Pride, Prejudice, and Porn

Part 13

By then we’d reached the gym. “C’mon, let’s get started,” said Fitz. “I’ll show you around.”  

The gym wasn’t huge, but seemed very up-to-date and well equipped, and indeed had a sauna and jacuzzi as well as a shower area with several private stalls. Fitz showed me the different machines and equipment and made sure the sauna and jacuzzi were switched on so we could use them after working out. 

After my earlier flirtatious comment on his shoulders Fitz began his routine working on them. I got on the treadmill for a warm up jog. By the time I got off the machine and started my stretches Fitz was busy on a chest machine. When I finished stretching Fitz was lying on his back doing bench presses. I watched, somewhat agape, at the amount of weight he was pumping! No wonder he had muscles on his muscles! 

“Fitz,” I asked, “when you finish would you give me some help on weight training? I haven’t really done much of it so I need some suggestions and pointers.”

“Sure,” Fitz grunted. “Let me finish up here and I’ll give you a hand.” Soon he’d completed his routine and wiped down the bench for me to use. He took most of the weights he was using off the bar. “OK, let’s try this,” he said. “This shouldn’t be too heavy for you, but enough to help you put on a little extra muscle and definition. You don’t need to look bulky. You just don’t want to look skinny! So lie down here. I’ll spot you, just in case I guesstimated these weights wrong.”

I was glad he did. The weight on the bar probably seemed like nothing to him, but it was definitely more than I had been pumping at the university gym and I was also out of practice. I suddenly found myself completely distracted, though. Fitz was crouched low over my face to spot me and I found myself unexpectedly staring up the left leg of his cut off sweat shorts, where something that looked like a pink softball was dangling just inches above me! Apparently he was going commando! “Jesus,” I thought to myself. “No wonder he looks like he’s got a basketball squashed into the crotch of his jeans!” 

It became too distracting for words as I tried to complete the reps. “Fitz, that’s it for now.” I gasped. “I’ve gotta get back into shape doing this. It’s been a while.” He grabbed the bar and put it back in the rack. “Thanks. I might need a little less weight the next time. And I was getting distracted there and losing concentration.”

Fitz gave me a look. I couldn’t decide if it was quizzical, or sly. “Well, c’mon, let’s do the jacuzzi or the sauna for a bit, and then head back to the house,” he said. “We can be nude in here. Nobody else will be using the gym at this hour, and I don’t think Caroline would be caught dead here no matter what time of day it is. There aren’t any spa attendants to give her massages and bring her champagne! Let’s take a quick shower to rinse off the sweat before getting into the jacuzzi.” 

Fitz began stripping off his t-shirt and shorts and I suddenly felt like I was on the verge of hyperventilating again! My God, he’s magnificent! He walked into the shower area. I took a deep breath as I followed him. I didn’t want to get light-headed again, like at the ball! It was hard not to drool, though, at the view of Fitz’s enormous shoulders, rippling back muscles, and buns of steel! He looked like Atlas, capable of bearing the world on those shoulders. The front view was even more stirring — the 50” chest (or more), the chiseled lightly hairy pecs that looked carved from marble, the obligatory 8-pack, and, between his huge thighs, an enormous soft cock that was astonishingly long and thick. The proverbial third leg! We each stepped into a stall and quickly washed off the sweat we’d worked up in the gym. “OK, let’s climb into that jacuzzi,” Fitz said, once again leading the way.

He lowered himself into the swirling water. “God, that feels good,” he groaned. “Get in, the water’s just the right temperature!” I climbed in and looked around for a place to sit. The jacuzzi wasn’t all that large and evidently not designed with someone like Fitz in mind. He seemed to take up half the space in the pool! “Oh!” he said. “Sorry. I guess I’m hogging the bench.” He slid over a bit and said “Come here, sit by me. It’s probably a bit tight but there are some jets right here that’ll feel great on your back!” 

I took a seat on the bench next to him, and leaned back. The current from the jets did feel wonderful, but so did the warmth of Fitz’s huge body, right next to mine. He’s so tall that, even seated, he towered above me with a good part of his body out of the water. He rested one arm on the edge of the pool behind me. “This is nice,” he murmured. “Thanks for keeping me company here.” His tree-trunk thigh grazed mine and settled there. 

“Deep breaths, Izzy! Deep breaths!” I reminded myself. 

“Thanks for asking me. I was starting to feel a bit alone here. Jamie and Chuck are so wrapped up in themselves they haven’t been much company, and I don’t think Caroline particularly cares for me. I keep getting the feeling she just tolerates me. And I didn’t think you cared much for me, either.”

“What?” Fitz exclaimed. “Whatever made you think that?” He moved and I could feel his arm behind me at the back of my head, as well as that huge thigh pressed against mine. 

“Well, at the ball I heard what you said to Chuck about me when he was trying to get you to dance. That I wasn’t attractive enough, and a Munchkin, to boot!” 

I turned to look at him and his face had become bright red. “Oh, my God, Izzy! I had no idea you heard that! But please believe me that I didn’t really mean any of it. Chuck was a little drunk and teasing me mercilessly about dancing, and I was just trying to get him to leave me alone! He knows how uncomfortable and self-conscious it makes me to be dancing in public, especially with strangers. I just wanted him to go back and dance with Jamie and leave me be. Even as long as we’ve known each other, Chuck still doesn’t entirely get that I’m not a social animal like he is.”

“Oh!” I said. “I guess I can understand the not wanting to dance with strangers thing. But that Munchkin crack? That hurt.”

“Izzy, I’m sorry! Honestly! I didn’t mean it to be hurtful. And I haven’t got anything against Munchkins! Actually, in case you hadn’t noticed, from my standpoint almost everybody is a Munchkin. Although,” he went on teasingly, “you’re a bit more of a Munchkin than most!” 

I glared at him and gave him an elbow in the ribs. “You’re really pushing your luck here, Fitz!” 

“OK. I know,” said Fitz quietly. “I’m just teasing, too. I don’t get many chances to do that with Chuck around! Come on, have you had enough time in the jacuzzi? Let’s go do the sauna for a while.”

“All right,” I said. Fitz hauled himself out of the water and reached out an arm for me to pull myself out of the water in front of him. Damn! I was feeling light-headed again, staring directly into Fitz’s torso, just below his pecs. I found myself staring at his chest, which is lightly covered in fine dark hair that highlights perfectly the shape and massive nature of his pecs. Glancing down, his legs were lightly hairy, too. 

Fitz pulled me along into the sauna. He had to duck pretty low to get through the sauna door and spread his towel down on the upper bench and sat on it. Once again, he seemed to take up much of the room in the small space. 

“Oh, crap!” he said. “I guess I’ve done it again. They sure don’t design these things for guys my size.” He spread his legs and glanced down. “If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, you can sit here on the lower bench in front of me.” My heart was thumping hard but I did my best to maintain my cool. 

“I guess. Just watch where you shove your junk!” I spread out my towel and sat down on the lower bench between his legs. “This could get a bit awkward!”

“We don’t have to stay in here for very long. The temperature seems to have been cranked up pretty high!” Fitz said. 

“Yeah. We should have a good sweat worked up again before long,” I said. I swiveled to my side to look up at him but I was suddenly paralyzed as I stared directly into his crotch. This wasn’t a deer-in-the-headlights moment. It was a rabbit-and-the-cobra moment! In the relaxing heat of the sauna Fitz’s cock lolled gigantically toward the edge of the bench, resting on a huge sack that looked like it was holding a couple of tennis balls! The cut head really did look like a pink softball, at the end of a lengthy, soft shaft that was easily 8 or 9 inches long. Even at rest, it was at least as thick as my wrist. When hard, I suspected it was long and thick enough you could land a C-130 on it! Matters weren’t helped when Fitz slid forward slightly and the end of the whole assemblage dropped over the edge of the bench.

“What did I say about where you shove that?” I said, trying to recover. “Jeez, Fitz. You could open up your own junkyard with all that stuff!”

I managed to look up and saw Fitz’s face coloring again. I don’t think it was just from the heat of the sauna. He scooted back slightly. “I’m sorry, Izzy. I. . ., I guess you see why I’m so self-conscious at times. There are so many places I don’t really fit. I really try, but sometimes I can’t help being a bull in the china shop.” 

“Well, you’ve sure got the bull part of that right!” I said, before I could stop myself. Fitz reddened again but suddenly I thought I saw something hopeful in his eyes. “I guess I do understand, kind of. I’m self-conscious at times about being so small. There are places I don’t fit, either. I need help or a step-stool to reach stuff. People look right over me and don’t see me,” I said. “And being small I look a lot younger than I am, so I get treated like a child, not as an adult. It can suck being a Munchkin.” 

“In my case they stare,” Fitz sighed. “And I scare some people, I guess, because I’m such a big lug.” 

“Well, I suppose,” I said. “But in case nobody ever told you, you’re a very good-looking lug! That’s undoubtedly one reason why people stare at you.”

Fitz seemed to get even redder. “Thanks, Izzy. And please don’t get mad if I say you’re one awfully cute Munchkin.” 

Now it was my turn to blush! “Huh? I didn’t think you were into Munchkins.” 

“I didn’t say that,” Fitz replied. “You’re good-looking, too, you know. You’re perfectly proportioned, just on a small scale. And, in case nobody ever said it, you have really fine eyes! But I try not to like small guys. I’m always afraid I’ll hurt them accidentally.”

“Well, anyone your size needs to be conscious about what you could do to someone you’re with. But as long as you’re careful I don’t think you have to be too worried about that. I can’t speak for all small guys, but I’m not as fragile as some people seem to think. I don’t need to be treated like a Meissen figurine that shatters at the slightest touch!”

“I don’t scare you, then?” Fitz asked.

“No,” I said quietly. “Listen, Fitz, you’re imposing as all get out, but I don’t think you’re scary.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, Izzy. I’d never knowingly or intentionally hurt anyone. I hope you know that. But I have at times, inadvertently. Emotionally and physically. I really am trying to learn how to live more easily in this world. There are just so many ways I don’t fit into it. My size. Being gay. The money. All the rest of it. I’m still figuring it all out. And I have the opposite of your problem — I look older than I really am and people assume I have a lot more experience than I actually do. I’m just 23, Izzy. I still screw up sometimes.”

The conversation had certainly steered into an unexpected direction! I took one of Fitz’s huge hands with mine and my much smaller one vanished into it. I put my other hand on top, and Fitz’s other hand covered it completely. We sat there for a minute in the hot sauna. “Listen, Fitz. I’m not sure how to express it properly, but it seems like we’re a lot alike, although in different ways. Does that make sense?” 

“Yes. I understand what you’re saying, Izzy. Neither of us really fits well in a world not exactly designed for us.”

“For what it’s worth, Fitz, I’m glad we’ve talked like this. If you want, I’d be pleased to be your friend.” I was still looking up at Fitz and his face seemed to relax and soften. 

“I’d be pleased to be your friend, too, Izzy. I didn’t think it would be so easy to talk with you. I’ve told you some things I’ve never said to anyone else. Not even Chuck!”

“Well, you’re also much easier to talk with than I ever imagined. And you’re a good listener, too. I said more to you about myself than I’ve ever told most people. I haven’t even said all that to Jamie.”

“OK, new friend!” said Fitz. “I’m not trying to end the conversation, but if I don’t get out of this sauna in another minute I’m going to pass out from the heat! Let’s get a good cold shower to cool down.” He stood up over me, his feet still on either side of me on the lower bench on which I was sitting, his crotch dangling over my head! Somehow, his colossal junk ran through my hair as he tried to step down to the floor. “Damn, I did it again! The bull in the china shop!” 

Before I could say anything he was ducking low through the sauna door. I followed sheepishly, touching my hair and wondering if I could get away without washing it. . .

Drying ourselves after the shower I couldn’t help sneaking a few more looks at Fitz. It was hard not to notice the enticing treasure trail that led from his navel down to the bush above his prodigious equipment. It seemed to be trimmed, but I was glad he wasn’t shaved there. It would have seemed weird and babyish on someone his size! I didn’t shave, myself. I just trimmed, too. I was pretty smooth everywhere else, but I was sure shaving my pubes would just make me look even younger and smaller, and that was the last thing I was trying to achieve. 

We got dressed and headed back to the house. It was getting a bit late. We headed into the video room to catch the evening news but I was feeling tired and relaxed after the workout and sauna, and my thoughts kept darting from the accounts of local fender benders to the close encounter of a personal kind I’d just had with Superman. I mean Fitz. “Good night, all,” I said as soon as the news broadcast ended. “See y’all in the morning.” I slept surprisingly well.

Part 14

The next day Jamie got himself downstairs for breakfast on his own, using the crutches and the elevator. Chuck trailed along behind him. 

“It looks like you’re better, Jamie,” I said. “Is it hurting less?” 

“Yes, thanks. All I used last night was the ibuprofen and I didn’t hurt at all. It still hurts if I put weight on it, but otherwise I hardly notice it. We should be able to get home by tomorrow or the next day, at this rate.”

“You know you don’t have to rush anything,” said Chuck. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

“Thanks,” said Jamie. “You guys have been so kind to Izzy and me. But we can’t impose on you forever!”

“It hasn’t been an imposition, at all,” said Chuck. “I’m glad we’ve been able to help you get better.”

Caroline came into the breakfast room dressed in a rather glamorous house pajama outfit that might have worked better if she hadn’t also had bed hair and a crease in her face where she must have slept wrong on her pillow. I couldn’t help snickering into my coffee. Fitz came in a few minutes later, looking like the world’s biggest prepster in another sprayed-on polo, tight-fitting Bermudas, and boat shoes with no socks. I had no idea boat shoes came in that size — they looked like small yachts attached to his feet! I really did wonder where he manages to buy clothing! 

“Morning,” Caroline grumped. “There’d better be coffee ready!” 

“Morning to you, sunshine,” said Chuck. “There’s plenty of coffee. You’d better get caffeinated — the contractor’s going to be here at 10:00 to go over where we are with all the projects.” Caroline rolled her eyes, which still looked bleary. She reached for a cinnamon bun and got up to get herself some coffee from the big pump thermos on the sideboard. “Ow, shit!” she said, as some splashed on her. 

“I need to find a bank in town and take care of a couple of things,” said Fitz. “Izzy, would you come with me? You can show me one, and we can grab some lunch afterwards. Then we won’t be in the way while Chuck and Caroline are busy with the contractor.”

“Uh, sure,” I replied. “When do you want to leave?” 

“By 10:00, I guess, before the contractor gets here.” 

“OK. How about 9:30? It takes about half an hour to get to town from here. Any special bank you need? We don’t have that many, Marysville isn’t that large, you know.”

“Where do you bank? I think pretty much any bank can help with what I need to do.”

“We can go to Breeder’s Bank, then. It’s local. Arthur Davis is the bank president. He’s Elinor’s husband, and they’re old family friends. You might have met them at the ball? I’m sure he’ll be happy to help you with whatever you need. And if you don’t mind I can go down the street and get a quick haircut while you’re at the bank.”

“Sounds like a plan. Then we can have lunch somewhere. My treat,” said Fitz.

Soon we were driving into town in the SUV. It was a bright sunny day and, after the recent rain, everything looked exceptionally lush and green. “This really is beautiful country,” said Fitz. “I had no idea!”

“Hadn’t you ever been here before?”

“No. First time in Kentucky.”

“Well, the bluegrass region certainly is pretty. And you’re here at a good time of year to see it. There are some really magnificent horse farms around. I guess Caroline thinks we’re out in the sticks somewhere, but that’s not the case. I mean, even the Queen of England makes quiet private trips here to buy thoroughbreds. This part of the state is pretty prosperous, actually. And we’re not a million miles from everywhere. It isn’t far from Louisville or Lexington or Cincinnati, so there are urban amenities when we need them.”

“Yes, I can see that,” Fitz said. “It’s a bit like the area where Pemberton is. Beautiful countryside, but we’re close to Wilmington and Philly and the whole Northeast Corridor.” We were pulling into an angled parking space on Commercial Street just outside the Breeder’s Bank building. 

“I’ll come in and introduce you to Arthur and then go see about that haircut. That shouldn’t take long and then I’ll come back and wait for you until you’re finished here.”

“OK. I don’t think this will take all that long, but it’s not something I want to do online,” Fitz said.

We were lucky that Arthur was in. He was just finishing up with another client. “Oh, I’m sure Mr. Davis will be happy to help your friend, Izzy,” said his secretary, Myrna, when I asked if he was available. Her ears had picked up at the mention of the name Darcy and she seemed to be checking him out. Arthur emerged a few minutes later. 

“Arthur, this is Fitzwilliam Darcy,” I said. “He’s visiting Chuck Bingham out at Norwood Acres? He needs some assistance getting some business done and I was sure you could help him with it.” 

“Oh, yes,” said Arthur. “I believe we met at the Historical Society Ball? My wife Elinor was the chair for the event.” Fitz stuck out a huge hand to shake Arthur’s, who seemed enthralled to be talking with the mega-billionaire visitor! 

“Gentlemen, I’m leaving you to take care of business while I go get my haircut. I should be back in half-an-hour or so unless they’re really busy.”

“Oh, wait,” said Fitz. “Give me your phone.” I did and he entered his cell phone number and sent himself a text from my phone. “OK, now we’ve got each other’s numbers. Message me if you’re running late.”

“OK. See you soon.” I left Fitz and Arthur to sort out Fitz’s banking business and headed down to Frank’s Barber Shop to get a trim. It had been a few weeks and I was a bit shaggy.

Fortunately it was still early on a weekday and Frank’s wasn’t too busy yet. There were a couple of guys ahead of me, but I soon got to the head of the line and got a quick clean-up from Frank. That was always, um, entertaining. Frank was a hunky former Hartfield High football player who was a year or two older than Jamie. He’d taken over his dad’s barber shop after he graduated from high school, and whenever I went in for a haircut I always seemed to feel his bulge brushing my arms when I was in the barber chair. But he was married to an ex-cheerleader and I wasn’t interested in being his dirty little secret on the side, so I just kept things friendly and subtly flirtatious. I’m sure he was getting plenty elsewhere, rubbing up against all the other cute guys in town.

When I got back to the bank a bit after 11:00 Arthur and Fitz seemed to be finishing up whatever they’d been doing. I took a seat outside Arthur’s office and waited. “It was a pleasure assisting you, Fitz,” I heard Arthur say. “If there’s anything else you need while you’re in Hartfield County, just let us know.” 

Fitz stepped out of Arthur’s office and spotted me waiting there. He gave me an appraising glance and said “Haircut looks good! Are you ready for lunch yet?” 

It was still a bit early but I figured by the time we walked around Commercial and decided on a place it would be time for lunch. We wandered east to where a couple of the smart bistros are at the corner with Beecham Street. We checked out the menus in the windows and decided on Cheval Blanc, which offered a more extensive brunch/lunch selection. It was still slightly early so we got seated immediately.

“Cute place,” said Fitz. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice. It’s only been open a few years now. It belongs to a couple of lesbians who moved down here from Cincinnati. It’s definitely a bump up from the diner and Burger Barn and the chain places,” I said. “The other place across the street opened soon afterwards. It’s pretty good, too. I think I like their dinner menu better than here. But both places have been busy since they opened.”

After perusing the menu I settled on a Cobb salad. Fitz went for the smoked salmon eggs Benedict. 

“Izzy, I appreciated your company last night working out,” Fitz said. “Would you be up for it again later?”

“Sure. I enjoyed it, too. Although we got into some unexpectedly personal conversation, considering we’ve barely met!” I smiled.

Fitz blushed slightly. “Yeah. I don’t know how that happened, exactly. But like I said last night, Izzy, you’re easy to talk with. I felt I could trust you.”

It was my turn to redden a bit. “Thanks. But so are you. And you’re a good listener, too. Do you mind a nosy personal question?” I asked.

“No. Not from you. Ask away.” Fitz answered.

“This seems dumb, but I’m just curious where someone your size buys clothes? Like those shoes? I never imagined they made size fifteen Topsiders!”

“Size seventeen,” said Fitz, sheepishly. “I have to special order shoes, but at least some styles are available in my size. Clothing I can usually find with a little looking in the big and tall stores, and online. Don’t ever tell Caroline, but I buy polos and sport shirts at Walmart, of all places! For some reason they carry a lot of big guy stuff and it’s not all ugly!. It’s a bit more effort overall than most people have to spend shopping, but I’m used to it by now. As for dress clothing, I get tailor-made or special order at the good men’s stores in Philly or New York. What about you?” he asked. 

“Well, probably easier than for you. I can find plenty in the boy’s departments. For dress clothes there are a couple of men’s stores in Louisville and Cincinnati that carry small sizes.” 

“When did you shoot up to be so tall?” I asked. “You couldn’t always have been this big!”

“Well, the Darcys have always been tall, as far as I know, although none as tall as me. My mom’s family are tall people, too. She was 5’10”. And my sister Gloria is going to be that tall, too, I suspect. So some of it’s genetics. By sophomore year in high school I was 6’3”. Scrawny, but tall. But then I got another growth spurt that started my junior year and by freshman year at Yale I’d topped out at 6’10”! It was kind of freakish. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to stop growing and I actually went to a doctor to see if anything was wrong. There wasn’t, thank God, and it finally stopped. But not before I was already giant economy size!”

I plowed away at my Cobb salad. “These eggs Benedict are great,” said Fitz. “We’ll have to come back and try some of their other things!”

“Yeah, Julie and Sarah really have done a good job with this place,” I said. “So,” I ventured onward. “As long as I’m being nosy, did that second growth spurt also involve more than, um, your height?”

“Oh,” said Fitz, coloring again. “You mean the junkyard?” 

I nodded, blushing myself but kind of enjoying pulling Fitz’s chain a little. “No. I was almost this big by my sophomore year in high school. I did grow a little more during that second spurt. It’s one of the reasons I went to see that doctor. I was already huge and I was scared I was becoming a freak. It’s one of the reasons I’m so self-conscious. Everybody stares in the locker rooms, and not always in a good way. And. . . well, I hurt someone with it. I didn’t mean to, but it scared me to death. It made me  afraid I was too big to have sex with anyone.”

“You said something about that last night, I think. What happened?” I asked. “If you don’t mind talking about it.”

“It’s still pretty difficult, but I can tell you,” said Fitz. “Remember I said there were a couple of other gay guys in my class at St. Mark’s, besides me and Chuck?” 

“Uh, huh.”

“Well, it’s a boy’s boarding school. And the four of us had started messing around with each other. I was already the biggest guy in my class sophomore year. By a lot. I  could buy booze some places because I was so big and look older than I am. I’d smuggle it back to school for me and Chuck and the other two guys. We got away with it because we kind of kept to ourselves and weren’t wild and rowdy. But one long holiday weekend the four of us got a little smashed on the Saturday night. We were in the room Chuck and I shared, and I started making out with Ricky, one of the other guys I mentioned. He was really cute, a little taller than you, I guess. Chuck started making out with Ricky’s roommate, Nick. One thing led to another and Ricky and I went to his room so Chuck and Nick could have a little privacy. When we got to Ricky’s room things got hot and heavy. We were making out like crazy and Ricky was getting my clothes off me. This was the farthest we’d ever gone, and I was hard as a rock. Like I said, we had both had more to drink than we should, and we were crazy horny sixteen-year-olds. Ricky had his hands and mouth all over me, and he seemed kind of hypnotized by my size. He kept saying how big I was, over and over again, and that was just making me even hotter. The next thing I knew he was begging me to fuck him! I’d never done that but by then, between the alcohol and the testosterone, I wasn’t going to turn him down. Ricky’d never been fucked, either. We didn’t have any lube, just spit.” 

Fitz, looked flushed and agitated as he went on. “Even though Ricky had been telling me how big I was I really had no idea. I’d never seen anyone else hard before, except for Chuck, who’s also hung big. I guess I thought that was normal and most guys would be big when they’re hard. I started trying to get myself into Ricky, who, like I said, wasn’t a very big guy and kept asking me to fuck him. I pushed hard into him and it wasn’t happening, and Ricky started saying to stop, I was too big. I was too drunk and horned up to pay much attention. I just grabbed him tight and pushed harder and it went in. Ricky shrieked but I kept pushing until I was maybe a third inside and he just passed out! I didn’t realize it at first and just kept fucking him, but then I realized after a few minutes that he wasn’t moving! I thought I’d killed him! I freaked and pulled out, and there was slime and blood on me! We had sinks in the rooms and I washed myself off and ran down the hall to get Chuck and Nick. We got back to Ricky’s room and he was writhing on the bed, moaning. So at least I knew he wasn’t dead. We cleaned Ricky up with a wash cloth but there was a lot of blood on it. Chuck and Nick and I somehow got some clothes on him and took him to the infirmary. You can’t imagine how awful it was having to explain what had happened to the nurse on duty. They took Ricky to the local ER where he got checked and it turned out he wasn’t badly hurt, thank God, although he needed a couple of stitches. I was petrified they’d call the police, but Ricky had made it clear that things had been consensual and we were both over sixteen so we were legal in New Hampshire. Everything ended up getting hushed up. They didn’t tell our families, thank God. But it scared the shit out of me. And Ricky’s a friend. I never imagined I could hurt him doing this. I was in agony about that!”

“What happened?” I asked.

“He was OK, physically, within a couple of weeks. And he told me it wasn’t my fault and forgave me. He said he drank too much and shouldn’t have egged me on like he did. We were still friends. But I couldn’t forgive myself. He’d said to stop and I didn’t, and I knew that was wrong, and I hurt him.”

“Have you forgiven yourself since then?”

“Not entirely, and I was too scared to try to fuck anyone else for at least a couple of years. And I was still growing and just getting bigger and bigger, for God’s sake! Another reason I wanted to see that doctor.”

“Jeez! That’s definitely heavy! Have you been able to since then?” I asked.

“Yes. Carefully. I have Chuck to thank for that.” 

I looked at Fitz wide-eyed.

“We messed around together, you could say, after this happened with Ricky. We were roommates and best friends and Chuck’s really good-looking, too. And we’re both gay. He also was there when I hurt Ricky, so he knew how messed up I was about it. He was the shoulder I could cry on and before long we were making out and, well, doing more. Chuck’s much bigger than Ricky and he was a jock, so I wasn’t as afraid that I might hurt him. Eventually, it happened. But by the time we were at Yale we’d stopped. We realized we love each other, but we’re not in love, if you understand what I mean. We’re like brothers. And we understand that we’re not very compatible sexually. Chuck’s truly versatile — he loves fucking as much as getting fucked and he needs to do both. I don’t. I’m basically a total top. I let Chuck try with me, because he wanted it, and he’s my best friend, but it did nothing for me. It just doesn’t feel right, somehow. I’m not saying I hated it and I’d never do it again if it were to please someone I love, but it’s not something I crave at all. I only feel right being inside someone, not the other way around. Chuck needs more than I can give him that way, and that’s not going to change.”

I was kind of flushed, again. “I guess I understand, from the opposite viewpoint. I’m basically a complete bottom. I’ve topped a couple of times but it’s like you said. It just doesn’t feel right, and I don’t get anything from it. Maybe I would if it were with someone I’m in love with. But even then I doubt it.” 

I looked at Fitz. “You know, we’ve done it again. I’m not clear how we’ve ended up turning a workout and now a lunch into true confessions sessions! I hope you don’t think this has just been some kind of a weird come on!”

“No,” Fitz said, although still a bit red, himself. “I don’t know how this has happened, either. Except that we each seem to trust each other, and we both find it easy to share  with each other, too. Chuck’s the only other person I’ve ever been able to talk with about any of these things, and we’ve known each other for years. I kind of feel like I’m imposing on you. Are you really OK with this much, um, sharing?”

“This isn’t what I expected to be talking about with you, either, Fitz, or with anyone except Jamie. For me, he’s like Chuck is for you. He might be my brother but he’s always been my rock and my best friend. But I meant what I said last night. I’m glad to be your friend, too. And I’m honored you trust me enough to share all this. Your secrets are safe with me!” 

“Yours are safe with me, too,” said Fitz. “I mean it.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Maybe we should try for something lighter to talk about for a while? Video games? Football? Impressionist painters?” I giggled.

Fitz snorted. “Probably, even though we seem to end up in deep waters no matter what we start talking about. I doubt we follow the same football teams, though!” 

“Well, let’s try. C’mon, it’s time we should head back to Norwood, in any case. I’ll take you along a different route back so you can see more of the local scenery. Now, how about those Bengals?”