Texas Rain

     The Texas rain was relentless, as relentless as the memories that poured back into me during this past week. As I stood on the porch, I could hear an occasional ping on the metal roof, telling me that small hail had started to fall. It was often a signal that the storm was getting worse. The black Trans-Am at the end of the driveway stopped its approach. Was it ambivalence? I remembered my first few months with Tyler. Nothing about us was ambivalent.

---

     The summer with Tyler had been non-stop fun. We got to know each other. Our quirks didn’t seem to drive the other crazy. But now, my first semester was starting. I had decided to major in international business and in French. I reviewed French with Tyler during the summer, and I took a test and was amazed that I got credit for six hours of French and would start taking a second-year class. Tyler decided to take the class with me. His efforts to tutor me often went beyond the class assignment, and I found myself excelling.

     Tyler’s load was science-heavy. Biology, Chemistry, Physics, and the French class. I took English, Calculus, French, Biology, Business, and Sociology. Our math major roommates thought it looked like a fair load. My partners in the business class thought I was insane, but I thought that I might take lighter loads as the classes became more intense in my Junior and Senior years.

     Tyler’s goal was medical school. He had injured his ankle when he was a small kid, and after that, he wanted to be an orthopedic specialist. I joked that I could be his nurse, but I knew I was better-       suited filing insurance in his back office.

     Our schedules kept up busy during the day, but we always met up for dinner in the cafeteria. After dinner, we would sometimes go back to the room together; other times, we had meetings with study groups. We always spent the night together. Holding each other, we had plenty of room in that twin bed.

     On Saturdays, we had made a promise to get caught up with our work to that the evening would be completely free. One Saturday after mid-term exams, I had no classwork to do. I was actually ahead of my assignments by a week. Tyler had a chapter to read in his biology text, and he would be finished as well. I let him read and went outside for a walk.

     I found myself sitting in the same place that I first saw Tyler. The swim team was practicing laps. The smell of chlorine was strong, and the coach was shouting directions to tweak the performance of his swimmers. I realized how dull I found the experience, and I was about to get up when a rather meek, good-looking guy from my biology class sat in front of me and turned to talk to me.

     “I know you from class,” he said.

     “I recognize you too.”

     “I’m hoping you’ll help me out. My name is Kenny.”

     “What can I help you out with, Kenny?”

     Kenny got up and sat next to me. He whispered in my ear; although, there was no one near us. “I’m really horny, and you’re really cute. I need someone to fuck me. I want to know what it’s like. I want it to be someone who’s clean and has nice teeth. I don’t want a boyfriend; I just want to get fucked.”

     I was stunned. Do people really do that? He just came up to me and told me he wants me to have sex with him.

     He continued. “My roommate’s gone for the weekend.”

     “I have a boyfriend, Kenny.”

     “I won’t tell him,” was the quick response.

     “I don’t cheat on him. In fact, when I see him in a little bit, I’ll have to tell him about this. I hope you find what you need. No hard feelings, OK?” I put my hand out to shake his.

     “You don’t have to be so weird about it.” Kenny stood up and walked away. I felt bad for him, not bad enough to give him what he was asking for. I kept thinking about how strange his ideas must be, to just pick someone for sex. It did make me feel good that he wanted someone with good teeth, and he had picked me. But it felt just a little creepy. I watched him just to make sure I would leave by a different door. Once he was gone, I got up and went back to the dorm.

     When I told Tyler what had happened, he said he wasn’t surprised. People on campus experiment with a lot of things. “Some of them are searching for what we have,” he said. “Many of them don’t even know that they’re looking for.” I put my arms around him and held him against me.

     “I didn’t know that I was looking for you,” I told him. “But found you I did.”

     “Don’t go all nerdy on me.”

     “I thought you liked them nerdy.”

     “Only when I need help with my homework.”

     I pushed him back on the bed and pulled his knees up to his chest. I aligned our crotches as I pressed our hips together. “I’ve heard nerds make better lovers,” I told him, and I rubbed our crotches together.

     He grabbed me by the ears and pulled our faces together. He kissed me long and hard and deep, and we spent the rest of the day in bed making love.

* * *

     Christmas break was approaching much faster than I had expected. Final exams were right around the corner, and I spent every spare minute preparing. I was going in with all A’s, and I didn’t want to blow it. Tyler told me a surprise was waiting for me at the end of final exams. I figured it was a trip to Mexico. He made me get a passport earlier in the semester because he wanted to go. I just wasn’t sure whether we’d be going before Christmas or after.

     I did my best not to think about Christmas. I had written my grandmother a note to let her know that I had started college. I know that I had just disappeared one day, but I really figured she didn’t care. She sent a note back saying, “Thank you for letting me know. I hope you do well. Stephanie”

     The note itself was a shock, but the last part really surprised the hell out of me. I had ignored it, but as Christmas approached, I wondered whether I should go visit her. The bruises on my arms and legs had long healed, but the bruises to my soul just seemed to be eternally open wounds.

     With my last exam finished, I came back to the room and collapsed on the bed. I was mentally exhausted. The exams were not as difficult as I expected, but I had stressed myself with worry, extended hours of study, and not enough sleep. I nodded off almost immediately. It was almost supper time when Tyler woke me up.

     “We are going shopping for matching jackets and matching luggage.”

     The look on my face must have said it all, but that didn’t stop me. “Really? Matching jackets? Are we five?” But inside, I felt an extra tinge of happiness. My boyfriend and I were going to have matching jackets. Hey everybody, this guy is mine. We had to have matching hats, too, oh, yes. Matching Christmas sweaters sounded like a good idea as well.

     “Yes, really. It will be a subtle hint to everyone.”

     He was thinking the same thing I was. “Let’s have Chinese for dinner, the same place we went that first night.”

     “It’s a date. But I won’t order quite as much this time.”

     I laughed and kissed him.

     We had a wonderful time. Choosing a coat that we both liked was easy. We had similar ideas about what we wanted. Picking a hat was not quite as easy, but it was still fun. Once I convinced him we needed knit hats, we had to pick a color. I chose gray to match our coats; he picked red to contrast our coats. I changed to red because I really didn’t care; he wondered whether I was right and we should go with gray. I made the mistake of saying that gray is good too. He told me that he was still really leaning toward red. I solved the problem by promising to rim him for 30 minutes if he went with gray. We bought gray, but I’ve never been able to rim him that long. My tongue gets too tired.

     Dinner was great; it was delicious and very quiet; most people were doing on-line take-out or delivery. Tyler sprung the surprise on me right after we ordered. His father was taking us to France for Christmas. He had rented a house in Dorémy-la-Pucelle because his mother had always wanted to visit Joan of Arc’s birthplace.

     I wasn’t sure what to say. I kept looking at Tyler as I waited for more information. He finally raised his eyebrows and said, “What?”

     “I haven’t met your parents, but they invited me?”

     Tyler looked down at his soup. “I asked, and they said I could bring someone along.”

     “Me, specifically?”

     “Well, actually, I asked whether I could bring someone special along, and my mother sounded really excited.” He looked back at me. “She was really excited.”

     Very calmly, I filled in the details that were missing. “Let me clarify this. Stop me if I get something wrong.”

     Tyler nodded an OK.

     “You haven’t told your parents that you’re gay.” I paused. He said nothing.

     “You haven’t told your parents that you’re dating a super terrific person, namely me.” I paused again. He still said nothing.

     “Therefore, this someone special that they’re expecting will surprise them by being a gay boy instead of a straight girl.

     Tyler’s face tensed, and his eyes moistened. He still didn’t say anything.

     “Tyler, sweetheart. It’s OK.”

     “I know they’re going to figure it out when we show up,” Tyler said with an enthusiasm I didn’t quite understand.

     “Tyler, they probably already know; they’re just waiting for confirmation.”

     “What do you mean, they know?” He sounded incredulous. “Have you talked to them?”

     I smiled. “If you have a kid who’s gay, and you don’t know, it’s because you’re in denial.”

     “I think my brother suspects,” Tyler added.

     “And I think I’m losing this battle.” I smiled.

     “Were we fighting?” Tyler smiled back.

     Tyler and I had both tried to ignore the truth when we first realized it about ourselves. Neither of us had told anyone when we finally admitted it to ourselves. At this point in my life, there wasn’t anyone else to tell. It seemed as though Tyler had a whole family to tell. That was a bridge we’d cross holding hands.

     “Well, I’m excited. I’ve always wanted to go. And, I’ve been looking forward to meeting your family.” I had told the truth. I prepared myself, though, because, not knowing his family, I wasn’t sure what to expect.

     The smile on my face was genuine. No matter what, we’d be together, and that’s what it’s all about.

     * * *

     The travel time from Dallas to Paris is less than ten hours. The figure is deceiving. It doesn’t include the drive to Dallas. It doesn’t include arriving three hours early for international flights. It doesn’t include the wait in the plane because Dallas is having a rare December thunderstorm and flights are delayed.

     But we were sitting next to each other; the armrest was up, and Tyler’s grip crushed my hand. “Tyler, it’s ok; you’re actually hurting me.”

     He loosened his hold and looked up at me. It turns out my baby has a fear of flying. I looked out the window at the dark gray clouds and heavy rains. We couldn’t see the lightning from our side of the plane. We were parallel to the runway, and 787 just like ours had just landed. A nice crosswind was probably adding to the delays.

     We’d been waiting about thirty minutes when the captain announced clearance to take-off and the engines seem to spring to life. “It’s going to be a little bumpier than usual,” I told Tyler. The plane turned onto the runway without stopping, and we sank slightly into our seats as we accelerated down the runway. True to my word, the plane seemed to jerk up a few extra feet once we left the ground. About twenty seconds later, there was a sudden drop and the right-wing dropped a bit, but the plane kept climbing. A few seconds later, a lightning bolt illuminated the windows on the left side of the plane. There was a loud bang of thunder, and several people screamed.

     I put my hand on Tyler’s head and pulled it to my shoulder. “Just lightning and thunder,” I reassured him. The bumpy ride continued until we broke through the clouds. The plane leveled, and the engines grew slightly quieter. “We’ve got a road back home, called Miller Street, that’s way bumpier than that.”

     Tyler shook his head and rolled his eyes. I laughed a bit, and he smiled. I whispered in his ear, “Too bad there’s someone next to you.”

     “That wouldn’t stop you if you really love me.”

     “Is that so?” I put my hand on his knee and squeezed.

     The man next to Tyler leaned over. “When the lights go out later, you can play if you let me watch.”

     “What what?” Tyler asked him.

     “I can hold my blanket so it hides you. You two can fuck and be members of the Mile High Club.”

     Then with a slightly angry tone, Tyler asked, “Why would I fuck my own brother?”

     “Uh. Sorry.” The man turned away.

     I had to look out the window to keep from laughing.

     In a rather loud voice, Tyler said, “And you, brother dear. Don’t get any ideas. I love you, but not that much.”

     I had to clench my jaw to stifle my laughter.

     We were slightly late getting into Paris, but we were able to collect our suitcases without any problems. We took the RER to the Gare de l’est and bought tickets to Dorémy. We bought a little food to eat while on the train, and before we knew it, it was time to board the train. I sat next to the window again and took pictures with the camera that Tyler bought me for Christmas. I took pictures of everything. I had five sixty-four gig cards with me, enough for twenty-thousand pictures. Tyler kept telling me that we could come back on our own, but I didn’t want to leave anything to chance.

     We changed trains to a small one called an auto-rail, two cars and an engine, for the last leg of the trip. I was getting nervous. The scenery, if it’s possible, got more and more beautiful. Tyler texted his brother our ETA, and I got even more nervous. I was worried that Tyler would sense my concern, but he seemed oblivious. He was so excited to see his brother that I don’t believe he was aware of much else.

     The train stopped next to a tiny building. A man in his mid-twenties was walking up to the train from a car that was parked nearby. Tyler and I pulled our luggage off the train into the snow and had barely cleared the train when it took off. Tyler let go of his luggage and ran a few steps to a blond man in a red knit cap. They hugged, and Tyler pulled him in front of me.

     “Darwin, I want you to meet my brother, Scott.”

     “Nice to meet you.” I started to hold my hand out when Scott held me by the shoulders.

     We touched right cheeks; then, as his left cheek neared mine, he whispered, “Be careful around our father.”

     “This is my boyfriend Darwin.”

     Scott’s smile was warm and genuine. “It’s really good to meet you, Darwin.”

     Tyler grabbed his suitcase, and turning to face Scott, he said, “You don’t seem surprised.”

     “Actually, I am surprised.”

     Tyler stood up straight and stiffened.

     Scott continued, “I didn’t think you’d be able to get a boyfriend this good looking.”

     I laughed. “Both of you need glasses.”

     Tyler got teary-eyed. “I love you, Scott.”

     Scott hugged him. “I love you, too, little brother. Now let’s get this stuff in the car.”

     The drive to the house did not take very long. It was just outside of town on a slightly raised area. It was surrounded by deciduous trees whose bare branches gave it a really sad appearance. Scott parked the car near the door, and we pulled our matching luggage to the stoop. The door opened and a very pretty woman in her early forties greeted us. We stepped inside and stood there in our matching coats, matching gray hats, and matching luggage.

     The woman hugged Tyler, and before he had a chance to introduce me, a good-looking, but an overly serious man came down the main staircase. “Tyler, my boy.” He looked at me, and I could tell the muscles in his jaw got tense. “Where’s your girlfriend?”

     This was the moment I had dreaded. I closed my eyes and took a breath.

     “Really, Father.” The voice came from Tyler. “You cannot possibly expect me to believe that you thought I was straight.”

     His father said nothing; his eyes glared at Tyler.

     Tyler glared back.

     “Really, Richard.” His mother turned and smiled at me. “I’ve known since he was five.” The knowing look in her eyes told me that she was lying. I wasn’t sure what to say. They seemed to be playing a game, and I didn’t know the rules.

     Tyler spoke up again. “May I present to you your future son-in-law, Darwin Hill.”

     Tyler’s mother kissed my cheeks. “I’m Cindy.”

     “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I pulled off my hat and stepped toward his father. I put my hand forward. “It’s an honor to meet you.”

     “I’m sure it is,” came the reply, and he turned to go back up the stairs. The room became silent and icy.

     I turned to Tyler. “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

     Tyler’s mother smiled. “I like you already.”

     But I could read the disappointment in Tyler’s face; he had wanted his father’s approval.

     Even with that rough start and one other incident, it was the best Christmas I’d ever had. The countryside was beautiful; the little town was absolument merveilleuse. Christmas mass was meaningful; Christmas with the one you love is beyond compare. I didn’t take twenty-thousand pictures, but with the videos I took, I was on my third card when I packed my bags to leave.

     I had actually packed both bags and snapped them shut when Richard came in looking for Tyler. I wasn’t sure where he was and told the man so. He pointed his finger at me. “I know you’re kind, and you won’t last long.” He was waiting until the last minute for the showdown.

     His finger was still pointing at me, and I was still silent when Tyler came into the room. “What’s going on,” he demanded.

     “Your father needs to talk to you. I’ll let you talk in private.” I left the room. I did one last look around the house. I hoped to have a house like this one day, a home shared with someone I loved. By the time I got back to the room, Tyler was alone on the bed. I could tell that the conversation with his father upset him. “Want to talk about it?”

     “That man doesn’t love me.”

     Cindy walked into the room. “What did he do?” She looked at Tyler and then at me. Looking back at Tyler, she asked, “Tyler?”

     “He’s cut me off,” said Tyler looking at me, “because I won’t give you up. He said you’re just after his money, so he’s going to make sure you can’t get any.” Tyler’s face was getting red. “He told me that he won’t pay for the rest of college or anything else if I stay with you.” He turned to his mother. “Plus he said he would cut off anyone who helps me.” Tyler looked up at me again.

     “First of all, breathe. Everything’s going to be OK. We’ll work it out. I can get a part-time job and that with my scholarship money will be enough to get us through the rest of this school year. We’ll just tighten our belts a little bit, like no eating out. We can do it. We’ll look at next year and make a plan. No one’s going to stop us. I don’t care what I have to do to make sure you get your degree.”

     Tyler nodded. His mouth forced a smile.

     “We’ve got this, baby,” I told him. “We can do it.”

     Tyler’s mother left the room. Her heels clicked sharply on the floor. I could tell she was angry.

     I followed her to the door. “We’ve still got another hour before your brother takes us to the train.” I locked the door and turned to look at the man I loved.

     “Win?”

     I knelt down in front of him, held his waist, and kissed him. He kissed me back, and my dick got hard immediately. I pulled him to me; his legs spread, and his ass was barely on the edge of the bed. I felt his cock stiffen against my belly. He grabbed my head and held it as his tongue plunged into my mouth. “I love you so much,” I gasped.

     I reached down and struggled to unfasten his belt and undo the button of his pants. He let go of my head and helped me. I pushed him onto his back and pulled his pants and underwear off. His hard cock stood straight up, and the head glistened with precum. I bent forward and shoved the entire shaft into my mouth. My nose was buried in the dark pubic hair above his cock. The head of his dick just touched my throat. I no longer gagged when I took his entire member into my mouth. I rubbed his penis with my tongue while keeping my lips pressed against his body.

     Tyler punched the bed with his fists as I continued to massage his dick with my tongue and sucked even harder. While I always got a thrill watching Tyler cum, or having him cum while my dick was inside him, I got a deep satisfaction when I could swallow his seed. I heard him whispering, “I need you inside me,” but I didn’t stop. I could sense he was close by the tension in his legs. That was followed by a slight arch of his back. I began to move my lips up and down his shaft. I tried to suck harder, but I was at the maximum negative pressure that I could manage. I would need to stop and take some deep breaths if he didn’t cum soon. Then his whole body stiffened, and his hips thrust up. His cum filled my mouth; I swallowed as much as I could. He thrust again, and I swallowed. I continued sucking as my lips sealed around his cum slit. I used my hand to force any remaining cum from his dick and into my mouth.

     My lover stared at the ceiling. He was on his back and breathing as though he had just run a marathon. I ran my tongue over his ass, and he moaned. I pushed some of his cum up into him and then pressed my raging hard-on against his hole. I could feel his sphincter muscle quiver against the head of my dick, but my dick won and began a slow entry into him. I felt him take control. His ass muscles relaxed as I slid in and then gripped slightly as I pulled out.

     Sliding his arms around my chest and wrapping his legs up and over my lower back, Tyler lifted himself off the bed. I moved forward and completely onto the bed without having my cock slide out of him. We moved like synchronized swimmers. Although we had only been together for a few months, I knew him, and he knew me. Our lovemaking was no longer a cacophony of movements. We were a symphony. My movements into him received a response that increased both my pleasure and his.

     Although my lips explored the same face day after day, it was as fresh as the first time. Just kissing Tyler made my dick swell. Kissing him while penetrating deep within him was ecstasy. He moved his hips in rhythm with mine, and as I neared climax, he moved his hands to my ass cheeks and pulled me closer to him. My body shuddered as I released my seed into him. He squeezed my cheeks and breathed a “Yes”. I wanted to stay like that forever, our bodies united, our love shared. I knew at that moment that nothing could tear us apart.

     “I can’t even find words to tell you how much I love you,” I told him.

     “Please, don’t ever leave me.”

     “I won’t. Nothing could ever make me.”

     “Promise,” he begged.

     “I promise.”

---

     It began to hail a little harder, bringing me back to the present. The Trans-Am was still stopped at the end of the driveway.

     He made me promise, I said angrily. I started to cry. Why didn’t I make him promise?