On the Altar of Hairiness

“If you ain’t got hair all over your body, fuck off!” That’s what James told the guy who was cruising him at Woody’s, the most popular gay bar in Toronto’s Gay Village. He prefers partners who are all over hairy like a gorilla. Does James represent the typical homosexual? Not really, but close to some extent.

A survey conducted by Manhunt in 2023 revealed that 79% of gay men wanted their sexual partner to leave their body hair the way God intended, and only 21% wanted it shorn. Data collected showed that homosexual men have strong preferences for masculine traits, and hairy faces, armpits, pecs, thighs, crotches and butts are part of the equation.

James arrived in Canada with his family in 1993. He is now 39-years-old, and has known about his sexual attraction to hairy men since he was in grade 7. He loved to take a shower with his father, offering to rub his hairy back, hairy ass, hairy crack. James did not engage into any homosexual activity until he turned 16. His first trick had a small patch of hair just above the ass-crack, and that drove him crazy. Elmer, a classmate of James, shaved his pubes, saying that the less hair, the less perspiration. “Fuck no! replied James, the manly scent is so damn intoxicating.”

James and Elmer now live in a condo on Maitland Street near Church Street in the heart of Toronto’s Gay Village. They often go cruising together but there is no competition as one is attracted to hairy dudes, the other to hairless effeminate guys. James likes to say that men who shave their pubes look like 12-year-old boys and that turns him off. As part of the 79% in the Manhunt study, he shares the idea that body and facial hair are extremely attractive because they are signs of masculinity. Not that smooth men are not attractive, but hairiness is an enhancement.

When James is in bed with a trick, he can spend an hour sniffing the guy’s armpits, getting intoxicated by the musky scent. He likes the smell of sweat that hair captures, especially pubic hair. James just came back from Woody’s with a grizzly dude. Yes, Alan is covered with black hair and James’ head is now heavenly trapped between furry thighs, his nose poking in long frizzy pubes. Alan’s chest is a black forest cake, and that fuckingly excites James. He’s hard as rock and ready to engage in what Alan enjoys the most: having a cock rubbed between his pecs until a load of cum explodes.

At 39, James is still single because he likes to stalk guys in the alleys, most often bringing one of them home but sometimes engaging in virile sniffing, caressing, and licking on the spot. When it comes to fucking, James prefers to be at home and have plenty of time to enjoy the hairy Smorgasburg he’s managed to find. His guest’s name is Tony. James first caresses the face, the beard which he likes short and almost prickly. He nips the upper lip topped by a moustache, then thrusts his tongue into the hungry mouth. James lets his fingers roam Tony’s chest, pinching his nipples, licking the hairs which form a divine halo before sucking what he calls the Boobs of Virility.

If James knew the expression, he would say: “furry asses are my kryptonite, lol”. Contrary to me, he can not put into words how much he adores a hairy butt. I will try to describe what he feels when he buries his face in one of them. The furrier the guy, the more attractive he is, of course. Hair makes sex far more fun and interesting for James. He doesn’t know that hair in the butt crack keeps farts much more silent and would prefer that it did not because he adores sniffing the ass hole after a fart and does not want to miss any opportunity.  

James leans over Tony’s bottom, almost in adoration, and caresses each hair. He gives little kisses to each curve, stopping here and there to bite into the hairy peach. He dips his nose in to smell every square inch of the fleshy fruit and is already moaning with pleasure. He then begins to slide his tongue into the divine virile crevice, catching each hair between his lips. As soon as his tongue reaches Tony’s anus, it hardens to better penetrate the hole that he dreams of greedily eating. But wait, under this main course hang two jewels, two hairy balls that he licks, nibbles, swallows and spits out to finally direct his tongue towards the primary objective: the hairy asshole that he devours while drooling regularly.

James now needs to fuck Tony. He has a hairy cock and his partner has a hairy hole. They are meant to meet (or should I write “meat”?). He rubs his mushroom on the back door, feels his joystick getting hard as rock, and shoves the shaft in the begging hole. His plan is not what you imagine. He wants to cum in hairy territory, of course, but also wants to taste man juice pouring from a grizzly hole. He penetrates Tony with passion, indulges in a lustful back and forth movement, and shoots his creamy load while uttering cries of ecstasy. But he wants his money back. Swallowing cum from a felching hairy hole is the climax of James’ encounter with Tony.

Did I forget to tell you that when James was born, he had a little bit of light dark hair above his butt crack, plus ass dimples? Two signs that his life would revolve around eating hairy male asses, that he would be kneeling forever before the Altar of Virility at its utmost expression.