Teenage Love & Angst

Teenage Angst

I sat and stared, watching the raindrops wend their way down the outside of the window. They never took a straight path, never a consistent speed, always turning this way and that, speeding up and slowing down, joining with other droplets as they made their way down. 

I found the sound of rain calming, like white noise in the background. If I focussed, I could blank out the other kids and just hear the rain. I liked it better that way. 

I was cruelly yanked out of my daydream as the realisation that the teacher was calling my name hit home.  The other kids laughed.  I sat up straight and looked toward the front of the classroom. “Sir….?” I said, my voice sounding weak in my own ears. 

“If I can drag you away from your slumber, young man….” He said.  He expended some air making fun of me for “drifting off” in his class, making some of the other kids laugh again, before he asked me a question to which I had no answer. He shook his head and within minutes his voice had reduced to a droning, nasal wah-wah-wah sound that buzzed at the back of my head, and I returned my attention to anything but biology theory. 

It was biology practice that I wanted. And the object of my deepest desire was right there, at the front of the class, three desks over on the right. He had his back to the wall, leaning back with his legs crossed out in front of him, one arm casually on his desk, the other draped over the back of his chair.  It was like he was holding court.  He was both paying attention and able to look around the room to survey his domain. 

Beck was popular, of course. One of the super-cool kids from the right side of town. A magnet for anyone who wanted to be anyone. The teacher wouldn’t reprimand him for slouching or whatever. Aside from the status afforded to him by his wealthy parents, he was an ace student in just about every subject.  

But more than any of those things, he was so, so heartbreakingly handsome. His jet black hair, parted to the side, was always immaculate but with a little touch of windswept.  His complexion was clear, his teeth gleaming and his smile bright and framed with lips that I longed to have on mine. And his eyes…. Oh god, they melted me from the inside out.  A crystal blue colour that seemed to shine with an inner twinkle, like he was always thinking something naughty.  Amazing. 

The bell rang and he stood first. He was tall, with long athletic legs and a tight butt in those designer trousers. He had a broad chest and shoulders that strained at his white school shirt. I’d love to run my hands over those shoulders, down his arms, to have him hold my hands in his, where our fingers could link before he kissed…..

“Simon!” The teacher’s voice cut through the noise of chairs scraping on the floor and people grabbing bags and coats and the general chatter of kids leaving the classroom.  “A minute of your time, please.”

I remained seated. There was some laughter from somewhere. The classroom emptied quickly and Sir closed the door, turned, and looked over at me with sad, pitying eyes. 

“Simon, you’re fifteen and your exams will be here quicker than you seem to think. I know you’re finding it hard to settle, but we have to do something to break through this malaise……”  I tried to pay attention as I got the usual “talk” but as I’d heard it a lot in the last month, I let it wash over me. 

It was the same every time.  What can we do to help you make some friends here? Are you being bullied? I could pair you up with someone if that would help? Maybe you should sit down at the front next time? If we can’t bump your grades up we’ll need to involve your parents. I am going to need you to try a little harder or you’ll never achieve your potential…. That kind of thing. There was usually something in there about me being a smart kid, how I just needed to focus, and how was there for me, and on my side. 

I nodded my way through it. I agreed. I offered no resistance and I apologised and agreed I would do better.  Again. 

I hoisted my rucksack over my shoulder and left, walking wearily down the corridor towards the main entrance to my school. 

I say “my school”. It wasn’t mine at all. We moved here before Christmas, so I joined right in the middle of the school year. I had no friends here and I didn’t want any. I didn’t want to be here. I had never wanted to move. But what I wanted didn’t factor at home, because “I’m a kid and I don’t get a say”.  

I had chosen to make zero effort as my personal protest. In my teenage angst I figured that would show them. Trouble was, I was now making zero effort and had become lost in the most overwhelming feelings for a boy named Beck.  A boy… I just didn’t understand how that could be. It had crept up on me, stalked me and then bitten me like a vampire.  Gayness.  

And it wasn’t like it was just lust. I mean, I did lust after him. I wanked off thinking about him and nothing else any more.  I wanted those arms around me. I wanted him to hold me tight. I wanted his lips on mine.  I wanted his hands where mine were…. But it was more.  My heart ached for him. I would catch a glimpse of him and I’d literally stop in my tracks, incapable of movement. If I caught his eye I’d blush and my insides would fizz.  

But it was worse even than that. I slowly realised that this wasn’t some passing fantasy where we’d touch and kiss and maybe bring each other off. Oh no, nothing so simple and teenage. I remember the first time it hit me and I felt sick and confused and angry all at once.  No, I wasn’t just having a cute boy experience driven by hormones and the lack of any pussy-action, I actually wanted him inside me.  I wanted to lay on my front while he fucked me. Real gay stuff. 

At first I blamed the move, because I wasn’t fucking gay before we came here!  Then I told myself it was a passing phase to piss of my dad (the logic of that being a bit weird, as I would never have told him). I considered that maybe I was bi, the best of both worlds… but no.  Slowly, like a creeping shadow in a horror movie, it became overwhelmingly obvious. 
 

I caught my bus and went home where I shut myself in my room, jerked off twice, failed to do any homework, and then went to bed too late. 

Encounter

It was another wet day. The weather was awful at the moment, reflecting my increasingly dark mood. It had been a short walk to the bus stop, but far enough that I had gotten soaked to the skin.  I was standing in the bus shelter that offered temporary relief from the rain, lamenting how shitty my day had been. 

I heard a shuffle of feet on the pavement and I looked up, startled.  And there he was. 

He was soaked too, his perfect dark hair dripping down over his eyes. His shirt was soaked and I could see the pink of his skin beneath the fabric. He was grinning, as usual. Even drenched and alone he seemed happy, cool, and drop-dead gorgeous. 

“Hey” he said with nod. “It’s Si, right…?” He asked.  He voice was deep, deeper than mine.  A really manly voice.  It sent reverberations through me that I can’t explain. 

I blushed, nodded.  No-one ever called me Si, but it could be a thing from now on.  I was okay with that.  He could call me Si, that was for sure. 

“Well, Si, I’m in a bit of shit.  My mum’s car broke down and she texted to say I need to get a lift or get the bus home. I was….er….otherwise engaged when the text came, so I missed the chance to grab a lift.”

He looked at me, grinned again and shrugged. He obviously felt that I should understand his predicament but to be honest I didn’t.  And to be very honest my head was fuzzy and my brain had ceased to function. Beck was here and actually talking to me!  He had sapped all rational thought from me and was gradually turning me into a melting pool of hormones. 

Beck frowned, causing his nose to wrinkle, which was cute as hell.  He realised I didn’t understand, taking my blank look for confusion rather than anything else. “I’ve never been on a bus before…?” He said by way of explanation.  There was a pause and then he offered more, to complete the picture. “And I hate to say it, but I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing!” And he laughed, which was the sound sound I’d heard all day.  

I tried really hard not to faint at the concept of Beck talking to me. I got a bit light headed when I realised he was asking for help from me, too.  

“Hey, you okay….?” He asked, looking concerned. 

“Yeah…..why?” I said in a thin, weedy voice.

“You don’t look so well” he said. He put his hand out and touched my shoulder. To him it was a natural gesture to steady me, to offer support, a thing the bros would do.  To me, it was an electric shock and I almost came in my pants. 

“Oh…. I’m….” I thought quickly, needing to say something, to appear normal, to avoid thinking too much about him so I didn’t get an erection.  “I’m okay, just tired, y’know?  Long day. Not enough sleep….”  As I said it I figured I sounded like a complete fucking moron, but his grin seemed to have returned. 

“I get that.” He said. “Up all night looking at porn, huh….” He said with a wink.  

I blushed to a ripe crimson colour. 

“Oh….!  I see I’m not far off the mark!” He said with a little laugh.  God, he was so handsome when he laughed.  If only he knew….

I shrugged.  I needed to change the subject before I blurted out that I was up all night thinking about him.  And knowing my luck, I’d probably say that just because it was right at the front of my mind now. And then my life would be over. 

“Where d’you live?  I get the bus all the time coz I’m a saddo. I’ll show you” I said. I was trying to play it cool, but I knew I was far from cool. 

“I’m over in Grange Park” he said, and I nodded.  Of course he was.  The most expensive houses in the town.  “And you’re not a saddo.” 

“I go past there!” I said, like an excited kid.  Fuck, I was so dumb.  “I can show you!”  It took a full ten seconds before I realised he’d said I wasn’t sad, and by then he was already talking again and I missed my opportunity.

Beck grinned again.  “You’re a life saver!” He said. 

He chatted amiably to me while we waited and gradually he teased me out of myself.  We talked a bit about computer games and music. Nothing deep, just two fifteen year olds talking about nothing much.  The chat continued on the bus, where he sat next to me.  When we got to Grange Park he got up and walked to the front of the bus.  He glance back and in a raised voice he called “Cheers, Si.  Owe you one mate!” And he was gone. 

I missed my stop that day. My brain melted the moment I no longer had to think about small talk. I replayed the conversation we’d had approximately seven million times, looking for any chink that might let me in.  I kept coming back to “you’re not a saddo”.  He didn’t have to say that.  It was nice. 

I had to walk home in the rain from two stops away, an erection in my underwear that wouldn’t go away.

Electric Shock

Sunday started bright and sunny and I decided to walk into town to the comic book store.  The rest of the week had been business as usual, with the only difference being that Beck said hi when we were in a class together. Nothing more than that, just a nod, a wave, and a “hi” before he sat down.

I had barely slept all week. Every time I closed my eyes I saw his, staring back at me.  I had fantasised about every possible alternative ending to our encounter the other day, from me following him off the bus and us getting together, to him staying on the buss and coming home with me and us getting together, to us getting together on the bus.  It was fair to say that my dick ached from the number of times I had stroked off under the covers. And I still wanted more. 

I needed some air and to think. By this time I was sure I was going gay. Even the really hot girls in school did absolutely nothing for me.  I had spent hours trawling straight porn to cure myself, only to find that I was watching the guys, not the girls.  I switched to lesbian action only to find that it bored me, and my mind wandered back to fantasies of Beck and me. I started to finger myself while I jerked off and twice now I had gone hunting for something bigger to shove up there while I imagined Beck pushing my legs back and thrusting into me.  And that reminded me, I needed to buy a new toothbrush after I had been to the comic book store. 

I rounded a corner in the old part of town to find three of the worst people walking toward me. I wouldn’t say they were my bullies, but it was a close-run thing.  They didn’t typically pick on me because my responses were so boring, which took all the sport out of it for them, but I knew they were a rough little gang and they enjoyed being spiteful. 

I could see them nudging one another. There was some whispering and then some laughter.  They were far enough away that I couldn’t hear them, but when one of them shouted “get him” and they all started to run at me, I didn’t have to be a genius to know I was in trouble. 
 

Adrenaline kicked in immediately and I ran full pelt down a side street.  I could hear them behind me but I was quick and motivated.  I bolted over a high fence, darted down an alley, and then climbed a high chainlink fence into a builder’s yard. I ran to find a place to hide, hoping I had made it over the fence before they saw where I’d gone. I fought with myself to keep my breathing quiet. 

I was crouched down in a gap between pallet loads of house bricks. I could hear them looking for me, on the other side of the fence. “He can’t have gone far” someone said. I knew it wouldn’t take them long to realise I had scaled the fence and I was just thinking about what to do if they thought to look in here when I heard a familiar voice. 

“Fuck’s sake you three, grow up.”  

It was a deep voice. There was some authority there. It was someone who was confident, who wasn’t intimidated, not even by these three clowns.  That was unusual around these three especially when they were together. 

There was some more talking but it was quieter now so I couldn’t hear. There was some joking. Then the voices began to move away, fading in volume until they were gone. I sighed deeply. I felt like a fool for running, a real wimp.  But I wasn’t some tough guy who was going to take on three bullies.  I’d have had to put up with being mercilessly teased and pushed around at best, or maybe taken a kicking at worst. No, I had done the right thing. 

I stood up between the stacks of bricks where I had been hiding. I dusted myself off. Then I froze as I heard the familiar sounds of someone climbing the fence, dropping down, walking my way. 

“It’s okay, they’ve fucked off” 

It was Beck. It had been his voice. His extreme confidence. Suddenly he was right there, rounding the stack of bricks and meeting my gaze with his. He grinned at me. 

“How did you…..” I began, but my heart was racing again. I realised how foolish I must seem, to have run away like I did. And now Beck knew I had been a total pussy. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole. 

“I saw you scamper over the fence in here just before those three assholes came around the corner. I figured you could use some help, so I helped. They think they’re big tough guys, but they’re just stupid bullies really. All mouth. Mac knows I can have him.”  He grinned some more.  He wasn’t idly boasting, just telling it like it was: in a fight, Beck would kick ass.  So Beck had seen them off. He’d rescued me. 

“But……” I said in a quiet voice, suddenly unsure of myself.  I found I wanted to cry, the fight-or-flight emotions being taken over by feeling silly and sorry for myself, compounded by the warm and gooey emotions that I always felt when Beck was in the vicinity.  I just didn’t understand why he would go out of his way to help me out, and I found myself blurting out, “But why….?”

Beck stepped forward. He was in the little alleyway formed between the stacks of bricks now, a foot away from me. His grin had gone and his eyes were shining at me.  I had stopped breathing.  Something was happening and I was too stupid to know what.  I just knew everything was suddenly different. I stared at my trainers, not able to look him in the eyes.

Beck raised his hand and gently took hold of my chin, raising my face up.  He took another half-step forward and then somehow, his lips were on mine. 

My world exploded. All I could see was colour. My insides churned and turned to goo and my pulse thumped in my ears. Between my legs I tingled and fizzed in a way that had never happened before. 

Then his lips were gone. He grinned again, but he suddenly looked shy and insecure and oh, my god, he looked adorable. He was like a lost puppy and I wanted to hold him close, but I couldn’t. I was in abject shock. I was staring, my mouth open, my eyes wide, my hands limp at my sides.  

My reaction probably wasn’t what he’d hoped for. He seemed on the verge of tears before he winked at me. “Be careful, okay?” He said as he turned and left. I heard him scale the fence. Heard to drop to the other side.  Heard him running, running away from me. 

I don’t know how long I stood there, but it was a while.  I wasn’t even sure what had just happened.  I started to convince myself I had imagined it. 

I looked down at the bulge in the front of my jeans, a bulge that wasn’t going anywhere soon. Then it started to rain. 

“Fuck.” I said.

First Time

There were some more days at school, some time went by.  I don’t know how much. Time had ceased to mean anything. My whole life was taken up with Beck’s lips on mine. With every minutia of detail. The warmth. The electric energy. His touch. How I failed to respond in any meaningful way. 

My lack of desire to concentrate turned into a lack of any ability to think about anything else and I got in trouble a few times. I turned the situation over in my head a billion times but I still had no idea what any of it meant. 

Did straight boys just sometimes kiss other boys….?

Had I missed that in the teenage boy manual….?

Of course, I never considered the concept that maybe he liked me.  That was just stupid. 

A few weeks went past like that.  The weather improved immeasurably. After a hot week of school I stood at the bus stop, sweaty, frustrated, lost in my own world of pain and hurt and teenage anxiety. 

I heard a shuffle of feet and, startled, I glanced up.  And there he was, a sheen of sweat across his perfect face. His steely eyes were as bright as ever and they were piercing my soul. 

“I need to get the bus again” he said with a slight grin, his head tilted a little to one side. 

I couldn’t speak again.  I was watching his lips. I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I nodded, just slightly.

He shuffled a bit.  He seemed nervous.  “Mum and dad’s anniversary today. They’re out tonight. I…. Offered to get the bus so they could go out for dinner.” He said. 

Did he sound less confident than usual?  And he wasn’t perpetually grinning.  In fact, If I didn’t know better I’d have thought he seemed unsure of himself for the first time ever. 

“So that’s what they’re doing.  They’re going out….” He added. 

I nodded again. I knew I was staring but I actually didn’t care. I was sure it was obvious that I was lost in his eyes, but I didn’t care about that either.  Fuck it, I thought, just kiss me again will you….?

“So, they’re out” he said. 

I nodded again.  I wanted him to pull me close. To press his lips to mine…  

“So, I’ll be alone.” He said. He shuffled his feet again, now obviously nervous. But I wasn’t picking up on the clues here. 

I just nodded once more and a tiny bead of sweat trickled down my temple. 

“So…maybe you want to come back to mine…..?”

My eyes went so wide I’m surprised they didn’t pop out of their sockets. Suddenly I saw. I nodded quickly and without thinking, just a reaction.  He grinned, taking that as a definitive yes. 

“Back to…..” I started, trying to make sure I had got this right.  Because I had probably misunderstood. His grin dropped away, suddenly thinking that I wasn’t yet completely sold. 

“Only if you…. If you want?” He said.  He was a puppy again.  An adorable dark-haired Labrador puppy. 

A loud voice boomed in my head like a sergeant major. “What the fuck are you waiting for?” It bellowed.  I nodded.  I nodded again. I kept nodding like I couldn’t stop and then I grinned and then I burst out laughing at how stupid I looked, despite nodding all the while.

He laughed too. He face was flooded with relief. 

We were silent on the bus ride.  He got up to get off and I just followed, in a daze. We walked silently together, side by side, along the path to his house.  There was a palpable tension building between us. We both knew what we wanted but neither of us were mature enough to talk about it.  So it grew in the silence until it was almost unbearable. 

I watched him fumble in his pocket for his key. I willed him to hurry up. I watched him unlock the front door and hold it open for me.  I walked inside and the door closed behind me.  

I turned, and he was on me. 

His hands were in my hair and all over my face.  He was standing in my space with his body touching my body, pushing me back. His lips were pressed firmly to mine and then I felt his tongue snake into my mouth.  I parted my lips and let him kiss me that way and I responded, relishing in the hot passion. It was so fast and so full of desire. 

I reached up tentatively and I touched his face. He placed his hand over mine and suddenly everything was slower, more sensuous. Our kiss was wet and slick, our lips gliding over each other’s. He placed his other hand behind my head, dropped it down to the nape of my neck, pulling me in tight.  I could feel my pulse rushing. My skin was on fire, goosebumps flashing all over me.  I was already hard, straining at the fabric of my underwear. I felt that he was too. I could hardly breathe. 

He pulled away slowly and gently, his eyes locked on mine. I was grateful that his hands were still on me, holding me in place, because with one notable exception I felt like jelly. 

“Can we…. Shall we….” He began, his voice almost a whisper.  I hoped beyond hope that I knew what he was going to say and for once in my miserable life something up there smiled down on me.  “Do you want to go up to my r……”

“Yes!” I said, my voice louder than I intended. Oh god, one thousand times yes!  

He smiled and I giggled. He took my hand and rush up the stairs, towing me along behind him.  We ran along the hallway and crashed into his bedroom. 

I took a deep breath and took in the smell of him, of his room.  It was intoxicating. I looked around. It was a cool room, of course. He had a double bed with bright red sheets that seemed both cool and sexy to me.  That was as much as I could take in before he was there again, leading with his lips, and I lost myself in another hot and passionate kiss that I never wanted to end. 

Gradually everything began to speed up again.  Our slippery passion was becoming urgent. His nervous fingers were at my shirt, unbuttoning, trailing his fingertips across my skinny chest.  I reciprocated. I was on autopilot, just copying him. 

I pushed his shirt over his shoulders and down his arms, mesmerised by his chest and torso.  He was more defined than me, maybe more mature-looking. There was a little hair on his chest and a snail-trail of dark hair that ran from his navel to down below the waistband of his school trousers.  

He wriggled out of his shirt and let it drop to the floor before ripping mine off me.  He stopped to look at me and I blushed, thinking my skinny body didn’t compare. But to him it did. He got that twinkle in his eye and he pushed me back on his bed and climbed up on top of me. Straddling me, he bent low and sucked on my nipple, and I squealed with delight. He bit me and I moaned. He switched sides and it was all I could do to keep from coming in my pants.  

Then he was kissing me again, his hands running up and down my torso like hot fire on my skin.  I was breathing heavily already and when he kissing my chin, then my neck, then my chest and then even lower, I thought my heart would explode in my chest. 

Lower he went, his tongue and lips on me all the way down.  He got to my fly and he stopped. He flicked open the fastening and pulled my zipper down. He grabbed a handful of my trousers and pulled, sliding them down and revealing my underwear. He placed a hand on the bulge there, on my hard cock fighting to get free. I literally gasped. 

He kissed me just below my belly button and then he ran his tongue down a little further to the waistband of my trunks. He lifted the elastic up and over my penis, allowing it to stand fully erect. I flexed my hips, a natural reaction, trying to push it toward something, anything….

Then my eyes rolled back in my head as he pushed his mouth over the head of my cock. I felt the warmth and wetness of his mouth engulf me and I moaned long and loud. 

Beck bobbed his head up and down, sucking me, licking me, pushing my dick into his cheek and then running his tongue around the head. 

I saw colours again. An explosion of rainbow around me.  Here I was, a skinny, fairly average lad on his back on the coolest kid’s bed, my cock in his mouth.  Here I was being sucked off.  Me.  I could scarcely believe this was real. 

I needed more.  

I somehow found the will to break free.  I shuffled around and fumbled with his fly and yanked his trousers down and off. There he was, dressed only in white socks and white boxer-briefs.  He looked like a porn star but I had no time to study them like I wanted to. I yanked them down too and I freed his beautiful cock.  

It stood to attention for me, a good size with a perfectly shaped head that was leaking juices from the tip.  His pubes were trimmed and neat, his perfect balls hanging low. It was so manly, and so wonderful. 

I pushed Beck down onto his back and I gobbled his cock down.  I licked and sucked and did everything he’d done for me. I nibbled on it and I played with his balls and I stuck the tip of my tongue in his pee hole. 

He moaned in a way that I just adored. Then he grappled with me, turning me, manoeuvring me so that I was straddled over his head.  He pulled my school trousers off my legs and while I sucked on him, he sucked on me. 

Everything was wonderful, glorious even. I was sure that nothing in the world could ever be better than this, that this was the pinnacle of….well, of everything. 

And then his hands began to snake up my thighs.  His fingertips explored around my legs, to my buttocks.  Then I felt his hands begin to come together, running over my bottom to the centre. I shivered. There was only one thing where his hands were going and the anticipation of what he might do, what he might touch, was both agony and ecstasy. 

The sensation of his finger lightly brushing my anus was like nothing I had ever experienced.  It was ice and fire. It was electricity. My pulse went from fast and furious to wild and uncontrollable and my skin tingled and fizzed. 

I whimpered out loud and he moaned in appreciation. 

Now both hands were there.  Two sets of fingers touching my hole, caressing, prodding, rubbing, pushing, pulling, driving me insane.

I had to get off him. I had to get my cock out of his mouth because in that moment I knew I’d come if I didn’t move right away.  He looked at me in shock, wondering if he’d gone too far.  My cock was drooling with pre-cum. He stared down at it and then at me, right in my eyes.  Then I could see that he understood. 

He pushed me down on the bed, face first, and he moved behind me.  He got between my legs and spread them, and then he pulled my cheeks apart with both hands and he pushed his face into my crack. 

I almost cried.  It was too much pleasure.  It was too good.  I started to wonder if I had died and this was heaven. 

I felt his thumb at my entrance, pushing and probing while he licked me there.  I felt the tip of his thumb slide in and I whimpered again. I forced myself to relax, to let him explore me.  Every nerve ending was focussed on the sensations in my bottom. 

Then his mouth was gone and I wanted to protest. 

He fumbled around for something then came back and I felt something wet and sticky on my hole.  Then he fingered it into me and I realised he had used some lube.  His middle finger slid inside me so easily, and it felt so absolutely fucking amazing. I pushed up with my hips, opening up my buttocks and giving him easier access. 

Now two fingers. 

My breathing had become shallow, rapid, almost like I was hyperventilating.  He kissed my buttock.  “Relax, okay?” He said softly.  

I took a deep breath and my head swam.  I took another and another and I relished in his fingers probing inside me.  

“Can I…….?” He began.   He couldn’t say the words, but I knew. 

“Yes” I said. It was quiet. The word repeated in my head over and over and over.  

The fingers were gone, and he was climbing into position and guiding himself to me.  It was clumsy, inexperienced. It was perfect.  

I reached back. I took hold of his hard penis, leaving his hand free to hold his weight.  I guided it to my hole.  I was nervous, but I knew what I wanted. In fact, I had never wanted anything quite as much as this and damn whatever came after. 

I felt the head of his cock right there. I kept hold of him as he began to push, his weight bearing down on me.  I took my hand away. I gripped the bedsheet in front of me and took a breath. 

“Tell me if….” He said, trailing off.  I knew what he meant.  It was so sweet. 

He pushed down on me and I felt my anus opening to accommodate him. It hurt a little, stinging because something as big as a penis was being pushed into me.  I remember everything about that sensation. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. 

Suddenly he was in.  I sighed.  I took some breaths as he stopped and waited. I could feel the tension, which was palpable.  He was desperate to carry on and I knew it.  

Eventually I felt like I was ready to push back on him. That was his cue to press down on me.  I felt the shaft slide inside me, his flesh on mine. In a few seconds he was all the way in, deep inside, his neatly trimming pubic hair tickling the sensitive skin on my bottom. He flexed a little, brought his head down to my neck and kissed me.  

“You’re so good” he said in a whisper. I turned a little and our lips met. He thrust with his hips, pulled back, thrust again. I moaned. It felt strange and new and alien, but it was good. And it was getting better.  The more he moved about, the better it was getting.  I pushed my bottom up and moaned some more into our kisses. 

Without words I told him to fuck me, and he did. 

I moaned with his every thrust, the air forced from my lungs making the the most sexual sound. He gripped my upper arms with his strong hands and ground against me, alternating between kissing my lips and my neck.  

This was meant to be.  It all seemed to fit. It was so wonderful. 

“I need to come soon….” He said in a strained voice. 

“Please....inside me…..I want to feel…..” I replied in broken sentences.  I had heard that  you could feel your partner ejaculating inside you, and I wanted that.  I wanted to feel his cum being shot into me. I wanted the perfect ending to this first time. 

He grunted, breathing heavily as he thrust into me. I was a little sore, but I wanted more.  He became robotic, pushing in, grinding, out, in, grind…. I wanted to yell out, to shout “harder!” but I didn’t have the confidence. 

“Oh god!” He exclaimed.  “Oh god…..oh god……” 

“Yeah….do it….. cum!” I said, urgency in my voice. 

“Oh god.…oh god….oh god…oh god…oh god..oh god..oh god.ohgodddddddd” he said. He ground down on me and I felt him grow inside me.  I could feel his penis pushing at my guts. Then, like an explosion of wetness and heat, I felt him cum. And again.  And again.  The head of his cock pulsed and throbbed and pumped his seed into me. He came and came and I wondered if he’d ever stop. 

I couldn’t stop grinning. 

Eventually he collapsed down on me.  I giggled and he did too.  Before I could say anything he was pulling out of me, leaving me gaping and leaking. He rolled me onto my back and he kissed me deeply and passionately before darting down to take my now soft cock in his mouth.  

He sucked me hard and bobbed up and down on me.  I went to push him away but he caught my hand with his, entwining his fingers with mine with his continued to jerk me off with his mouth. 

“But.....” I said, and he interrupted with a loud “Mmmmmmm”.

“I’m going to…..”

“Mmmmmmm….”

I cried out as I came, the most powerful orgasm of my short life so far.  I could see cum leaking from his mouth, dripping back down my shaft and into my pubes, but he swallowed and he kept going until I was so sensitive that I had to push his head away. 

He sat back on his heels, and dribble off my cum on his chin. He was grinning like the village idiot, his cock still semi-hard and drooling. Post-sex he looked every bit as hot as he did before we started. 

He lay down next to me, his arm over me. He pulled me in and we cuddled, our sweaty bodies touching from tip to toe.  He’d occasionally move in for a kiss, sometimes nibble my ear, or maybe run his hand from my nipple to my groin and back again. 

It was bliss. 

After maybe ten or fifteen minutes had passed, my angsty brain started to question everything again.  I plucked up the courage to confront it. I shuffled onto my side, face-to-face with the boy who’d fucked away my virginity in the best possible way. 

He put his hand on my cheek and gently caressed me. But I couldn’t be distracted. 

“I don’t understand….. why me?” I asked. 

He looked surprised.  He propped himself up on an elbow and looked down on me. “What do you mean….?” He asked. 

I thought for a second, momentarily lost in those eyes.  “I mean, you’re the super-cool rich kid and everyone likes you.  You have a ton of girlfriends.  You’re popular.  I’m just…..”

“You’re just fucking gorgeous” he said with a broad smile and a naughty twinkle. 

“Me….?” I blurted.  Was he taking the piss?

He kissed me. He gently bit my lip and then licked it better.  My heart skipped.  “Yeah, you” he said. 

I went to speak but somehow nothing came out.  I was like a fish, my lips and jaw moving soundlessly.  

He laughed, rolling onto his back and finding my state of confusion absolutely hilarious. I propped myself up on my elbow, an I looked down on him with a frown. 

“Don’t be cross at me” he said. He stopped laughing, but he was still smiling.  “I have fancied you since you got here.  I tried to get you to notice me, but you seemed to stay away from me.  I even sit with my back to the wall so I can look at you, but you just stare out of the window.  Then you helped me get the bus and I knew I had to find a way or I’d regret it forever.”

My mouth was moving again, but I appeared to have forgotten how to form words. 

“When I saw off Mac and his mates, I figured I could make a move and see what happens.  But you looked so shocked that I wondered if maybe….”

“I was shocked…. But only because…..”

He grinned. I shut up.  “Yeah, I figured….eventually” he said.  “I’m a bit slow sometimes. So I figured I’d give it another go. And here we are……”

We just looked into each other’s eyes for a while.  It was nice.  

“Yeah here we are” I said. I wondered if this was love.  I wondered if he loved me. Or maybe it was just sex.  

“I want to see you more.  But I just…. I don’t know…..”

I understood immediately.  I didn’t know either.  I kissed him while I took a second to think. “Look, this whole liking boys thing has hit me hard.  And just so you know, when I’m staring out the window I’m thinking of you.  I’m always thinking of you. But it’s confusing……”

“Yeah I know, it is… right…?” He said. It was so earnest. He was feeling the same as me, and suddenly I was not alone. 

“So why don’t we see how it goes?” I said. “If you want to, I mean….?” I added, suddenly unsure of myself again. 

“Of course I want to!” He said.  “You’re….everything to me.  I have dreamed about this for months. I can’t believe you feel the same way!”

It was my turn to laugh now, long and hard.  He playfully punched me.  “What’s so funny?” He asked, a little hurt. 

I rolled him onto his back again and I straddled him, kissed him, lay on top of him so our junk was touching.  “What’s funny is that I have been fantasising about you and thinking you’re way too cool for me, and all the while you’ve been thinking about me.” 

“I’ve been more than thinking about you, Si.  I can’t get your body out of my mind - sorry, but it’s true.  And I think it’s maybe more than that…..”

I kissed him again, trying hard not to cry.  “Yeah. More.” I said softly. 

“So we see how it goes…?” He asked tentatively.  “But is it okay if we keep it to….”

“Just between us, for now.” I finished for him. I was relieved, elated, and utterly drained all at once. 

We lay there for a while and then we got up and we showered together, which was amazing. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.  We kissed every ten seconds.  

Eventually we got dressed. He walked me to the bus stop and before I got on the bus, playing it cool like we were just mates, he leaned closer and said…

“See you tomorrow, boyfriend….”

My heart just melted at that. I was a puddle of goo. He waited there until the bus pulled away. 

I couldn’t wait to see what came next, but judging by the sensations in my underwear it was going to be me…. Just as soon as I got home! 

~~THE END~~

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