quickly looked at whatever book was in front of me, pretending to scan pages.

I could see that his eyes were light, probably blue. He wore vintage trousers or faded jeans, old cardigans with t-shirts underneath and he had an ear pierced. He wore either Converse high tops or rugged looking black shoes. No jewelry other than an old looking watch and the small silver hoop in his left ear. Once in a while, he'd look unshaved and that made him look even sexier to me. I dreamt of his face between my legs, his scratchy whiskers rubbing up against my inner thighs.

I loved the library as it were, and spent a lot of time in there, especially since becoming single. I came in all the time in the early evenings, sometimes right from work to chill out, read the paper and browse the stacks. I found it to be a great way to collect thoughts and mellow out. I even got to know one of the librarians, a very handsome gray haired man who winked at me periodically. He'd sometimes hold the newspaper for me; it's possible he was crushing on me. I considered once trying to talk to him more and maybe ask him out but I never did.

One night I must have been staring a little too much. The librarian walked by my table and whispered under his breath, 'he is a pretty hot guy, isn't he,' without looking at me. I guess I was too obvious.

A homeless man who spent some time there was a little raucous one night and he yelled into the silent air of the patrons. The man was two tables behind me. Everyone at the tables looked up from their work to see what the ruckus was about. He looked up from his laptop and stared directly at me. As he moved his eyes back to his work he smiled and it looked like he was blushing.

Another night later that same week I found myself absorbed in a biography of Ghandi when I felt a presence behind me. I looked down and to my left and scanned upward and he was standing there, smiling at me.

'Ghandi? Is it a good one?' he kept the smile on his face. I'm sure my face looked bright red - I was definitely beginning to sweat already.

'Yeah, I just picked it up and got into it rather quickly,' I felt like I was stammering and it made me even more nervous.

He took the seat beside me but still had his laptop case on his shoulder.

'My name is Scott. Don't think I haven't seen you in here, sneaking looks at my work,' and he smiled even more broadly.

'Oh!' he really startled me. I know I was red now. 'Sorry, I didn't think I was that obvious.'

'It's okay, really. Either you are very into Russian history or you're trying to get me to notice you,' he cocked his head a little and kept his eyes on my face.

'Wow - okay now I am officially embarrassed,' I said. 'I'm really sorry,' I really felt like an idiot.

'Actually, I'm pretty flattered - that is, if it's me and not the Russian history books you noticed,' and he slid just a little closer to me, maybe so that he could talk more softly.

'Um, well, yes, it is you,' and by now I probably looked like a ripe tomato.

'And...your name?' he put his chin in the hand of the elbow on the table.

'Oh, sorry! I'm Max,' I held out my hand and he shook it, still staring at me and smiling.

'Well, Max, can you tell me why you were looking my way?' he sounded like he was teasing me.

My confidence came back a little. 'Well, you look so serious all the time...and of course, you are very handsome,' and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

'That's so nice of you! Thank you...could I add that you're pretty handsome yourself?' and he changed his stare to one that was more coy and removed his glasses.

'So what is it you're working on? A thesis? Term paper?' I needed to change the subject.

'Actually, I've been writing a novel for a year and I just can't get the fucking thing to move along...oh, sorry, I shouldn't swear like that - I don't even know you!' still looking at me.

'That's okay - I've got quite a mouth myself. Novel? What's it about?' I wondered if I were being too pushy.

'Well, it's a love story set during the revolution - the characters are two men. One is a married businessman and still in the closet. The other is a poet and is single. They fall in love while the world around them is crashing down in pieces and they are on opposite sides. I can't decide if I want a happy ending or a sad one. I've written like four versions of the ending and I'm just stumped as to how it should end. I've been working with a small publisher, hoping to convince the owner to publish it for me.' He was still smiling and had his eyes locked on mine.

'It sounds like a good story! How do you make your living?' I probed a bit.

'Right now I work at a vintage clothing store that a friend of mine owns. But I need to get something a little better, more money, less hours - what do you think I could do with a liberal arts degree?' He smiled again.

'Oh, wow - well, I could think of some things, but they'd either be illegal or not something you want your mom to know about,' I teased a little. Why not?

'Would you tell me more, Max, if I bought you a glass of wine?' He sat back, just a little. Maybe to make a getaway if I said no.

'Wow, Scott - and here I was wanting to come over to your table and talk to you. Every day that I'm here and I see you I think that and then chicken out. I'd really like that,' trying not to let my excitement and astonishment show that the hot guy I've been stalking has just asked ME to get a glass of wine with him.

It was getting late and we both packed up and walked out together. It was a beautiful evening outside and we stood in front of the library to talk for a bit.

'I do have a car down here, but we could walk somewhere. How about you, Max?' he asked.

'I drove here too but I'm happy to walk. Or drive. Whatever you think,' I hate making decisions.

'Okay - let's walk,' and we began walking away from the library.

'So, Max, what do you do for a living?' I'm glad he made easy small talk that I could do...I was pretty nervous.

'I work for a small non-profit doing development, fund raising, that sort of thing. In other words, I make no money,' which got a laugh from him. 'I come to the library a lot to read and look at things. I'm still debating about grad school - I've been debating about it for too long already but I still might do it.'

'Wow - so we're both broke guys with other ambitions,' he said.

'I know this might sound a little forward, but how old are you?' I'm hoping he's over 25 right now.

'I'm 23. I probably look older. Maybe because I stay up too late all the time,' and he grinned at me. 'You?'

'Um, well, actually I'm 35. Is that too old?' I looked at him.

He stopped abruptly. 'Too old for what?' he asked.

'Too old to go on a date with you...I mean, if, well, if that were to happen, I mean if maybe I were to ask you, or...' I was struggling and he let me for a brief moment.

'Max, you're not too old for me. And you were already thinking of asking me out on a date?' he had a little spark going in his eye that told me he was teasing me.

'I guess that's presumptuous of me, isn't it? I guess after a glass or two of wine I might be more persuasive,' thinking he'd laugh at that. And he did.

'The answer would be yes, no matter what,' and he started walking again, just slightly ahead of me so I had to catch up.

I didn't respond - but I was happy inside. I've never had that much of an age gap with anyone I've had a relationship with, but I'm already getting ahead of myself.

He turned a corner and there was a little wine bar there. He opened the door for me and then said 'follow me,' and he led me to a table that he said was his favorite. It was in the back, along the wall and a window and it was a darker part of the already pretty dark bar.

As we set our stuff down and got off our jackets, a pretty blonde girl stopped at our table.

'Hi, Scott - the usual? And who's your cute friend?' which made me blush, I'm sure.

'Yeah, the usual, except make it a bottle. Isn't he? This is Max. We see each other at the library and I finally got up the courage to talk to him tonight.' And he smiled across the table.

I thought to myself - is he sort of giving me shit? He seems so confident...I think I am the one with the low confidence level.

'Nice to meet you, Max. I'm Stacy. Me and Scott grew up in the same neighborhood. Be right back with wine. Oh, Max, if he asks to read that novel...' she smiled.

He cut her off and said 'run along now,' and made a shoo gesture with his hand.

'So you must come in here a lot,' and I saw how really beautiful his face was, lit up by the tiny candle on the table. His skin looked perfect. I wanted to feel it with the back of my hand.

'Yeah, probably too much. Stacy will hang out with me most of the time if it's not busy.' He looked down at the floor.

'I'm guessing you don't have a boyfriend if you asked me out for wine, but I shouldn't assume...' I was getting brave.

He still looked down. 'No, I don't and haven't for about a year. I've been a little gun shy. But I told my friend Vic about you and he cruised by one night to check you out after I called him and said if I didn't approach you that he would and he would give me until this Friday.' He looked a little embarrassed.

'Really? Wow. I'm kind of the same - bad breakup three years ago and no one serious since. And I'll come clean that I sometimes would go to the library only to see if you were there. My friend Lucy egged me on for a while about you but I've just been too self-conscious to interrupt you. You look so serious when you're working and I thought that interrupting you to flirt would be lame if you're working on something to do with Russian history!' and he laughed a little.

'That's funny. Well, that's out of the way - both single and both self-conscious...I guess Vic's threat worked on me. I pictured him talking to you and then leaving with him and it made me so mad. I told myself I had to meet you, finally. It's only Wednesday but it took me Monday and Tuesday to think about it one last time and then I was worried you wouldn't be back. Sorry, I'm talking too much about this,' and at that moment Stacy came with a bottle and two glasses. He stared at me while Stacy poured us wine and then winked at me as she walked away.

'Wow! I am truly flattered. It's so funny that we were on the same mission. I'm so glad you broke the ice,' I said, again, blushing.

We then drank a little bit in silence, Scott still staring at me every so often. I decided to start staring at him and he looked so extra gorgeous in the dim light, his high cheekbones shadowed just right; his eyes sparkled somewhat. Beautiful eyes, great mouth, strong nose, I liked his hands, too.

'So Max, I don't count this as a real date - this is a practice, I think. Would you let me take you out to eat or something? I mean, if you'd like-'

'Of course I want to,' and it seemed like he was moving in on me rather quickly.

He smiled and then changed the subject. We talked about our jobs a bit more. I could somewhat feel the age difference as he talked about writing, sharing an apartment, etc. It seemed like he was still in college. He grew up the suburbs here and decided to go to school out here. My guess is that he comes from money - the way he talked, maybe? He's probably the black sheep of the family - gay, wants to be a writer, wears old clothes and sells them.

He switched to movies and music and we had a lot of common connections there - old blues and old jazz, foreign films, find television a big yawn - we laughed about how alike our pop culture sensibilities were.

We polished off the bottle and he asked me if I wanted another.

'I shouldn't really - I have to work tomorrow and I start fairly early. But I've had such a great evening with you,' and I grabbed his hand from across the table.

'Me, too, Max. Can I have your phone number?'

'Yeah - and me yours?'

'Give me yours and I'll call you - then you'll have mine,' and he smiled.

I said my phone number out loud and he called me. It was nice to have the phone number of a totally sexy hot younger guy - I can't remember if that ever happened before. I really haven't dated anyone that much younger than me.

He paid the check, although I tried to chip in. I'm sure he makes way less than I do, and I don't make much. We got up and he asked if he could walk me to my car.

'And I could drive you to your car,' and he nodded.

We walked outside and headed towards where I parked. Along the way, he said, 'Max, I don't think I've ever dated anyone older - I mean - with that much of an age gap. I'm glad it doesn't bother you,' and he looked straight ahead of himself while he walked.

We walked more in silence and got to my car, a very well loved old Volvo, and I unlocked the door for him and let him in. After I got it my side, he stared at me and he started moving closer to me. Is he trying to kiss me? Should I go for it? He put the back of his right hand on my cheek and stroked it for a moment.

'You are amazingly handsome,' he said. I know I turned as red as an apple and I smiled and couldn't think of what to say.

He leaned back to where he started and I asked him where to go for his car. Sure enough, as I suspected, money. He drove a brand new Mini. A vintage store clerk would never be able to afford that - no?

I pulled up behind his car and turned off my engine.

'I had such a nice time, Scott. When can I see you again?'

'Tomorrow? Tomorrow night?'

'Sure - call or text me and we'll figure out where and when.'

He smiled at me, almost like he was proud of himself for making this connection. Then he started to get out, taking off his seat belt and leaning forward to unlock the door.

'Good night, Scott,' I said, smiling.

'Good night, Max,' and he smiled back. Oh well, no kiss.

But as he started to unlock his car he stopped and walked back over. I rolled down the window.

'Max?' he looked slightly nervous.

'Yeah?' what did he want to ask me?

'I'm glad I came over to your table at the library tonight. I'm looking forward to our date,' and he smiled again.

'Me, too, Scott,' and I looked into his face.

He leaned in and kissed me softly, sending little chills right through me all of a sudden. He pulled away and stood there. I opened the door and got out and grabbed him and started kissing him. He pulled me into him and I was doing the same. I leaned against my car and we kept kissing for about five or so minutes; I was getting pretty excited, I guess. I pulled back and he pulled back.

'Wow - that was nice, Max. ' and he blushed for a change.

'It was. You are incredibly sexy,' and my hormones were taking over. Tell it like it is, Max. 'I hope I can do more of that tomorrow night.'

He blushed and smiled and turned towards his car and said a final goodbye.

I went home and, guess what, jerked off.

After that I was settling down for the night and I heard my phone vibrate. I had a text from Scott. It read:

Max, it was so nice hanging out. I loved the goodbye, too. Hope to see you tomorrow. S.

That made me smile, so I answered back: Scott, I agree with you. Call you tomorrow 10 a.m. or so about dinner? Here are some more kisses: XXXX Max

After I hit send I thought, oh man, was that lame? How will I keep up with a 23 year old? Maybe he's an 'old soul' type and I'll find more in common than I thought. Maybe it will be just sex. Now I'm getting ahead of myself - next thing I'll be thinking is when he'd move in. I've been that deprived.

I finally fell asleep after Googling him a little bit. I did find his Facebook, too. He had about 300 'friends.' The little pictures showed a lot of hot young guys...and a couple porn stars, from what I could see. I couldn't look at any of his photos and he had the rest of his profile locked down pretty well.

Morning came and I got up for my regular work routine, shave, shower, coffee, newspaper, get out the door. I tried to keep pretty busy but found myself staring at the same work email over and over, thinking about Scott. I remembered that I said I'd call him around 10, but that this was actually his date - he asked me out.

Around 9:45 my phone buzzed and I saw that I had a new text:

Max, still using up my Xs from last night. Can you talk in a couple minutes? XX Scott

I texted back: Scott, I can talk to you anytime. Max

A minute later my phone buzzed again and this time it was Scott on the phone. I picked up and said hello.

'Max, it's Scott,' he said.

'I knew that! How are you?'

'I'm great! I did have such a nice time with you last night. The evening turned out well, don't you think?'

'Of course I do, Scott. One of my best trips to the library, I'd say,' I quipped.

He laughed and then was quiet for a moment.

'Max, do you still want to have dinner with me tonight?'

'Of course I do!'

'How about we meet at that British pub restaurant place down off 5th. Does that sound okay?'

'Sure, Scott - I've never been there but hear their food is really good,' I sighed to myself, glad the date question finally came up.

'See you at 7?'

'I'll be there!' and we hung up.

Moments later I got another text from him: Max, I can't wait to see you. Been thinking about you and how hot you are. Am I too forward?

I laughed...He has no idea what forward is to me!

I wrote back:

Scott, not too forward at all. I was thinking about you until I went to sleep. And that was after I finally got some relief. You are very sexy.

He texted back: Now I'm blushing. See you at 7 XO

So the day went ever so slowly at work, but at least I had a meeting I could daydream through. I finally hit 4:30 and I work until 5:00. I made up an excuse so I could leave early and said goodbye to everyone. I went straight home and jerked off again, while looking at his Facebook picture, and then took a hot shower. Then I downed a shot of scotch and that all seemed to calm me a bit.

I got dressed, struggling to figure out what to wear - do I look my age, I thought?

I have been told that I look 30 - although I don't know what that means. I'm 5'10' with dark hair, cut short, pretty standard, brown eyes. I am not a hairy guy and I work out quite a bit to try to stay in good shape. I have no tattoos, but both ears pierced. I also do have my nipples pierced, which is always a nice surprise to a new lover. I guess I don't look like the 'type' to have them. It turns me on a lot when they are pulled on pretty hard. Sometimes I can go further than that and I like to play with toys, too.

I put on a black button-down shirt and jeans and a leather jacket as it was pretty chilly out. The restaurant was a short drive for me and I got down there at 6:45 and sat in my car, parked around the corner from the place and I began to get nervous. I guess it's been a while since I've gone on a date, rather than picking up someone to fuck for a night - since my shitty breakup three years ago, I don't think I have met a guy in a place other than a bar or the gym. This seemed so different.

I saw him walking down the street to my left. He looked stunning - his hair was slicked back and he had a hat on - again looking like someone from another era. He had narrow trousers on with a nice leather jacket that also looked somewhat vintage. Under the jacket I could see what looked like a soft gray sweater, v-neck, with a white tee underneath. I was already thinking of mauling him right here and now. Man, he looked so sexy.

I let him cross to the next corner and watched him disappear around the corner from where I was parked, heading towards the restaurant. It was 5 before 7 o'clock. I didn't want to be early. I wanted to be 5 minutes late. But I couldn't wait. I got out of the car and walked pretty quickly behind him. He stopped in front of the place and took out his phone and was looking at something and then I could see he was texting someone. I walked up silently and he looked up just as I got to him.

'Max! You look great!' and he put his phone away and kissed me on the cheek.

'You look incredibly handsome, Scott. I love your hat - it suits you so well. You really have great style,' realizing I should have stopped right there so as not too sound too over the top.

'Thanks,' and I could swear he blushed. 'Shall we?' and he held the door open for me and we walked in. This must be another place he hangs at as the bartender nodded at him as we walked by and we found a table in the bar at the back corner.

'I put my name in for a table - want to have a pint while we wait?' he got comfortable on his stool.

'Sounds great, ' I said, smiling and he got up and went to the bar. He was talking to the bartender, who looked up and then back at him and smiled. Scott came back with two pints.

'I know the bartender - I told him I was on a date and he said 'it's about time' and then looked at you and said you were pretty handsome,' which he kind of whispered across the table.

I'm sure I blushed but I did smile at him and didn't say anything.

We worked on our pints and talked more about nothing and everything. College, where we've lived, traveled, films we like, authors, etc. I was really engaged with him and found out that we had even more in common than I thought. It made me relax about the age difference because our cultural references were so matched. I didn't feel that old or that unhip all of a sudden.

We hear his name being called for our table finally, and he gestured for me to go ahead of him and a host led us to a booth in the back (did he arrange this, I wondered?) and as I got in the side that faced the back, with the room behind me, he slid in next to me.

'Can I sit next to you until we get some food?' and his eyes were so beautiful that he could have asked me to do just about anything at that moment and I would have complied. He took his hat off and put it on the seat across, where he presumably would sit.

He leaned into me and gave me a really soft kiss on the mouth. 'I've wanted to do that all day,' he whispered. I'm sure I blushed again. I was definitely not used to this sort of treatment.

Our waiter came and we ordered food and two more pints. After he took the menus and walked away, Scott leaned in again to me and kissed me. He touched my face as he kissed me and I could hear a slight murmur from him, too. The heat between us was pretty strong, just from that, and I could feel it all through my body. So of course I was already getting hard, thinking about what he might look like under those clothes. I think he could tell, the way he smiled at me. He sat next to me for a bit, reaching over and putting his right hand on my thigh while he talked to me. I think I will be getting laid, I thought. I hoped I would be getting laid, I thought next.

The food came and he moved across from me. I was sort of quiet while I ate but he kept up the conversation pretty well without me. He seemed to be so well-read and smart - talking about books and writers I'd never heard of; I nodded a lot and smiled and said a few 'yesses' where I could.

We finished and it seemed like things were still at an upswing.

'You know, Max, do you live alone?' he actually sounded a little nervous.

'Yes, I do. Did you want to come over? You have roommates, don't you,'and I smiled.

'Are you going to take advantage of me?' and he looked at me coyly.

'Only if you want me to,' and tried to hold back my enthusiasm just a bit.

He smiled and put his credit card in the little vinyl folder and the waiter came by and picked it up. He continued to stare at me, smiling, so I did the same. He smiled as the waiter came back and he took the check and signed the receipt and got up, putting his hat back on.

'Shall we?' he said and I could see his hands were slightly shaking.

'Follow me!' and we walked out and down the street to the corner, not saying anything to each other.

'Did you drive here, Scott? Did you want to follow me?' I stopped before my car.

'Yeah, can you drive me over to my car? It's on the next block and around the corner,' and he looked a little nervous again. I decided to clear things up right away.

'Scott, you're a little quieter than you were inside. You don't have to come home with me, you know. Or, if you do, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, you know,' and I took his hand in mine as I said that.

'I'm just kind of nervous. I really want to, honestly, I'm just kind of overwhelmed,' and he looked down at his shoes. 'You are so confident and comfortable with yourself,' he added.

'Scott, you are an amazing guy. Don't be nervous with me - I'm pretty much who you see - and I think it's safe to say that I'm a nice guy. Maybe too nice for my own good. So come over, and we'll hang out and see what happens. Okay?' and I amazed myself at what I just said. Maybe being older makes me more self-assured and not scared to take someone home with me. Maybe at 23 he's just not that experienced, or maybe he thinks he's getting in over his head.

He nodded and I motioned for him to get in and he did. He was again quiet as we got to his car.

'Are you sure? You don't have to come over. We could walk, get coffee, see a movie, or we can say good night. You make the call,' and I smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

'I want to come over,' and he got out. 'I'll follow you.'

He did follow me - I was thinking maybe he'd just ditch me at a light because he was just too freaked out. But he stayed behind me through every turn. He parked next to me in the lot at my apartment building. When he got out, I held out my arms and he fell into them, more or less, and I hugged him tightly.

'You okay?' I asked and he nodded. He followed me in and up to my place. When we got inside he really seemed a little more freaked out.

'Scott, really, are you sure you want to stay? You don't have to. It won't make me think anything bad about you - I just don't want you to be uncomfortable.'

'I'm okay, Max. Just sort of mellow and a little nervous. I'm sure I'll become more relaxed in a few minutes.'

I was beginning to think that I shouldn't even try to get him in bed with me. I don't want to scare him off and I don't want him to think he's obligated or anything. I got us more beer and purposely didn't sit right next to him on the couch, but sat across from him with a coffee table between us.

'You have a really nice place,' he said.

'Thanks - I like it here for now.'

'Why are you sitting over there, Max?'

'I didn't want to overwhelm you,' and I smiled. 'Did you want me to move over there?' and he nodded. As soon as I sat down he took my face in his hands and started kissing me, pretty powerfully.

'Wow! You seem more relaxed now!' I teased. He sort of looked down with a smile.

'I've never done this - go home with someone. I've always dated someone more before that,' he said, still looking down.

'Scott, again, don't feel like anything needs to happen - I wouldn't think anything of it, except that I'd be excited to see you again,' and I tried to say that very gently. I was really feeling kind of weird, like maybe he was scared to say no or something. I did not want him to feel like that - I'd feel terrible.

'Be right back,' and I went to the bathroom, thinking he could relax for a moment and think about what he wanted to do.

I came back out and he had taken off his jacket, which was a good sign. He looked worried, though, and I could tell he was trying to keep his composure to a more stoic sort of look.

'Max, before things go any further, I have a big confession to make. I hope you won't get mad and that we can still do whatever we were going to do anyway. Because I think that it doesn't make a difference, but...' he began.

I knew it. He's probably 17. 'How old are you?' Either that was it or...?

'I'm 19 and still in college,' he looked down at the floor.

'Wow. Yeah, that's a good thing to tell me,' I looked at him, clearly disappointed in him already.

'I'm sorry. I thought 23 would sound better because I knew you had to be a bit older,' he said, still looking down.

I sat down finally, next to him and sighed deeply. Well, he's not 18, he's not a minor, he's young but thinks he acts older? Nineteen does make him that much younger than me - sixteen instead of twelve years? So the vintage store job is more of a hobby.

'So what are you studying then? English?'

'Yes. The writing is not a lie,' he looked up briefly. 'Do you want me to leave?'

I paused for a moment. He was sexy, he seemed like he knew what he was doing.

'Does your friend at the wine bar know you're underage?'

'Yes, she does. She could get in trouble so please don't tell. I'll be 20 next month,' he looked at me pleadingly.

'How about the bartender at the pub we ate at?'

'He has a crush on me and never cards me. '

'How do I ask this...' I started, 'have you done this sort of thing before? Get a guy all interested in you and then break the news that you're barely a grown up?'

'Not really - I just thought you wouldn't look at me a second time if you knew. Then kissing you last night made me more excited to see you,' he looked at me pleadingly.

I walked around my living room for a moment, thinking. I couldn't decide if the lie bugged me or the actual age bugged me. The little devil on my shoulder was saying, 'Go on - fuck him!' while the mature side of me was, 'He's too young!'

'Okay. Stay, please. If you've lied about anything else I won't want to see you, period. Understood?' Man, I sounded like such a hard ass.

'Oh, thank you, Max. I promised I haven't and won't,' and he breathed a sigh of relief.

I didn't say anything else. I sat on the couch and opened my arms to him. He smiled and stood up and came over to me and sat on my lap and we began kissing, frantically, like our lives depended on it. He put his hands on my face while I held him and ran my hands up and down his back on his shirt. I was already pretty aroused and I don't know if it's just him or the idea of being with a young guy - a MUCH younger guy, or maybe both.

He got up so he was kneeling, his legs on either side of me. He started kissing my neck and my ears and he pressed up against me and I could feel that he was pretty hard and I thought, well, this is probably the last chance I have to quit before I rip those clothes off him. He was a great kisser, He pulled away from my lips and put his arms around my neck and pulled me in for a really tight hug.

'You feel so nice, Max,' he whispered in my ear.

I lifted him off me and stood up and reached for his hand and I led him down the hall to my bedroom. I could feel his heart beating in his palm, I think. Was I in over my head even more than I thought?

'You're not a virgin, are you?' I said as we entered my room.

'Um, no...'

'Because that's okay - and again, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Tell me to stop if you want to,' and I smiled at him while still holding his hand.

He nodded and smiled. I turned and sat on the edge of my bed and held out my arms again and he stood between my legs and I grabbed him and laid back, pulling him on top of me and began kissing him again. I rolled him over onto his back and sat on top of him.

'You are so hot, Scott - I'm so wanting to rip your clothes off right now...still okay?' and I thought, will I keep asking this? But I wanted to give him one last chance to stop before we went too far. I'm not sure I entirely believed him saying no to my question.

He smiled at me and looked in my eyes. I'm usually good at reading eyes but his were either showing me he was scared, about to cry or about to melt in my arms. I've given him a bunch of chances, I thought. So I started by pulling his sweater over his head and then his t-shirt while I sat on top of him, his hands on my thighs. He tipped his head up and moaned softly a bit as I got his t-shirt off. Such soft skin, I thought, and I scooted down and began kissing his chest, pausing to suck on his nipples for a while and he kept moaning and tipping his head upwards.

'Do you like this?' I said softy.

'Yes, I do,' he said sort of under his breath.

I continued but then climbed off him so I was on the side of him. I looked at his gorgeous face while I gently squeezed the fairly large bulge in his trousers. His eyes were beautiful but serious as he looked back at me. He was still quiet but seemed into what I was doing. If he didn't start to get a bit more frisky with me I planned on stopping.

Just then he sat up and began taking my shirt off. He did a double take when he saw my piercings.

'Probably unexpected, huh?' I laughed. 'You can play with them, pull on them, whatever. I have a high pain tolerance,' I added.

He smiled and felt them and pulled me back into him and I was on top of him again, this time I positioned myself so my encased hard on was directly pushing into his and he was getting a little more ramped up. I started biting his neck again and breathing into his ear and nibbling on it and he was making a bit more noise. I wanted to see what he'd do next, so I rolled off him and laid down right next to him and squeezed his crotch while I looked at him. He seemed to push himself more into my grasp and then he sat up and got on top of me.

He put both of my arms over my head and held on to my wrists as he began kissing me again and moving his lips down to my neck and then my chest, pausing to look at my piercings again.

'So I can pull on them a little?' he sort of whispered.

'Yeah, I'll tell you if it's too much,' I smiled.

He scooted back and a little and gently took a hoop in his mouth and started to pull back a bit. It felt so amazing, a slowly building pleasure that got more intense. But I held out to see how far he'd go. He pulled just a little harder and I was still okay - he wasn't even near the low end of my pain tolerance. I moaned a bit to let him know he was doing great; he seemed a bit reluctant to pull back anymore so he let go and went to the other side, pulled on the hoop with his teeth again, fairly slowly. He tried to go just a little past where he went on the other side and I think he was surprised that I hadn't said anything yet.

'Yeah, that felt really nice, Scott,' and I stroked his hair and could feel this silky pomade that he used and I suddenly wanted to slide my cock in and out of his hair while he hovered over me just slightly.

He smiled and moved down a little, squeezing my crotch and looking at me for direction, I thought.

'Take them off me,' I said and folded my arms behind my head.

He started to work on the button fly on my jeans, one at a time, and I was about to burst out of them. Is he going slowly to torture me, or because he's nervous?

He got them open and I lifted my hips so he could take them off me. I was finally down to my boxer briefs and I think he was almost startled and it made me wonder again how much experience he had having sex with men. I sat up on my elbows and took one of his hands and put it on the bulge in my underwear and squeezed his hand so he was squeezing me. He took over and kept massaging me through them.

'Can I take yours off, too?' I looked at him coyly.

He turned red and nodded. He lay down and I unbuckled his belt and unhooked the waist on his pants and then slowly opened the zipper and kept an eye on his face to judge his reaction. He was sort of breathing a little harder and had his eyes shut periodically. I got the pants off and he was wearing some really sexy black briefs. I was almost there, I thought. No turning back, Scott. Well, of course I would let him go, I'm not that much of an ass. But he stayed.

I slid one finger under the waistband of his briefs and he moaned again, closing his eyes.

'Can I take these off, yet?' and I smiled.

'Yeah,' he said softly.

He was amazing. He had beautiful soft blond curls on his pelvis, which framed a beautiful, big meaty cock. He was cut and pretty big, at least I thought . He was dripping a lot of pre cum and I took some on my finger and tasted it while I stared at him. His eyes looked watery. He sat up on his elbows a bit to watch me.

I grabbed his cock with my hand, solidly but I didn't move it. He moaned rather audibly this time. I leaned down and started to put my tongue on the head of his cock.

'Um, I don't think I can last much longer...but I can go again,' he said this almost apologetically.

'That's okay - let me help,' and he actually sort of laughed.

I plunged his cock into my mouth, going all the way down the shaft to his pelvis. His body jumped and he said 'Fuck!' and was clenching his teeth.

I began to stroke him with my mouth, stopping to give his perfect mushroom head a good tongue bath and he was panting and clenching his jaw and watching me, squeezing his eyes shut.

As I deep-throated him again he said 'Oh, god,' and I could feel him starting to ejaculate and I kept sucking him, letting his load slide to the back of my throat. I swallowed and kept going and he shot a few more times and then as I kept sucking him, he sat up abruptly and touched my head.

'Fuck, I can't take it anymore,' and I let go of him and he lay back on the pillow with a huge sigh.

'That was fucking awesome, Max,' he was still panting a little.

'Glad you liked it,' and I crawled over and gave him a kiss.

I let him lay there for a while as I stroked myself again to get up to where I was before. Now it's my turn, I thought...

'So Scott, would you let me fuck you?'

'Um - well, sure!' he sounded reluctant.

I guess I hadn't thought of the possibility of him not being as experienced because of his age. But he certainly had the confidence to approach an older man and flirt. Should I probe this a little deeper (bad joke, I know)? Or should I just keep going?

'Are you sure? You sounded hesitant,' and he was pretty quiet.

'Well, I guess I should say that I'm a virgin as far as that goes,' and he looked down a bit.

'Wow. Well, maybe we should just hang out and cuddle?' I thought it would be in bad form to say 'okay, just get down here and suck my cock then.'

'No, I think I want to do it. I think you would be the right person - I don't know why but there's something about you that makes me feel safe.'

'Thanks - I'm glad you feel comfortable around me. But, you know, think about it for a bit,' but I was really thinking 'oh boy! A virgin!'

'No, I want to go for it. It's all I've thought about today up until our date. It's not something monumental in my mind - I want to not make a big deal of it, really,' and he tried to smile and he kissed me.

'Have you played with toys ever? We could do that first,' I offered. I was getting a little worked up in my mind, thinking about getting my tongue in that gorgeous virgin ass. Fuck! I hadn't had this opportunity in years...

'Sure - I'm up for anything, teacher!' and he laughed.

So I got up and went to my dresser and found a great dildo that I bought recently, not too big, not too long, electric purple in color and ribbed. Then I grabbed the tube of lube that was in my nightstand drawer. His eyes followed me around the room and didn't say anything. Suddenly he looked his age to me. Innocent, still; young, sweet and hot. He's an adult, I said to myself. Then I froze for a nanosecond.

'Scott, this will sound really stupid, but can you get me your driver's license? It's not that I don't believe you but it would just make me feel that much better.'

He was silent for a second and then said, 'Sure, let me get my wallet,' and he found his pants and took it out.

'Here,' and he handed me his wallet.

I dropped the dildo and lube on the bed and opened his wallet. I sighed heavily as I confirmed that, yes, he is only 19, but will be 20 very soon, as he said. I handed it back to him and smiled. 'Thank you, Scott, I feel better,' and then I crawled back on the bed and said 'Now should we have some fun?' and he grinned at me, holding his cock in his hand and stroking it.

'Teach away!' he said, which made me feel funny, slightly, but I knew I'd get over that.

'Has anyone ever rimmed you?' and I leered at him, hoping the answer was no.

'Um, no...'

'Get up here,' and I patted the mattress. He got up on all fours and I grabbed his ass and squeezed it hard with both hands and parted his cheeks. I was dizzy with delight looking at his untouched beautiful pink rosebud, just calling to me. I started licking him, from the bottom of his balls all the way to the top. He shuddered as soon as he felt my tongue. I started centering in on his hole, teasing him all the way around it. He started moaning, first much like a whimper and then his voice grew lower and lower and he yelled 'Oh, fuck!' as my tongue entered him. His body shuddered some more and his moans were getting louder and more audible. I reached under him and started stroking his cock at the same time. He was already hard and dripping and he got louder at this point, so I thought I'd better stop before he blew his load right then and there.

I stopped and gave him a good slap on the ass and he jumped a bit.

'Did you like that?' I peered around to see his face.

'Fuck! It felt incredible.' I leaned over and kissed him.

'Stay where you are,' and I went to the bathroom and washed the dildo with soap and water and returned to the bed. I kneeled to the side of him while I lubed it up and his eyes grew bigger.

'Don't worry, you'll love it,' and I smiled.

I went back behind his ass and rimmed him just a little bit more. He was definitely tense. I took the dildo and rubbed it up and down between his cheeks and stopped right at his hole. He was pretty tense.

'Take a deep breath and kind of bear down just a bit,' and as he did, I slowly put just the tip of it inside him and he gasped as I started turning it around, back and forth, slowly going in just a tiny bit at a time. He was breathing harder and moaning a lot. I kept going and the dildo was in about half way and he was clearly still nervous but also enjoying it.

Next I started moving it in and out, gently fucking him with it. I reached underneath him and stroked his cock a little while I continued and he was moaning louder and trying to look back to check it out.

'Does it feel good? Want more?' and I stopped for a moment, with the dildo still inside him.

'Yeah, yeah, more,' he managed to say, and I went back to fucking him with it, this time inching in just a little deeper and thrusting a bit harder.

'Feel good? New sensations?' and he let out a big moan and said 'yes' right through it. I kept up the momentum and he was starting to enjoy himself.

'Ready for me, you think?' and I stopped stroking him momentarily.

'Um, sure...you have condoms, right?' his voice sounded shaky.

'Of course - hang on,' and I pulled the dildo out and reached over to my nightstand drawer and pulled one out. I was hard again, thinking about ramming my cock into that sweet ass, but I knew I should take it easy and be gentle, at least at first.

I put on the condom and he stayed where he was. I flipped him on his back and he looked at me, maybe wondering what I was doing. I wanted to see his face as I entered him.

I got some more lube and put it on my hand and put it all over the condom. I put it down and went between his legs and grabbed him under the knees and lifted him up a bit. He looked nervous again.

'I want to see your face when I enter you, Scott. You're so beautiful,' and he blushed and smiled at me, still silent. 'Hold your legs like this,' and he took over. I paused at the entrance to his hole and looked at him. He was so beautiful, his clear blue eyes looking right at mine. I began to ease my way in and he held his breath for a moment and closed his eyes as I began to go in more. His eyes looked a little wet, and he was biting his lip and staring at me. I went ahead, staring at him and began thrusting slowly in and out of him. I began stroking his cock at the same time and he began moaning and gasping. He closed his eyes again and began twisting and pinching his own nipples. I kept going on, taking over holding his legs back and then pausing while I was inside him to lean into him and kiss him and bite on his nipples myself. He head his chin pointed up in the air and was moaning more and more. I suppose I didn't have to worry as he was clearly enjoying getting fucked.

'Fuck! Fuck me harder, Max!' and I obeyed, fucking him harder, my cock going in all the way where I could feel my pelvis touching the underside of his sac. He began jerking his own cock and I raised up a bit and had a feeling he was going to blow pretty quickly at this point. I stopped for a moment or two while still inside him and took over jerking his cock for a minute while he again grabbed at his own nipples and began moaning much faster and with a higher voice.

'Oh, god this feels so fucking intense, don't stop, oh fuck, Max, oh, oh, oh, oh, I think I'm going to come,' and come he did, ejaculating so forcefully that cum landed on his own face and hair and a lot on his chest. Through all of it he clenched his teeth and his eyes were squeezed shut. At the end, his body loosened up and he fell back deeper into the pillows, panting slightly and smiling.

I leaned into him so I could have a taste of him - I licked up some of his cum and swallowed it - nice and salty-sweet, and then leaned in and kissed him hard so he could also taste himself and he groaned a bit into my mouth and I whispered in his ear, 'I'm going to fuck you a little more and then come all over you,' and sat back and he didn't say a word but smiled at me.

I went back up on my knees and started fucking him again, my own orgasm becoming imminent second by second. At just the right moment I quickly pulled out and pulled the condom off and began jerking my cock pretty fast and aggressively and as I came I let out a big rush of air and a long 'Ohhhhh' and I unloaded all that I had on his stomach and chest.

I finished and rolled off him to the side, exhausted and happy.

I laid there quietly for a moment with my eyes shut and reached with my left hand until I found his right hand and I squeezed it in mine and held it. He squeezed me back and then I felt him lean over me and he kissed me softly on the forehead.

I opened my eyes and looked into his eyes and he was so beautiful. His hair hung over his cheekbones and framed his face and the way he looked at me and smiled made me think that he was happy that we went for it.

'How are you doing?' I asked softly as I stroked his face with the back of my right hand. 'How are you feeling?'

'I'm great, Max. Really great,' he said through his smile and he sounded more confident and sure of himself. 'Thank you for that - you are incredible,' and he kissed my forehead again.

I pulled him on top of me and put my arms around him. We gripped each other tightly for a moment and then rolled over on his side to my left and put his head on my shoulder and his arm across my stomach. We fell asleep, just like that.

I woke up an hour or so later and he was still on me, sleeping pretty soundly. I gently moved him over and grabbed the blanket off the floor and looked at his body for a few moments before I put it on us. I kissed him on the forehead and looked at his angelic face and his sweet long eyelashes as he slept. Should I try to see him more? Will he want to see old me more? I didn't want to get too ahead of myself, I thought. Take each moment at a time.

I slept pretty soundly and woke up around 6:30 a.m. and he wasn't next to me. Fuck, he left, I thought, as I looked around and didn't see his clothes on the floor any longer.

I went into the bathroom and there was a note perched on the sink, notebook paper folded. I read it and it made me smile.

-- Max, I had such an incredible night. You are such a fantastic lover and made me feel so great and so comfortable. Thank you, thank you for the gift you gave me. I hope I can see you again and that you would be comfortable going out with me, now that you know my true age. I hope the answer is yes because I think you are wonderful. I had to leave because I have an 8 a.m. class this morning and I needed to get home to grab some books. Will you call me? I hope so. XOXO Scott -

I did my morning routine and went to work, unable to get him off my mind. I texted him as soon as I got settled in at my desk.

-- Scott, free for lunch? If not, tell me if I can see you today. I'm thinking about you and our night last night. XOXO Max -

It was almost a half-hour before I got a return text. During that half-hour I sweated and tried to concentrate on work email. I finally got the reply:

-- Max, meet me at the library after work? I have back to back classes until 2. Can't wait to see you XO Scott -

I went to the library after work and found him, at his usual table, working again on his laptop. He smiled up at me as he saw me walking towards him. I sat down right next to him and whispered 'Hey, gorgeous. How are you?' and I squeezed his hand. He smiled again and said 'Fine, really fine. I'm almost done with my homework. Can you hang out with me until I'm done? Then we can do something?'

I nodded at him and smiled, getting up to find a book or two to browse. As I was making a selection, the handsome librarian walked briskly by me and whispered under his breath 'lucky man' and as he passed me he looked back and gave me a wink.